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Thank you to all who commented. After mulling over the feedback offered here and elsewhere, I've created revised versions of each of the chapters. As the editing time limit has expired, I've begun posting them in a new thread.

Most of the changes are minor--corrected spelling, improved wording, etc. In later chapters, I did try to emphasize her desperation a bit more--allowing her to struggle before her bladder lets go. That felt more realistic to me. Relatedly, after timing myself walking between different rooms in my home, I realized I needed to increase her holding times to match the distances I say she's traveling.

Chapter 10 contains the biggest change, with a new holding scene added at the beginning that helps set up the narrative arc for that chapter. There are also two final chapters I'll be posting shortly that complete the story.

After that, I'll request the chapter posts in this original thread to be hidden, so as not to confuse people. Again, here's the link to the updated version.

 

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