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Any other tomboys here?


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This isn't related to Omo I know, but it's something that is (or at least was) a big part of my life so I thought it would be interesting to make a general post about.

When I was a kid and through most of my teens I never felt very feminine or that I had much in common with most other girls, but I tried to fit in anyway. Then when I was about 20 I just said fuck it, and I went into a major tomboy phase where I got my hair cut short in a pixie cut, stopped wearing any makeup and refused to wear anything other than jeans, t-shirts, flannel shirts, hoodies and converse shoes (all of which I still regularly wear). When saw myself in the mirror the first time after this makeover, it was the first time in a while that I'd looked at myself and actually liked what I was seeing, and I felt so much more relaxed and confident because I was finally being myself instead of how other people wanted me to look.

My mum wasn't so happy with the change though, her reaction was "why do you want to look like a teenage boy?" and she had the view that if I dressed casual and boyish, that somehow meant I wasn't taking care of myself properly, I still don't really understand that. It was also around this time that I started to properly take up skateboarding as a hobby, I guess on some level that was also about trying to show everyone how tough and unfeminine I was. My mum wasn't very pleased with that either, but actually her disapproval of the new me just made me even more determined to stick with it, it was a rebellion against the expectations of society. My dad actually didn't mind, he was happy for me to just be myself and he was probably just happy that my rebellion hadn't involved going to wild parties and taking drugs and that sort of thing. He even admitted on a few occasions that he thought my new style looked rather cool. 

My rejection of everything feminine lasted a few years, and during this time if I had to go to a family wedding where I needed to wear a dress and put on some makeup, I'd then spend the entire day sulking and constantly complaining about how much I hated being girly. So the irony there is that while at the time I told myself I didn't care about what other people thought, at the same time I was also desperate to prove to everybody how much of a tomboy I was, and how I was so different from all those other girls out there, so the whole thing was rather immature really and I grew out of it eventually.

Now that I'm older and wiser and more confident generally, well I'm still a tomboy, but I'm more flexible with it now. One day I might be fully "butch" in a flannel shirt and jeans, the next day I might be much more feminine in a nice dress and some earrings and jewellery, another day maybe something in between. What I learnt is that femininity isn't is an all or nothing thing, you can pick and choose where you want to fit on that spectrum depending on your mood. When I was younger I tended to just see everything in black and white. 

Anyway, that's my rather rambling story of my own gender expression, if anybody has similar or different experiences and wants to share them, feel free too. People of any gender identity are free to comment. 

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On 5/17/2021 at 11:23 AM, LizJWetting said:

This isn't related to Omo I know, but it's something that is (or at least was) a big part of my life so I thought it would be interesting to make a general post about.

When I was a kid and through most of my teens I never felt very feminine or that I had much in common with most other girls, but I tried to fit in anyway. Then when I was about 20 I just said fuck it, and I went into a major tomboy phase where I got my hair cut short in a pixie cut, stopped wearing any makeup and refused to wear anything other than jeans, t-shirts, flannel shirts, hoodies and converse shoes (all of which I still regularly wear). When saw myself in the mirror the first time after this makeover, it was the first time in a while that I'd looked at myself and actually liked what I was seeing, and I felt so much more relaxed and confident because I was finally being myself instead of how other people wanted me to look.

My mum wasn't so happy with the change though, her reaction was "why do you want to look like a teenage boy?" and she had the view that if I dressed casual and boyish, that somehow meant I wasn't taking care of myself properly, I still don't really understand that. It was also around this time that I started to properly take up skateboarding as a hobby, I guess on some level that was also about trying to show everyone how tough and unfeminine I was. My mum wasn't very pleased with that either, but actually her disapproval of the new me just made me even more determined to stick with it, it was a rebellion against the expectations of society. My dad actually didn't mind, he was happy for me to just be myself and he was probably just happy that my rebellion hadn't involved going to wild parties and taking drugs and that sort of thing. He even admitted on a few occasions that he thought my new style looked rather cool. 

My rejection of everything feminine lasted a few years, and during this time if I had to go to a family wedding where I needed to wear a dress and put on some makeup, I'd then spend the entire day sulking and constantly complaining about how much I hated being girly. So the irony there is that while at the time I told myself I didn't care about what other people thought, at the same time I was also desperate to prove to everybody how much of a tomboy I was, and how I was so different from all those other girls out there, so the whole thing was rather immature really and I grew out of it eventually.

