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On 1/29/2023 at 7:25 PM, hunter_makoy said:

This is a first time story from my girlfriend of a real accident she had recently.  She is looking for any feedback:

Cute story, I liked it. But you asked for some feedback so I'll give some.

 

Upon attempting to exit Walmart during a horrendous rainstorm my light blue jeans became soaked with the streaming freezing cold raindrops, as I tried to sprint across the parking lot to the bus stop to reach my final destination of home. As the numbing raindrops saturated my thighs and my shirt as well, because I neglected to wear a proper jacket, bring an umbrella or even wear bra today, my nipples hardened enough to be fully visible, and  my whole body became absolutely frozen, with every step taken. 

 

For this paragraph you used the words rain and frozen a lot. Something as simple as swapping out those for something like "downpour/drizzle/precipitation" and "bitter/chilled/iced" can make the writing flow better and be less repetitive. Don't be afraid to use a thesaurus when jotting your story down if you notice yourself repeating the same verbs and adjectives and even nouns alot, it can really help elevate your writing. This goes for words such as bus and urine as well, although you used a wide variety of phrases for piss so that was good.

 

Only other advice I have for you would be to describe the urination accident in more detail, talking about how wet your panties and vagina got, how it made you feel during and after, if you got horny or embarrassed, etc. Overall, just practice and you'll improve with time, like any other skill.

 

Either way I enjoyed reading this. Now I'm wondering how it'd feel to pee in the heavy rain lol.

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On 1/30/2023 at 7:27 PM, Vaine Steele said:

Cute story, I liked it. But you asked for some feedback so I'll give some.

 

Upon attempting to exit Walmart during a horrendous rainstorm my light blue jeans became soaked with the streaming freezing cold raindrops, as I tried to sprint across the parking lot to the bus stop to reach my final destination of home. As the numbing raindrops saturated my thighs and my shirt as well, because I neglected to wear a proper jacket, bring an umbrella or even wear bra today, my nipples hardened enough to be fully visible, and  my whole body became absolutely frozen, with every step taken. 

 

For this paragraph you used the words rain and frozen a lot. Something as simple as swapping out those for something like "downpour/drizzle/precipitation" and "bitter/chilled/iced" can make the writing flow better and be less repetitive. Don't be afraid to use a thesaurus when jotting your story down if you notice yourself repeating the same verbs and adjectives and even nouns alot, it can really help elevate your writing. This goes for words such as bus and urine as well, although you used a wide variety of phrases for piss so that was good.

 

Only other advice I have for you would be to describe the urination accident in more detail, talking about how wet your panties and vagina got, how it made you feel during and after, if you got horny or embarrassed, etc. Overall, just practice and you'll improve with time, like any other skill.

 

Either way I enjoyed reading this. Now I'm wondering how it'd feel to pee in the heavy rain lol.

Thanks, I appreciate all the feedback!  Thats definitely something I'm trying to work on to get more detail about the actual act. 

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  • 1 month later...

That was a good story, although I'll agree that a thesaurus could go a long way in telling future stories with a better flow to them. I always love reading about situations where people kind of call it an accident because they accidentally got way too desperate to make it to a toilet, but it's also kind of an intentional wetting because they chose to let go at some point rather than fight it until they loose control.

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