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This is a totally fictional story based on a TikTok I saw a few days ago, lost, and will likely never find again. Enjoy!

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“ROAD TRIP!” We all yelled, holding our hands up happily as we filmed the beginning of our trip for TikTok. This would be the first time we had gone on a road trip together since we had graduated college and gone our separate ways. Naturally, we had all come together for major life events, but the travel had always been separate. 

Now, however, we were in our thirties and you know what they say, thirty is the new twenty. Or something like that.

It was going to be a girls only trip. No husbands, no children, just us!

Just us and a three hour road trip to one of our old haunts where we would spend the week getting pampered before heading back to our normal, dreary lives. 

Honestly, our lives weren’t bad. I had become an accountant and worked for a small firm. It was a good job, I liked my boss, and it paid well. I had gotten married about a year after college to a handsome man and respectable lawyer. I had two children, Ian and Gracyn, who were the loves of my life but who were growing like weeds! I couldn’t believe they would both be in school this year!

Rachel had finished her teaching degree with honors, worked for all of a year in the profession only to realize she hated it and got a job working as a paper pusher in the governor's office. That was where she met Adam, her now husband, who was working as a lobbyist. They hit it off right away and not even a year later were flying to Cabo to elope, dragging Jessica and I along as bridesmaids. After another year or so of trying, Rachel finally got pregnant with Mica, who is honestly one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen. 

Jessica went on and got her doctorate in geology and now works for an oil company making big bucks doing god only knows what. She’s explained it to me several times, but I never understood what she was talking about. Of the three of us, she’s the only one to not get married or have any kids, but she is dating some guy she met while in Dubai. We don’t think it’s that serious, but Jessica was always a wild card.

“Oh my gosh guys!” I squealed as we piled into the car. “Can you believe we are finally doing this?!” 

“A week with no kids,” Rachel laughed, crossing her legs as she sat in the car. “No kids, no husbands…”

“No responsibilities!” Jessica said, throwing her extra large water bottle in the back seat as she climbed in. 

“Oh it’s going to be so nice!” I said as I climbed into the driver’s seat and shut the door. “I cannot wait to get a full body massage!”

“Or just sit in the hot tub!” Jessica said over the roar of the engine. “I miss that thing so much!”

“Don’t you get a hot tub in every hotel you stay at?” Rachel laughed, locking her ankles together as she did. 

Jessica rolled her eyes and looked out the window at the passing houses as we pulled out of my neighborhood. “Not that I ever get to use it! I barely even get to sleep in the hotels, let alone enjoy their amenities!” 

“Look at you using big words!” Rachel laughed again, shoving her hands into her crotch.

“Listen here, Ms. English teacher!” Jessica laughed, pointing at Rachel jokingly while taking a swig of her water. “I don’t need any of your sass.”

“Right, right,” I laughed as well, clenching my thighs together out of habit. After having two children, my bladder control wasn’t quite what it used to be and I would frequently leak just a little bit of pee.

I wasn’t the only one with this problem, however, as Rachel routinely confessed to me that she too needed to pee more often. Speaking of which…

“Ooo! Gas station!” Rachel pointed out as we neared the on-ramp to the highway. “Can we stop please! I forgot to get snacks!”

I rolled my eyes, but pulled over. At least she was going before we got onto the highway, but I wish she had gone before we left my house. I might as well top up the gas tank while we waited. It was mostly full but still, better safe than sorry. 

I had barely pulled into a stall when Rachel threw open the door and started trotting into the station, her thighs pressing subtly against one another causing her butt to look more firm and perky. Clearly, snacks wasn’t the issue. 

“Snacks?” Jessica laughed, as she took another swig from her bottle. “She should have just said she needed to pee.”

“Yeah,” I laughed, taking stock of my own bladder. I was good for now, but I’d probably need to go before we got there. Provided I didn’t have a bladder spasm, which seemed to be happening more and more frequently these days. At first I had thought I had a bladder infection, but the doctor assured me that wasn’t the case and if it got worse to go to a urologist. But that cost more money than I was willing to fork over right now, so pads it was. 

The gas finished filling the tank and Rachel came trotting back over, blushing as I pulled out my phone to document what snacks she had bought. 

“No!” She laughed, grabbing my phone away, making the video go blurry just as I turned the camera to catch all of us. “So rude! You don’t need to record me going to the bathroom!” 

“Yes I do! For posterity's sake!” I laughed, wrestling my phone away from her.

“Or for posterior’s sake!” Jessica laughed, grabbing the phone and trying to point it at Rachel’s ass. 

“Noooo!” Rachel moaned, laughing as she tried in vain to steal the phone back. “I just had to pee, ok?!”

“Fine, fine,” Jessica laughed, handing the phone back to me with a wink, letting me know she had saved the footage. “Come on, let's get back on the road!”

With a laugh, the three of us piled back into the car and started back towards the highway. Traffic was terrible, but at least the cars around us were moving so we were making good time. Or decent time at least. 

