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How to get over fear of peeing outside?


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I've mentioned this before, but I live in an apartment building, and I have this fantasy of taking out my garbage with a full bladder. I've done it once and it was GREAT, but now I want to actually pee myself at the dumpster.

The problem is that I am VERY shy, and I'm terrified of actually doing holds in public.

Earlier today, I thought I'd practice by drinking some water, and then take the trash out while I had to pee a little (JUST a little). I figured it'd be good practice.

So, once I felt ready, I put on my coat, a mask, grabbed the garbage, and headed to the elevator. But once I got out the back door, I couldn't pee. I tried, but I couldn't. My brain lied to my body and was like "Nah, man! You don't have to pee at all!" when I actually did a little.

It was 9PM. it was dark out. There was nobody else around, and yet I couldn't pee.

I think my issue is that even though nobody was around, there might have been people in the balconies watching. There are also cameras, and I'm definitely worried about visible wet patches in the camera footage even though I wear dark clothes.

Those of you who actually can pee yourself in public for fun, How do you do it? How do I get this power? Do I just throw caution to the wind and go all out on the liquids?

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Ah, a feeling I know very well. If you're anything like me, then your level of desperation will not make it easier for you to go outside, just make you wish much more strongly that you could. For me, the anxiety that accompanies my Paruresis is so strong that even when I probably should have just wet myself, I end up with pain and not an accident. A few times I've been so desperate and unable to get relief that I've tried to just let go and have an accident, damn the consequences, but it doesn't work. However, this is a pretty extreme level of stage-fright that I've got, so hopefully your body will react a little bit differently than mine does. 

My partner F is nowhere near as shy as I am about this, only occasionally getting that "frozen-up" feeling that I have so often. If he is very desperate, and the only option available is to go outside, he can do it. It used to be a little more difficult, but he found a trick that works for him. (He's never had an accident outside, but I'd assume it works if your goal is to pee yourself as well.) What he does is he will unzip, shut his eyes and pretend he's in a proper restroom, then count down from ten. Normally he says he'll start peeing before he gets all the way down to one. This trick isn't enough to help me relax, but maybe it will work for you. (Although, I guess you could skip the whole 'unzipping' step, haha.) 

As for possible witnesses on the balcony, if you are taking out the garbage it's not like it's impossible for something to have spilled on you, which would be a more likely explanation for them to latch onto. 

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One way to get your feet wet (pun intended) would be to wear something that you know won't show anything, and do it in the dark. The first time I did it outside was actually a semi legitimate accident (a situation with no bathroom caused me to get the most desperate I've ever been, without even realizing it... and then I chose to walk in the opposite direction from the bathroom, haha). Happy to tell the story if anyone is interested 😛. But I was wearing old track pants that were black shiny nylon on the outside, and had a cotton liner, and it was nighttime. I completely (like completely) soaked them and walked back through the park to my campervan in the main parking lot (I was travelling in New Zealand at the time). There were streetlights in the parking lot area, but no one could see the damage because the pants just didn't show it.

Another time (also in New Zealand) I was in a sit-on kayak wearing a bathing suit. No one knew because we were all wet anyways. That was also a funny story because right as I was letting some of it go (with my eyes closed pretending to be resting), my buddy I was travelling with decided to ram me with his kayak, haha. He was right beside me and never noticed.

You could also bring rain pants (if you happen to have them) and put them on over top of whatever you're wearing, or wet and then put them on right after so no one can see as you walk home.

I think someplace without the fear of cameras might help you go the first time. If you're wearing dark clothes and it's dark out, someone would have to be pretty close to see the wet spot on your clothes and guess what you were actually doing. I don't think anyone on a balcony would ever think twice if they saw someone standing at the garbage. 

One benefit of covid is that we're all wearing masks anyways (at least in Vancouver), so you're even more anonymous if a random camera does catch you, especially if you're wearing a hat too!

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25 minutes ago, segaface said:

Ah, a feeling I know very well. If you're anything like me, then your level of desperation will not make it easier for you to go outside, just make you wish much more strongly that you could. For me, the anxiety that accompanies my Paruresis is so strong that even when I probably should have just wet myself, I end up with pain and not an accident. A few times I've been so desperate and unable to get relief that I've tried to just let go and have an accident, damn the consequences, but it doesn't work. However, this is a pretty extreme level of stage-fright that I've got, so hopefully your body will react a little bit differently than mine does. 

My partner F is nowhere near as shy as I am about this, only occasionally getting that "frozen-up" feeling that I have so often. If he is very desperate, and the only option available is to go outside, he can do it. It used to be a little more difficult, but he found a trick that works for him. (He's never had an accident outside, but I'd assume it works if your goal is to pee yourself as well.) What he does is he will unzip, shut his eyes and pretend he's in a proper restroom, then count down from ten. Normally he says he'll start peeing before he gets all the way down to one. This trick isn't enough to help me relax, but maybe it will work for you. (Although, I guess you could skip the whole 'unzipping' step, haha.) 

As for possible witnesses on the balcony, if you are taking out the garbage it's not like it's impossible for something to have spilled on you, which would be a more likely explanation for them to latch onto. 

Ooh, thats a good trick. I'll have to remember that one.

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Great news. I did it!

I finally filled up a new trash bag, so I went for it.

I drank, I smoked some pot, and I drank a little more before trying. As I finally left the building, I could hear 2 people talking loudly on a balcony above me so I was a little worried. It was 12:30 at night, and it was raining a little ( just some sprinkling), so the ground was already wet. That made me feel a little better.

As I was walking to the dumpster, I started to concentrate, and I started peeing a little. I made sure not to break my stride walking, so I kept moving, and threw the trash bag in the dumpster.

I was a little worried as I turned around, but now that I've checked the damage, nobody would have noticed unless they were REALLY close to my pants.

I didn't pee entirely, so I intend to finish that off on my balcony.

Thanks for your help, everyone.

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