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Are Women More Patient about Waiting for the Bathroom?


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I thought of this topic after something came up in my other topic about telling people where the bathroom is and it was just something of a consistent observation that I have noticed myself as well as heard from other people sharing their accounts.


I guess what I am saying is that I am asking everybody to think back to your experiences but can you ever think back to numerous experiences where you were out with a women all day long, or where you were a woman out all day long, and despite the fact that it was a long day and that you might have been staying well hydrated and everything, you are with a mixed sex group or a group of all women, and yet the women don't ever say any indication that they have to go to the bathroom. You don't hear the women saying we need to go to the bathroom, can we find a bathroom, when we going to get to the bathroom etc. etc. for most of the day and the women just go about their activities like nothing is bothering them, possibly even in a situation where the men are regularly relieving themselves, such as being outdoors or something like that.


Then finally after many many hours, after a long full day eventually one woman, probably meekly, finally speaks up and says I could really use a bathroom or can we find a bathroom or something like that, almost as though she is ashamed to ask for such a basic need like that, to admit that as a woman she has to go to the bathroom. At that moment, the other women in the group, as though suddenly given permission through this admission to admit that they too have to go to the bathroom, suddenly started nodding in agreement and you can see their eyes lighting up with joy at the possibility that, yes we could actually get the opportunity to relieve ourselves for Christ's sake!


Hopefully then the women will finally get to go to a bathroom, but generally speaking if it's not convenient for the rest of the group, if the women are told that they have to wait, although sometimes they will complain, you will often see the women nonetheless waiting until its convenient for the group to find them a bathroom, patiently and politely suppressing their urge until it's the most convenient for everybody concerned for them to get relief.


Then of course when you finally do find a bathroom often there is a gigantic line, but do you generally see women rioting over the fact that there is a gargantuan line? Generally no, I have never seen a real riot in a ladies room line. Generally speaking no matter how long they have already been waiting for already, even if that has been all day long, the women will obediently line up like little soldiers in the line, and although many will look annoyed, although some will complain and talk among themselves about the aggravation of the line, generally speaking they will all take their place in line and continue waiting patiently no matter how long that happens to be or how long they have already been waiting, with relatively few people attempting to cut in line.


It's just something interesting and I have observed it time and time again, and although I am a person who questions these things more I am no different. If I have to go to the bathroom I will wait to speak up often, when I do I will continue to wait if it's not convenient for the group and when I finally do get to the bathroom I will wait patiently in line no matter how long that happens to be. Not to say I don't complain, because I do, but at no point do I attempt to overthrow the bathroom status quo to speak.


It is something that I have observed at my job as well, my female coworkers and I will go all day will not say anything about the fact that we need to go to the bathroom. It's obvious we have to go to the bathroom, we all know we have to go to the bathroom, and nothing is really said about that, but then we finally get to go to the bathroom we all patiently line up but we bolt for that bathroom like an oasis in the desert, overjoyed for something as simple and basic as finally getting to go to the bathroom.


Now again I am not going to say that women are saints, I said that women are patient and obedient about waiting for the bathroom, most fairly complacent and meek about it, but when the women get together in line it really is in every woman for herself situation. Once is finally your turn to go you going frankly don't care about the person following you and sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. And in a situation where not everyone might get to go you simply don't care about the people who don't get to go as long as you get to go.


Again I think it has to do with societal conditioning and toilet scarcity, but once again I do find it interesting how it seems like women are conditioned to suppress their needs and to wait patiently for something as basic as going to the bathroom. It really is interesting that you can see women going all day without the bathroom without complaint, and then see their eyes light up with joy when the world finally gives them permission to say, yes you can go to the bathroom now.


Just an observation I have made and I am wondering if anyone else has noticed similar or has any thoughts on this.

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I can totally relate.    I don’t like telling people I need to pee. I don’t know why, I just think girls grow up with the idea that we shouldn’t share that kind of need with people because it’s

I have noticed that women out with a group of friends will often wait until a few people mention needing the toilet before they all go together. I hardly ever see a woman leave a group in order to go

During my years at high school I hated using the loos as older kids smoked in them so I was afraid to go myself. During Uni it felt antisocial to interrupt a group talking to run to the loo too so I w

I would agree in some instances this would be the case, I was at a posh evening once with a group we had been drinking in the bar and later as we were shown to a table this very sexy lady said she felt like she hadn’t been for a week and were there any others with that most of the women agreed and they all got up and went together,

They were all needing but waiting on what? Permission?

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@SoBursting

"They were all needing but waiting on what? Permission?"

Yes, once again like I was saying I feel that women are sort of socially conditioned to repress their needs and urges, including the urge to go to the bathroom, with some feeling maybe it's impolite to even demand that they go to the bathroom. So I think that sometimes it takes one woman to speak up and say something before any other woman feels it's okay to admit, yes I too need the bathroom really really bad. It's a weird an interesting phenomenon though but you can see women basically suppressing it all day but then when somebody finally speaks up all the other women are like oh my God yes I really need to go right now!

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I always thought it was just politeness to hold off as long as possible or shyness not wanting others to know they need, is this why women go to the toilets together when out? It’s like moving together as a herd,

As a guy if I need to pee I get up and go, I don’t wait for anyone, i have wondered why when I’ve seen a woman in a group visibley  more desperate than the rest she stays with the group chatting for someone else to interrupt the chat and to mention they should find a toilet so she can get to go, 

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I think that those are factors, but I know in my family whenever I would say I have to go to the bathroom my family always thought that it was sort of impolite for a girl to announce that she has to go to the bathroom, like you are supposed to do it quietly or to suppress the urge.


I don't know if that is why women sometimes go to the bathroom in groups, but I do think that with women there is much more policing of bathroom activity, like it is somehow impolite to admit that you have to go to the bathroom. Like if one woman has to wait she wants others to as well.


