Autistics' Thread

[caedar 109]

12 hours ago, sunbask said:

As for masturbation, I was doing it but not knowing what it was. Considering I would just rub against my hand/bear when I had to go, I'd just do it until I got that feeling, haha. I didn't consider that masturbating, as odd as that sounds.

Really? You'd never like, heard of the concept of masturbating and realize that's what you were doing? You didn't think there was anything sexual about it?

[40sleaker 93]

2 hours ago, caedar said:

Really? You'd never like, heard of the concept of masturbating and realize that's what you were doing? You didn't think there was anything sexual about it?

I get what she means. It isn't primarily sexual. It's something that feels nice, relaxing and shuts out the noise in your brain. You get into a routine of doing it, that amplifies the soothing nature of it. I did something similar. Didn't masterbate the "conventional" way until well into my 20s. 

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@40sleaker

"I get what she means. It isn't primarily sexual. It's something that feels nice, relaxing and shuts out the noise in your brain. You get into a routine of doing it, that amplifies the soothing nature of it. I did something similar. Didn't masterbate the "conventional" way until well into my 20s."

I think that this is actually true as it's well known that children regulate masturbate without necessarily knowing what it is that they are doing. It's only when you reach puberty do you start to realize that it sexual and I remember when I found out what it actually was that I had been doing all those years it was actually sort of a weird thing to think that I had been doing that!

[sunbask 22]

On 10/21/2023 at 12:16 AM, caedar said:

Really? You'd never like, heard of the concept of masturbating and realize that's what you were doing? You didn't think there was anything sexual about it?

 Not sure what your intent or tone is here. I'll be honest this question bothers me. It's the "You never heard of masturbating?" that's coming across as harsh for me. 

Clearly, no. I was raised in a high-control religion, and no I do not practice anymore. Mormons/LDS religion prohibits masturbation, watching sexual conent, mature themes, etc. It was usually PG movies played back to back in my home.

Also, autism. A lot of autistic women do not mature at the same rate as neurotypical women. I wasn't interested in kissing until I almost entered high school. I forced myself to like boys and have crushes. 

So yes, when I was a kid and would go to bed at night imagining a "scenario" while rubbing myself, no, I did not think it was sexual or masturbation. 

Edited October 23 by sunbask (see edit history)

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@sunbask

"Also, autism. A lot of autistic women do not mature at the same rate as neurotypical women. I wasn't interested in kissing until I almost entered high school. I forced myself to like boys and have crushes. 

So yes, when I was a kid and would go to bed at night imagining a "scenario" while rubbing myself, no, I did not think it was sexual or masturbation."

I was pretty much the same way as I use to masturbate to thoughts of myself desperate for a bathroom and that was before I knew anything about sexuality and it felt sort of awkward when I found out what I was actually doing and that there was actually a word for it.

But yeah I was definitely a huge late bloomer as in high school I wasn't even thinking about dating or anything along those lines, it was really only in my 20s after I got out of college that I started to explore my sexuality and now I am still a 39-year-old total virgin so no real experiences there. But yeah even showing interest I didn't really show interest until well into my 20s and all of my sexual fantasies never involve actual sexual intercourse, so until basically my 20s I largely felt I was pretty much asexual until I just realized I was a lesbian with very unusual turn ons for a few people shared which is probably why I didn't discover them until later. And even now my parents think it odd that most of my friends and I are in our 30s and are not married or never been romantically involved.

[LifeIsStrange 917]

On 10/16/2023 at 6:32 PM, TheLoneRanger said:

A cat makes a great pet, I would recommend a two year old rescue.

It will have enough intelligence to understand that you are trying to give it a happy home. It will be young enough to play with you, but it should also pick up on your moods.

 

But remember a pet is a commitment. Even an easy going cat needs love and attention. Have you got the time to divide yourself between work, studies, you, and a cat?

Yeah I personally don't like the idea of being responsible for a pet and much prefer being by myself, the idea of having to take care of someone else just stresses me out as it's more money down the drain and another mouth to feed and worry about. If you're already busy enough as it is I don't personally recommend getting a pet, the last thing you want to do is end up neglecting another living thing. I personally find it way more relaxing to be all by myself doing my hobbies then having to worry about taking care of a pet.

