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I wrote this fic today for 3 hours straight. I edit it when I think of more to add but I will copy and paste it here for permanence purposes in case wattpad ever goes under. Hopefully I will add to it. 

https://www.wattpad.com/1198938971-i-need-my-mommy-chapter-1-new-year

The new semester had just begun, and students were gathering in their new classes after the holidays. Dylan ran into the room seconds before the professor shut the door, looking nervous before quietly settling into the last empty seat in the classroom next to a girl he had met from other classes in the past. He had woken up late this morning and was woefully unprepared for class, but unworried about that as it was the first day with no assignments due. What he was worried about, however, was that he had forgotten to use the bathroom before racing out of his dorm room to get to his first class. He sighed and thought, 'I'm 21, not 4, I don't need to obsessively make sure to go potty before leaving the house every time. I can wait a mere 90 minutes for class to end,' and his anxieties were temporarily soothed.

"Hey Dylan! Nice to see someone familiar. Did you have a good break?" The girl next to him greeted with a warm smile. She was always so nice to him when he saw her, he really wanted to get to know her better. "It was alright, I stayed on campus, played video games and watched Christmas movies." he told her, no reason to tell her the real reason he chose to stay behind while his dormmates were all going home for the holidays. 

After all, he wanted her to like him and not think he was disgusting, immature, unhygienic pervert for staying in his dorm watching comforting cartoons, coloring, suckling almond milk out of a baby bottle while wrapped in the warm embrace of his soft diapers. He reeled at the memory of his highschool girlfriend, Maddie, disowning him after the first and only night they shared a bed, and he had wet in the middle of the night, she was already mad, and when he grabbed some protection before going back to bed, she noticed almost all of his diapers had cutesie prints of animals and toys and lost it at him. He had longed for a mommy girlfriend for years, but was terrified of anyone knowing his secret lifestyle, that they might lash out at him over it too. It was too much for his little heart to bear the thought of. The words she said that night had played in the background of his thoughts frequently for the past 3 years.

"I skipped visiting home this year too, but I wasn't on campus for long, I finally saved enough money to put the deposit down on an off campus apartment." Dylan burned with jealousy that she had the private living arrangements that he could only dream of, for reasons he'd never be able to tell her. With that the professor handed out a bunch of packets and turned on the projector. 

"Hello class, welcome to Psych 201. My name is Dr. Moore and I will be teaching this class. Please open your syllabus to page 1. Everything you need to know about this course is in that syllabus." She introduced the subject fluently, Dylan had been very engaged by Psychology 101 last semester, and he was listening intently to the professor talk about how the semester would go for a while, until when he felt a strong pressure in his tummy. His bladder was chastising him for leaving in a rush this morning instead of making time to relieve himself of that need. He pressed his legs together and tried not to make his need too obvious. This professor had a reputation for giving students an ultimatum between holding it until the end of class, or going and not being allowed back into the classroom. He thought about every time in the past 20 years that he had made this mistake. Despite getting good grades throughout his education, he just couldn't learn the simple trick of going pee just in case. He felt his sphincter twitch and it took every ounce of willpower and strength to not start leaking in his pants then and there.

Tara noticed the boy next to her have a startle reflex suddenly, something she had learned about last semester. She saw him squirming and trying to hide it, she wanted to ask him what was wrong even though it was glaringly obvious to her what biological need of his needed immediate relief, but she didn't want to interrupt the first class of the semester and have the teacher think of her as someone who didn't care about the subject. She loved psychology more than any other class. If their professor wasn't known all around campus for her strict bathroom policy she would have even raised her hand and asked for him. For a professor from that background, renowned in her field for studying attachment and empathy, it was surprising that Dr. Moore would have such a callous policy that leaves desperate students to choose between accidentally missing an important lesson and the humiliation of having an actual accident. It seemed very callous for someone , but she had to admit she enjoyed what she was seeing Dylan do. She was sure that if no one was looking he'd be grabbing his crotch and dancing because he waited too long to use the bathroom. It made her want to take care of him, hold his hand, and lead him to the toilet so he wouldn't get lost.

'This is bad! Really really bad!' Dylan wanted to cry but he didnt want to risk alerting people to his predicament. He didn't want to leave a bad first impression on the teacher, embarrass himself in front of the class, or worst of all, gross out Tara. She was so kind to him but even she probably couldn't get over a grown man having a potty accident right in front of her. Right as he had that thought, he felt another twitch and this time he felt a tiny splash on liquid on his crotch. He desperately wished he was brave enough to wear one of his diapers under his clothes in public. He felt really dumb for being worried that people would notice that his ass was bigger and fluffier under his clothes with a diaper on under them, but now people were going to notice a puddle under his chair soon enough. 

He looked down at his pants and noticed their was no wetness on the outside. He then looked at the clock on the wall. 12:25, only 5 more minutes until class ends. Maybe I can make it out of here before it's visible, he thought, optimistically. A wave of desperation suddenly washed over him, his bladder felt like it was jumping up and down and it took all of the self control he had not to start squirming too obviously in his seat. He pressed his legs together even tighter and started bouncing one of his legs to add pressure to hold it in a little bit longer. He really, really, didn't want to have an accident in front of Tara. He had been crushing on her for a few months now but always felt too shy to do anything about it. He lost another squirt of pee, he clenched as hard as he could, but another spurt forced its way out of him. His pants had a subtle dark spot that could be expertly hidden by pulling his large hoodie down. A technique he had used with with humiliating frequency for anyone older than preschool, let alone college.

