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Chapter 88:

 

Liam 

 

I dominate the conversation all the way to Tesco as I walk hand in hand with Megan. I tell her about living with my aunt and not seeing my mum for years and mum’s last call to me when she sounded drunk and she told me I had a sister I never knew anything about. It takes me a while, going on about how my mum took me on holiday to Spain when I was 14 and how she met a man there, and then how she talked on the phone to him non stop, then one day took me to my aunts and just left. It’s so easy to talk to Megan, and even though we keep walking she seems to be listening and that’s enough for me to offload so much that I haven’t shared with anyone else before. As we walk through the huge Tesco car park I am aware that I really need to pee but I’m mid conversation to Megan, she’s in a hurry to get back, and I’m just getting to the reason I needed to see her as I blurt out about the phone call earlier just as we go through the automatic doors at the foyer. 

 

“Then this afternoon this girl phones me saying her name is Leah and that she’s my long lost sister. I asked her where she got my number from and she said her mum’s phone. That’s when she says mum is in hospital and that she’s seriously ill. Apparently she’s waiting for a kidney transplant and Leah says the specialist told her that a close living relative is her best option. When Leah told the doctor she was mum’s only child that’s when mum whispered my name and Leah found my number in mum’s phone. I hardly even know my mum and haven’t got a clue about this Leah girl, so I don’t even know  what am I meant to do!”

 

I’m not entirely sure how I expect Megan to react but what she says is definitely not what I predicted at all! She pauses in the foyer, just by the second set of automatic doors, and looks right at me. 

 

“Jesus Christ, son of Mary! I’ve heard of cold calling but that really takes the biscuit. You’re telling me this strange Spanish girl calls you out the blue, tells you she’s your long lost sister or something and your mam is dying in hospital but everything will be fine we just need you to send us your kidney? You sure she didn’t ask for your bank details, your PIN number and your life savings while she was at it?’ 

 

I cross my legs tight as laughing suddenly increases my need to pee exponentially. Megan starts walking quickly through the store so I follow staggering behind her. 

 

“You’ve clearly never met my ex Lauren! She actually DID get my bank details, PIN number AND stole my full life savings…but that’s another story.”

 

 She stops in the juice aisle scanning for something while I steady myself leaning on the shelf behind me, the bottles of juice and water reminding me that I’m bursting for a piss right now. I really should go to the customer toilets in the store but Megan’s clearly in a rush and I don’t want to hold her up, and I absolutely don’t want her leaving without me just because I can’t hold my bladder! She picks up a big bottle of something and then she sets off briskly for the frozen food aisle. I follow behind her admiring her back, her beautiful bottom and her womanly figure. She’s one hell of a sexy woman to me in every single way. 

 

In the freezer aisle she goes straight to a certain freezer, slides it open and leans in. Watching her legging clad legs swinging as she leans over, and seeing her bum up in the air, sends my mind spiralling in directions I probably shouldn’t be going to in a public store as I listen to her lovely voice chatting away. 

 

“Liam you couldn’t hold this bottle of juice for me a moment could you? I never thought to get a basket when we came in.” 

 

I reach out and take the 2 litre bottle of Robinson’s double strength apple and blackcurrant from her with one hand as my other one is in my jeans pocket trying to press and squeeze my penis as I try to hold back the ocean in my bladder screaming for release. The thought of trying to keep holding all the way back to Megan’s and then back to my own flat seems utterly impossible right now. 

 

I’m either going to need to run into the gents here or hope Megan will let me use her bathroom somehow. I’ve definitely had far too much coffee today to make it back to my flat dry! 

 

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Chapter 89

 

Megan:

 

It doesn’t bother me that Liam is talking the whole way to Tesco. I love hearing his lovely English accent and his life story is fascinating, if somewhat hard to believe at times. Then just as I think it can’t get any weirder he tells me about some long lost sister in Spain and how she contacted him out the blue because his mam is dying and how she wants his kidney. It’s like something from a soap opera, or one of those tacky daytime TV shows, but even still after I jokingly respond I look at his face and feel like such a bitch that I head straight for the juice aisle feeling terrible. I’m about to apologise but then he goes on about some ex and I can barely think to find the juice I want. I hate thinking of him with anyone else. It makes me feel quite sick. 

 

I try to refocus on the reason I’m here, find the right juice and head quickly to the freezers for the ice cream. I know exactly what freezer I want but when I look in I can’t seem to see any Wall’s vanilla 1 litre tubs where they should be, and the bottle of juice keeps sliding out my hand!  I ask Liam to take the bottle for me as I try and reach as far in as I can, the cold air going right to my bladder making me suddenly really need the toilet. Stressed, and really needing to wee, I beg Liam to help me. Like the true gentleman he is he puts the bottle on the floor, puts one arm around me and leans in beside me with his other arm, our faces so close I can feel his breath on my cheek. His body shudders with the sudden cold air as I comment at how cold the freezer is.With his mouth just centimetres from mine he whispers seductively. 

 

“It’s making me really need to pee!” 

 

“Me too!” 

 

“What is it you’re looking for?”

 

I pause, the word ‘you’ right on the tip of my tongue as our eyes meet as our legs both squirm leaning over the freezer. Instead I smile and somehow manage to answer sensibly. 

 

“The Walls 1 litre vanilla. It’s always here. Please don’t say there’s none left?” 

 

Liam’s long arms move the tubs of raspberry ripple out of the way and he holds up an elusive tub of vanilla that I’ve been looking for. I could kiss him but he suddenly and abruptly  stands up and pushes his thighs together and the moment passes before it even happened. 

 

“Right, check out, now!” 

 

I bend down to pick up the juice and carry both items to the nearest self scan checkout so I can get back home quickly, not just to get dinner dished up but also to go to the loo! 

 

I squirm standing at the checkout as I scan both items and press to pay. I can’t help noticing Liam behind me out the corner of my eye as he moves from foot to foot and taps his hand against his thigh impatiently. I feed the 10 pound note dad gave me into the machine as I tap my foot waiting. The till spits the note right back out and I hear Liam muttering ‘fuck’ quietly under his breath. I know how he feels as I turn the note the other way around and feed it back in again. Again the machine spits it right back out at us and I can see Liam anxiously looking for a member of staff as I turn and mouth to him as I bend one leg in front of the other at the knee.

 

“I need to pee!” 

 

He mouths back “me too”, and it’s obvious he means it as I see him turn his body away from the glass walls of the supermarket to hold his crotch quickly. 

 

Not seeing any sign of any employees around Liam pulls the note out, flattens the corners and straightens it against the thigh of his jeans, leaning forwards as he does so, then pushes it back in a third time. Finally the checkout till accepts it, spits out my change and I unfold a plastic bag from my anorak pocket. 

 

Liam puts the items in the bag as I take the receipt and change and we head quickly out the store. Walking through the foyer Liam looks down at me asking discreetly if I want to use the toilets before we leave. I really really want to but I can’t risk being late back as dad is visiting mam tonight in hospital and can’t be late so I shake my head and we walk hand in hand back to mine with Liam carrying the bag of groceries for me. 

 

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Chapter 90:

 

Liam 

 

I suspect she might need to pee as I watch her legs moving while she bends over the freezer, but hearing her casually saying it while within kissing distance is so hot and incredible. My attraction to Megan increases every time I see her and as we head towards the checkouts and I watch her hips swaying, her bottom wiggling and her legs marching I have this awesome thought: with such a big family what would it be like doing a full weeks family shop with Megan Murphy while she needed to pee the entire way round? Just that thought makes my penis grow and swell, though annoyingly nowhere near enough to subside my serious need to pee. 

 

I’m delighted to see the checkouts are quiet as Megan goes straight to those ones you do yourself. I’m anticipating heading out the store within a minute or two but the damn machine doesn’t cooperate and keeps spitting the fucking money back out. God those checkouts drive me fucking nuts! I’m absolutely desperate now to get to the gents but watching Megan as she squirms is the epitome of hot and sexy and I try and focus on that as much as possible. I’m not expert in lip reading but even I know that she’s silently saying ‘I need to pee’, which is made even easier to interpret given how she’s squirming  around. I empathise with her but when the damn machine spits the note out a third time I actually find myself getting angry. I don’t have time for it’s fickleness and fussiness as I attempt to straighten to note enough to be acceptable. Thank God it works! I pack the items at supersonic speed and walk with Megan towards the door. Worrying I might not even manage to make it to Megan’s house on time I quietly suggest to Megan about using the customer toilets and I’m almost crying when she shrugs off my suggestion saying she’s in too much of a hurry.  

 

I’m scared to admit to her just how serious my need is as we walk out briskly towards the Bloomfield estate. Initially we are both quiet as I once again hold Megan’s hand as we walk. I’m acutely aware that coming here I very much dominated the conversation so I decide to talk to Megan about her own mum. I hope she doesn’t mind but I figure I’ve already told her about my ‘family’ anyway. 

 

“It’s weird don’t you think, both our mum’s being in hospital?  I hope your mum will be better and home soon. You must be missing her terribly?”

