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Separated from my wife because of my fetish


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Hi, I am 35 years old. I’ve been into desperation since as long as i can remember. The problem is i shared this with absolutely NO One out of embarrassment, not even my wife of 12 years..She’s always felt that something was a bit odd with me and she thought I wasn’t that interested in her anymore which isn’t true but I really dreaded sharing with her my lifelong fantasies. This has strained our relationship so much that we are now separated.

I am not really sure why I’m sharing this here but i guess I wanted to spell everything out to a community who shares the same interest.

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I have to say that I kind of agree with what @Skirt Accident and @Bulge_Lover have said.  For a long term relationship to really be healthy and successful, it has to be based on openness and honesty.  You chose to lock away a part of yourself from your wife, to close that part of you off and not let her in.  Regardless if that part of you is a kink, or something else, that isn't going to be a good thing for a relationship.

I kind of think you owe it to her to be honest about this.  Right now it sounds like she is thinking that you probably just aren't that into her anymore, or don't care for her as much as you used to.  This has to be incredibly difficult for her, not knowing the real reason for your distance.  She may very well be thinking that there is something wrong with her that made you stop caring.

This kind of open communication can be incredibly difficult.  I know this personally, communicating with my girlfriend when it comes to sex has always been something I have struggled with.  It isn't something I have been able to fix on my own either.  I have needed to go see a counsellor, along with with my girlfriend, in order to figure out why such communication is so hard for me and how to change that.  This is something I think that you should strongly consider as well.

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On 3/1/2020 at 4:36 AM, TVGuy said:

For a long term relationship to really be healthy and successful, it has to be based on openness and honesty. 

I tend to disagree with that. I have never told my long term partner, and it isn't a question of honest because she has never asked me if I was OMO - indeed I doubt if she knows the term. There are always things couples do not tell each other, but if you have something you don't want to say, don't show it, or hint at it, or discuss it in any way!

David

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My wife of 40 years had a very bad response to my interest in wetting when I told her about it in 1987.  She actually wet her pants a couple of times to placate me and DID NOT Enjoy it.  At all.  Couldn't wait to get out of the wet clothes!! 

And our already few and far between frequency of sex and intimacy plummeted.  Once we had procreated, anything sexual was off limits.  So I started looking elsewhere and discovered that other women did enjoy my company and intimacy.  I have hinted about peeing with sex over the years, and have brought it up a couple of times with my current GF (9 years and counting!).  Nothing yet and I am very reluctant to push it.  

 

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