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To tell or not to tell - that is the question


Guest Masseur5

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Guest Masseur5

I’m aware that the question of whether or not to let a partner know about your interest and experiences around omo-related things comes up on here fairly frequently. Anyway, I thought I’d say a bit about where I am with this at the moment.

Some years ago, when my long term partner and I were talking together  about our sexual fantasies, I told her about how turned on I get by the kinds of things that brought me to this site. She was ok with it - more mildly  amused (though not in a putdown kind of way) than anything else - but she isn’t at all  into this herself and it’s continued to be a mainly ’solitary’  part of my life. I say mainly because I have met a couple of women  in the past who really enjoy this stuff and we’ve had a bit of ‘fun’ together; but I feel uncomfortable about  keeping those meetings a secret from her and I’m pretty sure she’d be very upset if she found out about them. She’s so good in other respects and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt her  - yet those ‘urges’ are persistent. As I expect most, if not all, of you know from your own experience!

I certainly don’t want our relationship to end and I’m not looking for another partner. But I would love to be able to meet another woman occasionally on a mutually agreed basis that this was just a bit of fun with no expectation on either side of any kind of a long term commitment. Maybe that’s every man’s dream - I don’t know about women - and in reality it’s no doubt too much to expect. And I’m very thankful for so much else in my life so it seems very self indulgent  even to be thinking about such things. But there it is.

 It’s a shame that it couldn’t be a bit like doing something else - like going for a run in  the company of others or sailing a small dinghy if she wasn’t into it too but it would be fine by her if I joined a club to race in it once or twice a week. Which indeed I did do for a number of years (as a bonus, that - and windsurfing  and indeed running - gave me opportunities for a few ‘incidents’, but I’ll not go into them now).

 As things are, I guess I’ll need to continue doing this stuff on my own - though it’s good to be able to speak about it here and to know I’m in the company, even if can only be virtual, of folk who  may be able to understand and who won’t judge me for this. Well, I hope you won’t anyway!

Are others of you facing this dilemma? If so,  I’d be very interested in hearing how you deal with it.

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i wholeheartedly second everything @Mbgpeelover said, @Masseur5!

Having read your post, let me assure you: your desires are super normal. Especially for men. Q: What do most people want? A: To be happy. That includes sexually! Part of the problem (at least in western societies) is the idea that your spouse must be your everything. In every way. Forever. It's unrealistic to expect that of anyone; after all, i certainly couldn't be that for someone else. 

This is a generalization. But in Japan, spouses are often treated much more like a family member (i.e. a sister or brother) than a lover that you can't wait to ravish. So it's no surprise that a lot of married Japanese men say they wish they had a girlfriend (despite being happily married). There's something missing in their marriage, and they recognize that. But it doesn't mean the marriage is necessarily bad. 

i think this mindset can be healthy. Is it really so bad to have different people in different areas of your life, for different reasons, in order to be fulfilled? My dad hates jazz for some reason (he's never explained why), whereas i love it. So i don't go to him to discuss jazz. 😅 There are other jazz lovers for that. See what i mean?? Is it really so bad to genuinely love your spouse in one way, and have no desire to split with them ... but seek the arms of another, to fulfill needs that your partner can't or won't? 

i'd encourage you to talk again with your partner. You opened up to her once "some years ago". That doesn't mean that she understands how important this was to you, and still is. Just having her know how much it's been weighing on your mind could really help. 💗 If nothing else, it'll get you two talking and bring you closer. 

Do your best ~

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There's a part of me that says be open and honest with how you're feeling because honesty is key and you have to be happy. There's also a part of me saying keep it in and express that part here because you could open a Pandora's Box that you can't close once you open it. I really feel conflicted in what advice to give you, but I would say if you know they might take what you have to say well and it won't lead to that person walking out or doubting your faithfulness, go for it.

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TELL!

You might be surprised by the answer because sometimes they're very willing to try it and they'll actually like it.