The clock struck half past 12, and the professor reminded the class "The reading and homework for tonight and every night of the semester is listed in your syllabus, see you later this week everybody." Dylan breathed a sigh of relief, he was so close to being able to go without an accident, but then he remembered that he wasn't familiar with this lecture hall and didn't know where the bathroom was. His heart sank and with it another gush of pee leaked into his pants. 'Please I don't wanna have an accident not here not now not in front of her' he begged in his thoughts. He pressed his legs together, and started rushing to put his stuff into his bag when Tara distracted him.

"Hey! I've seen you in some of my classes over the past few years, I'd love to get your number and have a friend in this class." Dylan's heart skipped a beat and for a short moment he forgot how badly he needed to find a toilet before he had an accident in his pants. "Uh sure, I'll put my number into your phone. We can hang out..." He was sharply reminded of the need he had been putting off for much too long. He needed to go right now, right now. "Uh soon." finished typing his number and said "H-hey have you had a class in this hall before? I don't know where the bathroom is" his pitch changed halfway through the sentence as the urge was too sudden and intense to hide. He hoped that she knew and that it was really close by because the wet spot on his crotch was growing and he was really worried he wasn't gonna make it in time and go potty in his pants again and Tara would hate him for being gross and infantile just like Maddie did.

Dylan would never have guessed, and would have been mortified to find out, but Tara could see right through him. She looked into his eyes and saw the confused little boy living in his head that still had to learn how to figure out how to use his body, and how it cohabited with the same young man who was so ashamed of who he is inside that he studied to near the top of the class, just to distract people from noticing how deep down under his accomplishments lives a grown man who would rather be changed and have the front of his diaper rubbed than to have sex. But as ashamed as Dylan was of his unconventional interests and poor bladder control, Tara was intrigued, attracted even.

"Yeah, its right down the hall" Dylan was so grateful that he just might be able to make it before the dam burst. Another leak sprung and Dylan jumped and grabbed his crotch. "SorryIgottagotextmesoIahaveyournumber, Bye!!!" he turned and went to run, but as soon as he moved his leg it was too late. He gasped and started running while holding his crotch with both hands, crying "Aaaah! I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait! I'm not gonna make it it's an emergency" so people would let him run by, knowing he needed to get through asap. The tightly pressed legs were keeping him continent while his bladder spasmed and twitched. He made it two steps before pee started hissing out of him at full force. In that moment he relived so many similar moments in his life and he felt so, so, so little and helpless.

Dr. Moore looked up from organizing her desk in preparation for the next class, she had been keeping an eye on him throughout the entire class, people like him were her reason for putting the policy in place. It was a little unofficial experiment of hers, trying to figure out how far different types of people in her class would go before they give up on today's lesson and run to the bathroom. As a class full of full fledged adults, many aged 18-22, but some students as old as 60, this was not at all like elementary school teachers prohibiting toilet use. These students were her equals in all but educational attainment, free to obey or disobey her classroom rules with only the mere consequence of leaving the class, no fear tactics or real punishment, and almost everyone gives into nature's call before their body forces it out of them, and it was very fascinating to her analytical mind, those rare adults who still crave approval so much and try so hard to not disappoint others that they'd rather sit in a puddle of their own urine than not be allowed to reenter class. 

Given that the class was only 90 minutes, the sample size was also limited by the fact that most adults don't ignore or forget their need to pee like poor little Dylan did today. Like Tara, she could also see right through him. But instead of seeing a cute little baby boy to love, nuture and guide, Dr. Moore saw a fascinating subject. While he has the skills and work ethic to consistently be on the Dean's list, she could tell just by his mannerisms that he struggled with any sort of attachment. He had a miasma of insecure, anxious, neediness and nowhere to put it. She'd never seen his dorm but she was willing to bet it was full of stuffed animals and that he couldn't sleep without cuddling one, and she'd win that bet. She also noticed Tara eyeing him throughout the class, Tara was also fascinated with attachment last semester. Moore was very interested in seeing how the semester progressed. As the next class entered the room she heard muffled sobs coming down the hall and saw Dylan walking slowly with glazed eyes and his hand over his mouth to quiet himself, his hoodie tied around his waist did a poor job at obscuring his little secret. She waited a few minutes to give him time to avoid getting caught with wet pants by the janitor, then called the custodian's office to ask for a mop bucket to clean up Dylan's little accident from the classroom and hallway. Then she pressed the button on her spy camera to end the recording of the previous class and start the recording of the next. She'd gotten the best footage on the first day than anything that happened last semester.

His cheeks burned red, mortified at how he must have looked loudly announcing his distress about such a private need that never should have been allowed to get so bad. A couple seconds and his legs and feet were wet and he was running to the bathroom, leaving a trail behind him. he was able to stem the flow briefly but it kept starting up again. His face burned red with embarrassment, a girl wanted to know him enough to ask for his number and he ruined it because almost 20 years after potty training he still can't stop having little pee pee accidents in his pants.

