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anyone else not like hearing about desperation IRL?


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for some reason a few of the people I work with will announce that they have to pee really bad but then just...not go because we're busy. honestly it makes me super uncomfortable because I don't want to be turned on and I certainly don't want it to be obvious that I'm turned on but it's just like an automatic response by my body/brain. I've asked people not to say that to me lol but it hasn't actually stopped anyone. then I'm just trying not to be distracted and trying not to think about my coworkers in a sexual way. my ex had OAB and would often tell me about times when she barely made it or she had to pee really bad. one time she even moaned while she was peeing because she had to go so bad and I could hear her through the bathroom door. I didn't want her to know about how I feel so I just tried not to think about it. I personally like to keep this completely separate from the rest of my life but I can't stop myself from thinking that way when someone mentions being desperate

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I can understand the conflict. Although I always like hearing or knowing that others are desperate you sometimes you don't want to be excited and this was an issue on my job since I knew all of the other women on the crew needed to go to the bathroom just as badly as I did, and it was hard to stop thinking about the fact that we all had to pee. I think the fact that I was constantly in a state of desperate arousal while I was trying to ignore the desperation was what made everything especially difficult. It was exciting but that's a time when you don't really want to be excited, once again is paradoxical because the most exciting situations are the ones you would never willingly put yourself in if you could help it.

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I know the feeling. Any time a female coworker admits she needs to pee I encourage her to go immediately and assure her we'll be fine without her a few minutes if she's worried we're too busy. 

On a sidenote: I'm not going to tell you how to live your personal life, but I don't think it's healthy to keep your kinks a secret from your partner for too long. If your needs are not being met that can cause problems down the line and suppose someone finds out after years together that's what you're into they may take offense that you didn't trust them enough to confide that.   

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IRL desperation is actually a huge anxiety trigger for me- I know the situation must feel awful/humiliating for the person involved, so my brain flips into "get them to a bathroom ASAP!" mode. Plus there's a 99.9% chance that the person is someone that I'm not attracted to, and it's just really uncomfortable. It doesn't turn me on- though me being into omo probably contributes to how "wrong" it feels.

If it was someone I was more neutral about, like an attractive stranger or acquaintance, then it may turn me on. But that hasn't happened yet.

The only time I like IRL desp is when it's consensual and the "victim" has an omo kink 😛

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2 hours ago, Raziel said:

I know the feeling. Any time a female coworker admits she needs to pee I encourage her to go immediately and assure her we'll be fine without her a few minutes if she's worried we're too busy. 

yeah I do the same, I always say they should go and that we have enough time but they dont listen lol

2 hours ago, Raziel said:

On a sidenote: I'm not going to tell you how to live your personal life, but I don't think it's healthy to keep your kinks a secret from your partner for too long. If your needs are not being met that can cause problems down the line and suppose someone finds out after years together that's what you're into they may take offense that you didn't trust them enough to confide that.   

for me, this kink is a trauma thing. I guess part of why I don't necessarily like female desperation (though my brain/body certainly does) it doesn't fit with what I get out of this kink. if it's a woman, I don't want her to be in pain and don't want her to feel anything I've had to feel before, so I don't enjoy a female partner's desperation. even when I was turned on by the things my ex said and did I felt really guilty about it and didn't want to be turned on. I'm only attracted to men sexually, so I don't have that emotional connection and I can enjoy their desperation. it's just like a disconnect and I'd never be able to explore this with a partner anyway.

1 hour ago, semiaquatic said:

IRL desperation is actually a huge anxiety trigger for me- I know the situation must feel awful/humiliating for the person involved, so my brain flips into "get them to a bathroom ASAP!" mode. Plus there's a 99.9% chance that the person is someone that I'm not attracted to, and it's just really uncomfortable. It doesn't turn me on- though me being into omo probably contributes to how "wrong" it feels.

yes!! I couldn't think of how to word that. like this kink is a trauma response for me, so I always feel really bad/concerned if someone expresses desperation IRL and tell them repeatedly to go to the bathroom. my brain/body sometimes gets turned on by this but I don't enjoy it. 

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Oh yes, absolutely. I used to think it was my chivalrous side coming out, but maybe there is a degree of anxiety in there.

It's super disturbing when it comes from members of the gender that I don't find sexually attractive (this used to just be 'men' but there's a certain amount of extra freedom in the world now 🙂 ). There is a definite conflict in my head at this point between the attraction of desperation and my sexuality.

Having said that, I have no qualms about being privately turned on by an acquaintance or work colleague being desperate. Some of the best images in my wank-bank come from this sort of situation.