Again I am probably atypical in that if I have to go to the bathroom I usually just get up and go myself, but I have been in plenty of situations where it wasn't "convenient" for the group, often made up mostly of guys to just go find a bathroom for me specifically, and in situations like that you feel almost guilty at daring to say, you know guys I have to go to the bathroom too, almost like having to go to the bathroom is a crime and that the proper thing to do is to continue holding it no matter how uncomfortable you are.
Again it sort of a weird thing but I do think that it is sort of a societal conditioning that most people don't even realize is taking place.

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Yeah I posted a similar story Jill, where women in a group were too scared to ask to go to the bathroom, especially in schools. It's definitely true women are more patient about waiting for the bathroom, and it's something I really respect about women! But a lot of it is just our culture norms it seems, and I agree with you, I wish women had it easier. 

Even at an outdoor event with barely any bathrooms, I actually saw women lining up for a large bush! Most women are extremely respectful about the toilet queues, only once in a while or in bad/low neighborhoods do you see trashy women who cut in line, and very drunk women are bad too. Some women out there are so bad they'll just squat in the middle of a restaurant, cemetaries or even in an uber. But thankfully it's the minority. 

Of course it varies person-to-person, but I think over a woman's lifetime she learns how to hold it in well due to lack of bathrooms, long lines, etc. Women are smaller than men, but I've seen some women have mastery of their bladder control from so many years of getting used to it. Often I'd be on a trip with my significant other and I'd be the one who's more desperate! 

We'd use a portapotty together in public in outdoor events, and she'd be able to just release a gushing waterfall at the snap of a finger, it was astonishing. And it'd be like a liter or more of pee, and I'd say "Wow you must've had to go! Why didn't you tell me?" and she said she's used to it and that was nothing to her, whereas I could barely hold in half the amount. 

Interestingly many of us are in North America or Europe, but can you imagine how bad it must be in other countries? Like in Japan where respect is even more important in your school or to your boss? I've had many women I know from South Asian countries, and they say that it's even worse and women often get denied permission to use the bathroom while in school or at work. 

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I have noticed that women out with a group of friends will often wait until a few people mention needing the toilet before they all go together. I hardly ever see a woman leave a group in order to go to the toilet on her own even when sitting there fidgeting around with their legs crossed, visibly desperate!

I remember at uni, during one afternoon accounting lecture I was sitting with a group of friends when a very attractive Indian girl who I'll call Riya (who had been drinking a huge mug of hot chocolate and had been jiggling in her seat for the last 20 minutes) suddenly leaned forwards and whispered to us 'I desperately need a wee'. Her friend told her to just go and Riya replied that she would rather wait until the break. A few minutes later, the fire bell rang so we all had to stand outside and she was crossing her legs looking very worried. After a few minutes of standing around we went back into the lecture and the lecturer announced that due to the delay, they would have to cancel the scheduled break in order to cover all of the material on time. Riya obviously wasn't happy about this but said that she would just have to go for a wee after the lecture. The rest of the lecture lasted for around an hour and on the way out I noticed that Riya looked absolutely bursting, but rather than rush off to the loo she stood with us for a few minutes while we all chatted about the course.

She wasn't saying much, constantly crossing and uncrossing her legs and shifting from foot to foot with a distracted look on her face, but still didn't excuse herself for the loo. About 10 minutes later, another girl in the group announced that she needed to leave and started saying bye to everyone, and Riya said she was leaving too. The girl then turned to Riya and said 'I really need the toilet, did you want to come too?' Riya nodded and said she'd been bursting for a wee for ages! I wonder how much longer she would have waited if the other girl hadn't mentioned it?  

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During my years at high school I hated using the loos as older kids smoked in them so I was afraid to go myself. During Uni it felt antisocial to interrupt a group talking to run to the loo too so I would often hold. 
 

I wasn’t the only one either. I recall often sitting in the huge university campus canteen thinking that a girl in the group was clearly needing to use the ladies but she’d sit drinking juice bouncing her leg or tapping her foot or wriggling until someone else would say first. 
 

It always makes me think of weddings or parties where there’s a buffet and no-one wants to be first to go to the buffet but once one person does everyone else breathes a sigh of relief saying ‘thank God I’m starving!’ Etc. It’s like perhaps saying it first is a sign of weakness? I don’t know. 
 

Even years later at work in meetings I can sometimes tell someone else wants to go but doesn’t feel they can say then a break will be announced and on the way to the ladies you hear others saying ‘oh thank goodness! If that had gone on much longer I’d have had an accident.’ Men seem more confident to either slip out, ask or say...but not all! I’ve seem a few men in long meetings look quite squirmy after drinking too much. 

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@John

"Even at an outdoor event with barely any bathrooms, I actually saw women lining up for a large bush! Most women are extremely respectful about the toilet queues, only once in a while or in bad/low neighborhoods do you see trashy women who cut in line, and very drunk women are bad too. Some women out there are so bad they'll just squat in the middle of a restaurant, cemetaries or even in an uber. But thankfully it's the minority."

This is very true although at outdoor events without toilets I think that a lot of women are even patient enough that they just hold it all day long. I have been in situations like this and it really is crazy. You basically have a situation where the men can go relieve themselves and the women just hold it all day and yet you don't really hear anyone saying anything like good God I need a bathroom or anything like that. No the women just sort of patiently wait all day long and then possibly end up waiting in a long line after that.


And I sometimes hate myself because I am exactly the same way. For all my ditching and complaining about how they are long ladies room lines and everything, what do I do if I find myself in a gigantic ladies room line next to an empty men's room, I get in line and I wait patiently for however long it takes.

"Of course it varies person-to-person, but I think over a woman's lifetime she learns how to hold it in well due to lack of bathrooms, long lines, etc. Women are smaller than men, but I've seen some women have mastery of their bladder control from so many years of getting used to it. Often I'd be on a trip with my significant other and I'd be the one who's more desperate!"

