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When Hugo came home from making deliveries, he had brought home some fast food for River and Duncan. River was more enthusiastic about the meal than Duncan was. Before, in his old life, Duncan had eaten out at lots of upscale restaurants, with big dining areas and a real sense of atmosphere. 

He couldn’t go to those places now. Even though they had the funds for a big dinner out, the public presented too many dangers. He and River hadn’t left this cabin once since they’d gotten here, the cozy walls were beginning to feel more like the bars of a prison cell. Duncan longed to treat River to a fancy dinner, it was what he deserved… 

Eating cheap hamburgers and limp fries while they sat on the couch just wasn’t the same thing. 

River, on the other hand, was delighted with the food. Duncan supposed that had a lot to do with how hungry he’d gotten in the past— Pretty much anything must have seemed gourmet to him after spending years getting most of his meals out of dumpsters. He’d told Duncan a bit about that, and it made Duncan’s chest ache to imagine him digging around in garbage until he managed to find something that looked edible enough. 

That was probably also why River sometimes ate the way he did. Almost… Aggressive. And really, really fast. Shoveling food into his mouth so quickly he probably didn’t even taste it, and acting sort of possessive over it as well. Like tonight, he was stuffing fries down his throat eleven or twelve at a time. 

Duncan encouraged him to slow down— He’d had to help River out after he’d accidentally choked himself a few times. “It’s not going anywhere,” Duncan reminded him. “And, you’ve survived WAY too much stuff to go out by clogging your airway with a french fry.” 

River obeyed, managing to actually CHEW his food before swallowing it. It had been a long time since he’d lived on the streets, but warm, filling meals like this remained an absolute blessing in his mind. 

“How was your day?” Hugo asked them. 

“Same as always,” Duncan said, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice. He liked spending time with River, he just wished they could spend that time actually DOING something some days. 

“I’m sorry,” Hugo said. “I’m going to get you boys some new movies to watch, that should help.” Their main form of entertainment was the TV set and DVD player. They both appreciated it, but sometimes seeing things on the screen that they used to be able to see in real life got difficult. “And… Hey, maybe eventually you can take… Little trips out. To places that feel safer.” 

The problem there was that nowhere felt safe. Not anymore. 

“Little steps first,” Hugo told them. “We could start having some of the curtains open when I’m here with you. I’m sure you miss being able to see the sun.” 

The curtains and blinds had been drawn twenty four-seven since they’d moved in. Duncan went rigid at the thought of opening them. “Someone could look in— See us— Someone from the—“ 

“We live in the middle of the woods,” Hugo said. “Even an experienced hiker would have to stumble onto this place accidentally in order to find it. And, we’ll only have them open when I’m with you. You and River can stay away from the windows as much as you like, it’s just… This isn’t healthy for you two. At all.” 

Duncan KNEW it wasn’t healthy, but being found would be even WORSE for his health than just staying inside and never letting anyone see him. Without realizing it, he’d grabbed River’s hand and had begun to squeeze it. 

River squeezed back, using his free hand to lift more fries to his mouth. He was scared too, but very little could squash his appetite. The only time in recent memory that he’d willingly skipped a meal when one was available had been during the game— The only time terror had made him too nauseas to eat. “Let’s… Let’s start with just one window, and work our way through that,” he said. Having one section of the cabin be scary and dangerous would be better than having the whole thing feel that way at once. 

“Alright,” Hugo said, standing from the couch. He went to the window and pulled back the curtains. 

“N—Now?” Duncan asked, frantic. 

“I’m here,” Hugo said. “Nothing will happen if I’m with you.” 

As soon as the curtain was drawn and the blinds had been raised, Duncan was on the floor, tugging River with him. Even if someone looked through the window, they wouldn’t be spotted… 

Hugo watched. He probably should have expected that sort of reaction. It was still the first step back to some semblance of normalcy, though. In time, it would get better. It HAD to. 

River and Duncan finished their food while resting on the floor. River smiled up at Hugo, whom had returned to the sofa. “I’m glad you picked Frankie’s on the way home today,” he said. “They have my favorite fruit punch.” He took a long sip from his cup, the sweet drink pooling coldly on his tongue. 

“I know,” Hugo said. “Hope I got enough for you. That’s the largest size they’ve got.” 

River had figured as much. His hand could barely wrap all the way around the enormous cup. Cold condensation wetted his palms and made him shiver a tiny bit. It was less of a cup, more of a barrel. But, he loved the punch so much that he drank every last drop of it and was disappointed when the cup was empty. 

He leaned back, feeling the liquid slosh inside him. His stomach was so full now he felt like he could fall straight to sleep right where he was. 

Hugo stood after he’d finished his food, he patted River and Duncan on their heads gently. “Get ready for bed now,” he said. “River, you look like you’re about to pass out!” 

River laughed. It was a warm sound. Hugo was so— He made River feel like he had a family. A real one, not like the fake one he’d grown up in. Those people hadn’t been his parents, just his egg and sperm donor. Hugo was more of a parent than either of them had ever been. Twice, River had barely managed to stop himself from calling Hugo “Dad.” 

But, like a father, Hugo had just instructed him and Duncan to get ready for bed. And to do THAT they would need to stand up from the floor, be in-sight of that window for a couple seconds… River knew it was a ridiculous fear, that someone from the Organization would be outside that window at the precise moment he became visible, but knowing that it was silly didn’t make him feel less scared. 

To his surprise, Duncan lurched to his feet first. He moved, a little hunched over and low to the ground, in the direction of the bedroom. He retrieved some pajamas and went into the restroom. River heard the shower turn on, and— 

As soon as the noise of the water spraying penetrated his ear-drums, River received a not so gentle reminder of where all that fruit punch had needed to go… He glanced at the now empty cup, and it actually looked even BIGGER to him now. He did not know the precise size of his bladder, but with as often as he needed to empty it, he figured the cup was somewhere around… Eight times larger? And he’d drank the whole thing so fast… 

And now Duncan was in the restroom… 

Somehow, the knowledge that River COULDN’T pee right now made him need to do it a whole lot worse. He wriggled his hips, feeling silly that he somehow managed to get himself into situations like this while never leaving his house. Staying inside all the time SHOULD have been a surefire way of PREVENTING incidents of desperation, but they happened to him pretty often anyway. 

If it wasn’t Duncan holding him too tightly during the night or early morning and needing to be wriggled free from, it was Hugo or Duncan already being IN the restroom when River realized he had to use it. And, always, when River realized he had to go, it became the only thing he COULD notice, and his laser-focus on his bladder made the pressure increase at a lightning speed. 

He’d always been like that. He knew that thinking about pee when he couldn’t go was the worst thing he could do, but he couldn’t STOP. He’d notice “Oh, I kind of have to pee right now,” and before he knew it he’d obsess over things like “Where can I go?” And “How long am I gonna have to wait?” SO much that he’d talked himself into becoming well and truly DESPERATE for it. 

He wriggled more as he kept sitting on the floor. The shower sounded louder to him now than it usually did. This wasn’t good… He leaned back, giving his bladder more space to stretch. He didn’t have to worry, the restroom would be freed up soon enough. 

But, his bladder was already worn out after he’d gotten so desperate earlier that morning. His holding muscles were tired and didn’t want him to get full again so soon. The exhaustion of his sphincters made him feel like he had to go a lot worse than he actually did. He shifted, pressing the heel of his foot against his groin and shaking his leg up and down. 

Hugo noticed River’s fidgeting, and knew right away what was wrong; River often used his foot to hold himself when he needed to go. For a while after Hugo had first started taking care of River, River had been so grateful to have a home and a job that wasn’t dangerous, but was also worried the rug would be pulled out from under him if he made a mistake. At first, when they were in their workshop together, River wouldn’t ask for toilet breaks, eager to prove to Hugo that he was useful and could work around the clock if necessary. 

Then, one day, River had been polishing the wood on a chair they’d just built and just… All of the sudden collapsed to the ground pulling his foot against his groin. 

“Did you slip?” Hugo had asked. 

“N—No,” River had said, climbing back to his feet, straightening his back out and widening his stance. “It’s fine. I got it. I can keep going.” 

“Got what? Did a bug fly in here?” 

And in response, River had just lowered his head and gotten back to work. A few minutes later, he seemed highly agitated, stomping his feet against the ground and shuffling between them. 

In those days, River had just quit drinking alcohol, and sometimes his body would start to crave it really badly. Hugo encouraged River to drink kombucha when he got in a mood like this. Kombucha, while fermented, was non-alcoholic and could sometimes work as a replacement for him. Hugo offered him some, and River reeled back as if Hugo had just asked if he wanted to eat a live mouse. “Ah—No… That’s n—not a good idea right now!” 

“River, are you okay?” He reached out and put a hand on River’s shoulder. Even with how stiff he’d looked, Hugo still felt surprised when he felt the rigidity of his muscles beneath his fingers. “If you’re feeling sick today, you don’t have to w—“ 

“I’m fine!” River had insisted, jerking his shoulder away. He hadn’t meant to sound so aggressive, but that was a side of him that just came out sometimes… It was a side he’d NEEDED to have when he still lived on the street, and it was hard to get rid of it now that it was no longer necessary. 

“Okay,” Hugo said. “If you want to talk later, let me kn—“ 

River had crouched down again before Hugo could finish his sentence. His foot once more connected with his crotch and he rocked himself against it. 

“River, what’s—” 

“I— I have to go piss!” River burst out. 

Hugo had gone silent for a second. That was all? He just needed to use the bathroom? He’d had Hugo convinced something was hurting him! Although, from the looks of things his bladder probably WAS aching. “Well, why didn’t you just SAY so?”

“I have to work now,” River had insisted. “I have to—“ 

“You HAVE to take a leak,” Hugo interrupted. “Go ahead, I’ll finish this.” 

River rose to his feet, dancing about between them. “But, I’m not done—“ 

“I’ll finish it,” Hugo repeated. “Go use the toilet.” 

After he’d been reassured, River had taken off. 

And after that day, Hugo had needed to sort of wear River down, help him see that taking a pee break while they were working wouldn’t cause Hugo to fire him, or throw him back onto the street. He had to keep telling River that he was a good worker, that he DID need his help and that he was grateful to have it— That taking a couple minutes to pee every few hours wouldn’t destroy their business. 


In order to do that, Hugo had learned how to spot when River needed to go. The foot thing was the usual sign he looked out for. So now, as Hugo watched River rocking against his heel on the floor of the cabin, he knew immediately what was bothering him. “Have too much fruit punch?” 

River nodded, cursing his small bladder. He was sure most people could drink a big cup of punch and then have MORE than thirty minutes to get to a toilet before they felt like they were going to explode. “I should have told Duncan to let me go first,” he said. “I didn’t notice I had to go until I heard the water come on.” 

His eyes kept glancing over to the emptied fruit punch cup. He could pee in it. He certainly didn’t have any issues with urinating into something that wasn’t a toilet. He’d gone in cups when he was homeless, and now that he had a dick it would be a whole Hell of a lot easier to do that right here and now. 

Before his phalloplasty, peeing had been a complicated and sometimes messy affair even if he was on an actual toilet. The placement and angle of his urethra had been in such a way that most of his pee didn’t flow straight downwards, a lot of it went forwards instead. Often, he’d seat himself on the toilet to pee, and instead of his relief trickling down into the bowl like it was supposed to, it would spray right out through the gap between the seat and the rim, splashing the backs of his knees and puddling on the floor. 

Before phalloplasty, the cleanest way River could pee would be by hovering over the toilet and tilting his upper body forwards slightly so that his stream would be angled properly. And he’d STILL usually end up getting some down one of his legs. For a long time, he’d thought that that was just normal, that everyone with a vagina had that much trouble peeing neatly. But, then he’d mentioned it to a girl he went to school with, expecting her to say something like “Ugh, yeah. I hate when it hits my knees. It’s the WORST!” But, instead she’d wrinkled up her nose and asked him what the Hell he was talking about. 

The pissing issue was one of the many things that had suddenly made so much more sense to him when he finally learned the full story of his birth. And it was one of the many things he didn’t MISS now that he’d had his body fixed and put the way that it should have been from the start. Now, all he had to do was point and shoot— So much simpler! His pee always went exactly where he wanted it to go! 

And, if he wanted it to go into that cup now…. 

He reached for it and removed the top. 

“Um… River?” Hugo asked. “You sure you want more to drink when you’re already—“ 

River shook his head. “Not gonna drink out of it,” he said. 

“… Oh,” Hugo said after a moment. “Well, uh… Is it that bad? I’m sure Duncan will be out in a minute.” 

River hesitated, lowered the cup. 

“I— I mean, I won’t be upset with you if you need to ‘use’ the cup. I’m just saying you probably don’t have to wait THAT much longer to use the toilet.” 

River hoped that was true. His bladder had loosened up at the idea of peeing in the cup, now that he felt a little too embarrassed to use it, his bladder felt taut and irritated. ‘Pleeease hurry up, Duncan…’ he thought. 

Duncan, meanwhile, wasn’t hurrying. Duncan loved his dark, silky hair and the regimen he had for washing it was one of the few activities he could still enjoy after the thing with the Organization. He used three different shampoos and conditioners each night, and that tended to take a while. 

He had a bit of an urge to rush THIS night though, and he cursed himself for not peeing before he got in the shower. Of course, Duncan knew that most people peed in the shower and there wasn’t any shame in that. But, he just had a hard time convincing his body to do that. Something about deliberately fouling a place where he was supposed to be focused on getting clean made his bladder unwilling to relax. He’d only pissed in the shower once in his entire life, and that had been an accident that he couldn’t control. 

Tonight, he tried again to unclench and pee down the drain. He had to go pretty badly, and the running water, mixed with the feeling of it on his skin, wasn’t helping at all! He crossed his bare legs, pinching his dick shut between them as he rubbed more shampoo into his hair. 

In the living room, River wasn’t doing much better. He’d forgotten about the open window eventually, so antsy from the need for relief and the urge to walk around. Hugo did not remind him about the window as he paced back and forth with desperation. Maybe, Hugo thought, having something to distract him would help him get used to having the windows open. He felt bad that River’s distraction right now had to be needing to pee, but if it worked… 

River froze at one point, and Hugo assumed he’d spotted the window again and it was scaring him. But, instead of saying anything about that, River’s hands dropped against his crotch and he bounced in place. Poor guy’s bladder must have been aching… 

In the shower, Duncan’s bladder sure was aching! He moved onto the final conditioner and ran it through his hair a little more haphazardly than usual. He kept trying to pee where he was, and his bladder stayed stubbornly plugged shut. Finally, he’d gotten the last of the soap washed out of his hair, so he shut the shower off. His urge already felt a little subdued now that the hissing noise had ceased. 

Outside, River’s ears perked up the second the shower had stopped running. He frantically rushed to the bathroom door and stood outside it, jiggling up and down, certain he’d be able to go in just a moment! Just as soon as Duncan got dressed! 

Duncan stepped out of the shower and reached for his pajamas, but his bladder picked THAT moment to start dribbling, so he decided getting dressed could wait. He threw himself down onto the toilet seat and immediately his stream fired into the bowl. “Ahhh…” he sighed. 

Duncan preferred to pee sitting down most of the time. It was relaxing, and considering how stressed he always felt, anything that felt soothing was welcome. He also liked how it allowed him to have a full view of the bathroom— Someone could come up right behind him if he was standing! He knew that was unlikely, but he still preferred to keep an eye on everything when he was in a vulnerable position. 

A shiver trailed up his spine, the immense relief mixing with the chill of sitting on the cold toilet seat while naked and still damp from his shower. He smiled softly to himself. Maybe not being able to go in the shower was worth it if it meant he got to feel this good afterwards… 

Just outside the door, River was more or less running in place, his hands gripping between his legs. He’d been so sure Duncan would be out by now! What was taking him so long to get dre— 

River’s ears picked up on a new sound, the unmistakable hiss of urine flowing into the toilet. “Nnnnhhhh!” River hissed. Nothing was worse than listening to someone else pee while he was about to burst! He considered rushing back to the living room and flooding that cup anyway! Even if Duncan was only going to be a couple more minutes, River wasn’t sure if he had that much time left to spare! 

Duncan kept sitting on the toilet, emptying his bladder out. He was surprised by how long he was going for. It must have been almost a minute already and he could still feel more pee aching to come out. He finally finished several seconds later and stood up. He flushed the toilet, and as soon as the water began to suck down the pipes, he heard a cringing mewl from outside the door. 

Confused, Duncan got dressed as quickly as he could and opened the door. “River, are—“ 

River shoved past him, stomping his feet harshly against the floor as he threw the toilet seat up and pulled his dick out. He didn’t wait for Duncan to leave the doorway, his stream was erupting the second he was in the right position. An intense moan followed it just a second later. “Ahhhh… Fuuuuck…” 

Duncan blinked a few times. River must have been holding that a while to have been so desperate. Why hadn’t he knocked on the door while Duncan had been in the shower? He would have gotten out and unlocked it for him if it was such an emergency. “River…?” 

River blearily opened his eyes, “Hm?” He asked, a little dazedly. 

“You… You know I would have let you in here earlier if you’d just asked, right?” Duncan said. “You could have peed while I was showering.” 

“I…” River was interrupted by a splatter of piss hitting the rim of the bowl. He turned back towards the toilet, watching his aim more closely. “I didn’t want to rush you, I guess.” 

“I would have just gotten outta the shower for a second and unlocked the door,” Duncan shrugged. “Not a big deal…” 

River finally finished and zipped back up. “Oh…” he said. “Er, next time then.” 

River showered quickly and put his pajamas on. He followed Duncan back to their room and nestled himself in bed beside him. Nights were a challenge for both of them. Not just because they were prone to bad dreams, but because the time it took to fall asleep left them alone with their thoughts, with their memories and their fears about the present. 

They often ended up talking to each other until their needs for sleep finally won out. Sometimes, it took just an hour, other times it could take several. They never talked about the Organization before bed, since that was what they were trying to keep out of their brains. Usually, they just shared things about themselves. 

Sometimes, those things were sad, and sometimes not. When River talked about himself, it was usually something sad though. 

Duncan could tell River needed to share those sad things, so he always allowed him to do so. Duncan was curious about some of the sad things, he just never asked about them. He waited for River to bring them up. 

“They never even told me, you know?” River said. 

Duncan did know this part of the story. Or at least, he knew some of it. “About your…” 

“Yeah, about being intersex,” River said. “My parents never said a word. Lied to me my whole life about it. I told you about the weird way I pissed before my bottom surgery?” 

Duncan nodded. 

“My Mom told me that all girls pissed that way, and that I was just a ‘slow-learner’ so that’s why I made a mess. She basically told me I was stupid and that’s why I peed weird, not that I peed weird because my bits got rearranged incorrectly. And, for some reason she still gave me the whole speech about how I had to be prepared for getting a period, when she knew that wasn’t ever gonna happen to me,” River said. “I didn’t want one, and her always reminding me it was coming just scared me shitless. And she even acted all concerned when I was fifteen and still hadn’t gotten it. She was trying to pretend she had no idea anything was different about me.” 

Duncan held River’s hand. He had never met River’s parents, and never, ever wanted to. His own parents had been terrible people, too. They hadn’t been able to accept he was gay and threatened to disinherit him if he didn’t pretend to be straight. But, at least they hadn’t modified his body when he was an infant and then lied to him about it. He couldn’t even imagine what River must have felt when he finally learned the truth. 

River cuddled closer to Duncan. “After they kicked me out… I never thought I’d sleep in a warm bed again. It’s… It’s weird but, even after everything that’s happened, I still feel happy most of the time because I finally have people who love me.” 

Duncan hugged him tighter.

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River woke the next morning just as desperate as he’d been yesterday. Whenever he made it through the night without getting up to use the toilet once or twice AND without wetting the bed, he always woke with an extremely full bladder. 

Luckily, Duncan wasn’t coiled around him like he’d been yesterday. River could stand from the bed and— Ooof! He crumpled over on himself as soon as his feet made contact with the cold wooden floor. He squeezed his cock and hopped up and down, his hips shaking as he waited for the atrocious spasm to pass. 

Once he was able to start walking, he made his way from the bedroom and down the hall. Cringing, he released one hand from around his cock so he could open the bathroom door. 

But, it didn’t come open. 

Memories of the previous night came back to him. Duncan had said he was always free to knock if it was an emergency— And this was definitely an emergency! He pounded his fist against the door, shouting “Duncan! Please hurry! I have to go piss!” 

There was no response from inside, and he couldn’t hear the shower running. Nor could hear the sink faucet, or the sound of pee hissing into the bowl. He was grateful for these things as he knew his bladder wouldn’t be able to handle listening to them, but he was also confused. What was Duncan doing in there? He knocked again. “Duncan, please? I— I just woke up, so it’s real bad!” He shuffled from foot to foot— He just couldn’t hold still!

Standing in front of the restroom was making him have to go worse, so he made himself head to the living room and sit on the sofa instead. He brought one of his feet up onto the couch with him, rocking against frantically as he prayed for Duncan to hurry up with whatever he was doing. 

He felt the couch shift and he opened his eyes to find Duncan beside him. Finally! He stood up immediately, dribbling slightly into his pajamas, but not caring since he knew he was close now. He wordlessly began shuffling away, but Duncan stopped him. “River— Uh…” 

River bounced in place. “Whaaaat?” he whined. “Can’t it wait?” 

Duncan shook his head anxiously, and River noticed a quiver in the other man’s legs, his thighs rubbing themselves together. “Th—The bathroom door is stuck…” he mumbled. “I’ve been holding it since I got up.” 

River froze, but just for a second before his bladder demanded him to start moving again. “B—But—“ he stammered. “I—“ He rushed back to the door. Duncan was probably wrong— He HAD to be! River was about to pop! He—He probably hadn’t pulled on the door hard enough! That was all! He wrapped both hands around the door knob— ignoring the warmth he felt around his crotch after he’d let go of his dick— and tugged it as hard as his strength would allow. “Nnnh… Come on…” he muttered. “Stupid… fucking… I need to go now! Let me in!” 

The door wouldn’t budge. He let go of the knob and let his hands fly back between his legs as he took several mincing, pained, contorted steps in place. This was bad, and it was completely unfair! He should be able to piss in his own fucking house! Angered, he kicked the door, the action sending a horrific jolt of need up through his leg and into his bladder. He felt another drop seep out and he stumbled backwards, squeezing himself even harder. 

“River,” Duncan said, coming beside him. “Don’t hurt yourself.” 

“I need to go!” River said, as if he hadn’t already made that incredibly obvious. 

“I— I know,” Duncan said. “I do, too…” he wriggled his hips, tensing up his lower body. “B—But the door’s just stuck… Hugo can take it apart when he gets home…” 

Hugo would not be home until the evening! Hours and hours away! River would wet his pants multiple times before Hugo arrived. There was no way he could contain himself until then. He already felt an accident was fast approaching. He couldn’t believe Duncan apparently thought that HE could last that long! 

Duncan saw the panic on River’s face and realized that the statement he’d MEANT to sound reassuring had just caused River to feel more certain that he was going to burst. “Hey, it’s alright… Let’s look for somewhere else to go.” 

River nodded frantically. He’d go anywhere— Anywhere! Just so long as this pressure went away and he got to keep his pants mostly dry! “Hurry…” he gritted. 

Duncan wandered into the kitchen. He had a funny feeling in his chest. When they’d escaped from the hit-men, River had been completely in charge, making all the decisions, keeping Duncan safe like a body-guard would. And, so often, River was still taking care of him, holding him after a nightmare or coaxing him out from under his blankets when he was feeling scared. 

It felt good to be the one taking care of River for once. River tried to come across as tough, hard and impenetrable, which Duncan reasoned was probably a defense mechanism he’d developed when he was homeless, but even the gruffest person looked vulnerable when about to wet their pants. 

Duncan opened the fridge. 

No water bottles, Hugo had taken them today. There were other bottles, but they were still full of juice. He couldn’t just pour all that down the drain, could he? He checked the cabinets next, they were mostly bare since none of them really knew how to cook. They ate take-out or fast-food most days, and otherwise had microwave TV dinners. They didn’t have any bowls. 

Duncan looked inside the trash can after that. He recalled the huge cup of fruit punch River had drained last night— That would DEFINITELY be enough to fit his bladder. But, the trash can was empty. Hugo must have taken it out this morning. 

Could… Could River just pee into the empty trash can? Duncan didn’t think anything would leak out of it… And his own bladder was starting to spasm startlingly at the idea. It told him that this was a fantastic plan, that he and River should BOTH release their streams into the receptacle. 

But, then his rational mind took over as he remembered they’d need to somehow clean the thing out afterwards to keep the entire cabin from reeking of urine. 

So, then where could— His eyes shifted to one of the closed windows, and he remembered that he and River were currently surrounded by trees and bushes on all sides. If they could just go outside, then they’d both be fully relieved in a matter of minutes. 

But, that was the problem, wasn’t it? Just going outside wasn’t something either of them could do anymore… 

Duncan left the kitchen, he found River still in front of the bathroom door, angrily pulling on the doorknob with all his strength. 

River’s teeth were grinding from the exertion, and his bladder lurched in constant spasms, but he HAD to get the door open! His eyes popped open and fell on Duncan, anxiously going towards his hands. When he didn’t see the other holding any type of container, his need to urinate skyrocketed even further. “Pl—Please tell me you found somewhere for me to piss?” he begged. “Please?” 

Duncan shook his head. “No bottles or anything in the kitchen,” he said, hating the dismayed, panicked expression on River’s face. 

“Then what the Hell am I supposed to do?” River asked. “There’s seriously NO room left in my bladder!” 

“I— I—“ Duncan rubbed his hands against his thighs, feeling the tautness of those muscles. He was so focused on River’s plight that he kept forgetting that HE needed to go pretty badly as well. “Oh! Towels!” he exclaimed. 

“T—Towels?” 

“Are they all in the bathroom?” Duncan asked. “You can wrap your… self… up in one and—“ 

River was already spinning around to face the hall closet. If there were any towels NOT in the bathroom, that would be where they were! He flung the door open and found… Some shoes, a few shirts and some pants. He supposed he could ALSO shoot his piss into the material of one of the shirts, but all of the ones in the closet belonged to Hugo. Hugo wasn’t here to say if it was okay or not. He just stood there, staring at all of the items that couldn’t help him. 

Duncan frowned at the contents of the closet too. He would have appreciated a towel to relieve himself into as well. 

River rocked on his heels, crossing his legs back and forth wildly. “Nnnh… Fuck…” He bounced up and down, strands of his hair flying. He didn’t even really know WHY he was still trying to hold it. He WAS going to pee his pants before Hugo got home and fixed the door. He may as well just get it over with! Duncan was the only one around to see, and he could get himself changed and clean the floor off, it wouldn’t be THAT bad to have an accident! 

He made himself go still, intending to just let it flow so that it would finally stop hurting, but Duncan caught on to what he was doing and stopped him. “River, no,” he said. “Don’t give up. We’ll think of something.” 

River’s legs snapped back together, a horrendous shock of pain flaring through his midsection as he went from telling his bladder to relax to immediately telling it to close back up a second later. He twisted on his feet, turning around in tiny circles. “Please think of it fast, this hurts so fucking bad…” 

“I’m trying,” Duncan said, watching as River crouched to the floor and shoved one of his feet underneath himself, still jiggling wildly. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” River muttered. “I need to piss… I have to go piss so fucking much…” 

Still, the only solution Duncan had was going outside. All his hair was standing on end just at the thought! 

Maybe they could just pee out of a window without needing to go all the way outside? Opening a window would be scary too… Duncan’s bladder felt like it was wobbling inside him, he shifted from side to side and swore he could feel his urine sloshing. He had a bit of room left in his bladder, but not very much. It was only a matter of time before he was as bad off as River! 

Duncan walked through the cabin, thinking about the logistics of pissing out the window. The windows weren’t really at crotch-level for either of them, they were too high up. River was probably gonna piss with the force of fifty fire hoses when he finally let it loose, so maybe he’d be able to shoot it up high enough that it made it through the window? 

Or, maybe they could use something to help them reach… The barstools in the kitchen were all stuck to the floor. The couch was too heavy for Duncan to move by himself, and if River exerted himself on anything that wasn’t holding his pee, he was sure to have an accident. Same went for the beds. 

Going out the window would be too messy. 

They had to go outside… 

Duncan shuddered. Fear wrapping an icy hand around his chest. He went back to River, his boyfriend was now just muttering curses to himself and occasionally kicking the stuck door. The impact of his foot against the wood didn’t seem to be helping his bladder too much, because each time he did it he would whimper loudly and double over— Once or twice Duncan even heard a little hissing noise coming from him as some of his pee spilled out. He didn’t seem able to STOP himself from kicking, though. 

“River…?” Duncan said. 

“Just let me the fuck in…” River mumbled. “I’m going to fucking burst, you stupid, god damned door…” 

“River!” Duncan repeated, louder now. 

River snapped out of it. “Pleeease tell me I can go piss soon?!” 

“Um…” Duncan swayed back and forth from something that had very little to do with his bladder. “Well… Uh… Outside, there are lots of trees…” 

River cringed, tipping his head back. “D—Don’t tease me!” He snapped. “You know I can’t!” 

“I—I know, I don’t want to either,” Duncan said. “But, there’s nowhere else, and you’re… You’re about to…” 

River wriggled his hips, shifting his bottom against the floor. He thought, for a second, that he’d prefer wetting his pants to the risks merely stepping out the door held. Then, fury boiled inside his chest. 

Those fucking bastards from the Organization. They’d controlled his every move when he’d been their prisoner, and they were doing it again now when they weren’t even around! Now, he was going to piss in his clothes because of the terror and paranoia they’d filled him with?! 

No! 

Never! 

River was in charge of River! And River wanted to take a very long, very satisfying leak against a tree! River wanted to do that NOW! 

He stood up onto his wobbly legs and hobbled to the front door. He reached a hand, about to open it, and then his arm just froze. He told his hand to go forwards, to grasp the doorknob and turn it. He BEGGED his body to listen to him, but icy chills ran down his spine and without realizing it, he’d backed away completely. 

He threw himself onto the couch, hands digging against his crotch and legs crossing in all directions. And he held it. 

Duncan’s heart ached as he watched all of that play out. He knew he would have reacted the same way in River’s position. He didn’t want to leave the cabin any more than River did. 

He decided now to just sit on the sofa with his boyfriend and try to console him. He’d do his best to encourage the desperate man to hang on, but he knew that would be impossible. He’d just have to help him stand up when he started to wet himself, and reassure him afterwards that it was okay he’d had an accident. 

Duncan rubbed River’s taut back, listening as he kept muttering incoherent, angry gibberish about how bad he needed to go. “I’m gonna fucking burst… Hhhh, it hurts so bad…. I can’t fucking keep it in…” 

“It’s okay, River…” Duncan soothed. “How long’s it been since you last went?” 

“Last night, after you got out of the shower…” River said, miserable. 

There wasn’t a clock in this room, but Duncan knew that had been a long time ago. No wonder River was brimming with pee… “You can hold it longer, I know you can do it!” 

“I can’t, Duncan,” River said. “I can’t fucking wait anymore. I need to piss so badly that I feel like it’s gonna gush out my nostrils.” 

Duncan winced. “Try to think of something else?” 

“I can’t do that even if my god damned life depended on it,” River said. “The piss is up to my motherfucking ribcage.”

“Um…. Let’s go back to our bedroom and watch a movie?” Duncan offered. 

“I don’t even think I can stand back up,” River admitted. “Dammit!” 

“What?” 

“I keep— I just can’t stop leaking!” River exclaimed. 

Duncan was now worried for the sofa cushions. “Stand up before you—“ 

“Shitshitshitshitshit!!” River cried, doubling over with an anguished wail. “I’m—“ 

Duncan heard a louder hiss coming from River. It lasted about three seconds before he was able to stop. Duncan grabbed River’s shoulders and hauled him up, intending to allow him to have his accident somewhere that it would all land on the easy to clean, wood floors. But when he saw the look on River’s face, so anguished and upset, he couldn’t let that happen. 

Barely thinking about it, he dragged River to the front door and got it open. He led him down the steps and into the grass. River heaved with panicked gasps the entire time, and Duncan wasn’t sure if that was caused by leaving the cabin or by how much he had to pee. 

“I— I really— Oh, Hell—“ River kept choking out, shoving his pajama bottoms and boxers down so that they bunched around his knees, a stream blasted out of him immediately, the drips turning into a furious jet of liquid relief that transformed all of his agony into mind-breaking pleasure. 

Duncan was squinting hard now that they were outdoors. He hadn’t seen the sun in so long that the afternoon sky was absolutely painful. The blue was too bright. The white clouds were too bright. The glare of the sun was DEFINITELY too bright. Duncan felt like his eyes were going to be burned right out of their sockets. 

“Haaaaahhhhhh….” River moaned, and Duncan turned to look at him, his eyes barely open. They widened a LITTLE more when he saw River had pulled his pants down completely, leaving his butt on full display. He must have been too desperate to mess with the button on his pajamas… 

“Sweet… Merciful…” River panted. He just… He couldn’t believe it could feel this good just to take a piss! His urine kept pouring, and he was completely delirious. He couldn’t keep his eyes open, and he registered that it was painful to open them for some reason, but couldn’t work out why. All he could register was that his insides no longer felt like they were pulling themselves apart. “Haahhhhh….” He never wanted this feeling to end! 

Duncan’s bladder grew more irritated the longer he watched River go, so he stood beside his boyfriend and unbuttoned his pajamas, releasing his own stream with a soft sigh. “Mmmm….” The pressure slid away from him, his poor bladder deflating for the first time today. 

Duncan actually finished first, in spite of starting second. His stomach churned. He knew River had a smaller bladder than he did, so all that moaning and wailing he’d been doing must have been justified if he was still releasing such a violent, forceful stream after all this time. 

River finally finished, shuddering hard as he pulled his pants back up. “Jesus fucking.. That feels so much better!” He gasped. “I—“ He looked around, and finally figured out why his eyes had been hurting. He’d just been so focused on GOING that he hadn’t fully paid attention to WHERE he was going; He’d been gushing away into the grass beneath his feet, because he was OUTSIDE.

He was outside for the first time in months. 

And nothing bad was happening. 

But, fear cinched him anyway and he rushed back to the door, returning to the safety of the inside. Duncan anxiously followed him. They shut the door, and locked it. Then took deep breaths as they stood behind it. Duncan grabbed River’s hand and squeezed hard. River squeezed back, unsure of what to say. 

Finally, River spoke; “I— We were just outside.” 

“I know…” Duncan nodded shakily. 

“A—And it was okay…” River added. “Th—This time…” 

“Yeah…” Duncan said, as they started to go back to the couch. They collapsed there and just held each other. “I— I didn’t think I’d ever go out again,” he admitted. 

“Me neither,” River agreed. “I… I can’t believe THAT’S what finally got us out there…” 

Duncan blushed. “I’ll say… You had to GO, didn’t you?” 

“That was probably the worst I’ve ever needed to piss in my entire freaking life, yeah,” River nodded. “I seriously feel like I’m just gonna start fucking floating any second now, must have lost, like, fifty pounds getting all that outta my system.” 

Duncan wasn’t sure why, but he smoothed a hand over River’s lower belly, around where his bladder was. River flinched for a second, but then let out another sigh. He was SO sore there that getting a bit of a massage felt pretty good. “Oh, by the way, you’ve got a really cute butt,” Duncan added, making River blush. “Just thought you’d like to know.” 

River smiled, because there was a spark of how Duncan had been when they’d first met, that first day of their imprisonment with the Organization, before either of them had known what they were really in for.

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Hugo came home hours later, by which point River was again dying for the toilet. Having brought himself to the absolute bursting point earlier, his small bladder was tired out, his holding muscles sore and not eager to do all that again. But, he felt certain he could hold THIS piss back until the restroom was available again. That didn’t stop him from hovering over Hugo the entire time, hopping from foot to foot and muttering the word “Hurry,” under his breath over and over, though. 

Duncan had to go quite a bit by that point, too. His bladder was pinching at him, protesting his vow to let River take the first turn in there. 

Not that River waited to be TOLD that he could be first to go. The second the door cracked open, River had shoved his way through it. Duncan heard his zipper getting torn down before the thing had even shut all the way. Through the material, Duncan could make out the hissing crash of River’s desperate stream pouring out, and the fluttery moan he couldn’t help but release. Duncan crossed his legs tightly at all those noises. “Ooohhhh…” he whimpered. 

“You really need it too, huh?” Hugo said. “Sorry, River really should have ASKED if he could go fir—“ 

“I—It’s fine,” Duncan said, letting a hand drop down to his waist and grip around his dick. “I was already gonna let him go first…” 

“He still should have asked… I’ve been working on it, but he’s never had the greatest manners.” 

“It’s really okay,” Duncan said. He hopped a few times. “I— Ooooh, I need to— I— I’ve sort of noticed River can’t… Wait as long as me.” 

“Ah, yeah,” Hugo said. “I’d have to pull over for him pretty much any time we drove anywhere, back before… Before…” 

Duncan looked away. He was sure Hugo must have missed being able to go places WITH River. He didn’t know their entire history, but the way Hugo looked at River was the way a man would look at the son he was immensely proud of and loved with all his heart. It must have been soul-destroying not to get to bond with him in the same ways anymore. 

Duncan finally heard the toilet flush, and he bobbed up and down as the water moved its way through the pipes. ‘Ah— Hurry, River!’ He thought. He listened to River rinsing off his hands— River seldom really ‘washed’ them after a pee, just ran them under the water for a couple seconds— And, at last, all the torturous, watery noises went away and the door was open. 

“E—Excuse me,” Duncan mumbled, pushing past River and Hugo to take his turn. 

As he pulled down his pants, he heard Hugo murmuring to River; “See, that’s what YOU should have said once I’d gotten the door open for you, instead of just shoving.” 

Duncan sat on the toilet, exhaling breathily as his stream pattered into the water below him and his bladder finally deflated. ‘Hugo even scolds River like he’s his Dad…’ he thought. 

“Aw, come on, I— It was kind of hard for me to talk, you know!?” River was saying. 

“You didn’t have a problem telling me to ‘hurry’!” 

Hugo didn’t sound angry or irritated, and that made Duncan happy. He certainly didn’t think River should be in any trouble for acting that way when he was close to an accident for the second time in one day. 

Duncan finished peeing and pulled his pants back up. Unlike River, he DID actually wash his hands after urinating, so it took him a minute before he was back in the hallway. River had gone, but Hugo was still there. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked. 

Duncan nodded, and followed Hugo back into his bedroom. He felt dread rising up in him, chasing away the last of the relief still lingering after his pee. “What’s wrong?” 

“Er, you know how we were talking about River, uh, ‘not holding it for long’?” Hugo asked. 

“Yeah,” Duncan said. 

“There’s… No way he could have waited all day for me to get home. I’m even surprised YOU did it, I—“ 

“He couldn’t… Neither of us could,” Duncan said.

“I… See,” Hugo said. “Um, just let me know if any part of the floor needs extra cleaning, or what I need to get washed, and—“ 

“We didn’t have accidents,” Duncan interrupted. “We… We went outside.” 

Hugo’s eyes widened. “You did?! That’s fantastic!” 

“Y—Yeah, I think River actually needed to go so much he didn’t totally realize what he was doing… But, it was the only place we could… Do it, so we just went out front and—“ 

“I’m really proud of you,” Hugo said. “Really. Just yesterday you were both terrified of opening a window, today you’re—“ 

“I—It was an emergency,” Duncan said. “That was all. River was— He was hurting. I— I really don’t like seeing him in pain, it brings back… Stuff.” 

Hugo patted him on the head. “I understand. But still, I’m proud. And you both should be proud, too.” 

*** 

The next morning, Hugo had an announcement. Since River and Duncan had left the cabin once now, Hugo thought it was time to bring them out somewhere for real. Duncan wasn’t so sure, “W—We only went just RIGHT outside our house because it was an emergency…” he said. “That’s all.” 

“It would be really good for you both to actually get out,” Hugo said. “We should do it soon, before you lose the nerve you built up after yesterday.” 

Duncan didn’t know if they’d really built up any ‘nerve’! All they’d actually done was avoid making a really huge puddle on the floor by any means necessary. 

“Wh—What would we do?” River asked. “I don’t… I would maybe feel safer somewhere…” Where WOULD he feel safer? Nowhere but here, he didn’t think! Outside, someone with ties to the Organization could see him and Duncan, could hurt them, could watch them and then follow them back home, and— 

An attack would be less likely in a place with lots of witnesses. It would also be hard to keep track of someone if it was really crowded. There was probably a confusing, winding route they could take home, which would make it tricky for anyone to trail after them… 

“S—Somewhere… Crowded,” River said finally. 

“Crowded?” Hugo asked. “Really, I thought—“ 

“W—Witnesses,” River explained. “I—If something… Happens.” 

Duncan liked the way River was thinking and started to nod. 

“A—And, I want us to take a really long and confusing drive home,” River added. 

“What?” 

“So, if someone tries to follow, they’d lose us!” Duncan said. “Right, River?” 

“Yes.” 

“So, that would help you both feel safer?” Hugo asked. “You’re sure?” 

They each nodded. 

“Okay…” Hugo said. “I’ll think of a good spot.” 

*** 

They decided to go to the mall and see a movie. The mall in town was always crowded since it was one of the few places to go for entertainment, and the movie they’d chosen had just been released and was the latest in a highly popular series. There would be tons of people. 

Hugo was hopeful he could coax them into looking at some of the stores AFTER the movie, too. But, if they wanted to go straight home, that would be fine. This was still an enormous step towards healing and being friends with the world again. 

They arrived at the mall, and Duncan felt… Weird. He felt scared, but there was a certain DEEPNESS to this fear. Like, ice was forming inside of his bones, crystalizing and freezing his joints together. He walked very stiffly through the parking lot, and didn’t make it more than five steps before he’d grabbed onto River and just… Held him. His hands coiled around River’s arm, and only got tighter. 

And River… River had been the ‘leader’ when they’d escaped from the Organization. He’d been first around every corner, first through every door… His brain turned to mush and static, only clear thought managing to squeak through; ‘Protect Duncan.’ Over and over again. Just ‘Protect Duncan.’ 

River would keep Duncan safe at all times. Even if it meant ignoring all of his own fear and pretending that it didn’t exist. “I—It’s okay, Duncan…” River whispered as they followed closely behind Hugo. “I’m in charge, I can handle anything bad that comes our way.” 

They entered the mall, and Duncan somehow managed to clutch River even harder. It actually hurt an awful lot… It didn’t help that Duncan was also hanging onto the arm that housed River’s phallo-scar, which STILL got random aches every now and then.

“Okay,” Hugo said, at a volume that River thought would announce to everyone exactly where they were, but was probably barely even above a whisper. “The theater is this way… We have time, do you want to go to a store first?” 

Duncan tried to answer ‘no’, that he just wanted to sit in the dark theater where he thought he’d feel safer. But, that icy cold feeling in his bones was moving up higher, it coated his throat, washed over his tongue, sunk into all his jaw… And all of the sudden, the language Duncan had spoken all his life had left him. He just… He didn’t know what was happening, but he couldn’t move his mouth, couldn’t form any words, couldn’t find his voice… 


So, he just shook his head. 

“You sure?” Hugo asked. “River…?” 

“I…” River was able to talk, but his voice came out barely above a whisper. “I don’t think so… Maybe after…” 

“Well, okay,” Hugo decided not to push it. Not to push THEM. He found himself wishing he’d paid more attention during that one semester of psychology he’d taken decades ago in high school. How was he supposed to know back then that one day he’d be tasked with taking care of two highly traumatized people and trying to help them ease back into something that resembled normalcy? 

He THOUGHT he was doing the right things, he thought taking them out would, over time, help them get better. But, where was the balance? Too fast, and he’d make them panic, maybe just traumatize them further. Too slow, and they’d continue to cocoon themselves at home, becoming more and more detached from anything that wasn’t themselves, Hugo, or worlds they could only enter in books. 

He hoped that the speed at which he was trying to move them was correct, but they were both… He’d expected them to be scared, but they were shaking, clinging to each other… Duncan hadn’t said a word since they’d gotten here… 

Hugo decided to try and get him to speak. Once he’d talked once, Hugo was sure, it would be a lot easier for him to do it again! So, he’d just ask Duncan a question that couldn’t be answered with a simple yes or no. 

They stopped at the concessions before going to their theater. Hugo asked River and Duncan if they’d like something, and was pleased when they both nodded. “What do you want?” He asked. “You can have anything.” 

“F…Fruit punch…” River mumbled. 

Hugo nodded and, knowing how much River loved fruit punch and how much River WOULDN’T want to have to get up during the movie for anything, he got him a large size so that it would last him. “Duncan? How about you?” 

Duncan still hadn’t released River. He wanted to say that he would like a Cola but, just like before, something inside him wasn’t working. The gears in his jaw seemed to have spontaneously grown rusty, because it refused to unhinge and let him speak… 

Hugo knit his brows as Duncan remained silent.

Finally, Duncan made a noise, but it didn’t make Hugo feel any better. It was a tiny squeak, almost a whimper. So small that his lips barely moved.

“Duncan…? Is something—” 

“D—Duncan likes Cola best,” River informed. “R—Right, Duncan?” 

Duncan managed a tiny nod, feeling warm that River had remembered which drink was his favorite. 

Hugo got Duncan his Cola and handed it to him. He nervously led them both into the theater and sat down with them. River was eagerly sucking down his fruit punch, and Duncan was taking hesitant, small sips from his cup. 

Hugo was concerned. It was almost like Duncan suddenly COULDN’T talk for some reason. But, that didn’t make any sense! Duncan wasn’t sick! He hadn’t even gone outside where he’d be able to catch a cold! Why would he lose his voice? He’d been talking just fine that morning, too! 

Duncan clutched River’s hand as the previews started. River clutched back. He kept drinking his punch, having a task to focus on was calming him down somewhat. But, he was really anxious. Not just about being outside, but about Duncan… He hadn’t liked how he’d needed to speak FOR him a few minutes ago, and that little creaky sound he’d made… It all caused River to feel uneasy. 

River paused his drinking for a second. “I am in charge, remember?” He said. “There’s nothing I can’t handle, so just leave everything to me, and try to feel safe.” His spine chilled then, and he didn’t really understand why. 

Duncan squeezed his hand again, and River returned to his beverage. 

The movie began. River actually really enjoyed it. Even before the Organization, movies in an actual theater had been a rare treat for him. This one was so exciting, too. Lots of action and intrigue and things to keep him focused on things other than how scared he was and how— 

‘I NEED TO PISS!’ River’s body screamed at him. Jesus fuck… He suddenly realized he’d merely been chewing on the straw in his cup for the last several minutes, all of the punch already gone and filtering through his body— A whole lot of it already asking if it could please be released now. God, he needed the toilet… He crossed his legs, his bladder cramping inside him. 

How much time was left in the movie? Could he hold it until— Ah, no. No way could he hold it. Now that he’d noticed it, he was stunned he hadn’t already pissed his pants. He wriggled in his seat. What should he do?! If this had been BEFORE the organization, he’d just stand up, shuffle past Hugo, and use the nearest restroom, because leaving the theater by himself wouldn’t have been terrifying. 

But, it WAS terrifying now. 

Duncan jumped when River accidentally kicked him while crossing his legs around the other way. He could tell pretty easily what was bugging his partner, but he didn’t know what to do about it, either. He could tell River to ask Hugo, and then they could all take a pee break together? 

His lips moved to form River’s name, but no sound came out, and River didn’t notice. 

River too had realized he could just ASK Hugo to please, please bring him to the toilet before he exploded, but then he thought that standing up and leaving the theater could give someone a chance to get a good look at them. 

‘For fuck’s sake,’ River thought, rubbing his ankles together frantically. ‘What are the odds someone with that organization is IN this theater and will turn from the screen just in time to see you— And somehow be able to tell even in the dark that it’s YOU?’ 

All the rational thoughts in the world couldn’t chase away that one terrified, illogical one though. 

So, River made himself hold it. 

He made himself hold it all through the entire last hour of the movie, holding his crotch, bouncing his legs, sitting on his feet and begging his body to hold on. Duncan kept rubbing a thumb over his hand, and River figured Duncan had probably noticed his distress. 

Hugo noticed it when the lights came on and he had a clearer view of his surroundings. River was doubled over on himself by then, one hand wedged firmly between his thighs as his legs bobbed up and down. 

Hugo’s first instinct was to joke around, ask River if he’d really liked the movie THAT much since he’d been so determined not to miss a second of it. But most of River’s behavior was based in trauma. Of course he hadn’t gotten up for a pee during the movie, he wouldn’t go off anywhere by himself now. So, instead Hugo whispered “You could have tapped me. Duncan and I would have walked with you to the restroom. Let me know next time, okay?” 

River just whimpered, he didn’t have the energy to explain why he’d been too scared for that. His body bent so far forward that the top of his head was brushing against the empty seat in front of him. 

Crap… Had they both lost their voices now? “River, you okay?” 

“I have to go piss!” River whispered sharply. 

Okay. Good. He could still talk… 

“I— I know, come on. We’ll take you.” 

They exited the theater, doing so rather slowly since River was having a great deal of trouble walking and Duncan wouldn’t stop clinging to him. They walked down the hall, passing the first men’s room since it had a line, and finding another out in the main part of the shopping mall. “H—Here,” Hugo said. “This one will be nice and empty and safe for you,” he encouraged. “Go on.” 

River scurried in, bladder aching from the anticipation of relief. Once the door had shut behind him and he was now alone in the empty, unfamiliar place, he felt different. The sensation that the world was about to fall apart beneath his feet overtook him and he felt dizzy. The throbbing of his bladder brought him back to reality. 

In the time before the Organization, he always used a stall. He’d just gotten used to stalls before his phalloplasty and had never thought ‘Oh, right. I can finally use the urinals now.’ River was a bit of a creature of habit, he supposed. 

But, this time, when he stepped into the stall and pulled the lock into place, his heart instantly started slamming around in his chest and he felt blood rushing in his ears. Something in him was screaming ‘NO LOCKS! TOO TIGHT! TOO DARK!’ So, he quickly left the stall and rushed for the row of urinals instead. 

Once there, he paused for a second, trying to decide if there was a specific area he was supposed to aim at. His bladder sent him a very sharp plea not to worry about that, so he just took out his dick, hoped he was pointing it at a spot that wouldn’t cause splashback, and prepared for his torment to come to an end. 

But then, the strangest thing happened. 

There was no stream. There was no relief. There was just an ever-growing pressure in his abdomen that continued to hurt worse and worse. 

What. The. Fuck. 

Why the Hell wasn’t it coming out? First he’d been fighting not to piss his pants and now he couldn’t piss at all? He rubbed a hand over his lower abdomen, and the pain skyrocketed, but he still didn’t actually pee. The silence of the empty restroom penetrated his ear drums. He kept checking back over his shoulder, all of the shadows in the room becoming twisted and frightening. Some of the stall doors weren’t open all the way, he couldn’t see in them. Anything could be in there. 

He just had to hurry up and pee so he could get out of here! 

He bounced sharply on his heels a few times, begging his body to please, please just let him piss so that this ordeal could be over with. But, the harder he tried to get his stream started, the more determined his bladder seemed to be to hang onto it. 

Finally, the silence became more than he could handle. He zipped himself up and, the second he did, his bladder released a protesting squirt into his boxers. With an angry growl, he pulled his dick back out and aimed, and— 

Nothing. 

Again. 

He wanted to break something. 

But, the only thing it looked like he’d be breaking today was his own bladder, unless he somehow managed to get it to empty. He struggled for several more seconds before he gave up yet again. He tucked his member back away and pulled up his zipper. Again, as soon as his pants were closed, a dribble of liquid warmed his crotch. But, he didn’t bother with getting his cock back out. He was pretty sure he already knew what would happen if he did. 

He stomped out of the restroom, barely managing to restrain his urge to punch a wall on his way out. He was so frustrated that his steps were harsh and slapped against the ground, sending sick reverberations of need through his bladder. But, he didn’t care. His stupid bladder had been given its chance, it was its own stupid fault that it was still full. 

Hugo was still standing beside the door, Duncan clinging around his arm. Duncan released Hugo and grabbed River instead now that he was back. “Mmm…?” he made a low, inquisitive noise that River guessed was broken-voice-speak for “Feel better now?” 

“No,” River said. “I— I don’t know what the fuck just happened in there, but I couldn’t piss and now I just gotta go even worse.” 

Hugo scratched his chin. He tried to remember if River had used a urinal yet or not… After his phalloplasty, he’d still opted for stalls every time Hugo had seen. “Was someone next to you?” He asked. “Because, that’s normal. Lots of guys get some stage fright if—“ 

“No. I was the only one in the room,” River interrupted. He’d known what Hugo was getting at, but THAT was not something which applied to him. He’d pissed in plenty of places that weren’t the least bit private back when he was homeless. Another dude being at the urinal next to him would have been NOTHING. “And I can go in front of people. You’ve seen me go before.” 

That was true. Hugo had just thought that maybe River would feel differently around a stranger. Apparently not. “So, you… Couldn’t go even though you were alone?” 

River shook his head, miserable. “And I still feel like I’m gonna explode my kidneys! I just— I gotta go home. Now. I think I can go there.” 

“Are you sure? We still haven’t seen any stores, or gone to din—“ 

“L—Let’s just order a pizza once we’re back home?” River suggested. “Please? It really hurts…I need— I need to go home!” 

Hugo couldn’t say no now that River had admitted he was in pain. But, he was still perplexed by this turn of events. It would be one thing if River froze up because someone was next to him, but this didn’t make any sense to him at all. 

Hugo led River and Duncan back to the car. They got into the backseat and he started to drive them in the direction of the forest. “Do you still want me to take the zig-zaggy, long way home?” He asked. 

The confusing route would be safest, in case someone had spotted them. But, it would take a while and River just had to go so, so bad… He chose safety over his need for relief. “Yes.” 

“Okay,” Hugo said. “If… If you need me to pull over along the way…” 

River shook his head. He was certain that if Hugo pulled over, he’d have the same problem again. He just needed to be home… 

Duncan was still clutching his arm, and River turned to him. “Long way okay with you?” He asked. 

Duncan just nodded, no sound left his mouth. He was still utterly silent. 

Hugo drove, a pit forming in his stomach. True, this was only their first trip out, but it had gone just terribly. One of them forgot how to speak, and the other suddenly couldn’t use the bathroom for some reason, in spite of what was obviously a SEVERE need to do so. He hoped the next outing went better. If he could convince them to GO on a second, anyway. 

River gnashed his teeth together as the car bounced along. He still wasn’t used to the feeling of being in a moving vehicle again, having to endure that with a full bladder increased the discomfort tenfold. He squeezed his thighs together and bounced his knees. 

Duncan inched closer to him. “Mmm… Sor…ry…” he managed to force out. 

“I—It’s not your fault,” River assured him, just happy he’d actually said something. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.” He crossed his legs. “I just— I gotta hold it, I guess. I’ll be able to have a piss once we’re back home.” 

Hugo was driving slightly above the speed limit. He would not allow River to wet his pants on his watch. He was going to make damn sure the guy made it. When he glanced back at them in the rearview mirror, he saw River had graduated to holding himself again— Both hands, too. 

This was bad. 

River leaned backwards in his seat, staring up at the ceiling. He could feel every crack in the road, and each one stabbed his bladder without remorse. ‘Why the Hell couldn’t I go at the mall?!’ He kept wondering. Maybe he’d spent so much time inside lately that he’d developed a shy bladder in spite of not having one before? 

‘Bullshit. I’ve pissed in fucking bushes with people babbling a few feet away, I don’t get pee-shy. Especially when there’s no god damned people around.’ 

Wait. 

It was the silence in the restroom that had freaked him out, right? The silence, the solitude inside an unfamiliar room where threatening people could very easily hide… 

Did he just get… ‘Stage fright’, as Hugo had called it, because people WEREN’T around to look at him while he took a piss? Well, then stage fright was probably the wrong term, but he thought he DID have an idea of what his issue was now. When he thought more about it, the idea of urinating in a packed restroom where people would be sure to see if someone jumped out of a stall and did something to him sounded… Maybe not exactly pleasant, but better than the empty, silent room he’d been in earlier. 

If this theory was correct, then River hadn’t spontaneously become pee-shy. He was… Whatever the opposite of pee-shy was. He could only go if someone WAS looking. So, maybe he would have had better luck using the FIRST bathroom they’d passed, the one with all of the people crowded inside it. 

Well. A fat load of good figuring all of that out did for him NOW. He was still just going to have to hold it all the way home! He coiled his legs together when they went over a speed bump. He felt like his bladder was being juggled around in the air or something. He looked out the window, but felt like an idiot a moment later. Of course, he couldn’t gauge how close they were to the cabin because he wouldn’t recognize any of the things they were passing. 

Which left him with one other option to find out how much longer he had to contain himself; Asking ‘are we there yet?’ over and over like a bored child on a road trip. He didn’t want to do that, it would be so humiliating, and he held off as long as he could. But, eventually the pressure was so bad that he just blurted it out; “Hugo, how much further?” 

“It’s going to be about half an hour,” Hugo replied. “Can you do that, River?” 

And Hugo’s voice was so paternal, so utterly caring and comforting, that River felt… Well, he wasn’t sure what he felt. His chest and face felt warm, like they did when he was embarrassed. But, it wasn’t a ‘burning’ kind of heat, it was more like being wrapped up in a cozy blanket… “O—Okay,” River said, shifting his position again. “I can make it…” 

Duncan squeezed his arm again. “River… Okay?” He croaked. 

“Y—Yeah,” River said. He was still deeply concerned by how Duncan was acting, too. The way he was talking or, rather, NOT talking was unsettling. 

“Good…” Duncan sighed. 

River jiggled his legs. He wasn’t okay. Not really. He felt like he was about to go, right where he was. He was going to piss all over the seat. That thought gripped him with its icy tendrils, shudders ripping up his spine. “H—Hugo?!” River whimpered desperately. “When are we going to be home?” When he didn’t receive an answer within an eighth of femtosecond, he added “Hugo. Hugo, soon, right? Soon?” His bladder cramped so painfully, and a burst of heat soaked his boxers. “Ahhh—!” 

Hugo tensely gripped the steering wheel. It had been less than five minutes since River had last asked that. “St—Still about half an hour,” he told him. “I’m sorry.” 

River doubled over, bucking his hips against his clenched hands.He sucked his stomach in tight. He felt like it had already BEEN half an hour! He felt like it had been half a day! He couldn’t make it! He’d waited so long already, through the drive TO the mall, through the movie, through the anxiety-induced lock-up in the restroom… It had already been more than his small bladder could handle! He felt a long, slow dribble seep out of him, and he bit his lip to keep from cursing. 

“Hold on, River…” Hugo encouraged gently. “I know, it’s an emergency… I’m getting you home.” 

Duncan patted River’s rapidly bouncing knee. He wanted to tell River that he’d make it. He wanted to tell River that it would be okay if he had an accident. He wanted to tell River… Anything to make it better! But, while he could get his mouth to move enough to form those words, his vocal cords wouldn’t put in the effort to drag them out. 

River leaned into him, coiling up. He pulled his foot into the seat with him, dug it hard into his shimmering crotch, and Duncan saw now that his boyfriend had already had a little spill… 

He realized with a heavy heart that River probably WOULDN’T make it home in time. 

Another bump in the road was River’s undoing, the next stream that pulsed out of him was violent in its intensity and he couldn’t stop it, he could only restrain it to dribbles. “Bottle!” River cried. 

“Huh?” Hugo asked. 

“B—Bottle!” River repeated, lip catching between his teeth. “Please! Please— Tell me there’s a bottle in here! I can’t—“ a loud hiss filled the air and interrupted him. “I can’t hold it! I need to go piss NOW.” 

Hugo had heard River’s last leak, it had been so forceful that it was impossible NOT to hear it. He hoped the seat underneath River wasn’t too wet. He didn’t care about the seat itself, he was just worried what it would do to River’s self-esteem if he drenched it. Hugo opened the glove compartment.

River anxiously waited, so hopeful. The pressure was increasing again, he’d let out a TON during his last loss of control, and now the rest of his bladder wanted out worse than ever. And from the way his sphincters were trembling, he was certain he was going to burst any second now. 

By the time Hugo had found a bottle, River was gasping, grunting, and holding himself so firmly that it was hurting him. 

It was tiny, about half the size of a normal water bottle, but River panted out his thanks as he pulled his dribbling cock free from his damp boxers. He shook as he readied himself at the bottle’s opening. 

“Ahhh— Hurrryyyy…” River moaned, undoing his seat-belt and scooting forwards. He made quick work of his zipper, the sound of it releasing made his spurting flow restart as Hugo handed him the bottle. Instantly, his bladder cracked open and he was voiding uncontrollably into the little container. 

River let out a wail of immense relief, flopping forwards and allowing his sweaty forehead to rest against the back of Hugo’s seat. It didn’t take long for River to become aware of a new problem; The bottle was too small. The heavy stone of his bladder had only just barely loosened up, allowing River a sample of his relief, and then he noticed the bottle was almost completely full. 

He didn’t know if he could stop! It just— It felt so good to pee, he didn’t want to stop! He wanted to go and go and go forever! Piss was ejecting from him at full-force, his muscles exhausted from being pulled taut for so long. But, the bottle was nearly overflowing! 

River whimpered and clenched his holding muscles, pain erupting from his middle as he tried to cut his stream short. His release slowed to a leaky spurting, but he couldn’t stop. 

“Hugo—!“ River gasped. “Where’s— Is there another bottle? This one’s almost full and I’m not finished!” He was trying as hard as he could to quit going, but his bladder wouldn’t listen, sending more and more dribbles out. 

“I’m sorry,” Hugo said. “That was the only one I could find. I promise we’re almost there… Try to hold on to the rest until then, alright?” 

River whimpered— He could feel there was still SO MUCH left in him!

“You’ve let out a lot of it,” Hugo told him. “That’s enough to give you a little more time.” He just hoped the reassurance would encourage River to make it. 

It seemed to work, as River managed to stop any more pee from coming out for long enough to put the cap back on the bottle and stuff his member back into his pants. He winced at the sodden feeling of the material, it was an awful tease, trying to coax him into just giving up and finishing in his pants. But, he was able to restrain that urge. He wasn’t able to force himself to pull up his zipper or put his seat-belt back on. 

“Five more minutes,” Hugo promised. “You can make it.” 

River was grateful they were so close, but that came with a price. Because, once they’d pulled on to the winding, dirt road that led through the woods and towards their cabin, the ride became painfully bumpy. His bladder responded to each shake of the car by spasming harshly, and his muscles were so frayed from the constant tension that he wasn’t able to stop the warm drips from continually spilling into his clammy boxers. ‘No, please!’ He begged himself. ‘We’re so fucking close! I have to make it now!’ He shook with pain, groaning loudly when the car went into a dip in the road and prompted another loud splash of pee. 

Duncan had heard River’s last loss of control and scooted himself closer to him. He stroked River’s arm. “It’s… Okay…” he told him. It was getting easier to speak the closer they got to the cabin. “River… It will only be a few more minutes…” 

River relaxed a little at the sound of Duncan’s voice speaking in complete sentences. “I have to piss. God, Duncan, I have to go so fucking bad…” he gritted. 

