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Desperation as the Elephant in the Room


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This is another thing that I have thought about recently as a result of holding it all day at work with male coworkers, who are less inhibited than I am about peeing on the trees. The question is about addressing desperation as the elephant in the room.

Now I have mentioned in numerous threads have recently I got an outdoor job where it is expected you will go to the bathroom outdoors or otherwise just hold it. I have personally chosen to hold it since I can't squat and I am deeply inhibited about going to the bathroom outdoors. However I work with male coworkers who have no such inhibitions about peeing on the trees regularly several times during the day.

So far they haven't really said anything about the fact that I don't really use the bathroom, except one guy mentioned when we were riding back to base that don't worry it looks like the traffic is light so you will be able to get to the bathroom soon. But other than that it has been the only acknowledgment of the fact that they realized that I have to go to the bathroom pretty badly by the end of the day.

So this is the question that sort of comes up, and it also made me think of the other thread about whether you prefer a woman who mentions that she has to go to the bathroom or who tries to hide it but still obviously needs to go. As I am a very shy and inhibited person I am among the later. When I have to go to the bathroom and I am very obviously desperate but there is no possibility of relieving myself, unless I am with people that I know really well I probably wouldn't say anything. If I was with family or friends I might complain about the lack of a bathroom, but with people I don't know I mostly try to hide it, and even with people I do now I try not to be really obvious about the fact that I am desperate.

However people aren't stupid. You don't have to be a desperation fan to realize the obvious. When you are at a place all day with a woman for six hours and you know for a fact that she hasn't gone to the bathroom, and then you see her looking kind of antsy and occasionally crossing her legs or showing all these other telltale signs of desperation, no matter how much she tries not to, you obviously know what is going on in her bladder.

As I have mentioned aside from that one incident I mentioned in another thread where one of my coworkers left me conversation to go into the woods and relieved himself while I was very clearly desperate, there hasn't really been any direct acknowledgment of the fact that we are working together all day and they are using the woods as a toilet regularly while I am just sort of stoically holding it all day long.

So the question here is when you are around someone who is very obviously desperate like that do you address the elephant in the room and say something about it, or do you just kind of ignore it, whether because you are embarrassed to bring it up, you don't want to embarrass the other person or because it's just too awkward to bring up since you are likely enjoying the situation? I am sure it probably varies based on how familiar you are with the person, whether they know about your interest and stuff of that nature, but I am talking just about a person in general, such as someone that you work with or something like that.

In my case the answer is that if I noticed another person is desperate I will probably just secretly be enjoying that without saying anything. If I was actually with someone who I knew shared this interest I would probably say something to them in private, although so far that hasn't actually happened with me in real life. But in generally if another person has to go to the bathroom I will either say nothing, or if they look really distressed I will ask if something is the matter, which a couple of guys have asked me at work before but I just sort of shrug it off cause I don't want to admit the obvious.

Now when I am the one who is desperate, like I said, unless I was with family and friends who are used to me complaining about needing a bathroom, I probably wouldn't say anything. And for the most part I try not to show obvious desperation, although when you reach a certain point of desperation it's kind of hard not to be antsy and squirmy and crossing your legs and everything like that. In fact I probably spend half the day at work with my legs crossed, and towards the end of the day my leg is clearly shaking. Fortunately I am alone in a van most of the time so I am in private, but when I have to get out and interact with my coworkers it is a little bit harder to hide the fact that I am clearly agitated.

But I have to say it's kind of a very strange feeling, which is sort of another topic that might be a different topic altogether. And I also have to say that by not addressing the elephant in the room that makes the whole situation seem almost comically absurd. Basically I have these coworkers who I know have empty bladders because they have been peeing on the trees all day, and they know that I am bursting because I haven't gone to the bathroom all day, I'm shifting at the legs and they know as soon as we get back to base I am going to bolt for that bathroom. And yet we are all sort of interacting together saying nothing about it but I have to wonder what is going through their heads, because they know that I clearly have to go to the bathroom very very badly. Even if they are not desperation fans they must be thinking, what is with this woman, she clearly clearly has to pee very badly. I am wondering if they think it's just funny or if it's entertaining or what.

