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fear of being found out


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so this is a feeling i've had ever since i started posting here. rant ahead.

my fear is that i'll end up being ridiculed for the rest of my days if ever someone connected my main internet presence to this account and told everyone about this stupid fetish of mine.

i've been on the internet for too long and i've seen way too many people who are willing to point and laugh at anything that seems weird or "cringe"; entire websites and communities dedicated to trolling and documenting "lulcows". i know what the internet is capable of when they find someone who is ripe for mockery, and i'm terrified by what i've seen. doesn't matter if the person that they choose deserved to be trolled or not.

i'm under the impression that having a fetish will cause people's perceptions of you to change for the worse. i tend to be the kind of person who generally wants to stay on everyone's good side, instantly feeling guilt and remorse the moment someone doesn't approve of me and my interests. i hate conflict and confrontation; nothing ever good comes out of it, especially online.

to me at least, my kind of omorashi isn't overly explicit; just fictional adult characters desperately clutching themselves and eventually peeing their pants, as basic as it gets.

surely there are people that get off to something much worse that would make me look normal in comparison. but to some people, the thought of peeing your pants as a kink is enough for them to go on a hyperbolic tirade.

i've only ever opened this up under my actual online presence to a select few people through private messages, and i've been reassured that there are plenty of people who are into this more than i think. however the fear still lingers.

how are some people so up-front about their kinks, posting pics of feet and people getting morbidly fat on certain platforms. how are they so shameless?

anyway, needlessly long rant over.

does anyone else here feel this way? or am i just overtly paranoid?

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Hey there, you are definitely not alone. I think most of us here would be very embarrassed and/or face substantial social consequences if our kink was made public in our neighborhoods or at work. Even more so if you are a parent.

But as long as you don’t post pictures with your face or other things in the background that could clearly identify you, you should be fine. Just be careful with what you share and adhere to your boundaries. Besides, the term „omorashi“ is quite specific and not a lot of people outside the community know what it actually means. So they would have to specifically search for it. Yes, there have been instances in the past when member’s or their partners didn’t feel comfortable with their posts any more. And the attachment system allows that you can delete any picture or video you posted at any time. And if you want to completely delete your account, the moderators are usually quite quick to delete the profile and any of your contents if you wish so. Hope that helps a little bit 🙂

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Faye talked about this one time. She said that she told her parents straight away and that they were completely open minded. Although her mother rattled her off to her friend lol once. 
To me I don’t think my parents address me having kinks lol 😂 I literally got away wearing my sister’s panties before and they knew I had a obsession 

Edited by P Pee (see edit history)
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2 hours ago, stayhydrated said:

i don't do omorashi in real life, i only make omo artwork and fics.

I'm in the same situation as you, and yeah, I've definitely had the thought of "what if someone recognize my art style" when posting stuff.

But then again, as long as you keep your omo "persona" completely detached from everything else you do on the internet, and don't mention or share even small details about your omo fics/art to anyone outside the omo community, I'd say the chance is disappearingly small that you'd be found out.

And like, if you have a bunch of very specific interests/other identifying stuff, keep it vague on this site. Think twice before posting. If someone can't connect you 100% to what you share on here, then you can just deny it if anyone calls you out on it.

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I would hate for anyone I knew in real life to find out. But I always delete my history of this site, make sure I don't go on here when anyone is near, and use a different account name for fetish stuff than non-fetish stuff, and avoid mentioning stuff that might be specific enough for people to recognize my true identity. Though of course, on this particular site someone would have to have the fetish themselves to go here.

And I would much rather have them find out about my fetish for female wetting than me wetting for fun. But most people I know IRL find omo to be funny.

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I feel like the feeling is inevitable and yet all we can do is to try our best to take precautions. I don't really think its being overly paranoid at all as long as its not taking over your life and becoming a problem. 

 

I too am quite paranoid about connecting my life or my internet life to here; even though I like to write a lot about my stories here I purposely keep certain parts vague and deniable

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i'll be honest, i'm sort of starting to think that opening this account was a mistake.

don't get me wrong, i find it fun to express my kind of omorashi even if it's pretty tame compared to some of the other members here; but now i have to bear this burden of making sure my non-fetish internet presence is separate from this, and i'm not sure if i'm ready for this level of responsibility. feels like as if i'm hiding incriminating evidence to a crime that i was a part of.

it's a dilemma really, do i stop using this account and keep my omo works to myself but hide it away from people who'd potentially appreciate it? or do i continue expressing my fetish and just blindly hope that no one figures out who i really am?

like i said in my original post, i've already disclosed my fetish privately to people that i trust and they've assured me that having a fetish is much more common than i think it is and that they can still keep this a secret. however a part of me regrets having done so despite the kind words and reassurance, but the deed has been done and i have to live with it now.

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Even I wet myself in real life a lot and many people know about that, but I'm still horrified when even when thinking that people I know would find out that I do it "on purpose" as a fetish. After that, they wouldn't even believe me when I have a real wetting accident. That would be even worse, because I can't prevent that and people would think I do it on purpose.

