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Yeah, I remember this one. It's been ages since I read it though and I don't necessarily recognize which parts were added in your version, so good on you on that. However, I do remember thinking when reading the original that it would have been almost perfect if it wasn't for a few things; the deviation with the pregnant lady which didn't really add to the story, the overabundance of obstacles which killed off the realism and also made it drag somewhat (all the reminders of how much time had passed tended to cause frustration rather than excitement when reading along), her stripping off her skirt on the bus which again isn't very realistic, and of course the fact that she did make it in the end (would have been so hot if all the stalls were occupied). When I started reading yours and recognized it, I was rather hoping that you would have "corrected" these, in my opinion, flaws. But I'm not here to poop on anyone's party as others certainly will enjoy it, and I sincerely intend no offence. The whole concept of "restoring" old stories is rather interesting anyway so don't let my pickiness dissuade you from this endeavour.

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21 hours ago, Apan said:

Yeah, I remember this one. It's been ages since I read it though and I don't necessarily recognize which parts were added in your version, so good on you on that. However, I do remember thinking when reading the original that it would have been almost perfect if it wasn't for a few things; the deviation with the pregnant lady which didn't really add to the story, the overabundance of obstacles which killed off the realism and also made it drag somewhat (all the reminders of how much time had passed tended to cause frustration rather than excitement when reading along), her stripping off her skirt on the bus which again isn't very realistic, and of course the fact that she did make it in the end (would have been so hot if all the stalls were occupied). When I started reading yours and recognized it, I was rather hoping that you would have "corrected" these, in my opinion, flaws. But I'm not here to poop on anyone's party as others certainly will enjoy it, and I sincerely intend no offence. The whole concept of "restoring" old stories is rather interesting anyway so don't let my pickiness dissuade you from this endeavour.

Thankyou so much for this feedback Apan, you certainly don't offend me. I feel like we have VERY similar interests and. as such, your feedback and advice will always be welcome. Feel free to DM me if you have more ideas you would like to discuss.

I tend to agree with a lot of what you say, and realism is always a concern when I write desperation stories. It's always a fine line, because i like to push the desperation to the extreme, and I feel like, in doing that, I do sometimes push the boundaries of what is realistic. I never actually intend to wrote wetting either, I always prefer JUST made it, or emergency squat endings, but I have actually included a couple of wettings in some stories, because I felt I had pushed the character as far as possible, to an extent that a wetting would be inevitable. I also have a few rewrites that I have done which I will never post because they sound too far fetched. This story is one I have had saved for years and rewritten little bits here and there. I guess stretching the desperation at certain points felt reasonable, but when I did a full re-read to post on here, I did think the flow of the story (if you'll excuse the pun) felt all wrong. I decided to post it anyway, and I know some like the extended and stretched stories, but I fully take on board what you are saying.

I am also delighted that you like the idea of rewriting existing stories, because it is something I do a lot of. I have, literally, hundreds of stories saved that I revisit a lot, and so many that I have tweaked, or changed over the years. I did this primarily for my own enjoyment, but after talking to some users on here by DM, I decided that I would share some of them. That gets my re-writes out there, but also allows some younger users to rediscover some long lost,or forgotten stories. It is something I have worried about doing because I didn't know how it would be received, especially if the original writers are still around on these forums. I will always give full credit though, as you will see at the start of my reposted stories, and actually, would like it to be seen as a compliment, because the stories I save are the ones that I love. Writers like Paul Tester, Gillian, Nicola Steele, Francine, Bursting, Nigel Maltby, Harwood and modern writers like the wonderful Kayn, Pain, Flush, MGPLover, Gemmy, WiiGuy86, fullbladder and SO MANY others who I haven't namechecked - very much including yourself - inspire, and arouse, me constantly. Someone like Paul Tester is the GOAT and I could never dream of getting to that standard, so to post their stories is a tribute and certainly never a criticism on their original works. I am glad that these are being received well, and always stick to the mindset that if I enjoy them, then others will too, and while that is the case, there are many, many more to come. So yes, thanks again for the feedback, please do keep it coming!

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On 11/21/2022 at 5:29 PM, pguy69 said:

Thankyou so much for this feedback Apan, you certainly don't offend me. I feel like we have VERY similar interests and. as such, your feedback and advice will always be welcome. Feel free to DM me if you have more ideas you would like to discuss.

Good to hear no offence was taken. I almost regretted commenting as I didn't really have any positive input to inject, but you acknowledged it just the way I intended so all is well in the end.

