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Screwing it all up in front of my colleague


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The important deal was almost done, the only thing that was left was a visit at our last client to discuss a few things and have the contract signed. Me and my colleague Mike were on the commuter train as all company cars were already in use. The client was my contact, I was rather new in my position and a little nervous about the whole thing. We had been working so much on it, but still, there really shouldn´t be a problem when we got this far.

I had always found Mike a little arrogant, and we weren´t friends outside the office, but still he was an ok working partner, and we got along. We were chatting a bit on the train. I had been having a few beers last night and had been trying to hydrate well today, and think I did ok, but kept a big water bottle in the pocket of my jacket. Suddenly Mike pointed at my thigh… Oops, there was a patch there. If I had been a guy it actually would have looked like something more embarrassing than just a leaking water bottle. It still looked a bit weird, so we laughed about it, but I assumed it would have time to dry along the way. I drank what was left of the water so that I could waste the bottle, and didn´t have to carry it with me anymore.

 I guess I had succeeded with the hydrating thing, because I started to feel the need for a bathroom. Still, those train facilities were always nasty, so I decided to hold it. I got a little bit distracted though, and less talkative, but told Mike that I was just focusing on the meeting.

We changed to the city bus, and I started to regret the decision to not go when I had the chance on the train. When the bus went over a bump I pressed my legs tight together and tried to sit still and not make it too obvious how I felt.  The pressure in my bladder was now high and constant, and demanded my concentration. Every now and then there was a desperation wave coming, and I had a hard time breathing normally while focusing on holding it in. I started to worry about that walk to the client. I asked Mike if he thought it would be unprofessional if I would ask to use the bathroom as soon as we got there and he said “No, that´s only human”.

 We got off the bus and started walking, and even if it felt good to be moving, the gravity and the cool air increased my desperation. Now Mike could clearly see it in my face, and I admitted that I really had to go.

“But you´ll make it I hope? I don´t know what other options we have since we´re running out of time”, he said.

 “Yeah, of course” I said, and by then I wasn´t seriously worried. I had been more desperate than this before, and always been able to wait.

 But it soon got worse. Walking away from the busy road by the bus stop and into the calmer suburban streets with the bigger, fancier houses, my bladder felt ready to explode, and I really couldn´t think about anything else than how great it would be to finally release. I even considered squatting behind some bushes, but there really weren´t any suitable spots for that. I said we´d better hurry up, and so we did, but a little too fast, because suddenly I felt something warm between my legs. It took me a moment to realise I had leaked a little bit. The bladder was getting to full to completely take the pressure from the fast walk. I asked Mike to slow down some, and to avoid any more leaks I concentrated on holding every time my feet hit the ground. Every now and then it was like my muscles started to slip a bit, causing a few drops of pee to wet my crotch again. Mike was a little bit ahead of me, so I quickly touched the fabric between my legs with my hand – still dry.

 I started to worry. I was actually leaking. Very little, but I could clearly feel the wetness and it was just a matter of time before those small leaks would soak through my jeans. Thank god, we were almost there, I just had to endure. Mike pointed at the house on the hill in front of us, we would just have to climb some stairs to reach it. He could see my concerns, and to cheer me up he high fived me, “Now let´s go!”  and I smiled back at him, trying not to show too much of my worries as I felt another spasm, that I just barely could resist.

 We had arranged that we would stop and text the clients when we approached. Mike realised he had forgotten to send me a file I needed, so he wanted to do that too, so everything was ready. We stopped just next to the stairs, he picked up his phone. I realised standing still was bad for me, and was just about to ask if we couldn´t move on instead, when it happened.

 My bladder contracted, and I had a severe leak. I squeezed all I could and tried to stop it but it was like my muscles were all numb after their struggle to contain the full bladder during our walk. The stream got stronger instead of slowing down. I just helplessly felt the warm pee starting to pour down my legs and I couldn´t do anything about it.

 “Shit, I can´t hold it” I mumble-whispered.

“Huh?” said Mike, standing next to me looking up from his phone.  

“I piss my pants”, I said with a quiet but panicked voice, and by then it was obvious. It filled my underwear and jeans and soaked right through them, rivers streamed directly from between my legs onto the asphalt, it ran out of my legholes, and it started filling my shoes.

“But what the fuck!” Mike now saw what was going on, and quickly backed away from me, while I just stood there and kept wetting myself, not even trying to stop it anymore, just looking down at my jeans, now dark blue almost all way around. The growing puddle under my feet started to run downhill along the walking path.

 And everything stopped. This just couldn’t happen. I was standing here emptying a full bladder into my pants in front of my colleague. With an appointment that was supposed to be starting just now.

 When I had finished peeing, still dripping slowly from my pants, Mike broke the silence.

“Ok, well this aint working, do you have any spare pants or something?” I shook my head, and he sighed deeply.

“Alright, what do we do then? We should be there in a couple of minutes, but you can´t go in there like that, you realise that right? How the hell could you let this happen? What do we do?” Mike was frustrated and stressed. I was mortified.    

“Call Anthony” I mumbled. “Ask if we can make an exception, and you can sign this on your own” Not that I knew how we could do that, because we had strict rules, but it was my only suggestion.

 Standing there all soaked with my head facing the ground, feeling the wetness around my legs starting to get cold, I listened to the phone call.

“Yeah, I´m sorry but we´re in big trouble here, we can´t go there right now. Is it possible to do something…. Ehm... Well… Annie… kind of had an accident. No, she´s wet herself… No of course i´m not joking, why the hell should I joke about something like that?...No it´s impossible, she can´t do that, I mean, she´s standing in a puddle here totally soaked, wet patches all over her jeans….. can we like…   Ok… Alright “.

For some reason I had taken for granted that he would make up some other excuse, illness or whatever, instead of telling our boss exactly what had happened. To hear him saying it out loud like that made me want to just vanish, erase this moment from my life. I could also hear from his tone that no easy solutions were at hand. He hung up and told me the only thing we could do would be to call the clients to see if we could have it delayed. He asked me to do it.

 I picked up my phone but was just stupidly staring at it. I was all blank in my head and it was like I had lost all abilities to act. Mike sighed deeply again.

“I don’t think this is a task for me but…” he groaned, and made the call. Changing to his most friendly voice, he asked the clients for a delay. But like we already knew they had a busy schedule, and if we wouldn´t be there just this minute they´d move on to another company. This was our only chance. And I´d screwed it. By peeing my pants.

 “Sorry, I just gotta…” Mike turned his back against me and was breathing heavily. He was just as pissed off as my pants were pissed in, and could barely control his emotions.

“I´m so sorry, I don’t know what to say…” I said

“just… be quiet” he said. And we turned around and started walking back.

 It was a walk of shame. The sweater I had taken off to tie around my waist didn´t cover up my accident at all. But right then I didn’t really care about others seeing my wet pants. Some probably did, but all that was rolling in my head was the embarrassing unreal moment I had just experienced, an incident that wasn´t supposed to happen. I wished that I could turn back time, make it undone. Not having to face an office on Monday where everyone knew about this…

 I stumbled into my boyfriends place. He was welcoming me, ready to celebrate my good work and the start of the weekend, and was surprised when I didn´t respond in the same manner. I just shook my head, told him I screwed it up and was ready for a shower, while I peeled my dripping wet socks off my feet in the hallway and left them in my shoes. He didn´t understand at first, and I couldn´t bring myself to say it, but when i came out of the dark hallway he looked down at my pants and saw what had happened.  I told him the whole story. He felt really sorry for me, but we agreed that this would at least turn into a funny story to tell some friends… in ten years or so. Maybe twenty.  

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