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malefemale What's the word for incels who don't hate women but still can't meet anyone?


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So I want to specify with upmost clarification that I. DO. NOT. HATE. WOMEN. 

 

This post is intended for those men, and women, who are involuntarily celibate because they are unable to meet a partner whether due to them being physically unattractive, mentally ill, or in my case, a combination of the two, combined with a third factor, I simply have no idea what the fuck I am doing. So with that said, if this applies to you, please, join my chat and throw some ideas around. If this DOES NOT apply to you, and you are in fact a misogonyst who hates women and blames them for your lack of adequate sexual relationships, please do me a favor and get the actual fuck out of my post right now. I WILL NOT tolerate any female bashing here. 

So yea, that's it folks, what do you think? To recap, I simply have no luck in meeting women. I am celibate because I cannot meet them, I do not know how to talk to them or gain their interest, and it has made me a social outcast. So what is the term for someone who is unable to have sex due to inability to meet the opposite sex, but doesn't actually hate or blame the opposite sex? 

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I think most incels would describe themselves similar to you.  Most, I don't think, hate women.  There is a very vocal minority who loudly blame women/society for the reason they are't having sex, but

I don’t think we need a specific word for everything, that’s what fuels these warring “identity” groups in all walks of life. I’ve never had success in meeting anyone either, but I certainly don’

Gonna throw it out there that I blame Media, both traditional and social, for much of the reason that people in general (and yes, men in particular although you should NOT feel ashamed to be a man) ar

I call it unlucky… i mean honestly ive met many guys online who really kinda just want one thing, but some have genuinely always been close to me, but would never date me, if i go out in public dressed up trying to meet someone back in the days oh hell no, no guys wanted to talk to me, can’t find any interests, nor could i ever find one who thought i was genuinely pretty and liked the way i look, for me? Being slightly overweight (thats what my doctors tell me, i look more curvy) and having trichotillomania, guys didn’t care for personality with me, just that i was socially awkward and to them, ugly. 

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5 hours ago, Brittanybunny said:

Lo llamo desafortunado ... quiero decir, honestamente, he conocido a muchos tipos en línea que realmente solo quieren una cosa, pero algunos realmente siempre han estado cerca de mí, pero nunca saldrían conmigo, si salgo en público disfrazado tratando de encontrarme con alguien. en los días, oh, demonios, no, ningún chico quería hablar conmigo, no puedo encontrar ningún interés, ni podría encontrar a uno que pensara que era realmente bonita y que le gustaba la forma en que me veo, para mí. Tener un poco de sobrepeso (eso es lo que me dicen mis médicos, me veo más curvilínea) y tener tricotilomanía, a los chicos no les importaba la personalidad conmigo, solo que yo era socialmente incómodo y para ellos, feo. 

I .. I do find you very pretty and beautiful 🥺❤️

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I don’t think we need a specific word for everything, that’s what fuels these warring “identity” groups in all walks of life.

I’ve never had success in meeting anyone either, but I certainly don’t blame women for that. You can’t choose who you’re attracted to. Focus on things that make you happy - friends, family, interests, career, holidays, food and drink, and yes, kink activities as we discuss here… who knows, any one of those might lead you to someone special, but if not, it doesn’t have to be the be all and end all really. It’s just that parts of society tend to make it feel like it is.

Edited by nappypants (see edit history)
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17 hours ago, Brittanybunny said:

I call it unlucky… i mean honestly ive met many guys online who really kinda just want one thing, but some have genuinely always been close to me, but would never date me, if i go out in public dressed up trying to meet someone back in the days oh hell no, no guys wanted to talk to me, can’t find any interests, nor could i ever find one who thought i was genuinely pretty and liked the way i look, for me? Being slightly overweight (thats what my doctors tell me, i look more curvy) and having trichotillomania, guys didn’t care for personality with me, just that i was socially awkward and to them, ugly. 

I guess unlucky would be the best description for our situation then 😞 

9 hours ago, nappypants said:

I don’t think we need a specific word for everything, that’s what fuels these warring “identity” groups in all walks of life.

