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transgender (ftm) Bathroom "Culture Shock"


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Hi all! So I'm a trans man, and I'm at a point in my transition where I'm using the men's bathrooms now. It's been a bit nerve-wracking but also interesting. I've experienced quite a bit of "culture shock" in the process, lol. 

So, I wanted to know from other trans people, what's the biggest thing that surprised you when you started using the opposite gendered bathroom?

For me it's the number of men who don't wash their hands. 😕

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For me it's how clean the women's room usually is. I've heard horror stories about how there is blood and shit smeared everywhere sometimes, but thankfully that's never happened to me. I HAVE encountered men's rooms where the floors are all so fucking sticky, because of all the piss everywhere. 

Also nobody has given me shit for standing to pee in the women's room, surprisingly. 

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@violentdreams

"How loud men are when they go to the bathroom! I swear, you'd never hear someone moaning and grunting in the women's room, but it's practically a given in the mens"

Having experienced both sides of the divide you might have an interesting response to my thread on which is harder to hear when you have to pee men or women peeing! This is an interesting thread because I feel like trans people would probably notice the difference between men and women in the bathroom more than the average person would since they have known both sides of it.

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I’m also right about at that same point in my transition. The hand washing is a huge one. I’m also annoyed by the lack of tiny trash cans. Not for menstrual products as I haven’t done that in 6 years. I just want I place to put my pocket wrappers. Also the like non issue that lacking soap or paper towels is. Like a men’s room at my school has had an empty soap dispenser in it for 6months

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@Ms. Tito

"There are men who refuse to wipe their ass because they think it's gay."

It's often been said that the most homophobic people often have their own issues with homosexuality but good God must those men have some major issues. Seriously if there was award for being most homophobic to a ridiculous degree they would win that one hand down, and they can put those hands down because they know that they're not putting those hands in their ass to wipe themselves!

"Meanwhile I fucking SHOWER after taking a shit just to feel any semblance of clean"

I don't take a shower every time I take a shit but if I have a lot of diarrhea I definitely do because in my ass becomes really irritated if I don't.

@OrionsBelt

"Reminds me of that one guy on twitter who thought toilet paper was redundant because "ain't that what underwear for???"

I think that twitter provides an excellent window into the most disgusting aspects of human behavior. People of future generations are going to know all of this stuff just because everybody has to mention every trivial thing. I wipe my ass with my underwear!

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I feel this is related enough to put here, my transmasc friends both were surprised at the "leave a buffer" thing that guys do at the urinals. They thought it was some kind of inside joke or a even a myth.

For me it was ingrained as long as I could remember and it almost seems like common decency to leave a space, where if there's an opportunity and you don't, they'll give you a funny look or something. Like sitting exactly in front of someone at a movie theater when the whole row is open, if that's an appropriate analogy.

I'll admit some guys take it way too far, just outright waiting for a urinal to open up when the free buffer is already there, or even leaving a buffer stall (though this might just be an odd coincidence the few times I noticed it).

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How much other women like to chat in bathrooms. I was never spoken to by anyone in a men's restroom, but since I began presenting 7 years ago and using the proper women's bathroom, I've had so many compliments and small conversations sent at me that before voice training was.. Scary, but weirdly nice? Also like a few others on here, despite the occasional gross restroom, most have been cleaner.

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44 minutes ago, M Decell said:

How much other women like to chat in bathrooms. I was never spoken to by anyone in a men's restroom, but since I began presenting 7 years ago and using the proper women's bathroom, I've had so many compliments and small conversations sent at me that before voice training was.. Scary, but weirdly nice? Also like a few others on here, despite the occasional gross restroom, most have been cleaner.

What's weirder is that while men won't even use the urinal next to another man, women will literally share a fucking stall. 

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@Ms. Tito

"What's weirder is that while men won't even use the urinal next to another man, women will literally share a fucking stall."

I think in most cases homophobia is an outgrowth of toxic masculinity, which is not to say that there aren't plenty of homophobic women, maybe even extremely homophobic women, but I do think that women are more comfortable with other women and the bodies of other women, even if they are not lesbians, compared to men, who even if they are gay are probably uncomfortable expressing it towards another man simply because of these different codes. Women can be close and intimate with other women in a way that most men would never even dream of.


Again it doesn't need to be necessarily homosexual in nature but I do think that women are less phobic about other women than men are about other men. Most men have some type of ingrained homophobia into them f from a very young age and men are much more judgmental about men being intimate with other men than women are with other women. Women are just able to be closer to each other physically and emotionally in a way that men are not generally allowed in society without ridicule.

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@PrinceOfThePee

As a cis male (so far I guess - there is some mental question about this at times - so bear with  me) ...

1. I find it horrifying the number of men who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom (1 or 2). If I see a guy with a date (over the span of my lifetime 99% of the time it was with a woman ) I've wanted to yell - "HEY, that guy did not wash his hands!" I didn't. But I wanted to. Personal hygiene and public health, you know.

2. Guys most often space themselves at urinals. Most often. Occasionally, there are assholes who will crowd you on a row of urinals. My experience has never been that it was about a sexual interest thing - or if it was I was too dense to pick up on it. The times it happened to me was when some jerk wanted to brag about the size of his cock. Usually he would pull it out and say something very loud about how it is so difficult to piss and not let his huge (9", 10", etc.) cock drag the rim of the urinal (YUCK! right?). 

Then I sensed him closer as he said something like "So, I saw you peeking over and jealous of my HUGE MONSTER COCK". 

