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Stormster here to work on my deep shame and embrace this part of me


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Honestly, I can hardly believe I am writing this. Here's to a 26 years old female pee/diaper lover learning to embrace her kink.

I've been into peeing ever since I can remember. I started exploring it sexually at 14/15 years old. Before I did experiment with it, but never really sexually.

For most of my life, I explored my interests anonymously and behind closed doors. At one point I created an account at peesearch.net, but only to access the stories, not to share about my fetish or interact with others.

I don't know how he brought it out of me, but at one point I was able to share with a guy I was seeing that I am into pee. He was very accepting, at which point I overshared how I had experimented, which led to him uttering feelings of rejection towards that behaviour. I felt hurt in my core and so ashamed, completely rejecting myself. We still were able to talk about it, luckily, I just learned how vague "pee" is. When I said "I'm into pee" I thought he understood it all, haha. All in all, it was very freeing to be able discuss it with someone.

I went on a path of combatting my shame by sharing with more people that I liked pee. Always close friends, not always people who I was intimate with. I met my current boyfriend, and he was very accepting as well, even willing to participate to some extent.

Recently, I've started to resent the fact that some of my friends know. I felt that deep deep shame again, and I've not been able to talk about it as openly with my boyfriend.

This brings me to the reason of why I'm here. Instead of just guiltily enjoying my fetish during masturbation, I want to work on really embracing myself and this part of me. After 10+ years of lurking, I want to interact with others here as well, instead of only consuming porn stories. To integrate the fetish more as a part of me.

This elaborate introduction was a first step. Thank you for making it to the end. If you could, I would love to hear more about your journeys to embracing (links to posts or in the comments here).

Love, Stormster

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The journey to self-acceptance can be a long and difficult one if you find that you are into things that are out of the ordinary.  I'm sure most people here can attest to this.  I personally had a hard time coming to accept this side of myself as well, but it did eventually happen.  It can be lonely as it's still a very niche thing, but at least I don't have any self-doubt where that is concerned.  The focus now is only on meeting the right people to express myself with.

I wish you the best of luck.  Remember, your feelings have value all on their own.  Few people are going to understand, but they are out there.

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hey Adrian and Dynamic, thank both of you for your kind comments.

Dynamic, how were you able to finally come to accepting this side of yourself? I am very happy to hear that you have no self-doubt anymore regarding this thing, and have found a nice place here to connect with others for it to maybe be less lonely.

I noticed yesterday after some play that I felt like a truly unworthy member of society when going outside for groceries after. It is really hard for me to consolidate the bright, extraverted, successful person and the person who is into pee in all sorts of ways. It was the first time I actually "caught" these feelings though, I used to really push them away. It's progress I guess 🙂

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Also new here.
I was interested in holding and desperation before I even knew I WAS into it.
Began to find content online about a decade ago and realized it wasn't just me who had such an interest, there was even a rather extensive Wikipedia page for omo!. Even at that I have started to accept it more recently (hence the account here) but still haven't brought it up with anyone in real life.
I will explore it more fully here at least before I take it any further but from my brief time here and a longer time lurking it seems like a kind, open and accepting community!

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Guest tortoise

Hi, welcome, and well wishes. I know how you feel. Having struggled to accept this was a part of me since around the age of eleven and sub consciously deciding I was some sort of freak - it’s really hard to jump over the shame/taboo of it. I treated it worse than my coming out!

But being here helps, with like minded people. And in my experience the people I HAVE spoken to about this have been entirely nonplussed. I’ve almost come to expect a disgusted reaction that it’s nearly disappointing when I get a, ‘aw, is that it?’

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I used to feel ashamed of it too and think I was the only one. Then I found sites like this full of people also into omo, and in some cases who also love wetting themselves. Also finding out my fetish had a name and wasn't unheard of. Reading a lot of the stuff on these sites I felt at home, and soon got some reassurance that I'm not a bad person for having these fetishes or fantasies about them.

It still took me a bit even after I joined this site to admit I love wetting for fun, as I'm really shy about this stuff in real life.

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Guest neilscotland
4 hours ago, The Dark Wolf said:

I used to feel ashamed of it too and think I was the only one. Then I found sites like this full of people also into omo, and in some cases who also love wetting themselves. Also finding out my fetish had a name and wasn't unheard of. Reading a lot of the stuff on these sites I felt at home, and soon got some reassurance that I'm not a bad person for having these fetishes or fantasies about them.

It still took me a bit even after I joined this site to admit I love wetting for fun, as I'm really shy about this stuff in real life.

I'm so glad you said that, Dark Wolf.  I feel the same and you have said it so well.

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On 7/22/2020 at 1:03 AM, Stormster said:

Dynamic, how were you able to finally come to accepting this side of yourself? I am very happy to hear that you have no self-doubt anymore regarding this thing,

It wasn't easy, and it didn't come quickly.  It took me probably 15 years to fully accept this side of myself and completely integrate it into the rest of my life.  I hope it doesn't take you so long.