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3 hours ago, lfererro7 said:

for me, this kink is a trauma thing. I guess part of why I don't necessarily like female desperation (though my brain/body certainly does) it doesn't fit with what I get out of this kink. if it's a woman, I don't want her to be in pain and don't want her to feel anything I've had to feel before, so I don't enjoy a female partner's desperation. even when I was turned on by the things my ex said and did I felt really guilty about it and didn't want to be turned on. I'm only attracted to men sexually, so I don't have that emotional connection and I can enjoy their desperation. it's just like a disconnect and I'd never be able to explore this with a partner anyway.

I get that, but in a different way. I'm only sexually attracted to women, and I have a hard time enjoying any kind of adult material involving a man getting what I want from a woman. Not just out of jealously, but I also don't always like the idea that that's probably what I look like when I get what I want, and I feel dirty. I especially can't stand videos where a man is threatening or manhandling a woman to either make her hold her pee or force her to wet herself against her will. While I would never even consider that in real life, it's hard not to imagine yourself doing it when you're watching it happen and it's disgusting. 

I'm sorry to hear that something traumatic happened to cause this. I would recommend talking to a professional if you haven't already, but that's your decision to make.  

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@lfererro7

"yeah I do the same, I always say they should go and that we have enough time but they dont listen lol"

I have always felt that a woman ignores her opportunity to go to the bathroom at her own peril! You should always go when you have the chance as you don't know when you might have another chance.

"I guess part of why I don't necessarily like female desperation (though my brain/body certainly does) it doesn't fit with what I get out of this kink. if it's a woman, I don't want her to be in pain and don't want her to feel anything I've had to feel before, so I don't enjoy a female partner's desperation."

For me it's the opposite I am into female desperation and seeing other women desperate precisely because I can relate to their situation and it sometimes makes me feel a little bit cruel and sadistic.

@BB1BBB

"Oh yes, absolutely. I used to think it was my chivalrous side coming out, but maybe there is a degree of anxiety in there."

I think that when it comes to desperation men are actually more chivalrous about helping a woman find a bathroom than other women tend to be, and some men have told me it's because they don't want to get aroused by the situation. Maybe because women don't become as visibly aroused it is easier to be enjoying the desperation of other women. Or maybe women are just crueler to other women.

"It's super disturbing when it comes from members of the gender that I don't find sexually attractive (this used to just be 'men' but there's a certain amount of extra freedom in the world now 🙂 ). There is a definite conflict in my head at this point between the attraction of desperation and my sexuality."

I'm attracted exclusively to women and female desperation male desperation doesn't really do anything for me although if I hear a man has to pee I will probably be thinking he has to pee until he relieves himself. It doesn't arouse me though the way it would with a woman. But I can't really think of any instances in which I have seen a man desperate in which a woman hasn't been far more desperate.

"Having said that, I have no qualms about being privately turned on by an acquaintance or work colleague being desperate. Some of the best images in my wank-bank come from this sort of situation."

This is true one of the few benefits of my jobs was that I got to see my other female coworkers desperate but the problem was I probably had to go even more so I was more focused on my own desperation than theirs.

@The Dark Wolf

"Pretty much, especially if it's in an unfair situation.

Unless of course they want us to enjoy it and/or enjoyed it themselves."

Maybe it's because of personal experience as a means of relating but I have to admit it does make me sometimes feel evil that the unfair situations to me are the most interesting ones, and I love to see a situation where the person doesn't want to be desperate and the aggravation is driving them crazy.


That is why predictably when I found myself in that experience for two years straight in this situation that I would love to see others suffering through people were less than sympathetic while I was holding all day and they were all now working from home with the toilet 5 inches away. As someone harshly told me it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person!


So yes this fetish comes with a lot of conflicts, because once again some of the most exciting situations are the ones that you would never put yourself in but if you find yourself in them will be turned on even if you don't want to be.

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@Raziel

"I'm only sexually attracted to women, and I have a hard time enjoying any kind of adult material involving a man getting what I want from a woman. Not just out of jealously, but I also don't always like the idea that that's probably what I look like when I get what I want, and I feel dirty."

You mean you don't like to see material where a man gets to experience a woman being desperate for them or gets to watch her suffer bladder pain?


I have sort of a weird conflicting feeling about this as well. As a woman in a omorashi community that's probably about 90% straight men, the majority of whom prefer seeing women suffer bladder agony more than the other way around, it is sort of a weird feeling a lot of the time.


Like sometimes I will be reading an account of a man about how he saw this woman desperate and how great it was and where he got to go to the bathroom and how he always gets to see women desperate and all these other things, and I have to admit there is a feeling of jealousy that as a guy he gets to witness that all the time without having to experience it.


