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Help with coming to terms being a diaper lover


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I've been a DL for as long as I can remember (mainly around the age of 6). It never started out as a kink/fetish but eventually evolved to being a balance between that and a comfort/convenience type of interest. It would be something that I feel like would help me distress and find some inner emotional safety and peace dealing with some anxiety. To the point it wouldn't feel like an abnormal thing or something to think about, eventually I would want to wear diapers as a now and then thing like few times a week/month. It fascinates me. Even if it feels like a guilty or shameful thing, either browsing diaper tumblr, diaper twitter, adisc and of course here. Something along the lines of "so wrong but feels so good" vibe I get from it.

 

I am 21 years old and still living with my family. Working a job in the family business so the reason to move out isn't there. I don't hang with friends IRL anymore due to jobs/life/covid/distance so I just stay online like on Twitter and Discord chilling with the friends I've made (friends that are states away) and keep in touch with with an old high school friend or two.

 

Now that you have some form of context on me here is what I want to do. I don't want to just hide/suppress it anymore. The longer you keep something inside, the harder it gets to contain. I feel like it's building and want some way to release it. I want to tell somebody (hard no on family and on the middle of telling friends) but fear the potential outcomes and how that would affect things. I can't order or go out and buy some diapers to satisfy urge or even try. Even then I still have an underlying guilt about it.

 

How do I deal with this? How did or do you deal with something like this? How do I start small and then big with this? What is the best way to come to terms and ease myself with this? I was hoping hearing some other people's stories, experiences and, motives for wearing/wanting to wear and, how other people coming to terms can help me better guide through this. Thanks for reading. - Some Diaper Lover

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I was in a similar place as you when I was 21. At the time I mostly stuck to Goodnites and only used them when my parents would be out of town. Or I would wait until the trash can in my room was full so I could dispose of some safely. 

As for coming to terms,  I feel like that didnt happen until I had my own place (and meeting someone who accepted me for me), where I could indulge when ever I want.  This might seem like a huge undertaking , but I would recommend finding a field of study that will help you get a job that would allow you to move out. Just as an example, game developers do not need a degree and people who know how to code are always in hot demand.  

Edited by koopatroopa (see edit history)
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7 hours ago, koopatroopa said:

I was in a similar place as you when I was 21. At the time I mostly stuck to Goodnites and only used them when my parents would be out of town. Or I would wait until the trash can in my room was full so I could dispose of some safely. 

As for coming to terms,  I feel like that didnt happen until I had my own place (and meeting someone who accepted me for me), where I could indulge when ever I want.  This might seem like a huge undertaking , but I would recommend finding a field of study that will help you get a job that would allow you to move out. Just as an example, game developers do not need a degree and people who know how to code are always in hot demand.  

The thing is my parents were out of town recently and I was thinking of buying some abdl diapers or Goodnites from ebay (sometimes I see sellers sell like 2 as like samplings but to also be put in the mail box rather than left at the door and I don't even think goodnites would fit me that well) but I also have a younger brother still in high school and an older sister who recently had a baby that comes over time from time. So even the slightest window of opportunity of ordering and having delivered on a day where my parents are out of town with perfect timing can still have a huge misstep and everything falls. It's something I don't want to risk.

 

As for the job and moving out, I did actually go to school for a computer troubleshooting certification but I was only able to get one 3-Month contract job from it and that cert expires in June this year. I also just feel burned out on school. In early 2020, I tried to look and apply for jobs in that field and even then I was never was able to get one even after interviewing cause of other people also applying for the job. I then tried to apply to places around me like retail type stuff but none of them ever got back to me. The family business is my "to fall back on" job. My parent's rent free roof over my head and food on the table (along with the business being closer to our house than you think) it makes it very out of the ordinary and odd to even explain why I would want to move out. Haven't even told them I'm gay and I don't know how any of them would react to that.

 

I should also note that I don't drive. I don't like driving and have very little incentive or motivation to get my license. I had a permit once but that expired and I did use a driving school for like a month but that's about it. I just don't like it. So I can't just drive to some far out of town pharmacy and get some gnites or even abenas and I couldn't stand the embarrassment of buying in public even at like a self checkout.

 

I think I need help more with feeling more comfortable with it and then expressing/telling people like friends in like the right way.

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New here (long time lurker), but I'll respond because I very recently "got over it". For me it was mostly trying it for real (about a year ago now) that put an end to the freaking-out-over-it period I'd been in for the proceeding twenty-odd years. The shame was worse the first couple of times, but after two or three tries with nothing horrible happening and the substance of my character not magically changing, all the associated consternation faded pretty quickly. 

I had the luxury of being moved out and living with roommates with predictable schedules, though, and getting caught only really risked ridicule. My exact path may not apply. Still, the significant thing is that the worry really is in your head. How it reflects on your character is something you choose to worry about, and you can choose not to.

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17 hours ago, NouveauWolf said:

New here (long time lurker), but I'll respond because I very recently "got over it". For me it was mostly trying it for real (about a year ago now) that put an end to the freaking-out-over-it period I'd been in for the proceeding twenty-odd years. The shame was worse the first couple of times, but after two or three tries with nothing horrible happening and the substance of my character not magically changing, all the associated consternation faded pretty quickly. 

