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What's the Appeal of Humiliation?


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Other people have said this, but this thread is really fascinating. I’m not into public humiliation play (or pubic play of any kind), but I like exploring humiliation in my relationships, and through art/fiction. I think that having fun with humiliation has helped me to find it less scary, which in turn makes me feel better about my real embarrassing memories.

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I can say that this is my total wheelhouse I love public wetting and the humiliation associated with it. In fact I usually wet in public  And I know what everyone’s going to say “don’t involve ot

im in a weird spot where the possibility that public humiliation COULD happen is really hot because of the tension, but public humiliation ACTUALLY happening is too scary and a turn off lol

Fetishes often stem from actual traumas and anxieties, and provide an opportunity for a person to cope with those things by deriving some sort of pleasure from reliving them in different circumstances

13 hours ago, omorashi_jones said:

Other people have said this, but this thread is really fascinating. I’m not into public humiliation play (or pubic play of any kind), but I like exploring humiliation in my relationships, and through art/fiction. I think that having fun with humiliation has helped me to find it less scary, which in turn makes me feel better about my real embarrassing memories.

This is interesting, I´ve also been thinking along the lines that playing with humiliation could make it easier to cope with such real experiences.

Even if I do wet in public a lot, I´m not really after the humiliation then. I want to get away with it and stay cool. But in my imagination humiliation/embarrassment is a big part of my fetish. I love role-playing it with my partner or only with myself and my fantasies, and I also explore it when i write fiction. I don´t know where this fascination comes from, I´ve never had wetting accidents, but I´ve always had a hard time shaking the shame off when I´ve done something wrong, so it might be a way to meet these feelings in a safe controlled way. 

And does it work? I don´t know, but now when I end up in an embarrassing moment I think it´s actually a little bit easier. Like when a glass jar of tomato sauce slipped out of my hand in the supermarket, and it got smashed on the floor right in front of two guys. Not like I´was turned on by this, but i was totally fine with it in a way I´m not sure I would have been before.

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I love being sexually degraded and humiliated. I guess it's because of the fact that feeling inferior and good for nothing except being a toy, turns me on a lot. Public humiliation is a liiiittle bit iffy for me, I more so prefer if it were just a dominant partner and maybe a few of their friends. Either way, being laughed at and called disgusting.. just hits different you know?

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Most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen was a bloke about 30 queuing for the toilet at a race meeting and not quite making it in time. He never said anything but suddenly had a large wet streak, several inches wide, right down the entire length of one leg of his suit trousers. I’m not sure too many others noticed at the time, but when he came out of the toilet several minutes later, the state of his trousers was very, very obvious and lots of people were looking. Even now, several years later, I feel a sense of stomach-churning embarrassment when I remember what must have been a humiliating event for him.

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I really like exploring and breaking down the psychology of our fetishes.

Some like to do it all in private, others like to do it as openly / publicly as they can. Others like to walk the line by doing it in public but only where they know they can avoid attention. But they all like to do it on their own terms.

Humiliation is also a whole kink on its own and can be a driver in to all sorts of larger kinks.

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I haven't really thought too much about the psychology behind by humiliation kink, but I'm pretty sure Disney has something to do with it.

Growing up, many Disney movies had attratctive villainesses, like the evil queen from Snow White (IMO already the most beautiful of all, the mirror should get its eyes checked), and Cruella de Ville.
Both of them brought to quite humiliating ends, with the queen transforming herself into an old hag trying to kill SW rather than be content with what she had, and ultimately dying that way, and Cruella in the live action film (Glenn Close) ruining her already beautiful fur outfit by getting all messy with mud and manure.
There are many other examples too, and not just from Disney, as it was a quite common trope. I wouldn't be surprised if some writers and directors were inserting their own humiliation kinks into the media either.

Since then I've had a kink for beautiful well dressed women (the more elaborate the costume the better) being humiliated like that, but I only fantasize about witnessing it, not causing it. Preferably it should in some way be caused by their own hubris, and of course a bonus would be if it included my other kinks like omorashi and down jackets and such.