[Stanley79 615]

This thread has been one of the most helpful resource for dealing with autism during my retirement.  

Cat:  Coincidentally and barely able to care for one living creature, I've been considering a companion robot.

Of course I relate to most accounts posted n this thread.

For those who do not recognize the LoFi girl in my avatar image (not my creation), she's noted for:

1.  Usually keeping to herself, her laptop and her cat,

2.  Having collected a fair-sized personal library,

3.  Constantly reading and writing (presumably school assignments),

4.  Often including male interests in her surroundings (example-model aeroplane),

5.  Studying in coffee shops only during their low-traffic hours,

6.  Constantly sipping from her beverage mug, and

7.  Wearing the same cloths for weeks (which is normal for fictional characters).

The best to all.

 

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@Stanley79

"Cat:  Coincidentally and barely able to care for one living creature, I've been considering a companion robot."

Cats are easier to take care of than people including one's self. Cats you give them food and then they sleep the next 14 hours! That's the main jist of it.

"For those who do not recognize the LoFi girl in my avatar image (not my creation), she's noted for:

1.  Usually keeping to herself, her laptop and her cat,

2.  Having collected a fair-sized personal library,

3.  Constantly reading and writing (presumably school assignments),

4.  Often including male interests in her surroundings (example-model aeroplane),

5.  Studying in coffee shops only during their low-traffic hours,

6.  Constantly sipping from her beverage mug, and

7.  Wearing the same cloths for weeks (which is normal for fictional characters)."

Aside from the coffee shop that pretty much describes me perfectly.

[DelugeDenial 14]

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

There might be some truth to that as I was always obsessed with bodily functions and bathroom related matters and toilets and everything like that from a very young age before I came to sexual maturity.

Curious, do you know why that is? Is it because of specific experiences, like teachers not allowing you to go? Or just because of the taboo, perhaps?

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

I would rub my genitals between the stall dividers as a way of stimulating myself.

Between the... stall dividers? As in the walls dividing cubicles? Sorry I'm confused 😂

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

So I always sort of associated sexual pleasure with somehow feeling an urge to go to the bathroom and was always kind of obsessed with bodily functions and sensations like that before I ever started realizing it was a fetish.

Yeah me too I think. It's actually a bit difficult to figure out because it's a bit blurry, but I think when I first remember getting into this I couldn't care less about nudity or anything sexual, it just didn't do anything for me because it wasn't really a sexual thing. Anything bladder and holding related I was just fascinated by, though there was definitely already a preference I'd say even gender didn't even matter that much -- I think I mostly just gravitated towards female because the memories that I have where I felt the first clear signs of this "interest" involved girls (which makes sense as guys really don't show it as much, maybe because outward movements do very little to help us).

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

Honestly I was just never really into it and that was one of the first things that made me realize I was a lesbian. I had
never had the slightest desire to have a person inside of me or a penis inside of me. I would masturbate but again I would masturbate mostly to thoughts of having to go to the bathroom. But basically without the fetish involved it really doesn't do anything for me, there has to be embarrassing nudity, tickle torture or desperation as just regular sex and of itself probably wouldn't really excite me very much. But I never really fantasize about genital to genital contact or anything like that.

So would it be a fair assumption to say that your genitals provide a means for you to supplement the pleasure that fantasies (or maybe even real scenarios) give you with something physical to help you reach orgasm, but just the physical aspect alone doesn't do much?

I think I used to use masturbation as a form of emotional regulation, but I don't think it was a sexual thing for me in the beginning at all. Then the physical sensation of that and the fantasies surrounding this fetish met and became associated with each other. So I'm wonder if it may be similar for you. I wouldn't say I have no interest in penetrative sex, but I think that that is also more something I (forced myself to?) developed later because of societal expectations around masculinity and because I realised that it was realistically going to be either way society considers "normal sexuality" or eternal virginity for me (tbh back then I thought it was going to be that regardless 😂).

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

Most of my friends were boys, I wouldn't say that I was a tomboy necessarily but I was sort of an awkward nerd who was interested in things like science fiction which is a more typically masculine kind of interest I suppose.

Not going to get into it here in the interest of privacy but similar story for me. Gender roles had to be (and were) beaten into me by society.