“I know…” Duncan said, kissing his cheek. “Almost there. You can do it.”

The cabin was in sight, finally. River was jiggling like crazy in his seat. He could go soon, he could go very, very soon! Just— Just a few more seconds, please hang on… He shifted, one hand digging between his thighs, the other wound tightly around the door handle, waiting for the car to stop so that he could at last finish his pee. 

River jerked the door open and gently stepped out, his legs were jelly and he wobbled, whined, leaned against the car with both of his hands wedged firmly between his knotted legs. His bladder was boiling, burning away within him as he fought to drag himself to the door. Once there, a hot stream trickled down the side of his left leg. It felt like his bladder must have been the heaviest thing in the entire universe. The stream built into a miniature torrent, quickly re-soaking his drying pants. “Ahhh—!” He moaned, shifting frantically from foot to foot. 

Hugo had run to the door and thrusted the key into the lock, he twisted it and threw the door open for River, who could now only stare inside as he felt the threatening tremble that told him he’d well and truly explode if he tried to take another step. ‘No, no, no! Fuck!’ He’d fought so hard to make it, and now he was gonna completely pee his pants just as soon as he’d gotten home! 

Duncan crept out from behind Hugo, his eyes widening as he figured out what was happening to River— He couldn’t move! “C—Come on, walk with me,” Duncan said, and River sagged against him as Duncan helped him take tiny, half-steps into the cabin. “Almost there, baby…” he said. “Hang on.” 

River whimpered the whole way, he was humiliated, but beneath the humiliation there was something a lot more pleasant. Again, his chest was warm, something inside of him going light and happy as he allowed another person to take so much control over him, to manage him and tend to his very pressing need. The gentle, caring tone Duncan was using only intensified those feelings. “Duncan, it hurts…” 

“It’s okay,” Duncan turned and opened the door to the restroom. “You made it, you’re here. Can you take the last few steps by yourself?” 

River was shaking his head rapidly, he hadn’t stopped dripping little drops since he’d gotten inside, without someone to lean on he’d be forced to feel the full weight of his bladder again. He couldn’t… 

Duncan brought him right in front of the toilet, and River allowed the other to move him there. It was… It was nice to have someone else do things for him, to be taken care of… But, the sight of the toilet was just too much, an atrocious spasm gripped hold of his ailing bladder and a rush of pee burst out of him that was unlike any of his previous leaks. He screwed his eyes shut. His mouth dropped open in an unspoken wail of protest, but his bladder was incapable of following directions anymore. He was peeing for all he was worth. 

Duncan reached into the still open flaps of River’s pants and pulled his damp, spraying member out, aiming the gushing torrent into the toilet for him. “There…” he whispered. “There you go…” 

River’s eyes popped back open when he felt the hand touching his dick, and heard the sound of fluid against water. Duncan was… Doing EVERYTHING for him now. He’d taken his dick out, he’d aimed it, he was still aiming it. River didn’t have to do a thing, apart from just allow his body to continue doing what it NEEDED. 

When he realized that, the relief truly hit him. He could just go now. He could let it all out. No more fighting. No more work. Just the pure bliss of emptying his bladder after such a prolonged period of restraint. “Ahhhhhhh….” 

“Th—That feeling a little better?” Duncan asked. He felt extremely awkward doing this. He was surprised at himself that he was doing it at all. He just wasn’t going to let River have an accident when the toilet was literally right in front of him. 

“Fuck…” River breathed. 

Duncan decided that probably meant ‘Yes, Duncan. I feel loads better now. Thank you so much for helping me go pee,’ and he continued to hold River’s member as it sprayed out its waterfall. 

And that was when it hit him. 

This was… This was the VERY FIRST time he’d ever touched River’s penis. Apart from occasionally feeling up River’s crotch through his clothes, Duncan hadn’t touched his dick until now. Of course, he’d been wanting to do that for a while, this just wasn’t how he’d ever imagined it would happen. He’d imagined it happening at night, they would have been fooling around above their clothes like they often did, and then River would say he finally felt ready to do that without any fabric in the way. 

His cheeks grew warmer, because every time Duncan had fantasized about that, it had ended with him making River moan in the EXACT same way he was doing it now. So, part of his imaginary scenario actually HAD come true? He sure was making River moan up a storm now… 

As some of the haze of his desperation faded, River was coming to a similar realization. This was the first time Duncan had ever touched his penis— The first time ANYBODY had ever touched it, apart from himself… And, technically, the surgeons, but he didn’t know if that could really be counted. 

It felt strange to have another person’s hand on his dick. He’d had other people touch his… old parts, before he’d gotten them fixed, but every time that had happened, it either hurt, or he’d sort of switched his brain off, made himself NOT feel it. This time, he wasn’t switching off, he was feeling everything about this moment. Duncan’s hand was warm and gentle, River’s bladder shrinking and deflating, and all of that felt so amazing… 

Finally, the last of his pee had splashed out of him, and he leaned back against Duncan with another moan. He felt utterly exhausted. Today had been so tiring, over-stimulating. Going out in public for the first time in months, watching a loud action movie, worrying about Duncan, holding his pee until he’d started to break… 

He barely had the presence of mind to tuck his dick back into his pants. They were cold and clammy now, and he realized he’d probably leaked badly enough that he needed to get changed. He’d do that in a minute, once he’d remembered how to walk again… 

Duncan rubbed River’s chest. “Okay now?” He asked. 

River nodded. “I have to change…” he admitted. 

“D—Don’t feel bad,”” Duncan said. “You… Held most of it. Sorry that I just… Grabbed your thing like that. I should have asked first. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“It’s okay,” River said. “I think I… I needed help.” The words sounded strange on his tongue, foreign. He’d taken care of himself since he was sixteen. Yet, today he’d needed a great deal of assistance with something as simple as using the toilet. That should have been shameful, right? So, then why did he feel so happy that he’d given up his control to someone else?

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“I think that I pushed you both too much,” Hugo admitted that night. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Duncan said. 

“It isn’t,” Hugo said. “You both said you weren’t ready, and I… I just really, really don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“You’re trying,” River told him. “You’re right, we do need to get outside. We can’t hide in here for their rest of our lives.” 

“It was too much at once,” Hugo said. “I wish I knew— I wish there was some guide for how to do this, or that I could take you guys to someone… Qualified.” He knew Duncan and River both needed therapy— Probably years of it. But, they’d need to show so many records to get to see a doctor, and with the number of eyes the Organization clearly had, obtaining those records would be a very easy way to get found. 

River also knew they needed therapy. But, not only was he scared to go looking, he was sure that if he told his story TO a therapist, they’d think it was a delusion and not something that had actually happened to him. Even with Duncan corroborating it, telling the same story with the same details, it could be written off as some kind of SHARED delusion. And then what would happen? 

They could only rely on each other, and on Hugo. And none of them had any idea what they were doing. 

Hugo couldn’t shake the feeling that what he’d done today had caused River and Duncan far more harm than good. It ate away at him as he laid in bed that night. He tossed and turned, trying to think of something else he could do to help them recover and feel safe again. Recently, he’d gone out and gotten a gun license, and then a rifle to keep at home— Even though he despised guns. It had been worth it when he saw River and Duncan both visibly relax when he informed them that he had a weapon. 

Maybe they’d like to have something they could carry around with them for self-defense? Definitely not a gun, but something like pepper spray? Or a pocket knife? Just anything they could always have on-hand in case they needed it? Hugo didn’t like having to think this way, stuff like this made him sick to his stomach.

*** 

Duncan had made a mistake. 

Every night he tried to remember to use the restroom before going to bed. He HAD to remember to do that, because he was too scared to move around the cabin by himself at night. Tonight, he’d forgotten to go. 

And, as a result, tonight was terrible. 

He didn’t realize his mistake until River had already started to snore, and he could no longer ask his partner to accompany him without rudely shoving him awake. So, Duncan had told himself to just try to go to sleep and wait until morning. 

Half an hour had passed since then and he didn’t know if he could… 

He’d tried his best to fall asleep, but relaxation was hard to come by with a bladder that was screaming for release. He’d been holding his crotch for ages. Since River was asleep, Duncan saw no reason to feign any modesty about his situation. He could squeeze away and squirm as much as he wanted. 

The trouble was that it really wasn’t helping him all that much. His legs were crossed, his dick was being firmly clutched, and still his bladder scorched within him, pee pounding in a harsh rush against his opening. 

This whole situation felt awfully familiar to him, too. When he’d been younger, his parents had sent him to a fancy boarding school once he’d entered the sixth grade. The rules at the school were extremely strict, and his first day there it had been stressed to him that there were no exceptions for the nightly curfew; He was NOT allowed to leave his dorm after eight PM, unless the place was on fire. 

And, Duncan had misunderstood this rule completely. When the headmaster had said “No leaving the dorm”, he’d thought that meant he wasn’t allowed out of his room during the night. And, his first night there, he’d woken up in his unfamiliar bed, badly needing to relieve his bladder. He’d started to crawl out, when he’d remembered the rule. He had to stay in his room until morning! 

It had been impossible for him to fall back asleep, his bladder was much fuller than he could recall it EVER getting. His pajamas were loose, but still felt like they were strangling his middle. He tried and tried to wait for his alarm to go off, hopeful that he could be first in line for the restroom at the end of the hall, but before he knew it, he was flooding his pants and no amount of clenching helped him regain control. His pants and sheets were completely drenched within seconds, and he just had to lay there, fearful of what was going to happen when his dorm-mates woke up and found him soaked. 

The teasing the next morning was worse than Duncan could have imagined, and it all made him so frustrated that he’d shouted at everyone. One of the dorm supervisors heard, of course, and came to see what was happening. Fighting back tears and still damp with urine, Duncan exclaimed “It isn’t MY fault that I can’t go to the toilet after eight in the evening!” 

So, the supervisor had re-explained the rule to him; He WAS allowed to leave his room and relieve himself whenever he needed to. He just wasn’t allowed to leave the building during the night. Duncan’s dorm-mates laughed at him even more after that— They’d thought it was hilarious enough that he’d just peed the bed, but once they knew he’d had an accident because of a silly misunderstanding, they thought it was twice as funny. 

Duncan had felt like such an idiot… 

Now, here he was trying to do the same thing all over again. Trying to restrain his bladder until morning came when he knew how unlikely he was to actually do it. Except, this time, when the inevitable happened, he’d probably drench River too. Truth be told, he and River had accidentally gotten pee on one another during the night lots of times before. They both had so many nightmares, and sometimes their bladders would empty in response. Some mornings, they each woke up so wet that they couldn’t tell which of them had had the accident, or if BOTH of them had done it. 

When Duncan peed in his sleep and got River wet, River was never angry. The same was true if River leaked some on Duncan. They both knew it was uncontrollable. They’d just change and try to forget that it had happened. 

If Duncan had an accident now while he was awake and fully cognizant of what was happening, it wouldn’t be the same. River may easily believe Duncan had just had a bad dream again, but Duncan would still know the truth, and it would weigh on him like a lead ball chained to his ankle. 

Duncan had to keep it in, he had to do whatever it took to keep it in. He squirmed, rubbing his knees against one another with a whimpering moan. 

River stirred, and for a second Duncan thought he may have woken him up. He’d feel bad, but also relieved that he could ask River to take him to the bathroom. A moment passed, and River’s arms groped forwards, wrapping around Duncan and tugging him closer to his body. 

He was still asleep… 

Normally, Duncan would be happy for the cuddling, but now he had far less room to move when his body was begging him to squirm in all directions. He could still keep his hands on his cock, could still pinch himself shut, but he couldn’t kick his legs about or flail his feet around. His bladder seared, feeling more full by the second. 

He also could no longer just give up and FORCE himself to hurry through the spooky, dark cabin until he got to the toilet. River had him stuck in bed now. 

‘Just hold it…’ Duncan thought. ‘You can wait.’ His bladder throbbed mercilessly. It couldn’t wait.

There were a few things Duncan could do when he was desperate for relief and had no way of obtaining it. Apart from the squirming and clutching, there was one other thing that sometimes helped him out. He didn’t do it every time he had to pee— There were a lot of situations where he just COULDN’T do it— But, when he COULD do it, it always took a TON of the edge off. 

He’d discovered it when he was in tenth grade. He’d been the last one to leave the boarding school’s library one night, and he’d gotten into the elevator to head back down, bouncing on his toes and cursing the sound of the heavy rainstorm outside.

Duncan had been in a big hurry for two reasons; One, he only had about thirty minutes before he’d miss curfew and get into trouble. Two, he was absolutely bursting for a piss and the men’s room at the library had been out of order. 

He’d considered using the women’s— No one was around to see him do it, after all— But, he’d decided against it, certain he could make it to his dorm before he exploded. He’d regretted his choice immensely when the elevator got stuck. 

He hit the emergency button over and over again, because he was having one of the most serious emergencies of his life, but there wasn’t any response. It was then that he realized the lights had gone out on all of the buttons, and that the elevator had stopped because the power was out. 

He was going to have to hold it until it came back on. Duncan had tried everything, squirming, hopping, twisting in all directions and squeezing himself as tight as he could, grateful that he was totally alone in the dark. He’d begun to fantasize about just unzipping and pissing a flood into one corner of the room, but grew scared his parents would be called upon to replace the carpet. 

He and his parents ALREADY didn’t get along that well, and the thought of how mad they were sure to be if he damaged school property with his piss made him all the more determined to hold it. 

But, he COULDN’T hold it! It was almost coming out of him! He was going to have an accident before long! He hadn’t gone since that morning, he was gonna explode, he couldn’t— 

Remembering his one other pee of the day, taken almost immediately after he’d woken up, he recalled he’d had a little trouble getting his stream started at first. That wasn’t uncommon for him early in the morning, since he tended to wake up with… 

Well. He shared his dorm room with three other guys… And there were certain very important things Duncan HAD to do and NEEDED privacy for. When school was in session he had trouble attending to… to certain needs as often as he’d like. And… Yeah, maybe he’d get kind of ‘pent up…’ 

He had wet dreams. A lot. They humiliated him whenever one of his dorm-mates noticed. He swore he got random ‘What? Why?! I wasn’t even thinking about anything!’ boners more often than anyone else must have gotten them. And, pretty much every day, he’d have morning wood. 

And, he couldn’t piss until it had gone down. 

He couldn’t piss if he was… Duncan had felt disgusted with himself for even considering it, but he thought maybe it would help him hold it if he… 

He didn’t have to work that hard to talk himself into trying it. He’d just… Started doing it. Right there in the darkened elevator, over his clothes, and it… It DID make it easier to hold on. 

A couple years later, he was stuck in traffic and dying to go. He was alone in his car, and the windows were tinted so no one could see in. Again, he’d fondled himself overtop of his pants until his dick was too hard to let anything out. It had worked. 

It could work NOW, too. River was sleeping, Duncan was basically alone… His bladder was sending him some VERY angry signals that if he didn’t do SOMETHING, he was going to explode. 

Duncan’s hands went from squeezing his tip to rubbing at his dick. After a few seconds, he tucked one hand down below his waist-band to stroke himself properly. This wasn’t like the time in the elevator— At that point in Duncan’s life, a sharp enough gust of wind outside was enough to get him hard. It took longer for his cock to respond, not helping was how terribly his bladder was hurting. It kept throbbing so powerfully and painfully that it cancelled out all the good feelings of his hand working his length. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to come up with a fantasy. Naturally, the first thing his body WANTED him to fantasize about was simply running to the toilet, sitting down and having a long, satisfying piss. But, imagining THAT was not going to help. He needed something else. 

He’d… Touched River’s dick today. For the first time. He was still surprised by how warm it had felt in his hands, by the contrast between the smooth skin and the rougher areas of scar tissue. It wasn’t exactly what he’d expected it to feel like, and he was so curious about how River’s dick would react to different touches… 

There was a part of him that was wary of his curiosity. He’d been with other men before, and hadn’t ever thought about their dicks in this kind of detail. He’d never felt the urge to compare any of their dicks to his own to the same degree he did with River’s. Was he only more fascinated because he had feelings for River that he hadn’t had for anyone else, or was his fascination just voyeuristic, or fetishism? Was he disrespecting River in his mind any time he started wondering about things relating to his body, or was it just completely normal to be having those thoughts about someone he was so attracted to? 

Duncan sighed, he was trying to get his dick hard as diamond, this wasn’t the time to be stressing out about that stuff, was it? River had never gotten upset by any of the questions he’d asked before, so he must not have ever said anything bad, right? Or, at least, if he had, River knew it was an accident? 

Oooh, accident… Duncan’s bladder cramped up, a drip of urine pooling warmly on his tip and rolling across his skin. He was gonna have an accident… He tried picturing River from earlier, moaning away as Duncan held his dick… Except, instead of moaning because he was relieving himself, he was moaning because Duncan was pumping his cock expertly, making him feel better than he ever had before in his life. 

Duncan kept up the strokes against his length, moving faster and faster, wriggling his hips urgently. Heat was building inside him, and he couldn’t tell if it was arousal or his piss trying to force its way downwards. He felt himself getting stiffer, his cock beginning to lift and stand, some of his need to piss fading the more excited the rest of him got. 

The tricky thing about doing this was that Duncan couldn’t actually allow himself to get off. He’d made that mistake the first time in the elevator, he’d just gone so long without cumming that within minutes he’d done it in his pants and then nearly wet himself once he’d finished. If he came, it would take all the strength in the world not to pee right after. Duncan didn’t have that kind of strength tonight. 

He had to pleasure himself enough to maintain his erection, but not so much that he orgasmed. The more he thought about jerking off River, the closer and closer he felt to cumming. He kept feeling it building up, tightening inside him, his dick begging for more caresses, and he’d fight to restrain himself and slow back down. He was beginning to pant and gasp, twitching with two different kinds of very urgent need— Neither of which he was allowed to grant himself. 

The fullness of his bladder, for whatever reason, now seemed to be heightening the intensity of his ecstasy. Something about all that pressure weighing down on his most sensitive area, all while he stroked and stroked away at it, was creating an absolutely exquisite sensation that had pre-cum leaking out and coating his hand. “Mmmf… Nnnh…” he mewled into the quiet night. He was beginning to picture River on top of him and inside of him, rubbing his cock as he moved faster and faster. “River… Ah…” 

He was getting bleary now, and he perhaps felt a little silly jerking off while fantasizing about the man literally laying right next to him, holding him, but that only made him even more excited. River WAS touching him now, just not— 

Wait. 

Was this okay to be doing? River was asleep right now, if he didn’t want Duncan masturbating next to him, he couldn’t tell him, he wasn’t aware of it… This was… This was wrong, wasn’t it? Duncan made himself slow back down, his urgency to pee already spiking as soon as he’d stopped playing with his dick. 

It… It wasn’t like he was touching River or doing anything TO River, but he was still… This was probably something he should ask permission to do? ‘Hey, River, if I’m ever in bed and about to piss my pants, and you’re asleep next to me, do you mind if I edge myself so I can hold it easier?’ 

Guh, what kind of a question was that!? 

His dick was twitching now, still hard but starting to go softer with the lack of stimulation, and he was needing the toilet worse and worse with each second. “Nnnh…” he gripped his cock again, squeezing and whimpering, and— And, oh GOD he needed to— 

River stirred beside him, groggily sitting up, there was a rustling as he fanned his legs, and then a pained sounding moan. 

“River—“ 

“Duncan, you’re awake?” River asked. 

“Ye—“ 

“Oh, thank God, I have to go piss SO bad, can you please come with me?” 

“H—Huh?” 

River whispered, even though they were alone. “It freaks me out to leave our room at night. I want you with me. I—If you’re too sleepy, I’ll try and—“ 

“N—No!” Duncan said, perhaps a little too loudly. “I’ll go! I— River, I’ve been needing the restroom too, just didn’t want to wake you up about it.” 

“Y—You could ha—“ River broke off, bending over on himself, before frantically scrambling from bed. 

Duncan followed him, hopping up and down as soon as he was on the floor. The cold wood on his bare feet was intensifying his need to such a degree that he couldn’t pull himself upright all of the way. 

Anxiously, they both left their room and fumbled down the hallway. 

Duncan always let River go first, because he knew River had a smaller bladder than he did, but after hours of such intense discomfort, he was already nearly going as soon as he saw the door to the toilet. “River, I’m— I’m sorry, I think I need to use it first…” 

River winced, gripping the crotch of his pajama pants tightly. “Duncan, I’ve already… My bladder is REAL sore from earlier, and—“ He stopped. Duncan looked like he was going to collapse into a puddle if he didn’t relieve himself within the next minute. “Ah, can we go together?” 

“H—Huh?” 

“I can’t wait, you can’t wait. Let’s just—“ 

“I—“ Duncan struggled, wanting to explain that he didn’t feel safe having his back to the door while he peed, and that he didn’t know if they could share the toilet if he was sitting down. He could stand just this one time, except it would be extra frightening to be facing away from the door at night… “I— I sorta… Almost always sit to—“ 

River shrugged. The first few times he’d peed standing up, he’d sort of… Missed a little. It had taken practice for him to get good at it. Hugo had encouraged him to keep trying, and eventually he no longer had trouble. Maybe Duncan had just never gotten good at it. “If your aim’s THAT bad, we’ll just—“ 

“No— It’s— I wanna be able to see the door!” 

“Oh…” River said. He could understand that. He didn’t like facing away from the door THAT much either, but… God dammit, he and Hugo had spent a TON of money and he’d given up part of his arm so that he could stand to piss, so of course he was going to do it! “Er… Spread your legs apart, and I’ll try to… Ugh, I dunno, Duncan. I can’t hold it anymore, I just gotta piss.” 

They could TRY that… “O—Okay,” Duncan said, hurrying in and yanking his pants down. 

River followed, unbuttoning his pajamas and pulling himself free. A little drop of pee was visible on his tip, so Duncan KNEW that they either had to go together or pick which one of them would pee on the floor. Once his pants were down around his ankles, Duncan threw himself onto the seat and unclenched his aching muscles, a powerful jet of pee spraying out into the bowl below him. 

“Ahhhh….” Duncan smiled, shutting his eyes in bliss. His bloated abdomen was shrinking away, and his lower stomach felt almost like it was being treated to a wonderful massage. All the tension finally fading away into nothingne— 

“L—Legs!” River gasped out. 

Duncan blinked his eyes open, confused, then realized that his legs were drawn together and River had no way of using the toilet himself. He quickly spread them apart, giving River a view of his cock pointing into the bowl, and the heavy stream spraying out of it. 

River aimed as carefully as he could, kneeling down a bit so that he’d have less room for error, he was dribbling the entire time he was getting himself situated, and pissing full-force as soon as he was in the right spot. “Hahhh….” 

Duncan’s eyes widened, River wasn’t peeing on his thighs like he’d been a little worried about, but his stream would occasionally make contact with the tip of his dick. It didn’t feel… Bad. His cock was super raw and sensitive from not just his desperation, but the edging session from earlier as well. Anything touching it was going to feel good, even bits of River’s piss… 

It was especially going to feel good when he was still enjoying the euphoria of his relief. His cock twitched, starting to react to how amazing it felt to finally go. His release dwindled from being a steady, rushing stream to coming out in big spurts that he had to push down harder on to get out. He’d gotten WAY too full. 

Duncan was finally drained, but he had to keep sitting there a while longer since River still wasn’t done. Duncan didn’t mind having to wait. He sort of NEEDED to stay sitting while he tried to catch his breath and become reacclimatized to how it felt NOT to be overflowing with urine. 

River’s stream slowed to a stop and he stayed as he was for a second, now feeling very awkward. They’d just done something REALLY weird, and now River had to…. “Er, I have to… Shake, you know? And I don’t want it to fly on you.” 

Duncan reached down and shook his own dick before silently standing and scooting past River. River shook the last drops off of his tip and put his dick back in his pants. 

River went to wash his hands next and then groaned. 

“Hm?” 

“One of us should have just used the sink,” River said. “That would have been LESS strange, right?” 

Duncan doubted if he could make himself pee in a sink. He usually couldn’t even get it to work when he was in the shower! “It’s okay,” Duncan said. “At least we both made it, right?” 

“Yeah,” River said. “I really didn’t think I was going to.” 

“Me neither,” Duncan admitted. “Let’s go back to bed now… And maybe not drink so much before we go to sleep tomorrow.”

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River and Duncan had both suffered a number of injuries when they were imprisoned by the Organization. Most of them had healed, leaving behind just physical and mental scars. But, one of the injuries Duncan had gotten had left what looked to be a permanent issue behind. 

He’d gotten hit extremely hard in the middle with a very, very heavy object. It had been one of the worst pains he’d ever felt in his life, and while he HAD healed up for the most part, it still did effect him. He couldn’t eat too quickly without worrying about throwing up, and sometimes when he sneezed hard enough his bladder would get… Leaky. Even if he didn’t have to go that badly, a sneeze could prompt some dripping and he’d have to run to the toilet. 

He didn’t think River or Hugo had noticed it yet. He never spurted enough to leave a mark, after all. And he didn’t think the way he always hastily mumbled “E—Excuse me, I need to go…” before rushing to the restroom was TOO suspicious. 

Duncan didn’t want them to know about this. 

He’d NEVER leaked in his pants from sneezing before, and he KNEW that the harm done to his body by the Organization was to blame for his new problem. It made him pretty angry, he hadn’t known that ‘not wetting my pants a tiny bit every time I sneeze’ was something he shouldn’t have taken for granted. 

Duncan couldn’t hide his problem forever. A few days after his and River’s first real outing, they both had really terrible colds. Hugo had expected them to maybe get a little sick as they re-entered the world, spending all their time inside meant they weren’t exposed to as many germs, their immune systems may have been affected. 

He hadn’t expected them to get quite THIS sick, though. He actually considered postponing all of the deliveries he’d been planning to make so he could stay home and take care of them. River had insisted he leave, though. Their customers were waiting, and River had taken care of himself while sick plenty of times. 

Being reminded that River had once simultaneously endured pneumonia and a horrendous case of food poisoning while alone on the streets had done very little to make Hugo feel better about leaving them alone. It did the opposite, made him want to take care of River even more to make up for all that time he hadn’t been there. 

“I’ll be fine,” River said. “I’ll take care of Duncan.” 

‘You need someone to take care of you,’ Hugo thought. River eventually convinced him to go, only by pointing out that someone had to go buy medicine anyway and Hugo could make the deliveries on the same trip. 

River and Duncan had then just stayed in bed, trying to sleep off the sickness. It was hard, though. No matter how they laid, their noses would quickly become clogged and it would be hard to breathe. River started to cough violently at one point and forced himself up to retrieve some water. 

“No, let me,” Duncan said. 

“I can—“ River was interrupted by another hacking cough. “I ca—“ 

“Lay back down,” Duncan told him. 

River listened, turned onto his other side, and retched some phlegm into his mouth. Cringing with disgust, he shut his eyes and tried once again to sleep. 

Duncan groggily stumbled to the kitchen and grabbed some water bottles from the fridge. He opened one and started to sip from it. God, his throat hurt so badly, like it was full of little needles and blades. Every swallow hurt him, he could feel the ache move up his throat, through his jaw, up to his ears… 

But, the hydration was helping him a little. He was so, so thirsty. Before he knew it, he’d already emptied that bottle and had to refill it. He drank it more slowly now, returning to the bedroom and handing the other bottle to River. 

River drank it gratefully, then laid back down once it was drained. “Want me to refill it?” Duncan asked, finishing his own bottle off again. 

“N—No, I’m fine for now,” River said. “I want to sleep…” 

Duncan could agree with that. He got back into bed and snuggled up to River. At least, since they were BOTH already sick, they could cuddle as much as they wanted without worrying about the spread of germs. 

*** 

Duncan was out on a date with River. A real one. A normal one. Not just sitting on the couch with him, watching movies, eating chips and calling it a ‘date night’. They were outside, at a real restaurant, like what regular people did. 

Neither of them felt scared, and Duncan had a vague memory that everyone connected to the Organization had been arrested and could never hurt anybody again. He and River were safe forever now. They could do anything.

Duncan felt so free, just being able to sit with River out in public and talk openly, as loudly as he wanted. His voice came out easily, he didn’t need to fight for his words, they were just there. Just like they were supposed to be. Just like they’d been in the days before the Organization. 

Duncan mostly had to use his mouth to drink water, though. For some reason, he was extremely thirsty. He drank and drank until his stomach was making sloshy noises. River actually told him to slow down, which was funny since usually it was River who ate or drank too fast. 

They ate and talked, and just enjoyed one another’s company, and their surroundings. It was so nice to see walls that weren’t just plain brown wood, floors that weren’t more of the same. It was nice to have a world that wasn’t confined to just one tiny cabin in the middle of a forest. 

All that water had to go somewhere though, and soon Duncan was squirming. He couldn’t remember how far they were from home, but was sure it would be too far for his bladder. So, he waited until there was a pause in their conversation and said “E—Excuse me, River, I need to go.” 

River nodded and waved him off. River didn’t need to be scared about being alone at the table. Duncan didn’t need to be scared about going to the bathroom by himself. Everything was fine now, everything was better. 

Duncan was eager to start feeling better in another way, though. He stood from the table, feeling a rush of pressure that made him bend forward at the waist a little bit. He was surprised he hadn’t noticed how much he had to go before! When he looked down, his belly looked rounded and hard, straining from all the liquid stuck in it. 

He walked in the direction of the restrooms, already feeling relieved when he saw the sign for the men’s. He reached out and turned the knob, but it didn’t come open. He paced in place, his nose twitching with irritation. His bladder didn’t want to wait anymore… 

Duncan leaned against the wall and crossed his legs, rubbing his knees together. His middle felt heavy, like it was weighing him down. It was so hard to stand upright when the boulder of his bladder was dragging him back down. Several minutes passed, and the restroom door didn’t open. Not wanting to be rude, but knowing he didn’t have much time left, Duncan knocked on it. “Excuse me… I… How much longer are you gonna be in there?” He rocked on his heels as he waited for a reply. 

“Ugh…” came a pained voice from within. “Sorry, it’s going to be a while…” 

Duncan nibbled on his lip, the surges from inside him growing more insistent. “Er… Can you hurry? I’m sorry, I really need to—“ 

“S—Sorry, I have a stomach condition,” the other guy said. 

“O—Oh…” Duncan winced. He hadn’t meant to embarrass that guy, he just really had to go! He turned around to look at the women’s room at the other end of the hall. If they were single-stalls, then it really shouldn’t matter which one he used, right? He started for it, but was beaten by a woman and her three young children. He squeezed his thighs together, nervously looking down at his bloated stomach. Those kids and their mom were gonna take forever in there… 

Duncan had to find somewhere else to unload his burden. 

He went back to the table and told River that his toilet break had been unsuccessful. “It’s urgent,” he said with a blush. 

“That’s okay,” River said. “I don’t mind looking for another bathroom.” 

They paid and left the restaurant, and Duncan hopped fretfully from foot to foot as he glanced all around. He could hear his pee sloshing each time he jumped, could feel it pushing more and more against his opening. His middle was so swollen he looked like he had spontaneously grown a beer-gut. He wanted to hold himself, but didn’t want to do it in front of River until he just HAD to. 

River took his hand, clearly trying to calm him. Duncan squeezed down on it hard. “Let’s… Let’s try the comic store across the street,” he said, leading Duncan that way. Duncan was scrambling to keep up, tripping over his feet as he tried to cross his legs and walk at the same time. His bladder was cramping hard, twisting in his gut and making him bite down on pained groans. He had to go so bad that it was giving him a migraine! 

They made it to the comic store, and there was a sign taped right on the door saying the toilet was only for customers. That wasn’t a problem, though. River had money, and he loved to collect manga, so they wouldn’t have trouble buying something so that Duncan could piss. 

They entered, and River was already talking to the lady behind the counter. “I’m gonna buy something, but is it alright if he uses the toilet right now?” 

She nodded, pointing towards the restrooms. “Ah, thank you,” Duncan gasped out, rushing that way. He shoved the door to the men’s room open and burst inside. Finally, finally… 

There weren’t any urinals on the wall, and he worried for a second that he’d gone through the wrong door. (He HAD done that a few times when he was younger and dying to piss.) But, when he checked, the sign was indeed blue and said ‘men’s’ on it. So, they just hadn’t installed urinals here for whatever reason. That was fine, he could use a stall. 

Already unzipping, he rushed into the first one, but it was just… Empty. The toilet paper dispenser was attached to the side, but there wasn’t a toilet, nor any piping where one might have once been. Confused, Duncan left that stall and tried the second, but that one was the same. Now, he was frustrated and starting to panic. The third and final stalls were also identical. Nowhere for Duncan to actually GO, and his bladder was sending him a lot of extremely loud messages that he couldn’t carry on NOT going for much longer. 

The sinks! Yeah, he’d just use the sinks! He sometimes struggled using things that weren’t toilets, but with as bad as he had to pee right now, he didn’t think it would be a big obstacle. He’d just pretend the sink was a funny shaped urinal, and that should be enough to trick his body into letting it out. 

He hurried to the row of sinks, reaching past his fly to retrieve his cock. But, once he was AT the sinks, he realized this plan wouldn’t work, either. The sinks didn’t have any drains, they were completely smooth. If he flooded one with his pee, he would be unable to wash away the evidence. 

Instead of freeing his dick, he just squeezed his hand around it, savoring the tiny bit of relief that granted him. This was such a weird place. No urinals, no toilets, no drains in the sinks… It was like the restroom was just there for show and not meant to be used at all for anything! 

He was still clutching himself when he left the room. He’d intended to let go when he saw River again, but he found that to be impossible. River noticed, of course. “Could you not go here, either?” 

Duncan shook his head. “The bathroom didn’t have any toilets,” he stated, the words sounding odd to his own ears. 

River, for some reason, didn’t seem to think that was odd at all. He just shrugged. “Meh, okay. Let’s try another place, then.” 

They left the store, and River showed Duncan the manga he’d chosen. Duncan wished he hadn’t, since a quick flip-through of the pages told him the plot revolved entirely around a martial artist that had discovered he fought better if he had to pee and so always held it before a big match. “Nnnh, I’m glad my problem apparently helped you choose, but I still have to go, remember?” 

“I— I know,” River said. “I’m just trying to think of where you can…” He looked around. “I mean, when I was homeless, I had a hard time finding a spot to piss pretty often. Sometimes, I’d have to go behind buildings, or a bush, or—“ 

“I d—don’t like peeing in public,” Duncan complained, bouncing away and squeezing his member tighter by the second. 

“It’s just an option,” River said. “Only if we can’t find you a toilet and you NEED to. Wanna keep looking?” 

“Y—Yes!” Duncan cried. 

So, they kept searching. They found restrooms easily enough, but something always prevented Duncan from using them. They’d be locked, out of order, closed for cleaning, or not contain any toilets. Duncan was getting dizzy from how desperate he felt, his chest was hurting too, like the piss was flooding up into his ribcage. With as swollen as he looked, it may well have been. 

Finally, he found a bathroom that was open AND had a toilet inside— Something he didn’t think should have been so hard! He dragged himself up to a urinal and pulled his dick out. Finally, finally… No more pressure. He relaxed, and his pee slammed out of him furiously, striking the urinal with an ear-splitting hiss. 

But, for some reason Duncan didn’t feel better at all. He still felt like he was desperate to pee while in the midst of going! He didn’t feel even the tiniest lessening of the pain inside him, if anything it was just getting worse the longer he stood there and went! It was so bad that he was bouncing on his feet, hopping back and forth between them— Doing a pee dance even though he was ALREADY peeing! 

Maybe he’d just needed this so much that it was going to take time before he felt the relief? That didn’t sound right, but it was the only explanation he could think of. So, he waited, peeing away and begging for that loose, fluttery feeling to hit him and chase away all the aching pangs. Over a minute passed. He didn’t feel better. His stomach was still protruding outwards, still stretched. Two minutes went by. It still hurt so bad. Three minutes. Four minutes. Five minutes. His piss kept flooding so viciously, no end in sight. It was like he was going to be trapped there forever now, voiding endlessly and never feeling even the tiniest smidge of relief. 

Six minutes, and now he’d been going so much that the urinal couldn’t drain it fast enough. Pee was splashing out onto the floor, and he felt terrible about the mess, but he couldn’t make it stop! All he could do was shuffle over to the NEXT urinal and begin flooding that one instead, but within minutes the same thing had happened, and he just wanted it all to stop. His entire body felt full. His head was pounding, his chest hurt, he could barely breathe, and— 

Duncan’s eyes blinked open and he was staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. His hands were tucked painfully between his tense thighs and his legs were knotted up into a confused pretzel. Of course, all of that had been a dream. He should have known. It was too unrealistic. 

Especially the part about the Organization being gone… 

He couldn’t spend time wishing that THAT part of his dream had been true, he had too many other things to worry about. First of all, dear GOD did he need to pee. Second, he felt even sicker than he had before his nap. He had the worst migraine in the history of migraines and couldn’t breathe out of either of his nostrils. Third, River was awake and coughing again, so Duncan knew he had to refill the water bottles, but— Ohhh, peeing had to come first! 

“River,” Duncan rasped. “I—I’ll get you some water after I use the bathroom, okay?” 

River nodded weakly, didn’t even try to protest and say he could do it himself. He was accepting the help he needed. “I g—gotta go after you, okay?” He said. 

“W—We can go together agai—“ 

“N—No,” River said. “I’m not bursting, an’ I’m too dizzy to do it standing right now, it’ll go everywhere.” 

Duncan got out of the bed and River followed. Duncan wanted to run to the toilet as fast as he could, but he had to take slow, careful, deliberate steps to avoid spilling his bladder all over himself. 

They got to the hallway, and Duncan felt the most awful thing in the world; a tickling sensation in his nose. 

No. No. If he sneezed now, it wouldn’t just be a dribble that came out… 

He squeezed his dick with both hands as he shuffled along, trying to pick up the pace and fight back the urge to sneeze. The pressure in his head and bladder both worsened, his nose twitched and wrinkled up. Don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze, please don’t— 

Too late. Duncan sneezed loudly and forcefully, and his abdominal muscles all contracted at once, forcing out an immense wave of pee that instantly soaked through his pajamas and splashed on the floor. 

“O—Oh, hurry—“ River said, grabbing Duncan’s arm and trying to help him along. 

“Achoo!” Duncan sneezed again, and his bladder reacted with an even more powerful leak. “Achoo! Achoo!” Every sneeze pushed more pee from his body, drenching his legs and pooling into a puddle at his feet. He would regain control for a fraction of a second, sneeze again, and then he’d be back to pissing. Finally, he just couldn’t stop going, his control had shattered completely and he was just going to keep peeing until he was empty. Through it all, he continued to sneeze. 

River was staring, chest tightening. Poor Duncan… Of course, his body was weaker since he was sick, and sneezing so many times would have made it harder to hold… River put a hand to Duncan’s shoulder, unsure of what to say. He wasn’t good at delicate things like this. “Um… There, there? Just let it out?” He mumbled uncertainly. 

“I— I couldn’t—“ Duncan spoke through a mouth full of phlegm, voice choppy and rough. “Ugh…” He felt so gross. Sick as could be, snot running down his face, eyes burning, throat filled with gunk, and lower body coated in piss. He couldn’t believe River was able to handle touching him now. He also couldn’t believe he still wasn’t finished urinating. He wished it would just stop. Nothing about this release felt good. It was revolting and humiliating and so, so pathetic. His bladder just kept contracting inside him, it honestly just sort of hurt… 

“I— I know you couldn’t,” River tried to soothe. “It’s just an accident… You’re just really sick, that’s all…” 

The final few spurts finally trickled out and Duncan was shaking his head. “I—It’s not just because I’m sick.” 

“Sure it is,” River said. “Your body’s all worn out and stuff, so—“ 

“I— I always pee some when I sneeze,” Duncan admitted. “But, since I had to go real bad this time, there was… More.” 

River thought about that, and realized that every time he’d heard Duncan sneeze, it had been followed by him hastily running to the toilet. So, he leaked whenever he sneezed? Even if he didn’t need to pee very much? “I—I guess that’s how it is for some people, then,” he said finally. “Don’t be embarra—“ 

“It wasn’t always— I didn’t used to—“ Duncan sighed. “You remember when I had those weights thrown into my stomach?” 

Of course River remembered. It had been terrifying to see. He nodded. 

“Well… After that, some stuff’s been acting weird,” Duncan explained. “You know how I eat slower than y— Well, I guess everyone eats slower than you… But, if I eat too fast, I throw up.” 

River recalled Duncan scarfing down their first meal after their escape, and then suddenly looking worried and running to the bathroom… He hadn’t known all of his food was coming back up. “Oh.” 

“And, also ever since then, sneezing has made me pee. I think the weights did something to my insides.” 

River wished Duncan could see a doctor… Hugo had had enough first-aid training to tend to all the wounds they’d had, but no way could Hugo fix something that was internal. What if there was some super serious damage to Duncan’s body, and they didn’t know because they couldn’t see it?

“W—Well, it’s okay,” River said, knowing it really wasn’t. This sounded like it would be a permanent thing Duncan would have to live with now; A life-long injury which he’d done nothing to deserve. “Accidents happen… I mean, you’ve seen me have one.” 

Duncan nodded. River had utterly drenched his pants out of fear when they’d been with the Organization. Duncan frowned, realizing that both of their accidents had ultimately been because of the same people. “We need to clean up…” he said finally. 

River really didn’t feel like mopping the floor. He was so, so dizzy… He knew they had to, though. Duncan had made an awfully large puddle. “I—I’ll go get—“ 

They both froze at the sound of the door unlocking. They always got scared by that sound, even though it was always only Hugo coming home. River tensed up and pressed himself against Duncan, not caring that his boyfriend was soaked. 

“I’m home,” Hugo called. “Feeling any bett—“ He stopped as he entered the hall, immediately spotting the puddle. “O—Oh…” he said. 

Duncan pressed his face into River’s shoulder, too ashamed to look at Hugo. “I— I sneezed really hard when I had to— I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“ 

“It’s fine,” Hugo interrupted. “You’re sick. It happens. I’ll get it cleaned up, just change and go back to sleep.” 

Duncan shuffled away, shielding his face with his arm. 

River wanted to go after him, but his own bladder still needed attention. He thought about trying to wet his pants to make Duncan feel better, except then he’d make a bigger mess for Hugo to clean up. He went to the bathroom instead, pulled down his pants and sat on the toilet. 

It was odd, not only had phalloplasty granted him the ability to pee while standing, but it had also made it so that he could finally SIT to go without any issues. He didn’t have to hover and bend around until he was at the right angle, he could just sit and relax and be done with it. His bladder would empty, and nothing would spray out between the seat and the rim. His knees would stay dry. The floor would stay dry. Every time he woke up to pee in the middle of the night, he’d be so thankful that he could just groggily sit there without having to think about it anymore. 

He shouldn’t have ever had to do the stupid hovering thing. If those doctors around for his birth had just left his body ALONE instead of trying to modify it to look more ‘normal’, River wouldn’t have had so much trouble peeing. He wouldn’t have had so much trouble with a LOT of things. 

He finished going and pulled up his pants. He rinsed off his hands and wobbled tiredly back to his room. Duncan was in bed, wearing fresh pajamas and staring at the ceiling. River laid down beside him. “It’s okay…” he told him once more. 

“I peed… I wet myself…” Duncan said. 

“I know… But, it’s over now,” River told him. “I don’t think any less of you. Hugo doesn’t, either. You’re okay.” 

Duncan turned and rested against River. “I hate being sick…” 

“I know, me too.”

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“Let’s try something smaller today,” Hugo suggested. “Something relaxing that will get you out of the house for a bit.” 

River couldn’t think of anything that would be relaxing outside of the cabin. He shook his head. 

“Let’s all go for a short walk,” Hugo said. “Just around this area. It’s very, very secluded. No one will even be there.” 

River worried at his lip. No one being there made it scarier. “Yeah, so if somebody shows up all of the sudden, nobody will be around to call the police.” 

“I’ll be there,” Hugo pointed out. 

“If someone from the Organization sees us, they’ll probably go after you, too,” River said. He sighed. “Just— Just forget about this, okay? Duncan and I are fine with being inside, where it’s safe.” 

“So, that’s your plan, then? Just stay here forever and give up?” Hugo asked. This wasn’t the River he remembered from before. He supposed it made sense that his experience had changed him so much, but River had never been one to back down from a fight and just let whoever wanted him hurt win. 

From the look on River’s face, he seemed to be remembering his former self a little bit as well. “B—Before, I came across some bad guys, yeah. There were gang-members and addicts and just generally angry people who wanted to pick fights with me— But, none of them could do what the Organization can. I COULD fight back against them, some rich, shadowy cult thing that tortures people for money and gets away with it is a lot stronger than I am.” 

“You beat them once, though,” Hugo reasoned. “You got away. You survived— That means you should try to live.” 

“I didn’t really beat them,” River said. “I just managed to get out alive. They’re still out there, and nothing I did really damaged them. I wasn’t able to kill their president, and he TOLD me that they were just gonna set everything back up again somewhere else— That they’ve done that for decades. And I AM living, just, I’m living in here now.” 

Hugo frowned. In the old days, River would never say no to a challenge; he’d always get excited. So maybe if he framed THIS like a challenge… “River… Where did my fighter go? Let’s show them how tough you are!” 

“H—He’s… He’s still here,” River said, shame welling in his chest. He HAD gotten weaker. He KNEW he’d gotten weaker. He looked away, going silent. 

Hugo’s heart clenched. This wasn’t River getting excited at the prospect of a challenge. These WEREN’T the old days, and this wasn’t the old River. The old River needed opportunities to show how strong he was and to take charge. This new River needed… Something different, Hugo just didn’t know what. Maybe if he figured out what New-River needed, he’d start seeing more shades of Old-River again… 

“I’m sorry,” Hugo began. “I think I said the wrong thing. I’m trying to help you, because I want you to be happy again.” 

“I am happy,” River said. “Mostly. I mean, there’s stuff that I miss, but I can live without them.” 

“I think a little walk would help you feel better,” Hugo said. “Go talk to Duncan, see what he thinks of it.” 

And, it was because of Duncan that River agreed to go, because Duncan said that the walk would be scary, but he thought he really needed some fresh air. “We’ve gone outside in the woods before,” he said. 

“For, like, a minute,” River said. “And we were just right in front of the cabin…” 

“I think…” Duncan said. “I think Hugo is right and that these woods are safe. I figured that out when I saw how many confusing turns you have to make to get here, remember?” 

River tried to remember the route to the cabin, and he couldn’t. “Er… I mean, I was sort of thinking about something else when Hugo was driving us home that day…” 

“Oh, right,” Duncan said. “Well, it’s this super complicated path. I don’t think anyone would know there’s even a cabin down here. So, we’re hard to find, and if we stay in this area, we’ll be safe.” 

After that, River felt better about going for a hike, but worried that they may end up getting lost in the woods. Still, Duncan wanted to go, and the thought of being all alone in the cabin was too scary to consider. 

They set off early the next morning. The sun had risen, so the woods weren’t terrifying and shrouded in darkness, but some of the shadows cast by the trees made both River and Duncan jump a few times anyway. When the leaves rustled in the breeze, River would whip his head back and forth, certain that it was the sound of someone sinister following them. 

“It’s okay,” Hugo assured him repeatedly. “Out here, you need to be more scared of bears than of people.” 

River hoped they didn’t run into any bears… 

After twenty minutes of walking, River had gotten used to the sounds of the forest and no longer felt AS frightened. He walked beside Duncan, occasionally grasping his hand and squeezing it. He felt somewhat safer and had an easier time breathing. 

But, then River had a different problem. 

River had used the toilet after waking up, like he always did. But, he REALLY should have used it again right before they’d left. He just hadn’t been thinking about it, and nobody had reminded him, either. Everyone had forgotten, too focused on the day’s activity. 

River had pissed outside tons of times, and it ought to have been easier for him to do it now than ever before. As soon as he realized the pressure in his bladder was too much to ignore, he stopped in his tracks, hands anxiously moving to his fly. 

But, he didn’t zip it down. 

People— all animals— were very vulnerable when they were urinating. Peeing out here would mean going deeper behind some bushes, where a person from the Organization, or maybe just a wild beast, could be hiding. He’d have his back turned the whole time, he’d be concentrating on emptying his bladder. He’d be in danger. Peeing while this deep in the woods wasn’t safe. 

He’d hold it. 

Hugo noticed River dithering. “You alright?” He asked. River hadn’t gone on a long walk in quite some time, it made sense that he’d get worn out early on. 

River considered lying and pretending that he was fine. But, claiming that he DIDN’T need to pee when he knew his bladder was small and filled up quickly wouldn’t be a good idea. “I have to take a piss,” he said. 

“Okay, we’ll wait for you,” Hugo said. 

River shook his head. It may have been perfectly easy to announce his need to empty his bladder, but it was a lot harder to explain that he was too frightened to do it out here. Hugo was used to River needing to pee. Needing to pee was perfectly natural and normal. It was expected. River was SUPPOSED to need to pee. 

River wasn’t supposed to be afraid of everything, though. River had become the ‘tough guy’ in the year’s after his parents threw him out. He hadn’t been fearless, since nobody was, but he’d been the type of person that could fight THROUGH their fear if they needed to. The Organization and his paranoia about it had changed him, made him frightened of things that never would have seemed threatening before. 

Hugo had made it clear he wanted the OLD River back. River wanted that person back as well— The person he was SUPPOSED to be, the person he’d fought SO hard to become. 

The OLD River wouldn’t be scared of peeing in the woods. 

He turned to the bush directly beside him, shuddering and twitching. The new River WAS scared of peeing in the woods. He was terrified of it. He reached for his zip again, and heard Hugo and Duncan walking farther down the path. Doubtless, the two thought they were giving him privacy. Doubtless, the two thought that River WANTED privacy. 

He didn’t, though. If he had to pee out here, he’d feel a whole lot better if at least one of them kept their eyes on him the entire time. 

It couldn’t be helped, though. He didn’t want to ask either one of them to watch him piss. That was a ridiculous request that no one would ever understand. Even if River embarrassed himself by admitting to his terror, Hugo at least would think it was silly for sure; Just one more sign that River had changed.

He yanked down his zipper and freed himself. Once he’d gotten rid of all his pee, he could run to catch up to them and feel safe again. He could see they’d paused halfway around the next corner. They could still KIND of see him if something went wrong… 

He aimed between his feet and told his bladder to relax. 

But, it didn’t. He had the same awful feelings he’d had in the bathroom at the mall the other week. His chest clenched and tightened with icy tendrils of fear, the silence around him grew heavy as his ears rang, and he couldn’t get out even a drop. He stood there about a minute longer, rubbing over his bladder and trying to convince it to empty, but it refused. Before long, the feeling of his hand over his middle became painful and he had to stop. He wasn’t getting anywhere. 

If only someone was THERE right beside him, staring intently as he made himself vulnerable, vowing to protect him should anything go awry. He was fine peeing by himself at home, because home was safe. But, trying it anywhere else…. 

He couldn’t go if nobody was looking. 

He zipped his pants, bladder still unrelieved, and ran along the trail. His abdomen pounded every time his foot hit the ground, but he wanted to feel safe a lot more than he wanted to feel less desperate. He caught up, and Duncan was the first to ask if he was feeling better. 

River, again, thought better of lying. It was only a matter of time before he started doing a bit of a pee-dance, so it was for the best that Duncan DIDN’T believe that he’d just gone. “Nope, I still gotta piss. I wasn’t able to go just now.” 

Hugo knit his brow with worry. He’d hoped that the incident at the mall had been a one-time thing… He couldn’t understand why River had suddenly become so pee-shy. Even so, he’d thought it wouldn’t be a problem just around him and Duncan— And that if it was, he’d been certain he and Duncan had moved far enough away from him! 

But, maybe River wasn’t having trouble because he was pee-shy, it could have been something else. “Do you have this problem often?” Was there maybe some kind of complication with his phalloplasty? It had been a while since the operation, so if something was wrong they should have known by now, right? 

River shook his head. “Nuh-uh, this is only the second time. The other time was at the mall.” 

“It’s never happened at home?” 

“Nope.” 

Okay, so River’s body was functioning as it should have been. He’d just spontaneously developed a shy bladder for whatever reason. The guy just needed a little extra privacy, there was no shame in that. If he had issues going without a locked door behind him, then he wasn’t alone in that. River would be able to go as soon as they got back to the cabin, and Hugo could talk with him a little more about it afterwards if he wanted to. Being pee-shy was going to make the return to society a little trickier for River, but Hugo was sure they’d think of a way to manage it so that River knew where he could go for a secluded pee. “River, is it an emergency?” Hugo asked now. “Or, do you want to keep walking for a little while?” 

River didn’t think it was an emergency, and he figured he had a little time before it turned into one. He filled up fast, but was sure he could handle it a little longer. “Yeah, we can keep going, but not for TOO much longer,” he said. “I think I can wait for about one more hour before it gets bad.” 

They returned to their walk. Hugo had brought along water bottles, but wasn’t sure if he should tell River to drink or not. It was hot, River hadn’t done any real exercise in forever, so he was sure to get sweaty. But, the guy had ALREADY told Hugo that his bladder was uncomfortable to carry, so he didn’t know if he should risk ADDING to his burden. 

Duncan asked for a drink a few minutes later, and Hugo watched River’s reaction carefully as he passed a bottle to Duncan. River’s eyes were fixated on the water as it sloshed slightly from the movement. A gentle splashing noise was heard when Duncan brought it to his lips, and Hugo saw River’s hips wriggle in response, his sweaty face scrunching up. 

River NEEDED to drink water, yet at the same time more fluid was the last thing one part of his body needed. “You doing okay, River?” Hugo asked. 

River flinched, noticing the sway in his hips that he’d been powerless to stop. He blushed and stared down at his feet. This extra, careful attention being paid to him just because he’d said he needed the bathroom… It made him feel really funny. “Um—“ 

“You have to tell me if it’s becoming an emergency,” Hugo said. “You say the word and we’ll go right back.” 

River shifted on his feet. The pressure in his bladder had gotten a lot worse, and he needed to keep his legs close together to keep it from throbbing too strongly. He was probably supposed to just feel really embarrassed, right? Having his bladder be the topic of discussion, having someone be so CONCERNED about how urgent his need was… There was embarrassment, but there was a lot of something ELSE, too. 

In the past, before the Organization, it was common for Hugo to notice River fidgeting in the car and ask “You gotta take a leak? Want me to pull over?” But, that would be all. River would say yes, Hugo would search for a public restroom, and that would be that. And, even if it took a while to find a toilet, Hugo wouldn’t do much ‘checking in’ with River to make sure his bladder wasn’t hurting him. Now, Hugo was being so attentive and careful about it… 

“I— I can keep going for a little bit more,” River assured. “We should turn back around soon, but I can— I’m holding it.” 

They went further down the trail, Duncan returning to his spot beside River and grabbing his hand. “I’m sorry you couldn’t go,” he whispered. “You’re okay, right?” 

River felt like he was melting. The heat of the embarrassment had all but vanished, leaving only the pleasant warmth that came from another person being so focused on him. “Y—Yeah,” he said. 

“I kinda have to pee, too,” Duncan informed. “But, I’m gonna hold it until after you’ve gone. Would that help you feel better about it?” 

God… River didn’t deserve someone so nice. “Y—You don’t have to—“ 

“It’s okay,” Duncan said. “I figured you’d want somebody else in the same boat with you.” 

River went quiet. He’d been desperate a ridiculous number of times in his life, it was what happened when a person had a bladder the size of a humming-bird’s. But, never before had anyone actually WORRIED so much about him because of it. Growing up, if he ever had an emergency while his parents were driving him somewhere, they’d just tell him to hold it. If he ever protested that he COULDN’T hold it, they’d yell at him to be quiet. So, with them, whenever he got desperate, he’d just dance around in silent agony while they completely ignored his blatant distress. Never once had they asked him if he was okay, or helped him find a toilet when he badly needed one. One word about having to go, and they’d bark at him that he wasn’t a baby anymore and that he could hold it until it was more convenient for them. 

River squeezed onto Duncan’s hand, “I—If you want to do that for me, go ahead I guess.” 

Ten minutes later, the pressure in River’s abdomen had grown to a constant, numb tingle. These were the warning pulses, telling him that he should DEFINITELY be on his way to the toilet soon. “Er,” he spoke up. “I think I need to go back now…” He bounced on his toes, trying to emphasize his point. 

“No problem,” Hugo said, and River felt warm all over again. No “Just hold it, will you?” No “I want to keep walking, you need to learn to wait.” Nothing like what his parents would say, just a swift promise that River would be taken to the toilet and that everything was okay. 

They turned around and headed back in the other direction. River’s bladder felt light and happy with the knowledge it would be getting drained soon. Some time later, it was cramping and surging and tangling in angry knots of need because Hugo had made a wrong turn while leading them back to the cabin. 

They stopped for a second as Hugo tried to get a handle on where they were. River swayed from foot to foot, he couldn’t lean to one side for very long without his pee rippling and squeezing itself against his bladder’s exit. He was sucking in heavy, sharp breaths, and his face was far sweatier than it had been earlier. 

He’d been right before; He’d had one hour to get to the toilet before his need turned into an emergency. Now that they were accidentally taking the long way home, it had been WELL over an hour, and River felt like his bladder was going to pop like an overinflated balloon. The hand not wrapped around Duncan’s kept going down towards his crotch, where it would flutter uselessly until he’d managed to resist the urge to grab himself. 

Duncan rubbed a soothing circle against River’s palm. “Do you want to try to go again?” 

River definitely did. Piss was searing inside of him, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually boiling considering how angry his bladder felt. He was surrounded by trees! He should have already watered half of them by now! “H—How much further to the cabin?” River asked. 

“I’ve figured out where we are,” Hugo said. “I recognize what kind of trees these all are, I know what part of the forest we’re in.” 

“Are we close?” 

“Yeah, we just need to go this way for a little bit,” Hugo said, walking off. 

River followed, tensing his thighs more and more with each step. “H—How long’s ‘a little bit’?” 

“I’m not sure…” 

“H—Hugo!” River gritted. “C—Can’t you give, like, an estimate?” If he knew he’d be at the toilet in twenty minutes, he’d know he’d be able to wait… Any longer, and he wasn’t nearly as sure. 

“I can’t,” Hugo said. “Are you alri—“ 

“I need to go piss really, really bad,” River interrupted. “I—“ he ran his free hand through his hair. “Fuck, I’m starting to burst.” 

Duncan gave River another gentle squeeze. “Um… If you need to hold onto yourself, that’s okay even though we’re outside. It’s still only us.” 

River’s hand instantly made contact with his groin and he shuddered at the little bit of relief that gave him. “I— Shit, I gotta GO… I wanna try again, okay? Please, I— I know this is weird, but I need you to—“ 

“We’ll give you privacy,” Hugo interrupted. “Come on, Duncan…” 

Before River could figure out how to protest, how to explain that he actually needed the exact OPPOSITE, Hugo and Duncan had walked ahead of him, and this time they’d gone so far he could only just barely see them. River flinched, already feeling his muscles tightening. 

But, he just had to go SO badly now, it HAD to work this time! He yanked down his zipper and aimed, trying to pretend Duncan was next to him, watching him carefully and surveying his surroundings. He tried to imagine Duncan’s voice, tried so hard to make himself actually hear it. What would Duncan say if he was there? “Nothing’s happening around here, River…” Yes, that would make him feel safer… “Now, just let it all go…” More at ease… “I mean, I love getting to stare at your dick right now, but we DO need to head home soon…” And THAT part sounded more like Duncan. 

But, his fantasy wasn’t good enough, and River couldn’t relax enough to get even a dribble out. After minutes of frustration and fullness, he just shoved his cock back into his pants, then whimpered at the finality of zipping them closed again. He had to get home, then he could go. 

He stumbled as fast as he could towards Hugo and Duncan. Neither of them needed to be told that his piss-stop had been unsuccessful, because by the time he’d reached them, a hand was buried between his straining thighs. 

“I’m so sorry,” Hugo said. “I didn’t mean to get us lost, tr—try to hang on, okay?” 

River’s teeth gnashed at his lip. “I d—don’t have much of a fucking choice, do I?” 

Duncan rubbed River’s shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’ll be home before you know it… Do you know why you can’t go?” 

‘Because I can’t go with no one watching,’ River thought wryly. He couldn’t repeat those words to Duncan, though. This problem of his was so ridiculous. He’d heard PLENTY of people had trouble going if someone WAS watching, but not once had he ever heard of the reverse. “I just don’t like being alone in the woods, trying to piss,” he said, the closest thing to the truth that he could manage. 

Hugo nodded. “That’s okay,” he said. “I’ll have you home soon, and you’ll have lots of privacy there. It will be alright.” 

River nodded too. He didn’t care about the privacy, but the safe cabin would be sure to give him the relief he craved. 

They walked on and on, River caught in a world of ever-increasing desperation. Since he’d gotten phalloplasty, he’d noticed that the urge to pee felt very slightly different sometimes. There were occasions where, when he really, REALLY had to go, he’d almost feel like it was inside of his shaft already, partway to freedom. It was an odd feeling, heat and pressure building down his length. He felt it now, and a second later he’d leaked, and then the tension was building again. 

Whimpering, River slipped a hand between his legs to squeeze away at himself. He pinched the head of his dick, as though he could coax the the piss back up and into his bladder. Even with his hand gripping so firmly, he felt a heavy shock of a spasm flare through his bladder and spread out through the rest of his abdomen. He was dribbling out a small handful of tiny drops. His entire body clenched, from the soles of his feet all the way up through his spine, as if tensing EVERYTHING would cause him to be able to hold it. 

It didn’t work. Another immense surge hit him, frantic and sharp. He was never going to make it to the cabin at this rate! His hand worked its way even deeper between his legs, and immediately another rippling shot of pain burst through him. “Ahhhnnnn—!!” He gasped out in a pained, strangled yelp.

This was really going to happen to him, his urine was all right at the edge, right at the tip of his cock, just about to burst out and there was nothing he could do about it. He held his breath and squeezed Duncan’s hand as hard as he could, struggling to keep walking and keep up with him. 

Pssssh!

A pained leak warmed the crotch of his boxers, it only lasted for a second, but had been so forceful that he could feel how damp his pants were getting beneath his hand. Shit, shit, fucking— His boxers were sodden and sticking to his thighs. He didn’t dare look down at himself. But…that loss of control, as short as it had been, seemed to lift some of his need. And as horrifying as it was to have peed some in his pants, he was suddenly able to walk a little easier. 

His bladder cramped up again, forcing down another choppy stream into his boxers. He felt a dull point of relief, it felt— It felt almost good to let that little bit out… So, he made a risky choice– He was going to deliberately let go of some more. Just a little bit of the burden. Just enough to take the awful edge off of his desperation. 

He needed to go SO much that, as soon as he’d made the decision, he felt more liquid flowing out into his boxers. He let it continue, savoring how good it felt to relax his holding muscles. He peed and peed for five, ten seconds – the saturated spot on the front of his pants spread, and he only made himself stop when he felt it gush into the palm of the hand he had welded there. 