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On 11/7/2021 at 7:33 AM, PrincessPEEach said:

Thanks for sharing this. It was really insightful and interesting. I can absolutely empathize with the desire for vulnerability and protection aspect. That’s something I’d give anything to be able to incorporate through wetting.

I think your post highlighted that humiliation is really a personal perception/feeling, rather than a defined set of actions done to someone. I’ve always thought that when people say they enjoy ‘humiliation’ that meant they enjoy being verbally teased, degraded, made fun of….that kind of thing.  I guess I’ve been thinking of the ‘act’ of humiliating someone, rather than humiliation as a feeling people experience even in the absence of any teasing etc. Like embarrassment, but stronger I guess…

Thanks again for sharing. I love when my perceptions get altered like that. 

Little late to the response here, but...I just wanted to underline something. Humiliation, to me anyway, has always been a *positive* kink. It's about trust, not shame. There's a bit more going on with me as it relates to wetting, but at its root that's the thing. Pee/wetting is my biggest kink, but it's not my only kink ,that taps into that.

Thing is, I'm a Switch. Fully. I guarantee you we are real. And, when I tap into my dom side....it fully underlines what I said above. Sub/Dom play is all about trust, whether I'm peeing myself, or spanking someone with my belt. I actually don't think there is much difference in the experience between the top and the bottom when it comes to this.

That said, I've long tried to fully understand the peeing part of my sexuality. I'm not sure I will ever fully get there, to be honest. As I said in my OP, there is some regression fetish incorporated for me, for sure, which makes me a little uncomfortable, to be honest.

There's not much more to say beyond that other than to stress that an accident fetish, if focused on others, walks a fine line as it relates to being harmless and being something that could cause someone some legit harm. I hope that everyone here that shares my kink understands the need to never cross the line as it relates to folks that post content that is unaware of this community.  Never, ever, ever, ever...etc...engage, ok??

Edited by NotARealName1 (see edit history)
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As this whole thread has demonstrated, people wet in public with various motivations, often (but not always) with the intention or risk of humiliation. It has always seemed to me akin to a kind of masochism. However, I personally have no desire to suffer humiliation, nor do I like to see others humiliated. I hate seeing other people bullied or otherwise embarrassed in any way.

Now, sneakily deliberately wetting myself in public, safe in the knowledge that no one else will notice what I am doing, is a big turn on. Maybe, that is even odder than the desire to be humiliated. If no one else will be aware of your naughty actions, why is it any different than doing it  by yourself in private?

For me, deliberate wetting (bed, clothing, carpets, towels, etc.) in the company of someone else similarly excited by such activities is the ultimate turn on. I suspect I am in a minority here in feeling this way.

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  1. The adrenaline rush. Being embarrassed/humiliated causes an intense range of emotions -- heart pounding, adrenaline, etc -- and it can be a bit of a 'high' compared to vanilla sex or more common stuff.

This comment from the first page perfectly describes the attitude of my omo friend Pamela. She had a difficult childbirth with an episiotomy and her muscles down there were never the same again. Then she gained a lot of weight, adding more pressure to her bladder in difficult situations. She started having accidents. It didn't freak her out or anything, she has already been in a kinky fetish lifestyle for some years and is a home care nurse by profession, so she knows that some of her patients actually enjoy it. So when Pamela started to have accidents, she simply paid attention to the physical sensation and discovered that it felt very sexual to her, so she became an omo girl

But she still has genuine accidents, and has accidentally wet her pants in public four or five times, including one incident where springtime allergies hit her hard and she sneezed uncontrollably until she wet her pants at a crowded outdoor mall.

I saw her later that afternoon, and she talked about all these things -- the intensity of the shame, almost like a high, with heart pounding as she stared at the ground so as not to meet anyone's eyes in the crowded mall, feeling like she almost wanted to cry when she got to her car. Then, some hours later at home, she started to feel horny and sexual about it, again with pounding heart and high emotional intensity, thinking: "People say this isn't sexual, but with countless guys staring at my big wet butt, and the way the wetness made a visible panty line you could see from a long ways off, so knowing that every guy in the mall was thinking about my underwear, excuse me but in what way is this not sexual?"

