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Has anyone else ever had a spouse/partner/ex go around telling other people what you're into without your consent?


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As you can guess by the title this has happened to me. A few years ago, I found out my girlfriend at the time was telling her female coworkers that I liked it when women are desperate to pee. After lying about it and later admitting it, she was very sparse with the details on how that conversation even started. Luckily as far as I know this never got back to anyone I knew from outside that place and I live in a different state now, but at the time I was freaking out. I was worried about things like showing up to a party or something and everyone asking me questions about it, or them contacting me asking if she's allowed to use the restroom as a joke, or bumping into them somewhere and they all start pretending they need to pee to see my reaction, etc.

Anyone else have a similar experience?  

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30 minutes ago, Raziel said:

As you can guess by the title this has happened to me. A few years ago, I found out my girlfriend at the time was telling her female coworkers that I liked it when women are desperate to pee. After lying about it and later admitting it, she was very sparse with the details on how that conversation even started. Luckily as far as I know this never got back to anyone I knew from outside that place and I live in a different state now, but at the time I was freaking out. I was worried about things like showing up to a party or something and everyone asking me questions about it, or them contacting me asking if she's allowed to use the restroom as a joke, or bumping into them somewhere and they all start pretending they need to pee to see my reaction, etc.

Anyone else have a similar experience?  

well, no, but I don’t think I’d mind it.  You might find other interested people this way.  I know they’re out there, but it’s hard to find anyone, particularly women, who will admit it.  I’ve only had one girlfriend who was into it, and I just discovered that after I met her.

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2 hours ago, Onedude said:

well, no, but I don’t think I’d mind it.  You might find other interested people this way.  I know they’re out there, but it’s hard to find anyone, particularly women, who will admit it.  I’ve only had one girlfriend who was into it, and I just discovered that after I met her.

At the same time how would you feel if you found out women you see every day knew that was your kink, and were afraid to drink anything in front of you or ever admit they need to use the restroom because they're worried it will arouse you? 

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@Raziel

"At the same time how would you feel if you found out women you see every day knew that was your kink, and were afraid to drink anything in front of you or ever admit they need to use the restroom because they're worried it will arouse you? "

I know this question was directed at somebody else but I can say for sure in my job where I was outside all the time and we were all desperate every day it would have made things extremely awkward!

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Yep. Not knowing my ex's true nature, I confessed my "deepest, darkest kink" one night. She kind of froze and then said "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW". 

2 years later, she told EVERYONE we knew. This was after she fired me (we worked in the same company and one day she was my boss - the next day (my son's 1st birthday) she terminated my "contract". She also tried to get it entered into the separation/divorce record as a reason for dissolution of marriage.

 

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2 hours ago, tennyson said:

Yep. Not knowing my ex's true nature, I confessed my "deepest, darkest kink" one night. She kind of froze and then said "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW". 

2 years later, she told EVERYONE we knew. This was after she fired me (we worked in the same company and one day she was my boss - the next day (my son's 1st birthday) she terminated my "contract". She also tried to get it entered into the separation/divorce record as a reason for dissolution of marriage.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm assuming that your "deepest, darkest kink" is omo related or at least something that's not illegal, but I won't pry. Please don't respond to that if you're not comfortable doing so. I hope at least some of the people she told questioned her integrity since she divulged that just to hurt you. I also hope that she's not your son's mother, since you refer to him as "my son" and not "our son".  

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2 hours ago, Raziel said:

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm assuming that your "deepest, darkest kink" is omo related or at least something that's not illegal, but I won't pry. Please don't respond to that if you're not comfortable doing so. I hope at least some of the people she told questioned her integrity since she divulged that just to hurt you. I also hope that she's not your son's mother, since you refer to him as "my son" and not "our son".  

OK, I get it. I don’t have any real hesitation about anyone knowing I like this kind f thing, but yes, I can see where it might be a problem.

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As I am 'only' into holding it and desperation especially on vacation I don't keep it a secret what I am into. So over time the news spread from friends to traveling partners and rumors told I would 'never' pee. And of course it were not just 'friends' who got this information. Once the four of us stayed overnight in a backcountry cabin and in the middle of the night when I woke up by chance, one of my comrades suggested it was from my overfilled bladder, as he had been told I would always go to bed full. Basically, he was right but I explained to him that I would at least hold it until noon. Back then I really managed to hold it intentionally for a full day and max out my capacity until real desperation hit me every afternoon.

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18 hours ago, tennyson said:

Yep. Not knowing my ex's true nature, I confessed my "deepest, darkest kink" one night. She kind of froze and then said "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW". 

2 years later, she told EVERYONE we knew. This was after she fired me (we worked in the same company and one day she was my boss - the next day (my son's 1st birthday) she terminated my "contract". She also tried to get it entered into the separation/divorce record as a reason for dissolution of marriage.

 

That sounds more than awful, and I'm sorry that happened to you. It's kind of insane how sweet and cool someone can seem at first, then how they turn on a dime, instead of...trying at all to understand someone who sees things differently then they do. There's not many kinks out there that should get a reaction like this, it's good though you're on a forum like this, a story like that would've hurt a lot of people.

