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female Paige: My Story About How I Became A Semi-Incontinent Bed Wetter Because Of Nappies.


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Chapter 29

 

 I sat there in my bench puddle, my feet in the floor puddle, and lowered my head onto my folded arms on top of my warm and closed laptop, and sucked in a shuddery breath, trying my hardest not to cry, but not fully succeeding, and I felt a couple of tears escaping. I wasn’t crying simply because I’d wet myself, but because it had been such a mega-stressful morning already, and although the worst of it was over, I felt like a complete failure. I raised my head briefly and looked around, perhaps trying to convince myself that I was being overly dramatic, but all that did was reaffirm exactly how pathetic I was feeling at that moment. My bed was in front of me, wet sheets, towel, and pee pad on full display, my yoga pants were almost completely saturated, and my feet were in a rapidly cooling puddle. There was another puddle waiting for me on the laundry floor, along with two diapers to bag and dispose of, and I already had more washing to do. Not counting wetting in my sleep, I’d fully pissed myself twice inside of two hours, and I hadn’t even been trying to do a hold or played at being naughty or cute. My van literally stunk. 

 I got up, and literally splashed my way to the mirror. My pants were completely wet all down the front and inside of my legs, and my butts wetness wrapped all the way underneath me to join the wetness between my legs. The sides of my hips were the only unscathed parts left untouched by my urine, even my lower legs were almost encased it wetness. Fuck, even my hoodie was wet around the hem, and had wicked the pee up towards my tummy, meaning that my t-shirt was wet as well. I definitely needed a shower, but I had to clean up first, but to top it all off, I was beginning to feel the need to poop. 

 “NO PAIGE! YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT DOING THAT IN HERE AGAIN,” Angel Voice informed me sternly, although I don’t really know why, as I had absolutely no intention of ever doing that again. Well, not just then, anyway. 

 I peeled my yoga pants off, with them making a hideous, wet schlepping sound as I struggled to get them to my ankles before finally freeing myself, then tossed them onto my bed, before adding my hoodie and shirt, leaving me naked, and glistening with pee. I tore the top sheet and wet towel from the bed, dropping them onto the floor, and used my foot to wipe as much pee from the floor as I could. I absorbed all of the lake, but the vinyl floor remained sticky, as did the bench seat. After doing as much as I could, I threw the now equally soaked towel and sheet, along with my clothes, into the big tub. After performing a similar effort in the laundry, I again filled the sink up with warm, soapy water for the second time. 

 As the sink filled, I found myself starting to press my legs together at the sound of the running water, and realised that although I’d completely and utterly peed myself only fifteen minutes ago, I probably hadn’t fully emptied my bladder because I’d been sitting down. I simply wasn’t in the mood to contemplate any further holding, or potentially naughty playtime just then, and just wanted to get clean and dressed again as soon as possible, then go for a crap, before I disgraced myself once more. Admittedly the chances of that particular thing happening again were probably non-existent, but after the morning that I’d had, I wasn’t going to take anything for granted. 

 What I did next was not a playtime or naughty thing, but simply an act of considered necessity. I wasn’t in any sort of mood for fun, but was feeling rather frazzled, and simply wanted to get everything cleaned up quickly, with myself being the first priority. I’d already lost all faith in my body’s ability to control itself when it came to pee stuff, and I just wanted to make sure that I was completely empty, and not likely to wet myself or my floor while I was cleaning up the literal toilet that I was currently living in. I was being methodical and not lazy, horny or naughty, as I straddled the plastic tub on the floor that held all of my shame, then squatted down as low as I possibly could over the top of its contents. 

 I relaxed my bladder, but nothing happened, so I carefully pushed, being so careful not to poop at the same time, but still nothing came out. I readjusted my stance, and used my fingers to open my pee hole up a bit, feeling their cold grip on my smooth, hairless pussy. Again I pushed a bit, just trying to empty my bladder before having a good wash, and while I could feel myself trying to let go, I guess my body had its reservations about peeing naked in a tub full of clothes in my laundry. 

 I gave another little push, trying to get the flow started without pooping in the tub at the same time, but still had no success, when suddenly….

 *Knock Knock Knock* on my door, followed by Elsies voice, “Paige, are you in their darling?”

 The shock was so great, that I suddenly felt a strong wet squirt on my hand, as I began urinating through my fingers, coating the wet clothes, sheets and towels in the tub, and creating what seemed like an incredibly loud splattering sound as my solid stream also bounced off the inside rim and bottom of the plastic.

 I put the side of my right hand into my mouth and bit down softly on it, trying not to make a single sound, but tasting the stale piss from earlier, while I realised that I hadn’t locked the door after my morning smoke! If Elsie should happen to open the door, the first thing that she would see, would be me, stark naked, legs akimbo over the tub, with a solid stream of pee arcing backwards and forwards over a bunch of wet washing. 

 *Knock Knock* Paige? Are you in there dear?”

 I held my breath in fear, not able to move at all while I peed, expecting the door to burst open at any moment, but it didn’t, and soon I heard footsteps crunching away across the gravel. 

 I had to hold that awkward position until the trickles stopped, and I sucked in a silent breath to relax, and felt my body sagging with relief as my bladder finally emptied, and the immediate threat walked off. 

 The relief of both was so much, that as I relaxed, I farted.  Big time. It was loud enough that I was scared that Elsie might have heard it, and for a brief second I actually thought that I was going to shit, but thankfully, neither thing happened, and I was able to stand up straight again and hobble to the sink for a much needed wash at last. 

 Fuck. What a day. It was still only early to. So much time still left for more stuff to go wrong yet. Angel Voice started to remonstrate with me for being so negative, but I shut her up straight away. So far, my day had totally sucked, and if I wanted to wallow in self pity for awhile, then Goddammit, that was my right to do so. Once again my body had failed me, probably due to visual and mental stimulation, I was tired, hungry, smelly, sticky, embarrassed, and I could feel the beginning of a hangover starting to creep in. 

 I splashed some hot, soapy water onto the floor, and swished my feet in it, trying to dislodge the drying pee puddle, then started a full body wash, beginning with my armpits and breasts. I’d definitely be having a shower later, but I needed to get myself cleaned up enough to go poop. I washed myself thoroughly and messily, deliberately splashing a lot of water all over the floor, raising my feet up one at a time onto the sink, so I could fully clean myself between my legs and my butt cheeks. I diligently scrubbed between my toes, behind my knees, my lower back and tummy, along with anywhere else that might have been marinating in pee. Which was damn near everywhere. 

 Using a clean towel from yesterday’s laundry, I finally scrubbed myself dry, before dropping the towel onto the floor and using my feet to push it around and soak the water up. I’d still need to mop it properly later, but I just wanted to get rid of the pee smell ASAP. 

 My feet were cold, so I paused long enough to raid the clean laundry for my fresh white ankle socks, then padded over to slip my crocs on before taking the wet towel inside to wipe the van floor again. Only once that was done, did I finally give some thought towards getting dressed. 

 I’ll admit, that under more normal circumstances, peeing naked into a bucket in my laundry, and walking around naked while cleaning may have been a turn on for me, but not then. I just wanted to get everything out of the way so I could finally relax and focus on my day. 

 My tummy rumbled, urging me to hurry up and go to the toilet, so I reached into my drawer for panties, but paused, pulling my hand back. I opened the drawer beside that one, and took out a butterfly pull up instead. Not because I particularly wanted to wear one just then, but I kind of needed to poop, was about to go to the toilet, and the way my morning was going I’d probably end up having an accident of some sort before I got there. I took a moment to put some baby powder and lotion on, front and back, and I finally began to actually feel clean again. After donning my sweats, jumper, and now obligatory face mask, I felt safe and protected enough to venture outside. 

 I approached the toilet block with a feeling of dread bubbling away inside me. I was almost convinced that I’d wet myself, perhaps worse, as soon as I entered, but apart from feeling a disquieting loosening feeling from both my bladder and bowels, I made it safely inside a cubicle without soiling myself in any way. The alcohol I’d drank yesterday appeared to have stirred my gut up a bit, but overall, the visit was clean, refreshing, and without incident. 

 I did begin to feel the first stirrings of naughtiness however, as I sat perched on my porcelain throne, looking down at the clean, fluffy little dipe that was nestled in the crotch of my sweatpants…..

 NO PAIGE. SERIOUSLY? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING! 

 Angel Voice was right. After the morning I’d had, and the cleanup that still lay in front of me, getting naughty feelings from diapers should be the last thing on my mind. I mentally chastised myself, but still, I had to admit, the little pull up DID look awfully cute sitting inside my pants, puddled around my little white socks. I told myself that I could have some playtime later, but I had to be a grownup for now, and finish cleaning up my mess. 

 Back home again, and I got stuck into it properly. I finished completely stripping the bed, used a spray cleaner all over the table and bench seats,as well as my vinyl mattress protector, then mopped the floor, plus the laundry as well. My washing machine was now full again already, so I turned that on as well, then made a cup of tea, telling myself that I was being good by abstaining from coffee, although deep down I knew that tea could have a similar effect on me as well. 

 I ran a critical eye over my “house,” and deemed it to finally be clean again, so I grabbed my smokes, then sighed with frustration when I discovered that I only had one left. 