“Hey Mal,” Jessica said, tapping me on the shoulder. “Do you want a mint?” 

“Yeah, sure!” I said, flipping my hand back behind my seat with practiced ease.

“Your kids have you trained!” Jessica laughed, placing a few TicTacs in my hand before kicking her feet up on the console between the two front seats. “Does John do that too?”

“You know it!” I laughed as I turned on the radio. “I do most of the driving though, so I have the driver’s side down more than he does! He’ll still drop things from time to time.”

Jessica laughed as she took another swig from her bottle. “I bet the kids love that!” 

“Oh they do!” I responded as I flicked on the turn signal and merged into traffic. “They think it’s an absolute riot.”

Suddenly, one of the songs we used to hear all the time in college came on over the radio, beckoning us all to start singing along to it. Belting out the lyrics, both real and made up, we continued on down the highway for a few minutes before I suddenly whipped the car over to the side of the road. All of the laughing and singing had done the trick; I needed to pee. 

Now.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” I mumbled as the car slowly came to a stop on the side of the road, my hand buried in my crotch as my bladder begged for release. “Oh nooo!”

Throwing off my seatbelt, I quickly bolted from the car and into the carpet of small white flowers which lined the side of the road. Ripping off my pants, I squatted down just in time for my bladder to give up the fight and begin emptying on its own. The spattering of pee and my sigh of relief drowning out the laughter from the car. 

“Say cheese!” Rachel laughed, filming me as I pulled my pants back up. 

“Shut up!” I said back jokingly, too relieved that I had managed to not pee my pants or the seat of my car to care. “At least I didn’t totally wet myself!” 

“That was only one time!” Rachel laughed back.

“Come on, guys!” Jessica groaned from the back of the car. “We’ve got places to be! Places your small bladders apparently don’t want to go!”

“Oh they’re going!” I laughed as I climbed back in the car. “Delete that footage, please, Rach!” 

“Fat chance in hell!” she said cackling. “I sent it to you. For posterior’s sake.”

“Oooo, I’m gonna kill you!” I said as I pulled back into traffic. “I’m so going to kill you!” 

“Look, you delete yours, I’ll delete mine!” Rachel said, sticking her tongue out at me as though we were in grade school again. 

“Good thing I have a copy of both!” Jessica laughed, waving her phone around. 

“Assholes, the both of you!” I said, pulling up behind a  slow moving semi. “Dammit!”

On the side of the road was an orange sign showing road work ahead. All of the traffic was starting to merge into one lane and our speed slowed way down. The traffic cones pushed us from one lane to another, causing us to run over rumble strips and uneven road surfaces for what felt like forever. I didn’t know about how Rachel was feeling, but I was overjoyed to have peed before we entered the construction area.

Jessica, on the other hand, looked rather uncomfortable, her bottle of water laying forgotten on the floor of the car. 

“Um, guys?” She said, crossing her legs. “You know that gas station up there?” 

“You need it now too?” I laughed.

“Yeah,” She said, crossing her legs the other direction. “It’s hard to drink a gallon a day!” 

I sighed and put on my blinker, slowly making my way out of the line of cars and to the gas station, making sure to ride the rumble strips for longer than necessary. 

“Stoooop!” Jessica moaned, leaning forward desperately. “I need to pee!” 

As soon as I pulled the car up to the gas station, Jessica was out like a shot, sprinting to the toilet as though her bladder were going to give out at any second. 

“And she called us small bladdered!” I chuckled at the sight, pulling out my phone to catch her arrival back at the car.

“You gonna film her too?” Rachel laughed.

“Of course!” 

It took longer than expected for Jessica to return, but when she did, her arms were full of snacks and drinks. As soon as she saw the phone in my hand, she immediately began laughing and nearly dropped her stash. 

“You hungry?” I asked as she threw her pile of goodies into the car.

“Not really,” she said as she climbed in. “But I did some math. At this rate, it’ll take us closer to six hours to get there, and I don’t really want to be starving when we arrive.”

Rachel and I looked at each other in confusion before looking back at Jessica and her snack pile. Surely there wouldn’t be construction the whole way there and traffic was moving, so how did she figure that?

“What do you mean?” Rachel asked, spinning around in her seat to look at Jessica.

“We’ve been on the road for twenty minutes, right?” Jessica said, pulling out her phone. “In twenty minutes, we’ve gone a grand total of 6 miles.”

I frowned and shook my head. There was no way! We definitely had gone farther than… that…

I looked over my shoulder at what Jessica was looking at. There, on the hillside, plain as day, was my house. Three miles as the crow flies, but due to the winding roads, closer to six miles away.

“How…?”

“Because we all have had to pee!” Rachel howled, burying her hands in her crotch. “This is what it’s like road tripping in your thirties!”

Thirty is the new twenty, my ass!

________________

Really wish I could have found that TikTok again guys!

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