He immediately felt WAY better. But then his urine started to cool off, and his crotch felt sticky and clammy. And then Duncan spoke, “I—It’s okay if you can’t make it…” he said. “I um…” 

River tensed, and glanced down at himself. There was wetness streaking down his legs, and when he dared to move his hand away from his crotch— God dammit, he was a LOT wetter than he’d thought he was. The material encasing his dick now housed a large, dark wet spot. “A— A little came out…” he admitted to Duncan, but he did NOT admit that some of it had been intentional. 

“I… Could hear…” Duncan mumbled. 

River hadn’t even thought about the noise his leaks must have been making… 

“But, it’s fine, I promise— It’s totally fine if you— If you can’t—“ 

“I can hold it,” River said, trying to sound confident. What he’d just released should have been enough to buy him some time, right? 

Five minutes later, and River felt like he hadn’t gone at all. He was starting to seriously consider just allowing himself to have a total accident as he carried on walking. His bladder was getting PAINFUL to cart around, and Duncan had SAID it was okay to wet his pants, and he… Dear GOD, River just wanted to go… 

Hugo was a few paces ahead of them, and he knew the cabin was close, just about ten minutes left and River would be free to relieve himself, he’d have all the privacy in the world and he’d feel fine… “T—Ten more minutes,” he announced. “River, is that okay?” 

Ten minutes sounded more like ten hours to River’s bladder, but he forced a nod. “Y—Yeah, I’ll make it…” 

A minute later, and he was leaking again. Audibly. Both Duncan and Hugo could hear the little spurts being ejected into River’s boxers. 

Hugo didn’t know what he’d do if River had an accident. He considered telling River to try going again, but that would waste valuable time River didn’t have anymore. He pushed through some bushes and was now in a clearing— Not the one that housed their cabin, but a different one. This one was vacant, if anything had ever been here, it was gone now. Just a grassy area with nothing in it except for— 

There was an old wooden outhouse. 

Hugo had thought there might be something like that out in these woods, since they’d been part of a vast expanse of farmland ages and ages ago. He was sure the outhouse hadn’t been properly cleaned in a while, but as he drew closer no foul smells emanated from it, so it was probably MOSTLY okay. “H—Here, River!” He said, not believing their luck. “Th—This has a door for you, you can go!” 

River was confused why Hugo thought he would care about a DOOR at this point. Really, the outhouse was just taunting him the same way the trees had been. One more spot he SHOULD be able to go, but wouldn’t be able to. 

“Hurry,” Hugo encouraged. “Duncan and I will wait on the other side of this clearing, and—“ 

“Pl—Please…” River interrupted. “Don’t.” 

Hugo blinked at him. “Don’t what?” He was worried River had already begun to soak himself, but he didn’t hear the torrential hiss that would surely cause. 

“Y—You and Duncan… Please stay RIGHT by the door, please?” 

“But…” Hugo furrowed his brow. “I thought… I thought you were getting pee-shy…” 

“M—More like the opposite, I just— Ugh, I can’t explain it right now, just— PROMISE you’ll both stay by the door while I’m going!”

“I’ll stay by the door,” Duncan assured. He didn’t understand what River needed, but he was still going to give it to him. “Hugo too, okay? We’ll be RIGHT there.” 

“Thank you!” River cried, he hurried towards the outhouse, awkwardly doubled over as his legs quivered. His steps were so tiny, but taking larger ones would result in him getting drenched. He grabbed the door and yanked it open, hobbling inside. The outhouse was home to a large hole cut out of a bit of wood, and a circular plastic urinal that nearly made River explode when he laid eyes on it. “Shitshitshitshit…” he hissed out. 

He released his grip on his cock to tug his zipper down, leaking the second he’d let go. The fabric around his zip was so sodden that it was hard to move, but he managed to get it down and part the flaps of his pants open. 

He aimed into the small plastic urinal, piss flying from his tip before he’d gotten it pointed properly. His legs parted and shook as he moaned, all the pain within him slowly ebbing away. “Fuuuck…” he sighed, tipping his head back and blinking away tears as he pissed for all he was worth. His stream was gushing out so quickly that the urinal was struggling to drain all of it, he could see the fluid swishing and bubbling as more and more pounded out uncontrollably. “Fuck… Fuck… Ohhhh, GODDDD…” At last, his middle stopped aching and all that remained was the pleasure of release. Once he’d gotten it all out, he shoved his cock back into his pants and hastily zipped them. He heard the urinal sort of… gurgling as it tried to drain away everything he’d just flooded it with. 

Outside, Hugo and Duncan could hear everything, every patter, every hiss, every last bit of River’s heavy and oddly vocal release. Duncan was blushing all the way down to his shoulders. He was still eagerly anticipating his and River’s first time, and hoped to Hell he could manage to make his boyfriend moan at least HALF as much as his bladder could. 

Duncan also hadn’t been lying earlier when he’d said he needed the bathroom too. Listening to River let out a symphony of watery gushes wasn’t helping his own bladder at all. He started to rock from side to side as he waited for River to finish. 

Hugo was blushing as well, not to the same extent Duncan was, and for vastly different reasons. His chest was tightening in sympathy, he didn’t know if he’d ever heard River go so much all at once… The poor thing had a small bladder that didn’t like to hold such a massive quantity, that must have been really hurting him. He was still perplexed by River’s request that they stand here. He’d been certain River was just getting pee shy, but now he knew that couldn’t have been the problem. He’d been focused on getting River privacy because that’s what he’d THOUGHT he needed, and now it was clear River had needed something else entirely. 

Hugo was so bad at this… 

River shoved open the door of the outhouse and almost hit Hugo with it. “Ahhhh!” He groaned loudly. “THAT feels SO much fucking better!” 

Hugo flinched when he saw the door flying his way. “Careful.” 

“Oh, sorry,” River said. “I didn’t smack you, did I?” 

“No,” Hugo assured. “I guess you’re okay now?” 

“Yesss, I feel amazing,” River said. 

“Um, my turn?” Duncan asked, jiggling a little. “An’… I think I want you guys to stand by the door for me too, okay?” 

“Y—Yeah, of course,” River got out of his way. 

Duncan hurried in and shut the door behind himself. It… Was kind of eerie now to make himself vulnerable while he pissed outside of his home. River and Hugo were both right outside the door, and that made him feel better, but he still wanted to keep an eye on it. 

He pulled down his pants and sat over the hole in the wood plank. He felt more than a little grossed out sitting down in an outhouse even though he’d HAD the option to stand, but his spine would go all chilly and rigid if he faced his back to the door. 

At least the wooden outhouse wasn’t anywhere near as disgusting as plastic portaloos he’d had to use in the past had been. The wood beneath him was VERY uncomfortable, though. He relaxed and his waterfall was gushing instantly. He sighed happily to himself, blushing at the sound of his pee splashing into the dirt underneath the outhouse. 

Duncan hadn’t thought his own urge was that severe, but was surprised by how pleasant the looseness in his belly felt now. Poor River must have been exploding, for sure… 

He stood and pulled his pants back up, opening the door and immediately grabbing River’s hand in his own. 

Hugo led them back to the cabin, which only took about ten more minutes— But those ten minutes would have surely been too long for River. Hugo was still perplexed by River’s new urinary trouble. He couldn’t make sense of someone not being able to pee because there was too MUCH privacy rather than too little. But, apparently that WAS River’s problem, and it was one he hadn’t had back before… Everything. 

It was a strange problem, and it was a strange solution, but Hugo’s job was to take care of River. If that meant remaining in the audience whenever River had to urinate outside, then that was just how it was going to be.

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Hugo had decided to take River and Duncan grocery shopping, and then maybe to the hardware store afterwards if they were up to it. He thought that this would be a good ‘second try’ for them. The mall had been too much. It had been a big place, pretty far from the cabin. But, these stores were both smaller, close by, would still have lots of people, and there were security cameras. If someone tried to lead River or Duncan somewhere that they didn’t want to go, another person would surely notice, and the cameras would record the whole thing, too. 

River agreed to go. He wanted to visit the hardware store— The hardware store was related to his job. To making himself useful. To doing the things he was SUPPOSED to be doing. He didn’t voice his reasoning aloud to Hugo, though. He knew that Hugo would try to convince him that he WAS still useful, and that he didn’t need to be in their workroom all the time to BE useful. That when he WAS able to help out, that was enough.

If Hugo said those things, River would believe he meant them. But, River wouldn’t believe for a second that they were actually TRUE. River DID still come into the workroom and assist Hugo with projects, he kept track of the requests from their customers, he painted things after they’d been assembled. 

But, River wasn’t as useful as he once was. Because, NOW, sometimes Hugo would turn on a power-tool, and it would make all this noise, and suddenly River would feel very, very scared, and like he was trapped inside the workroom without any way out, and he’d start to… Breathe wrong, like he was choking even though nothing was caught in his throat. The room would blur, and River would only feel like he was partly in the present, one foot in the workroom with Hugo, the other back in the torture chamber the Organization had put him in. 

And then, Hugo would have to waste so much time holding River, rubbing his back, telling him to stay calm… Time that they both should have spent working. Time that River should have spent being useful, instead of being a burden. 

River was supposed to be able to take care of himself. 

He’d done it for years… 

If he went to the store with Hugo, if he helped him pick out supplies, he would be a little useful again. 

Duncan took some more convincing. To Hugo’s surprise, he was mostly just freaked out because of what had happened to River during the mall trip. He didn’t want to see River in pain again. “I’ll go pee before we leave,” River said. “I’ve never gone out without peeing first, ask Hugo.” 

Hugo shrugged, then nodded. He didn’t think River had ever forgotten to take a toilet break before they went out on deliveries in the old days… It just hadn’t ever made that big of a difference since River had to go so frequently. 

“Besides,” River added. “Now that I think I know why I couldn’t pee at the mall, I know I’ll be fine so long as the restroom isn’t empty.” 

“O—Okay,” Duncan said. “We can go…” 

Before they headed out the next day, Duncan kept reminding River to go the whole time they were getting dressed. After the third reminder, River snorted. “Duncan, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m not gonna forget— I didn’t even forget the day we went to the mall, I’ve just got a small bladder.” He took off his pajama shirt, then put his arms over his chest to cover it. 

“That makes me more nervou—“ Duncan stopped. “Why are you covering up, silly? You wanna tease me?” 

River blushed. “N—No…” he said. “I— We don’t normally get dressed together, and—“ 

Duncan took off his own shirt and tossed it aside. He stood beside River, hands on his hips. “Is it a little too exciting?” 

River looked away, face going even redder. Duncan’s chest was so… River hadn’t known his stomach muscles were so pronounced. He remembered Duncan mentioned he’d liked to dance back during his old life, so that must have been how he got so toned… But, beyond that, Duncan’s chest was so… smooth. Unblemished. Unmarred. 

“I…” River struggled. “My chest is all…” he lowered his arms. “This…” 

Duncan looked. River was lithe, his nipples were pink and Duncan suddenly found himself thinking how good it would feel to give them a lick. But, Duncan knew what River was focused on— The biggest difference between his own chest and Duncan’s wasn’t that Duncan was more muscular. 

Duncan had felt the roughness of those scars a few times when he’d reached a hand up River’s shirt to touch him. The first time he’d felt them, he’d been confused for half a second before remembering what they were. It had never bothered Duncan at all that River had those scars, because Duncan knew that they’d come from something that had made River happy. The same went for the one now visible on River’s bare arm. 

River had other scars that DID make Duncan sad. Little jagged ones from the Organization, or from fights River had gotten into. Those only upset Duncan because they’d come from things that had harmed River. 

But, Duncan didn’t think ANYTHING was wrong with the scars below River’s nipples, or the one that went down his arm. “I know,” Duncan said. “It’s not exactly the same as mine. But, that’s not a bad thing.” 

“You don’t think they look gross?” River asked. 

“No,” Duncan shook his head.

“Not even…” River raised his arm. The scar there was more pronounced than the ones on his chest were, redder in places… 

“No,” Duncan repeated. “Those are just parts of my boyfriend’s body, and I LIKE his body…” He hoped that was the right thing to say. As far as Duncan was concerned, River was just the really, really hot guy that he was lucky enough to call his partner. But, several nights, River had mentioned other people calling him hot before though, and how those people hadn’t truly meant it. “They were just fascinated by WHAT I was, that’s as deep as it ever went with any of them.” 

Duncan didn’t think he was the same way. River being intersex and having had surgeries was something that interested Duncan a little, since he’d just never met anybody like that before, but he didn’t think that was the same thing. He HOPED not, anyway. He thought River’s chest was really sexy, scars and all, but that was because it was part of River. He hoped River could see that. 

And, Duncan had had body issues of his own in the past— who hadn’t?— He’d had the most terrible acne when he was a teenager, he’d always thought his nose looked a little crooked…

But, he supposed, those things couldn’t really compare to the complex relationship River had had with his body. Anything Duncan had to offer about it probably wouldn’t be what River needed. 

River smiled at him, so Duncan decided he must have said something right. 

“M—Maybe… Maybe I’ll take my shirt off for you more…” 

Duncan bit his lip to keep from grinning. Now he had something to look forward to. 

They took off their pants, and Duncan caught River looking at his butt, clad only in his boxers. Duncan wriggled slightly. “Heh, see something you like?” 

River somehow managed to go redder, and his smile grew. This was the Duncan he’d FIRST met, before they’d made the discovery that the Organization was planning to kill them, when they’d been just two relaxed guys getting to know each other. The playful, flirty side of him… “Eheh, yeah…” he said. 

“I know I see something I like…” Duncan added. “Think those boxers are too tight, or are you just happy to see me?” 

“Pfft, that’s the worst line…” River laughed. “You… You really think I look… ‘big’?” 

“You do,” Duncan said. “I mean, if I was getting a new dick, I would have asked for, like, three feet. So, I commend you on your restraint, but what you have is great.” 

“Haha, well… My forearm’s not three feet long, so that would have been tricky anyways…” 

They finished dressing, and River gave Duncan a hug. “Thanks…” he said. “I think we can get dressed in front of each other more often now. I’ve been wanting to, but I’ve been all nervous, and—“ 

“Don’t be nervous,” Duncan said. “I will never, EVER object to seeing you get naked.” He paused. “Oh, and use the bathroom before we leave, okay? Don’t forget!”

River laughed again. “Duncan, trust me, I drank a whole bottle of water earlier, my bladder’s not gonna let me forget…” 

Duncan had thought River had been a little fidgety the last few minutes… But, he also hadn’t thought the water bottle River had emptied had been that big. His bladder really WAS pretty small, and Duncan hoped that he’d be able to handle the trip without another emergency. 

The two left their room, and River immediately headed to the toilet. His steps were quick, and he seemed to be trying not to bend his knees too much. Duncan heard him unzipping his pants before he’d even gotten into the room. 

‘Wow,’ Duncan thought as he stood beside the front door to wait. ‘He went right after he got up, and didn’t even drink that much, and then he was already acting like he had to go super bad…’ He’d known for ages that River couldn’t hold his pee as long as HE could, and hadn’t ever given it TOO much thought. After seeing River’s agony during the mall trip though, Duncan was worried about going out where restrooms would be few and far between— Especially if there was a chance he’d get too scared again and wouldn’t be able to go! 

Duncan heard the toilet flush, and River came out looking more at ease. They waited together a few more minutes until Hugo came out of his own room and said it was time to go. 

*** 

Riding in a car still felt weird to River and Duncan. They were unused to being in moving vehicles again. Duncan wondered if this was what it felt like to a baby when they were in a car for the first time. As soon as they were out of the woods and hit the first speed-bump, Duncan flinched at the bounce and something else struck him. 

He’d spent so much time reminding River to use the bathroom before they left, but he HADN’T remembered to use it himself. 

Duncan hadn’t relieved himself since he’d woken up that morning. It had been several hours, and he’d had a bit more to drink than River… And now that he’d registered the pressure beneath his fly, he couldn’t get it to fade away from his mind again. The irritating, buzzing tingle scolding him for skipping his toilet break was loud and pronounced. 

How long would these errands take? Could he try to hold it until he got home, or would he have to pee somewhere while they were out? To his dismay, he found that the prospect of using the toilet before they returned to the cabin a little scary. It would be his first time visiting a public restroom since before the Organization… And those security cameras Hugo had said would keep him and River safe wouldn’t be in the bathrooms. They would be a good place to corner someone. 

That would ONLY be able to happen if Duncan was alone, though. If there were lots of others in the restroom, nothing bad would happen. It was just like River, Duncan didn’t think he could go in public if no one was watching. 

He shouldn’t be worrying about this anyway. This trip would be short, he’d be back at the cabin before he had an emergency. He’d just hold it in. 

They reached the grocery store, and Duncan started to feel anxious. There was a flurry of butterflies in his stomach, and they all seemed to be floating downwards, pressing their weight into his bladder. He knew the sudden spike in his need was just nervousness, but that didn’t make it feel any less real. 

He unlatched his seatbelt, and felt a little better now that it wasn’t adding to the pressure inside his body. Beside him, River undid his seatbelt as well, but then he just sat there, looking out the window. “R—Ready?” He asked Duncan. 

Duncan nodded, tried to say that he was. He felt the peculiar sensation of his jaw muscles tightening around one another again, and only managed to mumble it out. “Y—Yes…” 

River took his hand and squeezed it, then got out of the car. Duncan followed him. The pavement felt strange beneath his feet— His SHOES felt a little strange too, for that matter. At the cabin, he and River often just went barefoot, or only wore socks. Duncan had never noticed before that shoes were actually kind of heavy… 

They weren’t the only things weighing him down though. The nervous tingling buzzes in his midsection were not fading, they were just getting stronger, wrapping a rope around his still filling bladder and making him really sort of wish that he was at home right now, sitting on the toilet with his pants down around his ankles. 

Duncan… Duncan could hold it until that fantasy came true. He could keep it in. He had to go, it was urgent enough that he couldn’t ignore it, but he could and WOULD manage to wait this out. Hugo came around from the other side of the car to stand next to Duncan and River. “Really quick trip,” he promised them. “Nice and easy.” 

Duncan nibbled his lip and hoped Hugo was right, if only for the sake of his bladder. 

Inside the store, Duncan pressed himself to River’s side and clutched his hand. River rubbed his arm gently, but his hands trembled and his touch wasn’t nearly as soothing as he wanted it to be. Duncan felt so ridiculous, being scared in a grocery store of all places. How many horrible disasters had happened HERE, for God’s sake… 

He was also feeling a bit more uncomfortable. Since none of them knew how to cook, they’d gone right past several sections of the store, but the brief time they’d spent in produce had been long enough for Duncan’s ears to be subjected to the sound of the water misters going off and spritzing the vegetables. The hiss of liquid had been enough to prompt Duncan to rub his knees together and adjust his waistband— which had suddenly started feeling too tight. 

Duncan relaxed more when they got to the cereal aisle. No liquid there, no running water, nothing to make him think about how much he would have preferred to be in a bathroom. Hugo asked River and Duncan to agree on a cereal, and that sort of reminded Duncan of when he was little and he and his sister had argued over which flavor to get. 

Duncan was about to name his favorite, but then he heard a loud crashing sound in one of the other aisles. He got that pinching feeling inside his throat, the sensation of his words being forced back down before he’d been able to fully conjure them. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Something almost DID come out of another part of Duncan’s body though, his bladder squeezed in viciously at his fright, and he very nearly let a spurt go into his pants. 

River had flinched at the noise too, and his grip on Duncan had tightened. “I—It’s just… Something got dropped, th—that’s all…” River knew that it COULDN’T have been anything more than that, but was still relieved when a voice came over the loudspeakers announcing that a spill had to be cleaned. 

Duncan involuntarily shook a little at the wording. A ‘spill’… He might end up making one of tho— What?! No! No he wouldn’t! He only SORT OF had to go. He wasn’t going to have an accident… Even if getting startled like that had almost jarred something loose, he was STILL totally dry. He would STAY totally dry! 

“Let’s… Let’s pick a cereal, guys,” Hugo said. He’d been unable to miss their reactions to the crash. Something that would, at most, just make most people jump at the suddenness had made River and Duncan huddle together in fear… 

Duncan, again, was about to name his favorite, but he had trouble moving his mouth, so he just grabbed it and showed River. 

River looked at it, but shook his head. “I—I’m sure it’s really good, Duncan. But I’m super allergic to chocolate, so it’s gotta be something different.” 

Duncan put the box back. He’d have to remember that when it came time to get River a romantic gift… If he and River ever got to be a regular couple that could get little surprises like that for one another, anyway. Duncan picked a different box that was fruit flavored, and River agreed to that one. 

It hit River then; Duncan wasn’t speaking again. 

River took his hand once more, and whispered to him. “You feeling okay, Duncan?” 

Duncan nodded. 

Still no talking… River’s brow knit with concern. He tried to think of something other than a yes-or-no question. “I’m sure there’s stuff you like that Hugo’s never brought home. What’s something you want?” 

Hugo had never brought home any microwave popcorn, and Duncan had been missing it. He wanted some today, except nobody would KNOW that if he didn’t say something about it. “P…Pop…” he struggled. His throat felt so closed off, like something was caught in there. It was hard to breathe, let alone talk… “P—“ 

“Popcorn?” River asked. He wished he hadn’t cut Duncan off like that, he’d just been so relieved to hear him make SOUNDS at all that he’d gotten carried away. 

Duncan nodded again. Embarrassment was starting to join his anxiety. If someone saw him this way… Saw River having to coax words from him, having to guide him into such basic communication… They were going to think something was really WRONG with Duncan. A grown man should be able to say whatever was on his mind. 

It wasn’t even just fear that was making it hard to talk, it was turning into this actual, physical problem. His nerves got super high, and then everything that controlled his speech seemed to just… Break. It was scary. In the past, Duncan had been such a chatterbox! He’d been loud, talkative, open. He hadn’t been like this. He’d been nothing like this. 

River rubbed his thumb over Duncan’s hand, and Duncan started to melt. River didn’t think something was wrong with him. River loved him even if he couldn’t talk right now. As Duncan relaxed into River’s touch, an earlier discomfort came back to him. The water-level within his bladder had risen, more pee asking to be let out, and making demands which were far louder than any noise Duncan had made so far today. 

He definitely was going to need a toilet really soon, his urge for it kept getting worse, the liquid he’d had throughout the day seeming to catch up with him in fast-forward. Throughout the rest of the store, Duncan found himself needing to press his thighs together and squeeze River a bit too firmly to offset the pressure in his body. 

When they went down the soda aisle, Duncan fidgeted more strongly. The fluid may have all been staying stationary within the bottles, but the sight of it was still a LOT for his bladder to take in. His nose twitched and his lip trembled as his cruel mind kept wondering how the amount of liquid in his bladder compared to the amount in each of the soda bottles. Then, it reminded him of how useful an empty bottle could really be. And of the bottles of water he’d had earlier, of how they were now trying to cram themselves into an organ that didn’t have much vacant space left. 

When River picked up a few sodas and put them in the cart, Duncan flinched, unable to look away from how they sloshed, unable to ignore the sound they made. His knees turned inwards and he knelt down slightly, exhaling hard through his nose. 

River saw Duncan twitching, and returned to his side to grip his hand. “Right here, Duncan… I’m right here…” he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t like letting go of you.” 

Duncan clutched River’s hand with all his strength. What Duncan really wanted to squeeze onto was his crotch. Just for a few seconds while he calmed his bladder back down. But, he restrained himself. He didn’t want to think he was that desperate yet… He WASN’T that desperate yet. Just… Every step he took, he needed to clench up his thighs because he felt a leak coming on, and he was unable to stop thinking about how comfortable a toilet seat would feel right about now. 

But, he wasn’t at ALL desperate to go, because this wasn’t a good PLACE to be desperate to go. If he really WAS desperate here, he’d have to brave a public toilet, where the safe security cameras wouldn’t be, where ANYONE could be hiding out and where, if no one was around to notice, Duncan could be hurt. 

Therefor, Duncan could still hold it. 

Simple. 

When they arrived at checkout, it felt less simple. The bathrooms were right past all the cash registers. The men’s room looked EXTREMELY inviting, the door unobstructed, the sign promising relief. Duncan couldn’t look away from it, memories swirling of how EASY it had once been to use the restroom at a grocery store. It hadn’t been anything he’d needed to think about or get worked up over. He’d just notice the need to pee, and then go pee. Like a normal person. No fear, no anxiety, just the loss of an uncomfortable pressure so he could go on with the rest of his day. 

He couldn’t DO that now, though! There were so many places to HIDE in a public restroom. Any of the stalls could be a death trap. If… If Duncan saw a few people go in there in the next few minutes. A whole bunch of potential witnesses to any trouble, then he’d go. He kept his eyes fixated on the door, wishing people would go through it, guarantee to him that that room WASN’T empty and frightening. He crossed his legs and rubbed a foot against the opposite ankle. No one was entering the restroom. He seemed to be the only one in the store who needed to use it, but he was also the only one who was too SCARED to do so. 

River had picked up on Duncan’s antsy behavior. He’d been anxious through this whole trip as well, and was glad it was nearly over and nothing bad had happened. Duncan still looked so frightened though. River pulled him into a hug, whispering to him “We made it…” 

Duncan went tense in River’s arms, River had pressed them together way too close, his bladder was being smooshed right up against River’s body, waves of urgency flaring out from it, it soared through his abdomen and smashed back down through his length, heat firing up to his tip, scorching at his urethral opening, and then pooling warmly against the crotch of his boxers. “Mmmfff…” Duncan whimpered, hitching his hips and trying to stop the flow. ‘Please, River!’ He wanted to say. ‘Excuse me, I want the restroom!’ But, the only thing that would come out were more whimpering moans of distress as he finally pinched his stream back off. 

And all they did was CONFIRM to River that Duncan was simply just still anxious about being outside. “Ev—Everything went okay here,” River said. “We all stayed close together, we’re safe when we’re together…” 

Duncan nodded, an idea hitting him. ‘Yes!’ He thought. ‘Safe together! You and Hugo need to take me to the bathroom, please?’ But, he didn’t MANAGE anything beyond the nod! River and Hugo couldn’t take him to the restroom if neither of them realized he needed it! 

He could… He could tell them without words! He could jump all around, hold himself, cross his legs back and forth, do the most exaggerated pee dance ANYONE had ever done, and RIGHT away they’d think; ‘Oh, Duncan has to use the toilet really bad, we should take him there now.’ 

But… But that would be… Utterly humiliating. He’d been anxious about people noticing his difficulty talking! A guy, doing a babyish potty dance in public, while unable to vocalize even one word… That wasn’t who Duncan was! That wasn’t who Duncan ever wanted to be! No one was going to see him that way! 

He’d probably be able to talk again when they got back to the car. When it was just THEM again. He’d tell them THEN that he had to go as soon as they reached the hardware store, and say that Hugo needed to go WITH him otherwise he’d feel too scared. That too would be embarrassing, but it wasn’t ‘doing a really obvious, intense piss-dance in the middle of a grocery store’ levels of embarrassing. 

Duncan just hoped he could make it back to the car before he started dancing like that unintentionally. His bladder felt really swollen. He’d caught River admiring his stomach muscles earlier, and wondered how visible they even still were. His bladder was probably pulling all that skin really taut. He was sure his abdominal region was no less firm, but now that tension was from a straining ball of urine rather than muscle. 

Hugo finally paid for everything and led Duncan and River out of the store. Duncan bit back a moan when they walked past the restroom. Again, he tried to conjure up some words. ‘Wait, hold on! I need to go! Please come with me!’ But they failed to materialize, and then they were out the door, and his chance was gone. 

Through the parking lot, Duncan struggled. He kept fumbling over his own feet, needing to grip River tighter to avoid falling over. His breathing was coming out in choppy, pained gasps, like he was trying to bike through molasses instead of simply walk across a parking lot. Sweat rolled off his face in sheets, his body fighting to withstand the stretch inside of it. Ohhhh, why hadn’t he gone before they’d left!? He’d be FINE if he’d done that! He’d be anxious, but at least his bladder wouldn’t be trying to burn a hole through his middle. 

Hugo unlocked the car, and Duncan was the first inside of it. He slammed his door shut and stuffed both of his hands between his legs. “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go…” Duncan moaned, his voice returning in an instant to give life to the words he’d been trying to force out for so long. “Ohhhh, I gotta peeeeee….” 

He tore his hands away from his dick when the other door opened and River climbed in. Duncan wasn’t sure why he’d even let go, since his whole plan was to alert River and Hugo to his need… He’d just… He’d gotten so embarrassed! 

“River—“ Duncan panted. “River—“ 

River let out a pleased sigh at the sound of Duncan’s voice. “We did it…” he said. “We stayed calm in there.” 

“River—“ Duncan tried again. 

Before he could continue, Hugo got into the driver’s seat and they were off to their next destination. “I am VERY proud of you two,” he said. “I know that wasn’t easy, and I’m impressed by how relaxed you both were.” 

“I think it helped that it wasn’t super big,” River said. “It also helped that I wasn’t so focused on not peeing my pants.” He laughed then.

Duncan flinched, bouncing his knees rapidly and crossing his ankles. His fingers curled around his leather seat— and dear GOD, how he wished it were one made of porcelain instead… “Hugo, I—“ 

“Do you feel up to going to the hardware store, too?” 

“Y—Yes,” Duncan answered. “And, I—“ 

“Yeah,” River agreed. “We should be—“ 

“I need to go to the bathroom!” Duncan blurted out, and now that he’d said it, he went back to holding himself, doubling over, hands buried in the crease his body created. 

River stared at Duncan’s twitching, pained position. “… You had to go the whole time we were at the store, didn’t you?” He asked. 

“Yessss!” Duncan moaned. “I— I wanted to ask you and Hugo to go with me when we were checking out, but I— I—“ 

“You… Couldn’t talk,” River stated. “That’s it, right? When you’re scared, you have trouble saying anything?” 

Duncan glanced up and nodded. “And, the only other way I could think of to tell you I had to pee, was to…” 

“Do… Kinda what you’re doing now?” River guessed. “But, in public where it would have been really embarrassing?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Aw, Duncan, I’m sorry!” River said. “I thought you were JUST scared, I didn’t realize you also had to—“ 

“The hardware store’s REALLY close,” Hugo said. “It’s quicker to get there than it is to get back to the cabin. Five more minutes, is that okay?” 

“Y—Yes,” Duncan said. “But, I need to— Right when we get there, I need to…” 

“As soon as we’re through the door, don’t worry,” Hugo said. “I kinda gotta go too, so I’ll be with you.” 

Duncan gritted his teeth, crossed his legs, and held onto himself for dear life as he begged the car to move just a little faster. Five minutes weren’t long, but they could still be excruciating in the right circumstances. 

Hugo parked as close to the store as he could, hoping to minimize the amount of steps separating Duncan from the toilets. Hugo tried to remember which side of the store the restrooms were on, and hoped he’d gotten it right.

Duncan yanked off his seatbelt and scrambled from the car. He jumped from foot to foot, wishing he could just run straight in there by himself, calling “I’ll meet back up with you by the entrance!” Over his shoulder as he ran to the nearest available toilet. He couldn’t, though. He had to wait, he had to wait so River and Hugo could go WITH him and ensure he felt safe and secure. Hugo, Duncan knew, would keep him and River safe anywhere. 

River came to Duncan’s side and put an arm around his trembling shoulders. Even now that he was out of the car, Duncan hadn’t moved his hands away from his groin. Poor guy was overflowing… River couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized back at the other store! “I’m so sorry…” he said. “It will all be over soon.” 

Duncan just kept dancing in place. He didn’t care if someone noticed now. His flailing, frantic motions were still less embarrassing than soaked pants would be, and if he stopped moving even for a second, he’d drench himself from the waist down immediately. 

Hugo came around and led them inside. He was relieved when they walked through the door and the sign for the restrooms was right beside them. Duncan’s eyes latched onto it, his bladder roiling and doing somersaults in his belly. He had to pee so bad that he was getting nauseas. 

“Okay, right here…” Hugo said, taking them down the small corridor. 

Duncan spurted and leaked with each step, drips leaving him as his bladder became determined to explode right at the finish line. ‘Please, please, just a few more seconds, I can make it…’ 

“O—Oh no…” 

Hugo’s voice. 

“FUCK!” 

River’s. 

Duncan opened his pinched shut eyes. Then blinked them several times. What he saw in front of him couldn’t have been real. It was impossible. Not NOW. Not when he was already peeing in his pants, not when every second added another gallon to his impossible burden. 

But no matter how long Duncan stared, the sign on the door refused to change. 

The men’s room was being cleaned.

Duncan wasn’t going to get to use a toilet any time soon. 

But, there was no space left in his bladder for that! There was no room in there at all! He was filled to the brim, half his body weight was surely made up of urine. His kidneys were floating. His teeth hurt. His eyes burned. He felt like he was going to cry, and then pee his pants. 

The women’s room was open! Could Duncan ask the others to go in there WITH him, though? That would be… That would be super hard for River, wouldn’t it? Really, really uncomfortable… But, Duncan couldn’t hold it any longer, and there were TOILETS in there, and he needed one NOW, and the only difference would be the lack of urinals and the SIGN on the door, and— 

Spurt… Hsss… 

And Duncan was PEEING, and— His eyes welled up, he clutched himself more firmly. He was so lost in his own Hell that he didn’t feel River and Hugo rushing him out of the store, didn’t notice until he was outside again and the sun was blinding him. He was so confused, so disoriented. Fuck… He needed somewhere… 

God, there were all those display toilets hardware stores always had in the plumbing section! He could use one of those! Yeah, yeah, yeah! So long as Hugo bought it afterwards, no one would complain! Duncan would PEE, and everything would be fine, and— 

He realized River was helping him back into the car, and he panicked. “I can’t hold it all the way home! I need— I gotta use one of the—“ He fumbled, trying to explain his brilliant ‘display toilet’ idea, and this time his inability to find his words had everything to do with delirious desperation rather than fear. 

He heard things being tossed around in the trunk, and then the absolutely torturous sound of running water, which prompted more liquid to seep into his already sodden pants. “Nnnnh…. River—“ 

“Hold on,” River encouraged him. “You can do it…” 

The driver’s side door popped open, and Duncan heard Hugo’s voice speaking to River, “Here—“ 

“Thank you…” River said. “Duncan, move your hands.” 

Duncan whipped his head back and forth. “I’ll pee!” 

“It’s gonna be okay…” River said, gently brushing Duncan’s hands away even as he made little, mewling protests, begging that he NEEDED to hold himself otherwise he’d GO. 

Duncan heard his zipper come apart, and that noise was way too much. His dam split apart, shattered into millions of pieces, and he was pissing with such a violent force it almost hurt coming out. His face scrunched up further in dismay, he couldn’t stop! He’d lost it, he was wetting his pants in a public parking lot— Hugo was gonna be mad that he’d peed all over the seat! 

Duncan realized a few seconds later that he didn’t feel any warmer, and there was a noise he couldn’t identify, a rattling sound… 

“There…” River said in a soft, encouraging tone. “There you go… That’s better…” 

Duncan finally opened his eyes back up, and saw that he WASN’T having an accident after all. River was aiming his tip into the opening of one of the large soda bottles they’d bought, and he was in the process of throughly re-filling it. 

“Sorry you had to hear Hugo pouring this thing out,” River said, still focused on directing Duncan’s stream for him. “A—And I’m sorry that I’m… Fuck, I shoulda asked first before I started touching you…” 

“It’s…” Duncan panted out, chest rising and falling slowly as the tension slipped away from him. “It’s alright… I was… Losing it…” 

“I know…” River said. “You… Er… You want me to keep—“ 

“I’m…” Duncan gasped. His body was floating, he was barely aware of where he was anymore. All he could comprehend was that, suddenly, he was feeling loads better. “I’m too… You do it…” 

“Okay,” River said, focusing again. Wow, Duncan had so much in him… No wonder he’d been flipping out like that. This was a liter bottle, he’d already filled it past the halfway mark. River wasn’t sure if he could do that even when at his MOST desperate. Duncan had gone super limp, which made the job of aiming for him pretty easy. With his eyes shut and his breathing so slow and relaxed, he almost looked like he’d fallen asleep while gushing. 

Duncan wasn’t asleep though. He was awake, and mostly alert. As alert as one could be while lost in a world of unfathomable relief, anyway. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to truly register the fact that River was touching his dick. River’s hand was wrapped around it, direct skin-to-skin contact for the first time. 

Oh… Oh noooo! Duncan’s first time touching River’s penis had been while helping him piss, and now the REVERSE was true, too! The— The first time wasn’t supposed to be this way! He’d wanted it to come when they were in the midst of heavy, passionate kissing, and had been unable to contain their excitement any longer! 

But… River WAS still touching him now. And… And that felt really, really good. Almost as good as peeing did. Now, if only River would start moving his hand a little bit, just up and down nice and slow… As Duncan’s stream tapered off, his cock started to twitch, he felt it expanding, felt it aching for more of River’s touch, felt— 

“O—Oh gosh!” River said, hurriedly screwing the cap back onto the soda bottle. 

Duncan’s eyes opened again, and he remembered where he was. And that it wasn’t the right place for a tryst with River— Especially not their first. River was covering his face now, blushing. 

Hugo, still facing forward in the driver’s seat, asked “Did something spill?” 

“Nah—No!” River said. “Don’t look back here!”

Now Duncan was blushing too, he shoved his member back into his pants and zipped up. Fuck, how had he forgotten he and River weren’t even ALONE? How could he have let himself get… Like THAT here… 

“Duncan? You done?” Hugo asked. “You decent?” 

Duncan didn’t feel ‘decent’ at all. He felt like a total pervert… “Uh— Yeah, I… Finished peeing.” 

“You wanna go back into the store? You’re not… too… uh…” 

“T—Too what!?” Duncan asked, panicking. Had Hugo seen it through the rearview mirror? Did he know Duncan had gotten way, WAY too excited? 

“Er… Wet…” Hugo said awkwardly. 

Oh. Right… Duncan had ALSO partially pissed his pants today. He’d forgotten that part somehow. “…Yeah, I think we should save this for another time,” he said. 

“Okay,” Hugo said. “No problem.”

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“I… Earlier…” River said, as he and Duncan lay in bed that night. “I… Did not mean to make you…” 

“It’s fine,” Duncan said. “I didn’t mean to GET… like that. But, I mean, your hand was RIGHT on me, I was already pretty sensitive, and you’re crazy hot, so it was sorta just bound to happen…” He trailed off, remembering now that River HADN’T gotten hard when Duncan had aimed for him… 

Why didn’t River’s body react to Duncan the same way Duncan’s reacted to him? 

Maybe the whole piss factor part of it had just been a big turn-off for River, though. Duncan didn’t think he had a pee kink either, but it would take a LOT more than that to prevent him from getting hard when a good-looking guy was touching his cock.

“I didn’t make you uncomfortable with that, did I?” Duncan asked. 

River shook his head. “No, it’s not like you had control over it. I’m just glad you finished going first. It’s supposed to be tricky to piss if you’re hard, right?” 

Duncan nodded, wondering if River had somehow managed to never wake up with morning wood and a full bladder… Duncan wasn’t sure how long ago River had had his operation, maybe it just hadn’t happened yet? “Yeah, it isn’t easy. And if you DO manage to go that way, and you’re standing up, you’ll probably make a mess.” Now, Duncan felt a little like he was giving River a warning that he’d need to abide in the future at some point. Passing down some wisdom to him. 

“Oh,” River said. “I guess that makes sense…” He kissed Duncan on the cheek. “Goodnight,” he said. “Hope you sleep well.” 


Duncan kissed him back. “I love you, babe.” 

*** 

The next morning, River woke with a damp crotch. But, his bladder was so brutally, painfully full that he doubted HE was the one who’d had the accident. River only got up feeling this urgently desperate if he didn’t empty himself out even ONCE during the night. 

He uncurled himself from Duncan, seeing that his partner’s pants were just as soaked as his own were. River contemplated staying in bed until Duncan woke up, and insisting that HE’D been the one— the ONLY one— to wet the bed. Duncan had soaked him enough to make it pretty difficult to tell for sure. 

River’s bladder protested AGAINST that idea, however. Maybe if he relieved himself quickly enough, he could get BACK in bed before Duncan got up and still manage to pull off his plan, but he couldn’t simply LAY here and wait without risking a real accident. 

So, River got up, and realized he was now going to have to walk through the hall in pee-stained pants to get to the toilet. Maybe Hugo had already left for the day, though… And, if not, River could just hide the wet spot on his way to the restroom— His hands kept inching towards his crotch on their own anyways! 

He allowed them to make contact, allowed them to squeeze his opening closed. This was another thing that had begun to feel vastly different after his surgery. River found himself needing to cork his bladder up by-hand more often than he cared to admit, so he had plenty of opportunities to make some comparisons. Before, he usually pressed his hands one on top of the other, digging into the same spot. Now, what tended to work best was to put one hand against his tip where the urine came out, and wrap the other around his shaft for more support. It was sort of interesting to him how a little thing like that had changed. 

His hands digging into himself and inadvertently shielding his damp spot from view, River left the bedroom. He was surprised he hadn’t woken up to go sooner— He was surprised he hadn’t ALSO peed the bed like Duncan had! River needed a pee so bad that walking a few brief paces down the hall was sending shooting pangs through his body. If his legs didn’t stay close enough together, he felt scorching trembles threatening to burst him apart. 

He got to the door, exhaling with relief. It was nearly over now. 

“River…?” Hugo said, coming down the hall from his room. “Good morning, are you…” He paused, looking closer at River’s hands and pajama pants. “Oh no, did you have another bad dream?” 

River shrugged. He was fine with telling Duncan the mess was all his fault, but telling Hugo was more embarrassing. Hugo didn’t have nightmares like River did. Hugo never peed the bed at all. He shifted between his feet from more than just his urgency. “Y—Yeah…” he said. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

River shook his head. Not only did he NOT have time to talk right now, he also hadn’t actually HAD a bad dream last night, so there was nothing to discuss. “M—Maybe later,” he said, the hands around his dick pressing down further. 

Hugo watched. “Don’t be ashamed of this” he said. “Go change, I’ll get everything washed that needs to be.” 

“Er…” River trailed off. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say “In a minute, I need the toilet first.” It had suddenly become hard to say it for some reason. 

“I know, I know,” Hugo said. “It’s embarrassing, but it’s bad for your skin, and you’ll feel better once you’re changed out of that. Then we can pretend it never happened.” 

“Uh…” River still couldn’t do it! 

“And, don’t forget the sheets,” Hugo added. “I’ll clean that up too.” 

River sighed and ignored the confused thrashing in his bladder as he backed away from the restroom door. He cursed himself. Any other day, he wouldn’t have trouble just interrupting Hugo and shouting out “I get all that, but I gotta piss before I do ANYTHING else!” He just hadn’t been able to DO it now, not when Hugo was standing there, talking to him about getting cleaned up after an ‘accident’. It didn’t even matter that this accident hadn’t been HIS, the fact he’d let Hugo think it was was enough! 

So, he went back to his bedroom, carrying what felt like a rock-hard water balloon in his midsection. He just had to get changed, then he could go… He didn’t even need to worry about the sheets until Duncan was actually awake. Some of the pee had stained his top as well, so he was going to have to get completely changed. Pulling his shirt up over his head forced his abdominal muscles to stretch out a little bit, skin pulling tautly over the surging organ in his core, and once his shirt was off, his hands flew back between his legs. He rocked himself against his grip, his bare shoulders shuddering, spine knotting. 

River took a series of heavy breaths, reminding himself the toilet was RIGHT down the hall, and he’d be able to use it a lot FASTER if he finished changing. It struck him then how silly it was to change out of WET clothes that he was fighting so furiously not to get any more piss on, and put on DRY clothes that he might not be able to KEEP dry for long. 

Once he felt like he had wrenched back enough of his control, he gingerly released his dick from his hands. Now that nothing blocked his view, he found himself startled by the appearance of his lower abdomen. His bladder FELT like it was stuffed to the gills, hard as a rock, and trying to push its way out of his skin— But it also sort of LOOKED that way. 

His middle was bloated, jutting out very slightly between his hip-bones. His pajama pants were tighter around him than usual. The harsh, distended shape scared him a little. He’d only seen his body do that a FEW times in the past. 

When he was younger, his Mother had gotten angry with him for dressing up like a male character when his class played dress-up. So, she ordered him to his room. River had thought the punishment would only last five or ten minutes, since that was how it usually went, but she made him stay there for hours. It didn’t take long for River to need to go, and he shouted and begged to be allowed out for just a minute so he could use the bathroom. 

Mother told him no every time, told him she wasn’t ready to look at him yet, told him to just “hold it, like a big girl.” River did his best to listen, but he’d just had to go so much, it hurt really bad, and then his midsection was protruding and it freaked him out. A while later, following a lot more begging, he couldn’t wait a second longer. And then he was in trouble for THAT too. 

On his first day of middle school, River had gotten lost in the building, which was much larger than the elementary school. He didn’t know where any of his classes were, they were all spread out apart from another, and no one would talk to him and help him out. He kept arriving late and getting in trouble… And then he needed to pee. 

He didn’t know where any of the bathrooms were, either, and kept thinking it was MORE important to focus on finding his classrooms in time— He’d go pee at lunch when he had more time to look around. When lunchtime finally arrived, he was so desperate that he could barely stand up, and walking in a straight line was impossible. When the bell rang, he noticed that his belly looked bloated, and that freaked him out. The teacher whose class just ended noticed River’s desperation and asked him if he knew where the toilets were, to which River blurted out that he DIDN’T and that he was going to burst! 

The teacher brought him to a restroom and River ran in. But, once he was in a stall, he peed his pants trying to get them down.

Once, during his first night on the streets, he’d been too scared to pull down his pants in an alleyway to relieve himself, and could find nowhere else to do it. None of the stores were still open. The nearest construction site was a long walk from where he was, and he had no idea if the portaloos set up there would be accessible after everyone had gone home. It was either piss in the alley or hold it until morning, and River was so frightened that he decided to hold it until morning. 

A couple hours later was when he noticed he was getting swollen. Fifteen minutes after that, he’d wet his pants. 

After discovering how much it was going to cost him to clean his clothes at a laundromat, River got over his fear of peeing outside so that he wouldn’t have to get them washed too often. 

River knew now that the swelling meant ‘Get to a toilet NOW or you’re going to have an accident!’ The swelling always came JUST before he peed his pants, it was a sign that he was nearing his limit— As if the angry, rippling surges criss-crossing through his lower abdomen hadn’t been enough to clue him in. 

‘Fucking idiot…’ River thought as he struggled out of his pajama pants. ‘Why the Hell’d you have to get so shy about this anyway? Why didn’t you tell Hugo you had to—‘ When his pants fell around his ankles, he realized the wetness had made it to his boxers (But, he didn’t want to speculate if it was just from Duncan’s accident, or if HE’D sprung a leak himself). He was gonna have to change those, too. 

Yesterday, when he and Duncan had been getting dressed, River hadn’t removed his boxers at any point. 

He looked over his shoulder. Duncan still looked asleep… And why was he so worried anyway? Duncan had seen his dick before. Duncan LIKED his dick! River shouldn’t be nervous about taking it out now! And, this was a really bad time to be getting bashful, he couldn’t keep dawdling unless he wanted to make a big puddle on the floor. He tore the boxers down in one quick motion, momentarily stunned by the sudden loss of pressure in his bladder. He hadn’t realized they’d been squeezing it so hard! 

Speaking of squeezing, River accidentally let himself relax a little too much, and was startled by the sight of a pale yellow droplet seeping from his tip. It fell, landed on the sodden clothes at his feet, and he squeezed himself tightly to keep from letting loose another. He jumped in place, hitching his hips to and fro, aware of how utterly ridiculous he must have looked. Pee dancing was embarrassing as Hell, pee-dancing while naked was enough to make him want to go invisible. 

At least Duncan was asleep and couldn’t see this… 

River moved to the wardrobe, and had to fight hard to get even ONE of his hands to unwrap from his cock so that he could pull it open. As soon as he’d dislodged one of them, the other started pressing twice as hard. It was actually causing him some pain to be holding himself so tightly. He was reminded of how, right after his phalloplasty, he’d been scared that if he just moved wrong, he’d somehow break it. The doctors had all told him that wasn’t possible, that now that he’d had the operation, it was there for keeps. Even River had known his anxiety was illogical, but it was hard to help it when he’d spent so long thinking nothing could make his body into a thing he wanted to live in; Of course, he’d thought it too good to be true, and that something would happen to take it away.

The abuse he was giving his dick now was proof that he hadn’t needed to worry. He was basically strangling the poor thing and it was fine. He grabbed some clothes, just sweatpants and a shirt. Those would be really easy to put on. He skipped getting new boxers just so that he could cut down on the number of steps separating him from relief. “Ffff… Gotta go…” He muttered. “I need a damn piss… Why couldn’t I just fucking say that?” 

Duncan’s eyes blinked open. He felt cold, clammy wetness between his thighs. Either one, or both of them had peed in bed last night… With fragments of his nightmare still clinging to his memory, Duncan was sure he’d been at least partially responsible. Still bleary with sleep, he turned and saw River wasn’t next to him… He could hear River’s voice though, gruff and frustrated, and he looked up to see River hurriedly trying to tug a pair of sweatpants up his legs, and not having much success because they kept crossing together, and his feet refused to stop dancing. He also kept needing to STOP dressing himself so that he could put his hands around his dick…

His bare dick… River had either forgotten or skipped putting boxers on… Duncan now had a VERY pleasant view of River’s body, bare from the knees up where the pants were pinned between his trembling legs. Everything about River was utterly delectable to Duncan’s eyes. His lithe arms, his bare chest, his smooth butt, his tantalizing dick … Which had little spurts of liquid seeping out of it. And then, there was that swell in his stomach that Duncan hadn’t noticed yesterday. 

Duncan had still been so sleepy that it wasn’t until he noticed those LAST two things that he finally put it together; River was bursting. Fully and completely by the looks of it. And, with as desperate as River was, Duncan doubted he’d peed at all during the night, which meant the damp sheets were entirely his OWN doing.

That didn’t bother him, though. Other mornings, it might have. Other mornings, he would have groaned, teared up a little, cursed the organization for making him pee the bed when he hadn’t done that since he was a little kid. But today, Duncan didn’t want River to have an accident as well, so he ignored those feelings and came to his boyfriend’s side. “Do you need help?” 

River jumped, and Duncan saw a bit more pee shoot out of him from the fright, saw it splash the wooden floor at his feet. They’d have to wipe that up later… “D—Duncan, you’re awake…” River said. 

“Yeah…” Duncan said, smiling. “Silly River, why didn’t you go pee before getting dressed?” 

“Ah— H—Hugo saw my pajamas were wet— B—because I peed the bed— so he told me to— And I was embarrassed to say I had to— I— I don’t know, I gotta piss so bad I can barely fucking move.” 

Duncan nodded, knowing that he at least had ONE way to help River feel better. “Nah, I think last night it was just ME that had an accident,” he said. “You look like you didn’t go all night.” 

River flinched, gasping with urgency at Duncan’s words. “Hahh—!” His bladder didn’t appreciate having to hear aloud how long it had been since River had last let it relax. “M—Maybe…” He grunted, still not wanting Duncan to feel bad. “I— Fuckfuckfuck—“ River gave in and clutched at himself again, bobbing up and down. The pants rolled the rest of the way down his legs. “I can’t fucking believe this, I can’t even—“ 

“It’s okay…” Duncan knelt down. He felt pretty silly pulling River’s pants up for him, when he knew it was entirely possible he was going to need to help him pull them back DOWN in a couple minutes, but he did it anyway, slowly pulling them up River’s legs, over his dick and the hands still grasping it. Since they were sweat pants, and awfully loose, River hadn’t needed to even move his hands. 

Duncan looked at the shirt River had gotten. He WOULD need to move his hands for that… But, he’d skipped boxers, maybe he could skip the shirt, too? “You wanna go to the restroom now, or do you need the shirt?” 

River really, REALLY wanted to go to the restroom now. But, without a shirt, Hugo could end up seeing River’s scars… In this case, it wasn’t the scars beneath his nipples, nor the one down his forearm, that River was worried about someone seeing. Hugo had been there with him through the whole process of his surgeries, he KNEW they were there and had seen them, he’d had to help River BATHE as he’d recovered, the scars didn’t PHASE him. 

THOSE scars didn’t, anyway. 

But, there were a couple other ones, a couple NEW ones, that Hugo might not want to see. Several on his back, caused by acid burns, caused by the Organization. Hugo had never seen those before… 

“Y—Yeah, I want the shirt,” River said. 

“Okay…” Duncan said. “You’ll have to move your arms…” 

“I— I know…” River slowly and shakily released his dick, moved his hands out from beneath his waistband. A lurching, shuddering flare of need bubbled through his bladder, and he bent forwards to reaffirm his grip. “Ahhhnnn….” A little trickle escaped him anyway, darkening the grey material of the sweatpants. “Can’t— Can’t—“ 

“Um, I’ll help! I’ll help— Um…” Duncan thought for a second. “I’ll hold it while you put the shirt on, if you’re comfortable with—“ 

River nodded, easing his own hands away again. “DO IT! Hurry!” 

Duncan went around to River’s front and pressed his hands against River’s dick, sort of trying to pin it against River’s thigh. “If it’s hurting, tell m—“ 

“It’s fine, don’t let go…” River encouraged, reaching for the shirt and beginning to pull it on. 

Duncan’s face burned as he kept squeezing. It was a little strange to be holding someone else’s crotch… For THIS reason, anyway. He hadn’t ever thought about it— Why WOULD he think about it— but when he held his own dick to forestall the urge to urinate, things like the amount of pressure to use were pretty instinctual. He hoped he was holding on tight enough for River’s bladder… Duncan felt the warmth of River’s earlier leak, but it DID seem to be cooling off rather than getting warmer, so River must not have lost anymore. 

Duncan didn’t feel that awkward doing this, either. He’d felt up River’s cock over his clothes lots of times. So far, that was ALL they’d done together, just over the clothes touching. This wasn’t SO different. He just had to keep his hands in the same spot this time, couldn’t move them, wasn’t trying his best to get River erect and wondering what he was doing wrong to prevent that from happening. Of course River wasn’t hard this time, his bladder probably hurt too much for him to get that way. 

Once River had his shirt on, he brushed Duncan’s hands away and took over, pinching himself closed as he hobbled for the door. “Gotta piss… Gotta piss… Dear fuck, I gotta piss…” He muttered. 

Duncan followed after him. He sort of needed to go as well, and he wasn’t entirely convinced that River wouldn’t need MORE help. 

Once more, River reached the restroom door, and no one interrupted him before he could grab the doorknob. He pushed it open and scrambled inside. He shut the door and began frantically bouncing in front of the toilet. He yanked the sweatpants down, letting them fall back around his ankles, and aimed for the bowl. Liquid blasted out of him, slamming into the water and creating a thunderous roar of blissful release. 

Outside, Duncan had been a little worried about River, wondering if he should have gone in right after him to help him get the pants back OFF, but when he heard the ear-splitting hiss of liquid hitting liquid, he had to assume that River had managed it and was now free to let go. A loud, low groan of pleasure reverberated from behind the door and confirmed it. 

Those sounds were making Duncan need to go a whole lot more, and he crossed his legs together, let his ankles rub. 

In front of the toilet, River started to tremble where he stood. This felt so amazing… He could feel the nerve-wracking ball of bloat in his midsection growing smaller, knew that by the time he was done his stomach would be flat again, no longer protruding with far too much urine. He recalled his assessment from the previous day, that he probably wouldn’t be able to fill up a liter bottle even when he was bursting, and thought now that he’d been mistaken. It felt to him like if he’d been doing this into a bottle, he could fill it up just as high as Duncan had. 

Back in the hall, Duncan saw Hugo come around the corner from the kitchen, ready to head out. Hugo stopped when he spotted Duncan at the restroom door, in his wet pajamas, shifting around. “Did you have a nightmare, too?” 

Duncan nodded. “I think it was just me,” he said. “River was… Kinda having an emergency when he got up, so he must not have gone last night.” 

Hugo paused, now able to hear the sound of River’s bladder exploding in the restroom, the furious rush of a stream against porcelain, the light, floaty moans… 

Then he remembered how he’d seen River right in front of the restroom earlier, and had told him to go get changed right away. It should have been obvious that he’d been interrupting! Yet, he’d still assumed River’s anxious twitching was caused by embarrassment over wetting the bed, not desperation. Aw, jeez… Now he felt terrible! 

He listened as the jet of water dissipated into a trickle, listened to some shuffling of clothing and the flush of the toilet, listened as River quickly ran his hands under the sink’s faucet for what couldn’t have been even a full second… Then, the door opened, and there River was, face flushed pink, shoulders limp, legs swaying. He had a sort of dazed look on his face… 

“River, I’m sorry I sent you back to your room,” Hugo said. “I didn’t realize you had to pee, I thought you were just embarrassed!” 

“I— I sort of was…” River said. “I wanted everyone to think I’d pissed the bed so Duncan wouldn’t feel bad, and then I was… I guess too ashamed to let you know I was desperate when you thought I’d just…” 

“River, I wouldn’t have felt bad!” Duncan said. “Er, I mean, I would have… But only for a bit! I’d get over it! I’m— I’m ALREADY over it. You didn’t need to pretend it was all you. And— And you shouldn’t feel ashamed to tell someone you have to pee after you’ve had an accident, either. Er… See? I… I wet the bed last night, and now I have to go again, and… And that’s not…” He frowned, chest and face going warm. “I don’t know where I’m going with this… I just don’t want you to worry so much…” 

“O—Oh, you need to pee too?” River got out of the doorway. “Th—There you go.” 

Duncan stepped in— doing so a LOT more calmly than River had earlier— lowered the seat on the toilet, pulled down his pants, and sat. As he emptied his bladder with a soft sigh, he could overhear River and Hugo talking. 

“River, I guess it was nice of you to try to take the blame,” Hugo said. “But… You usually… You speak up when you need to go.” 

“I tried to earlier, it was just hard!” River said. “Like I said, I got all embarrassed, and stuff.” 

“That’s… You didn’t…” Hugo didn’t finish the thought. 

Duncan finished peeing and stood from the toilet. He knew what Hugo had been about to say, and he was glad he’d stopped himself. River didn’t need to hear the words “You didn’t used to do things like that” again. River knew that things about his behavior had changed. River knew that he was more scared now, and that he was more ashamed of himself now. 

Everyone had been brought to the Organization for a reason. Everyone had been brought there because someone hated them, because someone thought they needed to be punished. The people that had been brought there with River and Duncan had been scam-artists, child abusers, thieves— One person had even been a cold-hearted killer. 

While Duncan found the method of retribution brought to those people abhorrent, he could at least understand WHY someone had wanted vengeance against them. He could even understand why someone had wanted to make HIM suffer. 

But, he could never, EVER understand the reason River had been put there. 

River’s Mother had paid for his execution, and his crime was simply not wanting to take the Estrogen hormones anymore. His crime had been nothing more than just being himself. His Mother had already kicked him out of her home, barred him from her life, but that hadn’t been enough. When she’d seen him volunteering at a nursing home one day, when she’d seen the changes to his features, the scar on his arm, knew that he’d become the person he wanted to be, she’d thought that worthy of death. 

When they’d been imprisoned, when he and River were about to be killed, videos were shown explaining what they’d been condemned for. And that was how Duncan had learned River was intersex, how he’d learned River had been raised as a girl. That had been surprising, but not as much of a gut-punch as the reveal that River’s own parents had wanted him killed for it. The people whom were supposed to love and protect River the most had done the exact opposite, and the Organization played a very, very long video testimony from River’s Mother wherein she broke down exactly how much she hated River, how much he disgusted her, how much she wished she’d never even given birth to him. 

Duncan had watched River’s face change throughout the video, and it became clear that his Mother’s words were a worse torture for him than anything else the Organization had subjected him to. 

So yes, River felt shame now more than he ever had before. It didn’t matter what exactly was causing him to feel ashamed, the feelings remained intense and painful.

*** 

(The reason River doesn’t get hard from Duncan touching him/Hasn’t woken up with a boner is just because erections work differently for someone with a phalloplasty. River CAN get hard, but it’s not spontaneous/automatic for him. Duncan isn’t aware of this, and so expects River’s body to respond the same way his own does and it’s making him anxious when it doesn’t. River also doesn’t realize what Duncan doesn’t know, so doesn’t notice his anxiety. In future chapters, River and Duncan will have more discussions about this, but I wanted to clear it up now for anyone who doesn’t already know. 

I’m not sure how much River’s Mom is going to show up in this fic, since there is no way the two of them will encounter one another again, so she’ll only make appearances in flashbacks. 

River’s Mom believes that something she did wrong during the pregnancy is responsible for River being born intersex. She spent his childhood trying to make sure he grew into a ‘normal’ woman and keep him from getting ‘confused’. (Which is also why she refused to tell him about his condition.) Any deviation (such as dressing masculinely for a game) would make River’s Mom panic. She viewed River’s rejection of being a woman as a rejection of all the the ‘work’ she did to make him ‘normal’, and as an act of betrayal. 

And, yeah, the way the Organization works is, if someone wants another person dead, they can pay money to have them killed. They have to submit a video where they explain why they want that person to die. Prior to their execution, the victim will have to watch the video so they know the reason they’ve been brought there. The Organization also doesn’t really care WHAT the reason is, so long as they get the money. So, sometimes the people killed are guilty of heinous crimes such as murder or child abuse, and other times it’s like what happened with River.)

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This is a pretty dark one, you're going to see a flashback of River's Mom. So, warnings for transphobia, interphobia and medical abuse.

***

River shoved the plate away from himself forcefully, the material squeaking against the wooden table. “Are you kidding me?” He snapped. He hadn’t meant to shout, but the sight of that crumbled up pill in his food had made him so furious. 

“You know,” his Mom said. “If you would take the hormones on your own, we wouldn’t need to do things like this. You’re the one deciding to make it difficult.” 

“I’m not taking them,” River said with a groan. “I’m not going to let you turn me into a girl.” 

“You are a girl,” Mom told him. “No one is turning you into anything— It’s what you are, you just need a little extra help to grow into yourself.” 

River scooted back his chair and started to stand. 

His Dad grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back down. “Finish your dinner.” 

“No,” River said. “I’m not getting drugged.” 

“That’s right,” Dad agreed. “You’re NOT getting ‘drugged’, you’re being given medication that you NEED.” He sighed. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’re behaving like a child. You’re sixteen years old, it’s time you matured.” 

River didn’t understand how this was a matter of maturity. He couldn’t understand his parents at all. A few months ago, he’d seen a kid at his school taking iron supplements for anemia, and he’d been surprised. Not because he’d found another person with his same condition, but because the pills THAT guy was taking looked absolutely NOTHING like the ‘anemia medication’ his parents gave HIM every day. 

So, when he got home, he looked up the letters that were etched into HIS pills, and made the discovery that they WEREN’T iron supplements at all— And that he probably DIDN’T have anemia. Instead, his pills were hormones; Estrogen, and another one that was supposed to ‘suppress testosterone production’. Why would he need THAT? When he read the effects, he got even more confused. 

The hormones were supposed to cause him to undergo female puberty. But, as much as River didn’t like it, he WAS already female, right? He had a vagina… It didn’t look very much like the ones in his health textbook, but that was probably only because everyone’s body was a little different. The websites said the pills caused ‘breast development’, except… Wasn’t that going to happen anyway? River had been repulsed ever since he first saw those things growing in, had pressed his hands against them as hard as he could, like he could force them back into his body and have his chest flat again. But, he’d known that they were coming, he’d known that they were inevitable, and would show up on their own. 