 “Screw it. Go get more,” Devil Voice intoned, and I agreed with her. I’d promised Angel that I’d only be buying that one packet, but I was a flustered, nervous wreck, and with all the drama that my body was causing me, I had enough to worry about without going through nicotine withdrawal at the same time. I promised Angel that as soon as I regained at least my regular level of control over my bladder, then I’d DEFINITELY stop smoking again, and that would be it. 

 I was standing outside smoking, and finally starting to feel relaxed for the first time, head down, lost in the latest social media updates on my phone, when a familiar voice beckoned me. 

 “Yoo-Hoo! Hello Paige!”

 Looking up, I saw Elsie approaching, and while I managed a smile, I cringed internally. 

 “You ARE home,” she commented, “I thought you were! I knocked on your door earlier. I thought I could hear movement, but you didn’t answer?”

 I was put on the spot, and felt like a deer caught in the headlines of an oncoming truck. I felt my pee hole momentarily quiver and loosen, although nothing leaked out. I guess it was a classic physical response to feeling trapped or helpless I suppose. I automatically crossed my legs, leaning back on my car, and tried to look calm and nonchalant. 

 “Morning Elsie. Did you? I’m so sorry! I’ve been home all morning! I must’ve had my ear buds in I guess. I’ve been busy today, uh, cleaning up a lot I guess.”

 She smiled and nodded with understanding. “Ahhh. That certainly explains it then. I was so sure that I heard movement in there, but couldn’t be positive. I know what those bud-things are like. When Tiarni has hers in, it’s like she’s on a completely different planet sometimes! Next time, I might open the door and stick my head in, aye?”

 I actually shuddered, and felt just a tiny drip of pee leak out. I’d had a vivid mental image of Elsie opening my door, to see me standing spread-legged naked, urinating on my clothes in the tub. 

 “Th-that’s fine,” I managed to stammer, making a mental to ensure that my annex door would remained permanently locked from now on. 

 I nervously but casually pulled at the front of my pants for a second, worried that my little drip might be showing on my grey sweats, but I relaxed instantly when my fingers detected the padding that I’d forgotten about. 

 Devil Voice whispered something about how that was actual proof that wearing diapers was a good thing, although I knew deep down that it was the diapers that had put me into this position in the first place! 

 “So, what was it you wanted?” I enquired. 

 Elsie beamed a big smile at me. “Oh, nothing really important dear. Tiarni and myself wanted to know if you’d like to pop around later for afternoon tea perhaps? I’m making Ti’s favourite chocolate cake, and her online learning thingamajig will be finished by two o’clock, so we were wondering if you’d like to come around at say, two thirty or so?”

 To be honest, visiting them wasn’t high on my priority list, as I was worried that it might set off my incontinence issues, but, at the same time, perhaps it could be good practice for me as well. You know, deliberately putting myself into a position where an accident might happen, but also making sure that my padding would protect me. After all, I had to take a risk at some point. I couldn’t not ever leave my home again! And besides, chocolate cake…

 My natural shyness kicked in, making me not want to disappoint the old girl. 

 “Half two? Thanks Elsie! I’ll see you then…..”

 

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Chapter 30

 

 I sighed to myself as Elsie walked off. Once again my timid nature had let me down. Instead of finding a polite excuse not to go, I’d folded like a house of cards and agreed to it instead. Oh well. I was prepared to go along and give it a chance at least. The old lady and her granddaughter were really sweet people, and who knows, it might be fun. At the least, it would be good for my experiments, as no doubt something pee related would be mentioned by one of them, and if I was safely padded in a big dipe, any unexpected leaks would be contained. It would be a good practice run for the future. 

 By that time, my lurking hangover was trying to make its presence felt. I didn’t have a headache, but I was having trouble focusing my thoughts, I was beginning to feel so hungry that I was starting to feel ill, and I was tired. The answer was obvious. I needed some greasy food, and a nap. Angel Voice was muttering something about how I hadn’t been eating healthy over the last few days, and perhaps a sandwich and a jog might make me feel better instead, but I couldn’t be bothered. I usually only went running perhaps three times a week, and I’d already been two days in a row, so I felt no guilt about that, and let’s be real, hot greasy food is perfect for a hangover affected stomach. Besides, I needed cigarettes anyway. 

 Angel piped up again, telling me to take my little pull up off before I left, as I was supposed to be re-potty training myself again, and I shouldn’t put myself in the position of perhaps letting myself give in to temptation by wearing a diaper that I may decide to wet, but I ignored that advice as well, which made Devil Voice chuckle. Potty training was vitally important, but I just couldn’t trust my body enough just then to leave the house without some sort of protection on, and the kiddie diaper was perfect. 

 Why I hear you ask? Simple. I knew that I couldn’t deliberately flood myself wearing one, because it would be next to useless if I did, but it could more than adequately compensate for some small, accidental leaks, should they occur.  So hopefully, my potty training would prevent me from the temptation of deliberate wetting, but also give me the necessary protection that I needed. It was exactly like I’d originally planned I suppose, before things had started spiralling out of control, and besides, I liked how they felt. 

 I did pull my diaper down to check it for wetness after feeling that little leak earlier, but I couldn’t see or feel anything amiss about it at all. The padding was still snow white and clean, and my gently probing fingers detected no wetness whatsoever, so perhaps I hadn’t even leaked at all. It was probably just the involuntary loosening of my holding muscles that I’d felt whilst talking to Elsie, and nothing more. 

 Great. Now I couldn’t even be sure if or when I wet myself. This needed to stop, and soon. 

 “So take the nappy off,” Angel Voice intoned cheerfully, but I didn’t. It made me feel safe, secure, and Goddammit, cute. After the morning full of disgust and shame that I’d been through, I thought that I deserved to do something that made me feel better. She could sue me. 

 The laundromat was my first stop, and I quickly loaded my wet washing into the dryer, feeling somehow dirty and ashamed as I stuffed the clean but wet sheets in. I know it sounds silly, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that if anyone saw me, they would somehow magically know that I’d wet my bed last night. The same embarrassment was there as I added my yoga pants and hoodie as well, and I’m sure I was blushing heavily until I’d closed the lid! I felt really naughty, and I’ll admit that I quite liked it, although common sense told me that I was being stupid. 

 While the dryer was working it’s magic, I went for a walk, my mask covering my still blushing cheeks, giving me the anonymity that I enjoyed. I strolled to the gas station where I once again paid a kings ransom for cigarettes, and bought an iced tea at the same time, after giving quick consideration towards the soda and energy drinks. 

 This WAS a carefully considered idea. I was genuinely thirsty, but didn’t want anything that would irritate my bladder. Yes, iced tea would eventually make me need to pee, but it wouldn’t actually irritate my bladder at all. Although day one of potty training hadn’t gotten off to a great start, I was still determined to try my best. For now at least, my previous plans of drinking excessive amounts and attempting to hold were off the table. I’d really enjoyed doing it, and no doubt would do it again soon, but not now. Not when I had a social engagement to attend later. Drinking lots and doing holds was probably something that would stick with me forever, because it was so much fun to do, but I needed to be a lot smarter about how and when I did it. Not only did I not want to be getting desperate, or even worse, wet, at Elsies, but after the past couple of days, I needed to retrain not just my mind, but also my actual bladder itself. Perhaps my accidents were being helped along because I’d actually stretched my bladder or holding muscles too far, and they may need time to recover? Maybe it was purely a mental thing? I didn’t know. What I did know, was that my potty training would be doomed for immediate failure from the very beginning if I continued to consume the ridiculous amounts of liquids that I’d been partaking of over the past couple of days. But, I was actually thirsty just then, and as long as I kept my intake to a normal level, and didn’t try to hold on for too long, then I should be fine. After all, a girl still has to drink, doesn’t she? 

 After returning to the rear car park, I lit another cigarette, feeling a bit concerned with just how quickly I’d found myself becoming addicted again. I guess I always knew that buying smokes the other day could lead to that, but I guess I’d kind of thought that after not smoking for so long, buying a single packet wouldn’t hurt me, but now I’d been proven wrong. Yeah. I know. Classic rookie mistake. I was already back to the stage of getting cravings, and the feeling of NEEDING to smoke again. No doubt at all, I’d soon have to give it up again. 

 But not just now, at that moment. Just then, I had way more important things to concentrate on giving up, like peeing my pants in public. 

 I stood in the surprisingly warm sunshine while I smoked, sipping away on my tea, and playing with my phone. I messaged my mum and my sister, checked Facebook and Insta, and basically killed a few minutes, just relaxing. After carefully butting out my smoke, I found a bin to put it in, and decided to visit the liquor store again for some more vodka drinks. Although I wasn’t in the mood to drink anymore alcohol today, it might save me a trip back here in the immediate future. Finishing my tea and disposing of the plastic bottle, I proceeded towards the shops. 

 I approached the liquor store with some trepidation, praying that nobody there had witnessed my large accident in the parking lot the other day, and if they had, my mask would successfully hide my identity. My cheeks were again burning with shame and embarrassment as I entered, especially after seeing the screens sending CCTV footage from the car park, in glorious colour as well. On the camera, I could recognise the exact spot where I’d soaked my pink sweat pants earlier, but I had to hope that either nobody had been watching, or that they wouldn’t recognise me. At least the face masks gave me that advantage I suppose. 