I’ve never had success in meeting anyone either, but I certainly don’t blame women for that. You can’t choose who you’re attracted to. Focus on things that make you happy - friends, family, interests, career, holidays, food and drink, and yes, kink activities as we discuss here… who knows, any one of those might lead you to someone special, but if not, it doesn’t have to be the be all and end all really. It’s just that parts of society tend to make it feel like it is.

You make a valid point, concepts like race, gender, sex, nationality, registered political affiliation, are entirely the reason this world is splitting apart at the seams. Maybe we don't need a word to describe the unfortunate souls who just simply lack luck in the romance department. 

 

As for shit that makes me happy, yea thats the thing dude, I have nothing. Family is family, but all that other stuff is just to go through the motions at this point. I'm pretty much fucked lmaoo. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/29/2021 at 9:17 PM, cumonerybody said:

So I want to specify with upmost clarification that I. DO. NOT. HATE. WOMEN. 

 

This post is intended for those men, and women, who are involuntarily celibate because they are unable to meet a partner whether due to them being physically unattractive, mentally ill, or in my case, a combination of the two, combined with a third factor, I simply have no idea what the fuck I am doing. So with that said, if this applies to you, please, join my chat and throw some ideas around. If this DOES NOT apply to you, and you are in fact a misogonyst who hates women and blames them for your lack of adequate sexual relationships, please do me a favor and get the actual fuck out of my post right now. I WILL NOT tolerate any female bashing here. 

So yea, that's it folks, what do you think? To recap, I simply have no luck in meeting women. I am celibate because I cannot meet them, I do not know how to talk to them or gain their interest, and it has made me a social outcast. So what is the term for someone who is unable to have sex due to inability to meet the opposite sex, but doesn't actually hate or blame the opposite sex? 

That is the definition of incel, a man who wants to find someone but can't.

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On 11/29/2021 at 2:17 PM, cumonerybody said:

So I want to specify with upmost clarification that I. DO. NOT. HATE. WOMEN. 

 

This post is intended for those men, and women, who are involuntarily celibate because they are unable to meet a partner whether due to them being physically unattractive, mentally ill, or in my case, a combination of the two, combined with a third factor, I simply have no idea what the fuck I am doing. So with that said, if this applies to you, please, join my chat and throw some ideas around. If this DOES NOT apply to you, and you are in fact a misogonyst who hates women and blames them for your lack of adequate sexual relationships, please do me a favor and get the actual fuck out of my post right now. I WILL NOT tolerate any female bashing here. 

So yea, that's it folks, what do you think? To recap, I simply have no luck in meeting women. I am celibate because I cannot meet them, I do not know how to talk to them or gain their interest, and it has made me a social outcast. So what is the term for someone who is unable to have sex due to inability to meet the opposite sex, but doesn't actually hate or blame the opposite sex? 

Technically, incel is still the proper term.  It just gets misused as a perjorative because of certain...actions that people who identified as such have committed.  It also tends to be used as an insult towards men far more often than women (with "femcel" being the female distaff counterpart).

As for me...I don't know where I stand on this, because on the one hand, I'd really like it if I could get laid, but on the other hand...no offense to you ladies, but I just don't find many of you all that interesting (then again, I find that most men don't have anything interesting to say either), and the ones I do find interesting unfortunately tend not to stay single for very long.

Edited by D0nt45k (see edit history)
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3 hours ago, D0nt45k said:

Technically, incel is still the proper term.  It just gets misused as a perjorative because of certain...actions that people who identified as such have committed.  It also tends to be used as an insult towards men far more often than women (with "femcel" being the female distaff counterpart).

As for me...I don't know where I stand on this, because on the one hand, I'd really like it if I could get laid, but on the other hand...no offense to you ladies, but I just don't find many of you all that interesting (then again, I find that most men don't have anything interesting to say either), and the ones I do find interesting unfortunately tend not to stay single for very long.

Isn't humanity just absolutely disappointing? 

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Well. I am a trans woman, and I'm pretty skittish, I've always been the femboy type, all and all... You guess the idea of the success.