His stomach turned as he thought of all the times his own real mother had chastised him for neglecting to take a bathroom break in time, even at the age of 18 as a senior in highschool she would get occasional calls to come into the school and bring him a change of clothes. Both of his real parents always threatened to put him back in diapers, but never went through with it, even though he wished he could go back to it. He missed being small. He missed having no responsibilities and being loved and cared for unconditionally, he was tired of having to be brave and suck it up. He'd felt something missing ever since his family stopped responding to his accidents with gentle reassurances and to his cries with cuddles, all he'd gotten for many years now is getting yelled at to be brave instead of weak and no one wants a crybaby man. 

He reached the door of the single bathroom down the hall and ran in as fast as he could, still alternating between big involuntary leaks and struggling to keep his bladder closed for just a few more seconds. Thankfully, the door was unlocked and Dylan was able to run straight to the toilet. He fumbled with his belt for a few precious seconds when suddenly he couldn't hold it anymore, the urge was too much and he waited too long and now it was coming out and he couldn't make it stop. His bladder was emptying right there on the floor and there wasn't anything he could do about it but rip down his pants and sit on the toilet, peeing through his underwear. He felt humiliated, he couldn't at least have made it 5 more seconds so at least Tara wouldn't have to see his trail of warm shame, or hear his cries of desperation. He tried to accept that he probably wasn't going to hear from her after what she saw. He swallowed a lump in his throat, washed his hands, and splashed water on his face so it wouldn't look like he was about to cry and walked back to his dorm room to go change, hoodie tied around his waist and sneakers making a squee gee sound as he walked. He wished taking off painful memories was as easy as taking off wet, icky clothes. He wanted new memories that would make him feel warm and secure on the inside, but today he has to settle with just being clean and dry on the outside. 

His roommate was in a longer lab class and wouldn't be home for a while, and Dylan really needed to let off some steam after that awful first day of class. His next class didn't start until 2:30 so he had a solid block of time for a good, cathartic cry. And cry he did for a while, until he checked his phone for the time and to his shock, there was a text from a number he did not have saved. "Hey! This is Tara from class. Are you okay right now? Also do you wanna grab lunch with me today, maybe after you go get changed? :)" Dylan's heart skipped a beat. She didn't hate him. She wanted to have lunch with him. He felt so light like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "Yeah, that sounds great! I can meet you at the dining hall. I was worried you'd think I'm too weird." 

Before Dylan left his dorm, he put on a discreet pull up on under his new pants. They weren't the comforting cute diapers that would make his butt look suspiciously big, and they'd leak if he didn't change right away and had another accident, but it was a good  enough buffer that he didn't need to worry about it if he forgets to use the bathroom once. Even though Tara wasn't mad about his embarrassing accident today, he didn't wanna go through that again, even though unbeknownst to him, the incident had made him look significantly more attractive to her and was why she reached out to him. They were both looking forward to meeting up for lunch, and to each other.

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chapter 2 is up

Dylan smiled all the way to the dining hall, where he went to go wait for Tara, and he couldn't help but make excited little noises. He was so thrilled at Tara's continued interest in knowing him despite what he let happen to himself today. He caught eye of a less friendly familiar face first, luckily they did not notice him. He clung to the wall trying to blend into it, the last thing he wanted was to have Jared try to lure him back in. He'd had enough of him and it was so hard to break free from his grasp. He'd lost most of his friends in the process after finding out that they only kept him around because he was entertaining to hurt and embarrass. He didn't wanna think about them now or ever and tried to keep his mind on Tara.

He saw a wave from across the cafeteria and it pulled him out of his head. It was her, she shared another warm smile with him. "Hi cutie! Are you feeling any better after that class? You looked so uncomfortable the whole time." He wanted to melt with joy and die of embarrassment at the same time. Was he really that bad at hiding it? "mm... I'm doing okay now." His voice was acting oddly now, after being called cutie and doted over it was getting hard to maintain his composure, he wanted to jump in her lap instead but kept ahold of himself. "Thanks for texting me. I was so embarrassed today I thought you'd hate me and think I'm weird or gross." He resisted saying how much he wanted to be held and cuddled starting the second she said 'cutie.' It was all he ever wanted but he didn't want her to think ill of him yet for being such a needy and touch starved crybaby, he didn't want her to know. He held his own hand for comfort and touched his fingers nervously. But through her own sources, Tara already knew much more than she let on.

"It's okay baby boy. Do you wanna go somewhere else like a diner or Cafe? I don't have a meal plan anymore since I moved out of the dorms." Tara asked. Dylan felt so stupid for suggesting they meet here. "No, that's fine, I'll swipe you in today." He offered, she accepted gratefully. "Thanks cutie pie!" She patted him on the head, easily, ruffling his soft hair and making his heart skip a beat. She was just slightly taller than him by the slimmest of margins, he felt so little right now despite being at the same eye level as her. Where was she finding all of these words and gestures? it's as if she were casting a spell to make him obsessed and it was working. His mind was screaming 'I love you mommy please please please let me be yours I'll be your good little boy for you I'll do anything please love me,' but he knew saying that aloud would be more humiliating than wetting his pants as an adult could ever be. "You're so welcome, beautiful" he forced out instead, struggling to show interest back without showing how much he already longed for her after only a few kind interactions. 