This is actually interesting because a lot of those women who do master control of their bladders I think are less than sympathetic towards women who don't have similar control. Again you would think women would be more sympathetic to other women but I have found that that is not actually the case!


Sort of like after all of my years at home with a bathroom nearby when I suddenly got my job where I had to hold it all day a lot of the other women are like that should be the norm. Like a lot of women not just accept that they have to hold it but feel that women should just hold it, like it should be normal and that I am sort of like being a whiny bitch were complaining about it. To be fair I am kind of LOL.


But yeah after chatting with a lot of women with big bladders who built it up over time as I lazily went to the bathroom most of the time, suddenly now that I was in a situation where I had to hold it there like, well Princess too bad, I guess you're going to have to learn to hold it! And once again, I have, I shouldn't have to, but nonetheless I adapted, uncomfortably, but I did.

"Interestingly many of us are in North America or Europe, but can you imagine how bad it must be in other countries? Like in Japan where respect is even more important in your school or to your boss? I've had many women I know from South Asian countries, and they say that it's even worse and women often get denied permission to use the bathroom while in school or at work. "

I've actually talk to someone who was a teacher in Japan and he said that the students at school actually have great access to the bathroom whenever they want it and that a lot of the omorashi content of Japan is more underground whereas Japan actually has pretty good access to bathrooms.


India on the other hand I heard has truly horrendous access to bathrooms for women where women often have to hold it all day long.

@Despguy123

I found that story rather gut wrenching because I can actually kind of relate to that. In school you are always supposed to go to the bathroom between classes, at least in high school anyway, but even in college most people would probably try not to go during class even if they were allowed to leave. But I have been an actual situations like that where I had to pee and there was a fire drill and I got delayed going to the bathroom. And I would like to think that I would have protested and that I would have gotten to the bathroom, and yet, like all the other women in the stories, I did exactly what Riya did and I held it. Of course the second I got to get a chance to go to the bathroom I bolted to the bathroom and didn't wait around, but nonetheless when I was unable to go I simply just sort of stoically hold on until I could get to a bathroom.

@Mbgpeelover

"It always makes me think of weddings or parties where there’s a buffet and no-one wants to be first to go to the buffet but once one person does everyone else breathes a sigh of relief saying ‘thank God I’m starving!’ Etc. It’s like perhaps saying it first is a sign of weakness? I don’t know."
 

I think that's actually the perfect analogy actually is that sort of like what I'm thinking. It's like everybody is hungry and then it's like somebody finally gives them permission to be and it's like the greatest joy in the world. But it's almost like seen as greedy to ask for something like that even something as basic as that. So maybe it's seen as being greedy for women to ask for their right to use the bathroom or ask permission to use the bathroom. I don't know what it is but I guess women are made to feel guilty just for something as simple as relieving themselves.


But again it sort of a weird phenomenon, where you will see a group of women who just sort of quietly suppress this urge all day and then at some point it's like, hallelujah hallelujah we can finally go to the bathroom and it's just like an overflowing of joy, no pun intended. It really is crazy to think that people could just be sitting there miserably holding it all day just because of some type of social pressure, and yet I've done it myself so who am I to talk?

"Even years later at work in meetings I can sometimes tell someone else wants to go but doesn’t feel they can say then a break will be announced and on the way to the ladies you hear others saying ‘oh thank goodness! If that had gone on much longer I’d have had an accident.’ Men seem more confident to either slip out, ask or say...but not all! I’ve seem a few men in long meetings look quite squirmy after drinking too much."

Again I think that it's male privilege or something along those lines. Sort of like how men are more likely to interrupt women than vice versa. Men would be more likely to aggressively interrupt to have their needs met, where as I think women are sort of socially conditioned to not do something in polite, even something as simple as relieving a painfully full bladder. So we get a situation where the men will slip out where the women will just politely, for matters of social decorum, endure an entire meeting ready to burst until finally it's over and then it's like a big charge to the bathroom like free at last free at last! Again it sort of a crazy thing but again it seems like it sort of like the norm in society.

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Speaking of weddings, I was once at a wedding reception one evening where the bride had clearly waited until the very last minute before using the toilet, as she needed the help of several women just to lift her dress! I remember her standing outside the toilets hopping frantically from foot to foot before rushing up to my girlfriend and asking her to help. Apparently she hadn't actually used the toilet at all since putting on the dress early that morning and by this time it was late evening. She had been drinking quite a few cocktails throughout the evening so must have been bursting by the time she finally got to pee. She's a midwife though and must have a pretty strong bladder as she's mentioned to me that she often works 12 hour shifts without a toilet break. 

She changed out of her wedding dress pretty soon after that and put on a cute little white dress which was much more practical, because in her words she had 'broken the seal and would be weeing all night' and obviously didn't want to have to go around asking people for help each time she needed to go!

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I can say for sure, these facts are 100 percent logical. I can say this through personal experiences too, and I think this may have to do with the male dominance system that society holds. When you’re talking about group gatherings, it always seems like the person leading the group A. happens to be a male, and B. involves the group based off of self needs.

Also with the fact of the long bathroom lines. I see this a lot when going to amusement parks and movie theaters. What I don’t see is women pouting, shaking, or crying. Granted doing that would look childish. It really just proves that women are titans. They’re pretty close to saints as well.

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I'll also add, just on the topic of toilet queues, I was once at a beer festival where the men's toilets were out of order and all the men had to queue up and use a single separate toilet. Of course, the majority of people at the festival were men so the queue was constantly massive, and I'll admit that rather than waste valuable drinking time waiting in the queue to pee, I managed to find somewhere discrete enough to sneakily relieve myself when the need arose, as did most of the guys I was drinking with. Obviously, if the situation was reversed and it was the women who had to queue up for a single toilet, I imagine most would just cross their legs and wait in line rather than risk getting caught peeing outside.