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1 hour ago, stayhydrated said:

i'll be honest, i'm sort of starting to think that opening this account was a mistake.

don't get me wrong, i find it fun to express my kind of omorashi even if it's pretty tame compared to some of the other members here; but now i have to bear this burden of making sure my non-fetish internet presence is separate from this, and i'm not sure if i'm ready for this level of responsibility. feels like as if i'm hiding incriminating evidence to a crime that i was a part of.

it's a dilemma really, do i stop using this account and keep my omo works to myself but hide it away from people who'd potentially appreciate it? or do i continue expressing my fetish and just blindly hope that no one figures out who i really am?

like i said in my original post, i've already disclosed my fetish privately to people that i trust and they've assured me that having a fetish is much more common than i think it is and that they can still keep this a secret. however a part of me regrets having done so despite the kind words and reassurance, but the deed has been done and i have to live with it now.

I do understand your worry, because I do feel it too... But I don't think you need to worry quite so much. 

Yes, you do need to be a bit cautious about separating your account here from your real life persona. Use a burner e-mail address that has no connection to your real world self, but after that just don't use names and places and don't talk directly about who you work for. But also remember that other people are not desperately searching for any reason to come after you. As it turns out, normal people really aren't that interesting, and the only thing you should be concerned about is making sure that if there is a big data breach your account here won't appear next to your real name on google.

The thing is... It is probably pretty hard to connect me to my real persona. But a bunch of sex shops and medical supply companies and even Amazon have invoices with my real name on with a bunch of waterproof bedding, adult diapers and vibrating items. I have at various times been a member of paid porn sites, again under my real name. But none of that bothers me, because anyone who can find out about it definitely has broken the law, and if someone is invading my privacy in that kind of depth then I am much more worried about my credit cards and my bank accounts. And so too are they. Because if they are investing the time and effort (and jail time) in doing this, they obviously want to benefit from it, not just cause me embarrassment. 

I think the right way to frame this is to think of your kinks as private, rather than secret. Secrets make us paranoid, because we feel like everyone else is putting as much effort into finding them as we are into hiding them. But private things, like all the kink stuff in my bedroom, is simply not kept on display and if anyone finds it then I am going to be rightly mad at them, because they were in my bedroom rifling through my drawers. 

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21 minutes ago, PiVIP83 said:

I do understand your worry, because I do feel it too... But I don't think you need to worry quite so much. 

Yes, you do need to be a bit cautious about separating your account here from your real life persona. Use a burner e-mail address that has no connection to your real world self, but after that just don't use names and places and don't talk directly about who you work for. But also remember that other people are not desperately searching for any reason to come after you. As it turns out, normal people really aren't that interesting, and the only thing you should be concerned about is making sure that if there is a big data breach your account here won't appear next to your real name on google.

The thing is... It is probably pretty hard to connect me to my real persona. But a bunch of sex shops and medical supply companies and even Amazon have invoices with my real name on with a bunch of waterproof bedding, adult diapers and vibrating items. I have at various times been a member of paid porn sites, again under my real name. But none of that bothers me, because anyone who can find out about it definitely has broken the law, and if someone is invading my privacy in that kind of depth then I am much more worried about my credit cards and my bank accounts. And so too are they. Because if they are investing the time and effort (and jail time) in doing this, they obviously want to benefit from it, not just cause me embarrassment. 

I think the right way to frame this is to think of your kinks as private, rather than secret. Secrets make us paranoid, because we feel like everyone else is putting as much effort into finding them as we are into hiding them. But private things, like all the kink stuff in my bedroom, is simply not kept on display and if anyone finds it then I am going to be rightly mad at them, because they were in my bedroom rifling through my drawers. 

already made this account using a separate email address on a lesser-known service, so i guess i have that covered. also i'm very much a "fiction only" type as i've stated multiple times here by now, so i don't think my real life self is at risk being connected to a silly softcore kink.

also good point on the whole "private, not secret" mindset, hopefully it should help me come to grips with having this fetish.

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I resonate with this so much, I don’t even tell partners unless I’m absolutely sure that they won’t judge me, 

because I’ve had messy break ups in the past and you never know who they’re going to tell and I’ve always been so focused on protecting myself rather than actually being comfortable with the kink and maybe finding some form of kink happiness 😅 

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I've always kept my omo and non-omo identities in the internet separated for more than 10 years, and no one has ever found out. I think the chance is very, very low, basically negligible (unless they're into omo themselves and have an account here; but even if that's the case, the chance is still pretty slim that they'll recognize me based on the stories I posted).

Edited by koyukoyu (see edit history)
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I super half-assed the separation.  Since then a lot of my internet friends have found out anyway (through mutual disclosure, and not from identifying the other account).

I've felt the way you do before I know what you're going through,but it really isn't that big a deal. My perception might be skewed a bit because I'm a furry and in that sphere everyone has something and they aren't keeping it on the down-low, but I think the general attitude towards this stuff is a lot more neutral than you think. I'd wager the average person isn't itching to know what you're into, and if they were to find out, it would be like walking in on anything else compromising: just as uncomfortable for the entrant as the entree.