 Seeing how clear the camera vision was made me suddenly nervous. Beyond nervous actually, it was physically scary, and I felt my holding muscles twitching a bit, although nothing leaked out, probably only because I’d peed lots before coming out, and my iced tea would still be floating around inside my stomach or kidneys, not having had enough time to filter through. 

 It was with more than a little trepidation sending butterflies through my tummy that I approached the big drinks fridge, the memory of how the icy blast of cold air had affected me last time, but I gritted my teeth, held my legs tightly together, and was able to extract both vodka and beer out without disgracing myself, which seemed like a positive win for me. 

 Devil Voice disagreed though. “Don’t be stupid Paigey. Not wetting your pants when you don’t even have to go isn’t a win you know. Even babies don’t pee their nappies when their bladders are empty! It’s the holding on that counts most you know! If you could do this and stay dry while needing to pee, THEN it would be a win.”

 I hated to admit it, but ol’ DV was right. Keeping my nappy dry when I didn’t need to pee wouldn’t count. I knew that I still had a long way to go. 

 I sighed with relief when I walked out still dry and unrecognised, and stashed my new drinks in the car, then wandered back into the laundromat to check on the progress. There was still twenty minutes to go, so I paid another visit to the convenience store. I really didn’t need anything in particular, but I bought fresh milk and bread, and found a super-cute pair of knee length socks that I fell in love with, white, but with multi coloured stripes wrapping their way around in a rainbow of colourful bands. They would look absolutely awesome when teamed up with a little nappy! 

 The thought of nappies brought on a previous but forgotten idea. My period was due later in the week, and I was out of pads. I had planned on just using the Goodnites instead, but now I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea, to be deliberately trapping myself in diapers 24/7, after all, they were hindering my incontinence as much as they were helping me deal with it. I almost bought some menstrual pads, but changed my mind, deciding to stick with my original plan of pull ups instead. If my bladder condition got worse, I could always swap back to pads later after all. It would be beneficial towards my potty training I told myself, and let that thought be enough to convince me to stick with my experiment. 

 With my purchases and clean laundry safely in the car, it was finally time for breakfast, well lunch actually, as it was now twelve o’clock, and I was craving a Big Mac and Fries, so I knew exactly where my next stop would be, and within minutes, I was pulling into the local McDonalds. 

 Bloody hell. It was busy! Especially for a Monday! What on Earth was going on? There were cars lined up from the Drive-Thru to the entry! It took me a few seconds, but I worked it out at last. Because of the lockdown, the dine in restaurant  and play area were closed, meaning that anybody wanting their McDonald’s fix had to go through the Drive-Thru to get it. It looked like my fast food wouldn’t be really fast today, and I was about to turn out of line and go elsewhere, when another car pulled up close behind me to join the queue. I suppose I could’ve put my reverse lights on and urged them to back up a bit, but that was too confrontational for shy little me to contemplate, so I decided to just stay put. I was really hungry after all, and couldn’t be bothered either finding another take out place that was less busy, nor making something to eat at home. I really was looking forward to some good old fashioned comfort food just then. 

 There was two minivans in front of me, both containing multiple young children, and more vehicles in front of them. Because the dual driveway snaked around a bit, I couldn’t get a totally accurate count, but it looked like there was at least five or six cars in my lane, directly in front of me, and the same amount in the other lane. This looked like it was going to be a long wait. 

 Time moved slowly. I sat there, listening to my playlist, occasionally checking my phone, but not really going forward. Both lanes merged into one before reaching the windows, and everyone appeared to be getting multiple orders, which slowed things down even more. 

 I know that in the grand scheme of things my wait time wasn’t really too bad, but a usual Maccas drive-thru visit probably takes around 4-5 minutes or less, but ten minutes later, and I’d only progressed about two car places in my line. Now I could see the windows, and it looked as if most cars were receiving large cardboard trays of coffees. I suppose with so many places being closed, more people than usual were using the safe option of doing drive-thru for their families, or work colleagues, and making all the extra coffees was adding a lot of extra time to the wait. It was a bit frustrating, but I didn’t really have anywhere else that I needed to be. 

 “Except the toilet,” DV whispered in my ear, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat when I realised that she was right. I hadn’t noticed it until now, but I was beginning to feel an urge to pee. 

 It certainly wasn’t bad or anything, not at first, but it was definitely there. I suppose the iced tea had found its way to its final resting place before expulsion, and I could feel a slight heaviness building in my lower abdomen. But now that I’d become aware of it, it was something that I couldn’t stop thinking about, and thinking about it only made it worse. My line moved forward by another car, and the closer I got, the stronger the urge got.

 I closed my eyes and concentrated on my dilemma. I knew that I really didn’t need to go that bady physically, but mentally was an entirely different kettle of fish. Up until a few days ago this level of need wouldn’t even have been classed as desperation, but after the way that my body had been letting me down lately made it seem a lot worse than what it actually was. 

 I pressed my legs together and wiggled my butt, acutely aware of how my pull up felt pressing it’s feelings of safety and security against my pussy, thighs, and bum, tempting me to just let go, to let a tiny bit out. 

 I gave myself a swift mental rebuke. No. I certainly would not be doing that. Not sitting in my car, wearing a kiddie pull up that would leak all over my great sweatpants and seat. Not when I didn’t really need to go all that badly, at least on a physical level. 

 I was trying to reconcile the differences between physically needing to go, and mentally wanting to go, and let me tell ya, it wasn’t easy, especially after the last few days. In a way, it was like listening to Devil and Angel arguing, but was also completely different at the same time. The diaper lover side of me was sorely tempted to wet myself a bit, to take some of the pressure off, just because I probably could, but for the sake of my potty training I knew that it would be a big setback if I did. For a change, the thought of a genuine accident was more acceptable to me than deliberately doing it, even if by doing a little bit on purpose would make me feel better. No. I had to try my hardest to keep my little diaper dry, but if it got wet accidentally, then I’d have to trust it not to leak. It wouldn’t be a big deal I thought, as I wasn’t getting out of my car again until I got home, but it would be a lot better if my pants stayed dry, even if my diaper didn’t. 

 We moved forward again. Now the first minivan was ordering at the speaker box. Good God. What on earth was this woman two cars in front of me doing? It looked like she was only just now asking every single kid what they wanted. Individually. For fucks sake. Surely you could’ve already done this while we were waiting? Sheesh. 

 It was another couple of minutes before we moved forward again, putting the second van at the order speaker. Her order went through a lot quicker, although the queue didn’t budge. It appeared that the first van, now at the collection window, had a problem with their order. The lady was again asking these little kids to confirm what they’d ordered. Jesus Christ! Just get them a fucking Happy Meal each and go away! 

 Ugh. I pressed my hand into my padded crotch, and sat up a bit straighter. Now I was in no doubt at all that my desperation was definitely physical and not just mental. I really needed to pee. Badly. 

 Finally! The first van moved on, but the second one, the one in front of me, decided to be polite and let the other lane merge in front of her. Arrrgh! I’m not joking, it was at least another four minutes before I even moved up enough to finally place my order! The van had since departed, and I was sitting behind a rather cute looking young guy driving a plumbers van. He’d been sitting beside me in the other lane, and I’d seen his friendly smile while his mask was pulled down, and I could now see him checking me out in his rear view mirror. 

 By now, I seriously needed to go. I crossed my ankles underneath the dash, and shifted uncomfortably, feeling like I should just forget about ordering and just leave, but after what was becoming an interminably long wait, I was about to order, and I couldn’t drive off anyway until cute guy moved out of my way. 

 I ordered a Big Mac and upsized the fries, and when the girl asked me what I wanted to drink, I quashed the thought of soda or coffee, and asked for water instead, praising myself for taking my potty training seriously. Young cute guy drove forward as I was tapping my card. 

 He collected his meal from the last window and drove forward, while I multitasked by putting my card away, phone down, and taking the handbrake off all at the same time. My car started to roll forward before I’d even looked up, and when I did, I squealed in shock, as cute guy had stopped again, while my car was moving slowly forward, only a foot or so from his rear bumper! 

 I slammed on the brakes, squealed, and let a big squirt of pee into my little nappy, as my car bumped into his, causing him to suddenly snap his head around to see what was going on. He saw my white face with wide, shocked eyes staring back at him, and grinned, giving me a little wave before gesturing towards the car park. I felt my pull up continuing to get warmer and wetter, and I clamped down hard on my holding muscles before too much more could escape. With a sheepish look and blushing face hiding behind my mask, I collected my food, and glanced nervously between my legs before driving forward to park beside him. 

 “G’day,” he said, with a twinkle in his eye. “I’m Mark. It’s, uh, nice bumping into you I guess!”

 I got out of the car, keeping my back facing away from him, as I ran a hand across my bum, praying that I wouldn’t feel any wetness. Considering how hot and heavy my little pull up felt hanging between my legs, I was sure that I’d be soaked, at least around the bottom of my bum, but surprisingly enough, my hand only felt dry cotton, although I made sure not to turn my back on him, just in case. 

