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transgender (ftm) An (almost) accident

  • transgender (ftm)

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Here's something that happened to me a few years ago. One of the closest accidents I've ever had unintentionally.

I used to take the bus to work at my old job, which involved getting off downtown and changing to another bus halfway through. It was a long commute, about an hour and a half. Sometimes I'd go out drinking with coworkers after work and one of them would give me a ride to the bar, and then if we stayed out too late they'd drive me home at the end of the night.

On this day we weren't planning on staying out very late, so the plan was I'd get a ride to the bar, and then afterwards they'd drop me off at the bus stop and I'd go home my usual way. We hung out and drank for just an hour or two; before we left my coworker went to use the bathroom, but I didn't think I needed to go yet so I didn't. Well, I could definitely tell I'd need to go sometime soon, but I was slightly drunk and had forgotten that I wasn't getting a ride all the way home this time. It was only about a 20 minute drive in a car, which would've been plenty of time.

So we leave, and I get dropped off at the bus. This is the first moment I start thinking... maybe I made a bad decision. Without the distractions of the bar or my coworker, just sitting on the mostly empty bus, I was suddenly very aware of just how much I actually needed to pee. Over the course of the ride it drastically got worse and worse as all of the alcohol drained through to my bladder; by the time we were approaching my stop downtown I was sitting stiff with my legs pressed together tightly. I was going to have to find somewhere to go before I got home.

I made a quick decision and got off a stop early because I knew there was a Target a block away, and the bathrooms were in the front of the store. It was pouring down rain so I was quickly soaked. Still, I walked as quickly as I could to the store and made my way inside, getting more desperate with every step as gravity took hold... only to find their bathrooms were out of order.

Shit. I was starting to worry a bit now as I left, briskly walking down the street without knowing where to go next. I just needed to keep moving, because if I was moving I could hold on. It was raining heavily enough that I probably could have let go in my jeans right there on the sidewalk without anyone noticing... but I was also going to have to get on another bus after this, and I wasn't comfortable with the thought of sitting on a public bus with pissed in jeans. Other people have to use those seats too.

Instead I remembered the nearby mall, particularly the bathrooms in the food court, and started heading that way. It was about a five block walk, with stiff legs and my hands shoved into my pockets pressed against my thighs. I really, REALLY needed to piss, I absolutely could not make it home at this point. I wasn't even sure I could make it another ten minutes.

When I finally reached the mall I discovered the food court was currently under renovations, which meant it, and the bathrooms, were all closed. I was starting to lose it a bit at this point; being soaked from the rain made it impossible to tell if I'd leaked at all, but I wouldn't have been surprised. I started speed walking through the mall, just picked a direction at random and walked - there HAD to be another bathroom somewhere, they wouldn't close the only one they had. I just had to find it, very very soon.

Finally my luck changed and I found it, an actual open, working bathroom halfway across the mall, though of course there was a line. I'm sure I was fidgeting as I waited, I couldn't help myself, just the sight of closed stalls and knowing relief was so close was almost too much. When it was finally my turn it took a painful amount of time to get free of my soaking wet pants and briefs as they were clinging to my skin, but I managed to barely make it. I pissed hard for like a full minute, and it felt like every muscle in my body relaxed with relief.

Afterwards I picked up some fast food and caught the bus home. I had to pee again when I got there, so I definitely wouldn't have made it if I'd waited.

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