Added to that, with the fact that I am a gurl, I'm also pansexual (would add I in predominance like people that are soft and switchy-subby like me), I always were, and I can remind when I was 10 speaking to myself like, "if a guy would like me I'll like him too." I were so cute... Anyhow I got stuck in my own head and cried a lot because I won't get any women by my side, or at least I thought that was true, now I have created myself a safezone. 🛡️

 

My safezone is pretty simple. If someone ever EVEN thinks they can "have better than me", I go away. Firstly I destroyed my "standards" and how I'm attracted to women, also a wonderful tomboy girl loved me in middle school so that helped me, now I pretty much know what I want in a relationship, to be cared for like a pet, like in a tradwife form, like a submissive little thing, the useless submissive babygirl that I am. Not harshly or forced at all, it turns me off instantly; but it is implied that I had no one else or chances with anyone than the person I'm dating. Or the person that is dating me. I'm her wife. She's my life saver. The nicest thing is that I'm the same for her. 😊

Having arms, all around me... I dream about it a lot. Rather they would be hairy or not, rather the person hugging me is tall, skinny, fat, or whatsoever. I don't care. I'm not a child now. That's what I feel when I am around other people. I have strong social anxiety to be not fully understood and misjudge, all and all... Everyone qualified me as overmature for my age, responsible and wise. Maybe I'm a keeper after all?

Maybe the people that are "women" around you don't deserve you. So don't seek for them. I mean... Maybe you're not seeking about the right people? When I was 10 a girl played with me. It was the first time one of them done. As soon as I got hurt, I changed. I thought "well if it doesn't work with women, then maybe I'm not made for women?" 😇

I know it sound crazy, but I'm at a point in my life that I don't even care. I won't seek for what I can have now. Ever. A pretty woman in my bed just because she's beautiful? Non non non, ahhh non mon ami, ça c'est clair! I don't wanna be the holder of my couple. Like some guys when they are with women they are the foundation, the house, and the roof in the relation. No!! Don't EVER give what you're not going to receive too. So now I think about... Who I can please? Who needs me? Who needs my love? Who needs my horny naughty butt? Answer is simple. Someone like me. And thats when I stopped to less seek for me but started to seek someone to help, that I found her, my actual girlfriend, her majesty My Whole Life, my precious sweetheart... 🙇‍♀️

It was so romantic. It was my 18 birthday, I already knew her, I was proud I could have a LGBT+ friend (she identifies as bi and was friendly with me transitioning) and we talked about all and nothing, just chilling, we were the most nerdy freaks or what ever society would put in a box for at my party so we stood together, we both stated that we're alone and it's gonna stand for ever, then I rambled about how I would give the world and its Moon to my love, if I ever could have one... She done same, and said she would actually like to date me. How sweet I am and all... She was really crushing on me.

I were on her too. And I meant all of that for her. We kissed, after VERY MUCH both collecting consent of the other, I really waited on her but she was shy as me, then now we are together...

for. ever. an. eternity. at least I won't ever leave her

Seek not to be just pleased. Seek to please in return. Find yourself in someone. Good luck. 👸🏽

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On 12/14/2021 at 6:35 PM, Sweetlilkitten said:

Well. I am a trans woman, and I'm pretty skittish, I've always been the femboy type, all and all... You guess the idea of the success.

Added to that, with the fact that I am a gurl, I'm also pansexual (would add I in predominance like people that are soft and switchy-subby like me), I always were, and I can remind when I was 10 speaking to myself like, "if a guy would like me I'll like him too." I were so cute... Anyhow I got stuck in my own head and cried a lot because I won't get any women by my side, or at least I thought that was true, now I have created myself a safezone. 🛡️

 

My safezone is pretty simple. If someone ever EVEN thinks they can "have better than me", I go away. Firstly I destroyed my "standards" and how I'm attracted to women, also a wonderful tomboy girl loved me in middle school so that helped me, now I pretty much know what I want in a relationship, to be cared for like a pet, like in a tradwife form, like a submissive little thing, the useless submissive babygirl that I am. Not harshly or forced at all, it turns me off instantly; but it is implied that I had no one else or chances with anyone than the person I'm dating. Or the person that is dating me. I'm her wife. She's my life saver. The nicest thing is that I'm the same for her. 😊

Having arms, all around me... I dream about it a lot. Rather they would be hairy or not, rather the person hugging me is tall, skinny, fat, or whatsoever. I don't care. I'm not a child now. That's what I feel when I am around other people. I have strong social anxiety to be not fully understood and misjudge, all and all... Everyone qualified me as overmature for my age, responsible and wise. Maybe I'm a keeper after all?