So then, why the pills? 

Come to think of it, River was sixteen years old and he hadn’t gotten his first period. Mom was always asking him if it had showed up yet, and River had been dreading that inevitability for years… Sixteen was really, REALLY late to still not have one, wasn’t it? 

Suddenly, River didn’t think he wanted to take his pills anymore. Just to see what would happen if they were gone. Something just didn’t feel right… Something HADN’T felt right for a long time, but now it felt even more wrong than ever. 

From that day on, whenever River’s parents handed him the hormone pills, he’d stick them into his mouth. But, instead of swallowing them, he’d spit them out into the toilet. It only took about a month for his parents to catch on; They spotted the results before River himself did. They noticed fuzz growing in on his chin, heard his voice cracking and changing. “You’ve stopped taking your pills,” his Mom had said. It wasn’t a question, she already knew. Briskly, she informed him that his medication was non-negotiable. She was going to monitor him from then on to make sure he actually swallowed them. 

An argument ensued, River told her again and again that he was not going to take ANY medication until he was told what it was for. 

“It’s for your anemia, you know that.” 

River shook his head. “Estrogen doesn’t treat anemia— I bet I don’t even HAVE that, do I?” 

“It’s not estrogen,” his Mom said. She laughed, as if River were being ridiculous. “It’s an iron supplement.” 

“The label on the pill says it’s something else.” 

They got louder, until River’s Dad came downstairs to see what was going on. His Mom told him that River was refusing his medication. River, again, demanded to know what he needed it for. After a lot more arguing, River’s Dad told him. 

And suddenly things started to make sense. He’d always felt so uncomfortable as a girl, had always had it in the back of his mind that someone had made a mistake when he was born, and now that had just been confirmed. The surgeons that had operated on him when he was a baby had just gotten it wrong, and River being raised as a female had all been a huge misunderstanding. All River had to do now was correct those surgeons’ errors and everything would be fixed. 

In those first few moments of knowing the truth, River hadn’t felt betrayed, he hadn’t felt despair, he’d only felt hope. He was even a little excited. He thought he may have been smiling a little. “Oh, okay,” he said. “That explains it… The doctors just messed up.” 

His parents didn’t react the way he’d been expecting them to; The way he NEEDED them to. 

“What did they mess up?” Mom asked.

“They picked the wrong thing,” River said. “They made me into a girl, but that wasn’t right.” He laughed a little, a relieved breath exhaling through his nose. “All my life, I didn’t know why I felt like this, but I get it now. I was just always supposed to—“ 

“They didn’t make you into a girl,” Mom interrupted. “You just are one.” 

Upon hearing that, River’s elation started to drain away. He looked to his Dad, hoping that maybe he would understand a little better. Surely, at least one of his parents had to realize that it had been a bad idea to perform a surgery like that on someone who couldn’t even speak yet; They’d only had a 50/50 chance of guessing the right option, that meant there was a huge chance they’d get it wrong! “Dad…?” He said. “I really don’t think—“ 

“You’re sixteen,” Dad said. “You’re too young to make decisions like this. Take your pills.” 

His Dad’s words confused him. At sixteen, he was too young to say he didn’t want the pills anymore. But, as a baby, he’d been old enough to be operated on? Furious, he’d stormed up to his room, his thoughts swirling. He felt violated, all the way down to his bones. He’d never once felt like he truly belonged in his own body, but now that he knew about this, it felt less like it belonged to him than ever before. 

There followed a terrible period in his home, filled with constant feuds as River’s parents tried to force him to take the pills. One night, his Dad physically pinned him to the floor and stuffed them into his mouth. He laid there for a while, pretending to swallow them, then when his parents finally left him alone, he opened up the window and spat them into the bush. 

And that led to tonight, when Mom had decided to hide the medication in his food. River was not going to eat it. He would starve before he let even one more of those pills enter his body. HIS body. It belonged to HIM. What went into it, what was DONE to it… Those decisions weren’t his parents’ to make. 

The shouting and screaming that night was unreal. His Mom called him every awful name she could think of, yelled at him that everyone at school would laugh at the ‘girl growing a beard’. River didn’t reply, he didn’t tell her that everyone he went to school already made fun of him, and that he was beyond the point of caring about it. He’d allow himself to be mocked to Hell and back if only he could please, please have control over his own body. 

At some point, Dad got so angry at River’s continued refusals that he stormed out of the house. River heard the car pull out of the driveway and knew he wouldn’t be back for a while. Mom started to cry. Hot, angry tears that ran down her face in thick globs. “Look what you did!” She snarled. 

River didn’t reply. He didn’t think he’d done anything. And, even if he had, it in no way matched the scale of what his parents had allowed to be done to him. River hadn’t performed unneeded surgeries on them when they couldn’t say no. River hadn’t lied to them every day for sixteen years. River hadn’t forced them to take unnecessary medication that made them feel miserable. At worst, he’d hurled curse words at them, which hardly seemed comparable. 

His Mom stared at him. River didn’t see any affection in her eyes. He wondered when the last time he’d seen that even was… She gave him an ultimatum. He was not allowed to leave the table until he agreed that he’d resume taking his hormones. 

River shrugged, “You’ll have to let me go to school on Monday, you know?” 

“We’ll see. It’s up to you if you go to school on Monday or not.” 

River groaned. He could wait her out. She had to go to sleep eventually, after all. Of course, he knew that once this was over, she’d come up with ANOTHER way to try to force those pills into him, but he’d deal with that once the time came. 

He really did not understand. If he needed pills to make him into a girl, that meant ‘boy’ was the default for him, didn’t it? So, then why were his parents so shocked and appalled when he told them that was what he was? 

In the time since he’d learned the truth about the pills, he’d done research of his own. He’d learned about transgender people and supposed he was sort of like that since he’d been stuck in the wrong box? He related to all the stories trans men had shared about their childhoods, he’d felt the exact same things that they all did. But, at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he quite fit in with THEM either, because some things about him were so different! 

All the trans guys talked about taking testosterone to transition, which River didn’t think he’d have to do since his body seemed to be making a lot of that by itself. Most of the trans guys had had menstrual periods at some point in their lives, River never had and never would, so when he read stories talking about how THAT felt, he couldn’t relate as well. Some of them wanted surgery to get rid of their breasts, which River definitely wanted for himself, but it was STILL different, because if he hadn’t been tricked into taking the pills, he wouldn’t HAVE any breasts to start with. 

A lot of them also mentioned wanting surgery to change their genitals. River had already had one of those, and that was where all his problems had begun. It was possible another surgery could fix it, but when he read about phalloplasty, he got nervous that it wouldn’t work on someone like him. Maybe since he’d already had the one surgery, he couldn’t have another. Or maybe since his parts weren’t exactly like a ‘typical’ female’s, something would go wrong. 

Really, none of that mattered, though. His parents had made it very clear that he did not own his body, all decisions regarding it were to be left up to them. They knew best, even if their choices made him utterly miserable. 

All he could do was refuse the pills. That was the only teeny bit of control he could even hope to exert over his own life. 

His Mom kept staring at him, her hands folded over the table. She wore a look on her face that told River HE was the one being unreasonable. 

River settled in to wait. Once Mom got tired enough, this would end. He was sure of it. 

He’d forgotten some important things, though; He had a really small bladder, and it had been about four hours since he’d last relieved himself. The second he got himself comfortable in the chair, he noticed that he needed to go. 

He didn’t give a fuck. He wasn’t going to poison himself just so he could take a leak. He’d hold it until his bladder broke itself into ten billion shards and ripped him open before he did that. 

Not that his middle wasn’t already aching. He wished he’d brought a manga to the table with him. That would have ticked his Mom off too, but at least then he’d have something to distract his mind away from his bladder. As it was, the only thing he could focus on was the ever-growing urge to relax his sphincters and let his urine flow. 

Abruptly, he pulled one of his feet up into the chair with him and rocked himself against it. This lessened the need somewhat, and he shut his eyes, trying to relax. He could hold it. He only had to wait until Mom exhausted herself too much, then he could rid himself of the pressure. When he opened his eyes again, Mom was looking at him more intently. 

“There will be no visits to the toilet,” Mom told him. “As I said, you are not leaving from this table until you do what I’ve asked.” 

River turned from her, a little too sharply as the motion sloshed all the pee filling up his bladder. “I wasn’t going to ask you for that,” he informed. He felt like adding ‘It’s your chair, if you want it pissed in, more power to you,’ but he didn’t want to admit to her that he DID have to go. “I don’t even need it.” 

His Mom just smiled at him. Well. More of a smirk. 

River, again, tried to understand. It was like she seemed to revel in his discomfort and misery. What kind of a mother did that? It was like she didn’t understand that he even HAD feelings. He didn’t know if she’d EVER considered that. As far as he understood it, from the second he was born she was making enormous choices for him without thinking about how he’d be affected by them.

For a while, the anger he had towards that woman worked as a suitable distraction from the ever growing pain in his pelvic region. It didn’t last, though. Soon the sharp pangs in his bladder were even stronger than his rage, and he was forced to bend forwards and cross his legs, thighs squeezing together hard. 

Mom didn’t seem to be dozing off… 

Sweat beaded up on River’s brow as he crossed his legs around in the opposite direction. 

*** 

Duncan had made an awful mistake again. He’d really thought he’d learned his lesson the first time he’d done this, but once more, he’d gone to bed without a quick before-sleep pee, and his bladder was now on the verge of rupture. He still didn’t feel up to going down the hall by himself in the dark, so he just had to hope that he either managed to wait until morning, or River woke up to accompany him. 

Duncan had actually managed to doze off a few times, his dreams pelting him with images of huge waterfalls, massive sprinkler systems, trickling hoses, and toilets… So many toilets. The last time he’d woken up had been just after he’d sat down on one, seconds before he’d been about to unleash his pee. A part of him wished that he HADN’T woken up just in time to avoid wetting the sheets. At least, if he’d peed in his sleep, River would understand, and he wouldn’t need to hold it anymore. 

He’d tried to fall BACK asleep and continue that dream. He wanted to be on that imaginary toilet again more than he thought he’d ever wanted anything. But, by that point, his bladder was hurting him so badly that he COULDN’T rest anymore. 

As much as he hated urinating anywhere that wasn’t toilet, he was starting to think it would be a good idea to keep a bottle in the bedroom for nights like this. He just needed to make sure it was a big one. He felt like he was holding a gallon. 

He looked at River sleeping beside him. River’s brow was furrowed, his face pinched, and Duncan thought maybe he was having a bad dream and wouldn’t mind being shaken awake to take Duncan to the restroom. Except, sometimes when Duncan got woken up in the middle of a nightmare now, he got pretty freaked out for the first several seconds. River would probably be the same way. 

Duncan would do his very best to hold it. 

He cupped his hands against his crotch, squeezing tightly. He wanted to give his cock a few strokes, even though nothing about his current predicament was turning him on. He just needed to get hard enough that nothing could leak out of him. He still hadn’t asked River if jerking off in the bed while he was asleep was okay, though. If River DID wake up and found Duncan pleasuring himself, he might react badly. 

So, Duncan stuck to just clutching and squirming. He rolled back and forth across his half of the bed, his eyes screwed shut and his teeth gnashing with furious need. His hands strained between his sweaty thighs, his chest shakily rose and fell with shallow, shuddering breaths. 

*** 

It had been almost two hours now, and River was still at the table. He needed to pee so badly that he could taste it. His eyes were welling up with tears brought on by the extreme pressure. His legs were scissoring beneath the table. He nibbled on his lip. He could no longer pretend that he didn’t need the bathroom, but that was no reason to give in. 

Honestly, he’d prefer having an accident at the kitchen table to being force-fed pills. If he peed his pants, then he’d just pee his pants… He’d feel gross and grimy until he got changed, and it would be a little embarrassing, but at most it would just be a half hour of clean-up and then he could move on. 

The pills were different. The pills caused drastic changes that took surgical intervention to undo, the pills made him feel awful every second of every day. The pills made him feel humiliated every time he looked in a mirror. The pills couldn’t be cleaned up and forgotten about. 

Really, the only reason he didn’t just deliberately piss himself now and get it over with was because he knew it would give Mom another reason to be angry at him, another thing to punish him for. He still wanted to hope that his bladder would outlast her.

But, since River’s desperation was now so painfully obvious, Mom seemed convinced that he’d break any minute now so he could have some relief. He wondered to himself if SHE would consider taking testosterone, growing a beard and getting a deep voice, in exchange for one, single piss. 

He doubted it. 

Maybe he should ask her that, though? Not the piss part, but the rest of it. ‘How would you feel if someone forced you to take testosterone?’ Maybe she’d understand then…

He gave it a try. 

His Mom just looked at him, wrinkling up her brow, as if what he’d just said was the most nonsensical thing she’d ever heard. “Why would anyone force me to take testosterone? I’m a woman.” 

It was like talking to a brick wall that all the other brick walls made fun of for its lack of listening skills. 

River squirmed in his seat. Aches careened through his abdomen and he felt a drip escape him. And then another. He gave in and put his hands against himself, wriggling into the needed pressure of his palms. He wondered what it would be like if he’d been born a normal guy. Or, barring that, if he’d at least been born to normal parents. He had to believe normal parents would ask him “Well, what do YOU want to do? It’s YOUR body.” He had to believe normal parents wouldn’t imprison him at a table and make him hold his bladder in an effort to torture him into obedience. 

His need was becoming kind of torturous though. One of the worst things about having a small bladder was having to feel it STRETCH out way earlier than anyone else would. He felt like it was shoving aside all of his other organs, felt like it was being pinched by his narrow hip-bones. He felt so bloated and full that he could barely stop himself from launching to his feet and running to the toilet on pure instinct. 

But, that thought gave him pause. Why DIDN’T he just leave? Was Mom going to pin him down physically? River thought he could take her in a fight, it was just his Dad that he couldn’t win against, and HE wasn’t there right now. Really, the only tool Mom had on him right now were her words and, seeing as how she didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything HE had to say, why should he give her that same courtesy? 

He started to stand, very gingerly, so as to not rock his bladder out of its precarious position. 

Mom stood up too, then leaned over the table, and smacked River hard across the face. “Sit. Down,” she growled. 

River was so stunned for a second that he didn’t feel the pee leaking into his pants until it began to roll down his legs. His Mom had never struck him in the face before… 

Tightening down his pelvic muscles, he took his seat once more. 

*** 

Duncan was laying on his front, his face in his pillow as he gnashed his teeth against it to keep from voicing aloud his suffering. His hands were pushed so tightly into his groin, nails digging into the sensitive area, that tears were springing to his eyes. He’d leaked. A lot. His pajama pants were cold and sticking to this thighs. He was trying once more to just go to sleep, he knew he’d piss the sheets if he did, but that was preferable to doing it while awake. Peeing the bed while unconscious was understandable, doing it while his eyes were blown wide open with panic wasn’t acceptable at all. 

To make matters worse, River was starting to move around a lot in his sleep, and that was causing the bed to shake, and THAT was causing Duncan’s bladder to get jostled around, and THAT was causing him to spring more and more leaks. As soon as he plugged one shut, another quickly began to trickle out and take its place. His teeth ground hard against the material of his pillowcase, sweat rolling off of him in sheets. 

He knew River was having a bad dream, he knew that was why he was moving around so much! He wanted to wake him up, to free River from his terror and HIMSELF from his absolutely horrific desperation. He knew better, he knew he couldn’t, he knew River would panic… 

‘Ahhhh, I have to goooo!’ Duncan thought, stricken by the sheer force of his agonizing need. No matter how many knots he tied himself up into, his pee just REFUSED to stay put. It kept seeping out, it kept dripping into his clutching hands, it kept re-heating all the cooling wet spots in his pants. 

He tried once more to talk himself into getting up and going to the toilet by himself. At this point, he wasn’t even sure if he could walk there without leaving a lake on the floor somewhere, but that hardly seemed to matter since he just couldn’t find the courage to even try. 

*** 

Another hour had passed at the table. It was well after midnight now. Mom seemed to be getting drowsy, but River couldn’t pay close enough attention to tell. He was sitting on top of his hands now, almost humping himself against them as he bounced and bounced and bounced. His legs were coiled together, his feet going numb from having to spend so long without proper blood-flow. He gnashed his teeth together, he fought back tears of pain. 

He refused to give in. 

Pissing, as amazing as it would feel to do, was NOT worth capitulating to his Mother’s horrific control. 

“You know, you really are acting like a child,” Mom said. “Look at this, you’re doing a potty-dance because you won’t stop throwing your little tantrum. You think this sort of behavior shows me you’re mature enough to make big decisions for yourself? It doesn’t.” 

River said nothing. No amount of reason would get through to her. There were zero combinations of words that would convince his Mom that anything about this was sick. He was done trying to understand her. He was done trying to understand how someone could look at their own child going through so much pain, and think that the correct thing to do would be to cause even more of it. She may have been his mother through biological happenstance, but she wasn’t his parent. A parent wouldn’t do this. 

Again, he fantasized to himself what it would be like to have normal parents. If a normal parent was about to give him the pills, they’d say what they were for. And, when River told them “But, I don’t want that,” a normal parent would say “Oh, I didn’t realize. You don’t have to take them.” If a normal parent saw him upset, saw him squirming and writhing and oh-so-desperate for the toilet, they’d say “Oh, do you need help walking to the bathroom?” And then they’d just… Take him there. They’d take him there and allow him to pee. 

River’s Mom wasn’t a parent. He didn’t even know what she was. 

He knew what he was, though. He was a man, a man that had been subjected to severe medical malpractice his entire life as his parents smiled along and kept it a secret. He was a man who hated the woman he was expected to call “Mom”. He was a man that had to pee so badly he could no longer see straight, and was on the verge of soaking his pants right there in the kitchen. And, he was a man who didn’t give a single fuck if he did that or not. 

He did not consciously choose to begin urinating. Truthfully, he DID fight it up until the very last second. But, when he felt that surge— The most powerful surge of need he’d ever suffered in his life— and piss erupted right out of his opening, hissing out for several seconds, that momentarily loss of control, those few glorious seconds where his flood-gates had been open and his muscles had been relaxed… They had felt so amazing to him that he just… Gave in. 

He gave in, he let the rest all come pouring out, he let his pants grow heavy, warm and wet as his piss gushed all through the material. He even let himself moan, because it just felt, so, so, so fucking good to finally go… His eyes shut, and he panted with glorious relief. 

Then, he heard a chair scraping against the floor, some shuffling, and the next thing he knew, he’d been knocked out of the chair, onto the floor. His eyes opened, and he was still pissing thunderously, sprawled on the ground in his puddle, his head and side throbbing from when he’d landed. And then, Mom started to kick him. Again and again, screaming at him that she’d never been so disgusted in her life. 

*** 

Duncan was still squirming around in bed, now laying on his back and thrusting his hips up against his clenching hands as he tried to quell the dribbles that continued to bead through his tip, when he heard the hiss of urine flowing through fabric. He panicked for a second, thinking he’d finally exploded, but he was still only losing it drop by drop. 

Which meant… He turned frantically, seeing River’s crotch darkening as he peed. He was still thrashing in the throes of his nightmare and, without thinking, Duncan started shaking him. “River, River! Wake up, you’re peeing! And— And you’re having a bad dream! Get up!” 

River’s eyes flew open, and his pupils dilated with fear for a second before the action taking place down below struck him. He grabbed his dick and managed to cut off his release. “Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…” he muttered, scissoring his legs. “I need a god damned—“ 

“I know, River!” Duncan said. “Me too! Hurry!” 

River launched himself out of bed and just started to run. The momentum was making him leak again, but he couldn’t slow down. He needed to be at the toilet NOW, taking any extra time getting there would leave him DRENCHED instead of just soggy. 

He heard Duncan whimpering and hobbling after him as he threw open the door to the bathroom. “Gotta piss, gotta piss, fuckfuckfuck…” River huffed. He tore down his pants and aimed blindly at the (thankfully already open) toilet, and immediately let go of a moan that barely managed to overpower the sound of his urine thunderously striking the water in the bowl. “Ohhhh…” 

Duncan finally caught up and, with some dismay, saw River had already claimed the toilet. He didn’t think he could ask River to clamp it off for a second while he sat down and parted his legs… He also didn’t think he could handle standing next to him, facing away from the door, in the middle of the night… 

Pee was oozing into his boxers at a rapid rate, seeing and hearing River pee was like having a cannonball launched into his bladder. 

River turned, saw Duncan, saw Duncan was desperate… Realized he hadn’t heard him clearly enough a minute ago. He’d heard him say “hurry”. He’d missed him saying “me too”. 

“I—I’m sorry, I’ll be fast, I—“ 

Tears welled up in Duncan’s eyes as more pee trickled from him. He was gonna have an accident, unless he… 

He shuddered. He hated using ANYTHING that wasn’t a toilet. He especially hated peeing in a spot where he was SUPPOSED to be getting clean. But, he needed somewhere to let it flow that wasn’t his pants… 

He tore down his bottoms and hobbled over to the tub, the second he was seated over its ledge, he was gushing out a ferocious stream. It rattled against the side of the tub, pouring into the basin and ripping a great groan of relief from Duncan’s lips. “Ahhhh…..” 

River had watched him the whole time (Inadvertently screwing up his aim and pissing on the rim of the bowl for a second since he’d looked away.) He hadn’t expected Duncan to do that, but was happy he’d found a solution. The two kept spraying and gasping with pleasure. River shuddered as his poor bladder deflated, and Duncan shut his eyes and tipped his head backwards to moan, pee erupting from his bladder like a pin-hole poked into a water-balloon. 

River finished first, and wiped off the splatter of urine from the bowl. He tucked his cock back away and stood with his hands on his knees, panting and out of breath. 

Duncan kept peeing for almost another whole minute before he was finally down to just a dribble, which took another several seconds to stop entirely. Blearily, he blinked his eyes back open, and remembered he’d been urinating into the tub this whole time. He shook again, but not from relief. How could he have done something so gross? 

He rose from the ledge and pulled his clammy pants back on, turned and looked at the puddle slowly heading down into the drain. It was enormous. No wonder Duncan had been in enough pain to start crying. “I’m sorry…” Duncan said. 

“For what?” River asked. “I’m the one that should have waited for you!” 

“I— I peed… In the…” 

“Yeah,” River said. “You pissed in the tub. Everybody pees in the shower… I mean, normally with the water ON, but—“ 

“I don’t!” Duncan said. “I— I’ve only done it once, and it was an accident because I couldn’t hold it anymore! I’m not supposed to pee in the tub, it’s dirty, and—“ 

“Well, this time was sort of an accident too, right?” River reasoned. “You couldn’t hold it anymore, could you?” 

Duncan shook his head. “It was coming out…” 

“See? I know you wouldn’t make a mess normally, this was just an emergency… Run the water for a bit, and it’ll all get washed right down the drain.” 

“O—Okay…” Duncan flicked the tub on. “You were having a bad dream before,” he said. 

“I was,” River agreed. 

“About The Organization?” 

“No, this one was about my Mom,” River said. 

“Oh… So, was it, like, a memory?” 

“Yeah. I guess since I had to piss like crazy, I was remembering a time where I wet my pants.” 

“Your Mom made you?” 

“Pretty much,” River said. He explained the dream to Duncan, how his Mom had kept him at the table until he agreed to continue taking Estrogen, how he’d held his bladder until it became too much, how his accident had prompted Mom to beat him. “That’s the part where you woke me up at, guess when I started pissing in the dream, I was pissing for real.” 

“Your Mom sounds awful…” Duncan said, unsure what else he could offer by way of comfort. He gave River a hug anyway, hoped that would help. “I mean, I already knew she was bad, since she put you… There. But, I never thought about what it would have been like to live with her for so long.” 

“In some ways, when she kicked me out, it was a relief,” River admitted. “It was really hard, but at least I didn’t have to see her anymore.” 

“I’m sorry all of that happened to you,” Duncan said. “You didn’t deserve it.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” River hugged him. “I’m happy now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. You… It feels incredible to be loved by someone, Duncan. Thank you for letting me have that.” 

Duncan fought not to tear up. “Thank you, too,” he said. “I never thought… That someone could make me so happy.” He turned and switched off the tub, all the evidence of his little ‘indiscretion’ was gone now. “Um… Can I ask you something?” 

“What?” 

“Two times now, I’ve forgotten to go pee before bed and then been too scared to go by myself, so can you remind me every night from now on?” 

“I can try,” River promised. 

He opened the door. Hugo was standing there, looking one part groggy and two parts squirmy. He blinked his eyes a few times. “What were you two doing in here?” 

“W—We both had to go to the bathroom, and it’s scary to walk around alone at night,” Duncan said. 

“Why’d you have the tub running?” Hugo asked. “That… Wasn’t the most fun thing to listen to.” 

“Uhhh…” Duncan wriggled his feet nervously. 

“Duncan got to the toilet before me,” River cut in. “And, there wasn’t enough room for me to go too, and I couldn’t wait… I ended up using the shower. I’m sorry.” 

“I guess if you washed it out afterwards, then that’s fine,” Hugo said. “Everyone does it…”

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River was so god damned mad at himself, and he swore that the fury scorching his veins was making the gallon of piss trapped inside his tank come to a simmer. If he wet his pants— which seemed quite likely now— he wouldn’t be surprised if steam billowed out all around him. 

He was angry at the door near his feet, he was angry at the stupid, old, worn-out, dry springs that refused to budge. He was angry that there wasn’t any oil up here that could fix the springs.

He was angry at his bladder for being so fucking tiny. He was angry at himself for coming up into the cabin’s attic in the first place, but especially for doing it without using the restroom first. He was angry that, after he’d gotten up here, he’d decided to shut the door behind him.

He was just so fucking angry! 

River had been trying to do something nice for Hugo! Hugo had gone out to deliver some stuff, and there was furniture in the work-room that still hadn’t been painted. River had intended to surprise him by painting it all FOR him while he was gone— River had intended to show Hugo he was still… Still WORTH something even if everything scared him now! 

So, he’d gone up to the attic to get the paints— Something that he, Hugo and Duncan had ALL done lots of times before, but THIS time the door wouldn’t come back open, and now he was trapped with a VERY full bladder. He couldn’t even yell for help because Hugo still wasn’t back home, and Duncan… 

Duncan was stuck up here WITH him. 

This was both a blessing and a curse. River knew he’d probably be freaking the Hell out if he was TRAPPED somewhere by himself, so he was glad to have somebody beside him. But, Duncan was ALSO the reason that River hadn’t yet made THOROUGH use of one of the empty paint containers piled in the corner yet. 

Because, Duncan ALSO had to go extremely badly, and for some reason he was really, REALLY against relieving himself up here. Unwilling to subject Duncan to the sight and sound of him gushing out his torrent, River resolved to hold it in as well. His bladder did not approve of his decision in the slightest, and made its own thoughts known very clearly with a never-ending series of sharp, pounding throbs that by now had left River kneeling down on the floor, rocking hard against his foot. 

If it wasn’t for what happened last night, River may have had fewer qualms about draining himself into the container while Duncan continued waiting. He may have been better able to write it off as simply ‘Well, that’s Duncan’s own decision, isn’t it?’ But, the events of last night HAD transpired, River HAD accidentally forced Duncan to endure the sight of him flooding the toilet as his own bladder screamed. River HAD accidentally made Duncan release his waters into the bathtub which— For whatever reason— had made him very uncomfortable and ashamed. 

If River peed, he would upset Duncan one way or another. Either Duncan would have to fight not to let the sound of River’s relief squeeze his bladder too severely, or he’d have to give in and use a container himself. Both would be unpleasant for him, so River would wait. 

Holy shit was it hard to wait, though… 

Duncan had not told River to hold it out of solidarity with him. In fact, he’d told River the exact opposite a few times now. “YOU can still go, if you have to,” he kept saying. “I’m just not comfortable doing it up here, but I don’t mind if YOU do.” 

Still, River had insisted that he wouldn’t make Duncan watch and listen to that. “You’re having a rough enough time already, I don’t want to make it worse.” 

Duncan couldn’t honestly argue with that, either. He WAS having a really rough time. Like River, he hadn’t peed before coming up here— Thinking it would have been a two minute trip at the most— But, unlike River, he’d also drank three bottles of water today and had ALREADY been feeling the after-affects of those as he’d climbed the ladder to the attic. Even if his bladder was larger than River’s was, he had a feeling it was just as full. 

In the half hour since they’d discovered they were stuck, Duncan had alternated between pacing around in circles and bending double at the waist as he hopped up and down. With as much jiggling and moving as he and River were doing, they probably wouldn’t NEED to yell for help when they heard Hugo get home, he’d be able to hear them squirming just fine. 

Duncan’s need was so acute that he felt it blazing all the way up to the tip of his cock. That feeling resulted in drip after drip of hot piss seeping into his boxers. As soon as one had dribbled out, another would bead up to take its place. It was like he was having the world’s slowest accident. He kept squeezing his dick, mashing the flat of his palm hard against his opening, but pee still kept breaking free. 

The thing was, he actually WANTED to use a container. The thought of unzipping and letting it out somewhere— ANYWHERE— was enough to make Duncan’s eyes burn with tears of longing. But, every time he nearly made himself say “I can’t take it anymore, let’s just go!” Something would pull him back. As he’d experienced during both of his and River’s recent outings, Duncan’s throat constricted, his jaw went tight, and his body just refused to let him speak. 

He knew it wasn’t fear this time, because River was one of the few things in his world that DIDN’T scare him now. Instead, Duncan’s reluctance to talk came from shame; One of the most pure, most visceral senses of shame he’d ever felt. 

River, meanwhile, was trying to distract himself from the pounding pressure overwhelming his senses. With nothing up here apart from empty or full containers of paint, and Duncan clearly not in the mood to talk, River had some trouble doing that. He replayed scenes from his favorite mangas in his imagination, but this only lasted so long. Eventually, he was making a mental list of all the times he’d seen a manga character pee, or mention needing to pee, or just go into a bathroom for any reason. When he started to recall one he’d read with a very detailed illustration of the main character emptying his bladder, River gave up and tried to think of something else— Something that he couldn’t even KIND OF relate to urination. 

River had trouble letting his mind wander just in general, though. The longer he was alone with his thoughts, the more likely he’d start replaying memories of events whose only redeeming factor was that they were over. He’d remember the Organization, or he’d remember being homeless, or his parents, and then he’d be left feeling sad, scared and… Also this weird pressure inside his chest and stomach, like he was being crushed by an anvil, and couldn’t tell if he was about to suffocate or throw up. 

Of course, his mind DID eventually turn to these sorts of memories, because it ALWAYS did eventually. And, given his present circumstances, it was only inevitable that he’d start remembering things about peeing. Pleading for his Mom to stop the car somewhere because his bladder couldn’t last another second, the humiliation when she told him no, when she ordered him to hold it, when she said that begging made him seem like a toddler. Struggling not to pee in his seat at school because he was taking a test and wasn’t allowed to leave the room until he was done. Desperately searching for somewhere private and safe to empty out in the middle of the night when he was homeless. 

Then, he remembered the time with Organization. During one of his days there, he had been sent into a room that contained nothing but a single table. The table had been empty, apart from the revolver resting in its center. His task was simple, he needed to put the gun to his head and pull the trigger, then he was to point it at the ceiling and pull it again. Half of the chambers contained bullets, and the other half was empty. It was a sick, single-player round of Russian Roulette, he had a fifty-fifty chance of ending his own life. 

Over the course of a very tense few minutes, River had fired several bullets into the ceiling and none into himself. He’d gotten lucky. But, the final time he needed to rest the barrel of the revolver against his temple, just as his finger started to squeeze down, something else squeezed as well. He suddenly needed to piss worse than he’d ever needed it before in his life. He only had a fraction of a second to acknowledge that before his floodgates slammed wide open and a torrent of liquid gushed out into his pants. 

He pulled the trigger. The chamber had been empty. He shot the final bullet into the ceiling and stood there in a terrified daze, his pee still hissing out of him and spreading out into a huge puddle around his feet. 

Now, recalling this, River shook, and the hands wrapped around his dick squeezed down harder. “Mmmmfff….” 

“Y—You okay?” Duncan asked, voice trembling as much as his tense thighs were. 

“Just… I started thinking about when I peed my pants… there…” 

“Th—That was okay,” Duncan said. “Most people would have wet themselves if that had happened to them… If— If it’s making you think about bad stuff, you should probably just go now.” 

“N—No,” River said. “That would be unfair, and I’m sure Hugo will be home soon to help us out.” He curled up on himself more, now in a tight, little ball. Both his hands and one of his feet were pressing firmly into his groin, his breath was choppy and shuddering. 

“You don’t have to do thi—“ 

“I’m fine,” River said. “I— I’ve been m—more desperate before…” 

Duncan watched River twitch and squirm on the floor. He was beginning to feel really awful. This was happening because HE wouldn’t urinate into an empty container, because HE was unable to banish away his shame and do it. If he just said “Okay, I’ll go too,” and then did it, River wouldn’t be in so much pain. He wanted to help River, he wanted to get over his embarrassment and make River feel better. Beyond that, Duncan also wanted to pee. Really, really badly. 

He tried to say “Actually, I think I’ll be okay peeing here after all!” But, then he felt a shooting stab of need tear down his length, which was punctuated by a burst of liquid squirting into his boxers, and suddenly the hands clutching his dick started to move against it instead, and— Ah— Fuck— He wasn’t even alone here! He told his hands to go still, to stop caressing. Yes, getting hard would make this easier to hold in, but River was HERE, so he couldn’t— 

Ultimately, what finally came out of Duncan’s mouth was “Y—You know something that helps me?” 

Fucking Hell, what was he doing!? The only reason he wasn’t flooding a container right now was because he felt too ashamed to do it, telling River about THIS ‘habit’ was probably even worse! 

“H—Huh?” River asked, blearily looking up at him. Sweat was rolling down his face in sheets, blurring his vision. He couldn’t move either of his hands to wipe his eyes, though. 

Well, now Duncan was stuck. “Uh… If I… If I touch myself…” he said. “If I… kinda jerk off, when I need to pee, then I can hold it longer, since— I— You know— If I’m hard, I can’t pee.” 

River reddened. “Er… You… Asking me permission…?” He guessed. “Go ahead, I guess… If that’s what works for you.” 

Duncan hadn’t been asking River for permission. Really, he wasn’t sure WHAT he’d been asking, but if River didn’t mind, then he was going to do it. He allowed his hands to resume their work, gently roaming over his crotch. He stuck one inside his pants to stroke himself properly. The instant he made contact, the instant his dick started to twitch and come alive, Duncan finally started to think about something OTHER than peeing. 

This was… Sort of… REALLY hot… Playing with himself with River right there, able to watch him do it. Knowing River’s eyes were on him as he fondled his cock made Duncan’s erection grow to full-mast in record time. He started to mewl and whimper needfully, unzipping his now way too tight pants to better pleasure himself. “Ooof…. Mmmm…” All too quickly, Duncan felt the tingling pressure of a rapidly approaching orgasm and needed to force himself to slow it back down. If he came, he’d piss himself, he knew that for a fact. 

River was watching him, and the sight of it was making HIM think about peeing a little less, too. Duncan’s eyes were drawn closed, his body sweaty as his hands pumped away. Those little huffing moans were making River’s body all flushed and heated. He suddenly had a weird feeling, one that he absolutely didn’t recognize. He didn’t think he’d ever encountered it before, and he really, really wanted to… to… do… something. He just wasn’t sure what. He just knew he wanted to do it REAL bad, and he wanted to do it RIGHT now. 

And he didn’t think that thing was ‘go pee’, either. 

But, that was why Duncan was doing that to himself, right? Just to help keep his pee in? Not to make River feel… This? “D—Does that really help you hold it?” 

“Yeah…” Duncan breathed. “Just gotta be careful not to cum, which isn’t easy…” 

River wouldn’t know. He’d never cum before in his life. He had no idea what it was like, if there was any warning beforehand, if there was a way to stop it from happening. He honestly just didn’t think he COULD have an orgasm. When he’d had his phalloplasty, all the doctors had said he’d ‘maintain his ability to climax’ afterwards, but seeing as he’d never seemed to HAVE that ability to start with, he hadn’t thought much about it 

“You should try it,” Duncan said suddenly. That would be the only thing that would make this hotter for him, if River started jacking off right here in front of him, bringing himself right to that edge the same way he was. “Once you’re hard, you probably won’t be able to pee, it will help.” 

River shook his head, blushing. If he fondled and stroked himself like Duncan was, he wouldn’t get an erection no matter how long he kept it up. There was more to it for him than just that. He COULD get hard, he could do it right here, and maybe it would even make his bladder easier to hold, but there was… Just, this whole different process to it for him, and he didn’t know if he wanted Duncan to see, he was scared it would freak him out, he was scared it would look too weird to him. 

Duncan tried not to look disappointed. If River wasn’t ready to do that in front of him, that was okay. He really would have enjoyed watching, though. “Ah, alright,” he said, continuing to stroke. He kept it up for a while longer, but then the unbearable need to pee came back in all its horrible glory, and his bladder started to hurt a little too much for his dick to stay hard. He went back to simply squeezing it, attempting to prevent his flood by just closing off its exit pathway. 

River noticed and was… Kind of sad that the show was apparently over. “Did it stop working?” 

“I— I need to go too badly now,” Duncan admitted. “Not easy for me to stay hard when something’s hurting.” 

“It’s hurting?” River asked, forcing himself to look up more to stare at Duncan’s face. His taut skin pulled harshly around his aching midsection, and he felt a leak of his urine seeping out of him. He was sure it wasn’t his first spill, just the first one he’d noticed. 

Duncan shifted his hips and wrapped his legs together, winding them in a firm knot. “Yeah…” 

River frowned. The throbs in his own bladder had been bordering on agonizing for quite some time now. But, he was used to being in pain. He didn’t want Duncan to suffer, though. “You really should go, then… Just— Just use a container. We can both go, it will be—“

“I… I just… I don’t like peeing in—“ 

“I know,” River said. “You always want an actual bathroom, or at least a bush, I guess… Y—You were okay using the bottle when you were staying in bed, though…” 

Duncan nodded. He HAD been perfectly okay with that. For some reason, the shame hadn’t even registered. Then again, all he’d been able to feel during those awful days was his fear. There was no room in him for abashment. When he’d flooded that bottle again and again, he hadn’t even ONCE remembered the— 

“Ah—“ Duncan doubled over, mashing his hands into his groin even harder, but failing to impede the hissing gush from snaking down his inner thigh. “I— I shouldn’t pee in— I need to— I have to wait until—“ 

“I—It’s okay!” River admonished him. “You were telling ME all this time to just go. You know that I’ll pee with you up here, so you don’t need to feel all—“ 

“It’s not— It’s—“ Duncan stammered. “I just— What if Hugo—“ 

“Gets mad because you pissed in something he was going to throw out…?” River asked. 

“Nnnh,” Duncan whined, folding even further in half. “I just can’t, River! I need to keep it in— YOU can go, but I—“ 

“Are you… Shy?” River guessed. This didn’t make much sense, because Duncan had gone in front of him before. “We can go in separate corners, so I don’t see…” 

“That’s not it!” Duncan said. “I— I— You— I’ve told you about how I used to go to that s—super fancy boarding school, r—right?” 

“Yeah,” River said. He adjusted his hold on his crotch, now pinching his tip shut more aggressively than he’d been a moment ago. He hoped that once Duncan had said whatever he needed to say, he’d agree to pee in the container. He also hoped this story wasn’t too long, for the sake of his own ailing bladder. 

“Well… There was this one day where I… I don’t know, River, I needed to pee SO bad, I was starting to have an accident, and the line for the toilet was super, super long… And I just… I was wetting my pants, it was already coming out, I had to— I just needed somewhere. I tried to get to another bathroom, but the next one had an even bigger line, and I couldn’t make it to another, I— I had never needed to go that badly before, it was an emergency. I— I ran into a supply closet, because I thought there had to be something in there I could use. There was something, and the light was off so I couldn’t really tell what it was, I just knew I could… I knew I could go in it, so I did. But, before I was done, the door opened and one of my teachers was there, and now that there was light I realized I was… I was peeing in this really old, expensive vase that was, like, super important to the school’s history, or something. I—“ 

“The paint buckets aren’t important to anybody,” River said, bucking urgently into the pressure of his palms. “Hugo’s gonna throw ‘em out.” 

“I know but… Everyone at the school was so mad at me,” Duncan said. “I kept saying that I just wasn’t paying attention, I was having an accident and just went in the first place I thought I could. But, they thought I’d done it as a prank, and the headmaster yelled at me for over an hour, and made me call my parents so they could yell at me too, and I had to write this whole apology essay and read it to everyone in my class, and—“ 

“But, again,” River said. “The paint buckets aren’t important, and no one will care if you pee in one.” 

“It’s not—“ Duncan’s hands momentarily clutched his member a little tighter as he started to stomp his feet urgently. “Every time I go somewhere… That I shouldn’t… I just— I remember that, and I get all embarrassed.” 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed this time,” River said. “It’s just us. You have to pee. MY kidneys are floating. Let’s just go, alright? Both of us. It will be fine.” 

“O—Okay…” Duncan said. “You… You first? Is that alright?” 

“Duncan, I am basically exploding. Of course that’s alright,” River gave a tiny laugh, but immediately his eyes widened. The two could hear a small, high-pitched hiss and they both knew who it had come from. “I— Ah— I don’t think I can get up, so can you go grab a container for me? Like, really, REALLY fast?” 

Duncan did so, retrieving one from the corner and setting it in front of River. By the time he’d gotten back with it, River was already unzipped, his cock out, hand squeezing it closed. Nevertheless, a pale yellow drip was hanging off of it. As soon as the container was placed before him, River leaned forwards and let his dick dangle over it. Immediately, the rattle of liquid flooding against metal was heard, and River released a low, slow moan. “Ohhhhh… Yeahhhhh…” 

The gush of River’s faucet was too much for Duncan, and he began to hurriedly pull his dick out of his still unzipped pants. “Sc—Scooch over a little…” He grunted out, kneeling beside his boyfriend. 

River did, and then a second stream was crashing into the large bucket. Duncan hoped it would prove to be big enough to hold both of them. “Ahhhhh…” he sighed happily. He actually DIDN’T feel that same weight of painful embarrassment this time. All he felt was relief, all he felt was warmth. He thought it helped a lot that River was doing this too, it helped a lot that River had told him this was okay. 

They continued to pee, both of them panting and moaning, trying to regain their breath now that all of their energy didn’t have to go towards holding it in. As ever, River’s release was the first to end, and he leaned back to give Duncan more room as he finished up, which he did about half a minute later. 

Now that both of them had been wrung dry, the once empty paint-bucket was filled beyond its half-way point with at least a liter of urine. Duncan leaned back as well, another massive sigh falling from his lips as he fumbled himself back into his pants and zipped them up. 

The noise reminded River that his own zipper was still down and, blushing, he moved to correct that. “Feel better now?” River asked. 

“Yeah…” Duncan said. 

“Not too embarrassed about needing to do that?” 

“No,” Duncan assured. “I’m okay now, since you did it too. Thank you.” 

“Hey, you don’t need to thank me,” River said. “Trust me, it was my pleasure.” 

When Hugo got home and was able to help them back out of the attic, Duncan was worried again that he’d be in trouble for what he’d done to the container. But, just as River had promised, Hugo didn’t mind.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Written for the 12 Days of Omo prompt, "While Baking".

***

River, Duncan and Hugo couldn’t cook. At all. River could manage instant stuff— TV dinners, ramen, bacon… So long as the process was ‘just stick this into something until it’s hot enough’ he could do it. But, anything with actual steps, actual ingredient preparation… He couldn’t do it at all. It had to be simple and fast, or else River would find SOME way to ruin it. When Hugo had first started getting sick, River had tried to prepare a steak for him. Somehow, he’d managed to burn the insides of it while leaving the outside completely frozen— Which Hugo had said was “almost impressive”.

River had just never had a chance to learn how to cook, though. Growing up, his parents had insisted knives and ovens were too dangerous for a kid, which he supposed was understandable. Then, they’d kicked him out as a teenager and his meals consisted of whatever he could find in dumpsters, or fast food burgers if he was lucky. Next, he’d moved in with Hugo, a man who ALSO had no idea of how to cook, which made any attempt at learning into an exercise in futility. And, back then, both of them had been too busy going out and DOING stuff to learn a new skill.

River wasn’t going out and doing ANYTHING anymore… But, that could have silver linings. He had lots of time on his hands, lots of time to learn how to do something new. Maybe he could finally figure out how to prepare something edible that DIDN’T come straight out of a package.

River had been feeling rather useless lately. Getting terrified during his first real outing, getting sick right after, his newfound urinary difficulties… He used to be utterly self-sufficient, and now he couldn’t even take a leak by himself!

Hugo kept telling him over and over that he WASN’T useless now. “You still help me make the furniture in the workroom— THAT part is way more important than coming with me to deliver it. And, you comfort Duncan all the time, you give BOTH of us company, and— For God’s sake, River, if it weren’t for you, the Cancer would have killed me! You saved my life, and if YOU’RE the one who needs to be taken care of now, that’s fine.”

But… River wasn’t SUPPOSED to be taken care of. That was the problem. He’d been on his own since he was sixteen… He’d handled EVERYTHING himself. He’d scavenged for food, patched up his clothes, fought battles ALL by himself. Now suddenly feeling so needy, so desperate for protection… This wasn’t how he was SUPPOSED to be.

So, if he could just learn to do something new for himself, he was sure he’d start feeling less like a clingy, dependent little child.

Christmas was coming up soon. It would be his first one since the Organization, and he knew it was bound to feel different. Even if he’d basically skipped Christmas a few years in the past, this was still going to feel different. It would be his first one with Duncan too, though. His first Christmas where he had a boyfriend.

And his boyfriend was going to be struggling this Christmas just much as he was… He didn’t know how Duncan had spent the holiday in the past, but he was sure he must have actually gone somewhere— At the least, he hadn’t spent it feeling scared and anxious.

River wanted to make this Christmas feel as normal as possible, and one of the things he remembered from when he was little were Christmas cookies. Those couldn’t be TOO hard to make, right? He could bake some and share them with Duncan and Hugo, and then Christmas could be sort of normal and River could feel sort of useful!

River was determined to do this entirely on his own— He shouldn’t need anyone’s help with something so simple! First, he needed to find a recipe. In the past, this would have been very easy to do; He would just need to go online and search for one. But, he no longer had Internet access. The Organization was very tech-literate, and even so, tracing a person’s location through the Internet wasn’t difficult, it happened all the time. Going online was too risky when a group of violent killers desperately wanted to know where he was hiding.

Of course, recipes were being shared way before the Internet existed. He just needed a cookbook, but there weren’t any in the cabin. Come to think of it, there probably weren’t any cookie ingredients here, either. That evening, he asked Hugo to buy him those things— Which, he told himself again and again, was NOT the same thing as asking for help. He was STILL going to make the cookies by himself, he just needed someone else to get the stuff for him.

A few days later, River had everything he needed. Hugo had gone out to get more furniture building supplies, and Duncan was resting in bed. Hopefully, once Duncan woke up, River would have a batch of delicious cookies waiting for him.

River opened the used cookbook Hugo had bought, and found instructions for making sugar cookies. He could understand most of the ingredients, like flour eggs, vanilla and sugar. But, some confused him. First of all, he had no idea what margarine was. Second, he couldn’t figure out why a sweet recipe would call for salt. But, he LIKED salt and was always craving it, so he wouldn’t skip it.

He looked into the fridge and pantries to confirm Hugo had gotten everything, and he had— Apparently margarine was basically just butter? Why did it need a fancy name?

First, he was supposed to mix the ‘dry’ ingredients into a bowl. He didn’t know which those were, so he just guessed and hoped he’d gotten it right. He poured in a lot of flower— More than he’d intended to, because when he’d tried to open the bag he’d accidentally ripped it a little down the side, and then when he’d held it over the bowl, a lot of it had come rushing out.

Worried that this would make the cookies come out too dry, he thought maybe he should… put in… extra eggs? Maybe? Eggs were wet, sort of…

He added baking powder, and then the salt. Since he liked salt so much, he put in a few extra shakes. And after that he was supposed to put the sugar and the margarine into another bowl, with the vanilla and the eggs. He was able to handle the first three things just fine, but then he realized he’d never actually cracked open an egg before. He’d just never cared much for their flavor unless they were cooked into something.

On his first attempt, he smacked the egg against the bowl too hard, and its contents all spilled onto the counter as its shell disintegrated. So, he tried to go more slowly with the next one, but then he’d barely made a dent in it. When he’d tried to pull it open the rest of the way by hand, bits of the shell ended up in the yolk, and he couldn’t use that one either.

It took him three more tries before he was able to actually add an egg to the mixture, and then another two tries before he could add a second. Finally, he poured that bowl into the first one with the flour and mashed it all together with his hands until it sort of started to look like dough. He put the mixture into the fridge to cool off, and felt very proud. He was finally doing things for himself again! He was certain the cookies would turn out great!

As River waited for the dough to chill, he realized how thirsty he’d gotten and had a couple glasses of water while he sat on the couch and read some of his manga. He was so excited to see Hugo’s reaction when he found out River had actually cooked something! He kept thinking about that as he retrieved the dough from the fridge and rolled it out. It was a whole lot stiffer than it had looked, and it was hard to press down on it enough that it actually went flat.

Then it struck him that he’d forgotten something. He didn’t have any cookie cutters. He’d been imagining himself presenting Hugo and Duncan with little Christmas tree shaped treats, but without anything to cut them out with, he was just going to end up with this big, flat disk…

The only things he had that could possibly slice through the dough were the knives. He didn’t think he could cut decent looking trees with those, but he gave it a try anyway. He mostly wound up with jagged triangles that varied drastically in size. A few were just random shapes that didn’t resemble anything from this planet. He reminded himself that they’d STILL taste good no matter how awful they looked. He got them onto a tray and checked the recipe book again to see how to bake them.

It told him the temperature to set the oven at, but NOT how long to cook them for— He hadn’t noticed earlier, but the corner of the page had been torn. He had no IDEA how long the cookies were supposed to stay in the oven for. Did he just have to guess…? No, that was a terrible idea. If he kept them in there for too long, they’d burn to a crisp— He could even set the cabin on fire! Guessing would NOT work.

Instead, he’d just stand there and WATCH them cook, and… And check on them every couple minutes until it looked like they were ready. That was a MUCH better idea!

He decided not to set the oven to 375 degrees like the book said, that sounded like it would cook them super fast, faster than he’d be able to react to. 100 degrees would do fine, probably. It would just take longer, but he’d have the time to really gauge how they were coming along. He set the cookies inside and closed the door. He could sort of see them through it, but he was still going to need to open it to really get an idea of how it was working out.

River watched the clock on the wall, and once a minute had gone by, he opened the door. He was immediately blasted in the face with heat, and the cookies looked completely raw, so he swiftly closed it. River was about to grab another glass of water, when a nudge inside his belly warned him not to.

Whoa, when had THAT happened? River hadn’t felt the urgency creeping up on him, but now he was acutely aware of a rapidly building need to pee. The humming in his midsection was enough to make him tense his thighs. Just great. The SECOND he was no longer able to leave the kitchen, River suddenly realized that he actually had to be in the bathroom instead.

This was fine. He doubted the cookies would take THAT long to bake, he could definitely hold it, no matter how uncomfortable he may feel doing so. When another minute ticked by, he opened the oven again and, frowning, closed it when the bits of dough still had yet to form into something that appeared edible.

The main issue now was that, since all River was doing was standing around and waiting, he had little else to think about other than his bladder. Thinking about needing to pee was always a guaranteed way to ensure that he’d have to do it a whole lot worse. He considered running back to the couch to get his manga, just so he’d have something to focus on that wasn’t his bladder. But, what if the cookies burned in the minute it took him to grab it? Or, he got too absorbed in it and forgot about them?

The oven right now needed his complete, undivided attention. It was bad enough that he had his bladder as a distraction from his task, he didn’t need anything else. Wow, his bladder was a MAJOR distraction, though. He was crossing his legs against sharp spasms before too much time had passed.

He cursed himself for those two big glasses of water. Whatever had he been thinking? He knew how small his bladder was, he knew all that fluid would flush through his system quickly. He just hadn’t known that he’d get trapped in the kitchen. His middle ached with cramps. To get to the toilet, he’d just have to go back through the living room and around a corner. It was so close! It would take him less than a minute to get there, unzip his fly and rid himself of all the water he’d stupidly consumed.

But, a minute was probably long enough for the cookies to char into hard, black disks. He told himself to hold it and opened the oven door a crack once more. Still didn’t look ready… He fought back a groan that surely would have woken Duncan up as he stumbled backwards and bobbed on his heels. He swore he could hear the fluid sloshing when he moved. It could have been his imagination, supplying sound-effects to the awful feelings of his pee bouncing around in his bladder, but it sounded so real he thought it could be genuine.

“Shit…” River breathed out, leaning into the counter and gripping its edges. “Shitshitshit…” for some reason, muttering curses to himself was taking the edge off of his need. He crossed his legs, ankles and knees joining together to fight the waves of urine knocking at his exit. “I need a fucking piss, fuuuck…”

He told himself he was being overly dramatic. He’d been WAY more desperate than this before, and he’d made it out fine. The day in the woods had been atrocious, then that awful ride home from the mall, and he’d very nearly exploded the morning the bathroom door hadn’t come open. All of those times, he’d managed to hold it… Mostly. He’d hold it again today, he hadn’t even sprung any leaks yet!

As if he’d tempted fate with that thought, a powerful surge welled up inside of him and, before he could react, he felt heat slick its way down his length and then dot his boxers. He released his hands from the counter and flung them between his legs instead in one quick motion. “Ahhh— No, come on… Christ’s sake, River, you can’t fucking piss your damn pants in your own house!” He curled over on himself, squeezing tightly. “Toilet’s right around the corner, get a fucking hold of yourself!”

His hands tightened themselves around his dick, reminding him that he already HAD gotten a hold of himself and that it wasn’t helping as much as he’d like for it to. He let himself stay there in his cramped, huddled position for a few more seconds, before he made himself slowly hobble forwards to the oven again. He opened the door, saw that the cookies were starting to change color and get darker, which he took as a sign that he was nearing the end of his torment. “Hurry…” he mumbled. “Hurry up, I need to go piss so fucking badly…”

He inched away from the oven, and when his bladder gave another agonizing lurch and he felt something inside him starting to go terrifyingly loose, River dropped onto the floor and pushed his foot hard into his groin. He wrapped his hand around his foot, pressing against it more desperately, wriggling his hips and doing his best to think of something that was very, very dry.

“Oooh… Fuckfuckfuck… I gotta—“ River bit down hard on his lip. “Pr—Pretend you’re in a desert…” he huffed out, exhaling heavy, choppy breaths. “Th—There hasn’t been water here in— In fifty years, s—so nobody ever needs a piss… Th—They don’t know what pissing is here. Pissing is a myth, and you don’t gotta do it…” His nonsensical babbling did nothing to sway his bladder, did nothing to convince it that it wasn’t actually over-stretched and coming apart at its seams. Another drip seeped out to heat the area around his dick. “Don’t gotta go…” he muttered. “Don’t gotta go… Don’t gotta go…”

He kept rocking back and forth. He kept chanting to himself that he didn’t actually need to use the restroom. He kept trying his hardest to convince himself that if he just SAID it enough times, the liquid inside of him would miraculously vanish and he would no longer have to endure its pleas for freedom.

He even started trying to think of some way he could empty himself without leaving the kitchen— A way that didn’t involve just giving up and soaking his pants. There were the bowls he’d used to mix the dough, they were pretty big. They would be MORE than enough to contain everything River was holding back.

He dragged himself back onto his feet. Now incapable of standing up all the way, he waddled half-hunched over back to the oven. He opened it slightly, the cookies were just starting to crisp. A few more minutes, and he was sure they’d be ready. But, a few more minutes was something River’s bladder didn’t have.

He jiggled his way to the counter where he’d left the bowls. They still had some residue left over from all the ingredients, and he momentarily wondered if the baking powder would react to his piss in any way. ‘Will it fizz up, like with vinegar?’ Not that it mattered, River was about to relieve himself and he was going to feel so wonderful…

He set the bowl down on the floor and unzipped, freeing his member before crouching down over the bowl. A little drop was already collecting at his tip, it plinked into the bowl and he shut his eyes, inhaling deeply, telling his muscles that it was time to let it all go.

No sooner had he started to trickle and the first sensations of relief were massaging through his abdomen, did River have to clench up and STOP everything.

“River…?” Duncan yawned. “What are you doing?”

River’s eyes flew open at the exact same time his floodgates slammed shut. His bladder burned with the need to keep emptying, but Duncan was standing RIGHT there at the entrance to the kitchen, staring as River held his dick over a big bowl crusted with dough, staring as droplets of impossible to hold urine fell into it… “I— I have to go really, really bad…” River said, as if that was both NOT incredibly obvious and actually a decent explanation.

“We have a toilet, remember?”

River squeezed down hard on his cock, trying to keep anything else from coming out. Having to stop mid-flow like that had sent his body into such a major frenzy that, in spite of his embarrassment, he refused to put his member back away, refused to stop hovering it over the bowl. He felt so threateningly close to gushing uncontrollably, that he HAD to keep a container there just in case, no matter how humiliating his current position looked. “Can’t use it… Have to make sure the cookies don’t burn.”

“River—“

“The book didn’t say h—how long to leave them in…” River explained, his statement punctuated by two seconds of hissing as piss involuntarily sprayed into the bowl. “S—So, I’m watching, and I can’t lea—“

“This place is really small,” Duncan said. “If you’d just yelled my name, I would have woken up and come to see what was going on.”

River hadn’t even considered that, but now that he was he didn’t see how it was a good idea. “You would have been scared if, all the sudden, I was shouting.”

“True, but if you’d shouted ‘Duncan, come here, and don’t worry, I just need to pee!’ Then, I wouldn’t have been scared at all.”

River pinched the tip of his dick, it hurt but it was helping keep his liquids at bay for now. “S—So? What would t—telling you even do?”

Duncan was staring again. “I would have watched the oven while you peed…?”

Deep down, River had known that was always an option. If this had happened BEFORE the Organization, he would have had no trouble calling someone else to take his place. He would have weighed his options, accepted that it was an emergency and that it would be more embarrassing to have an accident or piss into a bowl than it would be to ask for help. He would have made the right choice.

But, this was AFTER the Organization, and AFTER the Organization, asking for help was the hardest thing in the world sometimes… It was a reminder that he’d changed, that he wasn’t as tough, as gritty, as self-sufficient as he’d once been. It was a reminder that, now, he was scared, paranoid and in constant need of comfort and assistance to make it through each day.

He thought the worst thing about it was how he actually LIKED having someone else do things for him, the warmth that flooded his chest every time, like it was filling in hollow spots that had been part of him for so long that he’d stopped even noticing they were there… He wasn’t supposed to need help, he wasn’t supposed to enjoy being cared for, he was supposed to do everything himself and never burden others with his existence and needs…

“Can you get up and make it to the toilet?” Duncan asked. “If you can’t, that’s okay, just… Just keep using the bowl, I guess…”

River forced himself up, squeezing his tip with all his strength. He could feel inside his dick already, knew if he removed his hands, removed that barrier, it would be gushing out. He tried to move forwards, but just collapsed back down on his knees, shaking his head frantically.

“Okay… That’s fine…” Duncan said, kneeling next to him. “Bowls can be washed, go ahead and finish…”

River released his hold on his dick, immediately letting his stream continue spraying into the bowl. His hands moved to grip Duncan instead, holding tightly onto his shirt sleeve as he shook from the humiliation.

Duncan rubbed his back, trying to look at River’s pinched, scrunched up face so that he could discern WHY he was still so tense even though he was finally urinating. Duncan’s eyes kept dragging back to River’s dick instead, though. The memory of the one time he’d held it still fresh in his mind. It had been so thick and warm, it had felt good in his hand. Duncan wished he could see and touch it when it WASN’T gushing out piss, he wished he could see what ELSE it could do, but the sight of it now was still VERY welcome.

Duncan forced himself to stop staring. He’d get to play with River’s cock someday… He hoped soon. What was more important was the look on River’s face. He was flooding the bowl, but he didn’t look satisfied at all. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m s—sorry…” River choked out, shaking more. “I couldn’t hold it…”

“That’s okay,” Duncan told him again. “You’re fine, you’re not having an accident.”

The last of River’s urine seeped out, but he still didn’t move from his position. He kept shaking. “I’m… I’m so… I’m embarrassed. This was stupid, I should have asked for help, even though it feels…”

Duncan helped River up now and River finally zipped up his pants. “Does asking for help feel bad…?”

“It— It feels good and bad,” River said. “I don’t know how to explain it. I… I like when you or Hugo take care of me, but… I shouldn’t.”

“River, I’m your boyfriend,” Duncan pointed out. He stepped over to the oven and opened it. “And Hugo’s… Like… Pretty much our Dad, or something.” The cookies looked fine, if a little dark. He pulled out the tray, turned off the oven. “It’s our job to take care of you.” He set the tray onto the table, and stared at the shapes. He had no idea what any of the cookies were supposed to be, but they’d probably still taste nice and sweet. “Who says you shouldn’t like it?”

“I… I’ve always just been… It’s been ME,” River said. “On my own since… A long time. Even before they kicked me out, my parents were so disgusted by me, they could barely stand to hug me or anything, and then… Then I was on my own on the streets, and I took care of myself, and when Hugo found me, I was working so hard so he’d know I was useful, and now I’m NOT useful anymore, I just get scared and want to be held, and that’s not how—“

“No,” Duncan interrupted. “You STILL help out in the workshop, you literally SAVED this man’s life— You saved MY life from the Organization, and you’ve saved YOURSELF from lots of things… You think you’re useless now just because you stay inside and need hugs? Your parents threw you out when you were sixteen, right?”

“Yeah…”

“So, ever since then, your life’s been this nonstop battle, and when you weren’t just trying to survive, sounds like you were going above and beyond working for Hugo, and then all the stuff we went through together… You need a BREAK.” Duncan held out his arms. “Come here…” he said.

River leaned into him, nuzzling his cheek against his shoulder. Duncan put his arms around him, stroking his back gently. “Just, LET yourself be taken care of sometimes, okay?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Duncan said. “Let’s wash that bowl and see how the cookies came out.”

Once the bowl was emptied and cleaned out, River sat at the table beside Duncan. Duncan took a bite of one of the cookies, and his eyes widened.

“They’re terrible,” River said. “You hate them.”

“They’re good,” Duncan said. “They’re sweet, just kind of hard and… River, did you put SALT in them?”

“The recipe said to!”

“Okay, okay,” Duncan assured. “They’re not bad, I like them. You’ve never baked anything before, so you did a good job. Next time, less salt?”

“Okay,” River said, reaching for another of the cookies, but Duncan stopped him, grabbed one himself.

Duncan held the cookie out, “Open wide,” he said.

River blushed and turned his head away. “Duncan, seriously?”

“Come on…”

“I can feed myself just fi—“

“Let someone take care of you,” Duncan reiterated. “Open.”