 

“Not as much as you might think. I don’t get along with my mam to tell you the truth and it’s my fault she’s in hospital to be honest. When I was born she got really ill. Post natal depression apparently. Never really got better and ended up spending much of my childhood in bed sick. Now they just refer to it as mental health issues but it’s quite strange, There’s times when mam appears really well, when she has a focus, a purpose, something to organise. She cooks, cleans, reads to the boys and gets up in time for them going to school and and all, but then for months she just shuts herself in her room alone, not washing, hardly eating and not even getting dressed. She’s tried all different medications but the minute she gets any side effects at all she just flushes them down the toilet! We have to keep her meds downstairs now for safety. 

 

On Wednesday morning she came downstairs looking awful. She told me she had a headache and she got herself a big bag of prescription medication from the kitchen cabinet. I should have stopped her Liam, but she’s so volatile and she shouted at me so I just let her have them. She went upstairs, took an overdose and tried to kill herself. I’ve no idea if or when she’ll get out of hospital”

 

“Fucking Hell Megan! I had no idea! I’m so sorry. Wednesday…you mean…”

 

“Yip. Just as we were downstairs having…you know…she was lying unconscious dying alone in her room! I should never have let her have that bag of meds. I should have checked on her sooner.”

 

“Oh my God…you absolutely can’t blame yourself Megan. You can’t. You never fed her the pills did you? You never made her take them? Thinking it’s your fault will only destroy you. I know that all too well. So is that why you had the little one, you know, at the church outside at the weekend? Your little sister?”

 

“Yes. I’m more of a mum to Yasmin than man is. Then there’s Rory, he’s 9, and Anthony, he’s 12. The rest are grown up now but dad works full time but he’s kind of he’s rubbish at the housework and shopping and cooking and stuff. Tries his best though. That’s why I need back for dinner. I’ve got it mostly ready but they need me to dish up and all that.”

 

We’re reached a main road to cross and the standing still is excruciatingly difficult. I can’t drop the bag so I’m forced to let go of Megan’s hand to hold myself. I hate doing it in public but thankfully it’s starting to get dark anyway, plus it’’s an emergency. I gotta piss so bad. 

 

“Sorry honey. I’m absolutely bursting!” 

 

I notice she’s dancing around waiting on the traffic to clear too.

 

‘It’s ok. I am too. I really regret not using the loos at Tesco so much. Not far to go now though thankfully.” 

 

We finally get across Belfast Road safely as I take her hand again as we get closer to Megan’s house. 

 

I can already predict what the answer might be but it’s such an emergency I have to ask anyway. 

 

“Megan, is there any way I could possibly use your toilet real quick? I honestly can’t hold this much longer.” 

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Chapter 91

 

Megan 

 

Waiting to cross Belfast Road is awful! I can’t stop jiggling about and moving because my urethra is throbbing and the tingling is tremendous. I really really should have done what Liam suggested and used the ladies at Tesco. A few minutes delay would have been so much better than this torture and stress. I’m just glad I am almost home but the guilt I feel when Liam asks to use my bathroom is terrible. I know he’s very desperate but with my younger brothers home, and dad, and possibly Theresa back now too, it’s just too big a risk. They’d ask too many questions which I just can’t face. I look at his puppy dog eyes as we reach my gate, his creased forehead, his worried expression, and I feel so horrible, so terrible and cowardly as I lower my head in shame. 

 

“I’m really sorry.” 

 

He nods and I hope he understands it’s not just me being cruel. I take the bag from him and rush down the path pushing  the front door open. Turning and glancing back at Liam standing with a hand clutching between his legs like a little boy I want to cry. My own legs are dancing as my body senses just how excruciatingly close it is to release as I force myself to close the door on my friend. Dumping the bag down and racing upstairs, taking them two at a time because I can feel my muscles weakening and my knickers getting damper by the moment, I look in horror at the closed bathroom door and for a split second I genuinely think I’m about to make a huge puddle!  I push the door gently and it opens as I bounce in with a hand between my legs frantically trying to avoid disgracing myself at the last hurdle.

 

I pull down my leggings and knickers and lean over the toilet, my urine pouring out so fast I don’t even get enough time to sit down properly first! I sit down while it’s still cascading out, breathing a huge sigh of release at just making it on time. I take deep breaths in and out, steadying my breathing and calming the adrenaline that’s been shooting through every facet of my body to help me hold back the torrent of urine that was inside my exhausted bladder. Releasing feels heavenly as I let the toilet take my full body weight as my bladder shrinks slowly as my body pushes out all my excess liquid. I look at my knickers amazed that they didn’t get any damper than they are as I check that my leggings remained dry. By some miracle they did as I suddenly wonder if the same can be said about Liam’s jeans? As wonderful as it is now is to be completely relaxed and almost empty I carry such a feeling of heavy guilt that I made someone I really care about keep holding when I could have possibly done something to help them. 

 

But just then I am reminded that it wasn’t as simple as that as dad shouts up from downstairs. 

 

“Is that you Megan? You missed a phone call while you were out. Oh and Yasmin keeps crying. I think she’s hungry. Is dinner almost ready?”

 

I wipe myself, still shaking at how close I came to having an accident. The paper glides and gleams over my skin as I look at it smiling, seeing it glittering in the light of the bathroom as strings of my mucus cover the little patterns on the paper. Watching Liam so desperate, being so utterly desperate myself, and squirming so long, have all turned me on so much I long to touch myself and revel in the feeling of being so wet and turned on. I close my eyes for a second praying silently to St Jude, the patron saint of desperate situations, that Liam somehow manages to hold back and make it against all the odds. As sexy and hot as he is bursting to go I hate to think of him feeling humiliated and upset. 

 

I can hear Yasmin crying louder now and the boys arguing in their room. I don’t have time to enjoy my body right now so I pull my clothing up, flush the toilet and wash my hands. I’m reminded of Father Reilly’s words of wisdom to me one day in confession about developing self control. 

 

“Just coming dad. I’ll be right down. Dinner will be just a few minutes!” 

 

I pick up the shopping bag, take the baby from dad’s arms, head to the kitchen while talking to her, and then strap her into her high chair. 

 

“Dad, can you shout the boys down please. Thanks.” 

 

I quickly cut up some salad and bread to have with the stew and I’m just dishing up the meal when Theresa arrives home.  She comes straight to the kitchen, washing her hands in the kitchen sink just as I go to pour everyone drinks. While we all sit and eat, and I help feed Yasmin when required, I can’t help but think of Liam. I slide a hand under the table to touch between my legs very aware that I’m still very very wet down there and wondering when I will get time some alone to deal with it. 

 

Privacy isn’t something the cramped Murphy household allows much of unfortunately and I wonder how much longer I can cope with that. It never used to be such a problem but since meeting Liam it’s becoming more of an urgent issue as each day passes. 

 

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Chapter 93:

 

Megan 

 

Over dinner Theresa updates us all on mam, having just got back from visiting her. As I listen to her sharing how it looks like mam might be moving out of intensive care soon and into a ward I watch my dad’s eyes fill with emotion. 

 

“Was she awake?” 

 

“When I held her hand and spoke to her she opened her eyes but she looked so empty inside.” Then she suddenly seems to remember that the boys are here too and adds, “but I’m sure that’s just the drugs they’ve put her on to help her rest and recover. I bet she’ll be sitting up in the ward talking in no time again.” 

 

Anthony takes a drink of his juice then looks towards his father earnestly. 

 

“Dad, can I visit mam sometime please? I’d really like to see her.”

 

Dad looks at Theresa then myself as if to gauge our reactions. I look at dad then back to Anthony thinking how mature he’s seemed recently and how he spoke to me the night mam was taken away about his guilt over how much mam did to make his first communion special. I nod and smile at dad while Theresa shrugs her shoulders undecidedly. 

 

“Maybe when she’s settled in the ward. I’ve made a rota for visiting but I guess if you haven’t got any homework one night later in the week, and your mam gets into a ward and is up to seeing you, then we’ll see what we can do. In the meantime the best thing you can do is to help with your brother and sister and keeping up with your school work. You know how proud that will make your mam.” 

 

No-one else says much as we finish the main course and all but dad have jelly and ice cream for pudding. As dad gathers the dishes together to wash up and I clean Yasmin and wipe her high chair I hear Theresa asking dad who is on the rota to visit mam tomorrow. 

 

“Shaun and myself are doing the morning then Aisling and Harrison the evening. Sunday morning it’s you, if that’s still ok, then I’m going alone in the evening. I spoke to our Iain earlier and he’s trying to get back early in the week if he can. Niamh is really caught up at university but said she’s thinking of us all and wants kept updated, of course. Iain mentioned she’s on a placement just now so she can’t really get away.” 

 

I pick Yasmin out of her high chair wondering, not for the first time, if I even belong in the Murphy family, but as Yasmin wraps her little arms around me and cuddles her head into my neck I don’t doubt that she utterly adores me and I feel exactly the same about her. 

 

Saturday morning Shaun arrives with Lilly shortly after we are all washed and finished breakfast. I’m just washing the breakfast dishes while Yasmin plays in her high chair watching me. For some reason I expect Lilly to leave with my dad and Shaun but when I turn around she’s sitting at the dining table talking to Yasmin and dad and Shaun appear to have left without her.

 

“I thought since it’s dry this morning we could take the kids to the park?” 

