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Levels of desperation


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I need help settling an argument between my wife and I.

At what point do you consider yourself desperate? When your bladder is full? When you have to shift weight to find comfort? Or when you get frantic? I said it’s once you start having to shift your weight around or pee dance. But she says it’s when you get frantic.

Same goes for the “I’m about to burst!” Stage. Is it when you feel a little bit try to escape? Or is it when you feel so uncomfortable that’s all you can think of? I said it’s when you feel like it’s about to all shoot out but she says it’s when a little bit is trying to escape.

Whats your take on this? 

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I think probably everybody is different in this regard but I know that I feel desperate as soon as I can no longer ignore the feeling in my bladder, although it could be a long time sometimes before I am actually at the point where I think I'm going to burst. I can say that from being at my job though by hour three I am definitely desperate and by the last hour or two I am completely out of my mind having to pee and barely can think about anything else.

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23 minutes ago, DesperateJill said:

I think probably everybody is different in this regard but I know that I feel desperate as soon as I can no longer ignore the feeling in my bladder, although it could be a long time sometimes before I am actually at the point where I think I'm going to burst. I can say that from being at my job though by hour three I am definitely desperate and by the last hour or two I am completely out of my mind having to pee and barely can think about anything else.

That also asks the question, does having a interest in Omo make our scales different because we know our bladders better?

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@sammilove

"That also asks the question, does having a interest in Omo make our scales different because we know our bladders better?"

I definitely think the people who are actively into this and think about their bladder more probably do have different scales than a person who doesn't have a fetish for this. The average person who isn't used to holding it or hasn't held it to extreme levels probably has different scales. But this question comes up frequently in omorashi communities and I have to say that everybody's answer is different. I think that our scales are very individualized with everyone saying that they are desperate or bursting at different levels. I think the simplest thing now is that if you are uncomfortable you are desperate and if you are going out of your mind you are bursting, that's probably the way to the most best simplify it!


I do think our perception of the scales can change with experience. I mean before my job I would say after like three or four hours I was may be desperate by like two or three hours or four hours at the most, and that's where I would normally give up if I had been holding recreationally. So I used to think bursting is where I give up, but now I would say that I'm bursting by hour four but yet I still hold on for 2 1/2 hours. So it really does put things into perspective where bursting used to be I give up to bursting is now "I really really gotta go but I still have 2 1/2 hours left whimper!"


I do think there is a difference between how long we will hold comfortably before we would give up under normal circumstances, and how much we will continue holding when we have no choice but to hold, and that affects our perception of scale.

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Depends on the situation. If I genuinely have nowhere to go and no choice but to keep holding, then I panic a lot sooner and my brain tricks me into thinking it's an emergency right away. Which actually seems to prompt my bladder into filling faster! 

If I'm at home and holding on purpose, knowing I can stop when it gets to be too much, I don't consider it a true emergency until I can't stop holding myself and am having trouble breathing. 

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For me, desperate is when I'm likely to have an accident. Can't ignore it, hurts, have to do something (shift around, cross my legs etc) to keep holding it. This is what beer/ coffee leads to, or just drinking too much in general.

"I'm about to burst!" is similar, but a little easier to deal with and not really painful. I feel like I'm less likely to leak when I'm in this stage. This is probably just when the bladder is full or to the point of overfilling.

Of course, everyone is different.

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My wife and I use the 1-10 scale from here to communicate how desperate we are. We modified it slightly so that we deal in percentages, so out of 100 instead of 10.

I would consider anything over 70% would be desperate. Certainly when my wife tells me that she is over 70% I pay more attention. A lot of the time when she texts me she is over 90% which is when it gets interesting.

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7 minutes ago, wetpantsboy said:

My wife and I use the 1-10 scale from here to communicate how desperate we are. We modified it slightly so that we deal in percentages, so out of 100 instead of 10.

I would consider anything over 70% would be desperate. Certainly when my wife tells me that she is over 70% I pay more attention. A lot of the time when she texts me she is over 90% which is when it gets interesting.