On 10/19/2023 at 9:45 PM, DesperateJill said:

I think that there is some truth to that because I have always been interested in taboos. I've always been interested in things like embarrassing nudity and bodily functions and things that most people want to keep quiet about and that are supposed to be kept private. Somehow violating that sort of makes the situation exciting. But my big fetishes not just for embarrassing nudity, but it's actually for being the only one naked when other people are dressed because it's such an odd situation that you are never normally in and it makes you feel so out of place in the focus of attention and the intensity of that is where it becomes uncomfortable. Likewise being desperate when everybody else is getting to go to the bathroom, it's like there is something fundamentally a little bit taboo about that, where you are out of place and everybody is focusing attention on you in a way that feels really uncomfortable.

So the things that really turn you on are being naked when everyone else is clothed, and being desperate when everyone gets to relieve themselves?
Interesting. Is it because of the power imbalance, you think? Everyone gets to keep their bodies, or gets to be comfortable, while you are fully exposed or are forced to sit in your discomfort. Would you want people to tease you in these scenarios (either by laughing/pointing or by making it harder for you to hold it), or is it more about the awkwardness of the people around you not knowing how they should be acting either?

Hope you don't mind these questions btw, I find them interesting experiences also because I can somewhat relate to a lot of them.

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@DelugeDenial

"Curious, do you know why that is? Is it because of specific experiences, like teachers not allowing you to go? Or just because of the taboo, perhaps?"

I think it is just because I always went to the bathroom a lot when I was younger and I think I was always just fixated with bodily functions and sensations, again I don't know if that's just from being on the spectrum but I am very aware of bodily sensations and functions and everything of that nature.

"Between the... stall dividers? As in the walls dividing cubicles? Sorry I'm confused"

Yes, that is correct. I sort of rubbed between my legs humping the stall dividers, yes I was that strange lol.

"Yeah me too I think. It's actually a bit difficult to figure out because it's a bit blurry, but I think when I first remember getting into this I couldn't care less about nudity or anything sexual, it just didn't do anything for me because it wasn't really a sexual thing. Anything bladder and holding related I was just fascinated by, though there was definitely already a preference I'd say even gender didn't even matter that much -- I think I mostly just gravitated towards female because the memories that I have where I felt the first clear signs of this "interest" involved girls (which makes sense as guys really don't show it as much, maybe because outward movements do very little to help us)."

I think when I was younger I was very open about nudity and wasn't as shy as I am now it's only when it became sexual to I start to feel that way. But even at a young age I sort of had lots of purity and interest in things like nudity and bodily functions and things of that nature.

I was always interested in female desperation mostly because that's what I experience and because you really never see guys desperate. I can't really think of any significant time in which I have seen a guy desperate to pee even though I have been in plenty of situations where I have been desperate to pee.

"So would it be a fair assumption to say that your genitals provide a means for you to supplement the pleasure that fantasies (or maybe even real scenarios) give you with something physical to help you reach orgasm, but just the physical aspect alone doesn't do much?

I think I used to use masturbation as a form of emotional regulation, but I don't think it was a sexual thing for me in the beginning at all. Then the physical sensation of that and the fantasies surrounding this fetish met and became associated with each other. So I'm wonder if it may be similar for you. I wouldn't say I have no interest in penetrative sex, but I think that that is also more something I (forced myself to?) developed later because of societal expectations around masculinity and because I realised that it was realistically going to be either way society considers "normal sexuality" or eternal virginity for me (tbh back then I thought it was going to be that regardless 😂)."

I'd touch myself to thoughts of being desperate, didn't realize what it was I was doing until I was older. But yeah I'm more turned on by the mental aspects.

"Not going to get into it here in the interest of privacy but similar story for me. Gender roles had to be (and were) beaten into me by society."

Seems to be the case among the majority of people which is probably why it seems like people who are on the spectrum I read were something like six or seven times more likely to be LGBT, they don't fit into the gender norms that come natural to most people but with this personality type you have to be taught the things that people just seem to take for granted as instinctive.

I was never overly a tomboy or Butch or anything like that nor was I overly girly, although I think that when you don't fit gender stereotypes you tend to catch hell for it. But the main thing I got was the fact that I didn't really care all that much about my appearance, which is seen as like a cardinal sin for a woman. Like my mom wouldn't even leave the house for five minutes without getting dressed up just in case she ends up seeing a neighbor or something like that, where as I don't even bother getting dressed and less on leaving the house and then I get undressed the second I get home! Totally the opposite of my mom really even though we were both very close.