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I know my wife has told several of her female friends and that's ok for me. Actually my wife's best friend at a party told me it was ok for her I peed myself in her absence so I did later that evening. But ofcourse there are some people i don't like to know about it. But on the other part, the more people who hear about the more accepted I think it will become. I mean most of my freinds speak free about anal, SM and so on. If anyone will confront me I will just say thats who I am. 

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An ex-gf of mine, my first real serious adult relationship, told several of her close friends.

Coming out to her in the first place was difficult for me, and she swore to me to keep it between us.  So telling all of her friends felt like a betrayal.  She also shared intimate photographs/videos that we had made, just for us, with them as well.  Ultimately, her friends were really accepting, some even wanted to give it a try, but overall it did bother me that anything that I thought would be private, between us, would get shared with her friends.

Ultimately this, plus several other incidents, demonstrated that she had no concern for my thoughts or feelings.  My value to her was only in what I could provide for her financially, and elevating her status socially and among her friend group.

I think it is a huge sign of trust when one chooses to share intimate details about themselves, such as their kinks.  To take that information and share it with others, without consent, is incredibly disrespectful.  For me, this is right up there with sharing nude photos of someone or secretly recording them in intimate situations without consent.

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One time this actually worked out to my benefit. Years ago, my wife (then girlfriend)   At the time, I openly discussed my fetish to her, and she really wasn't into it. It made us both feel weird about it...

Lucky for me, she became chatty friends with a very openly gay man at work. One day he expressed all of the details and pleasures  of another man he was dating, including wetting & golden showers. In coincidence, she told him about me. He then began busting her ovaries about it and rooting for her to try it with me. It definitely made her and I feel a little less weird from there. 

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Yep! I had this happen to me and it's really horrible. I had one gf who is now an ex who actually told everybody and it really messed up my relationships with many people. If a partner is not a fan of it they should just move on, don't ruin people's lives. Sure you can act disgusted with me, but that's it, don't go telling people. It really shows the importance of finding a partner with a good personality who gets along with you - I wouldn't mind too much if a partner didn't like the same fetish I do, but if they overreacted and told people etc then that's a horrible person. I've met so many women who would happily do the nastiest things, but them peeing would be a line too far. Of course we all have to have limits and I'm respectful, but just say a simple no, don't go telling people lol and don't act like I'm the worst villain ever.

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21 minutes ago, John said:

Yep! I had this happen to me and it's really horrible. I had one gf who is now an ex who actually told everybody and it really messed up my relationships with many people. If a partner is not a fan of it they should just move on, don't ruin people's lives.

It always amazes me how judgemental people are, even the ones you know well, or think so. Like... if one of my friends would mention to me in one of our talks something like "by the way, do you know that John/Mary/Susan/Bill has a bla-bla fetish?" I would be more concerned not about said person's fetish, but that our common friend tells me about it. Seriously, I don't care if Bill wanks on Marge Simpson or gets off on latex suits, but why the heck are you telling me about it? It's non of my business and non of your business. I would honestly more likely taper off my relationship with someone who spreads such nasty rumors than someone who has a weird fetish.

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8 hours ago, TVGuy said:

An ex-gf of mine, my first real serious adult relationship, told several of her close friends.

Coming out to her in the first place was difficult for me, and she swore to me to keep it between us.  So telling all of her friends felt like a betrayal.  She also shared intimate photographs/videos that we had made, just for us, with them as well.  Ultimately, her friends were really accepting, some even wanted to give it a try, but overall it did bother me that anything that I thought would be private, between us, would get shared with her friends.

Ultimately this, plus several other incidents, demonstrated that she had no concern for my thoughts or feelings.  My value to her was only in what I could provide for her financially, and elevating her status socially and among her friend group.

I think it is a huge sign of trust when one chooses to share intimate details about themselves, such as their kinks.  To take that information and share it with others, without consent, is incredibly disrespectful.  For me, this is right up there with sharing nude photos of someone or secretly recording them in intimate situations without consent.

I did end up telling two mutual friends myself after that because I would rather they hear it from me than her eventually(and I knew I'd explain it the correct way). One said it wasn't that weird since she is well versed in BDSM so bathroom control wasn't a huge jump The other even admitted she held it and wet herself for an ex before and enjoyed it. We never got around to doing anything together but maybe some day. They also both agreed that it's an integrity issue on my ex's part for sharing intimate details about me like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know your pain. 

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Yep, my first and only girlfriend did this. We were in our junior year of high school, when I told her, and she wound up telling the entire band class (who eventually told other people).

Also leaked my nudes around.

I used it as an opportunity to be proud of who I am, it sucks that my privacy was violated, but I'm not ashamed for being into what I'm into. It's what makes me who I am.

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Guest Zaphor101

I’m way to open with people so this has happened with several secrets of mine that I’ve shared with “friends”. Most notably though was when my whole senior class learned about a fetish of my because my ex was trash talking me. The rest of the school year sucked, not that people confronted me but just knowing they knew made it uncomfortable. Plus I’d heard that I  was the butt of a few jokes because of it. Honestly it could’ve been way worse but it honestly sucks, and fortunately I’ve been able to move.

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