I’ve always went by the 1-10 scale. It was my favorite out of those 3 and probably the most commonly known.

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14 hours ago, DesperateJill said:

I think probably everybody is different in this regard but I know that I feel desperate as soon as I can no longer ignore the feeling in my bladder, although it could be a long time sometimes before I am actually at the point where I think I'm going to burst. I can say that from being at my job though by hour three I am definitely desperate and by the last hour or two I am completely out of my mind having to pee and barely can think about anything else.

I second this. Once you're distracted that kinda marks the desperate stage for me because at that point you're not going to be productive in much else. Either a 6 or 7 out of 10.

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I would say I'm desperate when I can't concentrate on anything, even watching TV. So about an 8/10

I'm about to burst when I start to leak. The only reason THIS PART isn't when I can't concentrate, is because I can still hold for a while when I can't concentrate, which I hate because time moves very slowly, and all I want is an accident.

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@Drip Drop

"I second this. Once you're distracted that kinda marks the desperate stage for me because at that point you're not going to be productive in much else. Either a 6 or 7 out of 10."

I definitely think that that is true, I think anything past level 5 and you are basically thinking about peeing and anything past level 7 and it is just constantly nonstop thinking about having to go to the bathroom. But again you can be surprised at how long you can hold it even when you are considered at the bursting level. I mean I am definitely at a level 6 or seven by the time I reached the halfway point of the day, so it's really crazy to think about the fact that I am probably spending at least three or four hours a day totally desperate and yet somehow and functioning on that level.


Luckily it's an easy job where I spend most of the day just with downtime, but it tends not to be a productive day because even though I have lots of time to just kill mostly it's kind of hard to focus on anything other than the fact that I really really have to go to the bathroom! I mean other people have told me that you should just ignore it and everything like that, but when you really really have to pee and there's no bathroom how do you not be constantly thinking about the bathroom? I mean maybe people are just better at ignoring bodily sensations than I am, but I know that anything past level 6 or seven and I am just nonstop thinking when am I going to get to a bathroom, I have to go to the bathroom, good Lord I have to pee etc. etc. and hardly another thought goes through my mind and I don't go more than a few minutes or sometimes less without thinking about the fact that my bladder is full and that I need to go to the bathroom.

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I'm my formative years we tended to say we were dying to pee if it was getting bad, bursting to pee if it was very uncomfortable but still controllable, while desperate meant getting to the point where control was becoming critical.  I define desperate as can't really manage any more.  It's more than really deeply desirable, badly wanted, very welcome - it has now become essential.  

 

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From my point of view, the desperate state begins when the mind is constantly occupied with the thought that you are need to pee and finding a toilet becomes a major goal.
External expression can be very different for each person and many times remains hidden. Sometimes, even a verbal expression is enough tо realize how badly the person had to pee. I have noticed that there are women who manage to control their body quite successfully. They could hold it without performing any specific desperate movements like shifting from leg to leg or bending legs, while at the same time they complains they are going to pee herself.

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I have to concede that for me, desperate is when it has reached the point where I'm having trouble concentrating and I may be shifting around a little bit uncomfortably. I can hold on longer, but unless I have to (or am holding intentionally) I'm not Going to. 

I'm about to burst is when I have to physically hold myself or position myself in ways to use outside pressure to keep from leaking.

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15 hours ago, rebeljaffa said:

I'm my formative years we tended to say we were dying to pee if it was getting bad, bursting to pee if it was very uncomfortable but still controllable, while desperate meant getting to the point where control was becoming critical.  I define desperate as can't really manage any more.  It's more than really deeply desirable, badly wanted, very welcome - it has now become essential.  

 

Yes, I would agree. People often exaggerate. I say I'm desperate when I'm at the stage of not being able to stay still or settle at all, and can't think about anything except finding a toilet, which is now essential. Just a short step from being frantic.

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7 hours ago, Anna B said:

Yes, I would agree. People often exaggerate. I say I'm desperate when I'm at the stage of not being able to stay still or settle at all, and can't think about anything except finding a toilet, which is now essential. Just a short step from being frantic.

