Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Existing user? Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Sign Up

Recommended Posts

Good work on the descriptions of Emily peeing. The language makes it fun to read.

Not sur if you purposely called her Perry in paragraph 6, or if it's someone else, just a little confusion there.

Either way, solid exposition and use of descriptive language. Looking forward to more if you end up adding to this.

Link to post
13 hours ago, knockonthedoor said:

Some good ideas here, though the suicide talk at the start was a little off putting. Most of the dialogue is solid, and the descriptions are unique.

I’m sure chapter 2 will be great as well!

Yeah, I agree about the beginning. Actually, the whole story idea seems a little flat to me right now. Especially after your PM. Even though Fons Neptunia doesn’t entirely match everything I like, that cop story was bonkers! I feel like this is just a sleepy echo of that…

Edited by ashnacamon (see edit history)
Link to post
On 10/11/2021 at 11:55 PM, Catboy said:

Good work on the descriptions of Emily peeing. The language makes it fun to read.

Not sur if you purposely called her Perry in paragraph 6, or if it's someone else, just a little confusion there.

Either way, solid exposition and use of descriptive language. Looking forward to more if you end up adding to this.

thanks. I enjoyed it as well.

That was a mistake. Sorry. It’s the same girl.

I may or may not as mentioned, but thanks for the support.

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...