"So the things that really turn you on are being naked when everyone else is clothed, and being desperate when everyone gets to relieve themselves?
Interesting. Is it because of the power imbalance, you think? Everyone gets to keep their bodies, or gets to be comfortable, while you are fully exposed or are forced to sit in your discomfort. Would you want people to tease you in these scenarios (either by laughing/pointing or by making it harder for you to hold it), or is it more about the awkwardness of the people around you not knowing how they should be acting either?"

I mean there are some who would disagree but I've always felt that sex ed essence was about power and it all sexuality was sort of like a power play. So yes being the only one desperate or the only one naked or both simultaneously it's where you are uncomfortable and put in that sort of awkward position which makes you much more aware of your own nakedness for desperation by the fact that you stand out is different than everybody is taking interest in you and our interest with the physiology of your body and what's going on with your body in those situations. It's something that is normally very private that is now very public and very much something you can't hide and that makes a lot of sexual tension which is where I think the interest in the excitement comes from from me. The mental aspects are a lot more stronger than the physical aspects of it.

"Hope you don't mind these questions btw, I find them interesting experiences also because I can somewhat relate to a lot of them."

I don't mind at all, it's nice to see that there are so many people who can relate as these were things I always thought were unique to me and that nobody else did, probably because every time I do something it's constantly drilled into me by the people around me that I'm abnormal and I'm constantly being reminded of the fact that I am abnormal and that people don't approve.

 

[DelugeDenial 14]

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

Yes, that is correct. I sort of rubbed between my legs humping the stall dividers, yes I was that strange lol.

No, no, not what I meant, just language struggles. Don't worry, I don't think you're weirder than anyone else here including myself 😉

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

I was always interested in female desperation mostly because that's what I experience and because you really never see guys desperate. I can't really think of any significant time in which I have seen a guy desperate to pee even though I have been in plenty of situations where I have been desperate to pee.

Yeah, if it helps guys really do get desperate, I just feel like women have more options available to help them hold it at the cost of displaying their predicament to the outside world. On a somewhat related note, I was always a bit jealous that women could help themselves hold it by tightly crossing their legs, which because of the body parts I was born with is not an option for me. It's strange to say but I always felt like having that option available to me would make my own desperation more enjoyable because I definitely feel the urge to exert pressure on the area (because it would sort of reduce the unpleasant feeling that comes with a full bladder, and allow me to focus more on the pleasurable part of it? I'm not sure if this is true obviously but I'm just trying to describe the feeling/desire.) but I am unable to do so without hurting myself. But it's fair to say guys show less interesting/outward signs of being desperate, and often I'd even say the only way you'll notice is if they start leaking.

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

Seems to be the case among the majority of people which is probably why it seems like people who are on the spectrum I read were something like six or seven times more likely to be LGBT, they don't fit into the gender norms that come natural to most people but with this personality type you have to be taught the things that people just seem to take for granted as instinctive.

Yeah I've read that too. Supposedly queer communities are filled with autistic people, and thinking of how I struggled with gender roles/stereotypes as a child I think I can see why. Makes me wonder if I might've naturally gravitated towards that too if I'd been born and gone through the school system a decade later. I don't claim to be an expert on this so hope nobody is offended by this, but I wonder how much "nature vs nurture" plated a role in my development.

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

and then I get undressed the second I get home

"undressed" as in immediately put back on your casual/home clothes, because your "outside" clothes make you feel uncomfortable?

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

I mean there are some who would disagree but I've always felt that sex ed essence was about power and it all sexuality was sort of like a power play

I agree with you on that. It's one of those things where I suspect it's like a hidden rule of society that nobody is cognitively aware of and as such nobody will acknowledge. Whether autism or not, this feels relevant;

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

So yes being the only one desperate or the only one naked or both simultaneously it's where you are uncomfortable and put in that sort of awkward position which makes you much more aware of your own nakedness for desperation by the fact that you stand out is different than everybody is taking interest in you and our interest with the physiology of your body and what's going on with your body in those situations. It's something that is normally very private that is now very public and very much something you can't hide and that makes a lot of sexual tension which is where I think the interest in the excitement comes from from me. The mental aspects are a lot more stronger than the physical aspects of it.