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6 hours ago, DesperateJill said:

I feel that women are sort of socially conditioned to repress their needs and urges, including the urge to go to the bathroom, with some feeling maybe it's impolite to even demand that they go to the bathroom.

I once read someone saying that "every girl has a story of being desperate to pee, and every girl remembers it". In my experience, this has been largely true. To answer your question - yes, women are more patient about their need, because they are born, raised and live in the world that expects them to be more patient about it. That's actually about a sum of factors rather than a single one:

1) Physiological one - women need more time and privacy to do their business than men, thus it is more complicated for them to do it and they have less options when it comes to relieving themselves.

2) Behavioral one - society indeed expects women (via programming in their upbringing since childhood, not to mention things like fines for peeing outdoors) to be discreet about their urge. They are taught that it's indeed impolite not only to relieve themselves in public, but even to mention it, especially to males.

3) Traditional one - society historically had little regard for women, and caring for their rights&needs is a relatively novel trend. They still generally struggle with finding public toilets, and when they do, it's usually not enough as there are both more females among the population AND more time needed to for every of them, hence the huge lines.

This sum of factors leads to women frequently finding themselves in a situation when they have to hold it. As the result, they become good at it to the point holding it becomes a habit for them.

During my college years I had this date with a girl - we met at 5 PM, spent some time at the cafe, then went to the movies, then took a walk in the park, then took a subway to her dorms, spent some time outside trying to finally say goodbye to each other - all that until midnight. For 7 hours we were together she did not powder her nose once, and never even mentioned her need, even though she had a tea at the cafe before a long movie.

Another college girl once confided in me about being extremely shy about her need - especially around people she doesn't know well. She's that girl who'd always wait for "permission" in a form of one of her female friends finally announcing she needs to go so she they can go together. But if noone else goes or she's around males - she'll be forced to hold it until the very last moment. That's why she has to make sure she doesn't hydrate before leaving home, and she often has to make up some reason to leave her friends or her date early so she can make it home in time to pee.

One short story she told me is a textbook example of this behavior. Enjoy.

Jenny (name changed) was hanging out with her friends. She lives in the countryside, so they took a car to pick her up. Jenny was well aware of her shyness about admitting the need to pee and its consequences, so she went before leaving the house and did not drink anything at home even though she would have liked a tea. She hanged out with her friends for about 6 hours and had a lot of liquid (alcohol) over the time. She since relieved herself a couple more times when her female friends said they needed to pee. Unfortunately for Jenny, she started to feel the urge again when it was still quite some time before the end. But since noone brought up the peeing issue again she just had to hold it. Her urge wasn't particularly strong yet, so Jenny was pretty confident about making it home. However, by the time she was in the car on the way home, she was very desperate and all her thoughts were about her need to use the toilet. Her friends were dropping off the girls at their places, and Jenny lived the farthest, so she was the last one. Alone with her male friends, there was no way Jenny could tell them to stop the car, so she had to hold her pee until home. She tried to distract herself with conversation, started telling a story and argued about something. This helped for a bit, but it was still a struggle - she was squirming in her seat, crossing and recrossing her legs. When they finally dropped her off, Jenny rushed home in a hurry, pee dancing frantically and doing everything not to wet herself while she was looking for house keys and opening the door. While she was too embarrassed to tell me how this story ended, I'm sure the ending is something your imagination will be able to handle.

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"I can say for sure, these facts are 100 percent logical. I can say this through personal experiences too, and I think this may have to do with the male dominance system that society holds. When you’re talking about group gatherings, it always seems like the person leading the group A. happens to be a male, and B. involves the group based off of self needs."


I do think this is definitely part of it because we do still live in a very patriarchal society where male dominance is simply the norm, or more particularly male privilege is the norm, and most guys don't realize the privilege that they have, even when it comes to something as simple as being able to relieve yourself when compared to women.


There was a good book I read recently called Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women and one of the chapters was about how doctors often diminish female pain or think that women are hysterical when they are in pain. It didn't say anything specifically about the pain of a full bladder, but of course being me my potty focused mind automatically made that connection.


I actually talked about this in email extensively with someone and I have probably posted about it here but I think that when a man hears that a woman needs to go to the bathroom he doesn't really consider it a serious thing. Because guys usually don't have to wait for the bathroom they probably think, well they should have gone before, and if they didn't they can just hold it. So a woman who is complaining about how she has an incredibly full bladder and keeps complaining about it, from the guy's perspective he's probably thinking that she is just being annoying or hysterical, but from his perspective he has probably already been able to relieve himself easily, so it's not a major concern of him the fact that the women in the group might need to go to the bathroom.


This is something I have of course noticed a lot because I grew up in a family where I mostly hung out with my boy cousins and had mostly guy friends, and my mom and aunts basically didn't use the bathroom in public short of a dire emergency. So in sort of a group situation with family or friends the group would be dominated by guys. Guys would be able to relieve themselves right away but if it wasn't convenient to wait a half hour in line for the ladies room it's always easy to tell the women we will get to it eventually and keep saying that again and again until at some point you are basically ready to scream "you know I still have to go to the bathroom here!" And I think a lot of guys are sort of indifferent to that female discomfort or something like that.


And again I'm not saying that guys are sadistic or cruel necessarily, although I do think a lot of guys diminish the seriousness of something like a full bladder and they can often joke about it. Like among my friends, again mostly guys, I am sort of known as that stereotypical woman who always needs a bathroom and they always sort of laugh it off as me just being me I guess, sort of like a hysterical woman, but again this is often in situations where they got to go to the bathroom without any wait whatsoever, so they just don't understand it from their perspective, just how annoying it is to be with a painfully full bladder and having to negotiate with a group of guys just to relieve yourself like that. And even where there isn't expressly forbidden from using the bathroom there is always sort of that peer pressure to not hold up the rest of the group just for your needs, even something urgent like a full bladder. And I think that women are sort of culturally conditioned to feeling guilty for ever speaking up for their needs, even for something as basic as just getting some damn relief!