What it came down to for me was accepting that my interest in this stuff is part of me, and it's not going to go anywhere.  When I felt really bad about myself there were times when I thought I was never going to indulge in omo ever again, but unfailingly, after some time, the desires would always return.  Over time I learned to expect this phenomenon, knowing that after indulging I would feel crummy for a while, but eventually things would normalize and I'd start to want the same things again.  That was extremely valuable experience.  When I felt bad, it allowed me to tell myself those feelings were only temporary, and the desires I had before would come again.  Rinse and repeat this a few dozen times, and eventually the feelings of guilt and shame started to diminish, and eventually pretty much disappeared altogether.  There are still times when I go a bit too far and have some regret, but it is in no way as bad as when I used to feel that ugly, sickly feeling of shame and uselessness.  I simply don't feel that anymore.  I know who I am, and I'm okay with being that person.  We can't choose our desires; we can only pursue them in ways that don't harm others or ourselves.  As long as you aren't hurting anybody, then there's no need to feel shame.

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and have found a nice place here to connect with others for it to maybe be less lonely.

Yeah, this part hasn't happened.  I mean, this is a nice and welcoming community and I very much appreciate that it's here, but I haven't been able to connect with anybody really.  This is neither here nor there, but in the spirit of honesty and openness I didn't want to just ignore that part of your reply.  I sincerely hope you find more success in that area than I have.

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Guest Amaya

Oh my gosh I absolutely feel you. I’m here for the same reason too actually. I admire others who have the courage to be open and embrace this part of them. The first test was accepting what we cannot change even when we want to. The hardest part is still accepting that part and embracing it without caving into societal opinions without shame. Good luck, for real.

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On 7/24/2020 at 7:10 PM, Dynamic said:

Over time I learned to expect this phenomenon, knowing that after indulging I would feel crummy for a while, but eventually things would normalize and I'd start to want the same things again. 

This sounds verrrryyy familiar... Except for the part of expecting these feelings. But the alternating between indulging and resenting. I didn't really realise before that happens everytime, but it truly does. Last time it happened I was able to look at myself in the mirror and say "it's okay, this is a part of me, as are these feelings of shame, it's okay". It was a cool first step. But yeah, thanks for putting it into words.

Thank you for sharing so openly and also for clarifying in the final part of your reply how connected you feel here. Good to keep it in mind as well for myself.

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As I was growing up, I found out that peeing and wetting fascinated me, long before I ever hit puberty, or understood what sex was all about. I loved wetting myself, and I loved seeing it when other would wet themselves. But I hated the way other kids would pick on anyone who had an accident, and I would always try to stand up for whoever that was against the crowd.

Then puberty hit, and I started to discover myself. I reached a point where I would end up wetting myself any time that I masturbated. It got to where I just couldn't not wet when masturbating. I just had to do it, it felt soooo goooood. Then immediately after, I would be so embarrased, and wonder why I did that. That is, until next time, when I could'nt resist doing it again. I started to wonder what was wrong with me, and why did I do that? It took awhile, but I finally came to the conclusion that, there is in fact nothing wrong with me. I'm perfectly normal, and this is just something that I like. I still love to masturbate, and I still love to wet myself. Sometimes I do both together, and sometimes I can just enjoy one or the other. One thing about wetting, I can do it much more often than I can masturbate. I can also enjoy a nice wetting, and still be ready for sex, or wet sex later.

I really wish that the shame was less of a part of wetting, and that there was a place in society where we wetters could just be who we are with less of society's reations. It seems like other, more abusive kinks are easier accetped than someone wetting their pants. But like it or not, everyone pees, and most everyone has had the occasional accident, whether they admit it or not. I choose to enjoy it, and I love that there is a place where I can have some wetting friends.

So my message to you is, this. Wetting, no matter how you choose to do it is harmeless. We aren't hurting anyone. If you choose to enjoy wetting yourself, then go for it, and enjoy it. I know I do.

And in case you are wondering, DWP stands for "Dripping Wet Pants"

DWP

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Welcome to the site! I just commented this on another post about feeling ashamed, but I'll paste it here too:

I always felt ashamed about enjoying omorashi so much, always kept it a secret and felt really bad about myself when I finished pleasuring myself after a wetting. However since I joined this site I learned to embrace it and accept it as the harmless, fun fetish it is! I'm still not open about having it to people I know, but I accept it as mine and that has made me enjoy it even more.

I've never shared the fact that I enjoy it with anyone, although I did have a pee experience while drunk with a girl that I always suspected she might be into omorashi, but we never talked about it explicitly (I think she was as ashamed as I was)

Link to story about that experience:
https://www.omorashi.org/topic/57213-my-first-time-enjoying-my-fetish-with-someone/

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