I can't help but be curious about why those things in particular started to appeal to you, but as "strange" as I'm sure some people would consider this it also sounds like harmless fun and it's cool that you realise this about yourself 🙂

If you don't mind me asking, are these things you've ever consciously experimented with?

I also wonder because you mention a lot that you've been desperate while everyone around you got to go a lot in real life, and you seem to mostly indicate frustration about these events -- but do they also turn you on, or is there something that separates these situations from the fantasies you describe above?

On 11/6/2023 at 10:36 PM, DesperateJill said:

I don't mind at all, it's nice to see that there are so many people who can relate as these were things I always thought were unique to me and that nobody else did, probably because every time I do something it's constantly drilled into me by the people around me that I'm abnormal and I'm constantly being reminded of the fact that I am abnormal and that people don't approve.

There's the value in communities such as this one 🙂 We all have something that we share here and it's good to realise we're not alone, and that within that specific topic there's still a good amount of variety yet there's almost always someone who can relate to some extent.

I'm sorry you feel that way and that you've had a rough time with it. It's awful to feel like you have to choose between being yourself and being accepted, when really you're not doing anything unkind or immoral. People may generally mean well, but in the end are often driven by gut feelings that they do not understand nor control, and it's tough to find the right kind of people that don't make us feel like we constantly have to defend ourselves.

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@DelugeDenial

"No, no, not what I meant, just language struggles. Don't worry, I don't think you're weirder than anyone else here including myself"

No I genuinely feel I am, trust me the stuff that I post here isn't even anywhere in the realm of the weirder things about me. I mean really when it comes down to it needing to go to the bathroom is pretty mundane compared to the kind of stuff I write about under my own name. I mean in a group of people who would be considered weird I would certainly be the queen, trust me LOL. I mean if it's a contest I put the effort in!

""undressed" as in immediately put back on your casual/home clothes, because your "outside" clothes make you feel uncomfortable?"

Yes that was what I meant, I didn't mean naked!

"If you don't mind me asking, are these things you've ever consciously experimented with?

I also wonder because you mention a lot that you've been desperate while everyone around you got to go a lot in real life, and you seem to mostly indicate frustration about these events -- but do they also turn you on, or is there something that separates these situations from the fantasies you describe above?"

The frustration is a turn on yes, but other than naturally arising situations like this I have no real sexual experiences with others whatsoever.

[DelugeDenial 14]

On 11/14/2023 at 10:55 PM, DesperateJill said:

No I genuinely feel I am, trust me the stuff that I post here isn't even anywhere in the realm of the weirder things about me. I mean really when it comes down to it needing to go to the bathroom is pretty mundane compared to the kind of stuff I write about under my own name. I mean in a group of people who would be considered weird I would certainly be the queen, trust me LOL. I mean if it's a contest I put the effort in!

😂 if you want it to be a contest, go for it. but probably safe to say the group of people on here are some of the least likely to judge you for whatever it may be.

On 11/14/2023 at 10:55 PM, DesperateJill said:

Yes that was what I meant, I didn't mean naked!

Yeah that's what I thought. Obviously I don't know, but it does sound like one of the things that could point at ASD 🙂 Like how clothing tags drive me nuts.

On 11/14/2023 at 10:55 PM, DesperateJill said:

The frustration is a turn on yes, but other than naturally arising situations like this I have no real sexual experiences with others whatsoever.

So you enjoy (or maybe hate and enjoy) the situations when they happen, but it's not like you'd go out of your way to create them, basically? (i.e. skipping on bathroom breaks)

It's interesting, definitely makes me wonder if there is indeed a strong correlation between fetishes such as these and ASD. In particular the thing about specific sensations becoming sexual only when we realise society considers them to be sexual is something I've heard before.

[DesperateJill 3,572]

@DelugeDenial

"So you enjoy (or maybe hate and enjoy) the situations when they happen, but it's not like you'd go out of your way to create them, basically? (i.e. skipping on bathroom breaks)"

Yes I never put myself in situations like that intentionally, I don't take risks or chances like that.