River rolled his eyes, opened his mouth. Duncan held the cookie there and let him take off a bite. He chewed it slowly. Duncan was right, it was harder than sugar cookies he’d had in the past had been. The vanilla flavor was strong, and the sugar was too, with more than a hint of the salt. He actually liked the extra saltiness, but could understand why Duncan would want it toned down. He swallowed. “Yeah, I guess I didn’t TOTALLY fuck it up,” he said.

Duncan nodded, “Next time, just less salt, a little softer, and don’t pee in the mixing bowl.”

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Written for the 12 Days of Omo prompt "While Cutting Down A Tree".

***

When he got home, Hugo was very proud of River for baking cookies on his own. River was just relieved that Duncan hadn’t told him about what he’d ended up needing to use the mixing bowl for. Hugo too thought that River had used an excessive amount of salt, but he still liked the cookies, was still happy that River was seeking to make this year’s Christmas somewhat festive in spite of everything he’d gone through during the year.

Hugo thought that if River was willing to put in the effort, they may as well decorate the cabin a little bit as well. They didn’t have any tree ornaments anymore, or wreaths or garlands— When they’d fled here, they’d only brought the bare essentials and Christmas decorations had failed to make the cut. However, just because they didn’t have anything to hang on a tree didn’t mean they couldn’t have one at all. Hugo asked River and Duncan if they’d like a tree, if they’d like to come with him to the tree farm and cut one down. “It will be like when we walk around the woods here, and you’ve been feeling safe doing that, right?”

They didn’t even need that much convincing to come along. But, the first problem arose when it came time to get River bundled up for the weather. When Hugo announced it was time to get ready, River clearly intended to head out in his normal clothes. Hugo had sort of expected that, but Duncan looked surprised. “River, you’re gonna freeze to death!”

“No, I won’t,” River shook his head. “I’m used to it.”

Duncan started to take off his own coat, “Here, wear—“

“Duncan, don’t worry, I’m—“

“Yeah, Duncan,” Hugo said. “River has his own Winter clothes, he just needs to go put them ON,” he added, giving River a firm look.

“Alright…” River sighed, walking back to his bedroom. He thought Hugo and Duncan were being silly about this. River could handle cold, it barely even bothered him. And he’d never liked thick, layered Winter clothing— A bit of chilliness was worth it to avoid how annoying clothes like that could get.

He got some things out of his closet. He took off his pants and pulled some thick, woolen underwear on over his boxers, then he put his pants back on, and added the snow pants he knew Hugo was going to make him wear anyway. Then he buttoned on a long, heavy coat. The whole time he did this, the only thing he could think about was how he was going to need to take it all back off again.

There was really only one reason River hated getting himself properly dressed for cold weather; A small bladder didn’t mix well with multiple layers to undo and shove aside before releasing it. When he was a kid, his parents would always force him into four layers of thermal underclothes beneath a pair of leggings and then a pair of pants. When he inevitably had to go, there would be so many buttons and so much tight fabric to fight with that, even if he got to the toilet with loads of time to spare, at the very least the bottom layer of his outfit would end up a little damp from a leak or two.

Maybe… Maybe it would be at least a LITTLE easier now? He didn’t have to get his entire lower half undressed, he just needed enough space to pull his dick out. But, that still didn’t mean he’d have any fewer buttons to undo. Once he’d fastened the final one on his coat, he told himself that the ‘just in case’ piss he’d taken a few minutes ago would be enough to satiate his bladder until they had returned to the cabin and he was back in his usual clothing.

River left the bedroom, rolling his eyes. “Okay, there,” he said.

Duncan smiled at him and hugged him, almost making the annoyance worth it. “Awwww, you look so cute and snuggly!” He kissed him on the cheek.

River blushed, “I… Thanks… This stuff is just… It’s cumbersome, you know?”

“Kind of,” Duncan agreed.

Hugo held out a pair of mittens, and River reluctantly put them on.

Soon, they were on the road, headed towards the farm. Once they got stuck in a bit of holiday traffic, Hugo and Duncan started discussing how tall they’d like their tree to be. Hugo was pleased that Duncan was speaking to him outside of the cabin, unlike how it had been during their disastrous first outing. Maybe since he’d gotten comfortable going on walks through the woods, whatever had happened to his voice that day was over and done with.

Hopefully he’d be able to KEEP talking once they got to the farm.

River was more preoccupied with the fact that he ALREADY sort of needed another bathroom break. He ran a hand along the zipper of his snow pants, dreading how much he’d have to get through before he could relieve himself. He hoped, at least, that he’d be able to wait it out until they were about to leave the farm. Even if he wasn’t able to hold it in through this whole trip, he would prefer if he could get away with just ONE pee stop, just ONE headache inducing feud with way too many buttons.

But, one thing that wasn’t helping his bladder were the bumps in the road. Having ridden in a car only ONE other time in the last several months, he still hadn’t gotten used to the unstable feeling of the ground below him, the jostling bounces that shot right through his uncomfortable abdomen. He was clenching his thighs together as the traffic wore on, and his jaw was tensed with discomfort by the time they were finally at the farm. He cursed himself for the hot chocolate he’d had right before they were due to leave, wishing he’d just left it all in the cup rather than allowing it to flood his bladder.

He hadn’t noticed yet, but his hand had curled itself firmly around the door handle, his muscles twitching with the eagerness to rip it open. He didn’t want to be stuck in the car any longer, and he tore his seat-belt apart before tearing out of the vehicle. He landed way too hard on his feet in the snow, the shock of it sending abrupt flares of need through the soles of his feet and into his tingling bladder.

Duncan got out of the car and started to shiver. Hugo noticed, hoping it was just from the cold and not from fear. The entryway to the farm was covered in festive streamers and lights, it looked warm and welcoming. It was the last place a person should feel scared. Hugo’s gaze shifted to River, seeing that he too was shaking, but it was EASY to tell River’s shudders came from anxiety, because his eyes were blown wide open with a look of abject panic.

“River…” Hugo said. “Just stick with me, this is a safe place…” He gestured to some of the other people heading towards the entrance. “Look, nobody’s here but parents and kids.”

River had been so focused on his need to relieve himself, and the dread of dealing with his clothing to do so, that he hadn’t been thinking about how this was only his second time really venturing out in public. The familiar fear started to fill his chest, and he scurried forwards to walk next to Hugo and Duncan, gripping the latter’s hand in his own.

They walked past the entryway, and up to a small kiosk that had been set up. As Hugo talked to the woman working there, explaining that they intended to buy only one tree and telling her how high the ceiling was in their home, River wriggled and turned from side to side.

There were lots and lots of beautiful trees here, and River TRIED to choose one he liked. But, as he looked at them all, he couldn’t help thinking that they all seemed a little dry. Even with the snow surrounding them, he was certain they were dehydrated. He would be doing them all a favor if he watered them…

‘Right. Fine. Okay,’ River thought, frustrated. ‘I need a leak NOW.’ No way was this gonna wait until he got back to the cabin, it wasn’t even gonna wait until they were ready to leave the farm! His bladder was quivering, his pee sloshing to and fro and begging to be released. He knew this place must have had a bathroom of some sort. Maybe it would just be an outhouse, but he could live with that. Flexing his hand wrapped around Duncan’s a few times, River turned in all directions and tried to find a restroom.

Finally, he spotted a wooden post with various signs nailed to it, each one sporting an arrow. Most of them just designated where certain types of trees would be located, or where the ornament kiosks were, but one featured the symbol River wanted; a set of pink and blue stick figures. He exhaled at the sight of it, his breath fogging in front of him. “Duncan, once Hugo’s done here, I gotta take a piss, okay?”
To his great worry, Duncan didn’t say ‘okay’. He didn’t say anything. He just nodded. River’s stomach churned, and he hoped that Duncan’s ‘mute button’, as he’d chosen to call whatever this new problem was, hadn’t been pressed again.

“Do you need to go?”

Duncan shook his head.

“Are you okay?”

Nod.

River pulled him into an anxious hug, not caring that pressing their bodies together was smooshing his bladder.

Once Hugo had finished talking to the woman and had paid for their tickets into the farm and the axe he’d be using, he started to lead River and Duncan off. River was about to tell Hugo that he needed the toilet before they did anything else, but Hugo was heading them in that direction anyway. Apparently, the first trees he wanted to look at first were near the restrooms. Perfect, River would be peeing in just a few minutes… Just as soon as he got his stupid clothes down.

As they trudged through the snow, River tried to ignore the axe in Hugo’s hand. He’d known that if they were cutting down their own tree, an axe would be necessary. He’d known to expect that he’d end up seeing one today, but he didn’t like it. The last time River had touched an axe had been one of his worst moments; The moment when River took another person’s life.

He hadn’t had a choice in the matter, if he hadn’t done what he’d done, then Duncan would have been the one killed instead. River had NEEDED to wield that axe and save Duncan. But, even in his most miserable, most angry days, River had never wanted to kill anyone. Having a death on his conscience, even one that he realized was unavoidable, was something heavy River would have to carry with him forever.

River had never told Hugo that he’d been forced to kill during his time with the Organization. He hoped Hugo wouldn’t offer the axe to him today, wouldn’t ask him if HE wanted to be the one to cut down the tree. River never wanted to hold an axe again.

They arrived in a clearing, trees were lined up and waiting to be selected, but River couldn’t care less about them. He’d caught sight of a small, shabby looking building off in the distance. His bladder recognized what it was even before he did, and he was momentarily unable to move as an intense surge threatened to send a gush of liquid down his legs. “Ah— Hugo?” River asked.

“Hm?”

“I want to take a leak,” River told him. “The bathroom’s right over there… Can…” he swallowed. He knew what he was going to ask. He knew what he HAD to ask. He knew what he NEEDED. But, it wasn’t easy to force those words out, to ADMIT that this was what he needed, that he could no longer handle such a simple task by himself. Duncan had told him that he had to give himself a break, and that it was fine to need somebody to take care of him. It even felt GOOD to be taken care of, but it also felt bad. How could the same thing feel both wonderful and soul crushing? “Can you and Duncan take me, please?”

“…Sure,” Hugo said, not wanting to call any more attention to River’s new change in peeing habits. In the old days, River would have just said “Gotta piss now!” And run off to the toilet by himself. But, he reminded himself, these WEREN’T the old days. He had to get used to it just like River did…

As they walked towards the restroom, River could barely move quickly enough. The knowledge that he was getting his relief soon made his bladder cramp and throb more and more with each passing second. The power of suggestion untwisting the knots his holding muscles were tied into, making them go loose long before River was actually ready for them to. River stood in front of the door to the men’s room, hopping on his feet and swinging his fists. What was it like in there? Were there people in it, or was it too quiet and eerie? What if there was just ONE person in there, and it was someone waiting to ambush him? Someone from the Organization whom had seen him entering the farm and recognized him, could tell he needed the bathroom since he’d been unable to stop wriggling?

River didn’t feel any more safe going through that door by himself than he did walking to this building by himself. “Do… Do you need to go?” He asked both his companions.

They each shook their heads.

“Wanna… Wash your hands…?” He tried .

“River, are you scared to go in there alone?”

River said nothing, just shifted from foot to foot as his bladder pounded with confusion the longer he stared at the door and refused to grab its handle.

“We’ll go with you,” Hugo said. “Don’t worry.”

River nodded and finally tried to yank the door open.

But, it didn’t budge.

What— He could tell from the shape of the handle and the size of the building that this WASN’T a single stall bathroom. Surely a row of stalls and an even longer row of urinals existed right beyond the wooden obstruction, but he couldn’t get it to come open! His heart rate picked up speed, every thump jolting his bladder. He grunted as he pulled on the handle again, “Nnnh… Come onnnn…” he whimpered.

He finally took a step back, accepting that the toilets in that room were now out of bounds to him for whatever reason. “It’s locked,” River told Hugo, eyes wide and beseeching.

Hugo tried the door himself, having no more success than River had. He gave River a sympathetic look. “Is it an emergency?” He asked. He had a feeling that it was getting there. That had been a long ride with a lot of traffic, truthfully the fact River hadn’t asked for a stop during it had surprised him.

River said nothing for a moment. Then, “I could probably hold it for a little while…” There was zero certainty in his voice, his tone trembled and indicated that he really had to go. He just had a feeling that even if they forgot about the tree and went straight home, he STILL wouldn’t make it there in time. River was going to have an accident today, may as well actually GET the tree so that this trip wouldn’t be pointless.

Duncan frowned, leaning closer to River and nuzzling him softly. He wanted to say a few words of encouragement, maybe suggest they go back to that lady Hugo had been speaking to and ask for a key, but when he opened his mouth, his tongue just flopped around inside it uselessly. His tongue felt like something foreign, something that didn’t even belong to him. So, he settled for just rubbing River’s hand and hoping that got some sort of message across.

Hugo had one idea, but he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject; The women’s room might be unlocked. A few times in the past, Hugo had been with a male friend whom was desperate to relieve himself, while the nearest men’s room had been out of order. Hugo had suggested that they just use the ladies’ since it was an emergency. And it had been awkward, some of those friends had needed to be coaxed, or had needed a female friend to scope the place out and assure him that no one was there to be made to feel uncomfortable, but they’d given in eventually.

Hugo had every reason to suspect that making this suggestion to River would be very different. There would be another layer to it, one that Hugo couldn’t relate to, but always tried his best to understand. River had told him before that he had had trouble in public restrooms. When he was first living on the streets, River looked extremely androgynous; He caught people staring at him often, and knew that many of them were trying to figure out what he was.

His body naturally produced about the same amount of testosterone as any other guy. But, when he’d been with his parents, they’d forced him to take medication which suppressed that production, and ingest Estrogen hormones to replace it. Once he was away from his parents and no longer taking these medications, his body was masculinizing. He grew facial hair and his voice deepened, his shoulders broadened… But, the Estrogen had caused him to develop breasts. And people noticed them. River was malnourished on the streets, it was obvious the breasts were not the result of excess weight.

He knew his appearance confused people, he knew that they WANTED to know what he was, and some people seemed to take offense at the fact that they couldn’t tell, as if River was trying to confuse them on purpose for some devious and nefarious reason. So, if he went to a public restroom and enough people were around to see him do it, he would get confronted no matter WHICH door he went through. He’d be yelled at that he didn’t belong there and followed through the room as the other person badgered him with questions. Sometimes he’d get hit. Once, he got pepper-sprayed in the face, and he’d even had security called on him.

River’s chest was no longer a cause for confusion or judgement, however he would definitely still have those bad memories… “Do you wanna try using the women’s room?” Hugo asked.

River nodded. He didn’t ‘WANT’ to do it, but considering the only other choice available to him now was holding his pee until he inevitably soaked his pants, he WOULD do it. “Still come with me, though?”

Hugo looked away awkwardly. “Yeah, okay…” he said.

Duncan nodded, holding onto River’s hand as River approached the other door.

Again, River’s body tried to get ahead of him. Now given a second chance at relief, his aching holding muscles were excitedly loosening up, making him squeeze his thighs tighter to maintain control. But then, River tried the handle and found that THIS door was locked as well! A whimper burst from the back of his throat as a pressure build up behind his eyes. This was so unfair! Why were they BOTH locked? Why were they BOTH locked on a day when so many people were visiting the farm?! Didn’t whoever was in charge realize that a few of the guests would BADLY need to relieve their bladders before they left?

River stepped backwards and tried to steady his breathing. He was deeply uncomfortable, and he was under no illusion that he’d be able to hold his piss all the way back to the cabin, but freaking out wasn’t going to do him any good, either. If he panicked too much, he’d have an even trickier time keeping his sphincters shut. “Th—That one’s locked too,” River informed miserably.

Hugo frowned. “Do you want to just—“

River shook his head. “No, you paid for the ticket, and to rent the axe and everything… We came all the way out here. Besides, I don’t even need to go that much, I can wait.” The last statement was a lie, urine was swishing painfully in his midsection, the pressure weighing him down just as much as his heavy coat was. Just KNOWING that there were toilets and urinals a few feet from his current position, yet still out of his reach, did nothing to help matters. His bladder convulsed, muscles burning. “Let’s go find a tree…”

“Are you sure?” Hugo asked. “If it’s bad, I don’t want you to hurt yourself or have an accident…”

“I won’t, I’m fine!” River insisted. Truthfully, he knew that if they left now, he’d wet his pants in the car before they got home. A part of him was thinking it would be for the best if he stayed here until his bladder burst, so that he wouldn’t soak the car seats. Neither of these outcomes were good, but at least if he picked the second one, he’d only end up wetting a patch of snow.

He knew that if he explained this reasoning to Hugo, the other probably wouldn’t understand it, but it really DID seem like the most logical choice to River.

They left the restroom building behind, River’s bladder not the least bit emptier— In fact, it felt even fuller than it had before he’d discovered the toilets were locked. His middle pulsed with brilliant, hot points of need, his pee shrieking to be let out even though there was nowhere for him to release it.

When they got to a row of trees and Hugo started to look them over, River tried not to think about what he wished he could DO to those trees. He was positive that he wasn’t allowed to get any of them ‘wet’, no matter how much he wanted to. He actually started to think that the sight of the trees was worse on his bladder than the sight of the locked toilets had been…

River twitched, not realizing that he’d begun to squeeze onto Duncan’s hand so tightly that his knuckles were cracking until Duncan started to let out pained sounding mewls. “O—Oh,” River said, loosening up his grip. “Sorry…”

Duncan looked into River’s eyes. His wide, nervous eyes… His boyfriend was fidgeting, hips swaying left and right and feet crunching in the snow. He couldn’t understand why River hadn’t just BEGGED to go back home. Duncan wanted to ask, TRIED to ask, he managed to squeak out River’s name before his throat constricted with anxiety and his jaw pulsed.

River rubbed a soothing pattern into Duncan’s hand. “It’s okay…” he said, nerves fluttering in his stomach, getting dangerously close to wrapping around his full bladder. Duncan seemingly forgetting how to form words was even more worrisome the third time… “I just have to go piss, but I’ll be fine. Just let me—“

Duncan frantically shook his head back and forth. He’d thought their discussion the other day with the cookies had gotten through to River somehow, but he was still trying to insist he could handle everything, endure anything, all by himself!

“What?” River asked. “What’s—“

“Guys,” Hugo said. “What do you think of this one?” He beckoned them over to a very tall tree.

River looked up at it, and wasn’t so sure. “I think that one’s too tall to fit…” he said. “We need one a little short—Nnnh!— Shorter…” River bent at the knees, allowing them to rub together. ‘There’s nothing you can do!’ He reminded himself. ‘You’re going to pee your pants…’ Trying to accept his fate did little to soothe the painful demands of his bladder. Really, knowing that an accident was inevitable was heightening the pressure inside his body to panic-inducing levels.

He KNEW he was going to pee his clothes, but he was in PUBLIC, and Duncan was right next to him, holding his hand, and he didn’t WANT to pee his clothes! He just saw no way out! His bladder was strained and hard in his abdomen, holding back a wave of liquid. Holding it in for ten more minutes, to say nothing of the entire drive back home, wasn’t physically possible. A bladder could only hold so much, and River’s bladder could hold less than most.

He noticed Hugo had brought them to an area that didn’t have TOO many people milling around. Like he had the day their bathroom door had gotten stuck, River debated if he should just LET himself pee in his clothes now, while he had a little more privacy. If he did it RIGHT this second, he would be able to save himself the discomfort of waiting for it. No matter what, it WAS going to happen, it was just a matter of time. So, shouldn’t he do it right away before the pressure got excruciating, or they found themselves in a bigger crowd of potential witnesses? With as many layers as he had on, maybe no one would even notice if he walked away from the yellow snow quickly enough…

Ah, no… His pee was going to be warm, right. In the cold air, it might steam up or something. Even if the wet spot didn’t make it to the outmost layer of his clothes, the steam would still be visible. Nope, he was going to have to keep waiting until he actually lost it… Or at least until he was ready to PRETEND that he was really losing it.

As they kept walking, River kept his pee at bay by clenching his thighs, and crossing his legs whenever they paused. Every single tree they passed didn’t look like anything to cut down and put up in their living room. Instead, they all looked like beautiful relief River was dying to claim for himself. Maybe once they’d found the right tree, River could go on that one? Like… Like marking it as his own, yeah. Same way a dog would… It would be fine if they BOUGHT the tree River had urinated against, surely?

Ohhh, come to think of it, it wasn’t like there were any signs that said NOT to pee on the trees! So, that meant there were no rules against it! Or, more rationally, it meant that they didn’t think they needed to TELL people not to water them…

Not wanting to tease his bladder further, River tried to think of other things and focus just on putting one foot in front of the other. Hugo kept glancing at the trees, but he seemed to find something he disliked about each one. River wasn’t sure what, he had no idea what the criteria even was for a good Christmas tree. Really, they all looked identical to him, save for their heights and widths…

Every time Hugo paused, River was left swaying back and forth, the seams of his bladder tearing apart more and more until he was clasping one shaking hand around Duncan’s wrist, and trying to clutch his crotch with the other, legs frantically rubbing together, his thick underpants chafing and midsection screaming.

He needed to TRY to grab his dick because his Winter outfit had made such a task nearly impossible. The coat hung down so far that it was in the way, and then all the layers he had on over his legs made it even trickier. The fact he had gloves on added a whole extra level of difficulty. He pressed his hand against his crotch, and bucked his hips into his palm, but it was like he wasn’t making any contact at all! His hand failed to transform into the plug he wanted so badly to stuff into his opening.

Duncan was aware of River’s struggling, he could feel River jerking about as he held onto his hand. He saw the sheets of sweat flowing down River’s face, as though he was standing in the Sahara desert in the middle of Summer instead of walking through a snow covered Christmas tree lot in the Winter.

Duncan knew there must have been a key for the restrooms, and was surprised neither River nor Hugo had thought to ask someone for it. Duncan wanted to tell them. He pressed his tongue up against the roof of his mouth and let out a muffled noise.

Hugo turned around, “Wha—“ His eyes fell on River, twitching and wriggling and failing to even hold himself properly. “River, you should have sai—“

“KEY!” Duncan blurted out, louder than he’d intended.

Hugo was confused, but River got it right away. “A— A key for the restrooms?” He said. “There HAS to be one, right?” He felt like an idiot for not considering that before, and crossed his legs tighter to hold back the pool of piss trapped within him, too desperate to care if it made his need obvious.

“Right, right!” Hugo said. “I bet there is! Come on…” He was shuffling them off again, back to the kiosk they’d stopped at when they’d first arrived here.

Now that River’s hope had been reignited, he was suddenly more determined to hold it again. Maybe an accident WASN’T guaranteed, maybe he’d get to use a toilet. Ohhh, please, please, let him be able to use a toilet really soon! He didn’t have much time left! When they got to the kiosk, River wanted to unwrap his legs and pretend that he wasn’t on the verge of flooding himself, but he just COULDN’T. He tried to loosen himself out just a LITTLE and that was enough to send the first squirt of pee out into his clothes.

Besides, the woman would HAVE to give them the key once she saw how much River needed it…

He stood at Hugo’s side, stomping his feet as he listened. “Is there a key for the restroom? Kind of an emergency…”

Hugo’s words didn’t embarrass River; They were TRUE, after all. And, again, emphasizing the severity of River’s situation would hopefully generate a bit of pity for him.

But, Duncan seemed to be afraid that River WAS embarrassed, because the next thing he knew, Duncan was rubbing his shoulder and nuzzling him again, trying to smile.

“I’m okay…” River said. “I’m fine… I’m fine… I’ll be—“

“I’m sorry,” the woman told Hugo. “Someone accidentally took the keys home last night… You’re not the first person to ask. I’m REALLY sorry.”

River wasn’t going to be fine.

“That’s… That’s okay,” Hugo said. “It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it…”

River couldn’t STOP worrying about it! He was exploding! He kept feeling little drips falling into his underwear, the warmth rolling down the insides of his legs. He was scared he’d let out enough already that steamy fog was visible around his crotch…

River wasn’t going to be fine at all. He was absolutely dying for a piss. Even just a few seconds of relief— Just, please, please— ANYTHING.

River had a feeling they were going to forget about the tree now, Hugo was going to take them back to the car and try to get River home in time. River was going to come apart and gush all over his seat, probably before they’d even left the parking lot…

But, instead Hugo was leading them back to the trees they’d been looking at. River was confused at first, then figured that Hugo must have come to the same conclusion; River was going to wet his pants, and it would be better if he did it outside and spared the car seats from the deluge.

Hugo walked them past a few rows of trees, further and further, River leaking abundantly every handful of yards. When Hugo stopped, they were at the far end of the lot. The trees here were all scraggly, missing chunks of leaves, and very short. Clearly, these were not the ones expected to sell, and no one was even over here to look at them. River got nervous, and Duncan was shaking too. It was too quiet, too much solitude. Anything could happen when no one was around to see…

They could be attacked. They could be grabbed. They could have rags shoved over their mouths and noses and be taken away to—

‘Hugo has the axe, though…’ River thought. ‘Don’t be—‘

Hugo brought River back to reality when he brought up one of the more common things that occurred when nobody was around to watch. “Alright, River, guess you’re gonna get to write your name for the first time today, huh?”

River looked up at him. “H—Huh?”

“Pee,” Hugo said. “I don’t know if it’s allowed but… Hey, no one’s gonna find out all the way over here, are they?”

Oh. Right… River could ‘write his name’. He hadn’t ever done that before. It had snowed one other time after he’d had his phalloplasty, but it hadn’t even crossed his mind that he could DO that now. Ohhh, God could he do that RIGHT now, though… In fact, forget writing his name, he had enough piss in him to write a whole fucking novel.

Suddenly hit by a surge of adrenaline brought on by extreme levels of need, River tore at the bottom buttons of his coat, yanking them apart as he kept jumping between his feet. He fought with the button and zip of his snow pants, and moaned at the layers he still had to get through. His bladder was crying, streams of uncontrollable liquid still strolling slickly down his legs, and there was just SO much still there, separating his dick from the outside the world.

He tried for the button on his regular pants, but his hands were shaking so much by that point that he couldn’t move it. “Nnnhh… Ah—!” He choked, hopping up and down more urgently, fighting with his clothes all the while. He crossed his legs, palmed his crotch and doubled forwards.

Next thing he knew, Duncan was knelt in front of him, parting the button, lowering the zipper. “Hurry!” River begged him, his fists clenching at his sides, shuddering. “Hurry! I’m already pissing!” He surrendered himself over to Duncan’s help. Duncan’s hands weren’t spasming, Duncan was still calm, still in control of his body. River was the opposite. River needed help. River WANTED help, and he wanted to cover Duncan in kisses for giving it to him, for taking care of him when he had no way of taking care of himself. “Hurrrryyyy!”

Duncan finally unbuttoned River’s thermal underpants, parted the flap on his boxers open, and River’s hand dove inside. Duncan stumbled back as River freed himself from his clothing and blindly aimed a torrent into the snow— If it had taken him a second longer, River may have peed on him…

“Ahhhhhh…. Fuuuuuuck…” River moaned, every seam in his bladder pulling itself apart and allowing its contents to spill out with wild, reckless abandon. His eyes fluttered back open, and he decided that he actually WOULD like to write his name out, or at least try to. His aim was definitely way better than it had been the first time he’d peed standing, and he never missed the bowl anymore, but he wasn’t sure if he could actually make any shapes in the snow or not.

He tried, shifting his hips and adjusting his grip on his dick, wriggling around to try and get out something legible. He decided to do it all in capital letters, since he thought that would be easiest. It was WAY harder than he’d thought it would be. His bladder had completely split apart and was going to keep spraying until it was bone dry, so he couldn’t pause between the letters or anything— Was he supposed to? He doubted people pissed in cursive very often… Or did they? In the end, it WAS recognizable as his name, but he was STILL peeing so much, STILL felt so full…

So, he went for his LAST name as well. His last name was a lot longer than his first, and he’d be REALLY proud of himself if it turned out he had enough piss in him to make it. As he made his attempt, he had a silly thought that a member of the Organization would find his name pissed out in the snow and figure out he lived in this area. He didn’t worry about that for very long though, because even if someone DID come over here for some reason, it was still snowing a bit and everything would be covered up soon.

He kept going, the letters growing more legible the longer he peed, and his bladder going looser and looser. He was finally able to stand upright all the way without the heaviness of his middle sending shooting pains through him. He was astonished when, not only did he have enough urine left to finish his last name, he was STILL peeing after he’d finished with it. He considered trying add on something like ‘WAS HERE’ but could tell he was nearing the end of his relief, so he just let it taper off into a puddle between his feet.

Then he realized Duncan was giggling… And, though he was happy to hear Duncan making some noise, River blushed anyway. “Wha—What?”

“Eheheh, you actually wrote it, like a kid…” Duncan said. “That’s cute…”

“W—Well, I never was able to when I WAS a kid…” River reminded.

“I’m not teasing you,” Duncan promised. “I told you, I think it’s cute! And, wow, you got your FULL name!”

“I really needed to go…” River said.

“You did,” Hugo said. “Why did you tell me you DIDN’T?”

River shrugged. “Because we’d already come all the way out here. And, I wasn’t going to make it home, so I thought… You know, I should piss myself OUTSIDE instead of in the car.”

Hugo struggled with that logic for a second; It was at once both sensible and flawed, something he thought could have only come from River. “… Um, alright… You feel better now?”

River nodded.

“Okay, good, that’s all that matters,” Hugo said. “Now maybe you can both concentrate more on helping me pick a tree.”

Edited by secretomoact (see edit history)
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Written for the 12 Days of Omo prompt "Christmas Movie"

***

River’s first Christmas with Duncan had gone as well as he could have hoped. Better, even. They may have been stuck inside, just the two of them and Hugo, like always, but it wasn’t like any of them had family to visit. They WERE the family now. So, they celebrated like any family would. The day started with them opening gifts under the tree. River was delighted with all of the new manga volumes Hugo had gotten him, and Duncan was pleased with the dance CDs.

Since River and Duncan couldn’t go out alone to shop for anything, and they were no longer able to use the Internet either, they’d needed to MAKE their gifts for each other. Duncan was clearly the better artist of the two, presenting River with a brilliant portrait of a rose garden. River was in awe at the differing textures and light levels present throughout it, but confused by the way Duncan kept snickering.

“Hm?” River asked. “What…?”

“Did you notice?” Duncan asked.

“Er… Notice what?”

“Look at the centers of the roses…” Duncan said, barely holding back snorts of laughter.

River did. The roses all had the expected layers of petals, circling out around one cluster of… Actually, as he looked more closely, that didn’t really resemble a cluster of petals…

The reason that they didn’t resemble clusters of petals, River now realized, was because they WEREN’T clusters of petals. They were floral phalluses. Duncan had painted a field of roses with penises jetting out in the middle of each flower. It was indeed difficult to notice it at first, but once it WAS spotted, it was impossible to unsee it. It was… Funny, but just… “Why?”

“Because it was funny,” Duncan said, laughing more now.

River shrugged. It was still a lovely painting, had clearly taken ages to complete. And, yes, it WAS amusing. Besides, they weren’t going to have anyone over to visit, so there was no reason that they couldn’t hang— No, no, not ‘hang!’, ‘DISPLAY’— it anywhere.

“What is it?” Hugo asked, leaning forwards for a closer look.

“Pfft, heheheh,” Duncan kept up his raucous laughter, bending forwards on himself. “All the flowers have—“ He broke off very abruptly, his giggling ceased, and he got a look of pure panic on his face.

“Duncan? What’s wr—“

Before River could finish, Duncan was crossing his legs and gasping out “E—Excuse me!” He took off for the restroom, palming his crotch along the way.

Duncan was scrambling for the toilet as soon as he’d gotten past the doorway. His boxers felt clammy and warm, the result of a leak that he seriously hadn’t even felt COMING until it had already spilled out of him. Fuck, fuck… He knew that sneezing made him pee now, but hadn’t realized there were other things that could do it.

He yanked his pants down and sat on the toilet seat, his dribbles bursting into a stream. He panted, but not so much from relief. He was just desperately trying to catch his breath after rushing here at breakneck speed. As he sat there, bladder emptying, he examined the damage done to his pants. A dark spot was visible on the crotch of his boxers, but he didn’t think he needed to change them. It wasn’t any worse than what happened if he didn’t ‘shake off’ well enough after a pee.

It wasn’t the severity of the leak that bothered him, it was just the fact that it had happened at all. He’d learned that he needed to be careful when he sneezed, sometimes instinctively grabbing his crotch when he felt one coming just to try and forestall the inevitable drip. That was probably the hardest he’d laughed since he’d escaped the Organization, though. He’d had no idea that laughing was dangerous for his bladder, too!

God… What had happened to his body when those weights slammed into him? He’d had PERFECT control over his bladder up until then! Sure, he’d had a FEW leaks before it, but those had all been brought on by pretty severe desperation. Now, he was dribbling when he didn’t even think he had to go!

He really hoped that, whatever was going on with his holding muscles now would start to get better soon… He stood from the toilet, flushed it and washed his hands off. He stood there a moment longer, recalling how he’d basically freaked out in the living room and run to the toilet like he was escaping from a fire.

River and Hugo both knew about his sneezing issue, but he didn’t want to let on that there were even MORE problems… So, when Duncan returned to them, he sighed and said “Ahhh, sorry about that. I was excited and forgot to go this morning, then it all kinda just hit me.”

Hugo chuckled, “Micah used to do that every Christmas too,” he said fondly.

Duncan, perplexed by the unfamiliar name, looked at River.

“Micah was Hugo’s son,” River explained, briskly pulling something else out from beneath the tree. “A—Anyway, here’s what I got you!”

Duncan didn’t press further. River’s quick change of subject, and his use of the word ‘was’, were enough to tell him everything he needed to know. Duncan took the gift into his hands and unwrapped it, finding a beaded bracelet containing their initials, a rainbow pattern, and a few heart shaped beads. “Yeah, I can’t draw worth shit,” River said. “And I hope to God that actually fits you, and—“

Duncan slipped it on and hugged River, “It’s so sweet!” He gushed, nuzzling him.

“Eheh,” River laughed, leaning into Duncan’s touches.

They each had things to give to Hugo as well, which he was surprised by. River had used the old Polaroid camera to take a bunch of photos around the cabin. He may not have been great at drawing, but photography was a different story. He was able to capture all the familiar objects in such unique ways that Hugo had to pause a couple times to figure out what he was looking at. Duncan had painted him a field of flowers as well, but when he started to scrutinize it, he was assured that this one didn’t have any hidden dicks.

A few hours after the present opening, Hugo went out to get a pizza for dinner. When River asked for pineapple and anchovies as his toppings, Duncan thought he was joking and started to giggle. But, then he realized River was being serious and laughed even harder, so hard that his bladder ejected another unwanted spurt into his clothes. Just like that morning, he stopped cold, went silent and was barely able to keep his hands off his dick as he ran to the toilet.

He was already tugging down his pants while he was shutting the door, feeling more pee resting precariously at the edge of his sphincters. He slammed himself down onto the toilet seat, and didn’t even need to TELL his bladder to let go. He was peeing the instant he felt the porcelain beneath him. But, he felt little in the way of relief. Was he going to have to fight not to soak his pants EVERY time he thought something was a little funny?

He finished after only fifteen seconds, proving that his bladder HADN’T been full at all. He washed off his hands and met up with River again in the living room. “S—Sorry, I guess I’ve been distracted and didn’t notice how much I had to—“

“Do you pee when you laugh?” River interrupted.

Duncan sucked in his cheeks. “I… I didn’t used to…” he said reluctantly.

“Thought so,” River said, glum. “I’m really sorry… It’s not fair that you have to deal with this now.”

“It’s not,” Duncan agreed. “It sucks.”

“I’ve kinda been noticing you… Like… Grab yourself when you sneeze? Does that help any?”

“Yeah,” Duncan said. “It usually makes it stay in, at least— Unless I already had to go really bad. But, even if I hold myself, I’m going to be having an emergency once the sneezing stops. Like, I have a minute to get to the toilet afterwards, otherwise I think I’ll…”

“Okay,” River said. “At least it makes it a little easier, right? Maybe you should try to hold your crotch when you laugh, too?”
Duncan hated having to discuss this. He shouldn’t have needed to come up with strategies to manage his newly fickle bladder. Before, the only time he had to talk about peeing was when he was desperate to do it and needed directions to a toilet. “I guess…” he said.

Hugo got home with the pizzas. River kept trying to convince Duncan to try the toppings he’d selected, to which Duncan continued to refused. They talked a lot as they ate around the table, and it felt like they really WERE just a regular family enjoying Christmas together. Duncan forgot all about the Organization, about being scared, about how they were inside because they HAD to be, and focused only on how good it felt to spend the day with River and Hugo. Apart from his little urinary mishaps, everything had been perfect.

During the evening, they watched some Christmas DVDs on the couch together. Hugo eventually got tired and headed to bed, but Duncan had been so happy all day that he wasn’t ready for it to end. River decided to stay with him, which overjoyed him even further… Particularly because he’d been hopeful that River would have ANOTHER present for him at some point tonight.

He wasn’t going to push for it or anything… But, they’d been together for so many months now, had slept in each other’s arms, had kissed, cuddled, felt one another up… Duncan thought that the right time should be coming SOON, and tonight would be just the perfect occasion.

He couldn’t let himself get TOO excited, though. He didn’t want to get his hopes up high if, like every other night, they simply kissed each other goodnight, snuggling and talking until they fell asleep. Duncan wanted more, was dying for more… Thoughts of River touching him without the barriers of their clothing in the way were sometimes enough to send Duncan running to the restroom to take care of a DIFFERENT urge.

He THOUGHT River wanted it too… River said all the time that he loved him, and had drooled over the sight of his arms on several occasions. He’d caught River staring at his ass when he came back from a shower with nothing but a towel covering it. When they fondled each other over their clothes, River was always moaning and shuddering, showing how much he was enjoying it.

But, there were other things that made Duncan wonder if maybe River didn’t want it. When they got really hot and heavy, Duncan would ALWAYS get hard as a rock within minutes. But, no matter how much he felt River up, no matter how much he got the man to whimper and mewl, Duncan had never felt River’s cock growing in his pants, and he’d been TRYING to, that confirmation that he was turning River on would be irresistible…

River acted like he enjoyed it. He made all the right sounds and all the right expressions, he told Duncan to keep it up… Yet, his body kept telling a different story, and Duncan was confused.

Once Hugo had gone to bed, Duncan cozied up a lot closer to River, putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling him into his body. River blushed and snuggled against him. They kept watching the movies. River commented that he hadn’t liked Christmas movies that much before, since they were usually so cheesy. “But, it feels different watching them with you…”

Duncan’s chest warmed and he kissed River’s cheek, before trailing more kisses along River’s jawline, down his neck. River wriggled, shivering. “Heheh, mmm… That feels good.”

Encouraged, Duncan carried on, kissing River all over his face and neck, stroking his back and reminding him how much he loved him. Something struck him then; River was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Duncan had never believed he’d get to have a REAL relationship with another man, that the best he’d ever manage were meaningless hook-ups that were over as quickly as they began. But, what he and River had was real. They relied on each other, they needed each other. Duncan loved River’s determination and strength, the way he survived in spite of everything life had thrown at him. River loved Duncan’s sense of humor, his playfulness… Things that were finally starting to come back as Duncan started to feel safer.

River was the best thing that had ever happened to him… But he and River had met during the WORST event of Duncan’s life. How could it be that his most painful and most wonderful experiences had happened simultaneously, intertwined?

As Duncan thought this over, and the movie continued on the TV screen, River eventually ended up laying sideways. His head was resting in Duncan’s lap, his arms wrapped around his body. River’s body heat was so warm that it put Duncan in a new state of ease. He wished that this moment never had to end. He didn’t even care if they ended up not having sex again tonight, because everything that was happening now was just so perfect.

Before long, River had started to snore, fast asleep in Duncan’s lap. He looked adorable that way, eye lashes lightly brushing against his cheeks, breaths coming out slow and even, arms still coiled around Duncan and squeezing rather tautly against his bladder—

Okay… That last one wasn’t so cute. And it definitely wasn’t relaxing. Ugh, why hadn’t Duncan noticed that he had to pee until just NOW? And, why did noticing it have to make the urge so much worse? He’d been fine a moment ago, now he was cursing himself for the glasses of water he’d had with dinner, feeling them stretching out inside his bladder.

Should he wake River up…? No, probably not. Peaceful sleep was so hard for either one of them to come by, Duncan wouldn’t DARE take it away from River if he could help it. Duncan could wait until River woke back up… Just so long as he didn’t sneeze or laugh.

He checked which movie was playing now, wondering if it was one that featured any loud scenes. If it was, then perhaps River would wake up and Duncan wouldn’t have to feel quite so bad about it. But, few Christmas films were all that noisy, and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was a fairly quiet one. Hell, many of the songs would make alright lullabies. He didn’t think THIS would wake River up.

Not helping Duncan’s situation was the need to keep himself still. He didn’t want to be the one responsible for waking River up, and since he was coiled around his body, any jiggling or squirming would likely disturb him. His need for the toilet, which was already somewhat severe when he’d noticed it, had grown exponentially in the time since.

Duncan’s lips thinned as he hitched his hips just the slightest bit— Enough to take a little of the pressure away from his sphincters, but not enough to rouse River. His hands fluttered uselessly around his waist, River’s head still nestled in his lap and blocking him from being able to adjust his pants or pinch his urethra closed. His thighs pressed together until he felt them starting to cramp.

He told himself River would probably wake up soon. His position didn’t even look that comfy, so he couldn’t sleep for THAT long.

Half an hour later, with his bladder feeling nearly engorged from the pressure, Duncan was worrying that River was going to keep him pinned here for the rest of the night. As soon as that thought had presented itself, a far more worrying one chased it away; River wouldn’t keep him pinned here all night, because Duncan would wet his pants before morning came. River would DEFINITELY spring awake when his ‘pillow’ suddenly got warm and sopping wet while emitting a loud hissing sound.

A stabbing pulse from his bladder made Duncan jolt slightly in his seat, grinding himself against the cushion as subtly as he could manage. He looked back at the TV, trying to focus on IT instead of his bladder. He did his best to focus on Rudolph encountering the Island of Misfit Toys, only for his midsection to spasm so startlingly that he had to fling his upper body backwards to give his bloated ball of piss some space, hissing through his clenched teeth.
The swollen, tense lump encompassing his lower abdomen COULDN’T find enough room, though. The weight of River’s head in his lap was like placing cinderblocks atop his bladder, and he couldn’t get away from it. It all felt so heavy on his sphincters, muscles weakening beneath the strain. “Hfff…” he exhaled, trying to take in little puffs of air, as if that would calm the rest of his body down.

It didn’t. A small dribble of pee squirted free from his urethra. It wasn’t enough to leave a stain on his pants, but he could feel the wet patch on his boxers already. He ground his teeth together, bit down hard against a groan, and another trickle of heat jetted forth. He bounced lightly, unable to stop himself.

He felt another pulsing throb radiate from within his bladder, and he drummed his fingertips onto the couch’s armrest, for lack of anything more helpful to do. He leaked twice more, feeling the wet patch on his underwear growing ever larger. ‘Just… Just watch the stupid movie…’ he ordered himself. ‘Watch it, and forget about peeing.’

He made another attempt. He’d seen this thing loads of times, and he couldn’t recall any part of it that should make his bladder feel any worse, thankfully. He couldn’t think of any scenes involving water falls, or rivers, or toilets… Except, now he was just THINKING about water falls, rivers and toilets— Especially that LAST thing.

He was thinking about how there was a toilet right down the hall. He was thinking about how he could see the open door from his current position. He was thinking about how it would take him a maximum of ten steps to get there and empty himself. He was thinking about how GOOD that would feel…

God… It would feel amazing… He wanted nothing more than to rip down his pants and collapse onto the bowl, gushing away for all he was worth, his stream echoing with its force. If only the seat he was on right NOW were a toilet, if only River had fallen asleep on him in the bathroom instead, then he could just let it all out and stop feeling so bloated…

His bladder enjoyed his fantasy a little too much, its walls crumbling inwards and squeezing out another leak. This one carried on for several seconds, and he fought hard to clamp it off. He could do nothing to stem his spill apart from tightening up his already tensed thighs and gritting his muscles so hard that they burned. Eventually, it did cease, but he was sure the crotch of his pants looked wet now.

‘Ohhh, please wake up, River…’ Duncan pleaded silently. Maybe he SHOULD just shake him? This was getting really, really bad! River would certainly be more upset if he got woken up because Duncan pissed on him than if he got woken up because Duncan nudged him…

He reached for River, tapped his shoulder. “River…?” He whispered. He wasn’t sure why he was being so gentle, so soft, when he wanted River up and moving NOW. “River… Come on…” he said, poking him again. “I’m practically wetting myself… You have to let me up…”

***

‘I’m practically wetting myself!’ River thought, panic coursing through him. He was immensely confused by several things. First, and most troublingly, he could feel his long pigtails touching his shoulders, could feel a weight in his chest that was both foreign and somehow familiar, and the crotch of his pants was disturbingly empty. Second, he was at school, a place he hadn’t been to in several years. Third, his teacher had just said something about his Mom, as if his Mom was even a part of his life…

But, River didn’t think he had the time, nor the brainpower, to waste on figuring all of this out. His bladder was bloated and hard as a rock, and if he didn’t get to a fucking toilet soon, he wouldn’t NEED to figure out what had happened to his body, because it would be scattered all over the place in tiny, urine-flecked pieces.

He held himself and wriggled in his chair, his heart thumping in his ears as he did so. He was panicking from how bad he had to pee, and also from how his crotch felt beneath his hands. Something EXTREMELY important was missing. He could feel he was wearing short sleeves, and when he turned his head to look, the scar on his arm was gone too…

Christ, what was happening? Had he dreamed everything about the last several years of his life? The part with that Organization HAD been pretty surreal, so maybe…

Was he going to have to do it ALL over again? Come out to his parents, try to reason with them, try to get off the Estrogen… Would they react better than they had in his dream? He didn’t think so… He’d be homeless again, have to find someone to live with, since apparently Hugo was just a dream. Would he find someone as kind as Hugo, someone as willing to help him with his surgeries as Hugo?

Ohhh, God, and what about Duncan?! Duncan wasn’t real, either?! He didn’t have someone who loved him after all? Fuck, of course that had been a dream, Duncan had been too good to be true… Hugo, too… Fuck, fuck, he wanted his old life back, a lot of it had sucked, but it had been HIS—

A gasp fell from River’s lips as his bladder sent two hot spurts of piss into his… Well, he wasn’t going to check, but he was probably wearing panties… He clutched his hands against himself with more fervor when a stream started to slosh out. He crossed his legs beneath his desk, clenching his muscles, eyes welling with tears.

He needed the toilet, he could figure the rest out after he’d gone… What— What was happening now? What did he need to do to get himself to a bathroom? He finally looked up from his lap, gazed around the classroom. He recognized it as his homeroom from eighth grade. Shit… What classes had he been taking in eighth grade? God dammit, if there was a fucking test today he was going to set something on fire… And then not put it out, even though he was full of enough piss to do the job easily.

Okay, okay… It didn’t look like it was a test day. Actually, there were cookies and stuff out on some of the desks, and a TV sitting on a cart at the front of the room. It was a party day, so at least he wouldn’t have to actually go to school while he figured his situation out. And, more importantly, it should be easier to get to a restroom…

Dear fucking GOD he needed a restroom…

The TV was turned on, it started playing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which meant Christmas was coming up, so he at least knew what month it was… His situation started to feel a LITTLE more familiar now that the movie was on, although he wasn’t sure why.

Nor did he care. He needed an empty bladder NOW. He struggled onto his feet, and it sort of felt almost like he had to REMEMBER how to hold it in with his old parts…? He didn’t bother moving his hands away from his crotch as he hobbled to the teacher’s desk and blurted out his request for the restroom. The teacher took way too damned long to respond, and River crossed his left leg over his right as he waited.

“Go ahead,” she said, waving him off.

River rushed for the door and threw it open, cursing madly under his breath as he tried his best to remember the layout of his high school. Where the fuck were the toilets? Christ! He must have made mad dashes to them at least four times a day when he’d been a teenager, how could he have forgotten their locations?!

He turned around a corner and managed to remember this hallway, and that there would be a restroom if he turned to the left at the end of it. He made an odd, limping walk down the hall, taking care to keep his legs pinched together as he moved. At last, he saw the doors he needed, and placed his hand on the one marked with a blue stick-man. Thank God… He’d never been so relieved to see a men’s—

Oh… Fuck, that was right…

Grumbling, he went to the OTHER door, and jiggled its handle. Locked. “You’ve gotta be shitting me…” he muttered. Not like he wanted to use the girls’ anyway… He returned to the FIRST door and tried to open IT up, but it refused to budge as well.

And then it struck River why this situation felt so familiar. It was the last day of eighth grade before Winter break, he’d had too much fruit punch at the party. When the class sat down to watch Rudolph, he was hit with a powerful need to urinate… And then he’d spent the rest of the day flailing around in desperation and yanking on door handles because the school had decided, in all its brilliance, to lock some of the rooms up EARLY for the break. And, of course, they’d decided to pick the ones MOST important to River.

How had that ended…? Right, he’d eventually gotten so pissed off and needy that he’d gone out the back door of the school, dragged himself to the little bit of woods behind it, tore down his pants, crouched, and watered the everliving crap out of a poor, defenseless bush. Nobody had caught him doing it, and when he’d gotten back up he’d flipped off the school building for driving him to it…

So, should he just skip straight to THAT part and avoid all of the mindless running around and pulling on locked doors…? His bladder blazed within him, telling him that that was the PERFECT plan…

***

“River…” Duncan whined, jostling River’s shoulder more sharply. “Come onnnn… I’m bursting!” He was beginning to feel LESS bad about getting River up, and NOT because he was having such an awful emergency. River had begun to fidget around in his sleep, his expression going pinched. It was clear he was having a nightmare and would APPRECIATE being woken up.

Duncan had given up on quelling his squirms, he jiggled his legs and tried his best to reach a hand past River’s head so he could grab at himself. Finally, he shoved River harder and the other’s eyes popped open. Wild and frantic, his pupils darted around the room as his breathing went from completely panicked to only SORT OF panicked.

“River, let me up, I need—“

“I have to go piss!” River interrupted, lurching up onto his feet, before stumbling and stomping them against the floor, hands flung between his legs. Duncan watched as he grabbed himself, watched his expression visibly slacken with relief, his breaths evening out as he squeezed away. “Oh… Thank fuck…” he muttered, confusing Duncan to no end, as it wasn’t like he was at the toilet, peeing yet…

“You need to go, too?” Duncan whimpered out, now grabbing his own dick with both hands. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had a gallon stored inside himself, judging by the overwhelming pain in his bladder.

“Like crazy!” River said. “I’ll— You go in the toilet, I’ll use the sink.”

“We can BOTH use the—“

“It’ll be easier for you to sit this way,” River reasoned. “I’ll just…”

“I’ll— I’ll stand this time, if you’re with me it won’t be as scary to face away from the door.”

The decision made, they both struggled to the restroom, hands clutched between tensed thighs. River was reaching beneath his waistband before they’d passed the doorway, and Duncan let out three more dribbly spurts hobbling up to the toilet.

River aimed himself, a droplet plinking into the bowl, followed by two more as he jumped in place and waited for Duncan to free himself as well. Once Duncan was in the right position, River stopped holding back, releasing a torrent that far outmatched the one he’d doused the bush with in eighth grade.

Duncan’s stream crashed into the bowl beside River’s, ripping a loud moan from his throat as waves of piss were evacuated from his bladder. It felt even better than he’d been imagining, everything in him was loosening, losing all its tension. His shoulders, his back, his poor, poor bladder… His thighs, his knees, his legs—

He started to go a little wobbly… The muscles in charge of holding him upright relaxing SO much that they were forgetting they still had a job to do. He pissed sitting down so often now that he was used to just letting EVERYTHING fall apart when he went, he wavered, trying not to let his legs fall asleep.

River had both hands on his dick, but he let one go when he noticed Duncan wavering. He assumed the guy was just sleepy, so he put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steadier until he was done.

River finished first, and Duncan tapered off a few seconds later, exhaling loudly and stumbling backwards against the wall, grinning. “I…” he panted out. “I… I like cuddling you… But if you’re gonna fall asleep… warn me so I can pee first…”

River laughed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trap you.”

“It’s okay… Hey, were you having a bad dream?”

“Not… Not exactly,” River said. “I had to pee really bad, so I kinda just had a dream about ANOTHER time I had to pee really bad back at school… And I was, like, super confused because my body was… Like it WAS, and I thought I’d just dreamed everything about the last few years, since…”

“Since the Organization sounds like something out of a nightmare?” Duncan guessed.

“That, and because sometimes I think you and Hugo are too good to be true.”

“Aww…” Duncan held him. “MOSTLY me, right?”

“Eheh, yeah… Mostly you.”

Written for the 12 Days of Omo prompt "Christmas Movie"

***

River’s first Christmas with Duncan had gone as well as he could have hoped. Better, even. They may have been stuck inside, just the two of them and Hugo, like always, but it wasn’t like any of them had family to visit. They WERE the family now. So, they celebrated like any family would. The day started with them opening gifts under the tree. River was delighted with all of the new manga volumes Hugo had gotten him, and Duncan was pleased with the dance CDs.

Since River and Duncan couldn’t go out alone to shop for anything, and they were no longer able to use the Internet either, they’d needed to MAKE their gifts for each other. Duncan was clearly the better artist of the two, presenting River with a brilliant portrait of a rose garden. River was in awe at the differing textures and light levels present throughout it, but confused by the way Duncan kept snickering.

“Hm?” River asked. “What…?”

“Did you notice?” Duncan asked.

“Er… Notice what?”

“Look at the centers of the roses…” Duncan said, barely holding back snorts of laughter.

River did. The roses all had the expected layers of petals, circling out around one cluster of… Actually, as he looked more closely, that didn’t really resemble a cluster of petals…

The reason that they didn’t resemble clusters of petals, River now realized, was because they WEREN’T clusters of petals. They were floral phalluses. Duncan had painted a field of roses with penises jetting out in the middle of each flower. It was indeed difficult to notice it at first, but once it WAS spotted, it was impossible to unsee it. It was… Funny, but just… “Why?”

“Because it was funny,” Duncan said, laughing more now.

River shrugged. It was still a lovely painting, had clearly taken ages to complete. And, yes, it WAS amusing. Besides, they weren’t going to have anyone over to visit, so there was no reason that they couldn’t hang— No, no, not ‘hang!’, ‘DISPLAY’— it anywhere.

“What is it?” Hugo asked, leaning forwards for a closer look.

“Pfft, heheheh,” Duncan kept up his raucous laughter, bending forwards on himself. “All the flowers have—“ He broke off very abruptly, his giggling ceased, and he got a look of pure panic on his face.

“Duncan? What’s wr—“

Before River could finish, Duncan was crossing his legs and gasping out “E—Excuse me!” He took off for the restroom, palming his crotch along the way.

Duncan was scrambling for the toilet as soon as he’d gotten past the doorway. His boxers felt clammy and warm, the result of a leak that he seriously hadn’t even felt COMING until it had already spilled out of him. Fuck, fuck… He knew that sneezing made him pee now, but hadn’t realized there were other things that could do it.

He yanked his pants down and sat on the toilet seat, his dribbles bursting into a stream. He panted, but not so much from relief. He was just desperately trying to catch his breath after rushing here at breakneck speed. As he sat there, bladder emptying, he examined the damage done to his pants. A dark spot was visible on the crotch of his boxers, but he didn’t think he needed to change them. It wasn’t any worse than what happened if he didn’t ‘shake off’ well enough after a pee.

It wasn’t the severity of the leak that bothered him, it was just the fact that it had happened at all. He’d learned that he needed to be careful when he sneezed, sometimes instinctively grabbing his crotch when he felt one coming just to try and forestall the inevitable drip. That was probably the hardest he’d laughed since he’d escaped the Organization, though. He’d had no idea that laughing was dangerous for his bladder, too!

God… What had happened to his body when those weights slammed into him? He’d had PERFECT control over his bladder up until then! Sure, he’d had a FEW leaks before it, but those had all been brought on by pretty severe desperation. Now, he was dribbling when he didn’t even think he had to go!

He really hoped that, whatever was going on with his holding muscles now would start to get better soon… He stood from the toilet, flushed it and washed his hands off. He stood there a moment longer, recalling how he’d basically freaked out in the living room and run to the toilet like he was escaping from a fire.

River and Hugo both knew about his sneezing issue, but he didn’t want to let on that there were even MORE problems… So, when Duncan returned to them, he sighed and said “Ahhh, sorry about that. I was excited and forgot to go this morning, then it all kinda just hit me.”

Hugo chuckled, “Micah used to do that every Christmas too,” he said fondly.

Duncan, perplexed by the unfamiliar name, looked at River.

“Micah was Hugo’s son,” River explained, briskly pulling something else out from beneath the tree. “A—Anyway, here’s what I got you!”

Duncan didn’t press further. River’s quick change of subject, and his use of the word ‘was’, were enough to tell him everything he needed to know. Duncan took the gift into his hands and unwrapped it, finding a beaded bracelet containing their initials, a rainbow pattern, and a few heart shaped beads. “Yeah, I can’t draw worth shit,” River said. “And I hope to God that actually fits you, and—“

Duncan slipped it on and hugged River, “It’s so sweet!” He gushed, nuzzling him.

“Eheh,” River laughed, leaning into Duncan’s touches.

They each had things to give to Hugo as well, which he was surprised by. River had used the old Polaroid camera to take a bunch of photos around the cabin. He may not have been great at drawing, but photography was a different story. He was able to capture all the familiar objects in such unique ways that Hugo had to pause a couple times to figure out what he was looking at. Duncan had painted him a field of flowers as well, but when he started to scrutinize it, he was assured that this one didn’t have any hidden dicks.

A few hours after the present opening, Hugo went out to get a pizza for dinner. When River asked for pineapple and anchovies as his toppings, Duncan thought he was joking and started to giggle. But, then he realized River was being serious and laughed even harder, so hard that his bladder ejected another unwanted spurt into his clothes. Just like that morning, he stopped cold, went silent and was barely able to keep his hands off his dick as he ran to the toilet.

He was already tugging down his pants while he was shutting the door, feeling more pee resting precariously at the edge of his sphincters. He slammed himself down onto the toilet seat, and didn’t even need to TELL his bladder to let go. He was peeing the instant he felt the porcelain beneath him. But, he felt little in the way of relief. Was he going to have to fight not to soak his pants EVERY time he thought something was a little funny?

He finished after only fifteen seconds, proving that his bladder HADN’T been full at all. He washed off his hands and met up with River again in the living room. “S—Sorry, I guess I’ve been distracted and didn’t notice how much I had to—“

“Do you pee when you laugh?” River interrupted.

Duncan sucked in his cheeks. “I… I didn’t used to…” he said reluctantly.

“Thought so,” River said, glum. “I’m really sorry… It’s not fair that you have to deal with this now.”

“It’s not,” Duncan agreed. “It sucks.”

“I’ve kinda been noticing you… Like… Grab yourself when you sneeze? Does that help any?”

“Yeah,” Duncan said. “It usually makes it stay in, at least— Unless I already had to go really bad. But, even if I hold myself, I’m going to be having an emergency once the sneezing stops. Like, I have a minute to get to the toilet afterwards, otherwise I think I’ll…”

“Okay,” River said. “At least it makes it a little easier, right? Maybe you should try to hold your crotch when you laugh, too?”
Duncan hated having to discuss this. He shouldn’t have needed to come up with strategies to manage his newly fickle bladder. Before, the only time he had to talk about peeing was when he was desperate to do it and needed directions to a toilet. “I guess…” he said.

Hugo got home with the pizzas. River kept trying to convince Duncan to try the toppings he’d selected, to which Duncan continued to refused. They talked a lot as they ate around the table, and it felt like they really WERE just a regular family enjoying Christmas together. Duncan forgot all about the Organization, about being scared, about how they were inside because they HAD to be, and focused only on how good it felt to spend the day with River and Hugo. Apart from his little urinary mishaps, everything had been perfect.

During the evening, they watched some Christmas DVDs on the couch together. Hugo eventually got tired and headed to bed, but Duncan had been so happy all day that he wasn’t ready for it to end. River decided to stay with him, which overjoyed him even further… Particularly because he’d been hopeful that River would have ANOTHER present for him at some point tonight.

He wasn’t going to push for it or anything… But, they’d been together for so many months now, had slept in each other’s arms, had kissed, cuddled, felt one another up… Duncan thought that the right time should be coming SOON, and tonight would be just the perfect occasion.

He couldn’t let himself get TOO excited, though. He didn’t want to get his hopes up high if, like every other night, they simply kissed each other goodnight, snuggling and talking until they fell asleep. Duncan wanted more, was dying for more… Thoughts of River touching him without the barriers of their clothing in the way were sometimes enough to send Duncan running to the restroom to take care of a DIFFERENT urge.

He THOUGHT River wanted it too… River said all the time that he loved him, and had drooled over the sight of his arms on several occasions. He’d caught River staring at his ass when he came back from a shower with nothing but a towel covering it. When they fondled each other over their clothes, River was always moaning and shuddering, showing how much he was enjoying it.

But, there were other things that made Duncan wonder if maybe River didn’t want it. When they got really hot and heavy, Duncan would ALWAYS get hard as a rock within minutes. But, no matter how much he felt River up, no matter how much he got the man to whimper and mewl, Duncan had never felt River’s cock growing in his pants, and he’d been TRYING to, that confirmation that he was turning River on would be irresistible…

River acted like he enjoyed it. He made all the right sounds and all the right expressions, he told Duncan to keep it up… Yet, his body kept telling a different story, and Duncan was confused.

Once Hugo had gone to bed, Duncan cozied up a lot closer to River, putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling him into his body. River blushed and snuggled against him. They kept watching the movies. River commented that he hadn’t liked Christmas movies that much before, since they were usually so cheesy. “But, it feels different watching them with you…”

Duncan’s chest warmed and he kissed River’s cheek, before trailing more kisses along River’s jawline, down his neck. River wriggled, shivering. “Heheh, mmm… That feels good.”

Encouraged, Duncan carried on, kissing River all over his face and neck, stroking his back and reminding him how much he loved him. Something struck him then; River was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Duncan had never believed he’d get to have a REAL relationship with another man, that the best he’d ever manage were meaningless hook-ups that were over as quickly as they began. But, what he and River had was real. They relied on each other, they needed each other. Duncan loved River’s determination and strength, the way he survived in spite of everything life had thrown at him. River loved Duncan’s sense of humor, his playfulness… Things that were finally starting to come back as Duncan started to feel safer.

River was the best thing that had ever happened to him… But he and River had met during the WORST event of Duncan’s life. How could it be that his most painful and most wonderful experiences had happened simultaneously, intertwined?

As Duncan thought this over, and the movie continued on the TV screen, River eventually ended up laying sideways. His head was resting in Duncan’s lap, his arms wrapped around his body. River’s body heat was so warm that it put Duncan in a new state of ease. He wished that this moment never had to end. He didn’t even care if they ended up not having sex again tonight, because everything that was happening now was just so perfect.