 

I have work later so hadn’t really planned to do much in the morning and I wasn’t expecting Lilly to be around either. I shrug not really sure what to think of it all. Just as I’m drying my hands I hear her telling my baby sister that she’s going out to the swings and slide to have fun with her brother’s. I guess my opinion and thoughts don’t really matter around here now, not that they ever seem to have before either. Like some overprotective nanny I mutter something about having to make sure Yasmin is wrapped up warm because of her heart condition but Lilly carries on chatting in baby talk to Yasmin regardless. 

 

“The boys might not want to go. Have you asked them?” I eventually blurt out to remind her somehow that I still exist. 

 

“Leave them to me. You get Yasmin ready but don’t put her buggy up. I was thinking the big new park by the retail park, you know the one with the zip slide and that big roundabout?  The one here is crap don’t you think?” I want to scream at her as I remember fondly Yasmin giggling as she went down the slide on my knee and I pushed her in the baby swing just yesterday morning at the so called ‘’crap park’ when she was upset at Lilly hoovering, but I do concede at least that for Rory and Ant it would be way too small and babyish.

 

Lilly disappears upstairs and comes back down with both boys behind her, Rory excitedly asking if he can really have a chocolate milkshake with his lunch. I’m guessing she bribed them with the promise of McDonald’s, something they only get once or twice a year as a special treat and a place Yasmin has never even been to. That’ll be uncle Shaun and aunt Lilly in the boys hero list once again then! 

 

I admit it is therapeutic hearing the boys laughing on the zip slide and getting to be boys once again as they challenge each other as to who can climb the highest on the spider web frame and who goes the fastest on the zip slide. Yasmin loves the swing, as always, and the slide on her aunt’s knee while Lilly hands me her phone to take copious photos of her with the boys and Yasmin like we’re some trophy to be won showing off her kindness. It’s tiresome, but as long as the kids are happy I tolerate it for their sakes. I just don’t want to be in the photos myself, but then Lilly doesn’t appear to want me in them anyway. 

 

As predicted the boys are thrilled at going to McDonald’s and Rory sucks on his treasured milkshake like it’s pure gold! Yasmin isn’t as sure about the fries and nuggets and I have to empty her milk into a bottle as she’s yet to master a straw. My own meal is only mildly warm but I’m hungry and eat it anyway. It’s while we are all eating that Lilly digs into her handbag and hands me a mobile phone, making a right show in front of my siblings like I’m some poor charity case she feels nothing but sympathy for. 

 

“Shaun said you don’t have one, you poor thing. We recently upgraded ours so I just set this up last night as a pay as you go for you. It’s on the 3 network so hope that’s ok? You do know how to work an iPhone Megan don’t you? I mean Shaun said you did but I just wanted to check.”

 

I want to slap her but I remember Father Reilly’s words to me in confession last week about self control so I smile and take the phone, grateful she didn’t want to photograph her giving that to me too! 

 

“Would you like another milkshake Rory? What about you Anthony? Or maybe an ice cream? Surely Yasmin can manage that herself at least?” 

 

I sigh,  imagining the mess a young toddler could make with a McFlurry with her fingers, as she thankfully walks away to order Rory another milkshake and some ice creams. I keep Yasmin’s pudding in my hands feeding her spoons of it whilst stealing a few spoons myself in between because it’s far to much for a 1 year old. Lilly watches on as I suddenly notice she only had a coffee the entire visit, but when she suggests perhaps going to the big toy shop before home I speak up finally saying I need to get back home for work. Rory looks disappointed but Anthony smiles at me. I assume he is happier going back home too. 

 

Back home Lilly sits on the sofa like the queen sending texts on her phone and  stroking her expensive clothing, her long legs stretched out and her feet crossed at the ankles showing off her very unpractical high heeled shoes. Thankfully once I settle Yasmin for a nap dad gets home and Lilly leaves with Shaun. I pop into the boys room, finding them both happily playing a racing game on their Xbox as I notice Rory fidgeting a lot on a bean bag. I’m tempted to tell him to go to the bathroom but don’t want to embarrass him so I just tell them that I’m off to work and that dad’s back home before getting my anorak and walking the mile and a half to the McGintley’s.

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Chapter 94:

 

Liam

 

Friday night feels so different. I’m not as consumed with my finances, the weird call from Spain earlier, or even the police case still hanging over me. Instead my thoughts are on much more pleasant things like Megan Murphy, seeing Gareth tomorrow and starting work full time on Monday. I sleep surprisingly well for me and wake up eager to make the most of a nice dry day. 

 

I tidy the flat and stick on the washing machine then take myself for a walk down the seafront.  I sit on some rocks down on the sand enjoying watching ferries and boats in the distance and birds hovering on the rocks and sea. It’s a far cry from my previous life back in England but so much happier and better in so many ways. When my stomach starts to rumble I walk back to my flat and make myself something to eat before showering and shaving ready to go out later with Gareth. 

 

Standing in just my underwear after my shower in my room I haul out what little clothing I have to choose from and try and decide what works best for a night out with my best mate. I actually wonder how much it would cost for aunt Ella to send over more of my clothes from England, or if it would be cheaper and easier to replace them. It’ll take me a few months to have any spare money what with being paid in arrears, paying off my credit card and now my bridging loan, but I open my wallet absentmindedly hoping by some magic I have miraculously got money like I used to have before working for the Bennett’s. Incredibly I’m shocked to actually see I have £70 as I remember aunt Ella sending me a tenner and Flavius giving me £60 the other day. I really ought to pay most of it into my credit card but on a whim I decide to put on whatever is nearest me on the bed and wander down the high street. £70 wouldn’t buy Lauren Bennet so much as a pair of socks but I’m sure I can find myself something from somewhere on the high street, hopefully. 

 

I walk along the all too familiar high street passing a butcher, a newsagents and a bakers. The next shop has clothing and other things in the window so I push the door open and look around. Even with the nice displays, the well organised racks and the back walls crammed with jigsaws, books and toys it’s very obvious nothing in the shop is brand new. My previous clothes shopping trips with Lauren involved large shopping centres, branded names and neatly folded displays you are afraid to even touch. Never before have I ventured into a charity shop, but then again before moving to Bangor I’d never been to a food bank either! 

 

I’m pleasantly surprised by the range of men’s items and even more delighted to find some chinos, a pair of joggers, a branded fitted t-shirt, a cap and a pair of lounge shorts all in my size. I’m waiting for the shock of the cost but actually laugh when the older larger well built woman behind the till says in a broad Irish accent. ‘That’s £10 dear’.  She bags my treasures and I pay, but just as I turn to leave I hear a voice that makes the very hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

 

“You’ll love it in here Chelsea. Mrs Clements will love meeting you too. Let’s see what we can find shall we?”

 

I stand with my mouth open in awe as Megan Murphy holds the door open while pushing a wheelchair in. Immediately I race to the door to assist her,  my mouth now locked in a huge grin and my body excited at just the glimpse of her body behind the child in the chair. Casually, as if bumping into me was the most normal thing in the world, she looks up at me, her face beaming as her eyes meet mine, as she continues pushing the chair through seamlessly commenting to the girl in it.

 

“Chelsea, this is my friend, Liam.” 

 

The girl’s arms wave about uncontrollably though she doesn’t say a word. I bend down as Megan turns the chair towards me and I instinctively put my hand out to shake the girl’s without thinking. Hoping it’s ok I touch the girl’s hand and say hi while Megan smiles at me. 

 

“It’s so good to see you again Liam!”

 

“You too! Is this the lovely girl you were telling me about that you have the privilege to take out?”

 

Megan smiles again, her cheeks flushed, her mouth turning in a way that melts me to putty. Her eyes sparkle and twinkle like the most beautiful star on a dark night. I want to hug her, kiss her, touch her…but she turns the wheelchair towards the shop and whispers “Better go. See you soon?”

 

I wink and whisper back ‘yes’ allowing my hand to gently rest on top of hers on the handle of the wheelchair reminding me of the moment in the church yard a week ago to the day when I did the same thing to help her push a buggy to the back of the church so she could pee on a bin bag I’d left there. I lift my hand off as she pushes the wheelchair away from me and I step out the charity shop, a quick final glance between us saying so much but yet never enough. 

 

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Chapter 95

 

Megan

 

I’m relieved to see Chelsea happier than the last time I saw her. Liz looks tired though and asks if she can talk to me when I bring Chelsea back. I must look scared because she immediately smiles and reassures me it’s nothing I have done and I’m not losing my job. I breath a huge sigh of relief then tell her my plans for the afternoon. Liz thinks it’s a brilliant idea and hands me £20.

 

Liz finds a warm blanket for the chair and I set off walking to the high street pushing my friend and employee in front, chatting away to her just like I do with Yasmin. I know exactly what shops to look in and start with my favourite: the heart foundation charity shop. One of the ladies from chapel volunteers there, ever since her husband died of a heart attack, and I often pop in to say hi when passing and she keeps any midi skirts or nice blouses my size aside for me too. 

