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It's clear as day that your dad's behaviour is simply unforgivable and I'm sure you acknowledge that yourself as well, despite feeling otherwise. Yelling at their kids in public and creating a scene and on top of that abandoning them at the site, I can't even fathom what goes through someone's head who's calling themselves a parent and decides that's the way to treat their offspring. Or anyone, for that matter.

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Wow ! I am so sorry you went through all that. Your father is cruel and abusive. There is no excuse for his behavior. All this is NOT  your fault that he acted that way or that your mom ( I assume) threw him out. You don't need or deserve that treatment in your life. You are fortunate you have a loving mother helping you through this. 

 Have you discussed your bladder problem with a doctor ? There is likely a medical reason for your incontinence.  There are a wide range of treatments for your condition. There are medications, pelvic floor exercises such as kegels , and even some surgical procedures  to help strengthen your bladder and sphincter. You should not have to suffer like this.

And yes emotional distress, especially fear will cause your bladder to spasm and possibly leak, making a difficult situation worse.

 I hope you find a solution to your problems.

I used to work in a grocery store overnight. I remember a man coming into the store late at night with his son about 10-12 years old. He forced him to bring a package of diapers to the cash register to pay for them.  The poor kid was so humiliated. I felt bad for him. 

Oh , and your English is fine. If you wrote it in your native tongue , I know I and many others here could not read it.

I wish you the best of luck.   

Edited by wettingman
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9 hours ago, wettingman said:

Have you discussed your bladder problem with a doctor ? There is likely a medical reason for your incontinence.  There are a wide range of treatments for your condition. There are medications, pelvic floor exercises such as kegels , and even some surgical procedures  to help strengthen your bladder and sphincter. You should not have to suffer like this.

Yes. When I was younger the doctor attitude was “it’s fine she’ll grow out of it” but when I got older and continued to have accidents they started to take it serious. I’ve had scans, tests, I’ve been probed and they have said since I was a teenager that I have some problems with my bladder. 
 

But that is only part of it. They say that the biggest contributor to my accidents is some kind of mental problem. They think that for some reason my brain and bladder do not communicate well. They have done tests to see if my inner tubes (I’m sorry I don’t know the correct word in English) were blocked in some way as that would explain why I don’t get much or any warning when my bladder is full. They couldn’t find anything so now they think it is some kind of physical problem with my bladder and some kind of mental problem that causes my accidents. 
 

Some years ago a nurse recommended me some exercises and I tried them for several months and they did make positive difference. I’m very scared about the idea of surgery but thankfully surgery has not been talked of yet. 
 

I also speak to a therapist every couple of weeks and she helps me very much. I’ve had many less night terrors since I started talking with her and because the night terrors are far fewer my bed wetting has decreased. At least in seriousness, I still pee in my sleep sometimes but I don’t overflow my overnight diaper as often. 
 

Thank you very much for your reply! 

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Yes, do talk about it all you need to.  I'm sure you'll find a lot of sympathetic ears here.  And people have quite a few different reasons for being here, it's not a monoculture even if it is mostly about a sexual fetish.

It's probably best to view your Dad's anger as his problem, maybe it brought back some sort of unpleasant memory from his own childhood, he sounds like he was blocking something.  There's no way it's normal for a parent to respond with anger to their child's medical problems - it's certainly not going to make the problem go away.  I wonder if your night terrors etc. might partly be a consequence of childhood psychological abuse, even if you did not recognise it as such at the time.

Understand that the bladder has autonomous control, and in absence of communication with the brain will continue to operate on its own.  So if there is some weakness in the nervous system and the signals are not always getting back to the brain, then it will go its own way.  I'm an older guy, and at my age the system gets a bit hit and miss, so the 'no warning' situation is not that uncommon for me.  As someone else described, it's "No problem ... You need to pee right now! ... never mind, you're peeing already". But if asked "Do you suffer from incontinence" I'd be inclined to reply "No, I rather enjoy it".

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Also adding to what the previous posters have already said: So sorry that you had to suffer through this horrible experience. The behavior of your father can‘t be justified by any means! Absolutely not your fault and I see no reason that you should feel embarrassed about it.