Before long, River had started to snore, fast asleep in Duncan’s lap. He looked adorable that way, eye lashes lightly brushing against his cheeks, breaths coming out slow and even, arms still coiled around Duncan and squeezing rather tautly against his bladder—

Okay… That last one wasn’t so cute. And it definitely wasn’t relaxing. Ugh, why hadn’t Duncan noticed that he had to pee until just NOW? And, why did noticing it have to make the urge so much worse? He’d been fine a moment ago, now he was cursing himself for the glasses of water he’d had with dinner, feeling them stretching out inside his bladder.

Should he wake River up…? No, probably not. Peaceful sleep was so hard for either one of them to come by, Duncan wouldn’t DARE take it away from River if he could help it. Duncan could wait until River woke back up… Just so long as he didn’t sneeze or laugh.

He checked which movie was playing now, wondering if it was one that featured any loud scenes. If it was, then perhaps River would wake up and Duncan wouldn’t have to feel quite so bad about it. But, few Christmas films were all that noisy, and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was a fairly quiet one. Hell, many of the songs would make alright lullabies. He didn’t think THIS would wake River up.

Not helping Duncan’s situation was the need to keep himself still. He didn’t want to be the one responsible for waking River up, and since he was coiled around his body, any jiggling or squirming would likely disturb him. His need for the toilet, which was already somewhat severe when he’d noticed it, had grown exponentially in the time since.

Duncan’s lips thinned as he hitched his hips just the slightest bit— Enough to take a little of the pressure away from his sphincters, but not enough to rouse River. His hands fluttered uselessly around his waist, River’s head still nestled in his lap and blocking him from being able to adjust his pants or pinch his urethra closed. His thighs pressed together until he felt them starting to cramp.

He told himself River would probably wake up soon. His position didn’t even look that comfy, so he couldn’t sleep for THAT long.

Half an hour later, with his bladder feeling nearly engorged from the pressure, Duncan was worrying that River was going to keep him pinned here for the rest of the night. As soon as that thought had presented itself, a far more worrying one chased it away; River wouldn’t keep him pinned here all night, because Duncan would wet his pants before morning came. River would DEFINITELY spring awake when his ‘pillow’ suddenly got warm and sopping wet while emitting a loud hissing sound.

A stabbing pulse from his bladder made Duncan jolt slightly in his seat, grinding himself against the cushion as subtly as he could manage. He looked back at the TV, trying to focus on IT instead of his bladder. He did his best to focus on Rudolph encountering the Island of Misfit Toys, only for his midsection to spasm so startlingly that he had to fling his upper body backwards to give his bloated ball of piss some space, hissing through his clenched teeth.
The swollen, tense lump encompassing his lower abdomen COULDN’T find enough room, though. The weight of River’s head in his lap was like placing cinderblocks atop his bladder, and he couldn’t get away from it. It all felt so heavy on his sphincters, muscles weakening beneath the strain. “Hfff…” he exhaled, trying to take in little puffs of air, as if that would calm the rest of his body down.

It didn’t. A small dribble of pee squirted free from his urethra. It wasn’t enough to leave a stain on his pants, but he could feel the wet patch on his boxers already. He ground his teeth together, bit down hard against a groan, and another trickle of heat jetted forth. He bounced lightly, unable to stop himself.

He felt another pulsing throb radiate from within his bladder, and he drummed his fingertips onto the couch’s armrest, for lack of anything more helpful to do. He leaked twice more, feeling the wet patch on his underwear growing ever larger. ‘Just… Just watch the stupid movie…’ he ordered himself. ‘Watch it, and forget about peeing.’

He made another attempt. He’d seen this thing loads of times, and he couldn’t recall any part of it that should make his bladder feel any worse, thankfully. He couldn’t think of any scenes involving water falls, or rivers, or toilets… Except, now he was just THINKING about water falls, rivers and toilets— Especially that LAST thing.

He was thinking about how there was a toilet right down the hall. He was thinking about how he could see the open door from his current position. He was thinking about how it would take him a maximum of ten steps to get there and empty himself. He was thinking about how GOOD that would feel…

God… It would feel amazing… He wanted nothing more than to rip down his pants and collapse onto the bowl, gushing away for all he was worth, his stream echoing with its force. If only the seat he was on right NOW were a toilet, if only River had fallen asleep on him in the bathroom instead, then he could just let it all out and stop feeling so bloated…

His bladder enjoyed his fantasy a little too much, its walls crumbling inwards and squeezing out another leak. This one carried on for several seconds, and he fought hard to clamp it off. He could do nothing to stem his spill apart from tightening up his already tensed thighs and gritting his muscles so hard that they burned. Eventually, it did cease, but he was sure the crotch of his pants looked wet now.

‘Ohhh, please wake up, River…’ Duncan pleaded silently. Maybe he SHOULD just shake him? This was getting really, really bad! River would certainly be more upset if he got woken up because Duncan pissed on him than if he got woken up because Duncan nudged him…

He reached for River, tapped his shoulder. “River…?” He whispered. He wasn’t sure why he was being so gentle, so soft, when he wanted River up and moving NOW. “River… Come on…” he said, poking him again. “I’m practically wetting myself… You have to let me up…”

***

‘I’m practically wetting myself!’ River thought, panic coursing through him. He was immensely confused by several things. First, and most troublingly, he could feel his long pigtails touching his shoulders, could feel a weight in his chest that was both foreign and somehow familiar, and the crotch of his pants was disturbingly empty. Second, he was at school, a place he hadn’t been to in several years. Third, his teacher had just said something about his Mom, as if his Mom was even a part of his life…

But, River didn’t think he had the time, nor the brainpower, to waste on figuring all of this out. His bladder was bloated and hard as a rock, and if he didn’t get to a fucking toilet soon, he wouldn’t NEED to figure out what had happened to his body, because it would be scattered all over the place in tiny, urine-flecked pieces.

He held himself and wriggled in his chair, his heart thumping in his ears as he did so. He was panicking from how bad he had to pee, and also from how his crotch felt beneath his hands. Something EXTREMELY important was missing. He could feel he was wearing short sleeves, and when he turned his head to look, the scar on his arm was gone too…

Christ, what was happening? Had he dreamed everything about the last several years of his life? The part with that Organization HAD been pretty surreal, so maybe…

Was he going to have to do it ALL over again? Come out to his parents, try to reason with them, try to get off the Estrogen… Would they react better than they had in his dream? He didn’t think so… He’d be homeless again, have to find someone to live with, since apparently Hugo was just a dream. Would he find someone as kind as Hugo, someone as willing to help him with his surgeries as Hugo?

Ohhh, God, and what about Duncan?! Duncan wasn’t real, either?! He didn’t have someone who loved him after all? Fuck, of course that had been a dream, Duncan had been too good to be true… Hugo, too… Fuck, fuck, he wanted his old life back, a lot of it had sucked, but it had been HIS—

A gasp fell from River’s lips as his bladder sent two hot spurts of piss into his… Well, he wasn’t going to check, but he was probably wearing panties… He clutched his hands against himself with more fervor when a stream started to slosh out. He crossed his legs beneath his desk, clenching his muscles, eyes welling with tears.

He needed the toilet, he could figure the rest out after he’d gone… What— What was happening now? What did he need to do to get himself to a bathroom? He finally looked up from his lap, gazed around the classroom. He recognized it as his homeroom from eighth grade. Shit… What classes had he been taking in eighth grade? God dammit, if there was a fucking test today he was going to set something on fire… And then not put it out, even though he was full of enough piss to do the job easily.

Okay, okay… It didn’t look like it was a test day. Actually, there were cookies and stuff out on some of the desks, and a TV sitting on a cart at the front of the room. It was a party day, so at least he wouldn’t have to actually go to school while he figured his situation out. And, more importantly, it should be easier to get to a restroom…

Dear fucking GOD he needed a restroom…

The TV was turned on, it started playing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which meant Christmas was coming up, so he at least knew what month it was… His situation started to feel a LITTLE more familiar now that the movie was on, although he wasn’t sure why.

Nor did he care. He needed an empty bladder NOW. He struggled onto his feet, and it sort of felt almost like he had to REMEMBER how to hold it in with his old parts…? He didn’t bother moving his hands away from his crotch as he hobbled to the teacher’s desk and blurted out his request for the restroom. The teacher took way too damned long to respond, and River crossed his left leg over his right as he waited.

“Go ahead,” she said, waving him off.

River rushed for the door and threw it open, cursing madly under his breath as he tried his best to remember the layout of his high school. Where the fuck were the toilets? Christ! He must have made mad dashes to them at least four times a day when he’d been a teenager, how could he have forgotten their locations?!

He turned around a corner and managed to remember this hallway, and that there would be a restroom if he turned to the left at the end of it. He made an odd, limping walk down the hall, taking care to keep his legs pinched together as he moved. At last, he saw the doors he needed, and placed his hand on the one marked with a blue stick-man. Thank God… He’d never been so relieved to see a men’s—

Oh… Fuck, that was right…

Grumbling, he went to the OTHER door, and jiggled its handle. Locked. “You’ve gotta be shitting me…” he muttered. Not like he wanted to use the girls’ anyway… He returned to the FIRST door and tried to open IT up, but it refused to budge as well.

And then it struck River why this situation felt so familiar. It was the last day of eighth grade before Winter break, he’d had too much fruit punch at the party. When the class sat down to watch Rudolph, he was hit with a powerful need to urinate… And then he’d spent the rest of the day flailing around in desperation and yanking on door handles because the school had decided, in all its brilliance, to lock some of the rooms up EARLY for the break. And, of course, they’d decided to pick the ones MOST important to River.

How had that ended…? Right, he’d eventually gotten so pissed off and needy that he’d gone out the back door of the school, dragged himself to the little bit of woods behind it, tore down his pants, crouched, and watered the everliving crap out of a poor, defenseless bush. Nobody had caught him doing it, and when he’d gotten back up he’d flipped off the school building for driving him to it…

So, should he just skip straight to THAT part and avoid all of the mindless running around and pulling on locked doors…? His bladder blazed within him, telling him that that was the PERFECT plan…

***

“River…” Duncan whined, jostling River’s shoulder more sharply. “Come onnnn… I’m bursting!” He was beginning to feel LESS bad about getting River up, and NOT because he was having such an awful emergency. River had begun to fidget around in his sleep, his expression going pinched. It was clear he was having a nightmare and would APPRECIATE being woken up.

Duncan had given up on quelling his squirms, he jiggled his legs and tried his best to reach a hand past River’s head so he could grab at himself. Finally, he shoved River harder and the other’s eyes popped open. Wild and frantic, his pupils darted around the room as his breathing went from completely panicked to only SORT OF panicked.

“River, let me up, I need—“

“I have to go piss!” River interrupted, lurching up onto his feet, before stumbling and stomping them against the floor, hands flung between his legs. Duncan watched as he grabbed himself, watched his expression visibly slacken with relief, his breaths evening out as he squeezed away. “Oh… Thank fuck…” he muttered, confusing Duncan to no end, as it wasn’t like he was at the toilet, peeing yet…

“You need to go, too?” Duncan whimpered out, now grabbing his own dick with both hands. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had a gallon stored inside himself, judging by the overwhelming pain in his bladder.

“Like crazy!” River said. “I’ll— You go in the toilet, I’ll use the sink.”

“We can BOTH use the—“

“It’ll be easier for you to sit this way,” River reasoned. “I’ll just…”

“I’ll— I’ll stand this time, if you’re with me it won’t be as scary to face away from the door.”

The decision made, they both struggled to the restroom, hands clutched between tensed thighs. River was reaching beneath his waistband before they’d passed the doorway, and Duncan let out three more dribbly spurts hobbling up to the toilet.

River aimed himself, a droplet plinking into the bowl, followed by two more as he jumped in place and waited for Duncan to free himself as well. Once Duncan was in the right position, River stopped holding back, releasing a torrent that far outmatched the one he’d doused the bush with in eighth grade.

Duncan’s stream crashed into the bowl beside River’s, ripping a loud moan from his throat as waves of piss were evacuated from his bladder. It felt even better than he’d been imagining, everything in him was loosening, losing all its tension. His shoulders, his back, his poor, poor bladder… His thighs, his knees, his legs—

He started to go a little wobbly… The muscles in charge of holding him upright relaxing SO much that they were forgetting they still had a job to do. He pissed sitting down so often now that he was used to just letting EVERYTHING fall apart when he went, he wavered, trying not to let his legs fall asleep.

River had both hands on his dick, but he let one go when he noticed Duncan wavering. He assumed the guy was just sleepy, so he put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steadier until he was done.

River finished first, and Duncan tapered off a few seconds later, exhaling loudly and stumbling backwards against the wall, grinning. “I…” he panted out. “I… I like cuddling you… But if you’re gonna fall asleep… warn me so I can pee first…”

River laughed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trap you.”

“It’s okay… Hey, were you having a bad dream?”

“Not… Not exactly,” River said. “I had to pee really bad, so I kinda just had a dream about ANOTHER time I had to pee really bad back at school… And I was, like, super confused because my body was… Like it WAS, and I thought I’d just dreamed everything about the last few years, since…”

“Since the Organization sounds like something out of a nightmare?” Duncan guessed.

“That, and because sometimes I think you and Hugo are too good to be true.”

“Aww…” Duncan held him. “MOSTLY me, right?”

“Eheh, yeah… Mostly you.”

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hugo had been thinking about what would be good for River and Duncan’s next trip outside. So far, it seemed they did a little bit better in places that were a little crowded and filled with witnesses, but ALSO quiet and without any sudden noises. It was tricky to find spots like that. The Christmas tree lot had been a good one, too bad it wasn’t open all of the time.

The two main ideas he came up with were taking them to a library, or to a museum. Those locations would definitely be quiet, but he would have to choose a day where he could be reasonably certain a lot of visitors would be present.

He decided to try the history museum out on a Saturday, that seemed to be the best option. River and Duncan both agreed, the museum should be the perfect place for them to spend a couple hours.

The drive to it was long, however. River and Duncan had both relieved themselves before leaving the cabin and, while that was enough to satiate Duncan’s bladder for a good long while, an hour long drive gave River’s time to fill back up pretty considerably. Hugo had been talking to them about all the different exhibits and time periods, asking them about which spots they’d like to see first.

Duncan kept mentioning that he wanted to see old sculptures from the Greeks or the Romans, and River said “The first thing I gotta see is the restroom, actually.”

“River, did you go before we left?” Hugo asked.

“Yes, of course I did,” River said. “But, it’s been, like, an hour. So I kinda need to go again.”

“Okay…” Hugo said, glancing at the clock. It HAD been an hour since they’d left, longer than he’d thought. And that generally WAS plenty of time for River to start feeling a slight urge for relief.

It took Hugo some time to find a spot in the large parking garage across from the museum. He had to go up a few floors before he found a vacant one. This part of town had so many things to do, it was usually crowded on the weekends. River got more uncomfortable the longer they drove around in circles and was very pleased when the car finally stopped. Now that he’d voiced his need for the toilet, he couldn’t stop thinking about peeing, making himself more eager for it.

Leaving the parking garage gave River and Duncan the creeps. Even with the sun out, it was pretty dark. The corners were filled with shadows, hard to tell if anything was lurking in them. If it weren’t for all the other people walking around, they would have been beyond terrified.

When they got to the museum, Hugo paid for the tickets and led River and Duncan inside. “Okay, so we can go to the—“

“Still gotta pee,” River interrupted. His voice was calm, not betraying any urgency. He didn’t FEEL urgent, just uncomfortable enough to want to let his piss out before he got busy with anything else.

“Right, right,” Hugo said. “Toilets first.” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “And, we’ll both go in with you, okay?”

River nodded. He’d been hoping that they would. He also hoped the men’s room would have at least a few OTHER people in it. So long as the restroom was bustling, and he could hear sinks running, toilets flushing, streams trickling… So long as activity was taking place and he wasn’t alone in dead-quiet, trying to relax and pee, he knew that he’d be able to go.

But, then they got TO the restrooms, and River didn’t think he’d be able to go after all.

The men’s room had a sign tacked to it; Out of Order.

Frowning, River tried the door anyway, and discovered it was locked. His bladder throbbed, angry at having its relief taken away. Knowing there were toilets behind that door made him want to use one that much more.

Hugo watched him struggle with the door, worrying that his need was a lot worse than he was letting on. He looked at River’s feet, anxiously twitching on the floor. Then, he turned to the door for the women’s room. He heard a toilet flush inside of it, saw River flinch at the noise, and when a woman exited a moment later, Hugo rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh… If the guys’ is closed…” he said. “I’ve used the ladies’ a few times, actually. And, I mean, it’s been fine… Everyone gets that it’s just… What happens if the other one isn’t working.”

Duncan looked at River, concerned. HE had used the women’s room once before, he’d been at a bar that mostly catered to gay guys. Naturally, the line for the men’s was enormous while no one at all was waiting for the women’s. Duncan had been bursting, taken one look at the line, and just KNEW that he’d wet his pants waiting in it. So, he’d gone into the women’s, taken a stall, peed, and no one had cared. Granted, a gay bar was probably one of the last places on Earth where someone WOULD care, but still…

He had reason to believe that this was more complicated for River. During a few of their late-night talks as they’d fallen asleep, River had mentioned that it used to be really common for him to have ‘issues’ using public bathrooms… He hadn’t ever elaborated on what those ‘issues’ were, but Duncan could certainly GUESS.

“So,” Hugo said. “If you… I mean, we’ll still go in WITH you if you need us to. And I can even check first if there’s anybody in there…”

River looked at the women’s room door, too. There were toilets in there, and the ONLY difference was the sign, and the lack of urinals affixed to the wall… He got spooked if he shut the door to a stall, so he could just leave it open while he used it…

But, there were all those… THINGS that had happened when he’d been homeless.

Back then, River was never sure which bathroom to use. No one could tell what he was, he caught people staring at him often enough, caught them trying to figure him out. He’d been off his Estrogen for so long that he had a fuzzy face, his shoulders were broad, and when he spoke what came out was a decidedly unfeminine voice. He’d cut his hair short, and he dressed like a guy.

But, then he had the breasts. His parents had forced the Estrogen and T-blockers into him for long enough that he’d developed fairly large breasts that couldn’t be hidden beneath just a shirt. He’d seen it several times, people would look from his face, down to his chest, and then back and forth over and over. Usually, what would cross their expression then would be disgust.

Public restrooms were River’s only option when he wanted to use a toilet, since he didn’t have a home to return to. Sometimes, he’d be lucky and find a gender-neutral one, but those were rare. So, most of the time he’d have to pick a door and hope for the best. And he really had to hope, because most places he was able to go weren’t safe.

No matter which restroom he chose, there was usually a problem. Women shouting at him and demanding to know what he thought he was doing, men calling him a faggot and threatening to beat him up. A couple times, he actually WAS beaten, and then the worst part was needing to pay to take his clothes to the laundromat after the assault had caused him to soil himself.

Once he’d had security called on him, and was forced to explain his condition at great length to a bunch of strangers while crossing his legs and trying not to wet his pants. After that was finally over, the security guard informed him that the appropriate restroom for him to use was ‘neither one’. When the guard had walked off, he overheard the man talking into his radio. ‘Yeah, I got the bathroom thing sorted out, I told it to leave.’

It.

And then, the woman who’d reported him told him that he could go pee outside ‘like the other animals.’

The worst part was, after a while, River stopped getting all that upset when these things happened. He’d come to expect them. He’d come to see himself as an animal, just like that woman had said. A mangy, disgusting stray dog that was too loathsome and broken to ever be loved. The kind of dog that rotted in the back of the pound for months until it was finally put to sleep to make room for more deserving creatures. River wasn’t a human, he’d been disqualified from the species, he even BEHAVED like a mutant dog sometimes.

He ate out of dumpsters, drank out of puddles, consumed things that a regular dog wouldn’t even touch. When he had actual food, he devoured it and glanced with paranoia at all who came close, fearing that they’d steal it from him if he didn’t swallow every last morsel as fast as he could. He saw everyone who came close as a threat, but he allowed himself to be used by them if it meant the possibility of food. He got into fights, and he even growled at people.

He wasn’t a human. He was a creature that had crawled up from the depths beneath the Earth, and even his own parents hadn’t been able to figure out a reason to love him.

For a while after the ‘like the other animals’ incident, River did just exclusively relieve his bladder outside. It was scary to unclothe himself in dark alleys, it was scary to crouch and be so vulnerable until he was through peeing. But, he’d learned his lesson; Toilets were for humans, and he didn’t count as one of those.

One night, after a group of teens had decided it would be hilarious to break a bottle on River’s arm while he slept, he had to use his planned food money to buy things to clean the wound. He got peroxide and some medical bandages and tape. When he felt how tight the bandages were, he had another idea. He wrapped them around his chest as firmly as they’d go, and fixed them in place with the tape. When he put his shirt back on, he was mostly flat.

And the next day when he had to pee, he tried to use an actual bathroom. When he went into the men’s room, no one gave him trouble. No one ever did again. The bandages hurt like Hell. If he turned in the wrong direction, inhaled too deeply, or moved too fast, it would feel like he was being crushed. But, he didn’t dare take them off. They were there to stay. People thought he was a human if he had them on.

He couldn’t use the women’s bathroom now, no matter how badly he had to go. Security could be called again. And, even if now the only thing he’d have to explain was “It’s an emergency, the guys’ is out of order and I just need to pee,” he never wanted to talk to security over using the restroom again. He never wanted to be called an animal again, to hear people referring to him as an ‘it’. Maybe the last two things wouldn’t happen this time, but that wasn’t enough for him to risk it.

He would hold it.

He shook his head. “No,” he told Hugo. “I’ll just wait until we’re back home. I don’t even need to go that much.” He wasn’t even lying really. His urge was a constant low thrum, always there and drawing his attention. It wasn’t urgent, though.

He just knew that, when he needed to pee, it tended to BECOME urgent rather quickly…

He would be okay, though. He was sure of it.

The first half hour of the trip went well, River and Duncan both felt very comfortable with their surroundings. There were lots of people, but they were all quiet. No sudden bangs or squeals made either of them jump. It was nice.

After about an hour though, River was a little LESS comfortable. His bladder was becoming less of an annoyance and more of an actual problem. He was now trying his best to distract himself with all the sights of the museum. They were currently in an area that was focused on American pioneers, looking at a display that showed items which would have been in their cabins.

Some of it reminded River of his OWN cabin, the appliances and things were just a lot more modern where he lived. And the pioneers didn’t own any DVD players or mangas.

He glanced around the exhibit. The giant cooking stove was sort of interesting, because he hadn’t known people used them to warm up their houses before heating systems existed. Yep. Definitely not thinking about peeing. The spinning wheel was kind of cool. Nope. River was not gonna think about peeing. Oh, the pattern of the quilt on the bed was nice, and River was not imagining himself in front of a toilet at all. Those pillows sure looked fluffy, and River didn’t even want a urinal THAT much. He was fine, he was fine. He was perfectly fine, and he wasn’t thinking about peeing. In fact, he was doing such a good job distracting himself that he had forgotten what peeing even was! It was like his bladder didn’t exist anymore!

He spotted a white bowl with a tiny handle on its side. It looked like a giant coffee mug. It was set right next to the bed. River knew what it was, and he knew what it was for. He knew he shouldn’t look at it. He knew he shouldn’t linger on it. He knew he shouldn’t imagine himself as a young farm worker during the times of the pioneers, waking up far too early, and far too full of pee. He knew he shouldn’t imagine himself then pulling that little bowl thing out from beneath his bed, lifting up his night-shift and relaxing as liquid poured from his tip and into the receptacle. He knew he shouldn’t imagine putting the bowl back underneath the bed, nuzzling beneath the warm quilt and falling back asleep, nice and comfy again.

He imagined it all anyway.

He even imagined just climbing over the rope, into the exhibit, picking up that pot and using it for what was probably the first time since, like, the 1800s. That was what it was FOR after all, wasn’t it? He may not be able to bash down the locked door of the men’s room and use a regular, modern urinal, but he could EASILY climb over a rope and use the old chamber pot!

Hugo had told him the museum had security cameras, though. That had been comforting at the time, but now that he was fantasizing about doing something that he didn’t want filmed, he didn’t think he liked the cameras anymore.

Besides that, there were lots of other people milling around the museum, plenty of people to watch as River did something that was both disgusting and wrong. He would DEFINITELY have security called on him if he pissed in the pot, and THIS time it would be completely justified.

He shook his head, the whole idea had been absurd. He had to forget the pot was there, had to forget that anything existed within his vicinity which he could, theoretically, relieve himself into. He glanced at the little note cards set in front of the exhibit. He tried his best to ignore the one for the pot, but to his dismay, it was the only one his eyes were willing to scan over.

‘CHAMBER POT

‘Chamber’ was a term which meant ‘bedroom’. Chamber pots were small, portable toilets meant to be used during the night. They were typically kept beneath a person’s bed, and were in common use in many parts of the world prior to indoor plumbing.

Chamber pots have existed since at least the 6th century BC and were common until the mid 1900s.

In those days, people may have found it quite convenient to be able to relieve their bladders in the comfort of their bed, if you were to try that now, you’d have to change your sheets!’

River really wished they hadn’t put that LAST sentence in there, it was making him REALLY have to clench up his thighs!

Duncan had kept hold of River’s hand this whole time, and furrowed his brow as River started to waver. “Mmmf… Wr—Wrong?” He managed.

River shook his head. “Noth—Nothing’s wrong. Just shouldn’t have been looking at the chamber pot is all, it’s giving me funny ideas.”

Duncan nodded. “Go?”

It took River a second to figure out what exactly Duncan meant from just that one word. It had quite a few DIFFERENT meanings to River in that moment. “Not THAT bad,” he said.

“Mmnn… Leave?”

Oh. He’d meant that sort of ‘go’. River shook his head. “I’ll be alright. Just gotta stop looking at the pot is all.”

Hugo heard them whispering, delighted that Duncan must have said at least ONE word for River to respond to him. “What are you talking about?”

River forced a smile. “Nothing. Just ready to move on.”

They continued through the museum. They passed a replica of an old outhouse. It looked a lot like the one that existed in the woods near their cabin. The memory of how he’d basically drowned the urinal inside that thing weighed heavily on River’s bladder. Again. He wanted to feel that way again. River was sure that if he pushed open the door on that one though, there wouldn’t even be anything inside. His bladder throbbed and urged him to at least go CHECK.

He started to really wish that the museum hadn’t included things about how people in the past relieved themselves. Especially if they were going to lock up the one place River could relieve himself right here and now in the present. There WERE lots of things in all the exhibit rooms that WEREN’T related to urination, but try as he might, all River could focus on were the chamber pots resting in the bedroom displays, the urine bottles located in some of the others… When they got to a room which talked about Rome, instead of looking at any of the old statues and columns, he couldn’t take his eyes away from an illustration on the wall.

It was just one image in a sea of many, and it showed a big open room with long rows flanking each side. The rows all had a series of circular holes cut out of them, and the illustration showed two men sitting over a couple of the holes.

Of course River, again, knew what the image was showing and he knew better than to look at it or think about it. Of course River, again, couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t stop himself from reading the text placed beside the image, either. Stuff about how, in ancient Rome, relieving oneself openly and surrounded by people was seen as totally normal. All the seats faced inwards, turning the bathroom into a social environment. The toga allowed a person to move up the cloth and still stay covered while using the toilet, which allowed for some privacy. This meant that men urinated while seated. There was some stuff after that about how other things were handled before the invention of toilet paper, which River managed NOT to read.

The issue was, he’d only stopped reading because he was deep in a fantasy again. One in which he was suddenly zapped by some sort of big laser and sent through time, back to ancient Rome, appearing suddenly right in front of one of these restrooms. He imagined being confused, but so overwhelmed by the relief of having a place to pee that he decided not to worry about the time-travel thing until after his bladder was empty.

Assuming he stayed in the same clothes he had on now, rather than a toga, he wouldn’t be able to stay covered while he sat on the toilet. So, he’d stand up to go like he always did, gushing a stream into one of the holes. Anyone else in there would be surprised by his presence, by how different he looked from them, by how different his clothing was, by how differently he peed… But none of that would matter, because River’s bladder would be shrinking away and he’d be feeling so much better, and he just wouldn’t have to hold another drop—

Drip…

Speaking of drops, he felt one warmly soak into the front of his boxers, and his daydream collapsed in on itself as he gave a few urgent hops to try and calm his bladder back down. There wasn’t really a hole carved into a stone block right in front of him. His pants weren’t really unzipped. He wasn’t really allowed to go.

He had to hold it.

So, River did.

He was, in a way, a little proud of himself. The amount of people around him, and the quietness of the space, was making him feel safe. He felt more relaxed than he had during any of his previous outings. Really, if it weren’t for his bladder aching so much, he thought he’d be perfectly fine.

Duncan was even talking a bit. Just, single words at a time. But still!

River started to jiggle his leg where he stood. His urge to go was worsening, he felt a sharp sensation at the base of his dick. It really WAS about time for him to start really thinking about where he’d go for his next piss. Thinking REALISTICALLY about where he’d go for his next piss, anyway. Flooding museum artifacts and hoping for a time-travel beam to hit him wasn’t at all realistic.

THAT men’s room may have been out of order, but maybe there was another one. There probably would be, right? On the second floor? River could hold it until they got up there, even if he WAS feeling uncomfortable now. The waistband of his pants was feeling tighter than it had that morning, and the area between his thighs was getting a little sweaty.

Duncan had finished reading all of the text on the wall— Though he wished he HADN’T read the paragraph about the Roman’s version of ‘toilet paper’. He turned to River, who seemed to be done as well, so he started to walk him off to look at the statues more closely.

Duncan liked the statues a lot. Since he enjoyed art, it was fun to see works that had stood the test of time like this. It was so cool that the statues had been carved hundreds and hundreds of years ago, but hadn’t gotten broken too badly or just crumbled to bits yet. Also—

Well. Yeah. Okay. So, MAYBE the main reason Duncan liked them so much was, honestly, just because a lot of them were of hot, naked guys. But, so what? Someone a really, really long time ago, had decided that those dicks were all important enough to carve them out of marble and immortalize them forever. Why SHOULDN’T Duncan appreciate them?

River could see that, with every statue they passed, Duncan would give a cursory glance to most areas, and then fixate on the chests and crotches for a bit before moving onto the next one.

‘Oh, Duncan, you’re such a perv, you know that?’ River thought fondly. He actually liked that about his partner. He liked how Duncan didn’t often try to HIDE when he felt turned on. He liked how it compelled him to make comments to River about his body. GOOD comments— Telling him he was sexy, drooling over him, statements like “Well, YEAH, of course I’m gonna get hard if you come in here without a shirt! You’re ridiculously hot!” And, knowing that Duncan MEANT all of it, that he truly DID love River’s body.

That was something River had never experienced before. His whole life, his body had been something disgusting, defective, and wrong. It had been something he was supposed to be ashamed of. Before Duncan, the closest he’d come to having someone be attracted to him had been ‘clients’ talking to him about how ‘fascinating’ it was to be with… With a…

River didn’t like to remember the word they all used for him.

They’d never been attracted to him, really. They’d just thought his condition was interesting. Something to check off a sexual bucket list.

Duncan wasn’t like that, he really did love River, he really was attracted to him. And River loved and felt attracted to Duncan. He really wanted to start ACTING on that attraction more soon, and he hoped he could. He thought he’d maybe come close to saying “Let’s get our clothes out of the way, I want more!” a couple times now, but he kept holding it back. He didn’t want this to be the case, and he couldn’t even understand why it WAS, but River was scared to get physical with Duncan. He couldn’t understand how he could WANT Duncan’s touch so badly, yet be afraid of it at the same time.

He was grateful Duncan hadn’t tried to PUSH him into going further yet, though he knew his boyfriend wanted more intimacy just as badly as he did…

River was drawn out of his thoughts by a more urgent tingle in his bladder. Instinctively, all of his muscles tensed up, including the ones in the hand joined with Duncan’s.

Duncan flinched at being squeezed so firmly. “Mmmf…”

“S—Sorry,” River said, shifting his weight around as the spasm passed over him. “You like these statues?”

Duncan nodded.

He wasn’t talking again…

“I bet I can guess which parts you like best…” River said.

Duncan smiled, a small laugh leaving his mouth. He could admit that his staring had been pretty obvious. And he’d noticed River had been looking at the crotches as well.

River HAD been glancing, but for a different reason. His need for the restroom was starting to overwhelm his mind again, so he kept imagine the figures the statues depicted sitting on those stone toilets, peeing away. He hadn’t thought about it before, but those old bathrooms in ancient Rome were probably awfully loud, right? A big circle of people all gushing out their streams at the same time, not even any doors to muffle the sounds?

River pictured himself in Rome. He’d been very, very busy all day. He’d spent hours being forced to stand perfectly still, posing as Duncan carved a statue of him. The statue had come out beautifully, but having to stay still for so long had taken its toll. River was as desperate as could be! He had to hurry along a very far distance, carrying his bursting bladder so painfully in his center. But, then he finally found a bathroom. His body got loose as he dashed into it, but with dismay, he saw that EVERY toilet already had someone sitting on it. All of the other men were releasing long, loud waterfalls of urine, making the room sound like an aqueduct. Since there wasn’t any privacy, River could see the relief present on all of their faces, and all he could do was stand there in the middle of it, squirming and stomping his feet as he begged for someone to finish and let him have a turn! But, they just kept going, for minutes upon minutes, as River’s pain worsened, and he started to—

River snapped out of the daydream at the same time his legs snapped together. “Ooof…”

Hugo, who’d been looking at the statues on the other side of the room, heard River’s wince and came to his side. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” River said. “I keep… Getting a little distracted.”

“By needing to pee?” Hugo guessed.

River said nothing.

“We can go,” Hugo said. “If it’s getting bad for you, you don’t need to keep waiting.”

River nibbled on his lip. He didn’t WANT to cut the trip short, so far this was the calmest he’d felt outside of the cabin! But, he really WAS starting to get desperate. The ache in his bladder was becoming a much more solid pain. “There might be another restroom upstairs,” he reasoned. “Let’s just check before we leave.”

“Okay,” Hugo said.

River, who was NOT looking forward to having to climb up the stairs, followed Hugo towards them. Hugo easily ascended them, and River tried his best to do the same, but lifting his foot and placing it onto the FIRST step sent a ripple through his bladder, made him cringe and adjust his fly uncomfortably. His hand gripped tighter around Duncan’s.

Duncan flinched, but squeezed back. He took the first step as well, then coaxed River along up the rest of the staircase. River winced, shuddered and gasped the entire time. His legs didn’t want to move that way! It kept making the muscles around his bladder strain! He felt the liquid slosh and bubble within him, felt like his piss was frothing and burning the walls of his bladder. Oooh, he needed to go! Simply going up the stairs had sent his need from ‘bad, but manageable’ to ‘urgent and painful!’

He was hoping that the restrooms would be right NEAR the staircase, but they weren’t. Hugo glanced around, then pointed in a random direction and said “Let’s check this way first.”

Trying to stay optimistic, trying to believe that there WOULD be a toilet for him very soon, River walked beside him. He kept squeezing Duncan, his nails digging into his boyfriend’s skin.

“Mnnnn…” Duncan winced. “River…”

River looked down, realized he was scratching Duncan, and tried to loosen up. He was just so tense, though! The need thundering through his bladder made ALL of his muscles want to pull taut to keep anything from leaking out! “S—Sorry, just… Gotta go.”

Duncan nodded. ‘I’m sure you can make it…’ he thought.

They passed through a few more rooms, many of them having objects or images that made River think about peeing. There was one room that featured uniforms from some place that existed a really long time ago in another country. The uniforms were cool, but then there was a glass box full of items the soldiers had used, including an object labeled as a ‘urinal bottle’, for use when one of the soldiers was bedridden with an injury or severe illness.

Against his will, River was imagining himself as a soldier in one of those uniforms. He was supposed to guard something, but his leg had gotten broken, so he had to stay in bed until he healed. He had to go pee very, very badly, and the urinal bottle was on the other side of the room where he couldn’t reach it. The belts on those uniforms all looked thick and tight, so River imagined the strap straining hard against his full bladder as he tried so hard to hold it in. He could actually feel it, he could feel his bladder being dug into, being cut open, the belt trying to slice him apart and send his urine spraying.

When he managed to rip himself out of that daydream, they had gotten to a different room, and River was feeling sort of bad for those soldiers. They had probably ended up having to do lots of stuff that offered no time for piss breaks, right? And if those belts felt as awful on a full bladder as River THOUGHT they did…

He suddenly wondered if any of those soldiers had ever had an accident. And not like an ‘I almost got shot! I got so scared that I pissed my pants’ sort of accident, either. More of an ‘Ahhhh! I haven’t peed in so long, I can’t wait anymore, it’s coming out!’ kind.

They passed through a few more rooms, but nowhere did River see a sign designated what he needed. He did, unfortunately, see a few more references to historical toilets, but not a single one that he was allowed to use.

The only men’s room was on the first floor.

The only men’s room was out of order.

River’s bladder cramped up hard at the realization that he was inside a building that had LOTS of toilets, but had no place for him to get relief. It made him sort of panic, and he tugged the waistband of his pants away from his full bladder, uncomfortably fidgeting in place, hopping where he stood.

“Starting to become an emergency?” Hugo asked.

“Y—Yes!” River said. “I can make it home, but only if we leave now, okay?”

“No problem, you’ll be alright…” Hugo assured him. They went back towards the staircase but, recalling how much River had struggled with it, he turned down the corridor for the elevators instead. “This should be a little easier for you,” he said, hitting the button.

The doors dinged open and River scrambled inside. His hands went between his legs as they closed. Now that he, Hugo and Duncan were alone, he saw no reason not to hold himself. Except, now he was inside a very small, narrow space, with the door shut. No way out…

But, they were STILL the only people here! No one could appear to harm him in here! It was safe, but he was just… Locked in. He was in a place that he couldn’t easily leave right away. The series of locked doors he’d been imprisoned behind by the Organization rushed back to him, and he really, REALLY wanted out…

Duncan huddled closer to him, and River could tell he was feeling the same way. River’s heart pounded as he felt the elevator descend. Dread flooded into him alongside the awful memories of being locked away. Trapped. Stuck. What if the elevator got jammed, and then he really WAS stuck? Stuck like THIS, filled with urine, nowhere to let it out?

If… If this fucking thing got stuck, that would be it. If it remained stuck for very long— If it passed the half hour mark— Then River was going to say ‘fuck it, any reasonable person would understand, at most we’ll just have to pay for the cleaning supplies’. And then he was going to unzip and make a puddle on the floor. The floor was tiled, so it wouldn’t even be that much work to mop it.

If the elevator got stuck for a long time, that was the only reasonable course of action to take. The only other option would be to wet both the floor AND himself, either way there would be a puddle. At least one choice let him escape with dry clothes.

He needn’t have pondered that, however, because the elevator reached the first floor without a problem, the doors slid right open, and River limped his way out on twisted, crossed legs. He was almost a little disappointed that his whole ‘Desperately piss on the elevator’s floor, because it’s stuck and I can’t wait’ scenario hadn’t come to pass. Now he was gonna have to hold it in all the way home. Upstairs, he’d been confident that he could do that if they left right away.

Now, he was doubting it. His hands were still buried between his legs, even with the privacy granted by the elevator gone. He just couldn’t move them! And he was bent forwards a bit, his legs knotting together. He HOPED he could get home in time, but he was less certain that he would!

Duncan wrapped his hand around River’s arm, seeing that both of his boyfriend’s hands were otherwise occupied now. Hugo came to his side as well, looking at his desperate, tangled body. “Okay… There’s a gift shop in the lobby. What I’m gonna do, is I’m gonna ask someone in there if you can please use the staff’s restroom. I’m sure they’ve got one…”

“Th—That’s fine with me,” River said.

Walking to the gift shop wasn’t easy for River, the steps caused his first really bad leak to spurt out of him, but he managed to cut it off with a few hard squeezes to his dick. Inside the gift shop, it was more crowded than most other parts of the museum. It was for that reason that River didn’t feel too frightened when Hugo went off to speak to an employee, telling him and Duncan to wait by the doorway.

They did, River shuffling between his feet and jiggling up and down. He glanced at the shelves in front of him, trying to find something that would distract him. There were lots of books and postcards, but it was the middle shelf that actually got his attention.

The shelf held ceramic chamber pots, like the one in the exhibit. Obviously, meant as some sort of a gag gift, but there wasn’t any reason River couldn’t use one for its original purpose. The contents of his bladder swished and rushed hard up against his sphincters. He wanted to unzip RIGHT where he was, crouch down and flood the receptacle. But, he shuddered at that idea. There were so many people milling around, they’d see him go so crazy from his need that he assuaged it in the middle of a crowded gift shop. River wasn’t yet so far gone that he wasn’t too embarrassed to do that.

Besides, he knew that… ‘using’ one of the items here without paying for it first would get him into a lot of trouble. They needed to buy the pot first, then go back to the car where River could have some privacy to fill it up in.

River snatched one of the pots off of the shelf with the hand that wasn’t being squished between his legs. He flinched at the feeling of its material against his skin. Even though he’d been born WELL after chamber pots were commonplace, and had thus never used one, his bladder seemed to just KNOW what it was for, and gave a sharp lurch.

Duncan smiled at River, the corners of his lips tugging. River grew hopeful that he was about to REALLY speak, say more than just a single word. Say something like “Oh, yeah! That’s a good idea if they don’t let you use the toilet!” But, he didn’t. He didn’t say a word. Though, he DID manage to make a sound; He snorted, and then gave a quick snickering laugh. He put a hand up to cover his mouth, and was obviously trying his hardest to stifle it— Whether to spare River’s feelings or to prevent a laughter-induced leak of his own, River wasn’t sure.

“Ah— Well… J—Just in case,” River said. “S—So that I’ve got SOMETHING, you know?”

Duncan nodded, still fighting down his giggles.

Hugo returned, shaking his head. “They said ‘staff only’, I’m sorr—“

“That’s fine, look!” River interrupted.

Hugo glanced down at the item in River’s trembling hand, and the agony that still flared in his eyes. “… Oh,” he said. “You want me to buy that for you?”

“Yes, I need it!” River nodded frantically. He wanted it. Nothing else in this whole store could ever be as important as this one thing was! “Can I get it?” River asked. “A—And, just keep in mind, if you say no, I probably WILL pee the car seats.” He didn’t mean it as a threat, just as a warning. River did not want to piss all over Hugo’s car seats, but if he didn’t do it somewhere else before they headed towards home, that would definitely be what happened.

“Of course you can get it,” Hugo said. “Just— Don’t… ‘do anything’ with it until it’s paid for and we’re back at the car, alright?”

River blushed hard. He was desperate, yes. He felt piss flooding into his bone marrow for God’s sake! But, he STILL wasn’t to the point where he could completely forget where he was and gush out his stream in front of an audience of horrified strangers.

They got in line to check out, River shuffling and bobbing in place. He swayed from foot to foot, the hand crammed against his crotch turning white as his grip grew tighter and tighter. His face continued to glow red. He was, indeed, still VERY aware of his surroundings. He knew he was doing one Hell of a piss dance, and that anyone who spotted him would be able to tell he was bursting. He was also… Holding the chamber pot in his other hand still.

He was jumping out of his skin with urgency, gripping a chamber pot, on a day where the only men’s room in the building had a huge out-of-order sign tacked to it. Not only could people tell he was bursting, they could probably ALSO tell what he intended to do to remedy his problem. That, to him, was somehow even more embarrassing than them knowing he had to go at all!

He handed the chamber pot to Duncan instead, and let his other hand fall down to his crotch. Immediately, the extra pressure blocking off his exit made him feel world’s better.

Duncan held onto the pot for him. ‘Guess he needed both hands down there…’ he decided. Duncan wished he hadn’t laughed like that. He hadn’t meant to! He felt really awful for River, poor guy was covered his sweat and shaking from head to toe. He was in so much pain that it made Duncan’s chest hurt.

But then, when he’d seen River holding the pot with those needy, watery eyes, he’d immediately pictured his boyfriend USING it. And, for some reason, the image that popped unbidden into his mind’s eye was just so… cute. So cute that he’d laughed. And now he felt terrible about it.

The line moved slowly, and that was excruciating for River. He thought, maybe, that he’d be able to handle being in line a little better if there was a toilet at the end of it. If he could count the heads in front of him and think ‘I only gotta wait through six more people, and I’ll finally piss,’ then he’d feel at least a LITTLE more relaxed about it. He’d know he’d just have to stand here, squirm, shuffle forwards every time the line moved, and then it would suddenly be his turn, and he’d be allowed to unzip and stand there in bliss.

But, no. There wasn’t a toilet at the end of the line. The only toilet available to River right now was in Duncan’s hands, and he wasn’t allowed to use it yet. Instead of making the most minimal movements he could manage, he’d have to struggle his way to the front of the line, wait while the pot was rung up, leave the gift shop, go back through the parking lot, reach their car, get into the car, unzip, position the pot…

As he mentally counted off all of the things he was going to have to endure before he was allowed even a second of relief, his middle started to feel heavier than ever. His bladder was weighing him down. He felt like the gravity had increased, just trying to stand up all of the way was causing him pain.

Duncan kept glancing over at River’s distress. The more panicked River appeared, the worse Duncan felt about laughing. He nudged closer to River, using the hand not holding the pot to grip his boyfriend’s arm. He rubbed his thumb along his skin in a way he hoped felt soothing.

Ten minutes of agonized waiting later, they’d gotten to the front of the line. Duncan placed the chamber pot on the counter, trying to ignore the way River doubled over on himself when he heard it clink. Hugo started to take out his wallet.

River, meanwhile, did his best to gain back a little composure. He let go of his dick, prompting a new dribble of pee into his boxers. He unwound his legs, which made the dribble increase to a spurt. He made himself stop bouncing, and then he was leaking in earnest.

The cashier, of course, could see what they were buying. She could see it was the ONLY thing they were buying. And, as an employee, she would know that the men’s room was closed. If River allowed himself to look even the TINIEST bit like he needed a piss, she would instantly KNOW what he was about to do.

What he was about to… Ohhhh, but he wanted to be doing it NOW, he had to do it so bad! His ears were actually ringing from the all the silent screaming his bladder was doing! He was bouncing on his heels again, managing to slow his leakage a little, but he was just so embarrassed and he needed to GO, and he had to do something to keep it in, and—

River leaned himself against Duncan, hugging onto him, pressing their bodies together. Most importantly, he was digging his crotch into Duncan’s side, wriggling urgently against him. It was helping, it was helping… Duncan made a fine dam between River’s ocean and his pants. Duncan worked as well as River’s hands did…

Duncan’s eyes widened at the unexpected contact, and when River started to thrust subtly against his side like that, a fire ignited in Duncan’s belly. Duncan rubbed River’s back, making it seem a little more like they were just sharing a hug. He knew what River was doing, he knew River was trying to take the edge off his need, but… Did River REALLY know what he was doing? Did he have ANY idea what he was doing to Duncan?

Because… God damn… Duncan’s arousal had just gone from zero to three hundred in the blink of an eye. Oh, what he wouldn’t give for River to rub against him like this in earnest, when they were in bed at home, with no fabric barriers separating them from each other. What he wouldn’t give for this needy, desperate grinding to be needy and desperate in a completely different way. He wanted to kiss River now, but he settled for continuing to hug him, nuzzling.

“Oh, your friends make a really cute couple,” River heard the cashier say. THAT was sort of embarrassing too, but at least it didn’t sound like she could tell he was trying not to wet his pants.

“Y—Yeah…” He heard Hugo say. “Ah— We don’t need a bag for it, it’s just one thing.”

After another moment, Hugo was telling River and Duncan that they could leave now. River released a relieved breath and parted from Duncan to follow after him, palming his crotch and trying not to trip as his knees continually rubbed together.

Now that River wasn’t glued to him anymore, Duncan had a bit of a problem too. He wasn’t sure when it had happened exactly, but his cock had gotten VERY stiff. He put his hands in front of himself as he walked to shield it— Which made it look like he TOO was fighting off an accident.

River noticed Duncan holding himself and whispered, “You can use it too if you gotta, don’t worry.”

When Duncan found himself unable to speak that time, it had far more to do with feeling embarrassed than it did with feeling scared. Duncan knew that he couldn’t have HELPED getting hard, even though he was in public. What the Hell else was his dick supposed to do when he had an incredibly hot man grinding on him?! Besides, it had been so long since Duncan had last really gotten to… ‘release some tension’. At this point, he’d probably get erect if the wind blew too strongly.

They went towards the parking lot, River fighting against his body, letting out pained mewling noises, and squeezing himself so hard his hands were getting numb. He began to breathe very heavily when they got to the garage, huffing harshly, whimpering. “Ah— Ooooh….”

Duncan’s erection refused to fade. Simply hearing River make noise— ANY noise, any reminder that he was THERE— was driving Duncan nuts. ‘He’s making those noises because he’s about to have an accident,’ Duncan reminded himself. ‘He needs help.’ Duncan stayed close to River, even closer than they usually did when they went out. Being so close made Duncan’s skin burn with electric tingles though. Dear fuck… He wanted River so bad… He didn’t feel like he could get close enough to him.

Duncan was going to have to jerk off when they got home. Not just edge— The occasional touches he did to get his cock too hard to piss were the ONLY things he’d done to himself in so long, and it wasn’t cutting it anymore. He had to get off, he had to cum. He hadn’t been able to do it in the bathroom at the cabin yet. He didn’t like ejaculating in the shower any more than he liked pissing in it, and when he tried doing it on the toilet, eventually the silence would creep him out too much. Maybe River wouldn’t care if he did it in their room where he could see.

Maybe River would even say “No, you don’t have to do it all yourself,” and Duncan wouldn’t have to rely on just his own hand anymore.

The further they got into the garage, the fewer people there were, and that started to become scary to both River and Duncan. Duncan’s lustful thoughts at last started to fade as the eerie surroundings overpowered them. They’d been in the museum for a long time, longer than Duncan had thought. It had gotten much darker. And the corners all looked pitch black, and their footsteps all sounded too loud. Someone could be hiding, hearing them walking around, hearing River’s urgent winces of desperation, Hugo’s breathing, Duncan’s… “Nnnnhh!” Without deciding to, Duncan had begun to whimper.

His inconvenient boner had gone away at last, the heat scorching through him had evaporated, replaced by the chills of fear that ran through his body.

“Duncan…?” Hugo asked. “You need to go too?”

River paused to stomp his feet against the ground a few times. Duncan cringed at the loud noise. He knew River couldn’t help it, knew River’s bladder was taking control of the rest of his body. But it had still been too noisy, someone would hear.

“I th—think he does,” River told Duncan. “A—At least a little bi—“

“T—Too dark!” Duncan interrupted. “I d—don’t like… I don’t want to…” He wished he could teleport them all to the car, where he would feel safe again. He probably wished they could be there already just as badly as River did. “Too dark…”

“Oh,” Hugo said. It WAS pretty dark in here. There were lights, but they didn’t illuminate the space fully. And it was quiet, and empty save for the three of them. He hadn’t even thought about how it would make Duncan and River feel to go back through here late in the evening. He should have… He should have taken care of them, should have suggested they go somewhere different, somewhere that they wouldn’t have to walk through a creepy place. He’d messed. Up again! “W—Well, I’m right here…” He tried to say, tried to give some form of reassurance. If someone really was lurking in the shadows somewhere, would he even be able to fend them off? He didn’t have a weapon, and he was a middle-aged Cancer survivor. From what he’d heard about the Organization, some of the people working for them were like body-builders. “I won’t let anybody hurt either one of you.”

Duncan shuddered, tried to feel better. “H—How much furth—“

A hissing sound filled the air, interrupting Duncan and sending him to a blind panic as he spun around, looking in all directions. “A—Ah—!” He tried to scream, but his voice died, his throat twisted, and dampness bloomed over his crotch. He didn’t realize the last thing until he heard—

“H—How much further!?” River exclaimed. “I’m pissing!”

Duncan’s heart rate started to slow down. The hissing had been River having another leak. That was all. Duncan finally felt the trickle running down his leg and pinned a hand to his crotch with a moan of despair. He hadn’t even felt like he had to pee before! But now, not only had he gone a tiny bit in his pants, he suddenly felt like he was going to make a huge puddle if he didn’t go soon! “Ah— M—Me too!” He cried out, voice full of dismay.

This was terrible!

If he ever sneezed, he would pee.

If he ever laughed too much, he would pee.

If he ever got too scared for a second, he would pee.

NONE of that used to happen! He used to sneeze and just MOVE ON. He used to be able to laugh as hard and as long as he wanted! He used to feel scared for a second, and then NOT have to clean anything up! His bladder used to just… WORK. He only ever had to worry about dribbles and accidents if he’d been holding it in for a long time and was reaching the limit! This wasn’t fair!

“O—Okay,” Hugo said, now faced with BOTH his friends on the verge of an accident, he looked at the sign on the wall that denoted which floor they’d reached. Thank God, this was finally the one they’d parked on. The car would be close by. “We are nearly there, hang on just a few more—“

Hsss!

River’s knees buckled and he lowered into a crouch against his will, palms digging furiously into his crotch. “I’m gonna—“

Hugo held up the pot he still held. “W—Wanna do it right h— Ugh… If a car drives through before you’re done, you’ll get hurt… How about, in the corner?”

River shook his head, while Duncan whimpered about the corners all being too scary to go anywhere near. River started to sniffle, tearing up. It was not the immense physical pain of his bloated bladder which made him want to cry this time, it was how utterly weak and pathetic he must have been to have gotten into this situation.

The old River would have probably DEMANDED to take the pot into a corner and flood the Hell out of it the second they reached the garage. The old River wouldn’t have been too terrified to do it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Hugo said, helping River back up. He ignored the audible gush of pee that flowed forth as River struggled to move. “You’ll be alright, we’re close, I promise.”

Duncan went to River’s side and gripped onto his arm with his free hand. The other was too busy trying to act as an iron gate between his bladder and the fabric it wanted so badly to be let loose into.

It only took three more minutes to get to the car and River’s bladder ejected three more agonizingly brief spurts into his already sodden boxers at the sight. When the doors opened, the lights inside flicked on and both he and Duncan felt much safer right away. Hugo passed the chamber pot into the backseat for them, his heart twisting a little since he could already hear them unzipping before they actually HAD the receptacle in front of them. It hurt him to know they were in so much pain.

Duncan placed the pot down onto the seat in between himself and River. They got onto their knees and aimed for it. Piss exploded out of River’s tip first, echoing hard as it made contact with the ceramic material. Duncan’s release flowed forth a second later. For about half a minute, the only sounds in the entire parking garage were the violent hisses of two badly needed streams, and the gasps and groans of relief River and Duncan couldn’t stop letting out.

Truthfully, Hugo was a tad worried. Since BOTH of them had been having emergencies like that, it stood to reason that each of them had a LOT of liquid to get rid of now. No doubt the chamber pot could hold the contents of ONE blazingly full bladder, but could it handle TWO?

He relaxed some when, to his surprise, he heard Duncan finish up first. “Ahhh… That’s better…” he breathed out, followed by the zip of his pants.

“Mmmmmm….” River hummed, sounding a bit delirious as the gushing spray of his pee just seemed to get louder.

“… You all done, Duncan?” Hugo was a little stunned by that. He knew River was the one with the smaller bladder. Duncan had said so himself several times.

“Mm-hm,” Duncan said with a small sigh. He turned. Now that he was unburdened from his own emergency, he could… Well, he could sneak a peek at River. He knew River wouldn’t mind, after all. River had let him look lots of times before. Duncan wanted to see how the real thing matched up with what he’d seen in his imagination earlier.

It wasn’t QUITE like he’d been picturing— For whatever reason, he had been picturing River SITTING on the pot to answer nature’s call, pants around his ankles, knees pulled up with a bleary, flushed look on his face. Of course, River couldn’t have sat on it, otherwise Duncan would have had no way to use it and would have soaked his pants. River’s expression was exactly what Duncan had imagined it would be— Mainly because Duncan had seen River go a few times now and knew what his ‘Ahhhh, I barely made it!’ face looked like. Duncan didn’t know WHY, but he just found that expression really, really adorable. It was so nice to see River look calm and at peace…

Duncan’s eyes flicked from River’s face to his cock. Again, Duncan longed to see what it looked like WITHOUT urine spraying from it, but the sight was a welcome one nevertheless. It was dangling above the pot, which was… Getting dangerously full.

Uh oh…

“River,” Duncan blurted out. “It’s almost—“

Too late, small rivulets of liquid started to flow up and over the sides, trailing slowly down them. River’s eyes popped open. “Wha— Oh!” He tried to clamp it off, but he was just SO close to being done and his muscles were fried to bits. The last few jets flew from his nozzle, pooling into the overflowing container.

And then River was finished. Wordless and shame-faced, he tucked his member back into his pants and zipped them.

“I— I guess it wasn’t quite big enough for two…” Duncan said.

“Is there a mess?”

“Not a big one!” River assured. “I went just a little too much!”

“Open a door and pour it out, I guess,” Hugo said. “And be careful nothing else spills.”

Duncan did as instructed, popping open his door and gently nudging the chamber pot towards himself. The liquid kept wobbling inside of it, more rolling down the sides. Duncan was so scared that he’d accidentally dump it all over himself trying to empty it. When he turned it upside down to empty it onto the concrete beside the car, the splash all of the fluid created was ear-splitting. He realized he should have poured it slowly instead of emptying it all at once when a little sloshed back onto his shoes.

He sat back down in the car and put the pot back between him and River. He stared straight ahead, not daring to look at the wet spot he was sure was on the seat now.

River had, though. “I—It’s not that bad,” he said. “If we use, like, a spray-cleaner on it, it should come right up…”

Duncan nodded. He was so ashamed and embarrassed that even a TINY mess had been made.

“Ready to go now?” Hugo asked.

“Yeah,” River said.

As they drove off, River hoped Duncan wasn’t too upset about the spill. So long as they didn’t both use the thing at the same time ever again, they wouldn’t need to worry about it. What River really hoped for was that Duncan would remain comfortable with USING the chamber pot. He had an idea of something else they could do with it after they got it washed out.

River really hoped his idea would work. Duncan just didn’t like peeing into things that weren’t toilets, the only alternatives he seemed to think were ‘acceptable’ were bushes and trees. He’d been a little put-off by using the bottle during the days he didn’t want to get out of bed, and he’d HATED having to go in the paint buckets when they’d been locked in the attic.

The chamber pot, though… It just… WAS a toilet. An old-timey sort of toilet that nobody really used anymore, but still a toilet. The only purpose it had was to be peed into. So, there was no reason Duncan should feel upset, nervous, or like he was going to be punished if he ever used it for relief.

So, that night at home, after the pot had been cleaned and he and Duncan had gotten into their pajamas, River slid the chamber pot underneath their bed, just like the museum said used to be done in the old days. He made sure that Duncan SAW him doing it, but called no attention to it.

Then, they went to sleep.

A few nights later, River was woken to a loud, tinny noise echoing through the room. At first, he started to panic, heart beating wildly around in his chest. He was more scared when he realized Duncan wasn’t holding him anymore, and that he was on his own in the bed. The strange sound was getting louder, too, a high-pitched rattle.

He looked over the edge of the bed and relaxed, feeling silly that he’d gotten so spooked. Duncan was sitting on the chamber pot, pajama pants pulled down, looking very content as he urinated into it with a fair bit of force.

River turned away to give him privacy while he finished. He was glad that he’d gotten to see Duncan pissing for a moment. He was glad, because it meant Duncan finally had somewhere to relieve his bladder during the night if River was asleep— Somewhere that he actually felt comfortable going.

Duncan’s faucet ran for almost a minute, then there were a few dwindling drips before it stopped altogether.

River heard some clothing rustle, followed by a scraping sound as the pot was nudged back below the bed. He felt the bed shift, then Duncan’s warm arms encircle him. “Thank you for putting it under there, River…” Duncan whispered, kissing his cheek.

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This one has a more explicit scene— Their first time has finally arrived!

But, I also wanted to give a warning for some heavy things being discussed. River is going to talk about some trauma he has relating to sex/being touched. Topics include painful sex (sometimes causing injury) and coerced/dubious consent, some of which occurred while still a minor. None of this is shown in very graphic detail. River also shares some things about his original anatomy and the non-consensual surgery performed on him, so warnings for medical abuse and some anatomical words as well.

***

Duncan woke feeling dampness between his legs. Shame filling his chest, he tried to remember what his dream had consisted of. To his relief, it hadn’t involved any scary memories, nor any toilet usage. He even recalled how he’d gotten up in the middle of the night to relieve his bladder into the chamber pot.

But, that didn’t change the fact that his crotch felt really wet… He worried that maybe River had had an accident, and had just gone on him a little. That had happened a few times before, but as Duncan felt around the sheets, he didn’t come into contact with any other damp spots closer to River.

Again, he tried to remember his dream.

In the dream, the Organization had been gone, and he and River were free. They had been on a cruise ship, and they’d been having lots of fun. Duncan had gotten to see River in a swimsuit for the first time ever, water dripping lazily off his skin as he laid in the sun on the boat’s deck. Duncan had just been staring at him, practically drooling. River’s body was shimmering in the light, his chest so firm, his legs all smooth, his bulge visible in his trunks.

Very visible, because River had been hard. River had been hard, and gripping Duncan’s hand, murmuring “Let’s go back to our room, I need you RIGHT now.”

And then they’d GONE to their room. They’d gone to their room, and torn one another’s clothes off ravenously, unable to contain themselves. Before Duncan knew it, he had his lips wrapped around River’s length, and River was pushing his head down, encouraging to take him in even deeper. Then, River had been inside him, filling him up, rutting him with so much fervor that their bed was squeaking and slamming against the wall. River delivered wave after wave of unrelenting pleasure, until finally Duncan had cum all over his chest with an ear splitting moan.

Which… Meant that the wet sticky stuff Duncan felt coating the insides of his boxers was probably NOT pee. He should have KNOWN that this would happen eventually. He hadn’t made himself cum in ages, all he’d gotten were edging sessions and some heavy petting from River that never went far enough for him to orgasm. Then, he slept in the arms of the man he loved every, single night, feeling him against him, hearing him breathing. Duncan was well overdue for a wet dream, the only reason it hadn’t happened earlier was just because of all the nightmares he’d been having instead.

He needed to clean himself up now, though. So, he got out of bed, got a change of clothes, and headed towards the restroom. In the hall, he noticed the sound of rain pouring against the roof, and decided that had probably been the thing to prompt the subject matter of his dream.

Beside the tub, Duncan peeled down his pants and boxers, confirming that he’d basically PAINTED them. It was too bad he’d slept through his orgasm, he would have preferred to have felt it in its full glory. Blushing, he remembered Hugo did his and River’s laundry for them. He hoped the guy wouldn’t notice…

Duncan took off his shirt and was about to turn on the shower, but a tugging in his bladder made him have a seat on the toilet first. His stream hissed into the bowl below him as his shoulders slumped, losing a little tension. Once he’d finished, he got into the tub to wash himself off.

That had been one Hell of a dream. Duncan wished at least ONE part of it would hurry up and come true soon! He knew he couldn’t expect the Organization to just suddenly get uncovered and disbanded, all of its members sent to prison. But, he thought he COULD expect River to want to fool around with him soon! Duncan was absolutely DYING for it, and he was beginning to get worried that River didn’t want to spend that sort of time with him for some reason.