Now that I'm older and wiser and more confident generally, well I'm still a tomboy, but I'm more flexible with it now. One day I might be fully "butch" in a flannel shirt and jeans, the next day I might be much more feminine in a nice dress and some earrings and jewellery, another day maybe something in between. What I learnt is that femininity isn't is an all or nothing thing, you can pick and choose where you want to fit on that spectrum depending on your mood. When I was younger I tended to just see everything in black and white. 

Anyway, that's my rather rambling story of my own gender expression, if anybody has similar or different experiences and wants to share them, feel free too. People of any gender identity are free to comment. 

I'm a transgender female who's a Tom boy and yea I have some flannel shirts but I feel i need more, but it's nice to meet a fellow tomboy.

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I'm in the mirror-image situation.   I used to say "sissy" but everyone thinks that means guys who get their rocks off on being *humiliated* by being *feminized* and that's not at all what I mean.  Just not into the being-masculine thing at all, never was.  Anyway, I think tomboys rock.  

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On 5/18/2021 at 9:22 PM, Red Simpson said:

I'm a transgender female who's a Tom boy and yea I have some flannel shirts but I feel i need more, but it's nice to meet a fellow tomboy.

Well, I certainly don't think there is such a thing as having too many flannel shirts, anyway... 

Nice to meet you too.

39 minutes ago, KnottyBuoy said:

I'm in the mirror-image situation.   I used to say "sissy" but everyone thinks that means guys who get their rocks off on being *humiliated* by being *feminized* and that's not at all what I mean.  Just not into the being-masculine thing at all, never was.  Anyway, I think tomboys rock.  

I do sometimes wonder if being a guy who looks/behaves stereotypically feminine is even more socially frowned upon than being a woman who is more masculine. Either way, it's pretty crappy that people are expected to just rigidly fit into these gender norms.

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5 hours ago, LizJWetting said:Either way, it's pretty crappy that people are expected to just rigidly fit into these gender norms.

It’s funny, when I read your post, my initial thought was that I don’t really think those kinds of gender norms really exist as much anymore. I mean is there even such a thing as a ‘tomboy’ anymore?

To me that’s from an era where girls were expected to wear dresses and play with dolls. I’d really like to think we’re past that. But I guess maybe that’s just wishful thinking. 

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10 hours ago, PrincessPeeach said:

It’s funny, when I read your post, my initial thought was that I don’t really think those kinds of gender norms really exist as much anymore. I mean is there even such a thing as a ‘tomboy’ anymore?

To me that’s from an era where girls were expected to wear dresses and play with dolls. I’d really like to think we’re past that. But I guess maybe that’s just wishful thinking. 

Well these gender norms definitely do still exist, but probably aren't seen to be as much of a big deal these days. But then when I was going through this phase it was ten years ago and I think things were rather different then, like when I was growing up if someone was to describe themselves as gender-fluid or non-binary the majority of people would probably have had no idea what such terms meant, while no today it's not that unusual to hear someone describing themselves as such, so I think people in their teens and 20s now are probably a lot more open to the idea of people not fitting into gender norms or social norms in general. Those in older generations might not be so tolerant. But like I said, it was also a rather dumb and immature reaction from me at the time anyway, so was partly my issues rather than those of anybody else.

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I'm also quite a tomboy. I've never like girly things and I sometimes act more like a male than a female. I've never tried make-up, cause I've never thought that's something for me. I don't wear skirts or dresses, cause I don't feel like myself in them and I always sit "unladylike", so my panties would be visible.

I don't feel 100% like the female, and people sometimes mistakes my gender.

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9 hours ago, JuliusSlouchy said:

I'm also quite a tomboy. I've never like girly things and I sometimes act more like a male than a female. I've never tried make-up, cause I've never thought that's something for me. I don't wear skirts or dresses, cause I don't feel like myself in them and I always sit "unladylike", so my panties would be visible.

I don't feel 100% like the female, and people sometimes mistakes my gender.

Yeah I get what you mean. I've also been mistaken for a boy a few times, which is sometimes embarrassing but actually never bothered me that much.

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20 minutes ago, LizJWetting said:

Yeah I get what you mean. I've also been mistaken for a boy a few times, which is sometimes embarrassing but actually never bothered me that much.

It's similar for me. I feel kinda awkward in those situations, but I don't really care.

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13 hours ago, JuliusSlouchy said:

I'm also quite a tomboy. I've never like girly things and I sometimes act more like a male than a female. I've never tried make-up, cause I've never thought that's something for me. I don't wear skirts or dresses, cause I don't feel like myself in them and I always sit "unladylike", so my panties would be visible.

I don't feel 100% like the female, and people sometimes mistakes my gender.