 “I’m so sorry,” I blathered, “That was totally my fault! Don’t worry. I’m insured, and I’ll pay for any damages. I guess I wasn’t paying attention and I didn’t see you stop, then I started moving, and I…..”

 Mark had pulled his mask down, and he grinned broadly, before reaching out to pat me gently on the shoulder. 

 “Shhh. Calm down, ah, Miss? It’s as much my fault as yours. I really shouldn’t have just stopped suddenly like that! I spilled my coffee putting it down, and just hit the brakes. Totally stupid. Anyway, you only bumped into my tow bar, so there’s no damage to mine at all. It looks like yours has a little scratch though,” he said, as he pointed to my front bumper. 

 He was right. I had a tiny mark in the middle of it, but no real damage, not even a dent. It certainly could’ve been a lot worse. 

 Feeling great relief, I thanked him for his understanding, and began to inch my way backwards towards my drivers seat again, before he stopped me. 

 “Hey. Miss? I don’t even know your name. Maybe we should swap details, you know? Just for insurance purposes of course.”

 I was initially confused. Why would he need that? There wasn’t any damage or insurance claims? The penny suddenly dropped. I realised that he was flirting with me! The insurance angle was simply to get my number, and he WAS cute! 

 I managed to keep my bladder under control while I returned to my car, and took one of my business cards from my purse. Before I handed it over, I pulled my mask down and smiled shyly at him as I scribbled my personal cell number on the back. 

 “Hi Mark. I’m Paige. Once again, I’m so sorry for this. You’re completely right of course, we should exchange details, you know, just in case?”

 He passed over his business card, before giving me a cheeky wink. “I’m fairly sure that I’ll probably need to contact you again at some point Paige. You know, just in case I come down with a severe case of whiplash or something after such a huge hit! It usually takes a few days to come on, my neck will probably be really sore by the weekend, so I’ll probably be in touch before then?”

 He arched an eyebrow in a really cute way, which made me giggle. Giggling wasn’t good, and I felt a fresh warmth in my padded underwear, causing me to cross my legs and quickly lean back against my car. I felt a little trickle on the back of my right leg, and slid into my seat as fast as I could, feeling the wet spot from my sweats pressing on the back of my thigh. 

 I had to get out of there quickly, so I assured him that calling me later was probably a great idea, just to let me know that I hadn’t permanently crippled him, which made him chuckle. 

 He hopped into his car and backed out, while I stayed sitting in mine, shaking with nervous excitement, when I felt a last strong wave of desperation surge through me, causing my bladder to finally give up. 

 I couldn’t even begin to control it, so I sat there, hunched slightly forward, legs spread, toes curled, breathing through gritted teeth as my bladder gave up, and I felt my backside getting warm and wet as I had no choice but to give in, and I began wetting my pants. 

 A dark, wet stain blossomed out on both of my thighs as my leg guards began leaking, and I could feel my bum and the back of my legs getting hotter and wetter as I struggled with trying to not just give in entirely, and after a solid few seconds of peeing, I was finally able to stem the flow, although by that stage my car seat was already wet again. I forced myself to sit there for another minute while everything dripped, leaked, and absorbed itself into my sweats and seat, and although I could feel that I still had a little bit more inside me to expel, I’d let enough out to make it home again before I perhaps ruined my upholstery permanently. 

 This accident probably should’ve bothered me more than it did I suppose, but to be honest, I didn’t feel anywhere near as upset as I would’ve expected to be. I suppose it’s because this time, wetting myself really hadn’t been my fault. I hadn’t been drinking excessively or doing holds, and through no fault of my own I’d ended up in a position where I simply couldn’t find a bathroom. There hadn’t been any laziness or fun play involved at all, and my little kiddie diaper had done a pretty good job of holding the initial squirt, which was nice to know. I already knew that it could never contain a sitting down accident with an adult sized bladder, but it had actually handled the first part really well, so in that sense, it had been a positive result, and so to me, it was really a successful experiment in that regard. 

 I backed out, and started the drive home, now hoping that I could get there before I completely flooded myself even more…..

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1 hour ago, PrincessPeeach said:

Interesting….I was waaaay off. I totally pictured her as way more full figured, round cheeks, less like a model and more like this lol

6F392B20-DDA9-41ED-99A3-D8A9DD59E474.jpeg

The angel model changes the whole vibe of the story for me lolol

I like full figures, but she’s slim enough to fit into kids pull ups…..

I hadn’t really had a vivid mental picture of her, except for dark hair, but when that picture showed up on my tumblr feed…..

Interested as to how the vibe changes for you? 

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Chapter 31

 

 “Wow! He WAS cute,” I thought to myself as I drove off. “I wonder if he WILL be in touch later?”

 Angel Voice soon brought me back to Earth. “Huh? So what? Do you REALLY think that he’d be interested in you? Especially if he found out that you were a little diaper baby?”

 I sighed. She was right. I absentmindedly picked at my wet crotch while stopped at an intersection. He would be disgusted with me, even if he somehow could come to terms with going out with a girl who had a weak bladder, he’d no doubt freak out when he found out that I needed diapers. 

 “You don’t NEED diapers Paigey,” AV informed me sagely. “You LIKE them. Big difference….”

 DV had other ideas. “Don’t be stupid Paige! Of course you need them! It wasn’t your fault you wet yourself this time, and can you imagine how bad it would’ve been if you hadn’t been wearing one before you slammed into his car at 100 mph?” (DV is prone to gross exaggeration sometimes…)

 Maybe I simply wanted to agree with her, but I thought that she was right. Getting stuck “in traffic” as I had, could conceivably happen at any time, to any person, and I knew that I hadn’t been setting myself up for an accident, nor could I have reasonably foreseen what would happen. After all, I hadn’t needed to pee when I’d joined the queue, I hadn’t had much to drink beforehand, and I’d never once in my life spent over fifteen minutes in a Maccas drive-thru before! I mean fuck, it was only a five minute drive home! Even if I had been feeling desperate, I still could’ve easily made it home dry if I hadn’t had stopped. The little pull up had actually served me really well in an unexpected situation, and I was thankful that I’d been wearing it. 

 I had to agree with DV on this one, being padded had been the right thing for me just then. 

 I carefully backed my car into the small gravel parking spot beside my van, looked around to make sure that I was alone, then grabbed my paper bag full of calories and my water, and got out. My car seat was once again covered in a big round wet spot, and I could feel my sweatpants clinging wetly to the backs of my thighs. I dumped my food on the kitchen table, and turned around to look at my butt in the mirror. Yup. It was saturated, covered in a big wet patch that had also soaked in between my legs. I needed to get my groceries from the car to put in the fridge, but would need to get changed first. 

 Or did I? 

 My food was beginning to get cold, and it wasn’t just a simple matter of slipping into new pants, as id need to clean myself up first. By the time I’d stripped off, washed, dried, dressed again, then cleaned the car out, my lunch would be ruined. I looked out the windows, and saw no sign of anyone, especially Elsie, so I made a bold plan to just go and get everything out as quickly as possible. I stepped from the annex to the rear of the hatch, where I threw my purchases onto my clean and dry laundry as quickly as I could before scuttling back inside before anybody got a look at my wet arse. I locked the door, put my milk and alcohol away, pausing only long enough to drop my sweat pants on the floor, then waddled my wet little diaper butt inside to put the basket on the bed. I took a thick towel from it, (the one I’d wiped my puddles up with earlier) folded it twice, and placed it carefully on the vinyl bench to sit on. 

 As I started eating, I relaxed my bladder and gave a little push, and with no more thought or effort than that, I started peeing slowly, letting the last vestiges of pee trickle out however it wanted to. I basically started free peeing, and the feeling of letting go in my padded pants while I ate my lunch was divine. I kept stealing glances at the once white towel, enjoying the way that the wet patch continued to slowly spread out from under me in all directions, and I didn’t even try to stop when the drips started falling onto the floor once more. Wiggling my butt around in the saturated padding while I slowly leaked and ate at the same time was amazing, and one of the nicest pee-related things that I’d done to date. Hard to explain I guess, but it was comforting, liberating, freeing, cute, and very naughty all at the same time. As I ate and leaked, I gave myself over to these feelings for a closer analysis, and I started to finally come to terms with what I’d been going through, and what was happening to me. 

 Firstly, my incontinence. I’d always had certain issues anyway, so although they were now more exaggerated, it really wasn’t anything completely new. I’d been so stressed about how or why things had spiralled out of control so quickly, but I shouldn’t have been. How or why really didn’t matter as much as I had thought. Yes, it was no doubt somehow connected to my newfound love of diapers, but the actual reason probably wasn’t so important. I mean, if I gave up diapers I’d still be occasionally wetting myself anyway, as I always had, so the nappies hadn’t caused my IC issues, but probably enhanced them a bit. I’d still be having accidents, even without them, so why not just learn to accept them? Even if I did give up wearing for protection, I knew that I’d always want to wear for fun, so I had to accept that they would always be a part of my life in some way from now on. Perhaps I’d have to give up the ideas of wearing for protection in public if they made my IC worse, but I never wanted to completely lose the pleasurable thrill of doing naughty things like deliberately wetting myself whilst I ate! 