Outside of that dream from last night, Duncan still hadn’t ever seen River get hard. He’d tried to get him that way a few times, fondling his bulge overtop of his pants while they’d kissed. His own erection would spring to life after just a few seconds of this sort of thing, but River’s never did, leaving Duncan wondering if he was doing something that River didn’t enjoy, and River just wasn’t telling him.

Duncan wanted to make River feel good, he wanted it more than anything. He loved River so much, and wanted to give him all the pleasure in the world. Sometimes, Duncan even caught himself starting to think that his experience with the Organization couldn’t have been THAT terrible, since it had brought him River. He’d been drawn to River from the very moment he’d first seen him that first day. It was the hair that had done it, River’s hair was dyed a brilliant blue and it made him impossible not to notice. Then, Duncan had gotten closer, and he realized that River was also taller than him, and lean, his arms muscled. And he’d thought ‘This man has the perfect body.’

It wasn’t until they were nearly away from the Organization that Duncan learned River had always believed his body to be anything BUT perfect. And, yes, it had stunned Duncan a little bit to learn that River had lived as a girl when he was younger, and he hadn’t really known what the word ‘intersex’ meant, either. He didn’t think it had changed much about how he saw River. His attraction to River never faltered, but… He was curious.

The curiosity was something he didn’t know how to talk to River about. He didn’t know what he could ask, what he shouldn’t ask, if his interest in River’s body was okay, or if it was fetishization. Knowing the particulars of River’s medical history hadn’t made Duncan feel any more turned on by him, not that he thought that was even possible, but it still worried him any time he fantasized about River and his mind eventually drifted to ‘Oh, but would that feel the same way for him as it does for me?’

Or were those thoughts just natural to have? After all, he was thinking about how best to pleasure River, wasn’t he? He wanted to make River feel good, because he loved River. And Duncan didn’t KNOW if River’s parts would behave differently from his own, so it was normal to wonder about it, right? And— And, no matter how River had been born, there would still be things he liked that Duncan didn’t, things that Duncan liked that River wasn’t excited by. They would still need to explore each other.

That was how it had been with any other guy Duncan had ever slept with. But, he had to admit he dwelled on those thoughts a lot more with River than he had with anyone else. That could have been for a number of reasons, though! Duncan had never loved anyone the way he loved River! And, when Duncan had hooked up with other men, it had been JUST that— A hook-up. Very, very casual. They’d met, and then they’d had sex, not much time to dwell on any lingering questions. Duncan had been with River for months now and they still hadn’t done anything below their clothes— Unless Duncan aiming for River as he relieved himself could be counted. Duncan had had a lot of chances to imagine scenarios with River and focus on the details, he’d never really DONE that before.

Besides, shouldn’t the fact that he WAS so worried that he was disrespecting River or viewing him as a fetishistic object prove that he WASN’T? Every time he ended up going down those paths, he would immediately start thinking about River’s feelings, and how he didn’t want to hurt them.

He allowed himself to wonder more about things now. Since River’s penis was made out of his arm, maybe it simply didn’t FEEL the same to have it touched. Maybe that was why River never got erect, Duncan was touching the wrong spot because it was just what he was used to. If that WAS the problem, then there were a lot of OTHER fun spots Duncan could touch him in. Maybe River liked having his nipples played with, maybe River liked being fingered. Duncan could ask him if he wanted that sometime, maybe River would even get—

Maybe, since River’s penis was different, it didn’t actually GET hard. Duncan hadn’t ever even considered that possibility before, but it sounded possible. Duncan didn’t know exactly how River’s surgery had worked, he’d never asked very detailed questions about it because he was worried about making River uncomfortable, making him feel ‘different’ or ‘strange’, something he knew River had been made to feel often.

Duncan hoped River could get hard. He hoped River could cum. He hoped River could top if he wanted to, just like in his dream. But, maybe River just… Couldn’t. And he’d been scared to TELL Duncan that. Duncan had been starting to get the feeling that there was something important which River wasn’t telling him about.

He knew the best solution was just to ASK River what it was that he enjoyed doing, ASK him if he could cum, or get hard, or top, ASSURE him that it was perfectly fine if he couldn’t do those things, because there were still so many OTHER things they could do! But, what if all of those answers were supposed to be obvious? What if River felt bad because Duncan was calling attention to the thing that set him apart from the other men Duncan had been with? What if River felt like, in spite of all promises to the contrary, Duncan was comparing him to them, and that there was no way he could measure up?

Duncan really wanted to make River feel good, just imagining the look on River’s face as he came— If he COULD cum— was getting Duncan hard. He nearly started to stroke himself there in the shower, but resisted the urge.

***

River woke feeling his hands wedged up between his legs, at urgent war with a very intense pressure. Desperation clouding his mind, he tried to remember what his dream had consisted of. After he’d gotten back to sleep following Duncan’s trip to the chamber pot— And, oh, River did NOT want to recall what THAT had sounded like— He had dreamed that the Organization had been shut down, that he and Duncan were free. They’d been on a cruise ship, gallons upon gallons of water slapping against the sides of the boat, rocking it all around in the ocean. It had been raining too, the hiss intensifying a very frantic need that was filling River’s middle.

He’d been wearing a swimsuit in front of Duncan for the very first time, enjoying all of the lustful stares that it got him from his partner. But, then those stares became more concerned, because River was at the back of the line for the men’s room, hopping up and down, using one hand to pin his cock against his thigh while the other ran its agitated fingers through his hair. He’d moaned to Duncan over and over, “Let’s go try to find another bathroom! I need one RIGHT now.” And, every time, Duncan had needed to remind him that this was the ONLY toilet on the entire ship.

So, River kept scrambling in place, groaning and gasping and openly BEGGING for someone to let him please, please cut before he wet his pants. No one would let him, though. They all had to go as bad as he did, and the line was not MOVING. He’d been there for an HOUR already and hadn’t been allowed to take even ONE step forward.

He’d thought about going in the deck’s pool, just jumping into it and letting it flow. But, for some reason, there was no SHALLOW end to that pool, it was nine feet deep all around. River had never come close to learning how to swim, and wasn’t about to DROWN himself trying to take a leak. He held it and held it and held it, eventually clinging onto Duncan just from his desire to SQUEEZE something, mumbling to him incoherent pleas for a moment of relief.

He thought that was when he finally woke up.

At least he hadn’t wet the bed during all of that, he felt perfectly dry. Now he just had to STAY that way until he reached the toilet. He registered the sound of rain hitting the cabin’s roof, gushing hard and reminding River SO much of the noise urine made when it struck the toilet bowl. Wriggling into his clenched hands, he sat up and forced his way onto the floor. He moaned, like he’d just been burned, folding himself double in half.

Could he get down the hall without peeing? His bladder actually STILL felt a little worn out from his long hold at the museum…

But, maybe he didn’t HAVE to get all the way to the restroom before he went? The chamber pot was under the bed, if Duncan hadn’t peed TOO much into it, then there should be enough room for River to go now…

Dreading what he was about to do, he lowered his body into a crouch. He felt like something in him was just snapping, like a rubber band being pulled so hard that it just broke apart. There was an awful boiling sensation in the area surrounding his bladder, and then a squirt of liquid trickling into his boxers. He used to get into EXACTLY this position to relieve himself all of the time. Whenever he had to turn an alley into his toilet, he squatted JUST like this and let it flow. His bladder seemed to still remember that, taking it as a cue to start compressing and letting go of its contents.

“Nnnh!” He growled, forcing a hand from his groin so that he could pull the chamber pot out from beneath the bed. He heard the slosh of the fluid still in it, mixing with the sound of the rain outside. He trickled more into his pants, squeezing down harder on himself to get it to stop. The chamber pot now visible, his heart sank.

It appeared that Duncan had really, REALLY needed to go last night, the pot was filled past its half-way point, and River didn’t think that left enough room for him to let go of everything he was carrying. He had no choice but to go use the toilet. He stumbled out of the room easily enough— raising himself from the painful crouch had sort of given him a second wind— but as he went down the hallway, some of his resolve started to fade. His bladder screamed with every step, growing heavier and heavier. Drips started to roll down his legs.

When he got to the restroom door and found it closed, he did not hesitate to begin pounding a fist against it. He heard the shower running inside, adding to the hiss of rain still assailing his ear-drums. “Ah— Duncan? Hugo?” He called. “Wh—Whoever’s in there, please say I can come in! I’m having an emergency!”

“You can come in!” Duncan shouted back.

“Gah!” River exhaled breathlessly, flinging open the door and dashing inside. Dancing from foot to foot, he lifted the toilet seat and lowered his pajama bottoms to free his member, all the while rushing out a litany of “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” His pee slammed ferociously into the water, granting River an immediate drop in pressure that made him feel like he was floating. “Ohhhhh… fuck…” he sighed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you so, so much…”

Duncan could hear River’s stream rushing out and colliding with the water in the bowl, and that made him blush a little. But, not as much as the sound of River MOANING like that while thanking him over and over again. Considering the focus of his thoughts all morning, THOSE noises were flicking a very important switch in Duncan’s mind and body. The longer River let out his flurry of breathy, grateful cries, the harder Duncan got. WHY couldn’t he cause River to make those sounds by doing something ELSE to him? WHY did he only get to hear those amazing exclamations when he managed to help River relieve himself?

River, unaware of Duncan’s frustration, continued to enjoy all the wonderful sensations taking place in his middle. He could feel his bladder slowly deflating, compressing itself back down to its comfortable, empty size. As his pee kept flowing, he quieted down some as his franticness faded away alongside his pain. Once the last of it had ebbed forth from him, he shook his dick a few times and flipped the seat back down. “Phew…”

Behind the curtain, Duncan was still stiff as a board. He wished that he HADN’T gotten this erect from listening to River urinate. He knew that the pissing hadn’t been the thing to turn him on— River’s VOICE had done that— but it was still a little awkward. “F—Feeling better?” He squeaked out.

“Soooo much better,” River agreed. “Thank you, if you’d told me to wait I definitely would have gone in the hallway— I always gotta piss SO bad when I wake up.”

“Eheh, um… It’s like you’ve got a built-in alarm clock?” Duncan wasn’t sure why River was still here if he’d finished everything he needed to do.

“Yeah, I guess…” River said, he went quiet, feeling himself blush. “Er… You are… Naked in there, huh?”

“Y—Yeah…” Duncan said, water still running down his body, still rushing over his stiff-cock. His body just refused to calm back down, even though River wasn’t moaning anymore.

“I… Um… H—Have I seen you with NOTHING on yet?”

“N—No…” Duncan’s dick strained. River wanted to peek at him! River wanted to peek at him! “W—Would you like to…” He swallowed. “You wanna join me?”

River’s shoulders tensed. Duncan had seen him completely naked once before though, and Duncan had liked it… River started to disrobe, he climbed into the shower and, as he admired his partner’s body, he felt some of his nervousness fade. Duncan looked incredible when he had nothing on him, not even a pair of boxers. He looked incredible with all that water flowing down him and making his skin glisten. His ass looked firm and squeezable, and River… He WANTED to squeeze him, to see how he would react to it, but something held him back. River could also see that Duncan was hard, and he felt both elated and a little anxious at the sight.

Duncan caught River looking at his erection and blushed a little. “Eheh… Uhhh, I’m… Really, really happy to see you, I guess…” He didn’t want to admit that he’d gotten that way while River was still urinating.

“Um… Y—yeah,” River said. “I can see that.”

Duncan reached out to touch River’s arm, his hand glided down until it wrapped around River’s wrist, pulling him in closer for a hug, pushing their bodies together. River’s eyes widened for a second, but then he started to relax into Duncan’s touch. Duncan started to move his other hand down River’s abdomen, towards his cock, but River suddenly tensed and backed away slightly. “H—Hang on…” he said.

Duncan tried not to look disappointed.

“I— I want to,” River continued. “I really, REALLY want to. I just… I— I think there’s some things we need to talk about first, okay?”

“Oh. Okay…” Duncan said. “Did I do something wro—“

“You did NOTHING wrong,” River promised. “There’s just… I want to talk about some stuff. That’s all.”

Duncan nodded. This probably wasn’t anything bad. He’d been WANTING to talk to River more about this stuff anyway. It was good that River felt the same way. It was good. This was fine, and Duncan didn’t have to worry.

He did worry, however. Throughout the rest of the day, he fretted that he’d crossed a line by trying to touch River’s penis in the shower, that River was angry with him now, or upset, or hurt. He didn’t want to make River feel that way at all… Not now, not ever.

Duncan thought back to his earlier questions. Maybe River was just going to explain to Duncan that he couldn’t cum or get hard, and that he shouldn’t get stressed out when he couldn’t MAKE him do that. Maybe that was all it was.

He HOPED that was all it was, because then Duncan would just say “Oh, that’s alright. I’m sure I can still make you feel really good!” And, they could start having fun… Duncan decided that he’d talk to River tonight, ask him to say whatever it was he needed to say so that, maybe, they could fool around a little.

Following his shower that evening, Duncan went to their bedroom. River was already beneath the blankets. Duncan sat beside him, twiddling his fingers. He’d never felt this awkward prior to proposing sex before. In the past, it had always been “So, you wanna do it?” followed by several minutes of sweaty, frantic pleasure that made him see stars, and then that was the end of it. Sometimes he’d spend the night with the man, other times he’d just leave, either way by the time morning rolled around, they wouldn’t be in one another’s lives anymore.

River would always be in Duncan’s life. If he did this wrong, he could wreck so much…

“Duncan…?” River asked, yawning. “Lay down, it’s late—“

“You said you wanted to talk to me, and… Um… You ever cum before?” Duncan blurted out. Holy shit, he was so stupid! What a dumb question! Who just ASKS crap like that? Dear God! Back when he’d gone out to bars and hit on guys, he liked to think he’d been smooth as ice, he’d had AMAZING pick-up lines that always got men interested in conversing FURTHER with him. What he’d just said to River probably merited the other turning around to face the wall for the rest of the night and refusing to talk to him.

River shook his head, blushing strongly. “Um, no,” he admitted. It was a little embarrassing. He was twenty-three and he still had no idea what an orgasm was even supposed to FEEL like. And, it wasn’t like he was a virgin, either. He’d had more sexual encounters than he’d ever wanted or needed. "That's part of what I wanted to talk about."

Duncan frowned. He was surprised that he’d GOTTEN a response, and wished it had been different. Maybe River actually COULDN’T do that…? “Never?”

River shook his head. He’d tried to plenty of times, he’d tried to ENJOY sex in the past, but it had never once been pleasurable for him. He’d always just been so eager for it to be done with.

“You mean, you just can’t do it since the surgery, or—“

“I’ve never done it, ever,” River said.

“What about in your sleep?”

River shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Can you… not do it?”

River shrugged. “I think I SHOULD be able to, but it’s never happened.”

Duncan wasn’t sure what to make of that. River HAD told Duncan that he wasn’t a virgin. “The other people you’ve been with must have sucked.”

“Er, well…” River said. “That’s actually what I wanted to tell you about. The only other times I’ve done it, it was back when I was homeless, and I wasn’t exactly… I mean, it’s not like anybody ever… held me down and… forced it. But, it was… It was sort of one of the only ways I could make money. I didn’t want to do it, but I just had to.”

Duncan didn’t know what to say. He felt like he should have assumed River’s past sexual encounters were something of that nature. “Oh…”

Duncan had never slept with a sexual assault survivor before. True, that wasn’t exactly how River looked at it, since he’d always said ‘yes’ to his clients. But, Duncan couldn’t help but think of it that way. River may have said ‘yes’, but when his ability to put food in his stomach was dependent upon his willingness to have sex with strangers, the amount of actual consent involved was hard to tell. River’s consent had been coerced, so was his ‘yes’ even a ‘yes’?

It was one thing for a person to be involved with sex-work because they wanted to be. But, the problem was that River HADN’T wanted it…

“I made, I guess, okay money doing that. I could always afford to eat for a few days after I’d gone home with someone. I worked for this one guy, and when people stopped he’d try to sell me as something ‘exotic’, I guess… He called me a he—“ River struggled, swallowed. “He called me a— herm— A he— A—A word I really didn’t like that started with an H. And it got some people more interested in me. Some people, they hear… that word… and right away they want to see what I look like naked.”

Duncan flinched, he suddenly felt warm in a very unpleasant way. He remembered how he’d been so curious to see what River’s penis looked like before, and a part of him HAD wondered about how River’s body had been like prior to when he’d gotten his surgery. “Um… Please don’t be mad, but when I found out, I got… A little curious, too.”

River didn’t say anything. He couldn’t get angry at Duncan. He knew his condition was… Rare, and extremely misunderstood— It was that sort of misunderstanding at his birth that had wreaked havoc over his life for so long. “A—At least you knew better than to ask right away, or tell me to ‘show’ you… That’s what normally happened.”

“I still feel bad… When I found out, I couldn’t stop thinking about if, how it was before, if it was painful for you. Physically, I mean. I know it hurt emotionally. And I couldn’t stop wondering how miserable it had made you, and thinking about how angry I was at your parents and the doctors for—“

“Wait, so you were mostly just worrying about me?”

“Well, yeah,” Duncan said. “You had your… your private parts all messed up before you could even say no, and then forced to be someone else while you grew up. Of course I’d worry about that.”

“… Your first thought WASN’T ‘So, does that mean he used to have both parts’?”

“No,” Duncan said. “Did people ask you that before?”

“All the time,” River said. “That was almost always the first thing a ‘client’ asked me once they’d gotten me home.”

“I didn’t think that,” Duncan promised. “You said ‘ambiguous’, so I thought that when you were born you looked, like, in-between, or something. I wasn’t super sure… But, I mean, I only thought about that for a second because THEN I heard how the doctors just went ahead and… ‘modified’ you, or whatever you’d call that, and I was too angry to think of anything else.”

“Yeah, I think right after I was born, it was something more in-between.”

“Oh,” Duncan said. “And for some reason they decided to just turn you into a girl?” His face burned. This was probably the most personal topic in River’s life, he hoped he wasn’t feeling pressured to share the details. “Y—You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“Yeah,” River said. “I have literally NO idea why the doctors picked ‘girl’, I swear they just flipped a fucking coin,” he sighed. “I—It still didn’t look totally like an endosex person’s vagina after they did that, eith—“

“Endosex…”

“It just means ‘not intersex’,” River said. “So, like you and most other people. When they operated on me, they were trying to make me look like an endosex girl. But, my… Er, my clitoris was always… bigger. Uh, if you didn’t know, it’s like the clitoris and the penis start out from the same thing. And, what usually happens is as the baby’s getting ready to be born, it will grow into either a penis or a clitoris. But, with me I had what looked like either a huge clitoris or a tiny penis, and after the doctors decided to… I honestly think of it as they just mutilated me… The size didn’t change. And, like, I pissed out of it.”

“And, I guess that’s not where—“

“Endosex girls don’t pee from there,” River shook his head. “That’s why I used to have so much trouble sitting down to pee and always had to kinda hover. Tried to do it standing a few times, but there wasn’t… enough… to really grab and aim with, so that was a mess too. And, like my labia— which is the folds of skin around the vagina— part of it was sort of fused together, and that’s not how it usually is, either… The opening was really small.”

Duncan winced. He wasn’t sure if he liked the word ‘fused’ in relation to those sorts of parts. “Uh… Did they do it wrong?” He asked. “You don’t have to answer, but—“

“I—It’s okay,” River said. “If you have questions, that’s okay. It’s… This is probably the first time you’ve ever even… Heard about this stuff, right?”

Duncan nodded. “I mean, I’d never heard the word intersex before, but I did know what trans people were. Is that kind of what you are?”

“In a way, I guess. The things I’ve gone through are similar— I grew up confused, lonely and not understanding why being a girl hurt me so much. Everyone was always telling me I was something that I wasn’t and it was hard to live up to their expectations. I got surgery on my chest and lower parts to help me feel better, and all that. Some things are a little different, though. My body actually makes enough testosterone on its own, so I don’t need to take hormones like other trans guys would. I have… Er… I have testicles that are inside of my body, around where the ovaries and uterus would have been, I guess. Sorry if that’s super freaky for you, or—“

“Hey, no. It’s okay,” Duncan promised. “It’s not freaking me out at all. They’re… Hey, they’re inside, right? So, they’re, like, protected if you get kicked! That’s just lucky, isn’t it?”

River laughed, “I— I never thought of it that way, but yeah…”

“Oh, but the surgery you had later gave you—“

“Yeah, I have balls,” River said. “And, I COULD get kicked there, of course. I don’t think it would hurt AS bad for me as it does for you, though. But, anyway, because of the internal ones, as soon as I stopped taking those pills my parents were giving me, my body was doing what I wanted it to.”

“What were the pills?”

“They were actually the same things a trans woman would take,” River explained. “So, estrogen, and this one called Spironolactone, which suppresses testosterone production. My parents lied to me. They said that I was anemic and that the pills were iron supplements, so I didn’t think there was any reason not to take them. I never had to deal with getting a period, thankfully, since I never had the internal parts for that. And, like you asked earlier, with the operation they did on me as a baby, I’m pretty sure they DID do it wrong somehow. I got an examination there once before phallo, and they said I was… ‘shallow’. Usually, the depth for a vagina is, like, five inches I think? Mine was under one inch. So, my lower parts were never… having sex with my… My old front-parts always hurt like shit. I’d… Bleed a lot most times.”

“Wha—“

“Like I said, I don’t think they did it right. The first time I had sex, I felt like I was being ripped apart, and afterwards I just thought that was how it was supposed to be, because I’d heard lots of people bleed the first time. But, it kept happening, and it always hurt SO much, and I still kept thinking ‘Okay, this is just how it goes’, ‘cause when I was in middle school, my Mom wouldn’t sign the permission slip for me to take Sex-Ed, so all I knew was what was in the health textbook, which wasn’t much. I just… I had no idea what was normal, or how to do anything, so I thought it was just supposed to feel like that. Only, then I started to wonder how the Hell humans haven’t gone extinct yet if THAT’S what having sex is like.”

“Were people really rough with you?”

“A lot of them were,” River said. “But, even if I was with someone that was trying to be gentle, it would still hurt. Back when I could go online, I’d read stuff about trans people, and trans women who’d had a lower surgery WERE able to enjoy sex. I have to assume that procedure’s at least kinda similar to what was done to me, so that means the doctors must have fucked something up.”

“I think they did that a lot…” Duncan wondered if River had forced himself to become numb to the pain so that it didn’t show on his face, or if he DID react to it and his clients always kept going regardless. Surely, at that point, it HAD to count as assault, right? His clients KNEW he was homeless, they KNEW he was—

Something else hit Duncan then; River was only sixteen years old when he became homeless.

And when that struck him, it was like the brakes had suddenly be slammed on this whole thing. “Ummmm… River? I just… Did you start seeing clients RIGHT after your parents kicked you out?”

“A couple months after,” River said.

“Did your clients know that… Er…”

“They knew I was homeless.”

“You were sixteen,” Duncan said. “You were still… Did they know that part?”

“Yeah.”

“River… Sixteen is… Real young.”

“I know, it was bad, but I HAD to—“

“Hey, no. YOU’RE not the one who did anything wrong,” Duncan told him. “That stuff NEVER should have happened… Are you okay?”

“I think so,” River said. “But, the thing is… What I’ve been meaning to tell you is… You know, since every time that I had sex before, it just wasn’t fun… It always hurt, and sometimes I felt scared, and… All of that… I’m nervous that…”

“You’re scared to have sex with me?” Duncan asked. “You’re afraid I’ll hurt you, or that you’ll have to do something you don’t like?”

River nodded. “Yeah…”

“I don’t want to hurt you, River,” Duncan said. “That’s the last thing I want. If something feels bad, you can tell me and I’ll stop it right away. I… I want to make you cum, River. I really, REALLY want to make you cum.”

River went red. “Tonight?”

“If you want. If you’re not ready, we don’t have to.”

“Okay, I DO want to try,” River said, shakily fiddling with his pajama buttons. “I’ve never… Done things with— I’ve never done anything since I got my phalloplasty.”

“Cool, so I’ll be the first one!” Duncan smiled. “Apart from you, I guess…”

“Um, no,” River said. “When I told you I’ve never done anything like that with it, I meant I haven’t done ANYTHING.”

“You never did stuff by yourself?” Duncan was surprised. If he’d just gotten a new dick that would be the FIRST thing he did!

“Nope,” River blushed, looked away. “I’ve only ever touched it to pee, or to adjust it in my pants and stuff. It’s… Stupid. But, uh, I spent my whole life wishing I had a penis, and then when I got one, I thought if I wasn’t careful with it, I’d break it…”

“Pffft— WHAT!?” Duncan couldn’t help laughing. He clamped a hand over his mouth and fought to hold it in when he saw the red-faced humiliation on River’s face. “I—I’m sorry!” He cried. Hell, for all he knew, maybe it WAS possible for River to break it somehow! “Y—You can’t actually do that, can you?”

“No,” River said. “I know, it’s stupid. But, I got all anxious about it anyway. I’ve had nightmares where it’s suddenly gone and I’m back to how it was before. And, sometimes I just kinda stare at it in the shower because I can’t get over the fact it’s actually a part of me.”

Duncan was still covering his mouth. “Oh, well, THAT’S totally normal, I look at mine all the time too.”

River pulled down his pajama pants, cupping the bulge in his boxers. “I guess you’ve already seen it a few times,” he said. “Dunno why I’m feeling shy now.”

“It’s okay. If you just wanna do something over your clothes again, that’s fine too.”

“Cool.”

Duncan swung his legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing the back of his head. He’d never felt this nervous before a sexual encounter in his life! He’d usually been so confident, ready to get down to it right away. With River, he felt anxious, afraid of messing it up, and a deep need to go slowly since that seemed to be what River needed. “And, you said you ARE supposed to be able to cum, right?”

“Yep,” River said. “It IS supposed to be possible for me to orgasm. They keep… The nerve endings of the clitoris are kind of ‘released’ during the surgery and they’ll, like, grow into the dick. And the clitoris itself gets sorta buried around the base. So, I’ll be able to feel… Whatever you end up doing to me.”

“Cool…” Duncan said. What WAS he going to do to River, though? River needed slow, so maybe he’d just feel him up tonight. Then, later they could do more. Duncan had never had a preference between being the top or the bottom. “Hey, would you be able to top if you wanted?”

River blushed even harder as he imagined it. The idea of gripping Duncan around the shoulders as he pounded into him… “Y—Yeah,” he squeaked.

Duncan tugged at his own pajama bottoms, holding the material from the need to do something with his hands. River had never fooled around with himself before, so he wouldn’t know what he enjoyed. What if Duncan accidentally did something that he REALLY didn’t like? Like, maybe there was a spot River couldn’t handle being touched? “Promise me that you’ll speak up if something feels bad, alright?”

“I will…” River stood, took a deep breath, and tugged down his boxers. He left them on the floor as he climbed back into bed, sitting with his legs parted, trying to display himself for Duncan. He was shaking, this felt so weird. Every time he’d done this in the past, he’d bared himself and tried not to let the shame show on his face, unable to look away from the reaction of whoever was staring. He’d always know what they were thinking, and that it was never anything kind. They’d be turned on, but only by the idea that having sex with River was something they could say was ‘unusual’. Some ‘exotic’ activity they could cross off of an imaginary list. River would be an object, a sex toy, his value always came from the fact he was viewed as a ‘rarity’, a ‘collectors item’. He was never a person with any thoughts or feelings.

He was staring at Duncan now with trepidation. Duncan wouldn’t see him that way, River knew he wouldn’t! He couldn’t! Duncan always said how much he loved him, Duncan knew River was a human, Duncan loved him, Duncan loved him…

Duncan’s eyes had been trailing all over River’s body, but now he stopped when he realized his boyfriend’s tremors. “Hey…” he said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I— I want you t—to…” River managed. “But— But… What do you see when y—you look at me?”

Duncan answered quickly, and he hoped not too quickly. “I see someone that I love,” he said, kissing River’s cheek. “I see someone who is very strong,” another kiss. “I see someone who’s… Who’s been hurt before, and who needs me to take care of him,” one more kiss. “I see someone who needs me to help him see himself the way I see him.”

River leaned into Duncan’s kisses. These were the words he needed to hear, and he could tell Duncan meant them. “I l-love you too…” he said.

River was shaking less now, but Duncan still wouldn’t feel right moving forward yet. “When you… Were with other people, they saw you a different way, didn’t they?”

River nodded. “They just liked how they could pretend I was whatever they wanted me to be at their convenience. They didn’t think I was a person at all, and once my clothes were off, it was like I wasn’t even a living thing. A lot of them got… Rough, and called me… Things, and… Stuff…”

Duncan held River. Now, he really wasn’t sure if River was ready to be touched again. All of the past touches had hurt… Would new touches be scary even if they weren’t painful? “If you don’t want to do anything tonight… It’s okay,” Duncan told him. “I can be patient for as long as you need… And, I promise, I will never be rough, I will never call you things you don’t like, I—“

“I— I want you to touch me…” River said. “I want… I want to know if it can actually feel good. Just… Be real slow, and tell me everything that you’re going to do before you do it. I th—think I just need for you to ask before every new thing.”

“I can go slow…” Duncan’s mouth went dry. “I can do this however you need me to, River…”

River parted his legs again.

“Can I…” Duncan tentatively a hand slowly towards River’s crotch, and River went red. “Can I stroke it?”

“Yeah, if you want to,” River breathed out.

Duncan moved his hand, shocked by how nervous he felt as he touched River’s dick. It felt exactly like he’d imagined it would. Thick and warm. Duncan stroked It gently, the skin and the scar tissue varying in texture. River gasped sharply when Duncan slowly circled along his base, and Duncan pulled back. “W—Was that a bad place? I’m sorry, I—“

“N—No…” River said, parting his legs further. “It felt… Really, really good. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like it before. Can you do that more?”

Duncan placed his hand back, moving it up and down along River’s shaft, pumping it. He enjoyed the feeling of it against his hand, but not as much as he was enjoying River’s little moans. The concern was still there, though. River still wasn’t getting… He stopped, and River whimpered, protesting the loss of the stimulation.

“Am… Uh, am I doing it wrong?” Duncan asked.

River shook his head, “You’re doing great, please, I want more…”

Duncan shrugged, River sure was acting like this was making him feel amazing. “Uh…” Duncan went back to stroking River’s dick. He felt some tension down around the base now, but… “You still aren’t getting… This is a stupid question, but does it just not get hard?”

“I—It’s not stupid,” River promised. “I guess you just wouldn’t know this stuff. But, yeah, I CAN get hard, it’s just… Different.” He reached between his legs to cup his balls and began squeezing firmly, which really confused Duncan until he saw River’s cock beginning to raise. “I—Is this too weird?”

“It’s not weird,” Duncan assured. “Want me to keep going?”

“Yes,” River breathed out. “Please? It feels so good…”

Duncan went back to pumping River’s cock. “Gonna go faster now, alright?”

River nodded eagerly.

Duncan increased his speed, River’s cock was so much easier to grip now. River bucked his hips against Duncan’s touch, and Duncan sped up further. River had never felt this way before in his life. None of the previous times that he’d had sex had felt even remotely good. At best, it had been an inconvenience that he had to get through before he could have food. At worst it had been excruciatingly painful. River had honestly come to believe that the idea sex was supposed to be pleasurable was some sort of myth and everyone was so set on keeping up the illusion that they refused to admit it.

This felt amazing, though. And River didn’t think it was only because he actually had the right part this time. It was because he actually WANTED to do this, he WANTED Duncan to touch him. This wasn’t just something River was doing because he HAD to, because if he didn’t he’d have to go hungry for another day. This wasn’t about surviving, this was about living. “Mmmf… Duncan…”

River looked into Duncan’s eyes blearily, and he saw someone who wasn’t viewing him as a toy, a thing to ‘try out’ and toss aside, then shamefully pretend he’d never had anything to do with. He saw someone who adored him, who adored his body— And not because it appealed to a kink, but because it was HIS body. He saw someone who wanted to make HIM feel good, rather than someone trying to think of the various ways to USE him for their own pleasure.

Duncan loved River’s body, it was clear on his face. He thought River was an attractive, hot man, just like any other. For the first time in River’s life, he felt like the person touching him respected him. Duncan’s mouth pressed itself against River’s, his tongue poking past River’s lips to explore further. River opened his mouth wider and allowed this, because he WANTED to allow it. He wanted it so, so much… He wanted Duncan…

Tension and ecstasy built up in River’s body, growing and growing until he was squirming his hips frantically. He wanted more, he needed more, and Duncan was all too happy to oblige.

River moaned loudly into Duncan’s mouth as he came. Nothing visible happened to his cock, save for a very tiny amount of clear fluid, but he arched his back and his hands dug themselves firmly into Duncan’s shoulders, pulling him even closer. Duncan kept up his strokes as River rode through wave after wave of pleasure.

River’s eyes flew open, stunned by this new sensation. He had definitely NEVER felt this before. Was— Was this what an orgasm felt like? His body just kept getting inundated with more pleasurable trills, and River couldn’t think of anything else this could be. Duncan had actually gotten him to cum…

River started to go slack a moment later, and Duncan pulled back. “Did… Did I make you—“

River nodded limply, “I… Hadn’t thought I could…”

Duncan slowed his hand, looked at it and saw it was clean. “Oh, but—“

“Th—That’s… Another thing that just works different for me,” River said. “But, you… I’ve never felt anything like that before…”

‘Ah, right,’ Duncan thought. ‘Of course, River’s body wouldn’t make…’ He looked into River’s lap. “Aw, somebody’s still hard,” he teased. “You need more?”

“W—We can do more in—in a second, I have to catch my breath…” River looked down. “Uh… it goes down if I…” He reached between his legs, squeezed his balls and pressed on his member to deflate it. Right away, his cock was going soft again.

Duncan stared. Luckyyy! SO many of Duncan’s awkward high school experiences could have been avoided if all he’d needed to do to get rid of an unwanted boner was push it down for a second before getting up from his desk!

“I hope you’re a little less curious now,” River said.

“I—I wasn’t just curious! I wanted to make y—“

“I know, I know,” River smirked. “And you DID make me feel good… I’m actually glad you asked me so many questions, and everything. I could tell you just wanted to make sure you were doing the right stuff.”

Duncan leaned against him, “Did I do the right stuff?”

River gave him a kiss on the cheek, “Definitely. Congratulations, you’re the only person to ever make me cum.” He thought for a moment. “Y—You know what? I’m gonna say that what we just did was my REAL first time.”

“Because of how you had the right parts?”

“No,” River said. “Because it was finally with someone I loved and WANTED to get touched by.”

Duncan kissed River back. “None of it made you feel scared, right?”

River shook his head, “I felt safe. You KEPT me safe.”

“Good…” Duncan stroked his thumb against River’s hand. “I’m really sorry that you had to feel un-safe so many times before.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault…” River said. “But… Yeah, what you were doing? Asking me for permission for everything and being so gentle? That’s exactly what I needed, you did everything right.”

Duncan hugged him tightly, “Thank you, I was really worried about messing it up.”

“You did really good,” River assured. “We can try more things later, and it’s okay if you have more questions.”

Duncan laid down. River took the place beside him and nuzzled his shoulder, so Duncan rubbed his back. There was one other thing Duncan had been wondering about. The only surgery he’d ever had was when he got his wisdom teeth removed, and he could still remember how sore his mouth had been afterwards. River’s surgeries had involved tissue being removed from his chest, skin coming off his arm, and his pelvic area getting re-modeled. That was a LOT more intense than just having some teeth pulled out. “Uh, did the surgeries hurt?” He asked. “I don’t mean the one from when you were a baby, I know THAT one hurt you, but what about the others?”

“They weren’t actually THAT bad,” River said. “I had some trouble walking after both the top and bottom surgeries, because I was definitely pretty sore. And… Well, I guess you’ve probably noticed I’m not much of a clean-freak, or whatever…”

“You barely ever remember to wash your hands after you pee,” Duncan laughed.

“Yeah,” River agreed. “But, even so, it’s tricky to shower after the operations, because you aren’t supposed to let certain areas get too wet. I had to take sponge baths with just a rag, pretty much. And, even for someone who doesn’t care that much if they get dirty, that got uncomfortable after a while. The bottom surgery was a little more difficult to recover from, Hugo had to help me do basically EVERYTHING until I was able to move on my own easily again. He even had to help with super embarrassing, personal things for a bit... But, the actual PAIN wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t like I was in agony. Just really sore, like if I’d exercised too hard. I think some of that was mental though. I mean, I was just SO happy that my body was fixed, it was hard to feel anything else.”

Duncan smiled, “And, I guess, by now it doesn’t hurt at all, right?”

“Mostly,” River said. “Sometimes I get, like, phantom pains in the arm they took the skin from. I think THAT might all be mental too, though. ‘Cause I only really feel it if I’m paying attention to the arm and really thinking about it… Actually, now that I think about it, the most painful part of the whole process happened BEFORE the actual surgery.”

“Oh?” Duncan asked.

“Yeah… It’s actually a sorta funny story,” River said. “Um, you know what an ultrasound is, right?”

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Some discussion of surgery here, but it's fairly glossed over since River wasn't awake for it, and I kinda skipped straight to the "important" (read; piss-related) parts. But, that does mean there's some description of catheter-use. (Nothing about it being inserted.) Everyone's experience with catheterization will be different, so what River feels here is based off how it felt for me.

I don't think everybody is required to have an ultrasound before a phalloplasty, but I did have one since there was something specific they wanted to check, and they did require a full bladder for it (I may write about my own experience with that some day, since me being pee-shy made it a little harder lol). River would have been told to have this procedure as well.

***

When Hugo had first met River, had first found this hurt, angry boy that reminded him so much of his lost son, Hugo had at first had no idea what River’s situation was.

He’d just seen someone that was extremely combative, lashing out, and obviously deeply wounded. He’d seen someone that seemed to have nobody at all. He’d seen someone that needed help and guidance. He’d offered River a place to sleep for a while, and when River had crawled into his car, he’d reminded Hugo of an abused feral cat, not at all capable of trust. He’d wondered what could have happened for such a young person to behave that way, for such a young person to be out on the streets all alone.

When he’d gotten River home, he’d fed him and was startled by how fast River stuffed food into his mouth, by how aggressively he acted when Hugo got close to him, like he was scared the food was about to snatched away if he didn’t protect it and eat it as fast as he could. At that point, River had only said a few words to Hugo, answering his questions with single word answers.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Kinda.”

“Where do you live?”

“Nowhere.”

“Have you got a family?”

“No.”

“Do you have somewhere to sleep?”

“No.”

“Do you want somewhere to sleep?”

“Okay.”

“How do you feel?”

“Hungry.”

But, when Hugo made his next offer to River, he finally managed to get more of a response from him. “Your clothes… Let me wash them.”

It was like he’d just asked River if he wanted to be stabbed. “No!” He’d backed away, wrapping his arms around himself.

“I don’t mean you need to take them off right in front of me—“ Hugo said cautiously, understanding why River was so bothered. He’d just taken in a guy who looked maybe… Nineteen…? Twenty…? It was hard to tell since River was so malnourished and scrawny. He’d taken this guy home, had given him food, had been coming across perhaps as overly nice. He knew how it must have looked to River. River didn’t act like he’d ever had someone be nice to him just for the sake of being nice. “I meant in the bathroom, behind the door. I’ll give you some pajamas, and—“

“I— I can’t—“ River was shaking. “I can’t… You— You don’t want to know what I am…”

River was wearing long sleeves, long pants… He wasn’t sure why River had been without a home, but lots of people in his situation tended to have had issues with drugs. “Hey, if you’ve got scars,” Hugo said. “If you don’t want me to see them, I’ll just get you some PJs that cover them up… But, I don’t care if you have a gnarly scar, it’s—“

“I can’t!” River repeated, voice raising.

Hugo stepped back, holding a hand out, in the way he would if he was trying to pet that abused, feral cat River reminded him of. “Okay… Okay… I do think you’d feel better if you took a shower, though.”

River continued to tremble. He stroked the unruly stubble coating his chin, and shook more. “I— I’ll take a bath…” he said at last. “Y—You can wash my clothes… But…” he crossed his arms over his chest, each hand holding the opposite arm in a vice. “I need… I need bandages…”

“You’re hurt,” Hugo finished. So, that was what this was about. He had an injury, and he didn’t want Hugo to see it. “Where are you hurt? Your chest? Let me—“

“NO!” River shot all the way to the other end of the room when Hugo reached for him. “I’ll do it! Just— I need bandages, the kind they wrap around you if your arm’s swelling up, okay?”

Hugo knit his brow. “Something’s swollen? Have you broken something?”

“Nooo,” River said. “It’s nothing, I just NEED them.”

Hugo reluctantly went into the bathroom to check. He wished River would tell him what was hurting him so he could help, so he could take River to a clinic if he needed to, but if River didn’t trust him enough yet, that was fine too. That was understandable. He did have the sort of bandage River was asking for, and he told him as much.

River finally agreed to take a shower then. Hugo listened as he did, for any whimpers of pain that would suggest River’s injury was more serious than he was letting on. He didn’t hear any, though. Once the water was off, River stayed in there for a VERY long time. Hugo heard the bandages being ripped, and clothing ruffling, and then silence as River just… stayed there.

Hugo didn’t know what all River had been doing on the streets, he hadn’t been ACTING like he was high, but then again, Hugo didn’t know what high LOOKED like. Maybe all that defensiveness was a sign of something else… Fearing the worst, he knocked on the door. “Are you okay?”

“Y—Yes!” River called back.

“Can you come out now?”

“I— I don’t…” he broke off, sniffling. “I can’t…”

“Why not?” Hugo asked. “Are you oka—“

“You haven’t got enough bandages…” River said miserably. “It’s not… It’s not working, and—“

“… Can I come in?”

“No, please… Just… Just leave me alone. I’ll go. I’m sorry for taking up your time. I’m sorry for…” River was crying now, and it twisted something inside Hugo.

Hugo opened the door, and stepped inside. “Hey…” he said. “Don’t cry. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not so bad…”

River hiccuped, his arms once more crossing over his chest. “N—No, don’t look at me!”

“I want to help you out,” Hugo said. “It looks like you’re in a lot of pain. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Y—You’ll make me leave…” River sobbed. “You’ll be… You’ll hate me…”

“I’m not going to make you leave,” Hugo said. “Just, let me help you. I promise, whatever it is, it will be okay.”

“It won’t be…” River said. “Nothing can fix it… SEE?” He pulled his arms away, and Hugo looked. At first, he had no idea what River was talking about, but then he noticed it, River’s chest wasn’t flat and smooth, and he was way too thin for what Hugo was seeing to merely be excess fat.

Hugo was perplexed for a second. River had stubble on his face, messy facial hair that hadn’t been trimmed in too long. His voice wasn’t super deep, but it wasn’t anything like a woman’s. But, then he also had… He wanted bandages to stop swelling… “Does… Um… Is that what it looks like if you broke your ribs…?”

Silence permeated the bathroom, and then to Hugo’s astonishment, River’s sobs turned into laughs. Laughter that made him double over and hold his sides, and that would have been excruciating if his ribs had been broken. Once River had calmed down, he said “Is THAT what you think?”

“Well… Yeah,” Hugo said, unable to come up with any other reason, except maybe… “Er, did you… Did you use steroids?” That seemed unlikely given how skin and bones River was…

“No,” River said. “But… It is because of something else I took… But, I didn’t want to take it, that’s… That’s why I’m alone now.”

“Can you tell me about it?”

From there, River had explained a lot of things to Hugo. Hugo had never heard the word ‘intersex’ before, had no idea that there were people out there who were in between male and female, had no idea how those people were sometimes treated after they were born. “So, your doctors and your family decided to make you into a girl?”

“Yes,” River said. “But, I never was one. And it made me feel awful, so when I found out that those pills were the only reason I was turning into a woman, I stopped taking them. My parents got mad and made me leave.”

“How old were you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Jesus Christ…” Hugo breathed. “Alright, I can’t say I understand ALL that stuff you just told me about, like, chromosomes and hormones and everything else, but I can tell you that throwing your child out at sixteen because some pills made them feel uncomfortable is a load of nonsense— Did you NEED to have that surgery done when you were a baby, or the pills?”

“Nope,” River said. “When I found out, my Dad told me that I would have been healthy without the surgery and without the pills, but that I would have ‘confused’ other people too much if I stayed that way.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Hugo said. “I was confused at first, but then you just… Explained it. And I guess it’s new, and I’m probably gonna say some stupid stuff to you for a bit because I’m not getting it, but I’m not gonna throw you out of here over it. I still want to help you.”

So, that was what Hugo had tried to do. He’d just… Had no idea WHAT to do. He got River more bandages so he could keep his chest flattened, and that made River happy. But, they also seemed to HURT him. He struggled to run, and seemed to fight to catch his breath often. He slept with the bandages still on, and was often found rubbing his shoulders and wincing with pain. Hugo started to wonder if the bandages were the right thing. He couldn’t think of anything else, and River was always upset if he didn’t have them.

One day, after seeing River fidgeting at the material beneath his shirt again, Hugo had an idea. “So… All this started because somebody gave you a surgery you didn’t want, right?”

River nodded. That was the simplest way to explain it… “If they’d just left me alone, I would have been…” he trailed off.

“But, what if a different surgery can fix it?” Hugo asked. “Put it back the way it was, or better, or… Something?”

River shook his head. “There’s a surgery to get rid of the chest. And another that can fix… down there. But, they’re both really expensive. I’ll never be able to do either one. I just have to learn to—“

Hugo shook his head. “Don’t say ‘never’, River. Maybe we’ll think of something.”

River shrugged. He’d accepted long ago that he was going to have to live with what had been done to his body for the rest of his life. He’d been working for Hugo’s furniture business for months by then and it was nice— certainly better than any other job River had ever worked— but they lived in a small apartment, their hours of meticulous work only getting them the barest of essentials. River was fine with that, it was still more than he’d had in a long time. But, nowhere near enough to pay for surgeries.

But, then Hugo let River in on a secret. Their business was actually making a bit MORE money than he’d been letting on. But, the vast majority of it had been going to charities to help victims of gun violence. “For a while,” Hugo said. “I can donate to YOU instead.”

River was shocked, utterly shocked, that a human could exist that was as giving as Hugo was. Here he was, making enough money to live in an actual house and eat out often, but he was choosing instead to cut back so that he could help others. A burning had ignited in the backs of River’s eyes then, he’d believed for so long that everyone on Earth was out only for themselves, that they’d all gladly step on each other to get ahead…

River had done the work to find the right doctors, and Hugo had gone with him to the appointments. When River revealed how he’d been dealing with his chest, he’d actually gotten scolded a bit. The bandages had been the wrong method, they’d put him at risk of ACTUALLY breaking a rib like Hugo had initially guessed. He was given something else to wear until the date of his top surgery, and he found it much more comfortable than the bandages. “You need to take it off when you go to bed,” the doctor said. “Don’t forget.”

“… Should he have been taking the bandages off before he sleeps, too?” Hugo asked.

At that, the doctor insisted on examining River more thoroughly for a second. River was reluctant, but complied, and was relieved nothing was too terribly wrong.

A couple months later, his chest was all fixed up, and even though he was recovering from a surgery, he felt better than he ever had. “When’s the next step?” Hugo asked him.

Fixing River’s lower parts was going to be trickier. River was scared that his Intersex condition would make Phalloplasty impossible, but after he saw the surgeon for the first time, he was promised there was nothing to worry about.

At the time, River wasn’t entirely sure if he needed a hysterectomy or not. “My Dad mentioned I have… ‘internal testes’,” River said. “So, I guess someone must have checked out my insides when I was really little, and I just don’t remember it. He didn’t say if the testes meant there wasn’t something else.”

River told everyone that he’d never gotten a period in his life, and that he assumed that meant there wasn’t anything in there, but they still wanted to confirm. There was still a small possibility that he had at least one ovary, even if it wasn’t functional.

The easiest way to know for sure was to give River an ultrasound, which he didn’t think he’d mind doing. Until he learned that he’d need to arrive for the exam with a full bladder. A really, really full bladder. He began to dread the examination.

When the day came, he woke up in desperate need of the bathroom, like he always did. But, he was advised by Hugo not to waste his pee. “You might not fill up again in time for your appointment.”

River paused with his hand against the restroom door. Miserably, he shimmied his hips and said “It’s already an emergency, though…”

“I know, but your appointment is pretty soon,” Hugo told him.

River shuffled between his feet, gazing longingly at the bathroom. Just looking at the door was making his bladder squeeze. He didn’t think he could contain this until his appointment. At least, not ALL of it. He had an idea, but wasn’t sure if it would work. “Could I just go a little bit?” He asked.

“River—“

“I mean— I’ll pee for, like, ten seconds. Just so it’s not as bad. Then I’ll hold the rest of it, I promise.”

Hugo looked at him skeptically. Hugo had certainly never been capable of stopping a piss partway through. The way River was staring at him, his eyes filled with pure need, his body twitching and writhing through his desperation made Hugo REALLY want to give in. “Okay…” he said finally. “But, make SURE you stop.”

River nodded, gasping out a “Thanks!” As he shoved open the restroom’s door. Crossing his legs tightly, he opened the lid on the toilet, then pushed down his pants. His bladder was searing. Just being in this room was murder on the bloated organ. He lowered himself above the bowl, one hand gripped onto the sink counter beside the toilet for balance. Then, he leaned his upper body forward a little and finally allowed his urine to start pouring.

With a relieved breath, River thought to himself ‘Pretty soon, I’m not gonna have to piss this way anymore, I’ll be able to just go…’ He looked down, making sure his pee WAS falling into the toilet, rather than gushing too far forwards and hitting the seat. Once he’d confirmed he wasn’t making a mess, he started to relax further, his stream picking up speed. Ahhh, that was bett—

But then there was a knock on the door. “That’s been more than ten seconds, River,” Hugo called.

Oh, right… River wasn’t supposed to let himself finish. With a pained grunt, he clamped down on his holding muscles and tried to put an end to his flood. He restrained it, but a few more eager trickles managed to push their way out. Finally, he shoved a hand up against himself and held it there for a few seconds, and he was able to stop going. Something inside him felt like it was being pinched and he moaned loudly in pain. It took him several more seconds to manage to get his pants back up and leave the restroom.

“Did that help at all?” Hugo asked him.

River paused and considered it. His bladder was definitely irritated now, annoyed that it hadn’t been able to drain itself completely. But, he also didn’t feel the pressure all the way up to his ribcage anymore, so it was a LITTLE better. “I… I guess now I feel like I’m gonna burst in ten minutes instead of in ten seconds,” he said. “That’s gotta count for something.”

“That’s good,” Hugo said, then hesitated. “I… I know you aren’t gonna like this, but you should have one glass of water before we go…”

“I don’t think I’ve got anywhere to PUT it until I ‘go’,” River complained.

“You heard what they told you at the last appointment, you need to be… ‘full’.”

“I am beyond full already!” River said. “Please— I can’t fit anymore, I’ll—“

“Half a glass,” Hugo interrupted. “Okay? That a good compromise?”

River didn’t know if he could take even a SIP, but half a glass was still better than a whole one. “O—Okay, fine…”

Hugo went to the kitchen and retrieved a glass. River doubled over when he heard the sink come on, heard the water tinkling into the receptacle. The respite his ten seconds of relief had granted him was rapidly evaporating. And now he was gonna have to put MORE fluid into himself.

Hugo returned and held the glass out to River. River used the hand NOT shoved between his thighs to take it. He didn’t even think the glass was necessary, he half expected the sonographer to come in, see how utterly desperate he was, and say “Oh no, when we said ‘full’, we didn’t mean THIS full! Go let some of that out and come back!”

River forced the glass up to his lips and parted them. When the cool liquid coated over his tongue, he started to shudder. Swallowing it made it feel like an iron fist had slammed into his bladder. He forced himself to continue, forced himself to keep drinking, to keep filling up a container that was already at the edge of overflowing. He pulled the glass away from his mouth like it was full of molten lava. There was still a TINY bit of water left in the bottom, and he hoped Hugo wouldn’t make him finish it.

“Is that all you can do?” Hugo asked. “Just one more sip, River…”

River shook his head, like Hugo just requested him to pour acid all over his feet. “Please, no more… I— I need to actually MAKE IT to the appointment, remember?” As the words flew from his mouth, he realized he hadn’t even considered THAT possibility yet. He’d only been thinking about how horridly uncomfortable the drive would be, how torturous the exam itself would be.

He hadn’t thought about how he may actually have an accident before he even GOT there. There was a fairly good chance of that, too…

“Okay, okay,” Hugo said. “I guess by the time you’re there, you should be ready.”

“I am so fucking ready right now…” River mumbled. Beseechingly, he looked up at Hugo again. “Could I… Maybe… Have ANOTHER ten seconds before we—“

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, River. It sounded like you just barely stopped yourself the last time… Let’s just go. This won’t take too long, I promise. And the doctor’s office is really close. It’ll all be over before you know it!”

River frowned and chewed on his lip. He didn’t think this would be done quickly enough for him. His bladder was gnarled and angry, thrashing around and sending shooting pains up his back. He tried to recall if he’d ever needed it this badly before…

Hugo didn’t LIKE having to make River suffer like this. It made his chest hurt to deny River something he needed so horrifically. But, this was a step on the road to improving River’s life monumentally, one morning of (very severe) discomfort was a small price to pay. He hoped River would see it that way once it was all over.

He hoped River would MAKE it…

As Hugo drove, River fidgeted in the passenger seat, yanking desperately on his seat belt, trying out every position he could. He kept muttering curses to himself, occasionally just moaning “I have to peeeeee!” under his breath. His hands dug between his legs and his feet tapped constantly. “How far are we?” River asked suddenly.

“You’ve been there before, you know where—“

“How many more minutes!?” River groaned. “I— Ah— I can’t even see straight!”

“Maybe five more minu—“

“Holy fuck, stop the car, I gotta use a bush NOW.”

“River—“

“Ten seconds!” River blurted. “I won’t let it all out, just— Just please, another ten seconds, I NEED to—“

“We’re almost there, River,” Hugo promised. “This is important to you, isn’t it?”

“Yesssss,” River gritted. “I— I know that I have to do this, but— Christ, PISSING is super important to me right now, too!”

“I know it is, just hang on…” Hugo said.

They pulled into the parking lot and River scrambled out of the car. He jumped in place and held his crotch tightly. He didn’t care if anyone saw, he didn’t care if it was obvious that he was about to erupt like an overactive geyser. He was in the parking lot of a place that performed ultrasounds! He probably wasn’t the first person to be flailing and jiggling all around here.

Hugo had to guide him into the building and help him take a seat in the waiting room. River immediately scrunched up on himself, eyes glued closed as he took panicked, hurried gasps.

Hugo went to the receptionist and handled everything— No way could River do it himself right now. If HE tried to talk, all he’d be able to say is something along the lines of “For the love of God, PLEASE tell me I can use a fucking toilet soon!”

As Hugo filled out the paperwork, he spoke in a hushed tone. He knew River was beyond the point of caring, but he didn’t want to embarrass him. “And… Could you please try to call River back there as fast as you can? I’m sure you’ve seen this happen before, but he is… in VERY desperate need of the bathroom, and I’m not sure how much longer he can put it off.”

“Oh. Yeah. Everyone coming here for that needs to go,” the receptionist laughed. “A full bladder makes the scan better, so it’s actually awesome that he’s feeling uncomfortable.”

“I—It’s a little more than uncomfortable…” Hugo said. “Could you tell me how long it will take for him to be seen? Just so I can give him an estimate?”

“We’re a TINY bit backed up today,” the receptionist said. She was still smiling as she said it. Hugo was grateful River wasn’t here to see it, otherwise he may very well go ballistic. “But, we should get to him in about half an hour.”

Half an hour…

Hugo REALLY hoped River had that left in him.

Hugo took a seat beside River, whom was now folded in half and tying his legs in pained knots. “River, buddy, it’s gonna—“

“H—How much longer!?” River pleaded.

“Thirty minutes,” Hugo said.

River responded with an anguished moan, squeezing his thighs tightly around his clamped hands. That sounded like an eternity! Part of him wanted to get up, head over to the receptionist, and DEMAND that he be moved to the very FRONT of the line before he urinated all over the floor.

Hugo would not be pleased if he made a scene though, so he forced himself to remain in his chair and stay quiet. His bladder kept screeching and shouting for relief, though.

A girl on the other end of the room was clearly fighting hard not to pop, too. As River waited, he saw her get up and hobble to the receptionist’s desk multiple times. Eventually, she was speaking loudly enough that River could hear her.

“I’m about to wet my pants! I need to go next!”

Her voice pinged something in River’s brain, and it struck him that he actually KNEW this girl. Or, rather, he USED to. They’d gone to school together. He remembered her, her name was Becky. She and River had been lab partners in science class, back before River’s parents had evicted him and he’d needed to drop out of tenth grade.

River trembled for a different reason when he figured that out. He knew he looked a HELL of a lot different from how he had back then. He’d cut his hair a lot shorter, he’d dyed it blue. He had stubble on his face now. He didn’t have… the chest that he’d had before. Still, he worried that she’d recognize him, and that idea was frightening.

Even if Becky saw him, knew who he was and simply thought ‘Oh, I guess my old lab partner isn’t a girl anymore’, what if Becky then ran into his Mom and mentioned seeing him? What if Becky told his Mom what he’d looked like, how much progress he’d made? River had a terrible feeling that, if his Mom ever DID find out that he’d come this far, something absolutely awful would follow.

Luckily, Becky seemed too caught up in containing her bursting bladder to notice River and think that he may have looked like someone she used to know. River relaxed a bit then…

A bit TOO much. Fretting over Becky had distracted him from his bladder for a few minutes, and now his need was back in full force. His twisting and clutching could only help so much, and the pee inside him kept pushing so hard against his exit that he was trying not to cry.

When someone finally entered the waiting room and called his name, the relief River felt was astonishing. He forced himself onto his feet, rubbing his knees together as he limped off.

“River,” the nurse repeated. “Sorry it’s taken so long, we’ll see you in a couple more minutes.”

“But—“ River sputtered. “What— I— I’m about to—“

“I know,” the nurse said. “I see you DID come here with a full bladder— Good job! But, we’re going to have to push you back just a LITTLE bit, because one of the other patients waiting is having… A struggle. You’ll be RIGHT after her, though.”

Fuck! So if River HAD gone up to the receptionist and made a scene, they would have let him cut?! How was this fair?! He’d waited patiently and quietly! Why did Becky get to go first?! “But, I’m almost—“

Before he could finish, Becky had rushed over. “Thank you,” she gasped out. “I’m about to pee my pants, hurry up!”

“It’s alright,” said the nurse. “Follow me.”

Becky started to, and then she stared at River for an uncomfortably long second. River’s skin started to itch, and his need to pee skyrocketed to an astronomical level. A squirt managed to seep into his boxers, he felt the warmth seeping into his clutching hands. She’d recognized him! He was sure of it, and if she ever saw his Mom, she’d—

“I’m sorry,” Becky told him. “But, I’m sure you can wait— I can’t.”

River forced himself to return to his seat. He didn’t dare say a word to Becky. She might figure out who he was if she heard his voice. And… Also, if he spoke, he’d DEFINITELY say something like “No the fuck I CAN’T! My kidneys are SWIMMING! It’s supposed to be MY god damned turn, YOU wait!” And Hugo would NOT be happy with him after that.

Miserably, River sat back down, letting out a low moan as his waistband pinched into his hard, firm bladder. “Oooohhhh…”

Hugo looked at him. “I thought—“

“Th—They let someone cut me. That g—girl who kept g—going to the desk, and stuff…” River explained. He pulled his foot up into his seat and rocked frantically against it. “I’m going to piss my damned pants…”

Hugo patted his shoulder. It… REALLY wasn’t fair they’d let someone go ahead of River like that. Hadn’t they even LOOKED at him? River was obviously at the very brink of his endurance! “Y—You’re doing good,” Hugo encouraged. “You can handle this. Just a little bit longer.” He hoped River’s actual appointment would be over with quickly. He assumed it WOULD be, since all they were doing was checking if River HAD certain organs, they weren’t looking for any PROBLEMS with them. If he had ovaries, or just one, then it would be removed. If he didn’t have any, then nothing had to be done. Surely, it would only take a minute or two to confirm what was and wasn’t present inside River’s body.

“I can’t…” River was shaking his head. “I can’t wait, I have to— It’s SO fucking bad!”

“You can do it,” Hugo repeated. “Just… Just hold yourself tight, and—“

“I’ve been doing that for, like, two hours!” River exclaimed. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna have an accident… I can’t wait, I can’t do it. It hurts, it hurts…” He kept rambling for a few more minutes, until a door burst open and Becky ran through it, hands pressed firmly into her crotch.

“Ah— Where’s the—“ She dashed through the waiting room, flinging open the door to the single stall restroom. River watched in numb envy as she entered it, then lost another burst of pee into his boxers when he was able to clearly hear her stream.

“River…?” The nurse called, and River lurched to his feet, hobbling after him.

He was led into another room and instructed to pull down his pants and lift up his shirt to start the scan. River obeyed, not even feeling the embarrassment of disrobing. He needed this to be DONE, there was no time for self-consciousness. “Hurry,” River pleaded. “I am— I gotta piss like fucking crazy, and—“

“Lay down on the table,” the nurse interrupted.

River followed the instructions, then he was told to pull his boxers down a little bit from his hips, which he did. The nurse put some clear gel onto River’s lower belly and rubbed it in. River flinched and groaned as the cold hit his skin. “Oooh…”

The nurse put the scanner into the gel and slid it about. At first, it was pretty gentle, yet still enough to make River’s firm abdomen ache. But then, the device was pushed in more and more, and River was fidgeting and jerking, instinctively trying to escape the pain.

“Try to hold still,” the nurse said.

“I AM trying,” River said, managing to quell his squirms to light trembling. “But, I need to go so bad, it’s really hard!”

He looked at the images displayed on the screen, and couldn’t make much sense of them.

“Ah, well… There’s your bladder,” the nurse said. “Looks like you followed directions. It’s pretty stretched out, that’s what we like to see. Awesome job!”

River shuddered and grimaced. “Do you HAVE to poke me right there?”

The nurse removed the scanner and River felt slightly better now that the pressure was gone. But, then the nurse was putting it BACK on him again. It was no longer stroking his bladder, but it was still close enough TO it to make River wriggle.

“Hold it…” the nurse said.

“I have been!” River exclaimed. “I seriously just need to—“

“I meant stay still,” the nurse told him. “If you empty your bladder now, you will have to start over again. And if you keep moving around, this will take longer. I need you to keep still.”

River sucked in a sharp breath and forced his hips to stop bucking. He twitched under the weight of his aching bladder, and hoped that wasn’t too much movement. “Pl—Please hurry, I don’t wanna pee on the table.”

“I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying…” the nurse sighed. “It’s great that you’re feeling desperate, though. We’re going to have a really clear view…”

River gnawed on his lip as the device dug more into his skin, like it was trying to bore through him. He was beginning to get very, very dizzy. He heard the nurse continuing to talk to him, but River could barely make out a single word. When he managed to respond, it was just vague noises that didn’t convey any real meaning. River could scarcely believe this level of desperation was even possible. He half-expected one side of his abdomen to rip open and for piss to start exploding onto the table.

