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On 8/26/2023 at 1:50 PM, orangelion said:

They could have both peed in the shower and saved water. In Karenna's case she could have also gotten her morning relief without wasting any time.

Karenna's too shy for that! ...For now. Maybe she'll have some adventures that loosen her up. 

2 hours ago, Mrsonata said:

Love this. I read the first version every time you posted a new chapter. I like that Nia is already in the story. It´s going to be really interesting to read how this will move forward this time. 

I felt like redoing the start while keeping some of the same beats of the og story were necessary. It just felt like I shifted a lot in how I write, and I wanted to reflect that by coming back to the earlier ones.

If Nia's your favorite character, you're in luck. She'll be featured a little bit more than before 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/21/2023 at 5:36 PM, orangelion said:

I've already told you this, but I like changes. I also think this chapter sets up the rest of the story better than the original.

Thanks! I agree, without sounding too conceited lol. I hope I can keep it going to truly get this story to it’s full potential.

On 9/21/2023 at 6:24 PM, JimSpurs666 said:

Incredible. One of the greatest stories on this site ever

With how many awesome stories there are on this website, that really means a lot to me! Thank you! Of course any suggestions on how I can continue to make this story greater are more than welcome

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  • 1 month later...

This is a great new chapter! I really enjoyed all the new scenes and I did not expect the locker room shower pee. I'm guessing Vanessa will be back in a future chapter?


The only things I thought was off is that Mary-Ann just pulls undresses Karenna without consent. Since they haven't done anything like that before, Mary-Ann wouldn't really know if Karenna is OK to being exposed in front of Mary-Ann. Of course we know that Karenna absolutely doesn't mind it given that she has a crush on Mary-Ann, but Mary-Ann doesn't know that yet.

Edited by orangelion (see edit history)
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40 minutes ago, orangelion said:

This is a great new chapter! I really enjoyed all the new scenes and I did not expect the locker room shower pee. I'm guessing Vanessa will be back in a future chapter?

I have a few plans for her, yup!

40 minutes ago, orangelion said:

The only things I thought was off is that Mary-Ann just pulls undresses Karenna without consent. Since they haven't done anything like that before, Mary-Ann wouldn't really know if Karenna is OK to being exposed in front of Mary-Ann. Of course we know that Karenna absolutely doesn't mind it given that she has a crush on Mary-Ann, but Mary-Ann doesn't know that yet.

I can see how this might be, and maybe correctly interpreted as this, but as I was writing it, I thought it reflected more of Mary-Ann decisiveness in a critical situation. She saw something she could fix and she did it. 
 

As far as the social implications go, I can see this would be problematic, but as a bonding moment between the two characters, I think the scene can still stand on that. Might be a worthwhile conversation between them in a future chapter though.

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30 minutes ago, knockonthedoor said:

I can see how this might be, and maybe correctly interpreted as this, but as I was writing it, I thought it reflected more of Mary-Ann decisiveness in a critical situation. She saw something she could fix and she did it. 

I see. Perhaps you could make that clearer in the story by explaining Mary-Ann's thought process? Either way, it isn't a huge deal, just a minor thing I thought could be improved.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I like the changes so far. Looking forward to find out how they start to like peeing this time. And I really liked the shower pee. I think that could easily happen for real. Many would say that they would never pee in a public shower. But happens more then you think. I wounder if Mary-Ann will ask her about it if it happens again and if she will join the pee fun latter on. 

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On 11/15/2023 at 12:47 PM, Mrsonata said:

I like the changes so far. Looking forward to find out how they start to like peeing this time.

I plan on getting to that point much slower this time, of course with plenty of omo/pee along the way. But nonetheless, they’ll get there. Don’t want to spoil anything too much though.

On 11/15/2023 at 12:47 PM, Mrsonata said:

I really liked the shower pee. I think that could easily happen for real. Many would say that they would never pee in a public shower. But happens more then you think. I wounder if Mary-Ann will ask her about it if it happens again and if she will join the pee fun latter on. 

I like the way you think on this, definitely I put it in there intentionally, so there will be more between Mary-Ann and this new character as well!

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