He'd been so lonely since Jared and friends got sick of him, his dormmates were kind but with so little in common and very different schedules, they could only share so much time together. He was scared to show any vulnerabilities to his friends from the extracurriculars he did, paranoid that the competitive nature of students vying for the highest gpa and grant money would use any vulnerability against him and he'd lose both more friends and his scholarship. His internet friends loved him, and were the only ones he felt comfortable sharing his abdl interests with in his life after several painful experiences after people accidentally finding out IRL. Little did he know, Tara had her sources and she knew a lot more than he thought.

Tara's source was a mutual friend on social media who knew Maddie. Maddie had put Dylan's vulnerabilities up on display on her private accounts, who was followed by her best friend's account. Tara had been obsessed with the story and her bestie Krystal was happy to divulge and share screenshots and gossip with her. Her heart broke for little Dylan, whose heart had also been broken. It was a vanilla relationship, but being submissive and little was baked into Dylan's personality long before he had the education and words to put to it. He loved her so much, picking her flowers, bringing snacks, always so enamored that she could get practically anything out of him, and very sensitive to rejection much go her amusement. 

But she was repulsed by that and admitted it on her fake instagram laughing that she  was keeping him around so she'd have a free date to take her to the senior prom, favors, gifts, and it was entertaining to use his fears against him until he cried. He didn't fight back because couldn't fight back, he could never think of her as anything but perfect. She scoffed at how nervous he was when it came to sexuality and told him he needed to grow a pair and get past second base already. Meanwhile on the public account with her real name she posted couples photos poses with him, being a boyfriend as more of a prop than as a person, with generic captioned phrases that didn't fit him and had been recycled and would be recycled again with her previous and next partners. He couldn't  bring himself mind it though. He needed the love so much that the only thing stopping him from wanting her back right now was that she had found out his little secret and had threatened to ruin him by telling everyone. Little did he know that she already had, just to a smaller audience.

The comments were full of laughing emojis and clapping hands from her enabling friends, and praise for her cruelty. Tara thought she should have been disgusted by their outlook and hate them for it, but it just made her want Dylan even more. 'So what if they see him and see a punching bag?' She thought. 'That just leaves a bigger opening for me to come in and steal his little heart.'

Her accounts were filled with a multimedia goldmine of her life, and the turbulent 8 month affair they'd had a few years back as they came of age. She was so excited at first, that her date had a car and a license, didn't try to cheat, was well tolerated by her family, the whole package. But she grew to resent him within weeks. "he just hasnt got any spark, doesnt defend himself. i yell he doesn't yell back he's just lookin like a deer in the headlights LMAO" her post from October read, attached was a quick picture of Dylan with tears in his eyes that she snapped. "borrowed another girls hairbrush and left it in his car so i could confront him about it, and he doesnt maintain innocence doesnt get defensive he just shrunk back and and started cryin "im sorry im sorry i didnt mean to i dont know who left it there" like DUDE. GROW. A. PAIR." Tara laughed, not because that was a nice thing to do but because this girls life choices, to this day, looked like a reality show was cutting her a paycheck.

Her last mention of him was a video. It's dark except for the camera flash in the middle of the night. It opens with her yelling "What the fuck!? Are you two years old? Is this PISS? You pissed on me what the fuck first you can't keep it up long enough to fuck now you wet the bed???" The silence is punctuated by Dylan's shaky breathing. "The first time we sleep together and THIS is what you do?" through the sobs Dylan forces out "didn't mean to I swear! It happens a lot I can't help it I'll wear something to protect the bed from now on I didn't wanna wear it in front of you I'm so sorry I got you wet." The phone flashlight follows Dylan as he pulls a box out of his closet. A crinkling sound is heard as the spotlight shines on Dylan's little space box. With his pacis, bottles, rattle, blankie, and some cute printed diapers. Maddie screams. "Are you serious??? Are you fucking serious? diapers I can get if they were plain for your so called medical condition but those are giant baby diapers, toys, a bottle... What is wrong with you? You're sick. You want to be disgusting and pathetic and you're lying, you did it on purpose. I've wasted enough of my youth on you. I'm done." The recording continues as she walks away, the only sounds are her storming wordlessly out of his house, and Dylan's plaintive sobs. She left that warm night in May, never to return to him. 

Meanwhile on Dylan's old account, abandoned shortly after he had graduated highschool, he tried to look at happy as he wanted people to see him as, but his eyes told another story. He tried to get his life going back to normal, but over the course of his 8 month relationship he lost so many friends, at the request of Maddie. She always told him they weren't good for him as they were too soft on him. His parents agreed, also not liking their boy to be too sensitive and needy. He missed his friends a lot but he didn't think he could undo the damage the relationship that he poured his heart and soul into did to his friendships. He missed having friends who he could sleep over with without hiding his bedwetting, or having to hide it when he had a nightmare. His best friend Louis growing up would at sleepovers, pat his back and hold him until his breathing returned to normal, even as they grew older and boys grew wary of being affectionate due to how it was seen. On graduation day they took a picture together, and Dylan apologized deeply for letting his misguided love get in the way of a friend who cared. Maddie didn't like him so they grew apart. They were going to opposite ends of the country for college. He'd miss him so much, he promised to stay in touch and they still send each other memes and interesting images. But he misses the tender touch of a friend who cared deeply. Last time Dylan saw Louis in person, his best friend reminded him "You didn't do it on purpose, I forgive you. We all saw how fucked up she was with you. I'm so glad you're out and safe now. Love you Dylan" The picture of him and his childhood friends graduating is one of the few pictures on his entire account where he doesn't look heartbroken and scared in his eyes.