On 11/21/2022 at 5:29 PM, pguy69 said:

I tend to agree with a lot of what you say, and realism is always a concern when I write desperation stories. It's always a fine line, because i like to push the desperation to the extreme, and I feel like, in doing that, I do sometimes push the boundaries of what is realistic. I never actually intend to wrote wetting either, I always prefer JUST made it, or emergency squat endings, but I have actually included a couple of wettings in some stories, because I felt I had pushed the character as far as possible, to an extent that a wetting would be inevitable. I also have a few rewrites that I have done which I will never post because they sound too far fetched. This story is one I have had saved for years and rewritten little bits here and there. I guess stretching the desperation at certain points felt reasonable, but when I did a full re-read to post on here, I did think the flow of the story (if you'll excuse the pun) felt all wrong. I decided to post it anyway, and I know some like the extended and stretched stories, but I fully take on board what you are saying.

It's a very fine line indeed and as a fan of realistic scenarios exclusively, for me it's easily crossed when it comes to throwing in just a tad bit too many obstacles and this one demonstrated it perfectly. All the fiddling about around the turnstiles, the loose penny exchange and all that stuff towards the end for instance, it was just too much and any potential excitement was lost in the process. I'm not even sure I would have enjoyed the story as a whole even if she had ended up having an accident, despite that being my one prerequisite for any good omo story. That's why I got ever so slightly excited once I started reading your restored take on it, hoping for some cleanup in the cluttered storyline. But I commend your decision to post it even if you yourself wasn't necessarily satisfied with it, because as you point out, someone else might enjoy it. I've posted some utter crap (in my opinion) myself for that same reason as it's not for my own sake I'm posting things here, it's for anyone who might read and enjoy it.

On 11/21/2022 at 5:29 PM, pguy69 said:

I am also delighted that you like the idea of rewriting existing stories, because it is something I do a lot of. I have, literally, hundreds of stories saved that I revisit a lot, and so many that I have tweaked, or changed over the years. I did this primarily for my own enjoyment, but after talking to some users on here by DM, I decided that I would share some of them. That gets my re-writes out there, but also allows some younger users to rediscover some long lost,or forgotten stories. It is something I have worried about doing because I didn't know how it would be received, especially if the original writers are still around on these forums. I will always give full credit though, as you will see at the start of my reposted stories, and actually, would like it to be seen as a compliment, because the stories I save are the ones that I love. Writers like Paul Tester, Gillian, Nicola Steele, Francine, Bursting, Nigel Maltby, Harwood and modern writers like the wonderful Kayn, Pain, Flush, MGPLover, Gemmy, WiiGuy86, fullbladder and SO MANY others who I haven't namechecked - very much including yourself - inspire, and arouse, me constantly. Someone like Paul Tester is the GOAT and I could never dream of getting to that standard, so to post their stories is a tribute and certainly never a criticism on their original works. I am glad that these are being received well, and always stick to the mindset that if I enjoy them, then others will too, and while that is the case, there are many, many more to come. So yes, thanks again for the feedback, please do keep it coming!

As long as the story is old enough and leaves enough room for improvement, I'm fully on board with the "restoration" idea, as with this particular story (even though it didn't turn out like I would have wanted it to). Like yourself, I've got tons of stories saved over the years among which there are several that fall into that category and I have toyed around with altering them ever so slightly just for my own amusement, but there is always that element of ruining the first-time reading experience by doing so, so ultimately it's a useless endeavour for me personally. Plus there's that aspect of altering someone else's work which I usually don't care for, if only out of respect for the original author. That's not to say I'm not looking forward to see potential future "restorations" from you (even though I know I'm hard to please, constantly craving realism and ultimate wetness).

Don't want to clutter your story thread more than necessary (I know, I know, already failed on that count), but feel free to PM if you want to throw further thoughts and ideas back and forth.

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1 hour ago, Apan said:

Don't want to clutter your story thread more than necessary (I know, I know, already failed on that count), but feel free to PM if you want to throw further thoughts and ideas back and forth.

I have done exactly that, I would LOVE to discuss this more with you, and my DMs are open to ANYONE who wants to share opinions or ideas, I love to hear them!

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  • 1 month later...
21 minutes ago, Kreed said:

Just wanna say this is so far my favorite story on the site. It even inspired my latest drawing. I adore the sheer ridiculousness of the very end and found it incredibly hot. Characters being pushed to the very edge, battling obstacle after obstacle in their (possibly futile) quest for relief is my thing. Keep it up!

Thankyou for that feedback, and I am glad it inspired you! It is always good to hear that people are enjoying my posts!

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