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Accidents in front of friends or family?


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No accidents (apart from when I was a very little kid, anyway), but quite a bit of desperation. I've told these stories before, but I'll post them again here. 

*My parents know about my issue with Paruresis and that it's hard for me to go in public. But, it's still embarrassing. Once when we were on vacation, we went to a restaurant just before we were going to a show at the theater. My Mom told me to go pee at the restaurant since the toilet there was single-use and it was quieter, so she knew it would be easier for me. I was eighteen though, so it really embarrassed me that she was calling attention to it and telling me to pee like that. Even though she hadn't meant to, that made me feel very self-conscious. But, I hadn't peed since before we'd left that morning and I did need to relieve myself a bit. So, I tried to go, but the restroom was just beside the restaurant's kitchen and the instant I'd gotten myself out, one of the cooks started a loud conversation with one of the waiters. I could hear their voices super clearly, so I figured that meant they'd definitely hear it when I started peeing. More importantly, they could hear that I hadn't started peeing in spite of being in there for quite a while.  My anxiety went into overdrive, trying to convince me that they were definitely wondering why I wasn't peeing yet and judging me. Eventually, my heart was beating super hard and loud and I knew I wasn't gonna be able to go. 

I got back to the table where my parents were, and was too ashamed to admit I hadn't been able to go. I decided I'd just wait for the cook and the waiter to move away from the restroom's door, and try again. I'd just tell my parents I wanted to wash my hands. But, we had to leave to get to the show on time before the door was clear, so I didn't get a chance to give it another try. I was just gonna have to hold it until we got back to the place where we were staying. I thought it would be okay since I didn't have to go that badly. But, partway through the show I was having to make a conscious effort not to fidget in my seat. At intermission, when everyone around me was getting up to pee, I remember feeling super frustrated and envious because I wished I could just go do the same. My bladder was sending me a lot of really urgent signals. I had done a few holds for fun by this point in my life, and I was at the level where I definitely would have given in and peed if I'd been at home and fooling around like that. 

I hurriedly made a new plan. I'd wait for intermission to end and everyone to be back in their seats. That would mean the restroom would be empty and I could go. If my parents asked, I'd say I had a missed phone call I really had to look into and that's why I was leaving for a few minutes. I waited a few minutes after intermission was over, then made my way to the restroom. I was relieved when it was empty as I'd predicted, locked myself into a stall and unzipped. I remember I was just about to start peeing when the door opened and some guy came in, having a loud conversation on his phone. He didn't need the restroom, just a place to have his phone call. I remember feeling very annoyed with him. Couldn't he have done this in the hallway instead? It would have been less echoey there, he still wouldn't have disturbed anyone trying to watch the show, and most importantly, I would be able to pee. 

I actually started to shift my weight from foot to foot out of desperation, which I felt was completely ridiculous. I was standing in front of the toilet, completely free to let everything out, yet I was still holding it and even doing a silly pee-dance. I worried that the guy on the phone could see me shuffling around like that, could hear that I wasn't peeing, and was wondering what my problem was. I willed for his phone call to end and for him to leave, but several minutes ticked by and it didn't sound like there was an end in sight. My parents were probably starting to wonder why I wasn't back yet. I gave up, zipped my pants back up and went to wash my hands. The sound of the running water was torture for my bladder, as well as the feeling of it going over my hands. Reluctantly, I returned to my seat, resigned to keep holding out until the show was over and I was back where we were staying. 

I made it to the end of the show with my legs crossed, trying to make it appear casual. Standing up after it was over and walking outside the building with my parents was brutal. Every step was making me more and more aware of how long it had been since I'd last peed, and how much I'd had to drink each time we'd stopped for food. Worse yet was how I was determined not to show any sign of my need, I had to make myself walk normally and not like I was holding back what felt like several gallons of pee. 

We stopped off at a corner store to wait for a ride back to where we were staying. Inside the store as my parents picked up a few things to buy, I glanced longingly at the door to the restroom. We were the only people in the store, so I'd probably be able to use it. But, I didn't know if I had time before our ride got there, and was too embarrassed to ask my parents if I could go, and admit how I'd been unable to all day. After they'd bought the stuff they'd wanted, we went outside the store to wait. Now, I had to force myself to stand still when it felt like my bladder was going to burst. I remember not being able to manage that too well, and swaying back and forth ever so slightly hoping not to be noticed. After a few minutes, I asked how much longer it was until the ride was coming. That was when my Dad said that he'd only just put in the request when we'd left the store. 

This made me cringe. I could have peed in the store just fine! I wished they'd told me that the ride hadn't been called yet when we were in there, but realized it was ultimately my fault for being too embarrassed to ask in the first place. The ride came and we got in. When I put the seatbelt on, the pressure ratcheted up. It wasn't going to be a long ride, thankfully, but it was still agony. Eventually, I was unbuckling my seatbelt and undoing the button on my pants to give my bladder more room. I blamed car-sickness, claiming that my stomach hurt and I didn't want more pressure on it. This seemed to be believed, with the driver even asking if he had to roll down a window so I could be sick. 