Back in the present, remembering her hours of social media snooping, Tara remembered to play it gentle with Dylan. It had been 3 years but he still had that broken look in his eyes like he did when he was 18. He'd had it when they met the previous semester. She noticed him light up a little when she called him words like "baby" and "cutie pie" and made a mental note of it, and how he cooed softly with delight when she patted his head. Dylan basked in the positive attention like he didn't know when or if he'd ever get it again. He needed her, he wanted to burst into tears and hug her leg and beg her to take him home with her. Instead he shyly grabbed her hand and asked her what she wanted for lunch. 

Tara squeezed back and smiled. "I'm looking for something simple that I miss from here, I'm thinking sweet potato fries and a burger. What about you?" Dylan wanted nothing more than to tell her that he wanted mommy to decide a nice balanced lunch for him today, but he knew he shouldn't say that. "ummmmm" his mind went blank. He only knew what he wanted to say, not what he needed to say. He scrambled to think of a way to say it without sounding creepy and weird. "umm... Why don't you pick? I'm not sure what I wanna eat today?" He sounded a little confused but at least his little side didn't burst out through his voice against his will twice in one day. 

Tara was excited for the opportunity to feed her new potential little. "Well, what do you like in this line." Dylan really liked chicken tenders, always had. Tara was happy to oblige him, but added in "Let's make it a more balanced meal, get the cup of cut vegetable sticks and dip okay sweetie? I want you to grow big and strong." Dylan blushed. He felt more cared about in this moment with a girl he just started talking to than he had in years. It was a losing battle trying to keep his needy little side under control, so he just lowered his volume to avoid being overheard, "I'd really like that a whole lot and I really like you a whole lot" he babbled mindlessly once they got to their table. Being called sweetie, wanting him to grow big and strong, gentle guidance to eat better and take good care of himself just overloaded him. He squeezed her hand and leaned closer next to her, trying to make himself look and feel small. She reciprocated, lifted his hand up, and planted a kiss on it. He was on cloud nine and lost in his head when they both heard a hissing noise and Dylan felt himself getting warm in his pants. He looked down at his crotch and seeing that told Tara what had just happened. He didn't even feel like he had to go it just started coming out because he wasn't used to being so relaxed and feeling so safe around someone. He blushed. 

His accident wasn't visible to everyone, but Tara had heard it. He was so scared she'd be mad at him, thinking he did it on purpose, or disgusted that he at the age of 21 has resorted to adult diapers to hide it instead of just holding it like a regular person. But she wasn't mad at him, she gave him a little peck on the cheek and told him "it's okay. accidents happen baby." he let out a contented sigh. No one had said that to him in years. He remembered hearing it while his parents were scrambling to potty train him in time for preschool. He barely made the cutoff, at that point occasional accidents were still tolerated and not punished, and if he cried someone held him and wiped his tears. A few years later when he started real public school, however, people's patience had worn very thin and he got used to hearing how dirty he is, how he was too old to be doing this, how no one would want to be his friends if he pees on their furniture or floor. He was able to pretend it was under control during the day by neurotically using the restroom every chance he got to avoid being surprised with random desperate urges because his bladder rarely filled up all the way. 

Whenever his requests to go pee were denied, or even delayed, the cracks in his façade of control showed up. Both his seemingly tiny bladder and frequent urination, as well as his accidents if he tried to follow a less disruptive and less frequent voiding schedule, were both subjects of mockery for kids and adults alike. He wished it could just be small and easier to control so he could make it in time and pass it off as a simple spill if he did have an accident, instead he found himself standing or sitting in a noticeable and unmistakable puddle.

At night was just as bad as during the day. As he grew up his parents were sick and tired of him wetting the bed and waking them up crying all the time. He was gross, he just wanted attention, he was lazy, bad, spoiled, for wetting the bed, he wasted so much money on needing Goodnites that they stopped letting him wear them at home, then yelling at him about how much extra laundry they have to do because of him. His parents tried to praise him whenever he woke up dry, but Dylan knew those days were just a fluke and that he never woke up dry more than a few days in a row. Why can't he be like his baby brother who stayed dry all day and all night as a toddler and never looked back? His brother was so easy and Dylan was the difficult to love, broken child. He had thought about that every single day of his life.

Dylan snapped back to the present back to Tara smiling at him. He felt warm on the inside and not just the outside. He grabbed his food and started eating, opening with a carrot stick dipped in a dressing, alternated bites of celery and carrot with the pieces of chicken dipped in ketchup. Tara admired him and his methodical eating pattern while she ate the cafeteria burger, she liked them and it felt nostalgic, but not enough to give up on her sweet new place to get a meal plan again. "So, which bite are you gonna save for last?" she asked him. Dylan looked up at her with excited eyes, he never thought anyone else ate that way to end a meal with their favorite taste.