Maybe the people that are "women" around you don't deserve you. So don't seek for them. I mean... Maybe you're not seeking about the right people? When I was 10 a girl played with me. It was the first time one of them done. As soon as I got hurt, I changed. I thought "well if it doesn't work with women, then maybe I'm not made for women?" 😇

I know it sound crazy, but I'm at a point in my life that I don't even care. I won't seek for what I can have now. Ever. A pretty woman in my bed just because she's beautiful? Non non non, ahhh non mon ami, ça c'est clair! I don't wanna be the holder of my couple. Like some guys when they are with women they are the foundation, the house, and the roof in the relation. No!! Don't EVER give what you're not going to receive too. So now I think about... Who I can please? Who needs me? Who needs my love? Who needs my horny naughty butt? Answer is simple. Someone like me. And thats when I stopped to less seek for me but started to seek someone to help, that I found her, my actual girlfriend, her majesty My Whole Life, my precious sweetheart... 🙇‍♀️

It was so romantic. It was my 18 birthday, I already knew her, I was proud I could have a LGBT+ friend (she identifies as bi and was friendly with me transitioning) and we talked about all and nothing, just chilling, we were the most nerdy freaks or what ever society would put in a box for at my party so we stood together, we both stated that we're alone and it's gonna stand for ever, then I rambled about how I would give the world and its Moon to my love, if I ever could have one... She done same, and said she would actually like to date me. How sweet I am and all... She was really crushing on me.

I were on her too. And I meant all of that for her. We kissed, after VERY MUCH both collecting consent of the other, I really waited on her but she was shy as me, then now we are together...

for. ever. an. eternity. at least I won't ever leave her

Seek not to be just pleased. Seek to please in return. Find yourself in someone. Good luck. 👸🏽

I'ma be real, I had to read this over a few times and possibly had to google most of these terms you have used. I have a million and a half questions that sound way too insensitive in my head, so I'm just going to leave it up to my imagination. But I am glad you are happy and got with a partner you can be comfortable with. We all deserve that special someone. Anyway, with that said, I have to say, trying to find myself in someone is solid advise. Only problem is, how do I find a  girl whose mad cute and a video game loving Star Wars/Marvel obsessed numbers nerd such as myself? I live in a city of 8.5 million people, and it's like everyone just blends in to be the same...

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7 hours ago, cumonerybody said:

I'ma be real, I had to read this over a few times and possibly had to google most of these terms you have used. I have a million and a half questions that sound way too insensitive in my head, so I'm just going to leave it up to my imagination. But I am glad you are happy and got with a partner you can be comfortable with. We all deserve that special someone. Anyway, with that said, I have to say, trying to find myself in someone is solid advise. Only problem is, how do I find a  girl whose mad cute and a video game loving Star Wars/Marvel obsessed numbers nerd such as myself? I live in a city of 8.5 million people, and it's like everyone just blends in to be the same...

No it's okay, ask, personally I would like to answer how it feels and what I've done in the mess that I call my life 😂 Think about your question. Does it sound more of a genuine ask or something that looks just hurting? If you are not against dating a woman that would happen to be transgender, then you surely wouldn't try to hurt me, thats everything that matters. Everyone is clumsy sometimes, but personally I accept that people can do "errors" some times.

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On 12/16/2021 at 8:05 PM, cumonerybody said:

I'ma be real, I had to read this over a few times and possibly had to google most of these terms you have used. I have a million and a half questions that sound way too insensitive in my head, so I'm just going to leave it up to my imagination. But I am glad you are happy and got with a partner you can be comfortable with. We all deserve that special someone. Anyway, with that said, I have to say, trying to find myself in someone is solid advise. Only problem is, how do I find a  girl whose mad cute and a video game loving Star Wars/Marvel obsessed numbers nerd such as myself? I live in a city of 8.5 million people, and it's like everyone just blends in to be the same...