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I do some things with this persona (I'm not really Bob Ross :-P) on multiple different sites and use a completely different browser.  I am sure that if someone was looking around and knew the way I type and phrases I use with some regularity and knew me personally, they MIGHT be able to tie this persona to the actual me.  Then again, I think that the people who know about omorashi likely already are into it, so I'm not too worried about it.  I'm not someone generally in the public and I don't create my own content aside from what I have written.

I think that as long as you keep in mind that you are in charge of what you contribute to the community, you will be fine.  If you put out videos or pictures, it may give a little more info about you, but that is why we have editing.  I would think that the moderators of this site are likely to want to keep the privacy of their users private as much as possible.  I think that the only people they might divulge information to is a government agency with a court ordered warrant and if that is the case, it's likely not because you are into this kink, but rather because of something else far bigger.

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I understand your fear too. I think it's the biggest reason why I haven't yet begun posting some of my works that are completed and ready to be shared.

But I try not to get too anxious over it. For one, I plan to keep my omo fics EXCLUSIVELY on this site (kudos to the people that also publish their stuff elsewhere, I could never). People here don't judge much, and any outsider who wants to shame me (or us, as a whole) for having this kink will have to dig *deep* into this site to find the "lulcow worthy" material, at which point I dare say they might have a bit of a thing for omo too (I mean, think about it, do you know of any big sites that are all about a kink you have no interest in? I can't). In such a case I can only hope that karma will do its job and that the person trying to shame people of a specific kink will end up getting shamed by the same people they tried catering to.

In the case of fearing your art will be recognized, I suggest practicing a new art style. Easier said than done, but it's definitely worth a shot. Apply different techniques to how you draw limbs, faces and clothes. Experiment with color combinations and shading that you typically don't use for your non-kinky art. Go about lineart differently, I think that would make a world of difference. I don't know, just go wild! And if you engage in fandoms, try to be secretive about some of those fandoms. Sharing ALL your fandoms on here *could* increase the chances of someone linking your omo persona to your SFW persona, so limit yourself to mentioning the fandoms you KNOW you want to make omo content of. And if you plan on only doing OC stuff, well... choose wisely on what OCs will be shared on what platform and keep them separate, lol.

FINALLY (sorry for the long comment) if you ever feel just too overwhelmed by the anxiety, taking a break is always allowed! I haven't been here for that long yet, but in the moments I felt doubtful about being here, I just... didn't log in. Out of sight, out of mind. Then again, I do not suffer from an actual anxiety disorder, so distracting myself from the things causing me distress is relatively easy. The choice is yours, friend! Even if you end up deciding that you don't want to have an account on here at all, remember that we are many. As harsh as things may be right now for kinky folks in general, we will always exist and we will always find each other to bond over the things that bring us joy.

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On 4/9/2024 at 3:00 AM, NouveauWolf said:

I super half-assed the separation.  Since then a lot of my internet friends have found out anyway (through mutual disclosure, and not from identifying the other account).

I've felt the way you do before I know what you're going through,but it really isn't that big a deal. My perception might be skewed a bit because I'm a furry and in that sphere everyone has something and they aren't keeping it on the down-low, but I think the general attitude towards this stuff is a lot more neutral than you think. I'd wager the average person isn't itching to know what you're into, and if they were to find out, it would be like walking in on anything else compromising: just as uncomfortable for the entrant as the entree.

I remember back in the day when I was younger and people talked about their kinks and I always found it difficult, even just to listen to. I remember completely accidentally running into someone who was into ABDL stuff and who was completely open and chill about it. But I also immediately decided that I did not want to be put into a group with him, because he was into sissying and being submissive, which I very much am not. And he was a cool enough person, but I didn't like hearing him talk about it, and it actually made me feel more defensive overall.

There was something so weirdly disappointing about meeting someone (through my MMO guild) who I actually didn't have much in common with, but who I knew others would definitely connect me to if I had opened up about it. 

To put it another way - There's two kinds of people who wear weed-leaf bandanas. One kind listens to the Grateful Dead and the other kind who listens to Snoop Dog. They both like to smoke, but they aren't showing up to the same party, even if there is good weed. 

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On 4/10/2024 at 10:41 AM, GreenChile said:

Once upon a time I felt like that. These days if someone doesn't like my fetish and decides to shun me then good, less Christmas gifts to buy 😅

Ok seriously. My ex-wife tried to out me publicly and it backfired because one of her friends ended up shaming her for trying to shame me. That friendship ended right after that. 

I feel like this is a good point and one I kinda agree with. This kink is part of who I am so take it or leave it, but at the same time I never want anyone to find out about it. 

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I think I am in the who really cares camp.  Sure, it'll be embarrassing, but everyone has their kinks.  For me, it's no one's business who knows me personally unless I let them know.  If they decide to keep that secret and maybe even participate, great.  If they aren't into it, but will keep the secret, ok.  If they decide to try to out me, it's not the end of the world.  At least I know what I like and it is not illegal.

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