But again I'm not going to be sexist about this, it's not just guys who do this. Even when the group is made up of an equal amount of women or even female dominant, or the group is led by a woman in charge, even women sort of have this policing of bathroom opportunities, sort of like how I related in my story about the desperate tour guide, who in that case was female. It was a fictional story but it was kind of inspired by a real experience of mine.


Basically in that story it was about a bunch of women arriving late to a fixed tour group because the bus was late, where a lot of the women were able to use the bathroom, but there wasn't enough time for the women who arrived late to use the bathroom despite the fact that it was a very long bus ride where everyone was staying well hydrated. But again she wasn't going to hold up the rest of the tour just for some women, so it was easy enough for her, even as a woman, to tell the rest of the women okay we will get to it later you'll just have to hold it in, tough cookies more or less.


And again when your own urinary needs have been met, which in most cases involves men being able to meet them more easily, but even where women have their bladder needs met it's easy to become indifferent and unsympathetic to other women who were in a similar state of urinary distress.


For example in the story the tour group was going around, again with a large number of the group being made up of women who already got to go to the bathroom, and they decided to put it to a democratic vote about whether they should skip a bathroom break to take time to take pictures. Naturally the women who didn't get to go to the bathroom protested as this was just a nightmare, but the women who already got to go, thinking more of their own needs, voted that they should skip the bathroom break in favor of getting to take pictures, much to the horror of the women who still didn't get to go to the bathroom, who were in the minority and got overruled.


Again I'm not sure if it's due to societal pressure, maybe it's something that women have internalized, but even when a woman is in charge of the group or leading the group I think that she still feels that same inner obligation not to inconvenience the group (or specifically men) as a whole just to meet the needs of a few women such as needing to go to the bathroom. I think this again sort of a societal imperative that since men can relieve themselves easily let them, but since women can't do so as easily they will just have to wait until its convenient for everyone where they won't inconvenience the group (or men) with such trivial needs as a painfully full bladder!


This definitely happened sometimes, well often, in my family where if I was with my boy cousins and there was an incredibly long line to the ladies room it would be often easier to say, we will wait and find a bathroom somewhere later. Again from a pragmatic standpoint I can understand sometimes that it's not always convenient for people to have to wait a half hour just to go to the bathroom, sometimes you really just don't have the time to do it, but it's still unfair the fact that the men were able to relieve themselves while I am expected to have to hold it simply because men can go to the bathroom more easily. Again pragmatically speaking I understand that it is sometimes easier for men to relieve themselves, so they shouldn't be forced to suffer just because they can pee faster, but I think that in most cases they aren't made to feel guilty for getting relief when the women don't, where as I think that the women are made to feel guilty for seeking relief if it will hold up the group.


"Also with the fact of the long bathroom lines. I see this a lot when going to amusement parks and movie theaters. What I don’t see is women pouting, shaking, or crying. Granted doing that would look childish. It really just proves that women are titans. They’re pretty close to saints as well."


I don't think that women are necessarily saints, we just have to put up with more and when you can't do anything about that what can you do? Pouting, shaking and crying isn't going to do anything to help the situation, so the mature thing to do is to just take it all in stride I suppose, because otherwise what is really the alternative really? Maybe women are just a little bit more mature about this than guys would be, seeing as when guys are forced to wait they are more likely to get rowdy or a bit angry.


The reminded me of this story that I read somewhere about a baseball stadium or some type of sports stadium in Chicago. Basically it was totally notorious for really long lines for the ladies room like snaking around the place and taking a half hour or 45 minutes or more just to get through them, while the men's room was completely empty all the time or had a relatively short wait of no more than a few minutes.


The interesting thing about this story is that it took the women 20 years of patiently sending petitions and making a fuss about it for them to finally add more ladies rooms by taking some of the men's rooms and converting them into ladies rooms. However a problem was that although the lines for the ladies room were now shortened to some degree, the men now had a longer wait, they actually had to wait maybe 15 home minutes, heavens no! So of course the men made a huge fuss about it and were furious so they immediately changed things back to the way they were. It took 20 years of women petitioning and complaining just to get that little extra bathrooms so that they wouldn't have to wait so astonishingly long to use them to relieve themselves, but all it took was one SINGLE complaint for men, one incident like that, and it is sorry ladies guess you have to go back to holding because the men can't take waiting in line. And as far as I know that is the way things still are. Now that I think is one of the absolute best examples I can think of of male privilege!


But again women are not saints, when it comes to relieving ourselves we can be very selfish in the bathroom. Unless someone is may be pregnant or has children there is very little cutting in line, and plenty of people will complain about the line, and once it's finally your turn you don't make the biggest effort to get out of there as quick as possible necessarily. I can't count the number of times I have been waiting desperately and the woman in the stall just takes all day in there. It's not true that women take too long in the bathroom because we are just chating in there, but women definitely don't act like speed demons in the bathroom just because others are waiting, and women don't always leave the bathroom in the best of conditions, as many janitors will attest.


Ultimately though it's not our fault and I think that most women don't realize that. The reason why the ladies room lines are so incredibly long is because with things like urinals men have far more places to go to the bathroom. When you have the fact that women take a lot longer to go to the bathroom in general compounded with the scarcity of inadequate number of toilets is a recipe for disaster. But like I said women are not saints, and although it's not our fault that the bathroom line is as long as it is, we don't necessarily do ourselves favors by making the situation any better or any easier for everyone concerned in line, it's a competitive sort of situation that comes from scarcity.


I think the worst cases where you can see the survival of the fittest behavior in a situation where there is a limited amount of time to use the bathroom and where not everybody is getting to go. In a situation like that you simply want to be first no matter what and too bad for all of those women who come after you might not get to go at all.