Hm, well, I'm not mad cute (I'm actually very unattractive, which is why I was reading this post, because I'm in a sort of similar boat), but I'm a female video-game lover and I like Star Wars and Marvel (not obsessed, haven't watched all the movies of either fandom, but I think they're both very cool), although I do hate mathematics. 

So it's definitely possible to find someone your taste, I'd say, if someone that just happens to be reading this post partly fits that criteria.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Technically, it is incel. But I definitely can relate. Whatever that bridge is that separates being a friend ( which I do well with) from a romantic partner, I lack the ability to cross it. It's not looks, it's not net worth (but high income might be helpful, which I don't have), and it's certainly not my fetish because no one outside this forum knows about it. It doesn't help that I live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to meet women (I'm a guy), let alone a woman who sees me as more than a friend.

I don't hate women, either. I do think our society has changed and that the single women out there are more hostile to being with a man and less willing to compromise to land one. Coming from a family that marries young, it's hard, and often I wonder what's wrong with me.

 

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On 11/29/2021 at 3:17 PM, cumonerybody said:

So I want to specify with upmost clarification that I. DO. NOT. HATE. WOMEN. 

 

This post is intended for those men, and women, who are involuntarily celibate because they are unable to meet a partner whether due to them being physically unattractive, mentally ill, or in my case, a combination of the two, combined with a third factor, I simply have no idea what the fuck I am doing. So with that said, if this applies to you, please, join my chat and throw some ideas around. If this DOES NOT apply to you, and you are in fact a misogonyst who hates women and blames them for your lack of adequate sexual relationships, please do me a favor and get the actual fuck out of my post right now. I WILL NOT tolerate any female bashing here. 

So yea, that's it folks, what do you think? To recap, I simply have no luck in meeting women. I am celibate because I cannot meet them, I do not know how to talk to them or gain their interest, and it has made me a social outcast. So what is the term for someone who is unable to have sex due to inability to meet the opposite sex, but doesn't actually hate or blame the opposite sex? 

Single guy here too. Been single my whole life (22 years old, ik Im still considered young) but it's okay. In the end, life isn't about diving head first into some cheeks and calling it a day. What about the next day? Are you going to up and leave for the next chick that offers a one night stand? Or do you want that ever lasting bond of a relationship that you'll both cherrish until the end of time? If the 2nd option is your eventual goal, you have to start by getting to know women on a base level. Try to just be cool with women you come across or work with. Don't focus on being in a relationship, and instead, make it more about a friendship between you two. This will help you build confidence, and even if it becomes nothing more than a friendship, you'll know how to gain the trust of one that might have romantic interest in you. Maybe you might even luck up and find one that has the same omo kink as you to fufill the deepest of your sexual desires! 🤣 But remember, you have to understand healthy friendships to be able to understand romantic ones. Who knows? It might not even be you that's the problem, but more so being at the right place at the right time. In the meantime you should go out and explore the world. Find a passion that suits you which will lift you up whenever those dark thoughts and doubts linger. You got this man, just give it time!

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I actually heard in a podcast that this was originally what incel meant on the forum it came from, Like it was genuinely chill people who were just sharing about their feelings, it was actually in a group created by a woman. then gross people took over both the forum and the word

When I was 20 I felt like I was never going to date or have sex because something just felt wrong with me and dating felt just difficult and confusing, and when I eventually got there it still felt bad because I was settling.

Learning I'm neurodivergent is honestly what helped me out of that the most, like learning there are many people like me, who communicate like me, and who would like me AND communicate that in a way I'd actually notice. Enough time among people like myself helped me feel good enough about myself to slowly settle less and less for what didn't feel good.

I'd say words for why I was different helped more than a word for the loneliness.

 

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Yeah, I think if it’s meant to happen it will do, if not, well there’s other things in life, despite the way society focuses on partnerships.