I know that personally I just feel really weird about it. I know that my bladder is extremely full and that theirs aren't and I know that I am the only one in the group who is absolutely dying for a piss and yet I sort of carry on as normally as possible. I try not to show obvious signs of desperation and I interact with them, but the entire time I know that in my mind I am thinking, they went to the bathroom, I am still holding it, this really sucks! But again, I just sort of stoically endure it and I sort of smile and nod and don't say anything about the fact that my bladder is about to explode. But again everyone must know what is going on. They are probably not thinking about it as much as I am, but as we are out there in a group they gotta know, hey we are with a woman bursting for a piss!

And I realized that there are plenty of you would absolutely LOVE to be in a situation like this with someone else who is clearly desperate, and I can't blame you cause I'm the same way when others are desperate like that. Again it made me think of that other thread where most people said that they prefer a woman who doesn't say anything about the fact that she is desperate and is trying to hide it but is clearly desperate.

So my question is though for people as if you are with someone who is obviously desperate to go to the bathroom how do you address the issue, or do you not address the issue and just sort of may be privately enjoy the fact that they are trying to conceal it but failing miserably?

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I guess for me, it depends on the person and the other people I'm around. If I knew the person and I was isolated with them, I would probably address it partially out of concern but also because it's a turn on.

If I was with other people, I would just silently hope she can't hold it. 

Tbh working with you in this situation would be difficult for me as I would be trying to see you desperate and maybe not make it to the bathroom, but also not make it obvious that I was into it lol

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"I guess for me, it depends on the person and the other people I'm around. If I knew the person and I was isolated with them, I would probably address it partially out of concern but also because it's a turn on.
If I was with other people, I would just silently hope she can't hold it.
Tbh working with you in this situation would be difficult for me as I would be trying to see you desperate and maybe not make it to the bathroom, but also not make it obvious that I was into it lol"

I appreciate an honest answer like that! Believe me it would be a cold day in hell before I didn't make it to the bathroom as I would sooner suffer bladder and kidney damage before that happened. In fact the honesty about you and so many other guys in regards to female desperation has made me think of in another thread that is something I have thought about for a long time that I think deserves a thread of its own.


But again you realize the awkwardness of the situation and I think it probably would be quite difficult working with you in a situation like that. Once again I couldn't really fault you for enjoying my predicament, however terrible and excruciating it is because, situation reversed I would totally enjoy seeing another woman in a situation like that. But it would still aggravate the hell out of me that you could go to the bathroom while I was still trying to hold it, and I don't know if it would be better or worse if you addressed the elephant in the room. Like I said I don't like being confronted on things, and having everybody actively talking about the fact that I clearly have to go to the bathroom would make the whole situation even more awkward and embarrassing because then all the focus is on me and my bladder, and once people have mentioned it it's kind of hard for everybody to ignore the fact that I am desperate.


In fact I think that one of my coworkers might actually be into it which is what made things more awkward and if you want to hear about that you should check out my other thread about the incident at work, which is kind of what inspired this thread I suppose. 

 

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50 minutes ago, DesperateJill said:

"I guess for me, it depends on the person and the other people I'm around. If I knew the person and I was isolated with them, I would probably address it partially out of concern but also because it's a turn on.
If I was with other people, I would just silently hope she can't hold it.
Tbh working with you in this situation would be difficult for me as I would be trying to see you desperate and maybe not make it to the bathroom, but also not make it obvious that I was into it lol"

I appreciate an honest answer like that! Believe me it would be a cold day in hell before I didn't make it to the bathroom as I would sooner suffer bladder and kidney damage before that happened. In fact the honesty about you and so many other guys in regards to female desperation has made me think of in another thread that is something I have thought about for a long time that I think deserves a thread of its own.


But again you realize the awkwardness of the situation and I think it probably would be quite difficult working with you in a situation like that. Once again I couldn't really fault you for enjoying my predicament, however terrible and excruciating it is because, situation reversed I would totally enjoy seeing another woman in a situation like that. But it would still aggravate the hell out of me that you could go to the bathroom while I was still trying to hold it, and I don't know if it would be better or worse if you addressed the elephant in the room. Like I said I don't like being confronted on things, and having everybody actively talking about the fact that I clearly have to go to the bathroom would make the whole situation even more awkward and embarrassing because then all the focus is on me and my bladder, and once people have mentioned it it's kind of hard for everybody to ignore the fact that I am desperate.