"It's so hard to decide! I really like them all but I eat the tenders pretty often so I'm going to close out with a celery and carrot dipped in the sauce and I'm gonna eat them at the same time!." He looked so thrilled that someone had noticed his little food game he always plays at any meal with sides. They gathered their trash and threw it into the can and exited the dining hall hand in hand. It was a freezing but sunny winter day outside, Tara told Dylan to stand still while she zipped his jacked up for him. He knew how to do this himself, but rarely did, but the simple gesture of zipping him up to help keep him warm sent a wave of affection coursing through his body. He needed her, to be close to her, he didn't care if he got to sleep next to her as her boyfriend or at her feet like a kitten, or even in a cradle next to the bed. He had dreamt so long of the latter, dating someone and sleeping in a cradle near the, within arm's reach so his partner could rock him back and forth back to sleep when he cried at night without having to leave their bed. 

He tried to think back of when he slept in a crib, it was alone in his room and his parents stopped checking in on him at night to teach him to fall asleep on his own without annoying them, there was no gray area for them or weaning, they shut his door and didn't open it again until morning. He struggled with it and cried himself to sleep for many years until he learned how to fantasize deeply until sleep takes over him, something he still does to this day. He thinks every day about finding a new family who isn't annoyed by his very existence. He didn't hate his parents or his siblings, but he knew his baby brother, Thomas, who unlike Dylan was no longer a baby in any sense of the word, was now old enough to drive, and he was their favorite ever since he was born, and Dylan understood why they'd like him more now, but he grasped at straws trying to figure out what would have made him less likable as a baby compared to his brother. 

When Dylan was that young they believed it would spoil him being cuddled and held too much and having his parents always come when he cries out for them and that it was better for them to let him cry until he stops, best to let him learn that we won't be there 24/7 early in life was their motto. He cried until his voice stopped working and kept crying. No one came for him and he gave up. The shadow of a branch moved on the wall at night and he remembers being relieved that a monster had finally come to eat him and take him away from his life. They always came back in the morning, eventually he started wishing that they wouldn't. It didn't matter, he wasn't wanted here for longer than a short courtesy game of peekaboo and a quick photograph for the album.

Dylan tried to shrug off the sick feeling in his stomach he got from thinking about his family, he didn't think it was their fault and that he was in reality, very annoying to deal with. They'd called him over Christmas to wish him a happy one, but no one at the gathering said they wished he was there. He didn't belong there anyway, when he visited home for breaks he always ended up regretting missing out on the privacy of an empty dorm room and some time as his true self. 

But right now he was standing close to Tara trying to figure out what to say to her to excuse himself to go change before his next class without being apart from her. She broke the silence first "Can I get a look at your dorm?" This took Dylan by surprise, no words would come to his mouth so he just nodded and started walking for her to follow. His dorm room was still empty, his roommate often gone to go party at the off campus house that 4 of his friends were renting. 

His head was still swimming from the rush of meeting Tara when he invited her in. In his haze he went to go into his room, he mumbled "wait here I'm gonna go change" but Tara followed after him, wondering if she could watch and help. Dylan froze in his tracks, he knew for sure that he wanted this but was it really okay? 

chapter 3 is up now too

Dylan led Tara into his bedroom nervously, he had never gotten this far with anyone in his life and he was scared to death but wanted it to continue with every fiber of his being. He pulled out his box of little stuff, the same one Tara had seen online. Contained in it were some toys, a bottle, pull ups and diapers. He took off his pants and put the changing mat on the bed and lay down on it with his legs spread apart. She tore the sides of his pull up and rolled it up to put it in the trash. After wiping and powdering him she grabbed a thick, cute diaper with prints, but Dylan covered his face and shook his head no. "Too embarrassing, what if people notice?" He defiantly closed his legs so she couldn't put it on him.

"Hmm? Really more embarrassing than what happened in your first class today?" She teased him. Dylan blushed and closed his eyes, kicking his feet. "No it's not fair don't hold that against me it was a fluke" he whined. "I don't wanna wear a diaper I don't need them." He was dead set on wearing a pull up so he could pretend to be all grown up for a while. Tara laughed and told him "okay, have it your way. But if you really didn't need diapers then you wouldn't need pullups either." 

Dylan was kicking himself for trying to outsmart her, but he couldn't back down now. "I do not NEED pull ups I wear them just in case I have to go and there's no bathroom around." He sassed at her. Tara giggled "Like in the dining hall with a bathroom 50ft away? You didn't even try to make it, did you even feel it coming?" Dylan really regretted starting this conversation because no he didn't, and no he couldn't. 

He covered his face and whispered "No... I was so happy being next to you that I was so relaxed and didn't know I'd wet... imsorryyouknowbetter" He didn't have any backtalk left in him, he couldn't do it, she had bested him. Tara smiled and grabbed a pullup. Dylan lifted his legs and and slid them through the holes. Tara patted his padded butt and smiled "Try a little harder to keep this one dry." 

"I'll try my best for you mommy-" Dylan slapped his hands over his mouth, he didn't mean to say that it wasn't what he meant "no that came out wrong that isn't right what I meant to say was that it was a mistake I'm sorry it just slipped out I didn't mean that" he babbled incoherently until Tara shushed him "no, you got it right the first time baby boy. I can be your mommy." she planted a kiss on his cheek and helped him put his pants back on, and tied his shoes for him. Dylan was dumbstruck and silently cooperated with mommy's assistance. "Do you need to go potty before class?" He really didn't, but he nodded anyway and sat on the potty just in case for her. A brief stream of a few seconds came out. He wiped the last few drops off of his penis and pulled his pants back up, flushed, and washed his hands. Tara was waiting for him with his coat, which she buttoned up for him and tied a scarf around his neck. "Have a good class sweetie pie! I'm going to go study in the library. Come meet me afterward." Dylan nodded and smiled. 

