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Hey everyone!

I know that we are all here for a good time and to talk about a topic we all find arousing in one way or another, but I wanted to take a moment and discuss something that has been weighing on my mind as of late. We are a community (at least I see this site as such), so I think it's only fair that we discuss the positive parts of this fetish with the challenging parts.

First, the background. I am in my early 30s and live in the Western US. I am in a fantastic relationship with the women that, I have no doubt, will be my wife someday. We have known each other for a few years as friends, but just recently started to see each other romantically a year ago. More than likely because of our "friendship-first" origin story, we have a deep and passionate connection. Everything about our relationship just "clicks" and feels like it was always meant to be. Even our fights seem to fit and we usually come out of them with a better and healthier understanding of one another. I say all of this not to brag but to truly communicate to all of you how right I feel with this women. I will also note that she is almost 100% aware of my fetish for Omo and was super understanding and caring when I told her (though she does not get aroused by it as I do). I say "almost 100%" because I have told her most of my fantasies and arousals pertaining to Omo, but there are nuances that I haven't shared because they are a bit more fringe. For example, I have told her how much I want to see her have an accident while we are on a road trip. I haven't yet told her that I would also like to see that if she were wearing a diaper. I have told her that I occasionally like to hold and wet, I haven't yet told her how that is an area I want to explore more with her and possibly introduce diapers into my holding. You get the idea. So, she knows what I am into for the most part and is accepting of it. More than that, she has indulged me from time-to-time. She has held until she had an accident in her jeans twice (a dress three times!), she has gone down on me while holding and wet her panties before I finished, and she has held a few times during sex (having an accident in bed one of those times). All in all, I am a supremely lucky guy.

That is what brings me here. Given everything I just shared, I still crave more. As this year has gone by, our kinky play time has decreased a lot (to zero, in fact). We talked about it openly and she said that she is not feeling so comfortable in her own skin right now (we both put on a little quarantine weight), and she needs to feel proud of herself before she is willing to indulge my fetish. This is a perfectly reasonable and healthy request and I told her that I would not push the issue or request anything related to kink until she brought it up again. She told me that she felt badly about it and said that she would not feel sad or upset if I used videos from this and other Omo sites to help me fulfill that part of me when alone. So I started doing just that. When she next inquired about it, I was honest with her and told her that I had been pleasing myself to Omo videos (mind you, or non-omo sex life has not decreased much save the occasional work overload that happens to everyone for a week or so). When I told her this, the words that came from her mouth were supportive and positive, but the sentiment and look in her eyes was sadness and self-doubt. So, I stopped telling her about the times that I kink-play and it has, once again, become my own personal secret.

The title of this post is kink guilt, so let me share all that I am feeling on the subject. First, I feel guilt around the fact that I am not being completely open with her about my alone time. I did try once more to tell her I kink-played a few weeks after the first time and it went exactly the same way. I desperately want to be honest with her, but I also feel a strong urge to protect her emotions. This leads into the second part of the guilt. I feel guilty that there is a part of me that makes her sad and has the potential to hurt her. I love her more that words can express, so the idea that a part of my sexual identity could cause her pain is a pretty hard thing to cope with. The third layer of guilt is around my inability to just turn that part of my off. I feel guilty that has so little control over myself that I can't just put these mental fantasies away until she is ready to engage with them again (if she ever is). I tried when we first had our discussion and it worked for a while. Then I found myself waking up in the middle of the night after a particularly kinky dream and absolutely CRAVING wet sex. I was able to channel my desires into non-omg sex (which was amazing given my need), but when we were done, she asked where that came from and I had to withhold the truth again; see guilt layer one. The last layer of guilt is centered around greed. Here I am with this ridiculously kind, beautiful, smart, sexy woman that loves me as much as I love her and I am still wanting for something?! If you were to ask a version of me from a few years ago, I would have traded my left kidney for even a chance to be in the relationship I am now. I feel guilty that I cannot just be blissfully happy with her and appreciate what I have in front of me.

I post this today for a myriad of reasons. One, I indulged today and wet myself while watching kinky videos and then had a glorious orgasm. Sadly, euphoria was immediately replaced by the ever-familiar guilt and self-loathing. This made me think that maybe it would help to share with someone (or a lot of someones in this case!). The second reason stems from the first. If I am feeling this way, there may be others that are as well, and it may be helpful to hear that they are not alone. Lastly, I am curious to see if any of you find community members have felt with this before and can offer some sage advice to me and anyone else following this thread. I was a lurker for many years before finally posting here, so I know there is a lot that can be learned by simply reading replies. If any of these reasons speak true, then the time spent writing this would have been worth it.

Any way, thanks so much for taking the time to read this and I will see all of you in the comments (hopefully!).

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Evidently your girlfriend means more to you than almost anything else. This being so, you'll have to temper your omo desires, and keep quiet about them. It can be done. I managed it for a long time, which may be one reason I drench myself now that I live alone. I used to take every opportunity to wet myself. If my wife went out for the evening, I'd wet myself. I didn't wet my pants, because I didn't do the laundry. I'd wash myself, dry myself and when she came home, we'd enjoy each other. It worked. I made sure it did.

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I wish I had something wise or comforting to say!