Personally, I never say never, but becomes less likely with every passing year… I don’t enjoy meeting new people and pretty much all the people I like and trust are people I’ve known either all my life or all of theirs. Very wary of meeting people via online channels, I did meet some fellow ABDLs in a non-sexual context some years ago, which was a positive experience at the time but things came to light later that made me realise it could have got me into a difficult situation, and has only made me even less inclined to trust anyone I meet online in real life.

Still have important people and passions in life beyond fetish though, and suppose pressure’s off in a way now I’m just about past the age where I could plausibly have a family with someone my own age… no great desire to take on anyone else’s!

As for TVGuy’s point 4… have considered it on many occasions but never had the nerve. Was concerned by the infection risk even before Covid came along, and also the possibility of being robbed or scammed or legal issues. So wouldn’t necessarily endorse it as a course of action but if you want to and can accept the various risks that come with it, fair enough.

Edited by nappypants (see edit history)
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  • 1 month later...
On 12/20/2021 at 2:05 AM, TVGuy said:

I think most incels would describe themselves similar to you.  Most, I don't think, hate women.  There is a very vocal minority who loudly blame women/society for the reason they are't having sex, but I don't think this is the majority of self described incels.

There are a few commonalities I have noticed with men who describe themselves as incels.  One, is the otherization of women.  When they speak about women, they tend to put them altogether into a group, or categories, instead of talking about specific women about individuals.  I do see a little bit of this in your post, in that you only refer to women as a group, with no mention of individuals.  In a way it is a little bit objectifying, especially when your ultimate goal seems to be to have sex.  Based on your post, there was no indication that you are interested in meeting women for anything else other than sex, which seems to be another common factor among incels.

Another common factor I have noticed among incels is that they have a high degree of certainty for the reason they aren't having sex.  They believe the reason is their looks, how much money they make, their job, the car they drive, where they live, or whatever.  They are absolutely convinced that this is why they aren't getting laid, and if these things could just be changed, then women would be having sex with them.

So, what do you do about this?

  1. Work on yourself.  Go see a therapist and work on your mental health and self image issues.  Work on improving yourself, and tackling your own internal obstacles that are getting in the way of relationships.
  2. Don't group all women together.  Every woman is a unique individual, with their own personality, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs.  Learn to see them as unique individuals first, not just an individual belonging to the category of woman.
  3. Forget about having sex as a goal.  Just work on meeting people and making friends.  If you can be friends with men, you can be friends with women the same way.  Friendship is its own reward, so try to just focus on building a network of friends and enjoying friendship for what it is, with no ulterior motives.  This will help improve your social skills and confidence, and can put you in a better position for some day finding a relationship.
  4. If your goal is really just to have sex, then hire a professional sex worker.

Great post. I find it very concerning that there are so many people on a sex fetish website who have never had sex, and often speak about women in a very distant and slightly dehumanising way as you noted. I would also say that the incel attitude itself is the main problem; few women want to be with someone who sulks bitterly at the world.

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On 3/23/2022 at 7:36 AM, Uniform Skirt said:

Great post. I find it very concerning that there are so many people on a sex fetish website who have never had sex, and often speak about women in a very distant and slightly dehumanising way as you noted. I would also say that the incel attitude itself is the main problem; few women want to be with someone who sulks bitterly at the world.

I've had sex before but I have never connected with a girl on a deeper emotional level and I'm worried that years of emotional detachment are fucking my brain up. Incel attitude is certainly a contributing attitude, but I try to differentiate myself from those Incels. I take care of my body, I eat healthy and workout regularly, and I am not against taking substances to unfuck myself mentally. This combination of drugs and physical fitness keeps my mind sharp and to keep a positive attitude. 

 

Like yesterday for example, I got rejected by a girl that I went on a date with Saturday. I was angry and depressed, not with her, but myself. Obviously something is off about me that these chicks keep rejecting me. Incels are so busy being mad at women they don't realize that the woman aint the issue, it's them. Woman aren't the reason I cannot find love, I myself am the reason I cannot be loved. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

As many before have said, incel is the correct term but it has been popularized to be almost worse then being called a nazi. Sure the women hating ones can go screw themselves. It has become to popularized to look down on incels and that is a group that need compassion not scorn. 