And while it is true that most on here actually enjoy wetting, it is mostly due to the fact that it is a deliberate decision to do so. So you‘ll find a lot of understanding that your situation is different.

Please continue to share your experiences if it helps you. Really hope your control over your bladder continues to improve over time.

Edited by HereToStay (see edit history)
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I feel so sad for you. I think a lot of people who enjoy wetting have a similar problem, and the enjoyment comes from the fact that some people deal with it by making the best of it. I know that personally my family used to make fun of me and make a big deal of my problem. It was during those times when I was younger that I'd cope by imagining an attractive person having the same issue and being able to empathize with me. I was a maladaptive daydreamer at that age, so it was natural for me to think like that. I had a difficult childhood as well. I had a lot of mental issues and received little to no empathy for them, despite my sibling getting much more understanding from my parents of things like that.

The biggest reason I enjoy wetting is that it helps me deal with the pressure of having to be perfect. I imagine someone kind would see it and not criticize me, but rather comfort me and take care of me, telling me that everything is ok.

I've had a very traumatic wetting incident before as well, but this sounds so much worse. I'm really sorry you ever had to go through this. You don't deserve that, and you did nothing wrong.

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I do not think that it is important at all, if you wet yourself or not.  It is like special  color of hair or strong glasses or maybe bleeding nose issue. It may be unpleasant but not big issue. And of course it can go away in time.

Some people may not like it, some may like it, but  most do not care.  Of course there can be some nasty people, which can misuse the fact to harm you.  But look at it that it is more their problem then yours. Your dad must have some psychological problem, that he is acting like that.  Or is he just strange kind of personality and does not know what really matters?

Looking at it this way may help you.

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@leakyturtle welcome to the site, and I also hope you will find some good benefit from hanging out here. 
 

You mention that the majority of people are likely here because they enjoy wetting themselves, or experiencing other people do so. This is indeed likely the truth, but there are bound to be others who are just curious. Quite likely others who have experienced similar inexcusable experiences. Maybe your sharing of these words will help others affected…


What I like about this place is that there just generally feels like a more mature user. Not necessarily by age, more in behaviour. Some of the others sites appear a little bit more purely sex-focused. Yes, there is plenty of kinky talk here, but also a vast amount of posts and topics clearly written without one hand down their pants.. 

 

I see you have already received some stellar advice from great community members above. I’ll echo the fact that you and your actions were not the reason he acted that way. He was the reason he acted that way. He needed help. It appears he just decided to take it (all?) out on you.. so sad to read. 
 

I am hopeful you can get a bit more control of the wettings, so you can spend your time and energy focusing on the good things! Until then, there are plenty of wonderful products that can help you manage it. You’ll find many of the best advisors here, with epic experience…

 

All the very best. 
andrew

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It is NOT your fault, dont let that weigh on your shoulders. You have bladder control issues which is SUPER common. Don't be ashamed of that. Alot of people on this site understand what thats like, you are not alone!! I am honestly so proud of you for sharing that story, as i know that was a deep and hard thing to get off your mind. Thank you. A problem shared, is a problem halfed as i always say! If you ever wanna talk, or get things off your chest i'm more than happy to lend an ear or two!. Hope your doing ok! ❤️

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13 minutes ago, leakyturtle said:

I want to thank you all again! You have all made me feel so welcome and I am thankful for all of the supportive comments! 
I am feeling much more comfortable to write more and open up more and that Is because of all the support I feel. 
Thank you all

You're welcome!

That's the point of this community, making others feel more comfortable. Well, maybe every other place but their bladder.

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57 minutes ago, leakyturtle said:

I want to thank you all again! You have all made me feel so welcome and I am thankful for all of the supportive comments! 
I am feeling much more comfortable to write more and open up more and that Is because of all the support I feel. 
Thank you all

I don’t want to sound like everyone else but we are actually a very welcoming bunch here! I should know, I’ve been here 10 years! 
Should you decide you do want to share more, I’ll look forward to reading it. 

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With all due respect, I must say that your father was stupid. You just can't blame a child when they need to go to the bathroom in public, it's not an easy thing to say, be it fear or whatever.