 

It’s so much harder going anywhere with a wheelchair, much harder than a child’s pushchair, and especially so with Chelsea as her dystonia makes her limbs spasm and jerk at angles she can’t control. On the walk outside with no-one around it’s not an issue but suddenly on the high street on a busy Saturday afternoon I’m very aware of the lack of space and courtesy  people give. Pushing the door to the charity shop open I try to protect Chelsea’s arms by standing against the door as I do my best to push the chair inside. Just as I’m struggling and chatting to Chelsea I feel the door go lighter behind me and realise someone is holding it open for me. I step back behind the chair to push it in as I turn and look up at the gentleman holding the door. 

 

God, It’s Liam! As gorgeous, sexy and handsome as ever! Our eyes meet as my heart misses a beat. Desire, excitement and passion fill my mind as I try to put them aside and concentrate on Chelsea and why I am here. As if to refocus myself, and distract myself from the aura that .Liam radiates whenever I see him, I introduce Chelsea to him to somehow justify my lengthy pause and ogling eyes. I’m used to people staring at my sister, and sadly even more so at Chelsea, and accustomed to many people ignoring Chelsea and just talking to me, so when Liam looks at and talks directly to Chelsea to say hi my heart is deeply touched. His childlike innocence at going to shake her hand amuses me though but when he reaches to touch her hand and Chelsea beams I can’t help grinning too. 

 

Liam takes my breath away and getting just a small whiff of his scent sends my body into overdrive. With real emotion and feeling I look at him and tell him genuinely how good it is to see him. It’s only been 24 hours since we last parted but the unexpected meeting has surprised me and thrilled me, helping me forget all about my belittling sister in law from earlier. I can feel myself getting carried away with desire and longing as I look right into Liam’s seductive and sexy eyes, but a jerk and noise from Chelsea brings me right back down to earth with a bang. I’m at work right now and regardless how much I fancy a man I’ve just bumped into unplanned I can’t allow my lack of self control to take over me. I force myself to turn away but I can’t resist saying I hope we meet again. It’s more than a hope though as I will move heaven and earth with my bear hands just to get to see Liam Jude again soon! 

 

His gentle touch on my hand as we part leaves my legs like jelly and I’m glad to hold the arms of the wheelchair to steady me. As I hear the door close I pause to calm myself before refocusing back to the task at hand: finding a selection of different materials to make a sensory box for Chelsea. I guide the chair towards the baby clothes and blankets and, together with Mrs Clements help, we find a good selection of shiny, sparkly, soft, crinkly, cuddly, rough and colourful materials ranging from scarfs, baby clothes, skirts, shirts and even a reversible sequence logo on a child’s t-shirt. Chelsea has a wonderful time feeling and exploring everything and Mrs Clements even finds a lovely box that was donated and helps me pack it all into a bag. She adds in a baby rattle and a Barbie doll when she thinks I’m not looking and refuses to take more than £10 for everything. Chelsea giggles and shakes her legs in excitement as Mrs Clements holds the door open to help us out. 

 

We pop into another few shops before I stroll back to Chelsea’s house with her hoping Liz will let me stay long enough to cut the clothes and put everything in the box. Liz is looking out for us and helps me in with all our purchases as she jokes to her daughter lightheartedly about spending all her money. I explain about what we have found and ask if it’s ok to stay for about 15 minutes or so to cut everything up. Liz makes me a tea and as I sit at the kitchen table with Chelsea and Liz cutting up material and putting it into the box while drinking tea Liz tells me what’s troubling her. Despite my home situation I agree to try to help. I explain I will need to make sure someone can help with my baby sister but otherwise if it will put her mind at rest and make Chelsea happier then it’s the least I can do. 

 

I leave when my tea is finished and the box complete, to Chelsea’s utter delight, and I’m waved goodbye from a much relieved Liz and Chelsea in her walking frame smiling and flapping some of the material in her hand delightedly. 


 

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Chapter 97:

 

Megan

 

Getting back from work in the dark I hear Yasmin crying before I even get in the door. The car isn’t outside so I assume dad or Theresa have popped out but I can see the boy’s  bedroom light on upstairs. I come in and hang my coat up then find Theresa pacing the living room with Yasmin in her arms. 

 

“Has she been crying long?” 

 

I put my arms out to take my sister checking she isn’t running a temperature or anything then hold her tight. She doesn’t seem to smell or anything but I do notice she’s still in the clothes she had on when I left. 

 

“Has she had any dinner? She didn’t eat much at lunch. Lilly took us to McDonald’s and she’s never had that before.” 

 

“She’s just been so upset for the last hour I haven’t had a chance to make anything. The boys never said anything. She’s just been so unsettled.” 

 

“Where’s dad?” 

 

“He’s gone to evening mass. I told him I’d be fine here.”

 

I walk to the kitchen with Yasmin in my arms looking in the fridge to see what I can make Yasmin and everyone else to eat. I snap a yogurt and get a teaspoon from the drawer. Not bothering to put Yasmin in her chair I just sit her on my knee at the table as I spoon feed her some yoghurt and ask Theresa to heat her some milk. Theresa stands in front of the microwave talking after she puts some milk in a bottle to warm as Yasmin slowly begins to settle and stop crying. 

 

“I’m sorry Meg. I never thought she might just be hungry. You and mam just seem to know what she wants. I did change her though but I wasn’t sure what was even happening for tea to be honest.”

 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Theresa. You’ve already done a shift at work so how were you to know? No harm done. Pass me her bottle will you. If you look in the freezer I think there’s some frozen pizza. I’m sure the boys will be delighted if we cook those. I think I’ll just make some baby food for Yasmin because she’ll have tired herself out with crying and struggle to chew pizza. I take it you don’t know when she woke from her nap at all?” 

 

Theresa carries on chatting while she hands me the bottle for Yasmin and opens the freezer to get the pizzas. “Rory will love you forever giving him pizza especially after McDonald’s today. He’ll be thinking it’s his birthday! Yasmin was awake upstairs crying when I came in about 2:30. I don’t think dad heard her as he was on the phone. She settled for a bit when I brought her down but then she just started crying soon after dad left.” 

 

Yasmin sits in my arms holding her own bottle drinking the warm milk, her tired tear filled eyes looking right at me. I look down at her and use my index finger to wipe her damp cheek. 

 

“I think there’s just too much change for her. Poor baby. So much getting passed between people and seeing so many faces. Plus she was obviously hungry too.” 

 

Theresa puts the pizzas in to cook looking much more relaxed. 

 

‘You want a cuppa Meg? I’m gasping for a tea now Yasmin’s more settled.” 

 

“Yes please.” 

 

I feed Yasmin her dinner allowing her just to stay on my lap for comfort. Theresa sits at the table with me while we drink coffee and chat until the pizzas are ready. The boys are thrilled to see pizza and Anthony happily makes a drink for himself and his younger brother. Rory is full of news of his morning, telling his older sister, Theresa, all about the zip slide, huge climbing frame and his trip with his aunt to .McDonald’s. Theresa chats away and Anthony, though quieter, joins in a bit, though he makes sure to ask Theresa if there’s any more news on mam. I’m impressed at how Theresa answers stressing how the hospital is doing all they can to make mam better and she should be moving into a ward soon meaning they can make her cards to have by her bed. Both boys seem happy to hear this as I notice Yasmin is now half asleep in my arms, no doubt exhausted from all her earlier crying. 

 

Anthony offers to help clear up, nudging his brother to help too, so I leave them to it to get Yasmin into her baby-grow for bed before she falls into too deep a sleep in my arms. I’m tired myself and feeling quite sentimental thinking back to bumping into Liam unexpectedly earlier. I’d love nothing more than to be snuggled into his soft chest wrapped in his arms right now like Yasmin is in mine. I carry Yasmin upstairs while she’s still awake hoping she might fall asleep in her cot herself. As I pass the room I share with my sister the door is open as always and I see the phone Lilly gave me earlier sitting where I left it before I left for work. I hadn’t time time to check it before I had to go but I pick it up on my way to my parent’s room as I settle Yasmin in her cot awake and sit on the edge of the double bed watching her as I set up the phone and install some apps. 

 

Yasmin happily makes contented noises and plays with her fingers and watches her mobile turning as I log into Facebook and notice I have a friend request pending. My heart jumps when I see the name and I press accept immediately. Then I have a sudden thought and I race to my room, grabbing the notes Liam wrote me from under my pillow as I type in his number and text him two words that I hope make him smile. 

 

‘Guess who?’

 

I wonder if he realises it’s me? I can’t stop smiling thinking of him and recalling the times we’ve had together. He’s the sexiest, most gorgeous, most amazing man ever and when he texts back I can’t help using an emoji to show him how I feel. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m being too forward or over the top. There’s a short moment before I get a reply, but when I do I hold my phone in both hands staring reading the text over and over. 

 

No-one ever calls me beautiful. No-one that is except Liam Jude. 

 

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Chapter 99

 

Megan

 

Harrison calls to say that mam wasn’t really up to talking tonight when he visited but she did smile a bit when Aisling talked about anything to do with the baby. She’s hopefully being moved to a ward on Monday as soon as a bed is available in the psychiatric wing. She’s still hooked up to loads of stuff and still very unwell and still being fed via a drip as she’s refusing to eat or drink. Dad returns from chapel and I make him some macaroni cheese on toast. He doesn’t say much and after the others go to bed he slumps on the armchair watching a documentary on TV. I opt to sit with him to make sure he’s ok but also because I really hope he might go to bed soon too and let me have some late night privacy. 