 I needed to keep experimenting with how they affected my control more than anything. There was no doubt at all that I loved wearing and wetting them, but I needed it to be on my terms. Yes, if I wore in public and had a real accident, like today, then a diaper was a beautiful insurance policy to have, so long as I didn’t let them take control over my control, if you know what I mean? Like yes Paige, wear the nappies for protection, and enjoy yourself when it’s convenient, but don’t start relying on them for use when you don’t have to! 

 Accident = Fine. Deliberate playtime = Fine. Using for laziness or convenience in public = Super not fine. 

 It really was that simple. Even the voices in my head appeared to agree with me at last. It was like the three of us had finally been able to come to a mutual agreement, and I felt great relief. Finally. 

 I raised my butt and gave a solid push, forcing the last of my pee out, and watched it flood the towel around my leg guards even more, and the little waterfall of drips accelerated in volume and speed again, splashing noisily onto the floor. I sighed with pleasure and relief. 

 It sounds like a kinda dumb kind of conversation to have with myself I suppose, but I was really coming to terms with it now. Doing stuff like this was okay. I enjoyed it, it made me feel good, and it wasn’t hurting anyone at all, not even myself. So what if I wanted to pee in a diaper while I ate? Big deal! All I had to do was to learn how to reconcile with using a diaper in public from now on. Accident = Okay. Deliberate = Not, unless it was to safeguard myself from a bigger genuine accident later of course. If I was padded, and beginning to need to go, using it slowly with control and no leaks would be a better option than making myself uncomfortable, potty dancing around, and risking a big flood and leaks later on. 

 THIS would be the direction that my potty training needed to take. Being potty trained wasn’t simply a matter of keeping my diapers dry, but more so a matter of being in control of my condition, and if that meant using one safely might be the best option occasionally, then so be it. As for playtime, I now had absolutely zero guilt left anymore. I was a DL, and if I wanted to enjoy them, then I would! 

 I yawned and stretched. Now that I’d eaten, and had my special diaper epiphany, I was tired again. It was nearly one o’clock, so I still had an hour and a half to go. 

 I ripped the sides of my pull up open, slid it out from underneath me, and dropped it on the floor with a heavy splat, then used the towel to blot up any drops on my skin before standing up, carefully keeping my socks out of the small puddle under the table. I wiped myself clean again with the wipes, added baby powder, then stepped into a Molicare again, relishing the extra thickness and feelings of safety that they provided. It only took a minute to get rid of the nappy, towel, and puddle, before I went into the lounge room again and sprawled out on my sleeping bag on the sofa. I set my alarm for 2.20, and with thoughts of diapers and wetting myself running through my head, I dozed off almost instantly….

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Chapter 32

 

  I didn’t sleep for long, but I still woke up peeing. 

 Even now, I can vividly remember the dream that I was having. I was at work, and everything appeared to be normal, except for the fact that I didn’t have any pants on, only a diaper and my little leather ankle boots. I was in the office, talking to my colleagues, and pretending that there wasn’t anything wrong, except for the fact that I wanted to hide, but couldn’t go anywhere. I was looking around for wherever my pants or skirt might be, but I couldn’t see them anywhere. There was a bunch of us standing and talking around the water cooler, and I kept looking down at my bare legs, black boots, and big white adult nappy. I was crossing my legs and trying to hide it behind my hands, but of course that didn’t work. The funny thing is, nobody appeared to notice. As uncharacteristic as it seems, in my dream I was holding court, so to speak. Whatever I was saying was important, and for once, people were listening to me with rapt attention. The more I talked, the more at ease I felt, and I ended up just ignoring my nappy, and continued speaking. After awhile, the diaper didn’t seem to matter at all, and I stopped stressing about it. Apparently we were about to head into the conference room for a team meeting, and Max was waiting by the door. Dream-me also needed to pee. 

 “Come on guys and girls,” Max was saying, trying to usher us into the room. 

 “Hang on Max, give me a minute will you, I’ve got to wee,” I explained, in a loud, clear voice that I could never imagine using in real life. 

 “Ok Paigey, be quick, okay?” Max replied, looking pointedly at her watch. 

 “Yep. Got it. Gimme a second,” I replied, spreading my legs wide, and cupping my thickly padded crotch with my right hand. 

 I don’t think dream-me was actually busting, but was going to wet her diaper before the meeting started. She/I relaxed, and we felt the pee leaving our bladder and heading south, and we both felt our diaper swelling warmly in our hands. 

 I opened my eyes with a start, and my body jerked with surprise, making my legs suddenly squeeze themselves tightly together, trapping my hand against the padding as my pee trickled freely out of me. 

 I wasn’t gushing or peeing hard, just trickling, albeit constantly, like free peeing in my sleep I suppose, but I couldn’t just stop it either. I slid off the couch, onto the floor, on my knees, which I spread wide, now relaxing enough to stop any pretences of holding, and my bladder responded with gratitude, giving a push all of it’s own accord, forcing the last of my wee out in a quick, sharp squirt. I ran a quick, nervous eye over my sleeping bag and sofa, hoping that I hadn’t had a nappy leak, and was relieved to find that I hadn’t, although I wasn’t surprised. I knew that I hadn’t peed a lot in terms of volume, because I’d only just peed like an hour ago, so I was actually surprised that I’d wet myself at all. It can’t have been an urgency thing at all. My fluid intake had been normal, I’d already peed heavily before falling asleep, so it had to be a diaper thing I guess. I’d been thinking about them, then dreaming about them, and the DL side of me had decided that dream-me could wet herself before her meeting, so she/we/I had. I slumped my butt down with a squishy warm feeling as I stopped leaking, and sighed with a mixture of relief and contentment. I was relieved that I hadn’t leaked everywhere, and content because wetting my diaper felt good, even accidentally like this. After all, wetting in my sleep was something that I couldn’t be blamed for or feel any guilt over, especially since I’d been sober and not playing. It really was just a simple accident, and one that had been safely contained thanks to my thick nappy, and I was glad that I’d been wearing one. 

 “Toldya so,” DV whispered with a chuckle. “You woulda made a big mess if you didn’t have one on Paigey-girl!”

 “Bullshit,” Angel Voice argued vehemently, and although I hadn’t really noticed, her strong language seemed out of character. “You only peed yourself because you were wearing one dummy! If you weren’t wearing, it wouldn’t have happened!”

 This thought made me pause. She may actually have a point. There was no physical reason for me to have a sleep accident just then, and I’d woken up holding my diaper just like dream-me had been doing, so it was clearly linked together somehow. I was pretty sure that AV was correct in her assessment, and my hidden DL side had definitely influenced my subconscious to let go in my sleep because it knew how much that I enjoyed it. 

 It was a sobering conclusion, and I told myself that not only would I abstain from alcohol, soda and coffee today, but I would make extra sure to pee before going to sleep that night, and I wouldn’t wear a diaper to bed either. If I was sober, empty, and not padded, then my subconscious probably wouldn’t make me do wee’s in my sleep. It was worth a try anyway. 

 My phones alarm started sounding, and I switched it off, before hauling myself to my feet and stretching. I had ten minutes before Elsie was expecting me. I examined the outside of my diaper with my hands, and although it had felt like I’d peed in it for ages, it really didn’t feel that bad to the touch. Most of the heavy warmth was situated underneath my bottom, where I’d been slowly trickling while laying on my back. Even the crotch area didn’t seem too badly soiled. 

 I padded inside the van to the mirror, where I critically examined my reflection. From front on my diaper still looked pristine, but when I turned around, it was swollen and discoloured beneath my bottom, and the blue stripe had faded. I squished it gently against my bottom, and my reflection scrunched her toes up tightly inside her white socks. It felt lovely. 

 I was tempted to leave the slightly soiled nappy on to be honest. It hadn’t suffered from a huge wetting, and was very capable of holding at least double what it already contained, so it felt wasteful taking it off so early, but I knew that I probably had to. I was beginning to get used to the mild, lingering smell of pee, and while wearing it felt nice, (cute) I was going to be visiting another persons house, and I needed to be clean. 

 I returned to the laundry where I regretfully removed and bagged my diaper, and gave myself another good wash down there, and after I returned inside and added powder and lotion, I slipped my feet into another adult pull up. I knew my pink sweats would hide it, especially with my long white jumper, and thus attired, I added my sneakers and went outside, pausing for a quick cigarette before I left. 

 Elsies van was easy to find. On my “street,” only a couple of hundred meters away on the other side, and it was big, and very well established, obviously having been used as a permanent on site residence for a long time. She had a neat little picket fence surrounding it, an undercover alfreso area, and lots of plants and shrubs growing in various colourful pots. Her ancient looking Mazda hatchback was at least twenty years old and falling into disrepair, and there was an old girls bike and scooter leaning beside the door to her annex. The door opened before I’d even reached her gate. 

 “Paige! You’re here,” she trilled, sounding a little bit surprised, and I instantly felt a twinge of guilt for having had secret second thoughts of perhaps canceling on her, maybe pleading a headache or sudden work commitments, as she was obviously excited to have a visitor. 

