FluffyEyebrows 3 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) So I've noticed the lack of male ono stories, so I decided I should try and write some. This is my first story, so leave some criticism for me to improve myself. Enjoy! Xander was a pretty average(-ish) guy- brown hair, blue eyes, tan skin, and a nice, muscular build. He was at the boys' sports team. And he played football pretty well, it was honestly surprising he wasn't the captain of the team! And yet, every man has at least one flaw. For Xander, it was having a small bladder. So far, nobody really noticed his 'flaw', until it was his 18th birthday.. "Xander! Wake up, dumbass, Mom made you your favorite omelette!" Allen, Xander's 15-year-old brother, yelled out while tugging on his brother's PJs. Hearing the news, Xander got up, and ran to the kitchen in a span of what seemed like 5 seconds. (he likes his omelette. don't judge the man.) "Xander! You're finally up, happy birthday." his mom exclaimed as she put Xander's plate in front of him. And inside the plate was.. "A Classic-Denver Omelette! Holy cow!" Xander only had those omelettes for special occasions. And what would be better to eat than a Classic-Denver Omelette on his 18th birthday? "Happy birthday, dear! Now, I suggest you eat quickly, you woke up pretty late. The school bus never waits, and you know that very well!" his mom said. Xander gobbled up his omelette, made himself some coffee to wake up, and ran to his room to change his clothes. He combed his hair, forgot to brush his teeth, grabbed his backpack, and ran outside. Xander made it to the bus stop just in time, thankfully. But as he got on the bus, he got a small tingling feeling at his lower chest. 'Shit. I better use the bathroom right after I get to the school,' he thought. He sat next to a window, and to his horror, he saw the rain starting to pour. 'Damn it!' Xander exclaimed internally. The bus stopped next to the school, and the students went pouring out of the bus. Just like how the rain was pouring to the ground. Xander went out of the bus last while fighting the urge to hold himself. He was walking, or wobbling, to the entrance. He opened the doors to the school, and his football team surrounded him. "Happy birthday, mate!" "My boy's finally an adult." and similar sentences could be heard throughout the hallway. to be continued. i guess. Edited January 21, 2023 by FluffyEyebrows (see edit history) Alex62, BlueRaven and Finn is Sleepy 2 1 Quote Link to comment
plas broek 23 Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 Good start. Are you planning to write a sequel? Quote Link to comment
pguy69 497 Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 It's a great start, and I applaud anyone starting out with their writing. Personally I would love to see some more detail though, make it longer and build the suspense, especially where the desperation is concerned. For me, the more detail the better! Quote Link to comment
Alex62 1,482 Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 Amazing start! I would love to read to rest of this so please write more! Quote Link to comment
j2319 819 Posted May 15, 2023 Share Posted May 15, 2023 Nice start. Look forward to what happens next. Quote Link to comment
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