I had the luxury of being moved out and living with roommates with predictable schedules, though, and getting caught only really risked ridicule. My exact path may not apply. Still, the significant thing is that the worry really is in your head. How it reflects on your character is something you choose to worry about, and you can choose not to.

What you said about "character not magically changing" actually makes me feel better. Like yeah I'm not gonna be that proud of it but shouldn't beat myself up for it. I'm still me to the people around me and to myself. It's not like my DL quirk is a huge thing that revolves around me but more like a side trait. I shouldn't let it affect me overall.

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Yeah, it’s just a part of who you are, and something you have to fit around your personal circumstances. While hiding it is annoying, particularly given diapers are bulky and take up space, I don’t think you have to feel the need to tell anyone in your “regular” life, except perhaps a partner. It’s something you do for enjoyment after all, so it’s counterproductive if it causes you extra stress.

Talking to others on sites like this definitely helps. Meeting local ABDLs in person is an option, though as with all online-to-real-life crossovers it comes with its own drawbacks, and people aren’t always who you believe them to be. But you’re not alone, it doesn’t do any harm, and people in other parts of your life don’t have to know.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, I just recently “crossed the line,” so to speak.  That sounds weird.  One day I was doing uber and wanted to buy pull-ups because I didn’t know how comfortable tab diapers are and I was far out of my town so I just went into a CVS and bought some at like dinner hour.  The kid behind the counter gave me the strangest look but I just acted like I did it all the time.  I went home and you know the rest of the story.  I live with a parent but have my own private space.  It’s generous enough in size.  This led to wanting to experiment more, like with tabbed diapers because I discovered they had a much higher absorbency.  I ordered some on Amazon, my account is my own and I have prime so I thought “what’s the big deal?” A. It’s illegal for someone else to open your mail B. I could just say they must have ended up at the wrong house?  That’s weak I know.  I just didn’t care anymore I guess.  I’m in my mid 30s.  I just thought well I could go on never trying this out like I want to, get caught by someone (worst case scenario) , or die without ever truly exploring everything I want to. No big deal 🤣. Back to my story.  My partner looked at my Amazon order history and saw like, several purchases for really nice ABDL diapers.  Most of them were rearz, and some generic stuff I wanted to try out like abena.  I’ve since tried the new XL size goodnites, and other brand pull-ups, some inserts, etc.  I feel like I’ve explored a lot on my own and trash day some days I am legitimately scared someone will discovered stuff in my trash before it’s picked up.  Or even after.  Like what do the trash men think when they are emptying the bags and there is a bunch of rolled up , nice looking ABDL nappys 🤣.  I go so far to call them nappys because it’s British and I don’t live anywhere near there.  If you’re going to do it, do it, it will feel so good.  But you could always get caught.  Make a lame excuse, or a smart one - or just be like yea I like doing that.  You could claim you have a nighttime leaking problem.  Do you take any prescription medications you could say may have caused prostate or blood pressure problems ?  I know there is a blood pressure medication called gaunfacine that can cause this.  It all ‘depends’ how far you’re willing to go and how much you want to be yourself.        
 

When my partner saw my Amazon history he asked me about it and at first I was like holy shit wtf.  Then he laughed and thought it was cute.  He teases me about it.  I guess everyone has something a little freaky or weird about themselves.  It could be worse, you could like feet.  🤣🤣. Not trying to pick on anyone.  But everyone does have their thing that satisfies them, just some people think it’s weird and others don’t.  It really boils down to, do you want to be “one of those” people who let’s it get to you .  Don’t be ashamed, you like what you like.  At first I told my partner that sometimes I wet the bed .  He thought that was cute.  Then he found out I just like it (I told him cause I felt like I should) and he still laughed and thought it was cute.  The people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind , don’t matter.  I saw that on some post card or something.  Have a good day!  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Another long time lurker here 😅, it took me a while to get over the guilt and shame using and wanting to use. There was many a time where I would just wear for an hour and then take them straight off. After a while I guess I felt more comfortable in myself that it was something I wanted to do for me, and as long as it not hurting someone else who cares. ( atleast that's always been opinion)

I got caught out by my partner (7+ years), it was something I was going to tell them but kept pushing back. I trust them with pretty much everything else and still don't know why I couldn't bring myself to tell them. However after a nervous laugh and alot of question and answers, they have been really supportive and sometimes even join in. However beyond that no one else knows, it something for me and I don't have to need to share it.

But I agree with nicetpmeetu7 if people really matter they won't care what you like. People are into heaps of different things and shouldn't be judged for it.

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Another luker that feels the need to chime in. 

I went through phases, of rejecting it and embracing it. That all changed when I struck out on my own where I didn't need to hide it when I wanted to engage in my kink. Since leaving home I have learned to accept it as part of. 

It's important to remember that while this kink is part of you it doesn't have to define you. This is also something that we can't exactly get rid of, it's just part of us. 

In broader thinking, this kink is pretty tame given alternatives and when you break it down to brass tacts it isn't all that strange. Plus what happens behind closed doors is none of anyone else's business so long as you are not hurting someone else or yourself in the process. 

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