I only wear skirts and dresses, and had no idea there was a ladylike way of sitting. I have a tomboy friend who came to me once because she wanted to try being a girly-girl, and that's how I dress; and that's she complained about that. My response was to tell her that I didn't mind and that she'd get used to it too. 😅

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On 5/21/2021 at 1:29 PM, JuliusSlouchy said:

It's similar for me. I feel kinda awkward in those situations, but I don't really care.

So, I take it then you don't mind that until I read your posts here, I thought you were male (if only because of your username)?

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1 hour ago, The Dark Wolf said:

So, I take it then you don't mind that until I read your posts here, I thought you were male (if only because of your username)?

My friend made this nickname while we were in elementary school, and I kept it. I just like it. (It was Julius The Slouch, but I think it was too long or something for username on this side)

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I've decided that I need to reply to this without really knowing what I'm going to say, but the gist of it is that what you describe sounds pretty much exactly like a description of a really good friend of mine who I knew all through school (and still do). The girls in the group of friends that I spent most of my time with were really all like that to some extent. I don't know whether it's as a result of that, or whether there was already something there, but I found that I generally felt much more comfortable forming friendships with them than I did with boys. I don't think I ever doubted who I was (nor do I think that she, or indeed any of the others, did either), but I do think that it made it difficult to contemplate friendships vs relationships, because they were the type of girls that I found that I was attracted to but also they were so important to me as friends.

The rebellion certainly happened before 20 in my friend's case (as I said, we were all at school - so probably nearer to 14 or 15). Not so much hair, but definitely dresses, and make-up was an absolute no!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was more or less a tomboy.  I don't climb trees and play in the mud anymore, but even now most of the games and hobbies overwhelmingly attract men and I was one of the only women with my major in school and now in my job I am one of only a few women.  I still wear dresses and skirts and am very comfortable being female though.

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15 hours ago, Chame1eon said:

I was more or less a tomboy.  I don't climb trees and play in the mud anymore, but even now most of the games and hobbies overwhelmingly attract men and I was one of the only women with my major in school and now in my job I am one of only a few women.  I still wear dresses and skirts and am very comfortable being female though.

What was your major, if I may ask?

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I also ended up choosing a job that's fairly stereotypically masculine. I'm not sure I feel that comfortable saying what it is though, just in case someone was to recognise me based on that. But again when I was in college I was one of very few women taking that route.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I knew a few tomboys growing up, one in my high school class I actually initially mistook for a guy because she had a very boyish haircut and a gender-neutral name(albeit with a female spelling as I later learned) and she was flat-chested to the point where I couldn't even tell she had breasts and she always more athletic clothing like shorts and sweatpants and t-shirts, never ever saw her wear a skirt.  There was also a girl on my bus who was pretty tomboyish who always wore pants and was plus-size.  Neither of them liked the teen-pop music that was popular at the time and were more into rock music.

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6 hours ago, LifeIsStrange said:

I knew a few tomboys growing up, one in my high school class I actually initially mistook for a guy because she had a very boyish haircut and a gender-neutral name(albeit with a female spelling as I later learned) and she was flat-chested to the point where I couldn't even tell she had breasts and she always more athletic clothing like shorts and sweatpants and t-shirts, never ever saw her wear a skirt.  There was also a girl on my bus who was pretty tomboyish who always wore pants and was plus-size.  Neither of them liked the teen-pop music that was popular at the time and were more into rock music.

I'm also flat-chested with no indication of breasts, and largely due to my dad's influence I've always liked rock music and hated teen pop music.

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Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, LifeIsStrange said:

I knew a few tomboys growing up, one in my high school class I actually initially mistook for a guy because she had a very boyish haircut and a gender-neutral name(albeit with a female spelling as I later learned) and she was flat-chested to the point where I couldn't even tell she had breasts and she always more athletic clothing like shorts and sweatpants and t-shirts, never ever saw her wear a skirt.  There was also a girl on my bus who was pretty tomboyish who always wore pants and was plus-size.  Neither of them liked the teen-pop music that was popular at the time and were more into rock music.

Oh I definitely have breasts, but funnily enough I've still got mistaken for a guy anyway by shopkeepers and the like who I guess don't look that closely, lol. My music tastes have always been a bit vague with liking a bit of most things so it's hard for me to properly explain what I do and don't like, so I guess there's not really a connection there for me.

Edited by LizJWetting (see edit history)
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  • 4 weeks later...

That's me.

When I had short hair, I have been confused for a scrawny 12 y/o boy.

I have a ponytail and dress more feminine these days, so I usually get confused for an anorexic 12 y/o girl instead.

I'm also a fairly stereotypical butch lesbian and total nerd.  I think I still qualify.

Edited by randomkath (see edit history)
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