“Okay… Keep it still…” The nurse encouraged.

River’s thighs quivered, his toes curled inside his shoes. He gripped his fingers tightly into the paper he was laying on. He honestly couldn’t even tell if he’d started pissing himself or not. Parts of him were in agony and other parts had gone numb.

“Alright…” the nurse said finally. “Here… You were right, you were born without any ovaries, and you don’t have a uterus. A hysterectomy would be quite unnecessary in your case.”

River nodded. Good. Good. He wished they’d just taken his word for it, he liked to think his ‘hunches’ were almost always right. “O—Okay,” River said. “I thought so. I can still get phallo, right? This won’t change anything?”

“You can,” the nurse said. “All this means is you get to skip a step. See? It’s actually going to be a little EASIER for you.”

Nothing about today had been easy!

“Do you want to go down the hall and discuss that a little further? We’re done here, so—“

“Please don’t tell me I need a full bladder for THAT too!”

The nurse shook his head. “Oh… Oh right, you still need to—“

“NOW.”

“You’re free to void before you do anything else,” the nurse said. “Get up, wipe off the gel.”

River gingerly set himself down on the floor, taking shallow choppy breaths as he smoothed down his shirt. He moved his pants and boxers up slightly. He almost zipped his pants closed out of habit, but stopped himself. He was going to be pulling them DOWN in just a minute now, he wanted to be able to do that as fast as possible.

Then, he dashed out. He ran back through the waiting room so quickly that his surroundings blurred. The only thing he could see clearly was the door to the restroom he needed so, so badly… He shoved it open loudly, and is it slowly eased itself shut again, River was hopping between his feet and already pushing his pants down his legs. When he heard the door click, he pulled his boxers down as well and positioned himself over the toilet.

“Ohhhhhhh….” River moaned in ecstasy as his urine at last pumped itself free of its prison. He was spraying very forcefully, and some was hitting the seat, so he begrudgingly held back a little so it would slow down. Now that it was all landing in the bowl where it belonged, he let his eyes drift softly closed and lost himself to a world of relief.

He peed for so long that his legs started to wobble and ache from the strain of having to hold his position. When he was finally emptied, he let himself sit down all the way. He just stayed there for a moment, taking big, heaving breaths and rapidly blinking his eyes. He remained in a daze for a bit, until rapid, urgent knocks made him remember where he was and that OTHER people were desperate to do the thing HE’D just finished with. He stood and pulled up his pants, actually zipping them this time. He ran his hands under the sink for a few seconds, then left.

He felt like he was made of jelly. Really, really light, floaty, so-fucking-relieved jelly. He returned to his seat beside Hugo and sighed again. “Exam’s over. I feel fuckin’ amazing now,” he said.

“Told you that you’d make it,” Hugo said. He smiled. “And, wow, that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen you run!”

“Eheh…” River blushed. “I need to go back in there to talk to someone else about the surgery now,” he said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

When he returned to discuss his surgery further, a few more appointments were made— Luckily, none of them involved River holding his bladder until he was too full to think.

After that, he needed to get all the hair removed from part of one of his arms. This wasn’t as simple as just shaving it off, because then the hair would just grow back. He had to have it taken off permanently. When he heard HOW that would happen, he got scared again. Someone was going to place a super fine needle into EVERY hair follicle in his arm, and that needle was going to deliver an electric current in order to kill the hair root. He didn’t think he liked the idea of a needle that was going to electrocute him, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as he’d thought it would. It was kind of like a bee sting, it definitely didn’t feel GOOD, but it wasn’t as excruciating as the description had made it sound.

The rest of the steps didn’t freak him out that much. After all, he was going to be knocked out for all of those.

In the end, once everything was complete, he woke up in a bed and he finally had a fully functional penis… It had a tube sticking out of it— a catheter— and that looked strange to him. He was REALLY glad it had been put in while he was still asleep.

But, the actual finished dick didn’t look odd at all. It didn’t look out of place, which was far beyond what he could have said about his previous parts. The penis just looked like it BELONGED there. That was the most interesting part to him about it, that the sight of a penis attached to his body DIDN’T shock him, it was just what he SHOULD have had all along.

Hugo had to help him out a lot while he recovered that time. He was having a ton of trouble moving around, and the catheter had to stay in for a bit and that had to be managed. Having a catheter in was really, REALLY weird. River was used to needing to pee every couple hours, but with that thing there, a lot of the time he didn’t feel any urge to go. But, OTHER times he’d have a sharp pain, and feel like he was desperate beyond all measures for a second, only for it to immediately go away.

River slept a whole lot, took a ton of painkillers. Sometimes his arm hurt, but apart from the random spasms in his bladder, his pelvic area never caused him pain. He knew it probably SHOULD have, but he suddenly felt so GOOD about that region of his body that the discomforts of healing weren’t registering.

When it was finally time for his catheter to be removed, he was supposed to pee at the hospital just to be absolutely certain that no complications had occurred. River wasn’t sure what part of the process had done it, but once the catheter was out, he immediately felt like he was about to go all over himself— Not that his bladder was full to bursting, but that he had almost no control over the muscles that controlled it. But, he was informed that his first attempt to urinate was not supposed to occur immediately after the catheter was gone. He was to wait instead.

The doctor must have noticed the panic on his face, “I— I know it probably feels like you need to go RIGHT now, doesn’t it? Your bladder might be a little irritated for a couple days, you could have some stinging when you pee, a bit of soreness in that area, and your urine might be pink. Some patients also experience ‘leakage’ or have accidents. But if any of that happens, don’t panic, it should stop after you’ve relieved yourself a few times.”

River wanted to relieve himself now… He wriggled. “I— I don’t know, it’s like I can’t remember how to hold it, everything feels really weird…”

“Steady breaths,” the doctor encouraged him. “You’re just anxious…”

River tried to even out his breathing, and the strange ‘wobbly’ feeling in his holding muscles faded a bit. Again, he didn’t feel like he desperately had to pee, merely that ‘holding it’ at all was a major challenge, like his body was trying to remember where all those muscles even were and what to do with them.

“Now, you should drink about one glass of water per hour, bacteria builds up when you’re using a catheter, so you’re going to need to flush out your system. Don’t drink any more than that, you don’t want to ‘overfill’ your bladder while it’s still recovering, or urination will become more difficult. Avoid caffeine, and try to urinate every two hours for the rest of today— And, of course, if you NEED to go more often than that, don’t try to hold it.”

He was soon handed a cup and instructed to go.

River understood then that he was supposed to relieve himself right where he was. He was, of course, allowed to turn around, but he had to stay in this room. His bladder felt so odd and difficult to hold onto that he didn’t mind, just placed the cup beneath his tip and told himself it was time to empty.

His heart was pounding, everything around his bladder felt different now in a way he wasn’t even sure how to describe, and when he didn’t start peeing right away, he got nervous. He’d been informed that sometimes there could be ‘blockage’ of some sort following an operation like his and hoped that hadn’t happened. Would the catheter have even worked right in that case, though? And the doctors had already done some examinations River hadn’t been able to parse and they didn’t SEEM to be concerned…

“River,” the doctor said, overhearing his heavier breathing. “Don’t panic if it’s taking a second, that’s perfectly normal. We only need to worry if it keeps up for a really long time. But, it’s important you don’t try to push or force it out, just focus on relaxing.”

River tried that, but ‘focusing on relaxing’ was not an easy thing to do. Relaxing wasn’t the sort of thing a person was supposed to THINK about, if they had to concentrate on doing it, then they couldn’t actually relax!

“Hang on…” the doctor said, reaching for the sink in one corner of the room. He cranked it on, letting the water flow into the basin.

River listened to the trickling gush, and exhaled slowly as a stream began to fill the cup. He watched it pouring from his tip, and it was a surreal thing to see. It was one thing to, at last, see a penis on his body, but now he knew it could do the same things any other guy’s penis could. As he’d been warned, the pink tinge to his urine was there, and his bladder throbbed a tiny bit as he went, nevertheless, just knowing that his ‘plumbing’ was in working order made him feel immensely better.

He’d filled the cup pretty high, which the doctor was pleased about, since it meant that River was able to fully empty himself now. “Feel like you got it all out?” He asked.

“Yeah…” River said, a little embarrassed.

River was told to call the office again if he had any problems, such as worsening pain, an inability to urinate, or if the pink color in his urine got darker.

But, River didn’t have issues like that, and he stuck to the drinking and peeing schedule he’d been prescribed. The first time he had to go back at home, he lifted the lid and started to get himself into the half-hovering-half-sitting position he’d always had to use before. He felt delirious with relief, and a touch silly, when he realized he was NEVER going to have to do that again.

He could finally just sit, adjust his member and go, and none of it would spray out where he didn’t want it. ‘Oh, wait…’ he thought. ‘Duh, I can stand up now, too!’ Wanting to try that, he turned around so he was facing the bowl. He enjoyed the feeling of his penis in his hands while he aimed it, it felt so right, he felt so complete… There was nothing about him that seemed out of place anymore, nothing about him that was missing.

He was certain that he was pointing his dick correctly, but when he relaxed and started to pee, it sloshed onto the edge of the seat at first. He flinched, blushing as he tried to correct it… But went too far and sprayed the OTHER edge. Finally, he ended up leaning forwards, so that his tip was pointing straight down into the bowl, and finished peeing that way.

Feeling VERY ashamed, River got some toilet paper and dabbed up all the spills that had landed on the seat… Which he NOW realized he was probably meant to have lifted up first. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to wipe his tip off at all; Urinals didn’t have toilet paper dispensers… River didn’t want to accidentally get a wet spot on his clothes, though, so he blotted it for a second just to be safe.

When River left the restroom, Hugo was on the sofa waiting for him. “Everything go okay? It didn’t hurt, did it? Do we need to call—“

“It was fine…” River sighed. “I’m not in pain… But…” He turned away, too embarrassed to continue.

“What’s the matter?”

“I… Er… I wanted to stand up, and… I sorta missed a little.”

“Did you clean it up?”

“Yeah…”

“Then it’s fine,” Hugo shrugged.

River sat down beside him. “Should I not have stood up?”

“River, I think if you gave up a piece of your arm to do it, you earned the right—“

“That’s not the only reason I wanted to have—“

“I know…” Hugo said. “But, why shouldn’t you stand?”

“Because I made a mess, and I’m bad at it.”

“It was only your first try,” Hugo told him. “Look at it this way, I learned how to aim when I was, like, three, so I’ve had a ton of practice. You’re learning to do it now, and there’s still time to catch up. I’m sure once you’ve done it a few more times, you won’t have any more trouble.”

River hoped that was true. The next time he went, he DID remember to lift the seat up, and that made it a bit easier, but he still ended up hitting the rim for several seconds, and even dripping a bit onto the floor. He cleaned it all up, and flopped back onto the couch when he was finished. Before Hugo could ask, River said “Don’t worry, I wiped it off…”

“Missed again?”

“Yeah… Not as bad, I don’t think. The seat was up this time, anyway.”

“I see… Y’know, it’s been a LONG time, but I kinda remember my Mom putting cheerios in the toilet bowl, and I was supposed to aim for them. I think it helped…”

“Do we have any?”

“Yeah,” Hugo said. “You wanna give that a try?”

River nodded.

And after that, it only took River five more tries before his aim was close to perfect.

***

“So, I guess that was kinda how I got re-potty-trained,” River said with a blush.

Duncan snickered, “Pfft… Hugo really IS basically your Dad, huh? He even taught you how to pee!”

“Yeah, I guess so,” River said.”Actually, I…” He gazed up at the ceiling, away from Duncan. “I dunno if this is weird but, like, a few times I’ve sorta… I’ve just BARELY stopped myself from accidentally calling him ‘Dad’.”

“Awww,” Duncan said, tugging River even closer and pressing him to his body. “That’s so cute. How do you think he’d react?”

“I dunno,” River admitted. “I mean, Hugo has— Er— He HAD a real son once before, and I had a real Dad, so—“

“Ummm…” It was Duncan’s turn to look away. “I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but your ‘real’ Dad… Uh…”

“I know, he wasn’t much of a father, was he?” River said. “Hugo’s done more for me than either of my biological parents ever did. But, like, we’re still not each other’s REAL family.”

Duncan snuggled River, “I think we are a family,” he said. “The three of us. Family’s supposed to be the people you love and feel safe around, right? That’s how I feel when we’re together. When I was younger, I didn’t feel very safe at home with my parents, and you probably didn’t either.”

“I didn’t,” River agreed. “I meant what I’ve told you before, even after everything bad that’s happened to me, I always feel happy when I get up each morning, this is the first time that I’ve ever felt loved and at home.”

“Aww…” Duncan nuzzled him. “I bet if you ever DO end up calling Hugo ‘Dad’, he’ll be real happy.”

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  • 3 months later...

Hugo sat at the kitchen table drinking some water. He was waiting for River and Duncan to wake up so that he could propose another day trip for them. But, THIS morning, it was going to feel more awkward greeting them. The bedrooms in the cabin were right next to each other, Hugo had overheard River’s moans during the previous night, urgently crying out Duncan’s name, telling Duncan how ‘good’ something felt.

Hugo had been EXPECTING that to happen sooner or later. River and Duncan were both adults, and Hugo could see how much they loved each other. They had every right to explore one another’s bodies if they wanted to. Really, Hugo was surprised that it had taken so long.

River was just like a son to him, though. Duncan was starting to feel that way, too. And it was awkward for a person to overhear their son having an orgasm.

He was happy that they’d both gotten to have such a nice night, though. Surely that had relieved a little of their tension.

They certainly seemed more relaxed when they entered the kitchen, they were laughing, and getting pretty touchy-feely with one another. Duncan kept tickling River and teasing him for the little squeaks and squeals he made. “You are just too cute…” Duncan told him, giving him a kiss before sitting down at the table. River sat beside him, holding his hand and smiling.

“Well…” Hugo cleared his throat. “I see you’re both in good moods this morning.”

“Yeah,” Duncan said.

“That’s nice,” Hugo nodded. “Do you guys feel up to going out today?”

To his surprise, both of them nodded right away. He didn’t even need to tell them where, or remind them of how he’d keep them safe. They just agreed, just like that!

“Okay,” Hugo said. “I was thinking we could go to the zoo.” Even though they were in much more agreeable moods than usual, he added; “It will be outdoors, and there will be lots of people around. It might be a LITTLE loud, and I guess some of the animals might make sudden noises, but I think it will be a good spot.”

Again, they nodded. Hugo breathed a sigh of relief. He hoped they kept… Enjoying each other. Awkward as it was to HEAR it, it sure seemed to be lifting their confidence.

***

As Duncan and River got dressed, Duncan reminded his boyfriend to pee before they left. It felt pointless, because River always DID pee before leaving home, it just did little to prevent desperate ordeals since his bladder filled up so quickly.

“I know, I know,” River said as he buttoned and zipped his pants. “Don’t worry, I NEVER forget that.” He reached for the shirt he’d lain out on the bed, but was stopped when Duncan wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Heh, what are you doing?”

“You’ve been shirtless for too long,” Duncan said. “I can’t help myself anymore, I gotta touch it…”

“Pfft,” River snickered. “Didn’t you get enough of me last night?”

“Never…” Duncan smoothed his hands over River’s chest, feeling his nipples and rubbing them gently, River wriggled. “Sensitive there?” He asked.

“Just a bit…” River admitted.

Duncan continued to caress River, sucking on his ear-lobe. When he did THAT he was rewarded with a low moan. “Ohhh,” Duncan said. “You like this, huh?”

“I do,” River agreed. “But— Gotta get dressed now, remember? And you reminding me to pee over and over kind of made me need to go.”

“Awww,” Duncan said, releasing him. “Can we do more tonight?”

“Of course,” River agreed. “I…” He pulled his shirt on, then rubbed his hands against his pants nervously. “I don’t know if this is a stupid thing to say, but… I’m really thankful for last night, for how much you were checking in on me, and everything… You made me feel safe, and I’ve never felt that way when having sex before, so just… Thank you.”

Duncan went to hug River. It hurt something deep inside of him to hear River admit that he’d never felt safe while getting intimate before. Sex wasn’t supposed to be scary. He was relieved to hear River tell him again that he’d done a good job, though. Duncan was still worried about messing it up, doing something that frightened his boyfriend instead of something that made him feel good. “You’re welcome… When we do more, I want you to promise me something, okay? If anything starts feeling bad, please tell me right away. I’ll stop as soon as you tell me.”

“Okay,” River said. “I promise.”

“Good…” Duncan kissed him. “I want you to know that you’re always gonna be safe with me. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

***

River, of course, did remember to pee before leaving the cabin. Duncan nearly walked out without it, and River had to remind him, laughing. “You told me to ‘be sure and pee’ SO many times, and now you’re forgetting it yourself!”

Duncan blushed as he hurried off to empty his bladder. When he sat down on the toilet and felt the release flow out of him, he was grateful for River’s reminder— He hadn’t noticed how sharp the pressure in his bladder actually WAS until he’d allowed it to ease.

A while later, Duncan realized he would have been in a LOT of trouble if he’d neglected to pee prior to leaving. The drive to the zoo was longer than he’d expected it to be. Not that he’d had many clues about that. He had no idea where it was located— He didn’t know where much of ANYTHING was in the area in which he now lived. He’d been there for almost a full year, yet he still couldn’t say where a single thing was in relation to his cabin.

He knew that was bad. He should know the area just fine by now. He should have already explored most of it. He just… Hadn’t.

River’s small bladder detested the long ride more than Duncan did. After a while, he was forced to speak up; “Hugo? How much further? I need to use the bathroom soon…”

Hugo didn’t bother asking River if he’d peed back at the cabin or not— He KNEW he had. Poor guy just had to go so often. “We’re close,” he promised. “Probably about fifteen more minutes.”

“Okay,” River said, crossing his ankles. He could handle fifteen minutes. He was uncomfortable, and he wanted to use the toilet as SOON as they arrived, but he didn’t feel that threatening tremble that came when he was truly desperate.

By the time they arrived, River’s knee was bouncing. He hoped there was a bathroom right beside the entrance. Now that they’d reached their destination, his holding muscles were starting to flutter a little bit, anticipating relief even though River still wasn’t sure how close to it he was.

He got out of the car, cringing as his legs tingled. They’d fallen asleep in the car, and now they stung a bit. He shifted from side to side, both to work out the cramps and to quell the more insistent pangs now flaring up in his bladder.

Duncan was next to him right away, taking his hand and squeezing it. River hoped he’d be able to talk here. He was such a chatter-box at home, it was frightening to see him lose his voice when they went outside.

They went to the entrance and bought tickets, once they were through the gate River spotted a set of restrooms, but could see they were closed for cleaning at the moment. He tensed his thighs and looked away.

Hugo noticed as well. “Want to try to find another bathroom before we do anything else?”

River shook his head. It wasn’t an emergency. He could handle waiting a while longer. He was sure he’d find somewhere to go before his need got too intense. He was aware of how quickly he could fill up, but was confident that a venue frequented by families with young children would have tons of restrooms. He didn’t want to make Duncan and Hugo focus on locating a toilet for him, they’d come here to have fun and relax.

River was able to stay mostly calm for a while. This place felt safe to him, and watching the animals play was soothing. He especially liked the various species of big cats. They were so deadly, but when most of them just laid around and slept, it was hard to believe that. It looked like he could walk right up and pet them.

“I always wanted a cat,” River said to Duncan. “Mom said no pets, though. Did you ever have any?”

Duncan nodded, gripping River’s hand more firmly.

Lately, when they went out, River tried to ask Duncan more open-ended questions, things he wouldn’t be able to just nod or shake his head to, things that would prompt an actual response. So, he pressed on; “What kind?”

“My family had a dog when I was younger…” Duncan said. “She always liked my sister better, though. Since I was away most of the year at boarding school, I didn’t get to spend much time with her. She kind of just thought I was a stranger any time I came home.”

River had been aware that Duncan had a sister, but he didn’t speak about her very much. All he knew about her was that she was a lot younger than Duncan, and that even before The Organization, and Duncan’s need to make it appear as though he didn’t exist, he seldom talked to her. “Your sister didn’t go to the same school?”

Duncan shook his head. “It was my idea to switch to the boarding school. I was getting bullied too much at the one I’d been going to before…Dad gave me the choice of staying where I was or going to his old school, and I thought things would be better if I switched.” He shrugged, eyes flicking to River’s, then back to his feet. He wriggled them. “So… You’ve never had pets?”

“No,” River said. “I mean, I had a Tamagotchi for a while, if that counts. I guess I was pretty attached to it, but when I came out my Mom took everything from my room except for the mattress and the lamp. Took away the door, too. She thought that I only ended up this way because of video games and books, so if she removed all of that, then I’d go back to what she wanted.”

“I’m sorry,” Duncan said. “I guess you never got any of your stuff back?”

“Nope,” River said. “I always lost stuff. Anything I had, my Mom would take it away eventually. Or it would get stolen when I was homeless, or I’d have to pawn it eventually since food was more important. That’s why I…”

Duncan thought back to when they’d been escaping. As they’d run, River hadn’t released his wrist for a second, hadn’t even loosened his grip. It had remained strong and firm, protective. He’d always walked in front of Duncan, so he’d be the first around any corner. When they were confronted by members of The Organization who’d tried to execute them right where they stood, River had fended them off, suffering injuries but always shielding Duncan from the worst of it.

River had had so many of the things that made him happy taken away from him, he’d been willing to do anything to keep it from happening again.

And he was still so protective of Duncan, any time they were outside he held him close, he never let him out of his sight. Even when they were asleep, he clung to him, needing the constant reminder that he was there, that he hadn’t been taken, that there was one thing he’d managed to save and keep.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Duncan said softly.

“I know,” River said. “If anyone tries to take you away from me, they’re going to have a hard time doing it.”

Duncan felt some tension ease from his shoulders, and he hadn’t even noticed it was there. He realized he’d been needing some assurance as well, that he was with someone who’d always try to protect him. “Do you think Hugo can find you a new Tamagotchi somewhere?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” River said. “I guess that would be kind of nice. Like I said, what I’ve always wanted the most is a cat.” He gestured to the lions they’d been observing. “Probably not one that big, though.”

Duncan smiled. “It could guard us,” he said.

“Heh, maybe… I don’t think it would fit in the cabin, though. And… Uh…” River paused, he was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable, he delicately crossed his legs as he registered a few more severe pulses of need in his abdomen. He quickly moved his legs apart, but Duncan had noticed.

“Need to go now?” Duncan asked. He turned around, finding Hugo a few paces away from them. “Tell Hugo you have to pee.”

“He knows,” River said. “And, it’s not THAT bad. I’m sure there will be another bathroom around here soon.” He started to walk away from the lion enclosure, Duncan still clinging to his hand.

Hugo followed them. “What did you want to see next? River, do you still have to use the toilet?”

“Yeah, but I’m fine,” River promised. “I’ll go as soon as I see a place.”

“If you want to just start looking for one—“

“I’m alright,” River insisted. His bladder was rippling more and more insistently, but he still refused to be alarmed by it. This was a big place, no way were the closed restrooms the only ones here, there would be plenty of opportunities for relief if they just kept exploring.

He could feel his pee sloshing in time with each of his steps, though. That WAS a little troubling, the liquid battering up against his sphincters made for quite an urgent sensation, and he had to continually clench and unclench his thighs as he moved. He kept glancing around, searching for any sign that may direct him towards a restroom, but he couldn’t find any just yet.

River reminded himself they were still close to the entrance, and to the restrooms he hadn’t been able to use earlier. It made sense that they hadn’t found another just yet.

They entered an area filled with concessions stands, and River grew hopeful that a restroom would be near it. But, as he turned about, he failed to spot one. He did, however, see one stand selling ice drinks, a machine behind the counter was filled with liquid that was being sloshed and splashed around. The liquid filling River was moving around in the same way, and he bent forwards a little, trying to angle his hips in such a way that they put some pressure against his opening.

Duncan was looking at the drink stand too, and the sight of the fluid was making him a little uncomfortable as well. Just, not for the same reason as River. Seeing a big container filled with such a cool, refreshing looking drink reminded him that he hadn’t had much water today. His throat was tinged with a painful dryness, tongue thick and heavy. “Mmmf…”

“Duncan…?” River asked in response to his muttering groan. “Need something?”

Duncan trembled a little. He’d been able to talk to River when they were near the lions, but that was because there weren’t as many people, and the sight of sleeping cats was a calming one. Here, there were more strangers working at the stands or lined up in front of them, Duncan couldn’t remember how to work his voice…
He lifted a hand and pointed at the drink stand.

“Thirsty?” River guessed, trying not to be too disappointed that Duncan had forgotten how to speak again. He’d been doing well a few minutes ago, maybe this issue was something that was just going to switch off and on for him.

Duncan nodded. He suddenly felt like he could drink an entire lake.

“You want me to get you something to drink?” Hugo gathered. “Your favorite is Cola, right?”

More nodding.

Hugo hesitated. If Duncan was getting thirsty, that meant River probably was too… But, Hugo had spent enough time with River to know how fast any fluid he drank would begin to appear inside his bladder. They still hadn’t found a bathroom… “River… You want any fruit punch?”

“Okay,” River said. His bladder twinged at the thought of more liquid, he rubbed his free hand against his midsection in an attempt to soothe the pangs away. He WAS thirsty, and he doubted that anything he drank now would filter through him before he located a restroom. They were probably just a couple minutes away from one right now.

Hugo got them both their drinks and took them to a nearby bench to sit down. Duncan drank his soda far more eagerly, chugging down big, fizzy gulps. River slowly sipped at his own cup, every time he swallowed he felt his bladder throb, tingling with the warning that this might not be such a great idea. His throat felt soothed by the liquid, though, imploring him to finish the entire cup.

Once Duncan had drained his, he felt loads better. He smacked his lips a few times and smiled at River. “Ahh,” he said. “I was getting really thirsty.”

River smiled back, pleased to hear his voice once more. “Me too,” he agreed. He moved to stand up, the action jostling his still expanding bladder. He tensed all of his lower muscles, straining his sphincters and bobbing a couple times on his heels. He got the surge under control, but now he could feel pressure right at the base of his dick, and when he started walking again, the inner-walls of his bladder almost felt ticklish. They were trembling and spasming hard, buzzing with the force of his need.

That drink may have done him a bit more harm than good. He was sure none of it had actually HIT his bladder yet, but knowing that more liquid was on its way when it was already difficult to hold onto what he HAD was a little nerve-wracking.

They stopped to observe a monkey enclosure. The monkeys were cute, and full of energy, running all over the place. River’s desire to pee was forgotten for a moment in favor of watching them. But, before long, River realized he’d been paying a bit MORE attention to the trees the monkeys were climbing. They had thick stumps, thick enough for a person to hide behind and be completely concealed, just in case they wanted to do something private…

River tried his best to force that thought from his mind. The trees were behind bars, so he couldn’t DO anything with them. And, while he didn’t know how the monkey’s social hierarchy worked, he figured that ‘marking his territory’ in their home would be seen as offensive and possibly as a declaration of war.

Since he was now fantasizing about relieving himself in less-than-acceptable ways, that was a pretty good sign that his situation was starting to get a bit critical. His pants were beginning to feel a little too tight, and he sort of wanted to unbutton them. The fabric of his waistband was taut around his bladder, confining it and pressing it in uncomfortably. Every slight movement he made placed more pressure onto it, until he was crouching a little and trying not to let his knees wobble too much.

“Okay,” River said finally, rubbing his ankles together. Wow, he was full… And he doubted if all that fruit punch had finished flowing into his bladder yet. “I really have to go now, and I still haven’t seen any restrooms.”

Hugo glanced back at him, “Do you want to focus on finding one now?”

River shuffled his feet, his bladder thrashing tyrannical. A twitching throb forced him to cross his legs around one another. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m sorry, I thought I would have noticed one by now, but I just haven’t, and—“

“It’s alright, River,” Hugo said. “We’ll just find a map or something.”

“O—Okay,” River said.

They left the monkey enclosure and wandered around for a bit, searching for either a bathroom or a map that could direct them to one. They weren’t able to find either, though, and River was starting to get a tad frantic. The calm he’d managed to maintain so far throughout the trip was rapidly vanishing as he kept thinking back to the cup of fruit punch he’d stupidly drank when he’d believed a toilet would be EASY to find. All of that liquid was now stuffed inside his body, and he didn’t know when he’d be able to release any of it. The uncertainty made his bladder strain harder.

He palmed his crotch a few times as they walked, at last moving to unbutton his too-tight pants. He bit back a fluttery sigh as his bladder was given a little more space to expand. The relief of that only lasted a few seconds, because then he was able to clearly feel the way the bottom of his shirt rubbed against his lower abdomen, taunting the quivering muscles there.

At last, they found a restroom but, rather than relieved, River’s bladder only felt even more confined. He was not at all confident that he would be able to restrain his need through the entirety of the long line stretched out in front of him.

In his mind, he tried to convince himself that the line was actually a good thing. Empty public restrooms frightened him and he couldn’t even relax enough to use one. Therefor, since this one was so crowded, he’d feel safe and have no trouble emptying himself once his turn came.

Trouble was, he knew he wouldn’t have any trouble emptying himself BEFORE then, either. He took his spot at the end of the line, Duncan and Hugo behind him. River was a lot more self-conscious about his squirming now, if he fidgeted while waiting for a urinal, then the reason for his discomfort would be obvious. It was so hard to contain his heavy, swollen bladder WITHOUT moving around, though!

He lifted his feet from the ground, one right after the other, jogging in place. He hoped he merely looked bored, but he couldn’t even fool himself; He looked like a man in desperate need of a bathroom. His bladder was so engorged that he could barely stand it, and he couldn’t fight back the small whimpering noise that bubbled in his throat.

Duncan tightened his grip on River’s hand, hating to see him in so much distress when they’d been having such a nice time at first. He could see that River had parted the button on his pants, giving him a small peek at his boyfriend’s boxers, and the slight curve of his belly that looked a little rounder than it usually did. Poor thing, he really WAS full…

He watched as River pinned his hand to his crotch before quickly yanking it away, rapidly bouncing on his toes instead. His whole body went stiff for a moment, then returned to its anxious wriggling.

The line moved forward a few paces, but River didn’t move with it. Apparently, he was too caught up in the urgent aches firing through him to notice that he was suddenly a little closer to relief.

Hugo had to tap him to get him to walk again.

“Mmmf…” River mewled, needing to grab at his crotch again before he could take a step. His bladder was shaken roughly by just those few tiny paces, and the door to the restroom still looked SO far away. Liquid beaded up in his urethra and began to slowly trickle forth. It was a thin, sluggish stream, nowhere close to the waterfall he was trying so hard to prevent, but he couldn’t get it to stop coming out!

River shook his legs frantically as he tried his best to regain his control. He had to go so bad! He couldn’t hold it through this whole line! He was going to pee on the ground really soon! His bladder throbbed, begging him to relax himself all the way, continuing to force out its drippy little stream. He tucked the hand back between his thighs, feeling it grow soggy within seconds. His pants were dark enough to conceal any wetness, but he could feel that they were becoming soaked. “Nnnh, I’m already pissing…” he choked out softly. “I can’t hold it…”

Duncan tried to stroke his arm for comfort, but River wouldn’t stop shaking. Duncan’s chest hurt at the sight, at the idea that his partner might have an accident in public if the line didn’t speed up. When they were able to move forwards again, Duncan practically had to drag River, fighting to ignore the moan it drew from his lips, and the unmistakable hiss indicating that he’d released a substantial gush of his burden.

“Ah—!” River gasped out. That last leak had felt like a lot, he could feel warm rivulets spilling down the hand clamped around his dick. For a second, it had actually felt good to pee forcefully like that. For a second, the unbearable pressure he’d been under all day had lifted. It hurt him badly to have to pinch it off.

His heart was starting to beat wildly, he really felt like he was on the verge of an accident— Technically, he was already having one, but he didn’t want to accept it. He was in public! People were going to stare, it was going to… To attract attention, and what if a member of The Organization was here? What if he was recognized just because he’d failed to hold his bladder and had caused everyone to stop and get a good, long look at him?

He needed to hold it, he couldn’t let anything else out. He’d spilled a lot into his pants, so that meant he could restrain the rest of it. But, even as he told himself this, he knew that it wasn’t true. Now that his boxers were sodden, the wetness was a cruel tease to his bladder. Now that he knew what it felt to let go of a little, the desire to push out the rest was strong. It was almost overwhelming, and he thought that if he was in this state at home, struggling to hold back while Hugo or Duncan was in the shower, he would have just given up by now. He would have accepted his fate and allowed the puddle to form around his feet.

He couldn’t let that happen here, though. As tempting as it was to simply admit defeat, accept that his bladder was filled beyond its capacity, and just let it release, he couldn’t allow himself to give in. Even IF no one with ties to The Organization was here, there were still a lot of people. He didn’t want to be watched as he unleashed a typhoon down his legs. Especially since a lot of the people in line ahead of him were little boys with their fathers. The thought of having an accident in front of kids who hadn’t even been out of diapers for that long was mortifying.

River’s body didn’t want to listen, his bladder was cracking apart, and he was wetting himself. The slow trickle and occasional spurting gushes escalated into a real stream, hissing loudly as it soaked through the crotch of his pants and billowed out into his cupped hand. River was losing control right there in public. The backs of his eyes started to burn. ‘No, dammit,’ he thought. ‘Don’t cry. That’s the only way you could make this worse!’

Duncan heard River starting to flood himself and he went rigid, the same way he did when something scared him. He didn’t know what to do! He could see a stream leaking out of the bottom of one of River’s pant-legs, could see a tiny dark patch forming on the ground, could see River still clutching and bouncing and fighting SO hard to make it stop…

Duncan let go of River’s hand, feeling insecure and untethered without it, but when he saw River immediately cram it between his legs he knew he’d done the right thing. River crossed his legs, doubled over, and the hissing noise finally ceased.

Duncan was sure the sound hadn’t stopped because River was done, because he still looked utterly miserable with intense need. He was still bursting, the puddle at his feet seemingly hadn’t brought him any relief.

“Do you want to ask to cut?” Hugo inquired from behind them. “River… You’re…”

River shook his head frantically, and Duncan didn’t understand why. It was obvious River needed the bathroom worse than anyone ahead of him did. He didn’t think River would be ashamed to ask, River was usually pretty pushy about needing to pee. Always muttering for him or Hugo to ‘hurry up’ if they’d beaten him to the toilet.

Duncan sometimes caught himself rushing River when their roles were reversed and he was having an extreme emergency, usually brought on by a sneeze or bout of laughter. Luckily, that had only ever happened at home so far. Duncan had never had to beg a stranger to hurry up because he’d sneezed too hard in public and his bladder suddenly forgot how to stay closed. Good thing too, Duncan didn’t think he’d be able to ask a stranger for tha—

Oh…

Duh.

River was scared of strangers now, just like Duncan was. Of course he didn’t want to talk to one, of course he didn’t want Hugo to speak to one on his behalf. After everything that had happened, River didn’t trust anyone, and was frightened of what would occur if he inconvenienced a complete stranger.

River had managed to plug his faucet closed again, no longer urinating quite so copiously into his pants, but even with all he’d let out, his bladder didn’t feel that much better. It had felt like he’d been peeing for ages, the shock and humiliation of that uncontrollable gush warping his sense of time, but really it couldn’t have been happening for more than a few of seconds. Nowhere near enough time to get a decent amount out of him.

His pants were now clinging stickily to him, and it sure FELT like he’d unleashed an ocean into them, but judging by the intense, cramping aches in his bladder, it couldn’t have been that much. When he glanced down and saw the small puddle beside one of his shoes, that confirmed it. He’d wet himself, but not enough to make a dent in his still VERY full bladder. He still needed relief so badly that it hurt.

The line moved again, and River was finally actually IN the restroom, but for now, that only meant he had to listen to a whole host of noises that he could really do without hearing. Toilets and urinals flushing, streams spraying… The control he’d regained was slipping away from him quickly, and a warm droplet formed on his tip to seep into his still drying boxers.

His holding muscles seemed to be forgetting their purpose, when he tried to clench, they instead squeezed inwards around his bladder, trying to pump out the liquid trapped inside him. If it wasn’t for the vice grip he had around his dick, he would have been letting loose again. His hands were the only things restraining the flood now, and they felt clammy and pruny from how much he’d already drenched them.

The guy ahead of him finally got to go, and River bit back a moan. His turn was next, just a few more seconds. He could get most of his piss into an actual toilet if he just managed to hang on a few more seconds!

One of the stalls unlocked, and the door was left wide open and inviting. River could partially see the now vacant toilet from where he was standing, and his bladder pushed out another involuntary release at the tantalizing sight.

But, River didn’t… Stalls were uncomfortable for him now. He didn’t like how cramped they were, he didn’t like being locked inside somewhere that was tight and dark, it frightened him. It made it hard for him to pee.

Hugo nudged him again, trying to point out the stall, but River just… He didn’t think he’d be able to use it. He’d try but, even with as bad as he needed to go, he knew he’d be too scared to relax and pee. He needed a urinal, where he’d be able to stay visible, and the walls wouldn’t feel like they were closing in on him. His sphincters burned, protesting his decision to keep waiting when there was a toilet RIGHT there, but it only took a second for a urinal to open up and he rushed to it instead.

As River fought to pull down his zipper— grateful to himself for having already taken apart his buttons— Duncan realized he needed to pee as well. Not as badly as River obviously needed it, but if the lines were going to be like this ALL day, he knew better than to miss his chance now.

River heard the stall door shutting as Duncan went in. He finally freed his dick and pointed the dripping thing at the urinal. Glassy eyed, he unleashed a moan as his pelvic muscles all went slack and a heavy stream rained thunderously against the porcelain. He hadn’t even needed to tell himself to start pissing, just the sound of his zipper coming apart had instructed his bladder to begin emptying whether River gave the permission or not.

Duncan sat down in the stall and he actually DID need to tell himself to pee. However, to his dismay, his bladder didn’t follow his instructions. He felt pressure at the base of his cock, he definitely NEEDED to go, but nothing would come out. He was more focused on how awfully small and confining the stall was, and on how neither River nor Hugo would be able to see him for however long he was in here.

Uncomfortable, he stood and pulled his pants back up, his bladder twinging as he raised himself off the toilet without releasing a drop. He needed to get himself emptied, he was being inundated with sharp throbs, his body trying to warn him that it would be a terrible idea to leave this room without peeing.

Unsure, he unlocked the stall door and let it swing open, he saw there was an open urinal next to River, so he stood at that one to try again. It had been a while since he’d last stood up to pee, and he didn’t really like that he now had his back turned to everyone. That didn’t scare him nearly as badly as being concealed and locked inside a stall had, though. He knew Hugo was still in the room with him and River, so he would be watching over them.

Duncan relaxed and sighed contentedly as his earlier drink flowed down his pipes to spatter into the urinal. He hadn’t realized how uncomfortable the pressure in his bladder actually WAS until he’d managed to release it.

Beside him, he could hear River gushing away, panting heavily as he enjoyed his badly needed piss. Duncan tried to ignore that, he tried to ignore that River was right next to him with his cock out, making those breathy, pleasured noises. He tried not to peek.

Not peeking was never easy for Duncan. In his old life, before The Organization, when he’d been able to go out more often, he had to stop at urinals more frequently. If someone was right beside him, it was always so tempting to glance over. He knew he shouldn’t, he knew it made him a pervert, he knew if anyone ever CAUGHT him, he could be confronted for it. But, the urge to do it was ALWAYS there.

It was there and VERY intense now. He’d watched River pee before, he’d stared directly at his cock as he’d relieved himself several times now, and River hadn’t minded it. They were in public now, though, Duncan had to keep his eyes on his own stream. Hell, now that he’d finally gotten to play with River’s dick, he shouldn’t want to sneak a glance at it so badly anymore. Judging by how much River had enjoyed last night, Duncan was going to have plenty more opportunities to see it.

But, if anything, now that he was so much more familiar with River’s cock, he wanted to look at it even more. He just couldn’t help himself, his eyes shifted to glance at River’s member. It looked as fantastic as it always did, but Duncan also noticed the ferocious stream still erupting from its tip. It was like a faucet, strong and loud and not slowing down in the slightest, like River’s body was so desperate to be empty that it was fighting to push everything out as fast as it could. Wow, poor River had needed to GO…

When River was finally all done, Duncan watched him shake off, a couple droplets trickling down his shaft. For whatever reason, the urine-factor didn’t make the sight of River shaking his cock any less arousing, and Duncan was disappointed when River put it back away and zipped his pants. He knew that, with River finished peeing, he no longer had a reason to keep his dick out, but Duncan wished he’d waited a couple more seconds.

Duncan’s own release came to a stop then, and he zipped up to follow River to the sinks. His face felt warm as he replayed the image of River with his hand on his dick over and over. He cursed himself, looking at River had been a delightful treat, but now he felt himself getting a bit of a semi and knew he’d have to think of something else before he became hard.

They realized Hugo had gone into one of the stalls for a pee, so they waited for him before leaving the restroom. Once outside, River whispered to Duncan; “Did you like what you saw?”

Duncan flushed. “You noticed?”

“You were staring, I couldn’t NOT notice.”

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  • 1 month later...
  • 4 months later...

Written for the Omovember prompt “Peeing in Weird Places”

(Ethan also appears in No Time For A Break.)

***

The cabin didn’t have Internet access. It couldn’t, really. People could be traced through their online activity, perhaps not to a precise location, but to a general enough area that anyone looking for them would know where to search. The Organization would doubtless be able to track River and Duncan that way no matter what precautions they took.

The funny thing was, River and Duncan didn’t actually MISS the Internet that much. They’d both initially thought that they would. It was so ingrained into society and into people’s daily lives that they’d assumed no longer having access would be a difficult adjustment.

But, it wasn’t so bad. Compared to the fears and nightmares they now lived with, losing the Internet felt more like a small inconvenience.

They’d both initially been FOUND by The Organization thanks to social media. The Organization itself had ties to one of the largest online blogging platforms in the world. The relation between the world of the Internet and the Hell they’d been put through made it somewhat easier to stay disconnected.

The only real problem was their furniture business. A website was still necessary for that. Hugo was able to handle it, though. As far as anyone could tell from the webpage, Hugo ran the entire thing by himself, River and Duncan weren’t mentioned anywhere. And he only accessed it or answered emails using one of the computers at the library. That was fine, Hugo had no need to conceal himself, The Organization was unaware that he existed or that he had any connection to River and Duncan.

So, he visited the library once a week to handle anything he needed to do online. Usually, that was just things relating to work, but this week he had something else he wanted to look into, someone he wanted to contact. He was a bit disappointed in himself that it had taken him so long to think of this, since it was a really good idea— and an obvious one at that. He just hadn’t actually SEEN this guy since college and had mostly forgotten all about him.

That fact made him a little hesitant about even reaching out, but he was going to do it anyway. The worst the guy could say was ‘No’, after all.

He also wanted to take Duncan and River along with him on this trip. The library would be a nice place for them to visit, quiet and calm. If they did well, maybe Hugo could take them EVERY week— A regular outing like that would do them both a world of good.

***

As soon as they arrived at the library that evening, Hugo went straight to the computers and looked up a name. He was realizing now that this really WAS a long-shot. First, he had to be sure that his old college acquaintance had actually gone into the line of work he’d been planning to. Hugo didn’t even know if the guy had stuck with the same major or not. From the times they’d talked, he’d always sounded super certain of what he wanted to do, but people changed a LOT in college, he could have found something else he liked better.

Luckily, when he searched for ‘Ethan Willow Therapist’ along with the state he’d gone to college in, the right person popped up immediately. Good. Ethan HAD become a therapist, that meant he might be able to tell Hugo how best to help his friends.

He was worried, however. Hugo hadn’t been Ethan’s ‘best friend’ or anything. He hadn’t talked to him at all since college.

Hugo hadn’t even talked to Ethan THAT much during college. Ethan had been in his first year when Hugo was about to graduate. And since Hugo had STARTED college at a later age than most people did, there had naturally been a bit of a divide between him and the younger man. They’d just ended up sitting together at lunch some days, and they’d sometimes speak to each other.

Actually, the longest conversation they’d ever had was likely one Ethan wouldn’t WANT to remember, since it had taken place in line for the restroom, with Ethan struggling not to wet his pants. Hugo had felt bad seeing him jiggle around and occasionally palm his crotch, huffing out his breath. So, he’d tried to talk to him and offer some kind of a distraction. It had worked, Hugo learned more about Ethan, and Ethan made it to a urinal without an accident.

Hugo doubted that it would be wise to start the email out with ‘If you don’t remember me, I’m the guy who helped keep you distracted that day you nearly peed yourself waiting for the bathroom.’ Ethan might recall exactly who he was if he said that, but he probably wouldn’t want to respond.

Instead, he’d mention the times they’d had lunch together and hope that was enough to jog his memory.

Next, he had to figure out what to actually ASK him. Hugo knew he couldn’t go into full detail about River and Duncan’s ordeal. Even if the odds of The Organization somehow being able to comb through every email ever sent and use it to find them were small, there was an even slimmer chance that Ethan would believe the story. He’d think it was some weird prank, or that Hugo’s friends had actually suffered a strange, shared hallucination.

He had to keep it vague. So, when he wrote to Ethan he explained that he knew him from college and that he needed advice from someone with an understanding of psychology. He described River and Duncan as loosely as he could, referring to them as his roommates.

“They were both recently involved in a violent assault. I think it has left them both traumatized. They are frightened of going outside, often have nightmares, and get scared by loud, sudden noises. One of them sometimes seems to lose his voice when he’s stressed. I want to help them feel comfortable again, and I’ve been trying to take them out more and get them used to things, but honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m worried about accidentally overwhelming them— Which has happened before. If you could please tell me what I SHOULD be doing, that would help a lot. Thank you.”

Hugo agonized over the email, wanting to phrase everything perfectly and in a way that wouldn’t reveal too much private information about his friends. Once he was finished writing it, he immediately just erased the draft and started over. Then, he did the same thing again.

And again.

***

River found that he did feel pretty comfortable at the library. Even when Hugo went off to work on the computer and he and Duncan were left on their own, he only felt scared for a second. The so quiet, which meant that if something bad happened, River’s screaming would be noticed immediately. Plus, Duncan was right next to him, so he wasn’t completely alone.

Duncan seemed to feel safe as well. His hand wrapped itself around River’s, just like always, but he wasn’t trying to squeeze the life out of it, so he couldn’t have been THAT frightened. It wasn’t until they headed down one of the aisles that Duncan started to shake more.

River felt it too. Hugo couldn’t actually see them behind the bookcases, and that filled him with a sense of vulnerability. He knew it was silly, no reasonable person would feel threatened surrounded by rows of books, but he DID. If someone wanted to hurt him, Hugo wouldn’t notice. They could put a rag over his mouth so that he couldn’t scream, and then if they knocked him out he’d never be able to fight back.

Hugo had told them both to pick out some books, but now River thought he’d be happier if he and Duncan just stayed by his side until it was time to leave. He tried to fight against that urge. This was his first time being out of Hugo’s sight in public since the incident that had changed his life. He knew it wouldn’t be the last. If he got through it alright THIS time, then next time would be so much easier.

He and Duncan went to choose some books. They did it as quickly as they could, eager to be near Hugo again. Once they’d made their selections, they went to the chairs set up near the computers and settled in. River had chosen some mangas, and Duncan had gotten several romance novels that featured buff, shirtless cowboys on their covers.

“Is this your way of telling me I need a cowboy hat?” River asked.

Duncan smiled back at him and let out a soft laugh. River leaned forward at that, hoping that Duncan would speak, trying to urge his mouth open.

“Y—You can get one…” Duncan said. His voice was tiny and hoarse, like his throat was constricting. “Would… Would look nice.”

“Maybe I will, then,” River said. He glanced over at Hugo, whom was furiously typing on the computer. He was clearly deep in focus, and River wondered what he was working on. Hopefully whatever it was wouldn’t take too long. He was kind of sleepy all of the sudden, and the comfortable chair he was resting in made it even harder to keep his eyes open. It looked like Duncan was tired as well, the grip he still had on River’s hand was loosening up.

It was late, the library probably wouldn’t even be open that much longer. Whatever Hugo was up to would probably be finished soon.

***

At some point, River must have fallen asleep, because he suddenly found himself waking up. The cause of his rest being interrupted was the same as always; His bladder was desperately full. He squeezed his thighs together as he sat up more in the chair, trying to remember what was going on. He knew he was still in the library, but it looked different now.

It took a moment for his sleep-fogged brain to figure out what had changed; The lights had been switched off, the room now illuminated only by the soft glow of the computer Hugo was using. The computer was still working, so the power hadn’t randomly decided to cut out…

Whatever. River had to GO. A hand worked its way between his legs for a squeeze, and he bounced his legs anxiously. The ride back home wouldn’t be long, but he didn’t think he could make it. One bump in the road, and everything would pour right out.

It was so dark here, though… It must have been very late, because there was hardly even any light coming in through the windows. River didn’t even know where the toilets WERE, and he didn’t want to try to find them in the pitch blackness. Anything could be lurking in all those shadows.

Hopefully, Hugo wouldn’t mind being interrupted… River stood gingerly, sucking in a sharp breath as his trembling floodgates protested all the movement. He hopped back and forth for a few seconds, bladder stinging as he tried to calm it down. One hand still gripped around his dick, he made his way over to Hugo and tapped him on the shoulder.

Hugo jumped, as though broken out of a trance. “Huh— Wha— River?” He turned. “What’s—“

“Bathroom,” River interrupted, adjusting his hold on himself as he shifted his hips. Just saying the WORD had made his bladder lurch violently. He hoped the restroom was REALLY close by, he wasn’t even sure if he had more than ten minutes left in him before he popped.

“Oh,” Hugo said, watching him squirm. “Yeah, I’ll take y— When did it get so dark?”

River shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “I was asleep, but— Ah—“ His knees buckled under him and he crouched lower to the floor for a moment. “Def—Definitely can’t sleep anymore. Where’s the bathroom?”

“Okay, okay, just one second…” Hugo said. He turned back around to face the email he’d written. Probably the fifteenth draft, at least. It was probably as good as it was going to get, so he hit send and logged out of his account, River whimpering and begging him to hurry up. Hugo stood. “Duncan asleep too?” He gathered. “Get him up, I don’t want him waking up all by himself in the dark.”

River didn’t want that, either. Duncan would be beyond terrified. He went back to the chairs and used the hand NOT currently pressed against his cock to nudge his boyfriend awake.

Duncan opened his eyes slowly, but the bleariness evaporated almost immediately. He shot up to his feet, cringed, bobbed in place. “Where am I? What’s— I have to—“

“It’s okay…” River said, wriggling sharply against his palm. “We’re still at the library and—- Nnnnh— I need to piss so bad, so please—“

“Me too!” Duncan interrupted. He went to River’s side and clasped his free hand, swaying from side to side as he tried to search for a sign for a men’s room in the sea of darkness surrounding him. No wonder his dream had consisted of him tied to a chair next to a leaky faucet! His own ‘faucet’ was close to springing a leak!

“This way,” Hugo said, leading them through the blackened room. When they got close enough, they could make out the door they needed so much. “Do you need me to go with you?” Hugo asked.

River nodded. If the lights were off in the restroom too, he didn’t want to be by himself in there.

“Okay,” Hugo reached for the door. “Let’s—“ He turned the handle, but only managed to budge it a tiny bit before it stopped moving.

It was locked.

Hugo didn’t bother trying the women’s room instead, because now he knew exactly what was going on. With River and Duncan both fast asleep, and him so focused on his email to Ethan, none of them had been aware that the library was closing. And, the employees must not have noticed they were still there, either.

Hugo wasn’t sure what they were going to freak out over more, the fact that they couldn’t access the toilets, or the fact that they were probably now locked up in a strange place for the rest of the night.

River apparently ran out of patience. He brushed Hugo’s hand off the door and tried to open it himself. Within seconds, he was frantically jerking it back and forth, trying his hardest to force it open. “C’mon, c’mon…” he begged under his breath. “I have to pee NOW— Have to—“

“It’s locked, River…” Hugo said gently.

“But— But—“ It was too dark for Hugo to get a clear view of his face, but just from his wobbly voice he could tell River was tearing up. “I can’t hold it!”

“I know, it’s an emergency…” Hugo said. “Let’s leave— I think there’s a bottle in the car, that should hold you off until we get home?”

Duncan released a small whimper, and Hugo flinched. He was pretty sure there was a bottle in the glove-box, but only one…

And that was IF they weren’t just locked in here.

But, a couple minutes later, they made the terrible discovery that they WERE. The FRONT door wouldn’t open, either.

“Uggghh,” River moaned. “I’m such an idiot! I shouldn’t have fallen asl—“

“No, no,” Hugo said. “This is— This is on me. I was up, I should have noticed they were closing. I’m sorry.”

River writhed, coiling his legs together into a tangled knot of need. “It’s— Ah— I’m not gonna make it until morning.”

Duncan shook his head back and forth, sending his hair flying. “M—Me neither!” He admitted. He’d begun to hold onto himself as well, and now he was thinking that was rather pointless. There was no way his bladder would last until the library opened back up again. An accident was inevitable. He thought he should probably just let go of his dick, stop squirming, and let go. He’d feel better afterwards, and he knew neither River nor Hugo would make fun of him for it— River was about to do the same thing, after all!

But, he kept thinking about the massive puddle he’d make. Every bit of the floor here was carpeted, no tile, no wood, no concrete. Nothing that pee could easily be mopped off of. He’d create a huge lake on the floor, and it would stay there all night, seeping into the fabric to leave a humongous stain. The librarian would probably be really mad at him for it, and then if he ever came back here, he’d ALWAYS see the stain and remember what he’d done.

He had to keep holding it. He had to try his best to keep everything inside, even as it continued to rock up against his shaking sphincters in harsh, pounding waves.

Hugo doubted either of them would make it to morning. It didn’t seem physically possible for them to. They had several HOURS left to wait, and then they’d need to hang on until the bathroom was actually unlocked for them. They were already severely bursting. Hugo would be surprised if they even made it one more hour before they exploded.

Hugo kind of had to go, too… Seeing them wriggle, and particularly listening to River vocalize his distress, wasn’t helping. “It’s… Alright,” he said. “I’m gonna need to go before the night’s over, too, so I’ll probably—“

“Is there anywhere else to go?!” River interrupted. “Is there another bathroom that they maybe didn’t lock?!”

Hugo HADN’T actually checked the women’s room. He was aware that using it would be uncomfortable for River, but with them being the only three people in the building he hoped it wouldn’t bug him too much.

He REALLY hoped it was still open.

“I’ll check,” Hugo said. “Just wait here a minute.”

River clenched his eyes shut as he waited for Hugo to come back. His legs were sore from how tightly he was crossing them, his feet tingling and going numb thanks to the lack of circulation reaching them. He’d had to let go of Duncan’s hand so that he could grab himself more firmly. Beneath his breath, he kept chanting “Hurry, hurry, hurry, please hurry up…” he was babbling, not even aware that he was speaking until Duncan responded.

“I—It will b—be okay, River,” Duncan tried to assure. “Th—There’s got to— to be another bathroom.” There HAD to be. Duncan didn’t know what he’d DO if there wasn’t! He felt a heinous throb slam against the base of his dick, felt it careen down his length before a loud hiss of a leak spurted past his hold. Within a second, he’d managed to stem it by clutching his dick harder, but he swore he could feel liquid already OUT of his bladder and trapped inside his cock, only restrained by the barrier of his hands. He wasn’t even sure if that was how it WORKED, but with how badly his length was burning, it sure FELT like it.

River had heard Duncan’s tiny loss of control, and the splatter had prompted a trickle of his own to glide down his inner thigh. It was warm and tickled the skin of his leg, and it felt— It felt GOOD. Just that tiny dribble pumping out of the prison of his overflowing bladder felt wonderful. It hadn’t made even a DENT in the pressure, but for one blissful second he’d been PEEING and— God, he just wanted to do that forever…

If the floor weren’t carpeted he thought he WOULD. If it was made of something easy to clean, he’d just say ‘Fuck it, I can’t take it anymore’ and release his ocean down his legs. It would be uncomfortable to sit in it for the remainder of the night, but that could NEVER be more uncomfortable than what he was experiencing now.

But, the floor WAS carpeted, if he spilled on it, it would stain. He wanted to avoid that for as long as he could.

Hugo returned, “I’m sorry…” he said. “The women’s is locked too, and I can’t find any others. I’m really sor—“

“It’s fine,” River said, grunting as a wicked spasm tore through him. “N—Not your fault.”

“It is…” Hugo said. “It’s my fault we’re locked in here.”

“Mmmf, it’s—“ River bobbed up and down. He uncrossed his legs and twisted them back around the other way. For some reason, that helped. “It’s okay. Just— Ahhh, I need a fucking piss so bad…”

Duncan started to pace in place, almost jogging. His hands were still welded to his cock, and his eyes were wide with panic. He felt liquid warming his crotch, but he hadn’t felt it spilling out. He had to pee so bad that his leaks weren’t registering. “It’s— It’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”

Hugo couldn’t tell if Duncan was talking to him, River, or just himself…

Hugo’s own bladder throbbed, reminding him that THIS was usually the point where he’d usually go use the toilet. He was nowhere near as bad off as River or Duncan, but with the hours of the night stretching out in front of him, he knew he’d end up that way before long. He thought that served him right, it was his fault they were trapped, it was his fault his friends couldn’t relieve themselves.

Maybe there was something OTHER than a toilet that they could use, though. Hugo tried to think. There were decorative vases in various areas of the library, but he would prefer to find something a little less valuable to turn into a make-shift urinal. He’d save that for a last resort.

There had to be a trash can somewhere, right?

Hopefully it would be a solid, sturdy one. No mesh that liquid could seep through.

“I’m— I’m gonna find you guys something,” Hugo said. “I promise.”

Duncan stopped running in place in order to coil his legs together instead. His stomach was starting to hurt from how bad he had to go. Every inhale brought him more pain, like his skin was being stretched to cover the boulder of urine he was still barely keeping at bay. “I d—don’t want to g—get in trouble…” he whimpered to River.

River knelt onto the ground, pushing a foot to his crotch, rocking himself frantically against the badly needed pressure. “What…?”

“H—Hugo said he’s g—gonna find us somewhere to p—pee—“

“He did?” River asked. He’d been so out of it with urgency that he hadn’t heard. “Ohhh, thank fuck!”

“B—But…” Duncan trailed off. “I’ll get in trouble. If it’s not a toilet, then—“

“I—It’s an emergency,” River reminded. “A—And I’m gonna do it too…” He was if he managed not to flood himself right here, anyway. Pee kept squeezing itself through his opening. Little drizzling droplets that brought him no relief but made his crotch go damp and heavy anyway. “And— I won’t go if you don’t, that would be—“

“No! You can still go, you’re bursting!”

“So are you!”

“But— I—“ Duncan worried at his lip. He was out of his mind with need, but the idea of urinating into whatever receptacle Hugo managed to find made him anxious. He didn’t LIKE relieving himself into things that weren’t toilets. He could use trees if he was outside, but that was an exception. It was FINE to pee on plants if there wasn’t a bathroom around. He wasn’t supposed to pee into other things, especially things that didn’t even belong to him. “I don’t want to get in trouble…” he repeated.

“I—“ River winced, curled over on himself and bounced more sharply against his foot. Duncan NEEDED to let himself go into whatever Hugo brought back for them. River couldn’t bear to see him suffer like this, and he was going to hurt himself if he didn’t pee soon. River also wouldn’t feel right peeing if Duncan just kept holding it, and River— River had to fucking GO—
River hated seeing Duncan suffer just as much as Duncan hated seeing HIM suffer. “L—Like I said, I w—won’t go if you don’t.”

“You HAVE t—“

“It would be mean. If you’re going to hold it, then I’ll—“

“I’ll go!” Duncan promised. “As soon as he gets us something, I’ll go!”

Good… River relaxed a little, accidentally letting go another spurt in the process.

Hugo came back, and set a small trash can down. Duncan felt a little better at the sight of it. Gross stuff got put in trash cans all the time. He shut his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, River had somehow managed to get himself off the floor and in front of the bin already. Bouncing and huffing, he fidgeted with his button and zipper. “Gotta go…” he mumbled. “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta fucking go…”

Duncan joined him just as River managed to free himself and start gushing. “Ohhh, fuck yessss….” He sighed breathlessly.

Duncan unzipped frantically and then a second stream was jetting out into the container. Duncan melted as relief overtook him. His eyes glazed over and a delirious moan fell from his lips.

River was overwhelmed by how good this felt. The ecstasy of all that liquid erupting from his tip was making him shiver all over. He was going light, limp and loose and he felt so much fucking better. Slowly, he was able to think more clearly again, no longer needing to dedicate himself completely to the task of restraining his bursting bladder.

Duncan still felt somewhat guilty about soiling the trash can. This wasn’t where he was SUPPOSED to pee, but it was the only place he COULD pee, and NOT peeing was no longer an option. With how fast his stream had started blasting out of him, his body had been at his absolute limit. It was either the trash can or the carpet, and he figured he’d feel even WORSE if he’d gotten the carpet wet.

River finished first and tucked himself back into his pants. He was pleased that they didn’t feel TOO clammy. He hadn’t spilled that badly after all. Now that he was empty, he just had to wait for Duncan to get done, too.

He had an urge to… Well, peak… It was dark, and Duncan WAS his boyfriend, it wasn’t like he’d mind a few glances, right? River looked over, resting his eyes on Duncan’s cock, still shooting out a thick, furious stream. Poor thing had to go so bad that he was shaking as it came out…

Duncan’s dick was… It seemed different from all the ones River had seen before. He thought he’d LIKE to have it in his mouth once Duncan had finished relieving himself. River had never actually WANTED to suck anyone before, he’d always just done it because he HAD to. When he looked at Duncan, he imagined how that cock would feel in his mouth, how it would taste. He even thought that he wouldn’t mind Duncan finishing in his mouth, and he’d always HATED that before.

Duncan’s dick wasn’t actually that different in appearance from any of the others River had needed to interact with. But, it was attached to someone that mattered to him more than anything. He wanted to make Duncan feel good…
The last few spurts spattered into the trash can and Duncan heaved a heavy sigh as he grinned as River. “Did you enjoy the view?” He asked.

River blushed and turned away. “Y—You caught that?”

Duncan laughed, “Well… Yeah, you were kinda staring…”

“Even in the dark?!”

Duncan zipped up. “It’s okay, I was staring at yours, too. Glad that didn’t mess up my aim.”

River blushed harder, remembering Hugo was still there with them. “Duncan…”
Duncan turned and hugged him. “Well, I sure feel better now…” he said.

“Yeah…” River agreed. Awkwardly, he added. “Uhhh, thanks for bringing us this, Hugo…”

“No problem,” Hugo said. “Glad you both made it. Guess we’ll just leave it there in case one of us needs it again later.”

The rest of the night was far less eventful. River and Duncan went back to sleep in the chairs and Hugo joined them. When morning came, Hugo and the librarian both couldn’t stop apologizing to one another. The librarian for not seeing they were still there before locking everything up, and Hugo for what they’d needed to do with the trash can.

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