 I was ushered in to her annex, and was immediately surprised and impressed by how nice it was, large as well. Her van probably wasn’t all that much newer than mine, but it was big, well fitted out, and her furniture was of good quality. It really did look more like a home than a van. 

 The annex had a vinyl floor, (big tick from me, hehe) two suede sofas, three and two seaters, each with a floor lamp, a large screen TV, a bookcase full of books, and a desk in the corner with a laptop set up, which is where Tiarni was sitting in an office chair, her legs tucked up beneath her, and a blanket over her lap. Her earbuds were in, and she was having a giggly conversation with a school friend from the sound of it. I was suitably impressed. It was a much nicer set up than what I had. 

 I was ushered inside, and remarked on how nice her van was, especially when compared to mine, and she smiled gratefully, pointing out the fact that she’d owned it for many years, and lived here permanently for about seven of them, so she’d had a lot more time and flexibility than what I’d had to make it into an actual home. 

 “Tiarni, Paige is here,” she said loudly, getting the girls attention. 

 Ti turned her head and smiled broadly at me, showing off a gap in her front teeth. “I gotta go,” she said to her friend. “My friend is here, the grownup one!” 

Pause. 

 “Yes Brit. THAT one, the one who lives down the road. The grownup? Remember?”

 She turned to me and winked, then gave the cutest eye roll I’d ever seen from a kid, before turning around again to log off. 

 “Hi Paige,” she chirped happily. 

 I said hello as Elsie motioned for me to take a seat on the smaller sofa, asking me if I wanted coffee or tea. I requested a tea, and she hurried into the van. Apparently her kitchen set up was all inside, while I only had a sink, with my fridge and oven in the annex. 

 Tiarni swung her chair around to face me, and started telling me about her friend. Brittany was her very bestest friend apparently, and she missed not seeing her at school. By the time that Elsie had returned a few minutes later, I knew that Brittany had a dog called Bobby, and a younger brother who was a real pain in the butt. 

 Her grandmother carefully placed a steaming cup in front of me, another on the coffee table in front of her, and carried the third cup to Tiarni, but pulled it back away from her before she could grab it. 

 “No Ti. You probably need to get changed first, don’t you?”

 Tiarni blushed. “Naaaaaan,” she exclaimed, dragging the word out for at least four syllables. 

 “Dont ‘Naaaaaaan’ me missy. You go get changed and come back, before your hot chocolate gets cold.”

 Tiarni rolled her eyes again, very dramatically this time, before huffing out a big sigh. “Nan, I don’t need to. Really.”

 Elsie looked at her suspiciously. “Really Ti? You don’t need to?”

  “No Nan. Really. Trust me, I don’t need to.”

 “Ok then, if you’re sure.”

 Elsie then turned to me. “Tiarni sometimes wears her sleep pants when she’s doing school,” Elsie explained without any hesitation or apparent thought that her granddaughter was sitting right in front of us. “The toilets are just too far away from here for a quick stop between lessons, and it’s a bit hard to hold on sometimes, isn’t it dear?”

 Tiarni blushed beetroot red, and turned around to face the other direction, but didn’t speak. 

 Wow. I was flabbergasted. Not really because the kid was wearing pull ups, (After all, so was I) but because of the forthright way her grandmother had just come straight out and told me. Like really? Didn’t the kid deserve some privacy over that? I made up my mind that I wouldn’t get dragged into THAT particular conversation, nor would I ever say anything about it to Tiarni. It was a bit of a spin out to be honest, seeing a kid who was technically way too old to be wearing pull ups during the day, but again, who was I to talk? After all, I was wearing one as well. 

  After a few minutes, and some gentle persuasion from Elsie, Ti started telling us all about her lessons, and she was a natural born storyteller, and a lot of fun to listen to, although I’d kinda zoned out for a moment, concentrating on my own feelings of success, after the topic of wet diapers had been thrown at me, and not a single bad thing had happened. No sudden urgency, no desperation, and most importantly, no leaks. So far so good. 

 I really didn’t want or need the conversation to stray down that path though, so I egged Tiarni on, letting her explain all about how her online classes were going in an excitable babble. Elsie returned with her famous chocolate cake, and the three of us found ourselves talking about anything and everything. Ti was an amazing kid to talk to. Although her potty habits might be considered immature for a girl of her age, her manner of speech, combined with her insight, made her seem older than her age at times. When she found out that I was an actual real life reporter, she was very impressed. 

 “That’s what I wanna be when I grow up. A reporter,” she informed us seriously. 

 Elsie smiled. “I thought you wanted to be a famous singer,” she reminded her. 

 Tiarni just shrugged. “I can do both,” she said. 

 Although I’m generally a pretty shit reporter, my training came to the fore I guess, and I started asking questions about the area. I’d only been here for three days, and apart from my jog, or visits to the shop, I hadn’t seen much at all. It dawned on me that this was the furthest into the park that I’d been as well. Prior to now, I hadn’t gone further in than my own van. 

 “So you haven’t seen the playground yet?” Tiarni exclaimed incredulously, eyes dramatically wide with shock. 

 “Nope. Didn’t even know there was one,” I said with a grin. 

 Tiarni jumped to her feet, chocolate cake smeared all around her mouth. “Oh come on Paige! I’ll take you there now! You gotta see it! It’s awesome!” She suddenly paused, realising that she was sounding too excited about a playground. “Of course I’m really way too old to play there you know, but it is kinda a cool place to hang out, you know?”

 I suppressed a big grin. This little kid was trying to be part of an adult conversation, and judging by her explanation of me to her friend, she was desperate for me to see her as a peer, or equal, and not just an annoying child, and because I couldn’t help but like her, I was more than prepared to play along. 

 Elsie spoke first though. “Ti, I’m sure that Paige doesn’t want to see the playground dear. She wouldn’t be very interested in that I don’t think.”

 Ti kind of slumped back down, a mixture of disappointment and embarrassment showing on her face, and I felt sorry for her. 

 “Actually, I don’t mind,” I said. “I can’t believe I haven’t even seen all the park properly to be honest. If you guys want to go for a walk, you could show me?”

 Tiarni fisted the air. “Yessssss,” she hissed, then turned to her Grandmother. “Come on Nan! Let’s show Paige the park!”

 Elsie smiled at me. “That’s very sweet of you Paige, but my knees are playing up today, and I don’t think I should be walking around too much. Perhaps another day? Unless you want to go with Ti of course, but I don’t expect you to do that!”

 Tiarni swivelled her head towards me at a hundred miles an hour, her eyes looking at me in that beseeching way that a bored kid does when something exciting is on the cards. 

 “You wanna?” 

 I couldn’t help but grin at her excitement. 

 “Sure. Put your shoes on and you can give me the grand tour, if your Nan says it’s okay.”

 Her head snapped back towards Elsie. “Can I Nan? Please?”

 Elsie chuckled. “You heard what Paige said. Put your shoes on then, and behave yourself!”

 Tiarni jumped up, and grabbed her shoes which had been discarded under the desk. When she knelt down to put them on, her pullover rode up her back, and I could see the waistband of a pull up sticking out of her pants. Elsie must’ve seen in to, because she hurriedly whispered at her granddaughter to hurry up and tuck herself in, while I pretended not to notice. I knew she’d been wearing one for school, but that wasn’t my business anyway. After she washed her face and hands, we headed out. 

 “Ti, make sure you go to the toilet while you’re there please,” Elsie said seriously, and Ti quickly agreed. 

 “There’s another toilet block up that end of the park,” she explained to me as we left. “Same sorta ones as down here, got showers and everything as well.”

 We headed off, after promising Elsie that we’d only be gone for an hour or so. I smiled to myself. Never in a million years would I have thought that I’d end up babysitting, but to be honest, I didn’t really mind. Tiarni made me smile. Her demeanour became a bit more serious as we walked along though. 

 “Paige, please don’t think I’m a baby or something because I’m wearing a pull up. I don’t REALLLLYYY need them you know. Nan just makes me wear them. It’s not like I’m a big baby or anything. It’s just kinda like for just in case, ya know?”

 “So why does she make you wear them?” I asked. 

 She blushed again, and averted her eyes. “I guess I have hadda coupla accidents doing school,” she admitted. “I don’t get a lotta time to go between lessons, and I guess I haven’t always been like able to hold on long enough, but not always, just a coupla times.”

 She brightened up a bit then. “Not today though! I didn’t have any accidents at all, all day!”

 Wow. Cringe. I automatically tensed my holding muscles, expecting that particular line of conversation to trigger a bladder leak, but it didn’t. I had to find some way to answer though that wouldn’t cause any further embarrassment to the poor kid. 

 Tiarni sighed dramatically, and her shoulders slumped. “Oh man. Why does she have to go and say stuff like that? You probably think I’m a dumb baby now.”

 I grabbed her shoulder to stop her, then squatted down in front, putting myself at eye level. 

 “Ti, don’t be silly. Why would I think that? We’ve already talked about stuff like that before, haven’t we?”

 “Uh-huh,” she mumbled, looking at the ground. 