 

I say this without the intention of offending anyone, and you can't blame yourself either, adults sometimes don't understand when children act with fears and insecurities in life. but that's when you see how much maturity an adult has when they simply act like a child when they get angry at a human bodily action.

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4 hours ago, leakyturtle said:

I want to thank you all again! You have all made me feel so welcome and I am thankful for all of the supportive comments! 
I am feeling much more comfortable to write more and open up more and that Is because of all the support I feel. 
Thank you all

I'm really happy you can feel better about it! Speaking from experience, it can feel really isolating to deal with medical problems involving stuff like this.

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Guest TemporaryRetur

I am an old user here that had left for personal reasons but randomly felt like lurking through here once more, and I am so glad I did. I already deleted my old account, DesperateDiapy, as I never thought I'd have much of a reason to post again, but oh do I have a huge reason now.

 

First of all, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm glad to hear you are in therapy. I'm also glad to hear that you are trying to talk about things. As someone that has repressed quite a lot of my own trauma from things in my past, something I've learned is that the memories may be locked away, but the emotions will always be there. By that, I mean I'll notice that it affects me in life in other aspects where I'll see or experience something related to a surpressed memory, and I'll begin to react to what I am seeing or experiencing in the present almost as though I were recalling that memory. Over time, I've had realizations where I've realized something was off and think "why am I responding this way?" "What is this feeling that I am getting?" "Why do I feel like something is missing?" "Why do I feel like an emotion is tied to a memory but find that memory?" While I haven't yet been to a therapist as I've suppressed so much that I need things to jog my memory before I can even speak about them to get help. Recently, I've begun writing things down once they do run through my mind so I can later go over it with a therapist.

Something I've noticed since I've been doing this is that there are things I just lived with and just "went along with" for lack of better words. There was a period of time where I'd lock myself in my room and barricaded the door with kitchen knives sitting next to me as my mom banged on the door while I waited for my dad to answer his phone at work so I could get him to call her and/or come home to get her away from me, sadly barring the brunt in my place so I wouldn't have to. At the time though, I didn't think any of that was anything remotely serious. I would just think it wasn't anything more than I couldn't handle. It's obvious to me now that if I had knives ready and actively barricaded the door so she couldn't get in after breaking the frame once that things were quite bad.

So while you may not feel like it was abusive, or while it might not have felt that way at the time, it definitely was. I was taken out of the house and into child protective services for six months before being returned home. I kept wanting to be returned home. Even with the abuse I suffered at home (and no it isn't really easy to say that and admit to myself that that is what it was, even now it is hard), I still wanted to be there because I never really saw it as something I couldn't handle. Never really saw it as anything that was major. Not to mention I did have more freedom at home, so that was a big part of wanting to return too, but it was always still seen in my mind as just every day life. I didn't realize how bad things were until I moved out at 18 (dad also moved out, filed for divorce, and is now divorced and I'm in my mid 20s) and my mom still continued to do stuff whenever I came to visit her. I noticed things I tolerated on a daily basis I could barely handle 30 minutes of. It truly put into perspective how bad it was once I no longer had it in my daily life and things were going better.