I clenched my hands into my seat, fighting not to grab myself to relieve some of the pressure. I had to pee so, so bad I couldn't think of anything else. I was so embarrassed about how I was acting, squirming and fidgeting and everything. I even dribbled a few times when the car went over some speed-bumps. I hoped my parents couldn't tell what the real problem was. My Dad teases me a lot, it's in good fun and all, but this was one thing I didn't like to be teased for. I was worried he would if he figured out what was happening, and I was worried my Mom would lecture me about speaking up again, either one of those would make me feel so self-conscious and humiliated. I realized that they'd definitely know if I went straight for the toilet as soon as we got there. So, that meant I'd have to wait a little bit once we were there. 

I know that was a stupid decision, but I was so embarrassed, frantic and self-conscious that all rational thought had fled from my mind.  We were staying in an AirBNB type place that was like a little house, and when we got there I sat on the couch and looked at my phone, trying to look calm and relaxed and trying not to look at the restroom a few feet away. When I felt enough time had passed, I said I wanted to take my shower, and to try to prove how I totally wasn't super eager to get into the restroom at all, I asked if either of them wanted to go first. They didn't since there was something on TV they wanted to watch. So, I got my stuff and went in. I turned the shower on first and then finally unzipped at the toilet and let it flow. As the atrocious pressure in my bladder drained out, so too did the frantic, nervous embarrassment, and I began to feel pretty silly for not just telling my parents about my problem so they could try to help with it. I should not have been so concerned about their judging me or potentially making fun of me or being annoyed. I mean, they were my parents, after all. 

I peed for a very, very long time. Even more thanI had during any of my fun-holds up to that point. My bladder was angry with me for what I'd put it through, especially the extra time I'd forced it to remain shut after we'd gotten back and literally nothing should have prevented me from just peeing. My middle felt sore, and I knew from experience that meant my bladder was gonna be tired out for a bit and I'd need to empty it more frequently. Except, the next few days were gonna be just as busy and with just as few opportunities for me to get relief. This meant that after my shower, I had to do the exact thing I was too embarrassed to do earlier that had led to this whole mess. 

I told my Mom how I hadn't been able to pee at the restaurant because I could hear people talking outside the door, and hadn't been able to go at the theater for the same reason. How I'd been too shy to ask for a pee break at the store and how I'd been in agony from holding it too long on our drive back and too embarrassed to say anything about it. She, as predicted, did scold me for not speaking up about my needs, but decided that since I was too self-conscious to say it outright, I could use a code of some sort instead. I said I could use a scale to tell her how bad I needed to go for the rest of the trip, and then she and my Dad would help me find somewhere private enough. The rest of the trip went a bit better. I did get more desperate than I would have liked when it took a while to find somewhere private, but I didn't end up having to hold through an entire day like I had the first day. 

Most importantly, my bladder was no longer so sore by the end of the trip, which meant I made it through the flight back home without issue. 

*Haven't got any siblings, but I do have younger cousins, and there have been some incidents in front of them. The most embarrassing happened when my youngest cousin R was potty-training, and it was during the family's Christmas get-together. There were two restrooms at my aunt's house and after having several drinks and being there many hours, I had to pee like crazy. I went into the first restroom and unzipped, but I could hear everyone talking loudly outside the door and couldn't go. The other restroom was farther away from everybody, so I thought I'd have better luck there. Except R's potty seat adapter thing was on it, and I couldn't figure out how to get it off so I could lift the seat and go, especially when I could barely think straight through my desperation. I gave up on that and even tried just sitting down on the stupid thing. Except, the opening was so small, it had a spill guard and a kind of raised back that prevented me from sitting down all the way, and it was one of those adapters that has a ladder attached to it which was just in my way. I couldn't get myself into a position that wouldn't cause a huge mess if I started peeing, and I didn't think my aim was good enough to not completely soak the seat if I tried to do it standing, especially from the distance I'd have to do it from because of the ladder. 

From there, I looked at the sink, and several incredibly tempting thoughts went through my mind. I talked myself out of it because I was worried it might leave a smell and somebody'd be able to figure out what I'd done. Resigned, I went back to where everyone else was. Hopefully, they'd move further from the other restroom soon so I could use it easier. A little while later is when it got extra embarrassing. R said she had to go, and she was still at the stage where she needed help with getting on and off the toilet and was scared of the noise the flush made and stuff. So, she needed someone to take her, and since I wasn't busy, that responsibility fell on me. I got her onto the seat and turned around to give her privacy. Having to hear someone else pee while you're bursting is just awful. My bladder was lurching and shuddering and despite all efforts I must have been bouncing in place or squirming in some way, because R asked if I had to "go potty" too, and that I should go right away since it looked like I was gonna "have an uh-oh". I could feel my face practically steam with embarrassment that a toddler that was still not completely potty-trained was lecturing me on holding it. When she was done, I flushed the toilet for her, the sound making my need worsen. She asked me if I needed help going potty, and I'm sure my face was redder than it had ever been in my life. But I realized that, in a way, I kind of did and asked if she knew how to get the seat adapter off of the toilet since it was too small for me. She showed me the things you pressed on to get it to come off and I ushered her out of the room so I could take care of my problem.  When the seat was removed relatively easily now that I knew how it worked I breathed a sigh of relief as I unzipped and finally peed. Much better! 