Oh well, frantically desperate is the last step I suppose 😁 

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On 3/31/2021 at 7:10 PM, segaface said:

Depends on the situation. If I genuinely have nowhere to go and no choice but to keep holding, then I panic a lot sooner and my brain tricks me into thinking it's an emergency right away. Which actually seems to prompt my bladder into filling faster! 

If I'm at home and holding on purpose, knowing I can stop when it gets to be too much, I don't consider it a true emergency until I can't stop holding myself and am having trouble breathing. 

@segaface

I have exactly the same thing! Quite interesting to see it mentioned here. For me the desperation level also gets heightened when it is a public situation with no immediate toilet in sight. And I also have the feeling that this stress causes the bladder to fill more rapidly (or maybe it is just the bladder getting more tense).

So I have like a different scale at home or in public situations.

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23 minutes ago, DespLoveDennis said:

@segaface

I have exactly the same thing! Quite interesting to see it mentioned here. For me the desperation level also gets heightened when it is a public situation with no immediate toilet in sight. And I also have the feeling that this stress causes the bladder to fill more rapidly (or maybe it is just the bladder getting more tense).

So I have like a different scale at home or in public situations.

In addition to anxiety making my bladder fill faster, it also makes it just about impossible for me to relax and empty it when I actually get to a toilet. My anxiety has led to more extreme desperation experiences than I can count because of this. And, it means unplanned desperation is generally a super emotional experience for me, which also effects how I'd rate my desperation. When I'm challenging myself and having fun, I'm more likely to under estimate how much I really need to go, but when I'm panicking and upset, my mind will convince me I'm going to burst any second before I'm actually in danger of that happening. 

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33 minutes ago, segaface said:

In addition to anxiety making my bladder fill faster, it also makes it just about impossible for me to relax and empty it when I actually get to a toilet. My anxiety has led to more extreme desperation experiences than I can count because of this. And, it means unplanned desperation is generally a super emotional experience for me, which also effects how I'd rate my desperation. When I'm challenging myself and having fun, I'm more likely to under estimate how much I really need to go, but when I'm panicking and upset, my mind will convince me I'm going to burst any second before I'm actually in danger of that happening. 

@segaface

Wow, that sounds super intense indeed! It's like an endless torture of desperation! 😮

For me it is quite the opposite. My anxiety gives a very strong impulse to empty my bladder. A bit like my body saying: we are in a stressful situation, let us at least get rid of this annoying factor! So I have to put in more and more brainpower to keep holding it. Which often kind of makes me shut down socially - or I start to react quite extreme and unpleasant. So I do understand the emotional factor in it! That is a thing you don't have when you are safe at home.

I must say, I am also not really trained at doing long holds. Desperation is more a fantasy thing for me. So I guess the fact that I am not used to a super full bladder also causes extra panic.

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18 minutes ago, DespLoveDennis said:

@segaface

Wow, that sounds super intense indeed! It's like an endless torture of desperation! 😮

For me it is quite the opposite. My anxiety gives a very strong impulse to empty my bladder. A bit like my body saying: we are in a stressful situation, let us at least get rid of this annoying factor! So I have to put in more and more brainpower to keep holding it. Which often kind of makes me shut down socially - or I start to react quite extreme and unpleasant. So I do understand the emotional factor in it! That is a thing you don't have when you are safe at home.

I must say, I am also not really trained at doing long holds. Desperation is more a fantasy thing for me. So I guess the fact that I am not used to a super full bladder also causes extra panic.

Yep, it gets extremely intense. Sometimes I have to go so badly that I'm having pain in my back, but still can't actually pee for the life of me. Being stuck somewhere like that with no way of making it stop or knowing when it will end is agonizing. My partner can help me relax sometimes now though, and that makes it better. The first time he helped me relax enough to pee in front of him (which was the first time I'd peed with someone near me at all in years) was a super huge deal for me, as was the first time he helped me calm down enough to pee in a public restroom. 

I think anxiety also causes your bladder to squeeze in on itself a bit, since you're so tense in general. 

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