I find it's good to tell them about omo "somewhat early on" (not a first date of course lol) because then you can figure out if it works or not. It's like ripping a bandaid off quickly.

I've been in old relationships where we didn't like each other much and my old gf's wouldn't like omo at all and we didn't click. Of course omo wasn't the sole reason, but it was a factor in us not getting along and many factors combined led to us being an unhappy couple. 

Then I found someone who was very into omo early on and I couldn't be happier. I see a lot of couples who are content creators who do omo and man do they look happy too. 

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Guest Masseur5
On 5/18/2022 at 2:01 PM, Mbgpeelover said:

In an ideal world we would all have partners that met our every need and had the same passions, desires and fantasies but in reality this seldom happens. That often leads to us having to compromise in one area or another. Love is such a wonderful thing and the fact you clearly love your partner and don’t want to hurt them or be unfaithful is a testimony to your love and concern. 
However, honestly is vital in any relationship and by being open about your struggles with this it may open things up for her (or him if it’s the other way around) to share any areas they perhaps feel unfulfilled. I wish I could say that that will always end supportively and caring but I know from experience that it doesn’t.

 

i lives in a very sexless marriage for years after admitting my like of omo as he found it disgusting and refused to partake in it leaving me so unfulfilled and lonely. I then felt ashamed to be me and it was only joining this site, making videos and writing omo that released me from that guilt and shame. I feel part of a community here and feel I can truly be myself and be accepted though of course I miss that physical intimacy and wish I had a partner who enjoyed being desperate and seeing me desperate. 
 

For what it’s worth I feel everyone fantasises about thing in their mind all the time and sees or hears things that makes them go off ‘on a tangent’ and if we could truly see everyone’s minds all the time we would be utterly shocked. Even famous people, professionals and royalty have got in to trouble for things which while maybe not omo related are not very wholesome. None of us are perfect snd our bodies are made for stimuli be that in food, sensory or sexual. We honestly can’t help what turns us on. 
 

As a woman I would often like the freedom to play and explore in this fetish without the complications of a relationship but in reality that is safer online and in secret. 
 

it’s hard to have an area in your life that draws you strongly but which also brings with it guilt. Just know people here do understand and some of us actually create art, writing and videos to try and help 🙂 

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. I'm truly sorry that you're so unfulfilled and lonely and hope that  this community helps you to feel at least a bit less isolated.

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I kept it secret from my first wife for the first few years, but eventually confessed. She wasn't mortally offended but wasn't interested either. Mind you she wasn't really that keen on sex anyway to be honest. Eventually we split. My new partner had the best idea: she asked me outright "is there anything you'd like to do sexually that you've not been able to do with a partner?". I said "Pee play". She was a bit shocked, but intrigued and agreed to try it. On our first dirty weekend together (we were from different countries) we  finally went to bed and she straddled me and pissed all over me. We haven't looked back. I do have to ask Momma's permission to wet myself, but that's all part of the fun. She was so great to embrace what makes me happy, and even suggested that it'd be fine to do it in bed as long as we put towels etc down, and she even suggested plastic pants. She calls it OUR fetish. I am very lucky.

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1 hour ago, Skippyboy said:

I kept it secret from my first wife for the first few years, but eventually confessed. She wasn't mortally offended but wasn't interested either. Mind you she wasn't really that keen on sex anyway to be honest. Eventually we split. My new partner had the best idea: she asked me outright "is there anything you'd like to do sexually that you've not been able to do with a partner?". I said "Pee play". She was a bit shocked, but intrigued and agreed to try it. On our first dirty weekend together (we were from different countries) we  finally went to bed and she straddled me and pissed all over me. We haven't looked back. I do have to ask Momma's permission to wet myself, but that's all part of the fun. She was so great to embrace what makes me happy, and even suggested that it'd be fine to do it in bed as long as we put towels etc down, and she even suggested plastic pants. She calls it OUR fetish. I am very lucky.

It's so heartwarming, the way things worked out 🥰💗 Congratulations! ^ ^ 

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