In fact I think that one of my coworkers might actually be into it which is what made things more awkward and if you want to hear about that you should check out my other thread about the incident at work, which is kind of what inspired this thread I suppose. 

I didn't read the entire thing, but having read a majority of it, it sounds like he might have the fetish, but he definitely has a lack of respect for women, which is shitty. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  

 

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"I didn't read the entire thing, but having read a majority of it, it sounds like he might have the fetish, but he definitely has a lack of respect for women, which is shitty. I'm sorry you have to deal with that."

I don't know if he has a lack of respect for women in general but what he did was kind of a Shitty thing. But again if he does have the fetish I feel like I would be a hypocrite for condemning him for it. Nothing happened when I saw him again yesterday so maybe he really did just need to pee and was just being kind of rude about it.

But the whole topic of male fans of female desperation versus female fans of desperation is another huge topic that deserves its own thread but I will probably wait until tomorrow to do that, because that is going to be a really long topic I have a lot to say about and I will probably post it in my blog as well.

If he does have a fetish for seeing women desperate then I guess that is going to make him a recipient of what I say is a free show, a guy who gets to see women wiggle and squirm without having to experience desperation himself. But as I have said I am nonconfrontational about it, so if he does have a desperation fetish, well lucky him and too bad for me I suppose. I sort of sympathize if he does have such a fetish, but I would rather just keep quiet about it rather than address things directly.

"Get yourself a female urination device."

I have to admit that it is seriously tempting but at the same time I wouldn't want to carry one of those around, because that would be kind of awkward and embarrassing in and of itself. Also I would probably have to buy them online and I wouldn't want the package to arrive and anyone seeing what I had purchased!

I really do have a lot of inhibitions about peeing outdoors, which again goes back to the double standard that I mentioned in another thread. It was really strictly driven into me as a child that girls don't pee outside and I guess that it's very hard to overcome your childhood programming. I feel even using a funnel I'd get pee shy in that situation.

"Either that or try using the finger assist method."

I actually remember when I first started exploring all of this stuff online there used to be a really great website called restrooms.org which showed women how to pee standing up and they had all of these diagrams of different female genitals and which ones were better and which ones were worse for it, and I remember that my genital configuration was the least ideal for peeing without getting pee all over yourself, figures! I almost had to laugh at that because it shows that the universe has a sense of humor.

I have actually tried it a couple of times in the shower and everything but it's kind of hard to do that without getting pee on your fingers.

I think that honestly for better or worse I'm just stuck holding it for now so I guess I just put up with it for another couple of weeks. But again it does raise interesting issues about addressing desperation in general which is what I was focusing on in this thread.

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This is an interesting topic and plays very close to my own experiences. The bottom line for me is that if I'm with a desperate woman, I don't want to encourage her to hold it. I want her to go: partly because I'm chivalrous, partly because I don't want her to see I'm turned on, and partly because I want to catch a glimpse of her peeing, or even just the sound.

If there are other people around as well, that's nightmare central for me. I don't want to draw too much attention to the matter, I don't want them to see I'm aroused, and I wouldn't be able to watch her pee without it being obvious. This is possibly even worse if I'm with someone who knows I'm into desperation and has accidentally - for whatever reason - become desperate.

If it's just the two of us, I will gently cajole her to pee for all the reasons above. If she's not pee-shy, then hopefully I get a good free show. However, the whole situation is particularly tantalising if she isn't an accomplished outdoor pee-er like Jill. Would I be able to persuade her to go? Would she be able to overcome the taboo? It is all fraught with possibilities, none of which are particularly bad. Not particularly bad FOR ME, that is; I fully acknowledge that I could come out of it with the affection and trust of the lady concerned, or it could all go pear-shaped between us. I have been there in the past with an ex-colleague and blurted out the wrong things, which made me feel somewhat guilty, so perhaps a part of my sub-conscious would like to make amends for that.