Now, I am not a guy who looks at other people unless I have to do so. ESPECIALLY not in bathrooms. So there is no way I was glancing at his cock, even inadvertently.  So I am thinking maybe this is a come on. And each time this has happened, I have been pissed on and/or shoved and threatened to be beaten up. (I am 6' and 200 lbs. I WAS beaten up when I was in high school and college when I was 6' 1" and 128 lbs.) . 

That is just FYI how a few jerks can be. They are usually very loud all of the time (in and out of bathrooms) and want all attention on them. I have found that if you are in a public place where that kind of guy is located, and you can hear him above all others at his table/group, avoid going to the bathroom alone with him.

Sorry if I am being overly paranoid for you, but guys can be jerks. 

 

Oh, and never ask a guy to share toilet paper or reach under the stall for anything. Guys don't do that. And they don't talk between stalls. 

 

I hope it was OK that I posted a response, if not, I will delete it and apologise.

 

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4 minutes ago, tennyson said:

@PrinceOfThePee

As a cis male (so far I guess - there is some mental question about this at times - so bear with  me) ...

1. I find it horrifying the number of men who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom (1 or 2). If I see a guy with a date (over the span of my lifetime 99% of the time it was with a woman ) I've wanted to yell - "HEY, that guy did not wash his hands!" I didn't. But I wanted to. Personal hygiene and public health, you know.

2. Guys most often space themselves at urinals. Most often. Occasionally, there are assholes who will crowd you on a row of urinals. My experience has never been that it was about a sexual interest thing - or if it was I was too dense to pick up on it. The times it happened to me was when some jerk wanted to brag about the size of his cock. Usually he would pull it out and say something very loud about how it is so difficult to piss and not let his huge (9", 10", etc.) cock drag the rim of the urinal (YUCK! right?). 

Then I sensed him closer as he said something like "So, I saw you peeking over and jealous of my HUGE MONSTER COCK". 

Now, I am not a guy who looks at other people unless I have to do so. ESPECIALLY not in bathrooms. So there is no way I was glancing at his cock, even inadvertently.  So I am thinking maybe this is a come on. And each time this has happened, I have been pissed on and/or shoved and threatened to be beaten up. (I am 6' and 200 lbs. I WAS beaten up when I was in high school and college when I was 6' 1" and 128 lbs.) . 

That is just FYI how a few jerks can be. They are usually very loud all of the time (in and out of bathrooms) and want all attention on them. I have found that if you are in a public place where that kind of guy is located, and you can hear him above all others at his table/group, avoid going to the bathroom alone with him.

Sorry if I am being overly paranoid for you, but guys can be jerks. 

 

Oh, and never ask a guy to share toilet paper or reach under the stall for anything. Guys don't do that. And they don't talk between stalls. 

 

I hope it was OK that I posted a response, if not, I will delete it and apologise.

 

I appreciate the info! 

Urinals still terrify me, lol. I have a packer that also allows me to stand to pee but I'm too nervous to try a urinal yet. 😅 

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4 hours ago, tennyson said:

@PrinceOfThePee

As a cis male (so far I guess - there is some mental question about this at times - so bear with  me) ...

1. I find it horrifying the number of men who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom (1 or 2). If I see a guy with a date (over the span of my lifetime 99% of the time it was with a woman ) I've wanted to yell - "HEY, that guy did not wash his hands!" I didn't. But I wanted to. Personal hygiene and public health, you know.

2. Guys most often space themselves at urinals. Most often. Occasionally, there are assholes who will crowd you on a row of urinals. My experience has never been that it was about a sexual interest thing - or if it was I was too dense to pick up on it. The times it happened to me was when some jerk wanted to brag about the size of his cock. Usually he would pull it out and say something very loud about how it is so difficult to piss and not let his huge (9", 10", etc.) cock drag the rim of the urinal (YUCK! right?). 

Then I sensed him closer as he said something like "So, I saw you peeking over and jealous of my HUGE MONSTER COCK". 

Now, I am not a guy who looks at other people unless I have to do so. ESPECIALLY not in bathrooms. So there is no way I was glancing at his cock, even inadvertently.  So I am thinking maybe this is a come on. And each time this has happened, I have been pissed on and/or shoved and threatened to be beaten up. (I am 6' and 200 lbs. I WAS beaten up when I was in high school and college when I was 6' 1" and 128 lbs.) . 

That is just FYI how a few jerks can be. They are usually very loud all of the time (in and out of bathrooms) and want all attention on them. I have found that if you are in a public place where that kind of guy is located, and you can hear him above all others at his table/group, avoid going to the bathroom alone with him.

Sorry if I am being overly paranoid for you, but guys can be jerks. 

 

Oh, and never ask a guy to share toilet paper or reach under the stall for anything. Guys don't do that. And they don't talk between stalls. 

 

I hope it was OK that I posted a response, if not, I will delete it and apologise.

 

I wish more guys could be nicer. 

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Definitely the asocial nature of men's bathrooms. I expected all kinds of problems based on how trans women close to me would say, "if you don't pass, you don't pee." But no man has so much as looked at me long enough to even make passing an issue. I feel lucky, but in the way someone would feel lucky if they watched their neighbor's house get destroyed by a tornado while theirs remained untouched.

Men's bathrooms really are dirtier/smellier on average, but thankfully I'm not too squeamish. The funniest thing is when you use the out-of-the-way one and find syringes, glory holes, etc. and you're like "oh, so I found the Party Bathroom."

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