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How do you tell someone you're a bottom without telling them you're a bottom?


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It was awkward for me to tell my husband (then boyfriend) about kinks at first because he wasn't really into them. When I wet my skirt when we were out on a walk together, he was really concerned for me and not turned on. So I just told him it was my fetish. After that I told him about my other kinks too and he came to enjoy them.

There was a really funny time when he came home from work and I was lying on the couch desperately "prairie dogging" poo, dragging out messing myself as long as I could and moaning in pleasure. He asked me what on earth I was doing and I explained that I was having loads of fun pooing myself. He was really confused, but said he didn't get it but compared to doing drugs for pleasure like some people do he guessed it wasn't so bad. I laughed, and laughing made me poo! So I filled my skirt in front of him and started masturbating. He just thought I was crazy, ha ha. But later on he came and joined me in the shower...

Edited by OmorashiOnna (see edit history)
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Guest CanbeWonders
On 1/22/2021 at 5:25 PM, Lemondelight said:

Use this emoji. 🥺

I'm only half joking with that. It's a common joke that bottoms love to use that emoji. So if you use it, someone may pick up on it.

Came here to say this tbh. Other bottom stereotypes include: 
-other cutesy emojis, such as 😊😳💖💗
-cutesy misspellings/nicknames (doggo, etc)
-intentional bad grammer. (I sleep now)
-uwu
-stuffed animals. Also just an animal lover in general but not "scary" animals like sharks, spiders, etc. 
-enjoys traditionally feminine activities and styles (e.g. cooking and skirts)
-eugumoerlumroeu (keysmashing). 
-pastel colors, and/or traditionally feminine colors like pink and purple.  
-shy/awkward
-doesn't want to pick where to eat or what to do on a date or just generally make decisions
-little spoon 
-long nails (though that might be a lesbian only one) 
-low competence in certain areas (can't drive, clumsy, bad at math, poor athleticism) 
 

On 1/21/2021 at 5:46 PM, silvermoon said:

A bottom what?

Bottom is a term used most commonly among gay men (or bi men, or men of other sexualities in male-male relationships. Traditionally bottom refers to the partner being penetrated during anal sex. (a man who prefers to penetrate being the "top" and someone who likes both being a "vers" (short for versatile) or occasionally "switch" though switch is more often used to refer to a Dom/sub dynamic rather than a top/bottom one. There is generally a stereotype that tops are also dominant, and bottoms are submissive. This is not always the case however, hence the term "power bottom" and the lesser used "service top" to refer to a dominant bottom and submissive top respectively. 

Lesbians (and other wlw) also frequently use the top-bottom dynamic but tend to be more flexible with it. Like, I think technically the bottom in lesbian sex would being pleasured, whereas the top would be doing the pleasuring. E.g. the top would be the partner doing the fingering, or eating out, or wearing the strap-on or whatever. However, in my experience lesbians tend to use the terms to refer to more relationship dynamics than actual sex acts. Something much closer to Dom/sub but less formalized. 

I very rarely hear people in opposite gender relationships use the terms top and bottom, because it's always assumed that the woman is the bottom. Even among kinky people, and even when you have a female Dom, she will still likely be the bottom (by the definition of the penetrated partner). Pegging is generally the only context where the woman would be the top in a male-female relationship, and even then men would usually just say "I'm into being pegged" as opposed to "I am a bottom". 

My personal favorite fact about tops/bottoms is that in Ancient Rome it was considered perfectly acceptable to be a gay man but not acceptable to be a bottom. Thus, it was always expected that if you wanted to sleep with another man that man should be low class or a slave, because a respectable roman man should never be a bottom (the term they actually used is usually translated as passive partner, not bottom). Thus, the bullying of bottoms is one of the oldest institutions of human history. 

Disclaimer: I haven't fact checked any of this. My understanding of top and bottom is just from being a bi woman who has dated women and spent a lot of time in queer spaces. Also this was probably a much longer answer than anyone needed, but explaining tops and bottoms seemed way more fun than doing my homework right now so.... fight me. 

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On 1/25/2021 at 9:32 PM, silvermoon said:

I regret asking.

Don't bother in the future then. 

On 1/25/2021 at 7:54 PM, CanbeWonders said:

Came here to say this tbh. Other bottom stereotypes include: 
-other cutesy emojis, such as 😊😳💖💗
-cutesy misspellings/nicknames (doggo, etc)
-intentional bad grammer. (I sleep now)
-uwu
-stuffed animals. Also just an animal lover in general but not "scary" animals like sharks, spiders, etc. 
-enjoys traditionally feminine activities and styles (e.g. cooking and skirts)
-eugumoerlumroeu (keysmashing). 
-pastel colors, and/or traditionally feminine colors like pink and purple.  
-shy/awkward
-doesn't want to pick where to eat or what to do on a date or just generally make decisions
-little spoon 
-long nails (though that might be a lesbian only one) 
-low competence in certain areas (can't drive, clumsy, bad at math, poor athleticism) 
 

Bottom is a term used most commonly among gay men (or bi men, or men of other sexualities in male-male relationships. Traditionally bottom refers to the partner being penetrated during anal sex. (a man who prefers to penetrate being the "top" and someone who likes both being a "vers" (short for versatile) or occasionally "switch" though switch is more often used to refer to a Dom/sub dynamic rather than a top/bottom one. There is generally a stereotype that tops are also dominant, and bottoms are submissive. This is not always the case however, hence the term "power bottom" and the lesser used "service top" to refer to a dominant bottom and submissive top respectively. 

Lesbians (and other wlw) also frequently use the top-bottom dynamic but tend to be more flexible with it. Like, I think technically the bottom in lesbian sex would being pleasured, whereas the top would be doing the pleasuring. E.g. the top would be the partner doing the fingering, or eating out, or wearing the strap-on or whatever. However, in my experience lesbians tend to use the terms to refer to more relationship dynamics than actual sex acts. Something much closer to Dom/sub but less formalized. 

I very rarely hear people in opposite gender relationships use the terms top and bottom, because it's always assumed that the woman is the bottom. Even among kinky people, and even when you have a female Dom, she will still likely be the bottom (by the definition of the penetrated partner). Pegging is generally the only context where the woman would be the top in a male-female relationship, and even then men would usually just say "I'm into being pegged" as opposed to "I am a bottom". 

My personal favorite fact about tops/bottoms is that in Ancient Rome it was considered perfectly acceptable to be a gay man but not acceptable to be a bottom. Thus, it was always expected that if you wanted to sleep with another man that man should be low class or a slave, because a respectable roman man should never be a bottom (the term they actually used is usually translated as passive partner, not bottom). Thus, the bullying of bottoms is one of the oldest institutions of human history. 

Disclaimer: I haven't fact checked any of this. My understanding of top and bottom is just from being a bi woman who has dated women and spent a lot of time in queer spaces. Also this was probably a much longer answer than anyone needed, but explaining tops and bottoms seemed way more fun than doing my homework right now so.... fight me. 

Loved this, thanks xx

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