But once again, in spite of all these problems and difficulties, you are completely correct, women are just very obedient about patiently waiting in the bathroom line. Women might get annoyed at the other women holding up the line, they might get annoyed at the other women who prevent them from getting to go at all, but you will see very few instances of women transgressing the rules of the bathroom line. Even when they are in a rush to relieve themselves and might only have a limited time to do so, they still wait patiently in the line because really what else can you possibly do? It something that guys simply do not have to deal with the way women do, at least not on a regular basis, except maybe in a rare instance which is few and far between.


Like I do remember one instance of several where there was a situation where there was a limited amount of time to use the bathroom and maybe like two thirds of the women or half of the women didn't get to go to the bathroom. There were like maybe 60 women on the buses and only about 20 women got to go to the bathroom while all the guys got to go to the bathroom. On the bus ride home you could see that the women who didn't get to go to the bathroom towards the back of the bus were all very silent, whereas the women in the front of the bus were much more cheerful and chatty and talkative. But in the back of the bus, all those women, surely they must have been annoyed at the women who got to go before them when they didn't get to go at all, but you didn't see them screaming or raving or starting a riot over the fact that they didn't get to go to the bathroom. No what you saw was a bunch of women quietly sitting patiently in the back of the bus desperately hoping that they will get relief soon, perhaps jealous and annoyed at the women who did get to go already, but in no case do you see them stepping out of line or causing trouble about it. Nope, you just sit there uncomfortably waiting for the next opportunity to relieve yourself.


But yeah when this is true everywhere you go, maybe you just sort of get used to it. Women sort of come to expect lines and plan for them but the fact of the matter is sometimes you do not get to go and extreme altruism in the bathroom is not necessarily the rule. So again we are not saints, we just have to put up with a lot more and there is very little that can be done about it. At any rate it certainly teaches you to be patient, and I can say that my job where I have to hold it has needless to say made me painfully patient!


@Despguy123
"Obviously, if the situation was reversed and it was the women who had to queue up for a single toilet, I imagine most would just cross their legs and wait in line rather than risk getting caught peeing outside."


I think that this too is a very good example and once again it's a matter of simple ease of which men can relieve themselves. It sort of goes back to that old saying that when you are a guy the entire world is basically your bathroom, your toilet. Generally in a situation like that where the men have a long wait they will find other means of relieving themselves because they can do so discreetly. The fact is a woman can't just pee discretely like that, if a woman pops a squat it's extremely obvious what she is doing and she is exposing herself, not just exposing herself physically but also exposing herself to potential perverts who could attack or something like that.


So yes it's it's a weird situation where you will have men who are just going off into the bushes to relieve themselves without any wait whatsoever, where as meanwhile you will have an extremely long line of women patiently standing there with their legs crossed holding on for dear life for one measly toilet, because again what are you going to do, there's no other real option? It's not like you can just go somewhere and relieve yourself as easily, so you all wait patiently for the bathroom.


But yes you are again right, it is an interesting difference in behavior that goes back to the whole point of this thread. When men are forced to wait they will usually get annoyed and break the rules and go out of boundaries to relieve themselves, where as women will just patiently wait however uncomfortably for however long it takes. There are a few women who might be bold and pop a squat, but the majority of women will continue to wait for however long no matter how badly they need to go even if within their line of vision are guys who are just piddling away like it's no big deal.


I haven't been to that many outdoor events as I am not more of an outdoors person, but again as you know I now have an outdoors job, and I can say that I am exactly the same. Prior to this I was saying that I think any woman in a situation like that should riot and rebel and complain and everything like that. But what do I do now that I am in that situation, I patiently cross my legs and hold it, and I even do so while I am standing there with my legs crossed talking to my male coworkers who might have just been peeing in the bushes just a few minutes before and smiling politely like this isn't just totally crazy and unfair. But like I said again, what's the alternative, what can you do about it? Sometimes you just have to be patient and wait because there is no other option.


@Maybeweirdmayb
I think that it's interesting that you say you come from Brazil as the cultural differences are another interesting thing. Despite the fact that I think the rest of the world perceives Brazil is sort of this place where everybody is in small bikinis and is really open sexually, it's also a conservative religious country and patriarchal and everything like that. So it's probably a case where in certain cultures like that women are expected to be more differential and patient than even in America. In America is also something of a religious culture in many areas where there is a squeamishness about bodily functions, but I think here it's even more likely though that some women will pop a squat and go relieve themselves. But I think that most women throughout the world, regardless of culture, are still culturally conditioned to be patient and hold it even to the point of extreme discomfort rather than admit her needs or demand that she be allowed to do something as simple and basic as relieve herself.

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@DesperateJill oh absolutely!

 

Here we are expected to wear small bikinis and short dresses but it’s all for men to look at. Admitting you have to pee is none of their business and it take away from your perfect femininity. If all men here had a pee kink, then it would be super normal. Since they don’t, you are supposed to hold and only pee in the bathroom or where no one is looking. 

Of course it’s not aaaaalways like that but yeah. That’s what happens most of the time. 

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40 minutes ago, DesperateJill said:

since men can relieve themselves easily let them, but since women can't do so as easily they will just have to wait until its convenient

All back to the primitive days of the savages. I agree with you completely and wholeheartedly, but I think there’s also a big cultural difference as well. This taps back in to one of my discussion posts on here about what conditions make this kink different. I really heavily emphasized the importance of English societal values vs. American societal values, but I feel like I was partially wrong in a way. Hearing this, I can say for sure this doesn’t happen as much in America, especially because of the way women act here.

When most women in America are presented with the challenge of needing to pee they usually either are able to take care of it right away, or some of them just complain enough that it actually hurts a group not to slow down. This really says something about how gracious English women are after reading these stories.
 