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If I worked whit you I would have probably asked at some point in the beginning if something is the matter, if I don't know somebody super well I often ask that instead of "you look like you are about to piss yourself." or "Do you have to pee" 
You say you have to pee this badly every day so I would say it is more of a part of the day now, even if I whit my fetish would have been very interested about it and have a hard time concentrating on my job. I don't care for wetting I prefer when they don't happen so I would be worried for you and might have commented once or twice about it ask why you don't just go and all that. Your workmates are used to this by now so I think that is why they don't take it up everyday, they know you don't go outside and let you live whit the consequences. 

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"If it's just the two of us, I will gently cajole her to pee for all the reasons above. If she's not pee-shy, then hopefully I get a good free show. However, the whole situation is particularly tantalising if she isn't an accomplished outdoor pee-er like Jill. Would I be able to persuade her to go? Would she be able to overcome the taboo? It is all fraught with possibilities, none of which are particularly bad. Not particularly bad FOR ME, that is; I fully acknowledge that I could come out of it with the affection and trust of the lady concerned, or it could all go pear-shaped between us. I have been there in the past with an ex-colleague and blurted out the wrong things, which made me feel somewhat guilty, so perhaps a part of my sub-conscious would like to make amends for that. "

As long as you aren't crazy about it I would probably be really open to talking about it and might even joke about it even though I would still find the situation ragingly frustrating beyond words. It would feel weird being with a guy knowing that he was enjoying my desperation but again at the same time I wouldn't be angry about it even if I would be very frustrated.

"If I worked whit you I would have probably asked at some point in the beginning if something is the matter, if I don't know somebody super well I often ask that instead of "you look like you are about to piss yourself." or "Do you have to pee" 
You say you have to pee this badly every day so I would say it is more of a part of the day now, even if I whit my fetish would have been very interested about it and have a hard time concentrating on my job. I don't care for wetting I prefer when they don't happen so I would be worried for you and might have commented once or twice about it ask why you don't just go and all that. Your workmates are used to this by now so I think that is why they don't take it up everyday, they know you don't go outside and let you live whit the consequences. "

I really wish that I had a female coworker as I would probably be more interested in opening up to her about it and discussing the mutual difficulties of us not being able to go to the bathroom. However if you were able to pee outside or pop a squat that would probably be just even more frustrating than everything.

But it is true when you see someone desperate all the time you gradually get used to seeing them like that and I think it becomes normalized really quickly. The thing that I find really weird is how quickly I have gotten used to this extraordinarily uncomfortable and frustrating situation and yet I just kind of go along with it. I complain a lot on the Internet about it but with my coworkers I stay quiet and pleasant and just sort of put up with the situation.

Believe me though I have plenty of trouble concentrating with my own bladder full so if I saw someone else with a bladder full it would probably make it even more distracting but at least it would be less frustrating because we would both be stuck in the same situation.

"

18 hours ago, mikev said:

I have to confess Jill that I would just keep quiet and enjoy the show.

Sorry to say, but I would most likely have the same reaction."

I feel there's nothing to apologize for as these are very honest answers and is probably what I would do in your circumstances. But if you are interested in this I wrote a really really long updating my blog on the topic of men versus women enjoying female desperation and the differences and I posted about it here in a separate thread.

 

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As long as you aren't crazy about it I would probably be really open to talking about it and might even joke about it even though I would still find the situation ragingly frustrating beyond words. It would feel weird being with a guy knowing that he was enjoying my desperation but again at the same time I wouldn't be angry about it even if I would be very frustrated.

Ha! Define 'not crazy'. I would be pretty obsessed. It's hard not to be when a woman lets me know she needs to pee. I can imagine it would be a bit weird given that you're not attracted to men. Trying to put myself in your shoes - would I let a gay male friend watch me pee if he asked? Yeah, sure I would, I think. I'm not sort of exhibitionist and don't get any kicks out of being desperate myself (like you), but it's nice to form a special bond with someone.

I think your comparisons between male desperation devotees and female ones is interesting and probably right. For women, a lot of the taboo is shorn away. They've been in women's bathrooms, they know how their own plumbing works. It's only natural that they would want to push things a little bit further. For me, there's still a lot of childlike fascination in watching women pee: the social taboos, the privacy, the difficulty of getting the right angle of squat, and that's where a lot of it comes from. I would also feel very uncomfortable if I was with a woman who was also uncomfortable, and would want to do anything to help.