I've been with my partner for years and he has no idea about my fetish. I have no intentions on telling him either. He suffers from depression and our sex life is not as active as I would like it to be. I mastubate a lot to make up for it. He knows I do, but he has NO idea how often I do, let alone what videos I watch.

I definitely know what it's like to be ashamed of it. I suppose I wish I didn't have this fetish lol because I do think it can be rather unsanitary... that being said, I've accepted it as a kink, and I appreciate having community. It's arousing that people get off to my weird fetish too! That's enough for me I guess.

On the flipside, I get pretty offended if my partner watches porn when he hasn't been fucking me,  even though he watches really tame stuff. I think it's important both parties be satisfied. If your partner is not interested in your fetish, do not push it on her. Ask her what HER fantasies are. Even if you have to keep your fetish as a You only activity, make sure she is satisfied so you can better explain to her that you are happy with her, but still want to do this other thing. Otherwise, ask how far she's willing to go for you 🙂

Edited by Jaieee (see edit history)
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The main thing that stood out to me there was that she hasn't been feeling up to it lately because of the toll the whole lockdown thing has taken. Clearly she's more than happy to indulge you in this judging by what you say she's tried with you, but given the current circumstances it's reasonable for her to be a bit worn out and maybe not feel up to it. I think in trying to fill that gap with porn you could be making her feel a little guilty herself. There's this thing that you want from her and when she's not emotionally stable enough to be able to give it to you you're looking elsewhere for it, when perhaps you should be pushing that aside for now.

It's obviously important to you, but to her it could seem that you maybe don't need her as much as she thought you did because you've found a way to replace her, even if only in this relatively small part of your life, and whatever it is that's got her feeling down, it's like she's going through that alone now, when maybe she needs you to sacrifice this part of your life and go through it with her.

Sorry if this sounds judgemental or is just way off. Just my thoughts.

I agree with @PrincessPeeach about how important it is to not hide away from it. She needs to know if it's important to you, but it doesn't mean you can't take a break from it occasionally if it's for the overall health of the relationship.

At the same time though, @AquaVitae makes a good point about needing to come to terms with the fact that your fantasies will likely never be realised. It's not necessarily a terrible thing. You just need to be open to compromise.

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I'm glad that you are in a loving relationship and have a healthy sex life, even if it doesn't fully incorporate each of your kinks.  I would think that the key to working on the problem is likely communication.  I would say that revealing everything all at once in one massive torrent is a way to overwhelm her, but maybe suggesting certain things little by little to her might be a way to incorporate them.  For example, if you want her to wet herself while on a road trip with you and use a diaper, you may be able to suggest the road trip and joke that you might be able to make good time if you didn't make many stops along the way.  If she says that she might need to pee, you might "joke" with her saying that maybe you could both wear diapers.  Then, and this is very important, feel her out to see how she seems to feel about it.  If she isn't receptive, I would say let it go for now.

That said, you have planted that seed and she might surprise you sometime when she is ready.  Again, communication is very important and you shouldn't force her into something she doesn't want to do, but at the same time, she would probably love nothing more than to accommodate your personal kinks.  Also, don't be afraid to ask her about her kinks.  What does she like and are you willing to do some of them for her?  Another thing, and this is important, let her know how much she means to you.  It sounds like she is feeling a bit down.  Boost her up a bit.

When doing stuff she likes, it's very likely to turn you on that she's turned on.  Let her know when you are turned on by something she is into.  it will encourage her to do that with you as well.  Believe me, you have your secrets and she has hers.  When you can both enjoy each other's interests, you will have even more fun and it will encourage you to try new stuff that may be tangentially related.

Edited by ilikeadultvids (see edit history)
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On 2/19/2021 at 12:17 PM, Tall Cake said:

The main thing that stood out to me there was that she hasn't been feeling up to it lately because of the toll the whole lockdown thing has taken. Clearly she's more than happy to indulge you in this judging by what you say she's tried with you, but given the current circumstances it's reasonable for her to be a bit worn out and maybe not feel up to it. I think in trying to fill that gap with porn you could be making her feel a little guilty herself. There's this thing that you want from her and when she's not emotionally stable enough to be able to give it to you you're looking elsewhere for it, when perhaps you should be pushing that aside for now.

It's obviously important to you, but to her it could seem that you maybe don't need her as much as she thought you did because you've found a way to replace her, even if only in this relatively small part of your life, and whatever it is that's got her feeling down, it's like she's going through that alone now, when maybe she needs you to sacrifice this part of your life and go through it with her.

Sorry if this sounds judgemental or is just way off. Just my thoughts.

I agree with @PrincessPeeach about how important it is to not hide away from it. She needs to know if it's important to you, but it doesn't mean you can't take a break from it occasionally if it's for the overall health of the relationship.

At the same time though, @AquaVitae makes a good point about needing to come to terms with the fact that your fantasies will likely never be realised. It's not necessarily a terrible thing. You just need to be open to compromise.

These are some good points.  Yeah, your initial reaction may be to use online porn to fulfil your personal needs, but you will need to let her know that she is needed and work to making her feel better, which was kind of what I was getting at with my post.  Let her know that you want her and that you are willing to try some of her things as well.  Who knows, much like PrincessPeeach said, you may grow to enjoy some things she likes and that is awesome to find something that you both agree upon and like to do.

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