I am by definition an incel, me first and last relationship was confusing at the start and very brief when we actually vent for it, that was 10 years ago. Honestly I haven't been interested in that many women during these years even if I crushed mayorly on one 2 years ago, it vent south when her flirting was made in jest and thought I was also jesting. 
I don't think I am ugly, just not very pretty and I have gained way to much weight, but I have finally got my own place. 
My plan is to get a real job, work out a little so my mind and body get more healthy and then hope for the best. If you are healthy and happy then you are much more attractive. Be your best you , not for others but for you and happyness will most likely find you.

Sorry didn't mean to make this so selfcentric, apparently I needed to write of some feelings.   
Take care my friends! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Gonna throw it out there that I blame Media, both traditional and social, for much of the reason that people in general (and yes, men in particular although you should NOT feel ashamed to be a man) are so attached to romantic and sexual fulfillment. Folks frequently view it as something that is either owed to them, or as something that they are weird/wrong/""""concerning"""" for not having experienced.

Why does every protagonist have to have a love interest? Why don't we have reality shows where someone looks for love and fails? Why does it sometimes feel like everything is marketed for "your significant other" or "couples" or "families?" Why do your single friends seem to post less than those in relationships?

Part of the reason is that these are ingrained in culture due to the real need for procreation. Part of it is because the dominant religions in the west all promote monogamy & procreation as "the only way." Part of it is to sell things that are "for women," to men, by way of maintaining the patriarchy - which, by the way, doesn't even benefit the vast majority of Men anymore.

But none of it is to help people feel better about themselves, and for folks in situations like mine it makes us feel a lot worse. The amount of self-reflection and therapy I need to deal with the fact that it's been over 10 years since I've had sex and longer since it's been any good. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a 27 year old man who hasn't been made to orgasm by another person since he was 16. I know this to be factually true, but when you go on the internet and see people complaining about how they're so miserable after like... 90 days without sex, you start to wonder "wait if he can't take 90 what the hell am I doing after 3000." It really takes a toll.

I'm not sure where I was going with this so I'll leave a few key points:

1) To the Men who feel like nobody wants them, like they're never able to meet that elusive person that's both single and attractive , and like society doesn't care about this or think it's a problem: I care and I love you. This applies to people of all genders but I rarely see things appealing to all men in a positive way, so I want to single us out here. Some say "Men Are Trash," I say "Men Are Treasure."

2) If you self-identity as an incel, hang out in those spaces and make it a part of your personality, then you are making a choice. This calls the "involuntary" part of it in question and makes it something that is important to you, when it was at first something you very much did not want. Try your hardest not to think of yourself as an incel, but just as a single person who's been looking for a while.

3) For anyone out there that's really bothered by these feelings and doesn't know what to do: I encourage you to seek therapy. As far as I'm aware, you don't strictly need to have some sort of diagnosed mental illness to talk to a therapist. If you aren't able to seek therapy due to circumstances beyond your control, such as the place you live or an inability to get insurance, then I'm sorry and I still wish you the best & love you.

Kinda went off the rails here but Tl:Dr we are manipulated into feeling this way, read the bold

Edited by brothacheese
Correct phrasing (see edit history)
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@brothacheese

I think this is well said, whether you are male or female society does bring the idea into you that you're not supposed to be single, that you're supposed to be married and with children at a certain age. I was never really interested in marriage and children but I do admit that I am disappointed that I am a 38-year-old virgin who has never been in a romantic relationship. Although in my case I think it's because I am on the autism spectrum and have basically no social skills, nearly no contact face-to-face with people, have a minority sexual orientation and very specific and unusual sexual interests, am physically unimpressive and in poor heath, all of that pretty much has determined that I am going to be alone.


But yes it's true people do try to make you feel there is something wrong with you if you are single, I know my family and my parents always did, as they just see it as another thing that is wrong with me the fact that I am constantly alone all the time, which they view as unhealthy. I frequently got the comment how come I and all of the few friends I have are in their 30s and have never been in a relationship of any kind, it is considered to be rather abnormal, seeing as most people are married with children by their 30s.

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