 

Ever since getting the Facebook friend request from Liam earlier and then his text calling me beautiful I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s so frustrating not being able to text him or message him because he’s out with his friend. I wish more than anything that it was me out with him instead of being stuck at home with dad and my siblings. I make myself a mug of tea and I’m 3 quarters of the way through it when I get a text. My heart jumps as I reply back trying to imagine Liam in a pub laughing and joking with his friend. When he tells me how he’s needing to pee and suggests he could hold it until I allow him to go I squirm on the couch with excitement. I seriously need dad to go to bed because I can feel myself getting more and more turned on by the second. 

 

Ten excruciatingly long minutes pass before Liam texts again. This time it’s a photo of his empty pint glass with words under it saying, ‘My 2nd one tonight. Be kind lol.’ I smile, imagining all that liquid inside his bladder and wondering if Liam is hiding the fact he needs to pee from his friend or if there’s any signs. I remember Iain telling me once how alcohol affects the brain and body and heightens and dulls sensations all at the same time. I wonder if it’s heightening Liam’s need or dulling it, fooling him into not realising just how bad it really is? I text him back with a teasing, ‘Maybe I’ll be a good kind Catholic girl tonight…or maybe I won’t…’

 

He replies with ‘G just ordered me a soda water and lime. Need to dilute the alcohol, miss you sweetheart xxx’

 

Dad is lightly snoring so I switch the TV off and gently go over to him. The last thing I need is dad falling asleep downstairs leaving me with nowhere private at all. 

 

“Dad? Dad? The programme is finished now.”

 

He shakes his head as he comes round and I say, lying, that I’m heading to bed and he should too. He looks down at his clothing looking a bit bewildered to perhaps see his suit and tie still on. I whisper to him to remind him of the fact he was at mass earlier. A look of recognition comes over him and I help him up out the chair as I watch him head upstairs to bed. I hear him going into the bathroom and I slip quietly back into the living room, turning off the main light and sitting in just the light of a small lamp. I turn the volume of my phone right down and sit up on the couch with my legs up on the cushions. Just as I get comfortable I have an idea and I go into the kitchen to fill two tall tumblers with cold water as I take them both in with me and get back into position on the couch. 

 

I hear dad flushing the toilet and going to bed and I pray no-one else wakes up as I plug a charger into my phone and read the short text conversation so far, my excitement building quickly. I’m, as yet, undecided how I want things to end with Liam tonight but having control of when he gets to pee makes me so wet and ready that I slip a hand between my legs in anticipation. 

 

I’m so eager for things to move on that I text Liam before waiting on a reply from him. 

 

“How’s things going? You wanting to go anywhere perhaps? Xx”

 

My text has barely sent when I get a reply right back.

 

“Yes! Had to pee since G went ages ago! Soda and lime almost finished. G thinking of going for a curry. All I want to go for is a piss 😝

 

“Curry + drink sounds great. Piss is a no! 😘. Wish I could see you squirming!”

 

I don’t know how he manages to do it without Gareth seeing but somehow he must as the next thing I get is a photo clearly taken from under a table of Liam’s crossed legs with a hand resting tightly on his upper thigh. I stare at the imagine in awe, my nighty pulled up and my hand over my pants imagining being with Liam and thinking how he must feel with two pints of beer in his bladder plus a full glass of soda water and lime. I decide to see if I can get a taster of what he might be experiencing as I drink one of the glasses of water  beside me as quickly as I can manage. I let Liam wait for my reply a few minutes before texting back. 

 

“Looks like it’s building nicely. Lovely!” 

 

It’s another few minutes before I get anything again but I’m so loving his last photo I am just staring at it while touching myself. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating with another text. 

 

“Outside a Chinese takeaway getting curries. I gotta go bad. Really bad!”

 

I slip my hand inside my underwear revelling in the squelching and warmth of my own vagina as each text turns me on more and more. It’s hard to text back as I don’t want to stop what I am doing, but I also long to hear more from Liam so much! 

 

“Not time yet. Where are you going to eat it? Hope you bought a drink too? 😘

 

“Heading back to mine. Please please may I use my loo? Really really desperate baby!”

 

“Best eat your curry first before it goes cold. Enjoy…I am ☺️

 

10 minutes later he sends me a blurry pic of his curry and chips in a polystyrene box with what looks like a can of cola beside it sat on a table. After the pic are the words ‘At mine. Can’t sit still. G just asked if I gotta piss. Told him I don’t want curry to get cold like you said. Please let me go after this!  I’m bursting!’ 

 

The word ‘bursting’ jumps out at me as I twirl and stroke my enlarged clit and explore between my legs as I get wetter and wetter and warmer and warmer as I not only find myself getting incredibly hornier by the minute but also feeling a strong need to use my own bathroom too. The combination just heightens my desires even more as I wonder just how far I can take Liam and just how long I can hold back myself.

 

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Chapter 101

 

Megan

 

Alone in my own living room I feel somewhat safe as I lie playing and enjoying my own body as I think of Liam and all he has been drinking and how he still hasn’t been to the toilet yet. His text updates thrill me knowing I have full control of when he gets to release the huge pressure inside him. I image it all as sexual fore play, his increasing desire to urinate akin to my increasing desire to climax, his urgency in harmony with mine. I’m edging closer and closer to that place of no return in my body where I know I will lose complete control of my whole being and when I will finally allow my lover to release his physical tension as I release my sexual tension, our bodies climaxing in different ways but simultaneously in complete harmony. 

 

That was my plan right up until my mobile started vibrating in my hand, startling and shaking my whole body, the voice on the other end making me shiver with sexual excitement. 

 

“Hi, my beautiful.”

 

“Hey! Has your friend left?” 

 

“He’s just calling a cab. The thing is…well…God Megan…I….fuck I need to just tell you! I want you so much right now. I am besotted with you, my darling, obsessed with you, absolutely crazy about you…love heart eyes emoji for you…and God right now my body longs for you so badly I could burst…if you want to…and only if you want to, my beautiful…well Gareth said I could get his cab to come get you, bring you back here, where we can be together all night. God how badly I want that baby. I’m shaking here just at the thought…what do you think?”

 

“Oh Liam! You have no idea how much I long for you right now in ways I never even knew possible! You mean be together all night? Seriosly? I would need to get back here before anyone knew though, before any of them wake…but…oh I long for you so much. But good grief I’m lying here in just my nighty honey! Have I got time to get dressed? What if someone hears me? Oh Liam I do want to be with you though…really I do.”

 

“You got a coat handy? Slippers? Just come as you are. I couldn’t fucking care if you were in a fucking elephant onesie right now I just want you so much!  Gareth has just signalled that the cab is on its way. I won’t let it toot or anything but I’ll sit for a minute outside yours after it’s dropped Gareth at the hotel. If you want to I’m all yours…oh and just so you know I still haven’t been to the toilet yet!”

 

“Oh my word Liam. You must be absolutely bursting honey!”

 

His voice goes quiet, sexily and excitedly quiet, as he whispers down the line to me…

 

“Oh I am sweetheart, I really am. But I’m so hard right now for someone very very special that I’m about to explode with something else too…I need you!” 

 

Despite the fact everyone is asleep upstairs I still whisper back whilst exploring my very ready vagina, my heart pounding and the hairs on the back of my neck tingling. 

 

“I need you too Liam. So much so. I’ll be outside waiting!” 

 

As I slide off the couch, delirious with desire, I giggle quietly as I slide my slippers off and slide my bare feet into my flat black outdoor shoes, the hardness and coldness making me suddenly urgently need to pee. I glance upstairs, momentarily debating to myself about risking using the bathroom, but it just feels a risk too much. Instead I grab my pink anorak and search the pockets for my recently acquired house key. It’s not there! Dancing around with a huge urgency to pee I try to think where I last put it. I suddenly remember seeing it in my purse earlier when I was out with Chelsea, but my purse is upstairs on the dresser in my room, the room I share with Theresa! Desperately trying to think, with one hand wedged between my legs as my earlier tea and full glass of cold water threaten to burst out of me any second, I suddenly remember the spare key behind the clock on the mantelpiece. In the barely lit room it’s hard to find but once I have it I pull my hood up, zip my coat up and sneak outside the front door, unlocking and re-locking it as silently as I can. As I walk down the path the cold air causes me to shiver and leak a little into my pants as I cross my legs very tightly and look up and down the street anxiously for any signs of a taxi, silently praying no other vehicle passes by and sees me. 

 

I stand, well more precisely dance around and squirm, both trying to keep warm and simultaneously not wet myself, as I wait alone in just my nightwear and light anorak. 

 

What on earth has come over me? How on earth will I explain any of this in the confession booth at chapel? How many times will I have to recite the rosary to make amends for my sins after tonight? I am just getting second thoughts when a car pulls up and the back door opens as Liam waves me to join him, his face shining in desire and longing, his eyes beaming with excitement. 

 

As he holds both his arms out just inside the car door I run towards him, any last minute doubts blown away by the night breeze as I abandon my upbringing, my faith, my family, and even my baby sister, all for the excitement and thrill of a night with an English litter picker who I love more than I even dare confess, even to myself. 