And there was this one guy use to chat with for many years who really loved female desperation and thought of all of these ways he could get women to be desperate such as locking a ladies room (which inspired my first novella) and all these other inventive things that I thought were wickedly evil ideas that were brilliant, but when he asked why I would not be able to go along with that in real life I kind of had to point out to him, female here, if you locked all the ladies rooms what what I do?!


So I sometimes feel that there is all these great female desperation experiences that guys get to witness where if I were in that situation I would have to be a participant and wouldn't be able to enjoy the free show, and sometimes that gives me a weird feeling of jealousy like I'm always on the outside looking in on these situations, or that I'm the performer rather than the observer in almost every case!

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That's exactly why I have this habit of awkwardly responding with a "mhm," whenever someone mentions their need. I just get nervous like, "What if they knew about my fetish?" It just feels wrong in a way. I never mention my need for a restroom when with groups of people. I just wait till they have to go so I can tag along without a word, meaning if I'm desperate and the others are seemingly fine, I just have to accept it and suffer in silence. It sucks to feel so embarrased about something so normal.

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Generally it doesn't bother me - but there have been some awkward situations when one of my girlfriend's friends really has to go or is recounting a desperate experience while my girlfriend and I are present. It's a bit weird because she knows about my fetish and that's exactly the type of thing that drives me crazy, even though in most cases like that I'm not enjoying it all anyway

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@The Dark Wolf

"It is still fun for me to see in fiction and stuff, and the humiliation factor when they don't make it. (I only ever want them to make it if it's real life and they would not want to wet themselves)"

Whether it's real life for fiction I always like them to make it at the end, but when it's real life the stakes are of course much higher!

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At least it makes the situations more fun for you.

The only reason wetting is even considered a risk is because they brainwash you to see pee as evil (there are even some sex sites that ban it, as if it's something like necrophilia when it shouldn't even be on par with nudity, PG-13 at the very worst but even that would be a stretch because it's not like anyone in the world doesn't pee every day, and when you wet yourself, all that really happens is your pants, shorts, underwear, etc. gets wet, but they added a major humiliation factor to make it seem a lot less harmless than it actually is). I have the fetish, I love wetting myself, and yet I'd be mortified to wet myself in front of anyone.

People who are unafraid of wetting themselves even if someone is around have it a lot easier.

I guess the "naughtiness" factor makes it more fun in fetishy ways but if you ask me it should be on par with farting in the long run.

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14 hours ago, lfererro7 said:

for some reason a few of the people I work with will announce that they have to pee really bad but then just...not go because we're busy. honestly it makes me super uncomfortable because I don't want to be turned on and I certainly don't want it to be obvious that I'm turned on but it's just like an automatic response by my body/brain. I've asked people not to say that to me lol but it hasn't actually stopped anyone. then I'm just trying not to be distracted and trying not to think about my coworkers in a sexual way. my ex had OAB and would often tell me about times when she barely made it or she had to pee really bad. one time she even moaned while she was peeing because she had to go so bad and I could hear her through the bathroom door. I didn't want her to know about how I feel so I just tried not to think about it. I personally like to keep this completely separate from the rest of my life but I can't stop myself from thinking that way when someone mentions being desperate

I think you'll get used to it when you work every day for years. I've had jobs where I even had to regularly deny customers access to the staff toilet, but I would never get pleasure from denying them.

Sometimes it's the other way around, I've had jobs where I give tours of facilities, and often people would ask to use the toilet and it'd be fine so I'd always show them where it is. 

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Yes, I'm the same and it actually happened to me today. Someone was telling me about a wedding they went to recently where the bride and groom had hired a double decker bus to take the wedding guests to the reception venue after the ceremony, it should have taken 40 minutes but due to traffic it took closer to 2 hours and a lot of the guests were absolutely desperate to pee as the bus had no toilet, and they had all been drinking for an hour beforehand at the wedding venue which also didn't have a toilet (technically it did, but nobody knew where to find it). Several people had to get off the bus and pee in bushes by the side of the road and apparently one lady was so desperate that she was forced to pee in a bottle, which got knocked over and spilt pee all over the top deck of the bus! 

Sounds like a dream situation for any omo fan but to actually hear about it was quite uncomfortable, mainly because the person telling me was a family member and my girlfriend (who knows about my omo kink) was sitting next to me at the time! 

Edited by Despguy123 (see edit history)
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2 hours ago, Despguy123 said:

Sounds like a dream situation for any omo fan but to actually hear about it was quite uncomfortable, mainly because the person telling me was a family member and my girlfriend (who knows about my omo kink) was sitting next to me at the time! 