I feel like this also may have another affect which I covered on as well. In another discussion post I went over how many bathrooms in a school is too many and how many my old high school had as opposed to how many students. In this I went over the ratio of bathrooms to students and it came out pretty large as compared to others for sure, and I have a feeling this is no different in other American schools for this very reason: they don’t want people to complain. Enough people already complain about enough in schools, myself included, but the under installment of bathrooms is certainly not one of them. They want to make sure that if somebody ends up wetting themselves, that it’s their own fault. Jill, I read one of your discussion posts about when you talked about your old school and how it only had one bathroom and I was horrified. I’m sure you only had a few hundred people maximum but one bathroom is simply just asinine, especially in a school. I hope you didn’t struggle too much.

One more factor I already previously spoke of was the bladder shy vs. bladder expressive post but I wanted to extend it a bit here and talk about the effects it has on things like group gatherings. Prejudice is a connotation of a person; judging a person like they are a word from a dictionary, and are static. This often leads to a lack of good will. Say somebody saw you bouncing up and down on one leg and asked you if you were fine. You may have responded with yes or sure but afterwards realized the damage is already done. What registers in a persons mind is their past experiences with you. This and first impressions is what forms a prejudice. So instead of thinking anything else when seeing you shaking and struggling, they might just think it’s no big deal instead. Same goes for those expressive people, who may come off as annoying and a hassle to the group.

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When I was a lad back in the ‘70s I was sometimes taken on day outs with my aunt and uncle, usually fishing at a loch miles from anywhere in the countryside, my aunt would pack a picnic,

she would sit on the rug on the grass reading a book while we fished, on one occasion with us was my uncles mate, the men would fish in the morning then we would have the picnic lunch, at some point the men would need to pee and go behind a bush,

late in the afternoon my aunt would suggest we get moving for home, the men might fend off the request to stay a while longer as enjoying the day out, I would be bored with the fishing so sitting with her she would send me down to the waterside to say to the men that auntie is asking if we can pack up soon, she would be showing signs of needing to pee wiggling her bottom on the rug in obvious need for the toilet,

i would come back to say  the men said a half hour more, she would send me back to say we will pack up and be waiting at the car, we would be at the car and she would be pacing then sitting on a log wiggling her bottom more desperate now, after a half hour she would send me back to the men with a message saying auntie says we must get going as auntie is stressing about finding a ladies soon,

the men would grumble but casually pack up, as the men reached the car and put the equipment away auntie would be asking where the nearest village was and could the men recall if there was a pub or anywhere with a ladies, not stressing enough how bursting she is but visibly she’s doing an involuntary discreet pee dance in her knee length pleated skirt and court shoes, she’s only about 35, the men reach for the cigarettes and light up one last smoke before the journey begins further delaying my aunts relief, she tuts and says sorry but her need for the ladies is urgent, it’s very obvious she’s bursting but the men suggest if it’s urgent to go behind a bush, she replies certainly not,

we get in the car men in the front me and auntie in the back she’s constantly questioning the men on their knowledge of the nearest village and the facilities, I’m tired and caring as she is she rests my head on her lap, she’s fidgeting in her seat bursting to pee, we reach a village and she’s scanning out the window for somewhere to go telling uncle to slow down insisting there must be a place with a ladies there must be...

he suggests we keep going to the next village as there is definitely a pub there She queries how long he suggests 20 mins she exclaims she’s struggling to wait for another 5 mins and is panicking she’s going to have am accident, he stops at the end of the village and motions to a church hall with doors open and someone standing at the door, he says there’s a toilet in there maybe, I say I need too but don’t really, aunt and I are out the car she’s pulling me by the hand we greet the man at the door she quickly explains the situation using me as a bargaining ploy she’s so desperate doing her crossed legs bobbing and cursey  pee dance waiting on the mans response he says there’s a toilet to the left she thanks him and we go in and find it I say I’m needing a lot to try and make her let me go first but she says ‘hold on for a sec honey auntie first’ and she closes the door and releases a torrent of pee,

long story as an example of what we are discussing,

 

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The above story is part made up but in relation to the discussion it was normal back in the 70s in the uk for women to wait, there were no star bucks etc everywhere, shopping centres were few and far and only had public toilets, no in store toilets, men would be in the pubs even some pubs didn’t allow women!!

So everywhere women went shops etc there were very few facilities so bursting on the bus bursting at the shops bursting on the way home were all very common as I have written about here about my poor mothers desperate tales, but that was normal, because society had ruled out peeing in the streets centuries ago linking it to rats and disease so women had to wait, unfortunately the facilities even back in the 70s hadn’t improved much since pre war,

the question relevant to today sadly is that women do still have to wait for other reasons, not due to a lack of facilities but complex social rituals in a male dominated world with different pressures,

 

 

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@Maybeweirdmayb
That's true I think that a lot of men feel that women are there for their amusement and titillation and everything like that and they don't want to know that women do things like go to the bathroom. But you are also right that if every man had a pee fetish that it would be a normal kink. Looking at society as a whole I do sometimes wonder secretly if a lot more men have desperation fetishes then let on. I think that even a lot of them don't have a fetish if they saw a woman squirming and grabbing herself might be turned on by it.


I have never made much of an effort to dress sexy or anything like that but maybe it's because I am a lesbian so I am not in the business of trying to cater to men. The ironic thing is that I think that a majority of people who are enjoying reading about my experiences are guys who find it really amusing reading about a woman who is stuck without getting to go to the bathroom all day! Stuff like that does make you popular in an omorashi community…


@Redboi
I don't doubt that there are a lot of cultural differences and how this kink manifests. I think a lot of Americans have sort of a view that the British have sort of a stiff upper lip and everything like that, but really I think that people in Britain and Europe in general are just more open and liberal minded than Americans and less uptight about anything sexual or bodily functions or anything like that. I think Americans are pretty big and toilet humor, myself admittedly a lot, but actual discussion of things like that, particularly in regards to women relieving themselves I think is still largely a taboo subject here. Again I have never been to England so I can't really speak from experience from that but it seems like a majority of these pee fetish sites in chat rooms are actually UK-based, so I think that it's perhaps more mainstream, no pun intended in the UK than it is here in America.