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Chapter 102

 

Liam 

 

By the time I’ve called Megan there’s tooting outside the flat as the taxi is here so suddenly I barely have time to get my coat off the back of the chair and on my back. I’m carried along by the effects of alcohol, my best mate’s insistence, and sheer longing for one woman. Leaving the warmth of the flat I feel the cold air hit me hard as my erection subsides just enough to make my bladder spasm as I grab myself instinctively in the dark of the night as Gareth pushes me gently into the back of the private cab. 

 

“Hilton hotel please, then my mate Liam will tell you where he’s going. Cheers mate!”

 

Gareth climbs in the front leaving me alone in the back, for which I am so grateful as I massage my crotch frantically, forcing myself to think sexy thoughts about Megan to get hard so I don’t burst on the backseat. I hear Gareth talking to the cab driver as I squirm in the back texting Megan to tell her we’re on the way. I’m shaking in anticipation of seeing her, longing for her so much it hurts and hyper at the thought of lying in my own bed beside her. I’ve never wanted to be with a girl more than I do right now, but fuck do I need to piss too, so so badly. I wrap my arms around my aching bladder and lean forwards as the cab pulls into the Hilton car park. Gareth hands some notes to me in the back as I try to come back to earth enough to tell the driver Megan’s address. The driver must see me in his internal mirror as he looks right at my best friend as Gareth stands beside the cab and comments loudly, 

 

“He ain’t gonna vomit is he? I’m not taking him if he does!” 

 

Gareth promises I won’t as I struggle to sit still. 

 

“25 Woodburn Close please. Just to pick someone up then right back to  102 Victoria Road, thank you.”

 

As we drive along the quiet dark roads towards the Brookfield estate I feel my legs tighten, the muscles in my buttocks clenched as tight as I can possibly manage, as an overwhelming urge to relax and let my bladder empty almost overwhelms me. Fucking hell I need to use the toilet and very urgently! As the car turns into Megan’s street I feel my erection growing again but not before a small spurt of urine manages to leak into my clothing. I’ve no idea if there’s anything to be seen on my jeans as it’s pitch dark, but as the driver slows to a halt at Megan’s I push open the back door and throw both my arms wide open to embrace my beautiful woman. With the dim light from the car’s internal lights I catch a glimpse of Megan’s familiar pink anorak, her gorgeous brown hair under her hood and her alluring, amazing, smile. She slides into the back seat beside me as I wrap her in my arms, the seatbelt trying to pull me back. 

 

Megan pulls her own seatbelt on as she cuddles right into me on the middle seat as I wrap one arm around her shoulders while my other hand presses firmly on my dick to stop any more piss leaking out. Megan feels cold, fidgety and stiff beside me as I kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. 

 

“You feel cold baby. Cuddle in. We’ll be warm at mine very soon.” 

 

She uses her hand to move my face forwards so her mouth is level with my ear. As the taxi drives through dark but empty roads sparks fly through my entire body as my incredible girlfriend whispers to me with one hand in her crotch fidgeting manically. 

 

“Before we make love please can I use your loo? Have you went yet?” 

 

I whisper back one word that sums up the torture in my entire body, the heaviness of my bladder, the pain surging from my testicles right down my very erect penis. One word that I hope she believes and knows is the entire truth. One word that shows how obedient I have been to her all night. 

 

“No.” 

 

I take her hand and guide it to my upper legs as she feels my thick bulge in my jeans. In the pitch black of the back of the taxi I then risk letting her let go as I move her hand to the top of my jeans as I let her feel my extremely hard and distended bladder. I’m not sure if her moans at this are due to her own need or sexual pleasure from feeling mine, but hearing them sends pre-cum shooting down my erection uncontrollably as I shiver in panic at the thought it might be another spurt of urine. Megan quickly takes my hand and slides it between her legs as I feel her body pounding  and throbbing  against my hand even through her nighty and knickers. If this cab doesn’t get us back to mine in the next few minutes I fear I might fuck Megan right on the back seat we’re sitting on! 

 

As if the driver can read my mind he comes to a stop. Between my giddiness from drinking and my intense horniness for Megan it takes me a moment to remember that I need to pay the cab. 

 

“23 pounds please.” 

 

I open the cab door and use a combination of a nearby street light and the internal door light from the taxi to find £30 in notes from the money Gareth gave me as I tell him to keep the change as I pull Megan out and pull her to my front door. I only let go of her hand to dig in my coat pocket for my key as I hear the cab pull away and Megan quietly moaning. 

 

“Oh it’s really really bad Liam! It’s going to come out. I can’t stop it. Oh no! I’m so cold I’m  leaking…oh no! Oh no!” 

 

There’s no-one around and the road is quiet, thankfully, as I stand with the key in my lock and gaze at Megan as she opens her legs standing right on my doorstep, her knees slightly bent, and her nighty rolled in her hands as she moans. The sound of hissing and liquid hitting the ground thrills me as I gasp in utter awe as I can’t resist biting Megan’s neck in passion even as she pees violently right in front of me. 

 

If she doesn’t stop peeing herself and get into bed with me in the next minute or two I will be ejaculating right here on my doorstep too! I can’t imagine how tonight could possibly get any better than it has already, yet I know the finale will somehow exceed it all. I need it to happen so urgently I moan like a man possessed.

 

I have to stop sucking Megan’s neck even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I need her inside my flat. I need her naked. I need to be inside her! 

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Chapter 104

 

Liam 

 

Loving and making love to Megan is the greatest thing ever. Holding her naked body in my arms on my bed is just so perfect, so amazing, but as my penis slides naturally out of her body and the blood slowly ebbs away from my crotch area I feel a cramping in my bladder, spasms that hit me so hard I fear I will explode right where I am lying. As Megan lightly touches my bladder I fear I am doomed as my urgency to piss returns with a vengeance. I beg Megan in tears to let me go NOW!  It actually hurts to hold this now and I can’t even stand up straight. I hear her saying something about watching me but right now I don’t care if she films me for fucking pornhub as long as I can get to urinate! 

 

I moan and whimper like a wounded animal as the spasms intensify. It takes huge effort and a death grip of my dick to make it off the bed dry as I hobble the short distance next door to my bathroom. I can hear Megan behind me but I am single focussed vocally moaning as every step torments my body so much I can barely breathe…

 

‘Ahhhh…..ohhhh….God….fuck…eeeeee….ahhhh’ 

 

I’m crying I have to let go so badly. My back can’t straighten and sweat is pouring from my back and forehead as I see the toilet and let out a yell…

 

“Owwww….”

 

Urine arches out of my aching pulsing penis not quite reaching the toilet but I just can’t  hold it back even a millisecond longer. I keep stepping forwards until finally my piss splashes violently and loudly into my toilet pan, Megan rubbing my back gently now as I urinate like my very life depends on it. 

 

“Ohhhhh…..boy……fuck….phew….” 

 

It pours and it pours as I struggle to steady my body as finally I can relax fully as the pain slowly eases from my huge bladder right down to my testicles and penis as the flow continues on as strong as ever. Momentarily losing myself in the moment of ecstasy I feel adrenaline soar through my body as I let out a yell..

 

“YES!”

 

Megan startles me as she laughs and starts clapping and cheering for me.  

 

“Go Liam! Go Liam!”

 

My body is shaking at the intensity of my pissing, at the sheer volume exploding from my body, at the high of the release. I’m still going, still firing liquid steadily, still aiming my exhausted dick into my all too familiar and glorious toilet. 

 

“Geez oh! You can stop you know…or we’ll be here all night!”

 

I want to look at her but I cant lose my aim, not just yet, as my stream slows slightly as the toilet bowl continues to fill with my warm foamy output. I’m tiring more and more as the adrenaline eases and my pain subsides. Never in my life have I experienced such a moment, such an intensity, such a mega euphoria as I have tonight, first with fucking Megan and now with finally pissing. As my bladder finally slowly empties the last of its contents I take a huge breath of air in and let it out slowly, my lungs revelling in the space they now have and the ability of my entire body to fully relax. I accidentally fart as my body stands exhausted but deliriously happy…finally. 

 

“Oh man did I need that!”

 

Megan rubs my back again as I shake my penis and dab the head with a little loo roll. 

 

“You’ve just restocked the entire North Sea Liam! I’ve never seen anyone pee that much in my entire life. You must have so needed that sweetheart. To think you actually held all that in for me too.” 

 

I flush the almost overflowing toilet, wash my hands then turn and look at Megan standing naked looking at me in awe. 

 

“I have never ever in my whole life been more bursting, more desperate or more in need. Fuck that felt so bloody amazing! I need a drink to recover now! Want a cuppa honey?”

 

My amazing sweetheart pulls some toilet roll off the roll and bends down to mop up my piss from the floor before putting the wet paper in the loo and flushing it. She steps nearer me to reach the sink as I wait for her to wash her hands. If I wasn’t so utterly drained I would easily take her right back to bed again but I’m delirious after the high of our earlier intercourse and pissing so much so I take her hand and guide her to my small kitchen. 

 

‘What would you like to drink honey? Tea, coffee, milk, water?” 