That reminds me of a situation where an ex and I were getting a ride from her mother, who admitted she drank too much tea and had to pee. It was an awkward few minutes before we were able to stop somewhere because my ex was well aware of my kink and had held it several times for me. There was never any discussion about it afterward, but I wonder if she worried her mother was arousing me at the time.

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5 hours ago, DesperateJill said:

@Raziel

You mean you don't like to see material where a man gets to experience a woman being desperate for them or gets to watch her suffer bladder pain?


I have sort of a weird conflicting feeling about this as well. As a woman in a omorashi community that's probably about 90% straight men, the majority of whom prefer seeing women suffer bladder agony more than the other way around, it is sort of a weird feeling a lot of the time.

Pretty much, yeah. It is nice to know it's not exclusively straight men who like what I like though, so thank you for that. I guess I spent a few years early on thinking I was the only man on the planet who liked it when women need to pee, and even after discovering it was a legitimate kink 15 years ago that feeling never resolved itself, even after a brief fling with a pansexual friend who admitted she loved being made to hold it and had done it for other partners in the past. 

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I don't have a filter with this tbh. Like, it doesn't affect me if they're friends / colleagues / whatever, as if they're friends, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable 'bashing one out' (or anything sexual for that matter) over them anyway.

That doesn't mean I can't still use their stories or conversations and apply them to other people who I'd like to see wet themselves, though! That could be the security guard at the local supermarket or a police officer I've noticed recently that looked especially fit in his uniform... It'd just be a shame to waste a good bit of desperation / story / conversation which could be recycled on to someone you would be interested in seeing wet themselves.

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3 hours ago, John said:

I think you'll get used to it when you work every day for years.

these are people I've worked with for years haha. I think that's why they're so comfortable being so open about it. tbh some of them are women I find attractive so I guess part of me feels guilty for my body reacting the way it does when it's one of them that says something

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@Raziel

"Pretty much, yeah. It is nice to know it's not exclusively straight men who like what I like though, so thank you for that. I guess I spent a few years early on thinking I was the only man on the planet who liked it when women need to pee, and even after discovering it was a legitimate kink 15 years ago that feeling never resolved itself, even after a brief fling with a pansexual friend who admitted she loved being made to hold it and had done it for other partners in the past."

Liking women needing to pee is what made me realize I was a lesbian and not just asexual like I had previously assumed. I just realized that I only had unusual turn on's was the reason why.


Although it's kind of weird again being a lesbian female in a straight male dominated fetish realm. It sort of a weird thing and that even though you enjoy the same thing when you hear a guy say about how he enjoyed seeing a woman in agonizing bladder pain while not being in that pain himself it sort of gives you sort of a conflicted feeling, in that you are communicating with people who would love to see you suffering bladder agony primarily because of your sex, and it makes me sometimes feel that I am part of my own problem of women not getting relief LOL. It's like I like all the positive feedback on my stories and everything but when I am reading about my bladder agony at work and I have about like three dozen guys liking my account of that and sharing it, it's kind of weird when you think they are enjoying the fact that I am suffering a living bladder hell nightmare! Also a nightmare they will likely never have to experience themselves. So yeah it's kind of a weird feeling when you are a woman in a community like this.

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15 hours ago, lfererro7 said:

these are people I've worked with for years haha. I think that's why they're so comfortable being so open about it. tbh some of them are women I find attractive so I guess part of me feels guilty for my body reacting the way it does when it's one of them that says something

Have you tried explaining to them that it makes you uncomfortable? Maybe leave out the sexual aspect and just say you had a bad childhood experience that you're reminded of any time someone announces that they need to pee but doesn't go right away? If they've worked with you for years they should understand. 

3 hours ago, DesperateJill said:

Liking women needing to pee is what made me realize I was a lesbian and not just asexual like I had previously assumed. 
Although it's kind of weird again being a lesbian female in a straight male dominated fetish realm. It sort of a weird thing and that even though you enjoy the same thing when you hear a guy say about how he enjoyed seeing a woman in agonizing bladder pain while not being in that pain himself it sort of gives you sort of a conflicted feeling, in that you are communicating with people who would love to see you suffering bladder agony primarily because of your sex, and it makes me sometimes feel that I am part of my own problem of women not getting relief LOL. It's like I like all the positive feedback on my stories and everything but when I am reading about my bladder agony at work and I have about like three dozen guys liking my account of that and sharing it, it's kind of weird when you think they are enjoying the fact that I am suffering a living bladder hell nightmare! Also a nightmare they will likely never have to experience themselves. So yeah it's kind of a weird feeling when you are a woman in a community like this.

I can't help you there. Maybe you just need to find someone who would willingly hold it for you so you can experience what you're missing out on?

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