He walked through the quad to his next class with his head in the clouds and butterflies in his stomach. It was such a miracle, he thought, that he'd found a new mommy completely by chance it seemed so unlikely that it would happen that he had written off the possibility of ever having the opportunity for a real relationship with a mommy as an unrealistic fantasy. He once had been saving up for a weekend with a professional mommy, but that would now be unnecessary, though the professional dominatrix's fully equipped nursery still fascinated him, he craved only Tara's motherly love now. He took his phone out his pocket and sent her a short message "I love you mommy" before he entered the chemistry lab. He felt so much more confident right now than he did this morning and he picked a seat at the end of a lab bench and took his notebook out. He didn't know anyone in that class but he politely greeted the older student next to him. 

The teacher introduced himself Dr. Bryant, "Welcome to Principles of Biochemistry, open your syllabi and you'll see all that we will be going over in this semester, from the building blocks of life to metabolic processes and enzymes." Dylan highlighted key words on his copy of the syllabus for easier future reading. "To start you all off, here is a website where you can download the textbook for free. But you didn't get it from me" the teacher then winked at the class. Dylan grinned, wondering what sorts of little stuff he could get with the 200 dollars he just saved. Or maybe he would get a present for mommy. The possibilities were endless. The homework was light that night, just to download the book, read the first chapter, and take a short online quiz to confirm you had downloaded the right book. Dylan felt confident in this subject, as he had already started his paid internship as a lab tech and was using some of the principles he would be learning about in that class at work already. He really respected the professor already and hoped that the class would help him to kickstart his career in the field.

When class ended he packed up his stuff and made his way down to the library. He texted Tara that he was out of class and coming down to do some homework in the library, she replied with several different heart emojis. His own heart fluttered. He went into the library and located Tara sitting at a table with a math book open and a graphing calculator in her hand, chewing on her pencil. Dylan joined her and pulled his laptop out of his bag. Tara held up one finger as she finished a math problem, then she looked up and greeted him quietly "hi baby boy! how was your class, too hard for a little one?" she giggled. Dylan giggled too "no, not really, it's similar content to what I've already been doing for my internship at the biotech company. Baby does a good job at the science." Tara patted his head and ruffled his hair. "Cute AND smart. Let me show you what I learned how to do today." 

She typed x2+y2−1)3−x2y3=0 into the list and hit graph, and the calculator draw a heart on the screen. Dylan smiled. He looked down at her side of the table and saw that she had done a week's worth of calculus homework all at once while he was in class. Tara noticed him gawking and she told him "I don't like taking work home with me, my apartment is a homework free zone. You should come over sometime." Dylan gulped. He really wanted to. He nodded eagerly. "Get all your homework done and then we can go grab your little stuff and come back on Wednesday" neither of them had any classes nor work to do tomorrow, so once Dylan got done with all his homework he got to spend some quality time with mommy. He quickly downloaded the reading and did the quiz, and then he did the psychology reading too and then he was done. He grabbed Tara's hand and they went back to his dorm room. 

Tara took their opportunity in private to check his pull up. To her surprise it was nice and dry "good job little guy" she said, and Dylan beamed at the praise. "I think you've earned the right to move back up to big boy pants." He gladly took off his pants and dry pull up and replaced it with  a pair of boxer briefs that hugged his figure nicely. He then started packing and grabbed a change of clothes, his pullups, diapers, and big boy undies, paci, bottle, a stuffie and a onesie, he also packed powder, his medicine, lube and condoms into his backpack. He felt that nagging feeling in his tummy but he was so eager to get to Tara's house and melt away into little space with her that he ignored it. Tara noticed something off "Do you have something you should tell me, Dylan?" He looked confused at her, and shook his head no. They left the dorm walked out towards Tara's car. Dylan stopped in his tracks and pressed his legs together. "Babe, are you sure you don't need to go potty?" Dylan shook his head in denial and ran to the car.

Tara opened up the passenger side door for him and put the seatbelt over his body and buckled it in. She got in on the driver's side and started up the car she saw him rubbing his thighs together but he stopped as soon as he noticed her looking. She pulled out of the parking lot and made her way to the highway. "I live a couple towns over, if you need to pee you gotta tell me now or wait until we get there." Dylan told her he was okay and didn't need to go at all. He'd been fine all through his chemistry class, and all through doing his homework, he could make it for 30 more minutes easily, he was a big boy now and had the underwear to prove it.

They made it onto the highway and were driving along fast for about 15 minutes. Dylan's urge had grown but it wasn't unmanageable yet. They kept moving until they hit a traffic jam a few minutes later. The traffic was stop and go and they were moving along at a snail's pace. Dylan really regretted not taking the time to go when he had the chance, and lying to Tara about having to go potty was a bad idea. He wiggled his legs trying to find a more comfortable position but he couldn't get comfortable when he had no idea how long it would be before they'd reach her apartment and with it, her bathroom. It was getting pretty bad now and the traffic jam was moving ever so slowly. He opened and closed his legs trying to find out what position lessened the pressure. Tara brought him out of his trance. "Hey baby, did you forget to tell me something before we left?" Dylan just whimpered, she had known all along. He felt ashamed for lying and for the imminent damage he would do to the passenger seat in her car. 