 

“Just a quick cup of tea please. I don’t know about you but I am so tired. I didn’t think to bring my purse though. What time is it? Are there taxis still running at this time?” 

 

I look around the kitchen and notice the time on the microwave clock. “1:35 in the morning.”

 

“I need to get back before anyone at home notices I’ve gone. I’ve no money for a taxi though….”

 

“Stay the night Megan. Please. I’ll set the alarm and call you a cab first thing I promise.”

 

“I’m tired Liam. So tired.”

 

I walk over and wrap my arms around her from behind as she sits at the small table alone. Stroking her hair I kiss her cheek gently. 

 

“Me too sweetheart. Me too. But I so want you in my arms to sleep. It’s all I want tonight I promise.”

 

The kettle boils so I make Megan a mug of tea as she nods for milk but shakes her head for sugar. She looks so fatigued, but so wonderful, as I carry two mugs of tea carefully to my room as she follows. 

 

Sitting up in my bed I pull the duvet over our naked bodies as I hand her her mug. We sip our warm drinks silently, our eyes struggling to stay open and our bodies both so relaxed our breathing deepens and our minds begin to switch off. I gaze lovingly at Megan a short time later as her hands clasp her empty mug, her back against the headboard and her head falling forwards. I gently remove her mug and place it safety on the bedside cabinet beside my own as I slide her body into my bed and rest her head lovingly onto the pillows. Stroking her hair tenderly I lean over and kiss her forehead before cuddling in beside her, switching the bedside lamp off and falling asleep easily. 

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Chapter 105

 

Megan

 

I remember sitting in Liam’s bed holding and drinking a cup of tea but then the next thing I remember is being woken by some sort of alarm. It takes me a few minutes to recall where I am as I feel another warm body close to mine; Liam.

 

“What time is it Liam?” 

 

“5:45am. I wasn’t sure when you would need to be home. I wish you could stay though. When can we see each other again? Oh Megan thank you for staying last night. It was amazing!”

 

Liam holds me close, his naked body sending tingles through mine as my heart and body long for him so much. I’m still so sleepy and could easily snuggle in under the warm duvet into his body and rest some more but two very important things stop me: needing to get home and needing to let that mug of tea out that I had before bed! My back is against Liam’s front, his arms wrapped around me like a giant teddy. 

 

“I guess I had better get up and head home. Liam?”

 

“Yes my sweetheart.”

 

“Could I possibly use your bathroom before I go?” 

 

“Mmmm. Can it wait? 5 more minutes?” 

 

“If you keep cuddling me then yes. But I will need to get home soon sadly. Theresa is visiting mam in hospital this morning and dad will expect us all to go to chapel with him.” 

 

“I saw you at chapel last week. I sat at the back and watched you.” 

 

I roll over to face him, taken aback at what he’s just confessed. Looking at his face I reach a hand out and stroke his cheek. 

 

“You actually came to chapel? To see me?”

 

“Yes. After seeing you the day before when I was working and you were outside with your baby sister and I found you bursting to pee. After we kissed and I watched you peeing onto that bin bag I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Actually I couldn’t stop thinking of you from the day in the launderette when you squirmed so sexily and eventually had an accident. Then when we met in the library toilet not long later. You mentioned that day about spending your life cleaning up after others for free or something. I was so worried about you that I walked all around your estate every night listening for any signs that someone might be mistreating you. I knew the chapel was somewhere special to you and even more so when you came out it that time and found me against the wall after my panic attack. I loved going to lunch with you that day Megan. I wanted to kiss you in that cafe so bloody much. But then you ran out so quickly. Did I say something?” 

 

So many emotions run through my mind as I realise listening to Liam just how much our lives have been coming together right from the time we first met. I think of the bookmark under my pillow at home that Liam bought and hand delivered to me. In my tiredness and full bladdered state I can’t quite recall the exact words but I know it’s something about desperate situations leading to beautiful moments, or something similar. Now I am lying naked in Liam’s bed it feels safe to confess why I ran out on him that day and where I had to be right after. 

 

“I had to leave that day because of you.” 

 

I slide closer to Liam, my hand still on the side of his face and my thumb running along his perfect lips. 

 

“Not because of anything you said, more because I was scared. I couldn’t get you out my head that day we met in the launderette either. I couldn’t understand why though. I thought it might have just been because of all the feelings I had sitting in the place squirming. Holding for so long, trying to hide how urgently I needed to pee, and then having that accident, did something to my body that I still don’t really fully understand, but ever since that day whenever I’m desperate to pee it’s like my body changes, my mood changes, I feel sexy, alive and….well it makes me want to masterbate myself so much! That time in the cafe sitting opposite you I started having those exact same feelings, except this time I wasn’t desperate to pee….I was desperate for you! I was falling for you and I was terrified you might not feel the same way, so I ran away using my appointment as an excuse. I did genuinely have an appointment though, that wasn’t a lie. I had to meet with Mr.CGintley, Courtney’s dad. He works at the council as a welfare adviser. He was helping me sort out stuff because I haven’t had a job in years. I felt awful for leaving you though. I never ever thought you might actually like me too.”

 

“Like you? How could anyone not like you? You are honestly the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. And for your information Miss Murphy…”

 

He reaches out to gently take my other hand as he places it on his rock hard penis under the duvet.

 

“That’s exactly what I was like that day in the cafe. I was so hard under the table because I fancied you so much. I still do. God, I love you so much.” 

 

He pulls the back of my head towards his head as I feel his lips meet mine in a tender, loving, passionate way that sends electric sparks firing inside me. I could easily, very easily, stay so much longer. I could easily make love all over again, the tingling in my vagina reminding me that I am not only very turned on again but also really needing to pee. 

 

Against everything in me I draw back from the kiss but I run my thumb over Liam’s lips to show him I adore him so much. 

 

“I really do need to be getting home honey. Do you have money for a cab? I’ll get it back to you somehow as soon as I can. I have chapel this morning with my family then a couple of hours with Chelsea again then I need to watch the boys and Yasmin tonight as Theresa is out and dad is visiting mam. I have something on on Monday morning and I am working Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week from 4-6 each day. I could walk over to here during the day while the boys are at school though I might need to bring Yasmin with me…oh I don’t know but I have to see you! And Liam?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I am nearly wetting your bed here. Please, please may I use your toilet?”

 

He winks at me cheekily as he slides his legs off the side of the bed and takes my hands to help me do the same. 

 

“As long as I get to watch?” 

 

I laugh at the reminder of last night as I skip to the bathroom next door walking backwards as I use both hands to pull Liam with me. It’s amazing to finally be with him. It’s equally amazing to actually not worry that someone else might be in the loo when I’m desperate to go. 

 

It’s not the first time Liam Jude has watched me pee and I’m absolutely sure it won’t be the last either! 

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Chapter 107

 

Megan 

 

The house is still in darkness as I risk using the spare key to unlock the front door. I can’t hear anyone as I quickly hang up my coat and go straight to the kitchen. I’m so thirsty I pour a full glass of fresh orange juice and drink it all before plugging my mobile to charge in the living room right where I was before I sneaked out. I check the clock on the mantelpiece in the light of the lamp that’s been left on all night whilst putting the spare key back behind it again. It’s only 6:40am! I still feel so tired as I creep upstairs and slide into  my cold cramped single bunk bed, sliding my hand under the pillow to feel the letters Liam hand delivered to me and my treasured bookmark. I close my eyes still thinking about him and our night together. 

 

The next thing I remember is hearing Theresa in the room moaning to herself.

 

“How does dad expect me to go see mum if I can’t even get into the bathroom!”

 

I pull my hand quickly from under the pillow as if I have just been caught stealing money. 

 

“What time is it Theresa?” 

 

She’s standing looking out the window even though the curtains are closed, both her hands leaning on the windowsill. She replies to me without so much as turning around. 

 

“I think it’s around 8am. Oh come on dad!” 

 

I sit up, my head pretty much touching Theresa’s bed above me. I stretch then turn my legs to sit upright at the side of the bed ready to get up. Theresa turns to face me having heard the bed springs creak and my body moving. 

 

“I’m next! Don’t you dare go in before me Meg! Please don’t.” 

 

Theresa isn’t one to make a drama about things or really lose her temper so her threat is more of a begging than anything else as I see her arms folded in front of her as she leans forward quite uncharacteristically. The door to the bedroom is open and I can hear the boys talking next door and Yasmin making noises to herself in her cot. For a moment I wonder why I haven’t woken in a similar state to my older sister but then I remember waking at Liam’s and using his toilet just before I left. I smile at my sister though I really do genuinely feel for her. So many times I’ve been in her position struggling with the fact that our house has only one bathroom too. 

 

“Your need is much greater than mine, don’t worry. I’ll go see to Yasmin if dad is in the bathroom. What time is visiting this morning?” 

 

Theresa is back at the window, her hands back on the windowsill as she stretches and tenses. 

 

“I think it’s around 11. I’m not sure with it being Sunday though. After I’m showered and dressed I’ll call and see. Oh Meg you couldn’t see if dad’s out yet could you? He’s taking forever this morning!” 

 

I head next door to get my baby sister noticing that the bathroom door is still closed. With Yasmin in my arms  I walk past the door to my room where my sister is now sitting at a desk with her legs tightly crossed as I let her know the bad news. 