She told me about all her feelings, including the ups and downs between shame and arousal. Talking about it made her so horny that she went into the bathroom in her underwear, sat on the toilet, and peed through her panties just to make herself (and me!) really horny.

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On 11/5/2021 at 3:00 PM, LupusCanis88 said:

I second this. From the women who like doing it in public, I heard that it is about the thrill of doing something naughty, breaking the rules and such. 

It's a huge adrenalin rush, sorta like riding a roller coaster. 

I'm not sure If humiliation factors into that  though...I rather believe that those are two separate drives for wetting. 

And to some people, humiliation is just a turn on...that would involve actually being seen, though.

I think you are on to something...some time ago I wrote about a girlfriend who got her kicks from wetting herself in front of people who didn't know that she was doing it...Like she would go to a town where she was unknown and walk up to strangers, ask them for directions to some place and all the while they were giving the directions, she was wetting her panties.  She would have been mortified if they had seen her wetting (she had marvellous control and could wet a small amount or just enough to wet her panties and a trickle down her leg).   Her kick was that they did not know....her control was doing it without them knowing....like pulling a 'con' trick on them...so the opposite to public humiliation...she was doing a potentially humiliating thing, but nobody knew.   This girl was also the one who showed me that she could wet anywhere that there was a patch of grass or if it had been raining and the ground was wet.....just by standing with her legs together and peeing straight down the inside of her legs...over her shoes onto grass......she demonstrated it to me one day...(in Winchester to be exact) and I honestly even though I was standing off looking directly at her legs, I could only tell because I knew she was peeing.....she said she had learned the trick as a young teen and used it ever since, when I started going p[laces with her I thought she had an iron bladder....but No the truth was very different.

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Explaining control versus loss of control and what's sexy about loss of control is difficult, even though it's self-explanatory for a lot of people.

 

If I imagine someone in complete rational control of their own sexual and romantic situation (and not in control of someone else's, by the way, just their own), like they've made an assessment of the potential losses and gains, make a checklist of the admirable traits of the potential partner, assessed all their vulnerabilities and either eliminated or minimized them and then determined that they were at an acceptably low level, and have a backout strategy in case they want to change their mind... it may be admirable but in and of itself that's not a sexy visualization.

Someone wanting something, craving it, so much that they can't control their response to it, and made vulnerable by their need for it, *that's* sexy. 

I don't want to be carefully selected and rewarded for my good personhood by someone dispensing sex as an approval mechanism.  I want someone to pine after my bod, to be wishing and craving the possibility before it actually happens, you know?

So the wetting thing is definitely about loss of control, and it's from childhood, from long before I had an adult's understanding of sex and sexual appetite, but the same body parts are involved and I had sexual feelings back then even though I didn't know what they were or what they meant yet.  Young children associate those body parts with pee, not with sex, even if they know how babies are made.  And young children are most likely to have wetting accidents, so it's something we occasionally see or experience when we're that age.  So it's all about the erotics of loss of control specifically *there*, specifically *that* body part, involuntary, and with vulnerability, can't hlep it, that's sexy. 

(I have no sexual response to seeing a gal deliberately lower her garments and pee in a toilet; deliberate wetting can be hot but mostly by pretending it isn't deliberate)

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On 11/7/2021 at 1:52 AM, NotARealName1 said:

in addition to the embarrassment there was also an element of emotional intimacy that was also part of the experience.  

Yes, I think that's a really underappreciated part of the appeal! Just like it can feel good to be able to share a secret you've been bottling up, it's comforting to be able to present yourself at your most vulnerable state and still be accepted.

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On 11/5/2021 at 5:02 PM, ControlFreak said:

Fetishes often stem from actual traumas and anxieties, and provide an opportunity for a person to cope with those things by deriving some sort of pleasure from reliving them in different circumstances.

Exactly. So I love reliving anxious and traumatic events in harmless, sexualized fashion. Pubic accidents ONLY with diapers--not like when I was younger and unprotected and everyone and anyone could see..,

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On 11/5/2021 at 5:02 PM, ControlFreak said:

Fetishes often stem from actual traumas and anxieties, and provide an opportunity for a person to cope with those things by deriving some sort of pleasure from reliving them in different circumstances.