And again it's true that outside of crowded or outdoor situations that in most cases you can relieve yourself relatively quickly. But again I think across cultures when it's not convenient women are expected to just sort of wait patiently to use the bathroom. I chatted with people in many countries and it seems like a lot of people do report similar situations. A ladies room line is pretty much universal throughout the world that nowhere in the world you hear women having a revolution against the bathroom line or transgressing the bathroom line. And a lot of countries there are fewer public bathroom so women end up having to hold it a lot.


Like last night I was chatting with someone from Amsterdam who said that it's pretty common for them to have street urinals all over the place where as a woman might have to search for an hour to find a decent public toilet for herself to use and often have to pay for the privilege. So again it's a situation where men are able to relieve themselves rather quickly where as women are are expected to wait patiently until its convenient to take care of their relief in a way that's not going to inconvenience every else.


I remember reading your other post about the abundance of public bathrooms at your school and I was like practically crossing my legs and getting water in the eyes thinking of what a bathroom utopia you must live in! In my case it wasn't that the school only had one bathroom, that they closed all of the girls bathrooms except for one of them because they found drugs and alcohol in one of the girls bathrooms. So it's one of my personal pet peeves that they went through where they are going to punish everyone for the actions of a few, and that is a pretty big punishment to make everybody be bathroom deprived because of the actions of a few girls. But the main frustration of that for me was that it wasn't similarly a situation where the boys bathroom was closed, although in the second year of that they actually did eventually close the boys bathrooms due to drugs as well, but even then the men still had twice as many places to go even with only one bathroom open.


Again this was nearly 20 years ago now so maybe things have changed in the meantime, although I heard that my old school has a pretty bad drug problem now so I suppose it's got worse since I left. I managed to deal with it by going to the bathroom but otherwise it was a lot of desperation. However as far as I know nobody ever complained about it. I think maybe now people take students rights more seriously but back then you are expected to go between class and if you didn't go then too bad really. So even though there was 750 girls in the school and only five stalls and four minutes between class I guess they considered that not to be a problem, although I have to assume that lots of other girls other than me were probably also desperate much of the day.


And I think you are also right that if you are desperate all the time and always complaining about the bathroom people tend to develop sort of a prejudice about you that you're just being hysterical or making a scene or something like that and they don't take US seriously, which I think is the case in my situation.


@SoBursting
I have read you posting that account in another thread before and I'm still finding that astonishing but I can totally relate. For one thing I kind of wonder if the reason why my mom and aunts develop such a large bladder is not just because they went to Catholic school but because they grew up in the 50s and 60s when bathroom access for women was probably even worse than it is today so they just develop that tendency to avoid using public bathrooms because maybe they weren't available widely.


I can also relate to the part about being outdoors with a group of guys like that. Like I used to go out into the woods on long walks with my boy cousins and sometimes some of their guy friends where I am the only woman on the hike. Naturally they just relieve themselves in the bushes with the trees and everything while I have to hold it basically the entire time. Not wanting to be the killjoy of the group you try not to say anything but eventually after a few hours you just like, okay we really have to start getting home now I'm bursting here! So basically are excursions in the woods would last as long as my bladder could take and I would always come home absolutely bursting pretty much running for the bathroom by the time we got back. So once and it's one of those classic situations where the guys can go to the ladies have to keep holding it, and I have to say it really does develop your patience!

 

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I think as others have said there is no binary answer on this as each person ha a different personality and that shows with their attitude to needing to pee. It is easy to generalise though and you can often see women behaviour in two extremes, those who almost love others to know and will loudly exclaim how desperate they are at slightest urge and those who are shy and try to hide it. The reality is so many shades in between but clearly all have to learn to hold it at times and deal with this differently and so while a lot of women will take precautions and pee she hardly have an urge often they can wait a long time when they have to and many will not grumble and see it is a fact of life. 

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I think you make a good point and it should also be pointed out that women might respond differently based on who they are with. When I am with friends and family already know that I always go to the bathroom everywhere I go I am not shy about announcing that I need to go to the bathroom. With coworkers or people that I don't know or in a formal situation I feel more guilty about asking where the bathrooms are or can I have a bathroom break or something that. Again even though I am a person who always wants to have access to the bathroom I am one of those people who will not break the rules to do so, not now, not in high school, not when I was a child. Once again waiting obediently and patiently.

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Yes you definitely do seem to stick to the “bathroom rules” even in extreme circumstances. You may analyse and complain here but you try to hide need and don’t “break the rules” as you see them. It makes it all the more incredible you have that one time peed outdoors as you wouldn’t usually see that as within the rules

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I have to admit that is true, although I like to see myself as a female social justice bathroom warrior Che Guevara type, the truth is I find it very hard to go against the rules and everything like that. Maybe it's because I'm realizing I'm on the autistic spectrum but I find it very hard to go against the order and routine and stuff like that. That one time that I actually went outside was simply because I was going end up wetting myself one way or another, and after that I made sure that I would never let that happen again no matter how much bladder pain I had to endure.


And that's the thing that I kind of hate about myself, once again how complacent I have become to the situation. Now I sit there with my legs crossed all day holding like a little soldier ready to burst and obediently and patiently wait until we get back to base so I can relieve myself. I wish I was otherwise, but when it comes down to it I am very much not a bold or daring person.


But then again going along with the theme of this thread maybe that's not so atypical, women really just do with a lot of bladder discomfort regardless of these situations tend to be patient about getting that relief no matter how desperately we want it!

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45 minutes ago, DesperateJill said:

That one time that I actually went outside was simply because I was going end up wetting myself one way or another

Was this at your job? What happened that led to you being so desperate and how did it feel to urinate outside?

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