 I put a finger under her chin, and tilted her head up so she was looking at me. “Ti, remember what I told you before? If you need them, you need them. Lots of people, kids and adults both, wear diapers to bed. It’s better than wet sheets! As for you wearing during the day, I totally get it. The toilets are a loooooong way away, and if you’re doing school, it’s not like you can just hop up and run to the toilet in a few seconds, like most of the kids can. I actually think that it’s a pretty smart idea to wear them for that.”

 She blushed, then pulled the waistband of her leggings down an inch, exposing the very top of her nappy. “But I’m wearing one now as well, does that still count as being smart?”

 For the briefest of moments, I considered showing her the top of my pull up as well, to reassure her that it was okay, but it didn’t seem appropriate, and besides, I was way too shy to do that, even to a kid. I simply ruffled her hair, and told her it was fine, and certainly a lot better than having wet pants. It was the best that I could do on the spot. 

 I quickly stood up. Squatting down like that had been easy to start with, but as soon as I’d started talking about diapers, I’d felt things beginning to shift inside me. Once again my bladder was being triggered by outside mental stimulus, and I suddenly needed to pee, although not really badly yet, but I had almost sprung a sudden, unexpected leak while squatting down. It was a lot better when I stood up again, but the need to pee was back again, where it hadn’t been at all before. 

 At the far end of the park was a large, grassy common area. Big enough for games of football or cricket, and for kids to ride their bikes or run around safely. There were barbecues, and two play areas, one for little kids, and another for the big kids, like Tiarni. 

 I declined her generous offer of joining her on the climbing net or fort, and stood off to the side while she ran off. I could only imagine just how much energy she must have that needed burning off by now. I’m sure that at her age living with a semi-invalid in a small caravan without a proper yard must get very boring at times, but at least she was being loved and cared for. I’d found it a bit disheartening that Ti hadn’t yet mentioned her parents once, and Elsie had only alluded to the fact that “They Had Problems.” I know you shouldn’t ever jump to conclusions, especially as a reporter, but I’d bet my last dollar that drugs were involved somewhere along the line. Very sad. 

 I shifted my feet a bit. Now I’d began thinking about needing a pee, it was all I could think about. Actually, that’s not really true. I was thinking about how much I wanted a cigarette as well, especially after a cup of tea, slice of cake, and a short but brisk walk. 

 But I wasn’t sure exactly what the protocol was as a babysitter. The toilet blocks were right there, about a hundred meters away from the other side of the common area, and was I actually allowed to smoke so close to a playground? Even if I was, I probably shouldn’t, as I was supposed to be a good example for the kid. What if I decided to use the bathroom? Do I leave her in the playground unattended while I go? I mean she was eleven for Gods Sake, not a helpless toddler or anything. She probably even comes here all by herself, although I doubted it. I had the impression that Elsie didn’t let her out of her sight very often, maybe for good reason. So could I smoke or use the bathroom? I really didn’t know. It was probably better not to do either. I remembered Elsie telling Ti to make sure she used the bathroom while here, so if I waited, I could just go when she did. But was that even acceptable these days? Would it be appropriate for me to go into a toilet block with a little kid that I hardly knew? Ridiculous, I know. After all, I was entrusted to look after her, but these days, when everyone is considered a creep around children, I just wasn’t sure. There were a couple of guys sitting at a table buy themselves drinking beer. They weren’t paying any attention to us at all, and weren’t really near the playground, but they didn’t have any kids or women with them either. I didn’t feel comfortable going to the bathroom and leaving Tiarni unsupervised with adult men lurking around. 

 Fuck. “Now I’m doing it,” I thought. I’d just jumped straight from worrying about other people thinking that I might be a creep, to automatically going all Judgey-McJudgeface on a couple of men sitting by themselves doing nothing. This is what modern society has done to us I suppose. 

 The day was beginning to cool down, which was doing nothing at all to help my bladder, and I shifted my weight from foot to foot again. As usual, the more I thought about needing to pee, the worse it was getting, and the super thick nappy between my legs certainly wasn’t helping. It was crying out to be used by now. 

 Devil Voice whispered in my ear. “Remember our conversation Paige? We all agreed, even Angel, that using your diaper to prevent a bigger accident was okay, remember?”

 I did remember, and DV was right. We had all agreed on that. All three of us. But it still felt wrong somehow, like a direct contravention of my potty training ideals. I reached into my pocket and started fumbling with my cigarettes. I really wanted one, even as a distraction, but I didn’t want to have it in front of Tiarni. 

 A couple of minutes passed, when Tiarni started running towards me. 

 “Paige? PAIGE! I’m gonna go to the toilet, okay?” 

 I told her that was fine, but to just go straight there and back. I almost went with her myself, but I was a bit apprehensive about taking her, and nobody had gone in or out in the fifteen minutes I’d been standing there, plus this would give me the opportunity for the cigarette I was craving. 

 “So, gonna finally use your dipe?” Devil voice whispered. 

 Angel piped in as well. “I agree with her Paigey. You SHOULD use it now, while Tiarni’s gone. If you’re going to be stubborn and not use the potty now, you KNOW you’ll end up wetting yourself shortly. Much better to do it safely now, while standing up and not completely full, than to risk an even BIGGER accident while walking back or sitting at Elsies.”

 Damn. If those two agreed, then who was I to argue? 

 I looked around to make sure nobody was watching, then spread my legs slightly, before hitching my diaper up snugly through the sides of my sweats, then repositioning them again, and then I partially let go. I wasn’t absolutely busting at that point, so I still had some control over my holding muscles, and was able to restrict the flow quite well, although once it had started, it couldn’t be fully stopped again, at least not at first. 

 I took a deep drag on my cigarette, looking around, trying to appear completely comfortable and normal, as my urine continued to trickle out of me in a measured, but still unstoppable flow. I felt the hot liquid at first running over, then pooling under my shiny, oiled up pussy, as the big diaper grew even thicker between my legs and underneath my ass, and I relaxed and enjoyed every damn second of it. 

 It was uncharacteristic I suppose. Nervous little me should’ve been more scared or worried than that, at least up until that point anyway, but for a change, I wasn’t. I had enough experience and faith in using the big diapers standing up to assure myself that if I peed slowly, they wouldn’t fail me. The only time they’d failed was when the panties I’d been wearing had stuck out. Apart from that, they’d been incredible. 

 I also had the fact that Devil, Angel, and myself had unanimously agreed that it was okay to use your diaper discreetly and safely instead of risking a much larger, potentially embarrassing public accident later.

 I might be a diaper lover, but my logic and tactics were sound. I really enjoyed peeing in my diaper just then. I relaxed, smoked, and peed, all things I needed to do, and all at the same time, and it felt magnificent. I was still completely relaxed, basically free peeing, or at least free dribbling or free dripping, when Tiarni re-emerged, jogging over to where I was quickly disposing of my ciggy butt in the bin. My nappy felt so nice all hot and warm between my legs. 

 “You ready to go, Ratbag?” I asked her. “It’s starting to get cold.”

 Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly, and although I expected her to ask for another five minutes or something, she didn’t. She managed a smile that didn’t look too disappointed, and agreed, so we headed off together. 

 “Paige?”

 “Yes mate?”

 “I didn’t pee myself you know. I went to the toilet just fine.”

 (Better than me, I thought)

 “Ti? Why are you telling me that? I already told you that I understand the pull up thing. You don’t have to explain it to me you know?”

 She nodded in earnest understanding, and took a moment before she spoke. 

 “Yeah. I guess so. But it’s just that I guess that I want you to like me, ya know? I don’t want you to think of me like a dumb little baby or something, just because I sometimes have accidents?”

 Wow. That sounded remarkably similar to what Angel Voice had been telling me about Mark, and how he probably wouldn’t like a girl who wore diapers. Could Angel Voice have been wrong?

 I took Tiarni’s hand. “Sweetie, I would never think stuff like that about you, you’re cool! But if I were you, I wouldn’t go around talking about diapers though. It’s kinda nobody else’s business, got it? If you need one, and it makes stuff like sleep or school better, it’s gotta be okay, doesn’t it?”

 She stopped, then threw her arms around my waist briefly. “Thanks Paige,” she whispered. 

 We were nearly at the van, and Elsie was waiting outside. Pleasantries were exchanged, and I politely declined the offer of another cuppa. The old girl couldn’t thank me enough for taking Ti out for awhile, and we small talked for a bit, before the party started to split up. 

 Elsie hobbled inside first, and Ti began to follow, but I put up a hand to stop her, put a finger to my lips in a “shushing” gesture, and pointed to her waist, at something I’d noticed while she’d been running around as the grownups talked. 

 “What?” She looked perplexed. 

 I pointed at her tummy again, and stage whispered. “Your pull up is sticking out!”

 She giggled, and pointed back at me, “So’s yours!” 

 She turned and went inside as I confirmed what she’d said. Oh fuck. 

 My jumper had ridden up on the side of my waist, and my pull up WAS sticking out….

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chapter 34

 

 It was a lot colder on that particular Tuesday, our first real touch of winter. Windy, overcast, rain squalls, the whole package. Realistically, the day called for jeans or sweatpants, but after my exposed diaper disaster, I was a bit too gun shy to consider wearing pants over my nappy. I found a nice knee length tartan skirt, and added my black knit ribbed tights for extra protection, with my thick white socks over them, but hidden inside my boots, and a black blouse and jacket completed my ensemble. I did a few turns in front of the mirror to make sure that my lightly padded butt wasn’t obvious, then I loaded my shameful washing into the car and headed off. 

