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Feelings and stuff


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Can I just cry for a minute? I feel bad and I don't really know how to deal with it.  I'm hoping that venting into the void will help me understand the mess of what is going on inside my head. 

I have been a DL forever. Like a lot of us, things really picked up in high school, when I got a job and a car. I had my stash, and would enjoy it as privacy allowed. I was 100% in the closet, and everything was fine.

Fast forward to now, and enter the love of my life. We'd been dating for 11 months by the time I mustered the courage to tell her about this part of me. I sat us both down on the bed and told her I had something important to share with her. Then I laid it all out. She cried, and I felt like an ass for burdening her with my emotional BS. 

The next night after work she called an old friend of hers (who is a therapist) and asked her opinion. She basically said it's odd, but fine. The whole situation basically ended with "you do you, but I don't want to be involved", which is completely understandable. It's been a month and we haven't spoken of it since.

It sort of came back up today when I met this therapist friend of hers for the first time. She was very nice, but I was basically maxed out on the anxiety-meter the whole time. How could she not just see me as "that diaper guy"? I just felt ashamed, and sick to my stomach as a result.

I'm not used to ANYONE knowing about my "situation", and today I was actually outnumbered by people who do. It kind of put me in a mental/emotional funk, which my girl picked up on. She says I'm beating myself up and that she loves me anyway. Maybe im just having trouble adjusting to being out of the DL closet, but this whole thing just feels like an enormous emotional imposition on her. I feel very bad about that. She deserves everything good in this world, but she got me instead. A 30 year old baby...

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Well, as the void I don't know if I can offer any useful advice, but I'll give it a try.  I have "come out" as you put it to every girlfriend that I've felt serious enough about, because personally I don't want to get too deep into a relationship knowing that I won't be able to express what I consider a very important part of myself.  That being said, different people I've dated have had different reactions, from being pretty weirded out in one case, to another embracing it fully.  So, having experienced both ends of the spectrum, I can offer this - it's about your priorities.  Having dated a woman who was totally into being a DL I can safely say that it's not enough to sustain a relationship.  That aspect alone can't compensate for not having genuine compatibility.  We were together for quite a long time, and I cherish the memories we made, but ultimately we broke up and were unable to reconcile.  There were very large problems between us that ultimately won over the things we shared in common.

Having also dated women who were not really interested in the DL stuff I can also confirm that, from time to time, they were willing to indulge me.  When you care about someone you'll compromise when you can.  Now, these women were also very understanding and weren't totally repulsed, so I was fortunate there.  Of course I waited to get to know them well enough before making that leap.  Even if you're not totally sure how someone will react, you can gauge their reactions to other things to get a pretty good idea... if you're savvy at that sort of thing (I am).  Being sure they won't use the information to hurt you down the line is especially important.  Ultimately, it wasn't enough for me to just be indulged.  I decided to hold out for someone who was really into it.  That's my priority.  It may not be yours.

In your case, since you're already really into this person, and have already bit the bullet and came out to her, I think you're in a somewhat tricky situation.  If your priority is to stay with her and make her happy, then I tell you that you must not let this get you down.  You have to be brave and face the uncertain future together.  She may warm up to the idea in time, or she may not, but if she feels pressured in any way then that can lead to resentment.  Let her take the time she needs to process this stuff and sort her own feelings out.  And if you're too stressed over this she's going to sense it.  People can sense a lot about the mood of another, whether they realize it or not.  That can lead to making hasty decisions, which often doesn't end too well.  If you choose to stay the course then do so with your head held high.  Maybe you're a deviant, but you should still be proud to be yourself.  If she loves you she will accept you for who you are.

The only thing that concerns me is the therapist angle.  You said she contacted her friend to get her opinion on the situation, which is understandable, but I have to ask: did you consent to that?  If she exposed your secrets to anybody, professional or otherwise, without asking you first then that's a major red flag in my opinion.  Honestly, if that happened to me I'd be out.  To me, that would be a massive, unrecoverable breach of trust.  A deal-breaker.  But, again, that's me.

You end your post by saying you're "a 30 year old baby."  You must not think of yourself this way.  You are an adult, with obscure but very real and legitimate interests, but still an adult.  I know that the parlance is to call yourself a "baby", at least if you're into the AB side of things, but that's just for fun.  You must acknowledge your adulthood and lead with that at the forefront, because you're in an adult relationship and maturity is the only thing that's going to carry you through.  At least, that's what I think.  Different women are into all sorts of different things, so maybe I'm way off here.  Ultimately I'm just a weirdo on the internet, and it's up to you if and how you want to use this advice.

In any case, I wish you good luck.

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Here's some things to think about with this:

1) Your girlfriend loves you enough that she isn't freaking out about this. She's trying to understand and determine whether it's an issue or not, so she gets in touch with someone who deals with mental/emotional issues PROFESSIONALLY and asks their opinion of it. This therapist is obviously looking at it objectively when they point out it's different but fine. Your girlfriend accepts that and seems to accept you and all that comes with it. I'd say that's a win.

2) Based on your wording, it sounds as if the therapist made no mention to you or anyone else about your DL side, even when she met you face-to-face. While you may have been anxious about what she thought of you, she was professional enough and a good enough person to not bring up something so private. I would be willing to bet that your DL side it's far from the worst she's heard. As you said, "it's odd, but fine."

While asking her friend who is a therapist about it may be questionable or viewed as a breach of trust by some, others may understand it from a different angle: an attempt to learn about a new subject that they previously had no experience with and an open mind to accept that while it is different, it does not make you someone unworthy of her love.

What I see more of as an issue here is not that your girlfriend accepts this, but instead that you accept it as part of yourself. You're 30 years old--fine. Do you have a steady job, place to live, food on the table? What are you accomplishing in life beyond being a DL? You're concerned with how other people see you, obviously. So, do they see somebody who is kind and caring? The DL side of you is just one small facet of your life (obvious from the fact that you say you enjoyed it as privacy allowed) and not all you are. Yes, you have a different fetish. Is it worse than any others out there (and there are some weird ones, let me tell you)?

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Thank you both for taking the time to make such well thought out and encouraging responses!

We had discussed the possibility of her seeking support and neutral guidance. I told her that I was essentially asking her to come to terms with something that I have wrestled with for years. I felt it would be inhuman for me to ask her to shoulder it alone. She is not kinky at all, so I can imagine it was about as earth shattering for her to hear as it gets. I actually felt a LOT better when she told me that the friend she talked to is actually a therapist in her professional life. When I met her in person, it was like she had never heard anything about it at all. The whole thing was in my head, and in a certain sense I was just forced to confront myself about it.

I've been into diapers as long as I can remember, and I've known about the "community" since I was like 10. I just never thought of how to handle the very real possibility of having to open up to people who are not already into it.

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Everyone is made perfectly and beautifully unique.

 

Owner your uniqueness of liking diapers and no one can hold anything against you. 

 

I told my current girlfriend 1 month into the relationship. Its not a big deal unless you make it into one. The girlfriend doesnt care for diapers but on rare occasion has worn and peed in it. 

I'm sorry that that happened, and I think the therapist should be spanked for her bad behavior 😛 cheer up theres nothing wrong with what you did. and its not the end of the world. 

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