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On 8/9/2020 at 4:19 PM, Bulge_Lover said:

Dude seriously, just get a device. Humans pee. Literally nobody cares. And delivery boxes don't have "PISS FUNNEL" stamped on them. 

“Despatched under plain cover”, as they used to say in those mail order ads for embarrassing products in the old days. 

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"Ha! Define 'not crazy'. I would be pretty obsessed. It's hard not to be when a woman lets me know she needs to pee. I can imagine it would be a bit weird given that you're not attracted to men. Trying to put myself in your shoes - would I let a gay male friend watch me pee if he asked? Yeah, sure I would, I think. I'm not sort of exhibitionist and don't get any kicks out of being desperate myself (like you), but it's nice to form a special bond with someone."

Sorry that was a speech recognition error and I was in a rush to post that before going to sleep so I didn't read it over for errors before I posted. I meant to say as long as you are not creepy about it. I don't mind if somebody is crazy because I am the craziest of all, I've been in institutions!

Again just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean that I find men being attracted to me necessarily creepy or anything like that and I have to know that heterosexual men are going to be more attracted to a desperate woman than any other group, so I just have to accept that if someone catches me desperate the most likely person to enjoy it would be a heterosexual man.

But like I said as long as the guy is not being creepy about it I would be open to talking about the fact that I had to go to the bathroom and everything like that but it would still be kind of awkward and embarrassing and a tense situation knowing that you knew that I had to pee and that you could pee in a situation where I couldn't. There's just something really awkward about having a full bladder and being with a member of the opposite sex who is in a more advantageous position when it comes to relieving himself. Like I said in my big blog post I would never criticize men for enjoying a desperate woman suffering from full bladder pain because I like that as well, but as the woman who actually experiences that full bladder pain you have sort of a different experience of it and attitude towards it as a result.

"I think your comparisons between male desperation devotees and female ones is interesting and probably right. For women, a lot of the taboo is shorn away. They've been in women's bathrooms, they know how their own plumbing works. It's only natural that they would want to push things a little bit further. For me, there's still a lot of childlike fascination in watching women pee: the social taboos, the privacy, the difficulty of getting the right angle of squat, and that's where a lot of it comes from. I would also feel very uncomfortable if I was with a woman who was also uncomfortable, and would want to do anything to help."

I forgot to say that in my big essay and everything like that but I do think that there is some truth to the idea that women are harder on other women. And I think that men are easier on women because at least a heterosexual ones anyway are somewhat sexually attracted to them so they don't want to alienate the woman so might be more helpful towards them. But at the same time as you want to help her you are probably also enjoying the fact that she is desperate, am I right?

“Despatched under plain cover”, as they used to say in those mail order ads for embarrassing products in the old days."

I think it would be more just embarrassing to carry one of those things around with me in my purse and then go off into the woods and the guys know what I might be doing. I have to admit that I am kind of inhibited about peeing in a way that exposes myself so I do have a lot of inhibitions. I would also feel kind of weird using one of those but I have to admit it is tempting to get one of those as my job is causing me great amounts of bladder pain!

"Actually, I think you'll find some of us do care. A lot. Enough to make a forum account about it."

This is true a lot of people do care about what other people think about them in regards to peeing and a lot of us do have some rather strong inhibitions. I have to admit despite the fact that I am open about bodily functions when it comes to my own I am much more shy and reserved, I mean off of these forums anyway!

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"Honestly, I would not say anything and enjoy the show.
Sometimes to make them hold longer, I'll just talk to them so they won't go to the bathroom."

Wonder how many people who do this are actually secretly in to desperation as I have definitely been chatted up while I was trying to get away to go to a bathroom and that's actually what my coworkers were doing to me the other day, which makes me think that they were secretly just trying to aggravate me!

And then there was one time when we went to this family reunion and there was like a three-hour drive to the place, so by the time I got there I had to go to the bathroom but of course everybody wants to take pictures outside of the place and all this other stuff and then I am eager to get to the bathroom, but my cousin sort of bolts off and she gets me stuck talking to one of our relatives who really chats me up while I am just like shut up so we can get to the bathroom already, but of course I didn't say that! You don't want to be rude but...

 

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