 

“Still locked. Sorry.” 

 

She mock bangs her head on the desk in disgust and I head downstairs with the baby to start cooking breakfast. The boys must smell the bacon as shortly after I begin cooking they are both downstairs, Anthony getting himself a glass of fresh juice from the fridge and Rory sitting at the table playing with his little sister. I turn the bacon over in the pan trying to imagine life without my family, trying to picture myself back in Liam’s small flat. I love Liam so much but I also love my family too. As Anthony comes up to me smelling the bacon he looks right at me, his face level with mine thanks to his recent growth spurt. 

 

“Thank you sis. This smells delicious!” 

 

As he sits down across from Rory dad comes in with his hair still wet, a towel around his shoulders and his pyjama trousers still on. 

 

“Meg, you don’t happen to know where my grey suit is? I wore my black one to mass last night so thought the grey would be nice for a change. Oh and what colour tie would go best with stone grey? Red or navy stripes? Oh make me a sandwich would you sweetheart. That smells amazing!” 

 

It’s like mam isn’t even ill, like last week never even happened, like I spent the whole night in my own bed the same as every other night. Maybe that’s just how life is for everyone: we pretend all is well until one day we have to confess that nothing is quite like others think it is, every family has its secrets and everyone has something to confess in life. It’s just right now what I have to confess isn’t what my family need to hear. There’s more than enough going on without me telling them all I just spent the night making love to a non Catholic English man.

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Chapter 108 

 

Liam 

 

I’m awake now and can’t get back to sleep so after my coffee I run myself a bath. The morning is utterly dragging in and the flat feels so lifeless and quiet on my own. After my bath I eat some breakfast and scroll through social media. Gareth has posted a recent pic of himself with Miranda and the kids at the airport saying how much he’s looking forward to the wedding today. It feels odd to be going to a wedding on a Sunday but despite Northern Ireland still officially being part of the U.K. a number of things do still feel different here, including Sundays. I think of home and Aunt Ella and not for the first time I really miss her. It’s almost 9am so I decide to text her. 

 

“Hi, just wanted to say I hope you enjoy church today and that I miss you.” 

 

She doesn’t reply but I reason with myself that she might not have heard her phone, or maybe having a shower or something. I quite suddenly have a very uneasy feeling though and a very strong compulsion to go back to St. Mary’s chapel again. I don’t want Megan thinking I’m stalking her but for once I don’t just want to go to see her. I have this urgent need to be in church, any church, though I can’t explain why. I google the chapel because  I can’t remember what time it started when I went last week, then I go about nervously smartening myself up, brushing my hair, shaving, and even using aftershave like God himself will be impressed at me. Putting on my coat and picking up my phone I start walking towards the chapel even though I know I’ll be far too early. 

 

When I arrive the car park is eerily quiet but the gate is open, as are the huge front doors. I slip in out the cold checking, yet again, to see if Aunt Ella has texted back. I turn the ringer off out of respect and sit on the furthest back pew right at the door looking around nervously. I can’t explain why I am here, what I hope to gain, or anything else, as I stare at the huge cross with a male body hanging on it, the vast rows of pews, the old fashioned pulpit and organ up in a small mezzanine area in the corner. It’s all so dusty, old, and religious looking, yet I can’t seem to leave. I bow my head on the empty pew in front of me as I try and gather my thoughts. I’m not a praying man, to be honest I’m not even sure what I believe, yet my thoughts jump about and wander as I quietly mutter to myself. 

 

“I’m sorry I can’t help you mum. I’m sorry for destroying your stuff Lauren. I’m sorry for all the grief I caused you aunt Ella. I’m sorry for…”

 

Weirdly I find myself a bit tearful, remorseful, emotional, like something about that man staring down at me makes me feel like I need to inexplicably confess all my human failings because I can never be perfect like he is. I wipe a tear with my sleeve then rest my head on the pew again. My thoughts move on a little as I worry about my aunt, my mum, my sister I never knew I had…Megan. 

 

Alone in an old chapel on a quiet road in Bangor, Northern Island I mutter what I think is my first ever prayer in my life aged 31. 

 

“If you are real God please show me. Let me hear from Aunt Ella, make my mum better, make Megan’s mum better and somehow make it possible for me to be with Megan. Hail Mary, whatever that means, and Amen.” 

 

I stay a little longer looking around at the booths down the side with little curtains wondering what they might be used for and making a mental note to myself to google it later to satisfy my curiosity. I’m not sure I can cope with the weird smells, the dulcet music from the old organ or the staring eyes on me like last week so I slip back out the building and head down to the sea front, turning the ringer back on my phone as I walk down the road. 

 

Looking back at the large old building I have this sudden revelation: Maybe the draw of the place isn’t the rituals, the prayers, or even the old weathered floor cushions, but the fact the building is the epicentre of so much of people’s lives around here; from where they get christened to their first communion thing, to their weddings and even their funerals. 

 

I might not have done any of those milestones but it’s still playing quite a part in my own story here from finding myself there after a panic attack, to Megan peeing behind the back wall to even coming to a service last week, and now my visit today. 

 

Aunt Ella always used to say that God works in mysterious ways and finally I can understand what she meant. Maybe somehow all her years of praying for me are doing something? 

 

I stop to sit on a bench looking at the sea splashing forwards and backwards like it always does regardless of the seasons and I try calling my aunt in England again. 

 

There’s still no answer, even on her landline. 

 

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Chapter 109

 

Megan 

 

The boys dress up smart without being told and I put on a nice dress and tights set on little Yasmin. Theresa calls the hospital who are happy to let her visit Mam from 11-12 and dad let’s her take the car while we all walk to chapel. It’s hard to believe that the last time we did this short walk that not only was mam with us but Niamh and Iain were too. Last Sunday feels forever ago as I push the buggy with dad and the boys beside me. I don’t feel worthy in any way to set foot inside a holy building right now, not after what happened with mam on Wednesday, and even more so after what I did last night. I must get back to confession as soon as possible! 

 

We file into the usual row beside Aisling and Harrison and Sean and Lilly, dad right beside them followed by young Rory, me with Yasmin and Anthony at the end. There’s so much more room than last week with mam, Theresa, and the twins all missing. Mass starts and I actually find comfort in the rituals, prayers and singing. Yasmin is fairly settled with a squishy book, chewing it and playing with it in my arms, but for a change Rory is fidgety and restless, so much so that dad has to whisper to him to sit still. It’s very unlike Rory and I really hope he’s not feeling unwell. I find out what’s wrong just as we are saying the second last prayer as he tugs at my arm and whispers to me that he really needs the loo! At 9 he’s a bit too old for me to run out and into the back of the building with like I recall dad doing with me when I was young so I whisper back that mass is nearly over and I’ll take him as soon as I can. He nods and squirms around as we stand for the last hymn. 

 

As soon as mass is finished I tell Rory discreetly to come with me as I slip past Anthony and put Yasmin in her buggy which I left in the vestibule at the front. As I’m strapping the baby in I see my youngest brother holding himself and I feel so bad for him. I push the brake off the buggy with my foot and tell him to follow me down the side of the old building. Outside with no-one around I hear my brother complaining how desperate he is. 

 

“Sorry Megan. I should have went before we left home. I’ve been bursting right through mass!” 

 

I pull the door to the back area of the church open but stairs make it impossible to get the buggy in that way. My brother rushes in to get to the toilet as I hold the heavy door open for him coming back out. Standing so close to the rear of the chapel I can’t help remembering how 8 days ago I was just as desperate as my younger brother all through Anthony’s first communion but how the very door I’m leaning against to keep it open was locked and how Liam helped me by getting me behind the church just in time. Just thinking of Liam makes me smile so much as I wish I had my mobile with me to text him. As my brother returns much happier and relaxed I step away, grab the large handle of the old door and close it quietly. 

 

“You won’t tell mam will you?” 

 

“Tell mam what Rory? That you needed a wee during mass? We’ve all been there so don’t worry. Anyway you’ll probably see mam before me at this rate.”

 

I push the buggy towards the front of the chapel as people begin to slowly file out. As Rory walks behind me he innocently asks, in such a child like manner that it catches me off guard,

 

“She will be back home for my birthday won’t she? I’ll be double digits. That’s a huge deal isn’t it Meg? I will have a party like always won’t I?” 

 

“I’m sure mam will do all she can to be home for your birthday Rory. Have you thought about what you’d like?” 

 

I don’t bother trying to push the buggy back inside against the crowds coming out so I push the buggy backwards and forwards near the steps to keep Yasmin settled while Rory goes in to find the others. While I’m waiting I feel a hand on my shoulders and a familiar voice talking to me from behind. 

 

“Don’t let anything get in the way of where you know you need to be Megan. Sometimes in life we just need to get desperate enough for something. Go with your heart. We’re all human and we all make mistakes but God understands. Just remember where you are now doesn’t mean this is where you have to stay forever. Love will guide you, always.” 

 

I feel my heart jump and a lump in my throat. I turn to thank then but my foot gets caught in the wheel of the buggy and by the time I turn around they’ve gone. 

 

“Megan there you are! You ready for home?”

 

“Yes. Definitely.”

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