But, unfortunately, the humiliation was not yet over. Because little kids don't know when to not announce things. When we got back to the rest of the family she said very loudly that we'd both helped each other go potty, and I wanted to die. 

*There have been a number of times I've been desperate while out with friends, especially during college. There was one incident where I decided to go to a faire with a group of friends, and the only thing provided for men was this trough urinal that was always crowded and I couldn’t use at all. There were portaloos for the women, but I was worried I’d make someone uncomfortable lining up for one, and then I still might not be able to go anyway. Eventually, I could no longer hide my desperation. My friends started to tease me about it. They thought it was funny that I wouldn’t use the trough even though my teeth were floating, and made some running water jokes and stuff that made me need to go so much worse. 

I knew they were just having fun and all, and they didn’t understand that it wasn’t that I wouldn’t use the trough, it was that I couldn’t use it, but in the moment it wasn’t funny to me at all. A restaurant near the event was allowing attendees to use their bathroom if they paid a few dollars and weren’t noticeably intoxicated. I eventually broke down and did this, though I was worried that I’d just be wasting the money and still be unable to go. But, it was a single use bathroom that actually locked and the relief was worth every penny. I remember wishing I’d worn my watch so that I could have timed how long I was peeing for, since it seemed like it would never end. I felt almost lighter after I’d finally finished.

One of my friends, S, really liked to make fun of me for being pee shy. Whenever I was somewhere that I couldn't get myself to go, and started to get desperate, she would tease me. A lot. She'd elbow me in the side, always managing to hit me in a place that made my bladder convulse really hard. She'd sing little songs about waterfalls, oceans, streams, rain, anything to do with water. If we were somewhere that she'd bring her water bottle, she'd tilt it about so I'd have to hear the liquid in it slosh, which made the liquid in my bladder do the same. Or if she didn't have a bottle, she'd try to make water noises with her mouth. When I left to the restroom and came back obviously still full and unrelieved since I hadn't been able to relax and use it, she'd always comment on it. It got to the point that I'm pretty sure she was just into seeing me desperate. It seemed to be a lot more than just thinking my predicament was funny. She had this really vested interest in being near me when I was bursting, and when that happened it was the only thing she wanted to talk to me about. If one of her jabs at my side got me to double over or-- worse-- hold myself in front of her, she would laugh with delight, her face going pink. 

One time, she knew I was bursting when we were at another friend's place. As I was about to try and use the toilet there, she stopped me at the door and started a long conversation. I was trying to sway back and forth as subtly as possible, but I seriously had to go so it was hard not to be obvious. I kept trying to get the discussion to end, too embarrassed to say it was an emergency-- and it was pretty obvious she knew it was pretty bad anyway since she kept making teasing comments. When she stopped talking for a minute, I rushed in, but then she stayed just outside the door and continued talking to me so I couldn't go. She really teased me then, saying stuff like "Oh, I thought you had to pee? I don't hear you going. What's the matter?" Eventually our other friend asked her to come do something for him and she left me alone long enough that I could go. 

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This past Christmas season, putting up lights, my stomach was bad but I put off running to the bathroom because it didn't feel extremely urgent, and helped my mom and bro with the lights. ...Then I coughed and instantly pooped myself. Mom kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn't talk because it's hard to chat and fill your pants at the same time, even if it's to explain that that's what you're doing. I laughed about it later, but not so much at the time.

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Like gtg2468 I grew up, especially after the age of about 9 or 10 with urge incontinence so I was often  fighting off increasing desperation, looking for the bathroom or having an accident.   As far as accidents in front of family or friends: 

1)  In the car coming back from what I remember as Christmas shopping, I needed to go but mother  kept giving me the "You'll have to wait till we get home" routine.  She stopped a couple places but told me ""I'll only be a minute. Wait in the car."  She took way more than a minute.  After several more miles of begging her to please stop somewhere I couldn't hold it any longer.  I was about 13 or 14,   so even though mother was the only witness it was  extremely  humiliating..

2)  I might have already posted about the Halloween party.  I was eleven yrs old.   We were watching a movie in the dark.  I hadn't been able to find the bathroom before it started but figured I could wait till it was over.  I was wrong.  I was successful at stifling the urge to cry.   When the lights came everyone started getting their coats  to leave and...... nobody noticed me!  I thought I'd get away with it.  Then one of the supervising mothers said very sympathetically and very LOUDLY: Aww, what happened Hon.  Did you have  a little accident!?"  That got everyone's attention and the laughter started.   I started to cry making it worse.  Lots of my friends were there plus older and younger kids including my little sister.  To top it off when we got home mother asks: How was the Halloween party?    And little sister says:   Richie peed in his pants!    Mother was peeved to say the least.

Edited by richard3
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