My point in all that is, until you truly see life without the abuse, you see and hear how nice average people had it, you don't always know that what you went through was actually a lot worse than you realized. Even then, it takes time and healing for things to click. Maybe it might never feel that way for you, and that is okay. It isn't always easy to admit to yourself that it is, as it may not feel that way to begin with, but it is. Do realize that none of that was your fault. The way your father reacted was not okay. It honestly sort of reminds me of how my mom would react sometimes to accidents (not wettings, just like (and I know this literally sounds like the old saying) me accidentally spilling milk when sitting it down on a table) and how she'd blow up on things. I'm not saying she left me at a supermarket before, which I'm so sorry that happened to you and is absolutely terrible and something that needs to be addressed on it's own, but just that she'd react far worse than she should have and would also "snap" and do stuff parents, or anyone for that matter, should never do. Anyways, I might've strayed a bit there, but I still feel that that part is somewhat relevant, so I just reiterate this, please know the way your dad reacted is not at all your fault. The anger he had was not at all, as you put it, something you made. You are not at all to blame for him leaving and you barely seeing him. You are supposed to want the best for your child. You are supposed to love them no matter what. You are supposed to help them be the best they can be. No parent should ever be reacting the way your dad did to you with your bladder issues. It's not something you can control, and is a medical condition. The way your mom reacted, by being kind and helping comforting you is how parents should always be. Parents should always be there to support, comfort, and help their child to overcome any issues they have while helping them to grow both physically and as a person. Tearing someone down, berading and degrading, yelling at, and publically shaming are not things anyone should be doing, especially a parent. While it isn't physical abuse, it is still abuse. There is a reason psychological abuse, also known as mental abuse, and verbal abuse have names. In the end, it is still abuse, and one that no one should ever have to deal with. The anger your father had towards you was not a way someone should react. Sure people experience emotions, and sure frustration is a possible emotion towards the situation. But that's the thing, he should not be mad at you, he should be mad at the situation. If he got mad at you, that's on him. Nobody should ever take their frustrations and anger over a situation and put it on someone else. So while you are the one that peed, it isn't your fault that you did so. It's not like you chose to do so. It's one thing to get mad at a person for chosing to cause a situation, but chosing to do so when it wasn't their fault is unacceptable. It's a medical condition, one you can't control. It's like a kid losing a tennis game because they had a seizure and couldn't hit the ball and their parent saying they are "a broke excuse for a girl". Not like they chose to have a seizure. Both are medical conditions, both need the parents help in comforting the child, being kind to them, and aiding them in getting the proper medical help they need to in order to treat/live with the issues at hand.

 

Now in regards to talking about your bladder issues:

While bladder issues are not always talked about as people feel embarrassed or ashamed of it, but they really shouldn't. It happens to far more people than people realize and is not something you can really control, so why be ashamed of it? I know it isn't that easy to feel better about it, but it really does suck that people and society seem to react so negatively towards it when it isn't something people have control over. Part of what I love about this place is that people are able to speak freely about their experiences and know that people will react positively and/or empathically (sympathetically? It's late and I'm getting them mixed up, haha) towards it. Infact, a lot of people here grew up with, still have, or recently developed bladder issues. I'm sure there are some even writing about it in the comments here (sorry, haven't read them yet). It's very much a more common thing, and not something to be ashamed of. I do hope being here helps you to find others that share your experiences with bladder issues so you can know you are not alone. I also hope you get to talk to them, share experiences, and overall are able to get help in dealing with everything surrounding your bladder issues in doing so. I know it has helped me a lot in the past in talking to others who share similar experiences, as it makes it so much easier to talk to, draw up repressed or even forgotten memories, and to feel like they understand, relate, and truly care about what you are saying and talking about.

While I am no longer a user here, otherwise I would invite you to dm me if you ever needed to talk about anything regarding your father, siblings, bladder issues, or even just to have a talk when you are feeling down or even bored, and rather not associate my social media names with omorashi, I do wish you the best of luck in getting help you need with your bladder issues and your experiences with your father. It isn't easy to reach out for help, to talk about what happened in order to get help with it, and so on, so good for you on for taking steps to do so. You are strong for doing so.

 

Edit: First, I forgot to say, your English was great and very understandable. Heck, better than my own and other native speakers at times, haha.

Also, I'm glad to see others have addressed things I either totally failed to mention or forgot to get around to, so I won't add them in as this is already long enough, haha. Anyways, you are in good hands here on this site.

Edited by TemporaryRetur
Clarification and forgot to complement OP's English skilld as a non-native English speaker. (see edit history)
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  • 7 months later...

(sorry for the English but I am not a native speaker and
I am dyslexic so it is very difficult for me to speak and write it)

I've never had your problem and that's why I can't understand you fully but I had an abuasnte parent, my mother, for her every opportunity served to tell me how wrong I was that maybe I shouldn't have been born how I ruined his life these are scars that will never go away but with the years and therapy you learn to convict us. i've suffered from depression since i was thirteen i don't think i've lived a dream life but every day i try my best to be well so you do too, if not for yourself for the people who love you thinking about them in the most difficult times literally saved my life 

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