 My heart was pounding as I parked my car outside the dry cleaners, full of dread about the awkward conversation that I was about to have. I’d rehearsed it over and over in my mind during the drive, but still didn’t know exactly what I was going to say. Should I try to lay the blame on my own kid, or perhaps a little sister or cousin? That made the most sense, except for the sheer volume of pee that had been dispersed into my laundry. Surely an experienced dry cleaner would be able to recognise the difference between a child’s wet bed compared to an adults? Perhaps I didn’t need to even say anything at all? Maybe just dump the bags on the counter and go? Or did they need to identify what the stains were in order to treat them properly? I just didn’t know. 

 With my mask covering my blushing cheeks, I took a deep calming breath, and entered the store. 

 The lady behind the counter was Asian, perhaps Filipino, and smiled warmly at me as I approached the counter. 

 “Good Morning. Can I help you?” She asked, in slightly accented English. 

 “Hi,” I replied nervously. “Um, yeah. I have a couple of things that need cleaning, and today if possible, I mean if that’s alright?”

 She chuckled merrily. “Sure sure. We do same day, and you early enough! Can pick up by four. What you have that needs clean?”

 “Um, I have a sleeping bag and a doona?”

 She pulled the rolled up sleeping bag out first, and immediately noticed the wet patch that had soaked through, as I felt my blush deepening behind my mask. 

 “Ah! I see. It got wet, yes?”

 I swallowed hard, and felt a loosening of my bladder at the very mention of it, and I closed my thighs tightly just in time. 

 “Yes, it got wet, and the doona as well.”

 “I look,” she said, pulling the quilt out and unrolling it to see the wet spot. 

 “Um, it’s, ah, pee,” I mumbled. “My, um, little cousin had an accident last night. Sorry.”

 She gave me a quizzical look. “Why you sorry? This is what we do! We get these things every day! Is not anything to be sorry about, you keep us busy. That’s good for us, yes?”

 As embarrassed as I was, her niceness was charming, and I began to feel more relaxed and at ease. I think I’d expected more of an interrogation than that, although she just seemed to take it in her stride. It wasn’t anything like the potential FBI interrogation complete with bright lights and handcuffs that my mind had been building it up to be. Although I guess deep down I knew that she probably suspected that I was the culprit, I left feeling a lot better that I’d expected too. 

 Once outside the store, I concentrated on my little nappy. Although I’d felt myself getting very close to a leak while we’d discussed my pee’d bedding, I was fairly sure that my pull up was still dry, although I was starting to feel the first stages of needing to go. It was funny how it worked like that really. I hadn’t needed to go at all when I’d walked in there, but after my discussion with her, and my near accident, now I suddenly did, although not badly. 

 It was then that inspiration struck me. No, not inspiration about my wetting issues, but about my story instead. To continue, I needed two things. Information on nuclear reactors, and a way to make my main character take an unexpected detour or stop, something long enough to delay her journey by half an hour or so. It suddenly became as clear as daylight upon exiting a dark cave. 

 She would wet herself! 

 It was perfect! My story was loosely based around juggling four different people on different paths to all meet up together randomly at the same time and place, but the fluidity wasn’t quite there. I’d used specific times based around specific tasks for my main character, and no matter what I did, she was still about an hour ahead of schedule, and I’d been debating what exactly to do about it. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I’m very pedantic, and I was trying to keep the tension and suspense up, so her arriving early wasn’t an ideal scenario for me. I’d already decided that she might get a flat tyre, or get stuck in traffic, or something else even more mundane than that, in my efforts to bring the whole final cast together at the same time, but I just wasn’t very enamoured with that idea. It was a cop out. An easy, boring solution that would be a blatantly obvious red flag to any experienced writer that I was simply adding padding to the story, which is a pet hatred of mine. Sometimes, that sort of thing is necessary, but “Fluff” chapters are a real annoyance for me, and I’d been racking my brain trying to slow her down just a little bit but without making a cliche out of it. This was perfect! If my heroine had a minor potty accident, it would be not only completely feasible, but would slow down her journey in such a way that I could keep the tension in her part of the story where she had to get from A-B in a certain timeline, and also allow me to flesh out some character development at the same time! My creative juices immediately jumped into overdrive, and after delaying any further work or research over the last few days, I was suddenly excited to have a plan in mind to move things forward again. I walked quickly to my car, now incredibly excited and a bit anxious to hurry home and start writing, and my own slight need to pee had been quickly forgotten during my epiphany. But as I drove off, the rain started again, harder this time, and the sight of water running down my window soon reminded that although I was still dry, I’d need to go to the toilet as soon as I got home or I wouldn’t be staying like that for very long. 

 It was pouring down by the time I got back to the park, hard enough to convince me that I wasn’t about to make the walk back to the toilet no matter what. No biggie, I could just pee in the sink or bucket. 

 “Or your diaper,” DV whispered, never one to let an opportunity go to waste. 

 “Nuh-uh,” AV said rather prissily. “Potty training, remember?”

 “Whatever,” I mumbled to myself as I took the three steps from my car to the door, my excitement at my story idea easily overcoming any hesitation I might’ve felt about not going immediately to the toilet. 

 “You’re going to wet your pants Paigey,” AV said sternly, but to be honest, I didn’t care just then. 

 Continuing my internal monologue, I addressed the voices and myself as a collective group. 

 “I’ll tell ya what. I’m going to try holding on for awhile as I type, okay? Let me just make a start on this, and after a few paragraphs, I’ll go potty in the sink or something. Besides, does it REALLY matter if I have an accident? After all this?”

 Angel voice was either miffed or placated, and I’m sure DV was grinning, but they said no more. I shut and locked the door, took my boots and skirt off, and put a thick, folded towel down on the bench seat as I powered my laptop up. I will admit to sneaking a peek at my reflection, and I was happily surprised at just how cute I looked! My black ribbed tights were stretched across my abdomen, and the Goodnite was clearly visible from underneath, and teamed up with my thick white socks, I thought I looked adorable! Yes, perhaps somewhat childish I suppose, but I was beginning to see at least part of the attraction towards adult baby’s and the little side of this fetish I suppose. Fuck it. I felt cute, and that’s all that mattered, and besides, my babyish appearance and growing need to pee was really putting me in the right frame of mind to work on this particular aspect of my story. I poured myself an orange juice, and began to write. 

 I couldn’t just continue my current chapter on to this part, so I had to write it as a separate entity, something that I would have to edit together and marry up later, which is not how I usually like to do things, but it couldn’t be helped. I HAD to write these ideas down while they were still so fresh in my mind! It was like watching a movie in slow motion inside my head, where I knew what was going to happen before it did, but I had to see it anyway. My main character, (Sabrina) was trapped in her car and desperate for a piss, which she had been trying to put off until she got to her destination, but it was looking like she may have made a mistake with her timing…

 I started writing, seeing Sabrina with my minds eye. I could see her car, her clothes, the traffic jam. Everything. It was almost like I was doing a mind-melding thing with her, but strangely enough, my own need to pee seemed to simply vanish as I typed, which certainly wasn’t what I was expecting to happen. 

 Occasionally, I had to stop and start sentences again, because I realised that I was sometimes deviating off from a proper story, and into an omorashi-styled tale that might be published on here one day, and that simply wouldn’t do. I needed to keep my own impure thoughts on wetting and pee play completely separate and not just focus on that alone. I could only imagine my future editor reading about how Sabrina was tensing her pussy muscles, feeling her panties slowly getting wet a bit at a time, and how she was wriggling her pert bottom around in her little cutoff denim shorts. 

 Oh man. I really felt the need to just write an omo story just then! 

 After half an hour, my own need to pee suddenly made itself felt again, and worse than before, and I felt myself easily hitting a solid 8/10 on the desperation scale. 

 “Paige! Go to the toilet! Or at least the sink! You’re going to have an accident!” Angel Voice sounded worried, and more than a little bit cross with me. 

 I ignored her. I was finally happy with where Sabrina was at in the story, without any “personal pleasure” details showing through in my writing. I had managed to nicely explain her situation, including her burgeoning need to pee without sexualising it at all, while keeping it believable. I just needed her to have her accident, then I’d allow myself to pee, probably in my diaper while standing in the tub was my thought. I crossed my legs and curled my toes underneath the bench as I typed out my last few sentences. 

 “The traffic was terrible for some reason, and had come to a complete halt. A sweating Sabrina couldn’t move her car at all, not even to park, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Suddenly, an air horn sounded from close behind, causing her to jump, as the truck behind her had impatiently blown its horn, and she felt helpless as the seat grew warm and wet beneath her.”

 Suddenly, the seat and towel beneath me started getting wet as well, as my urine exploded out of me, completely overwhelming my little pull up, and causing my sheer black tights to start glistening as a wet stain started spreading down my legs. 

 I didn’t even try to stop it, choosing to keep on writing instead. I was in the most productive writing mood that I’d ever been in, and I knew that I’d be wetting myself again as the day drew on…..

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