"What was that baby? Use your words." Dylan whimpered more "Mhm... I forgot to go potty and I forgot to tell you that I needed to go potty and now it's too late and we're stuck and I really need to pee and there's nowhere to go and it's my fault and I'm really sorry for lying to you and and..." Tara put a single finger on his lips to shush him. "Don't worry about it sweetie pie, naïve little babies overestimate themselves all the time. It's my fault for believing you were ready for big boy pants, you're too little to know any better." Tara was laying it on him thick, Dylan blushed but stopped feeling so guilty. 

His urge to pee intensified greatly "I gotta go really bad" He cried. He grabbed onto his crotch with both hands and squeezed, and it worked and his pants stayed dry for now. He caught his breath and kept holding. The traffic was still starting and stopping but they were moving a little more. They could see where only one lane was open and the cars were slowly filing in through it. Seeing single individual cars getting out of the traffic jam one at a time reminded him of pee slowly leaking out one drop at a time. "I don't wanna go in my pants again" he whined. His tummy hurt and he felt his pelvic floor twitching, begging him to let it out, but he refused, the twitching got so bad that eventually a little gush came out and he felt it on his hands.  It would have been a really good idea to just leave the pull up on next time, he thought.

Their car was approaching the front of the jam, in the rear view window they saw other drivers and passengers in a similar predicament getting out of their cars and squatting or pulling their dicks out to take a quick pee, Dylan wished he had thought of that but it was too late now, they were moving again. Tara accidentally on purpose drove over the rumble strip on the highway to see how Dylan would react, the vibrations drove him to the brink. "Uh oh, uh oh, no no no please no" both of his hands were squeezing his penis begging it not to leak anymore and his legs were shaking and pressed against each other as hard as they would go. "He started to cry "no don't come out" and by some miracle only a little drop came out, it stained the front of his pants but nothing got on the seat. He sighed in relief. He was sure she'd hate him forever if he had an unprotected accident on the interior of her car. 

Tara was keeping one eye on the road and one eye on the little show Dylan was giving her. She wanted him to wet in her car as much as he wanted not to. Dylan felt his bladder contracting and he knew he didn't have a lot of time left and he was really scared. A tear fell from his eyes and he crossed his legs, unknowingly making the pressure worse on his bladder. "Don't pee don't pee don't pee!" he whimpered, and his entire pelvic floor twitched for a second and he thought that was it, but he regained control. "How much longer?" he asked, begging her to get him to the toilet as soon as possible. "Not too much longer, unless I take the long way" Dylan cried freely. "I'm gonna go pee pee in my pants!" He really really didn't want her to take the longer route but it wasn't his choice nor his place to complain. "I won't, just teasing you, baby boy."

Dylan sniffled, he decided since it was just him and mommy in the car that he could hold himself under his clothes, he stuck one hand underneath his waistband and grabbed himself directly. The coldness of his hands did him no good and he felt his hand get splashed with warmth. He stuck his other hand over it and held himself tight but he leaked even more.  He kicked his legs in desperation and frustration "It's coming out!!!" he wailed as they pulled into the parking lot. 

"We're here" Tara said, turning off the car. Dylan jumped out of the car after and followed her, potty dancing with his hands buried in his crotch. They walked up to the door and into the lobby. He stared down at his feet as they walked through the lobby, people were in there and they saw him dancing for the potty with pee pee staining his legs and bottom. Tara led him into the elevator where they went up a few floors. Dylan was at his limit he lost control for a few seconds and a jet of pee soaked his legs and shoes before he was able to regain control. He danced behind Tara to her door and as soon as her key went in the door he bolted in. He didn't know where the bathroom was and he felt like he was about to go pee pee in his pants right then and there. Tara took her time with taking off her shoes and coat and Dylan was already past his limit and leaking a steady stream. He cried out "Hurry mommy I'm gonna burst it's leaking" Straight to "oh no! It's too late I'm pottying." He saw a plant and he knew what he had to do. He shamefully waddled over to the plant and squatted over it "I'm so sorry mommy I really gotta go pee pee and I couldn't help it!" It poured out of him through his pants and into the pot of the fake plant for a solid minute. It felt so good to finally let all of that urine out of his tired bladder that he moaned a little. Then he started to cry at how naughty he'd been to potty in the plant instead of waiting a couple more minutes for the toilet. How was mommy supposed to take care of him when all he did was make things harder for her.

Tara patted his back "No more big boy pants for you until you complete potty training with me." Dylan nodded, so relieved that he was still welcome here. "'m not ready for potty training. Can I wear a diapee tonight mommy?" He baby talked to her sweetly, ready to be a good little baby from now on. Tara giggled "Of course, lets get you into the bath and changed into your baby clothes for the night, go finish up pottying in the bathroom and strip naked, she pointed at a room down the hall and he ran down there and let out the rest of his pee, which there was a surprising amount of, and a little poop. He wiped and flushed and Tara followed him in with some towels and ran him a nice bubble bath with relaxing scented bubbles, and to his surprise, she got naked and climbed in the tub with him. He sighed with contentment, she was so beautiful and so gentle with him. He was ready to get cleansed by her love.

 

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