Absolutely. Which is why I like to wet in public with a diaper--not like the actual traumas of the past, but a story with a good ending.

On 11/7/2021 at 4:52 AM, NotARealName1 said:

This is a big question. And, if I could answer it fully and definitively I'd probably do it in a PhD dissertation

I'd love to read that dissertation.

Edited by edhob (see edit history)
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For me I think it's more about the humiliation than actually wetting in public, although it's most likely going to happen there.

I think it's the start of my kinky fantasy, where as a male, I'm supposed to be strong-willed and be in control in situations. But, as my fantasy starts playing out in my mind, a female friend witnessing my desperation and eventual wetting triggers her naughty side, as this is secretly what she's into. While half-heartedly consoling me, she also teases me just enough to string me along. While I'm still in a buzzed state, she takes me back to her place to get "cleaned up", but not before she asserts more of her dominance on me (bondage, more wetting, and eventual penetration from her toys/strap-on). Of course, this is only a fantasy!

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  • 2 weeks later...

For me, I enjoy public wetting, but not for any humiliation reasons. I just like the idea that I'm being witnessed by people (more specifically by my friends). Something about it is just really exciting to me.

I only get embarrassed by it when I don't have a way to clean up a mess of piss I've made in public, which makes it less enjoyable for me. But my friends think it's funny when I'm flustered about it so there's at least a bit of an upside I guess.

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I've often wondered this myself. I love peeing in my pants but I don't really do it in public because it's not humiliation that I'm trying to experience. I think it just feels good to pee in my pants sometimes, not to mention I love seeing women do it too because I think they look rather cute when they do it. Humiliation really doesn't factor into it for me. I will admit though, I admire anyone brave enough to wet themselves in public. Makes me kinda feel like I wish I could do it and not care what anyone thinks of me for it. Come to think of it, if I ever decide to wet myself in public, that's what it'll be about. Making myself feel good and not caring what anyone else thinks.

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On 11/21/2021 at 6:39 AM, ssjammerz said:

I think it's the start of my kinky fantasy, where as a male, I'm supposed to be strong-willed and be in control in situations. But, as my fantasy starts playing out in my mind, a female friend witnessing my desperation and eventual wetting triggers her naughty side, as this is secretly what she's into. While half-heartedly consoling me, she also teases me just enough to string me along. While I'm still in a buzzed state, she takes me back to her place to get "cleaned up", but not before she asserts more of her dominance on me (bondage, more wetting, and eventual penetration from her toys/strap-on).

Not exactly my thing, but I can see the point.

Apart from anything else, how can I pretend to be a strong-willed and controlling male when I have just wet myself? Some other approach needed...

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First of all, I would say that we all might have different reasons to enjoy a wetting in public.

I'm not the most active wetter. If i would do more, i would need to do it much more at home. But it doesn't feel the same.

I'm turned on desperation, then wetting, as if it is an accident. Home alone, I know i can still go to the bathroom, and that i don't need to wait as much as possible. Even when i do it in public, there is still a bit of "on purpose wetting", even if i'm really desperate. But according to people who would see me, it can only be an accidental wetting. That helps me enjoy it much more.

 

Finally most of my public wetting ended nicely, because i don't get judged.

At least, Covid helps me play. Most public restrooms are closed. I might be really desperate, i wouldn't find a place to relief. So if i pee my pants, it might be because i couldn't never go and couldn't wait.

 

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  • 2 months later...

I know i am late to the party to respond to this but for me the fact that someone is looking at me and (for me specifically) laughing at me because i am wetting on myself is such a freeing but humiliating aspect that i like. The way that people recognize what i am doing and laughing at me....Its hard to explain just like everyone else who is happy to something....it's like asking why what "makes you happy" does.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I suppose I never realized that it was the humiliation aspect that turned me onto public wetting.  I’ve been doing it for years but my goal has always been to not get caught.  Yet it’s the excitement of potentially being seen wetting or with wet pants that keeps me doing it.  I’ve been seen plenty of times now and I always get excited when it happens and I feel so little and naughty like a child with wet pants.  There has also always been the desire to push it further the more I wet in public.  

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