soo-pis-sed 646 Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 A person here has recently posted his successful coming out story. Personally, I've been pondering over the possibility of coming out to my vanilla BF for a few months (since I'm here), bringing up the topic now and then, and trying to think of a perfect opportunity to do it. Finally, I came to a decision: I won't do it. Not because I actually believe it can ruin our relationship; it's just pointless. Follow my thought: 1. No matter how much I hinted that a full bladder can feel nice, he's adamant: for him it's just a source of discomfort that should be eliminated ASAP. (Maybe it's because he fills up pretty quickly.) So, holding contests, as well as controlling him, are out of question. 2. I could ask him to control me, but it wouldn't be fun for him at all. There's no way I can explain to him that he still can do certain things to me, even if he wouldn't enjoy them in my role. 3. I could tell him just to be able to keep doing what I do, only openly, but, honestly, I've sort of got used to hiding it from him. I don't really mind it. Thus, nothing will change for me, so it's not worth The Talk. Well, these are my thoughts at the moment. Maybe I'll change my mind someday though. Despguy123 1 Quote Link to comment
JensH2 602 Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 1 hour ago, soo-pis-sed said: 2. I could ask him to control me, but it wouldn't be fun for him at all. There's no way I can explain to him that he still can do certain things to me, even if he wouldn't enjoy them in my role. Why do you think that he won't do "things" for you despite not being into it himself? If he knew that you liked it, why wouldn't he give you some pleasure? Unless he thinks it's disgusting he might benefit from it too - getting you all horny with some pee play. I respect your decision of course - but if you're really convinced you've got nothing to lose, why not give it a shot? kochel428 1 Quote Link to comment
soo-pis-sed 646 Posted November 17, 2019 Author Share Posted November 17, 2019 4 hours ago, JensH2 said: Why do you think that he won't do "things" for you despite not being into it himself? If he knew that you liked it, why wouldn't he give you some pleasure? Unless he thinks it's disgusting he might benefit from it too - getting you all horny with some pee play. I respect your decision of course - but if you're really convinced you've got nothing to lose, why not give it a shot? I didn't say I've got nothing to lose 🙂 "Won't ruin our relationship" doesn't mean "won't make things complicated". I don't think he'll be like "WTF I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU", but he won't be too happy to find out that I'm having a second sexual life he has nothing to do with either. I can't read minds... but judging by what I've learned through these years I'd say he would only agree to stuff that would be mutually pleasant. 4 hours ago, JensH2 said: Why do you think that he won't do "things" for you despite not being into it himself? If he knew that you liked it, why wouldn't he give you some pleasure? Unless he thinks it's disgusting he might benefit from it too - getting you all horny with some pee play. I respect your decision of course - but if you're really convinced you've got nothing to lose, why not give it a shot? I didn't say I've got nothing to lose 🙂 "Won't ruin our relationship" doesn't mean "won't make things complicated". I don't think he'll be like "WTF I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU", but he won't be too happy to find out that I'm having a second sexual life he has nothing to do with either. I can't read minds... but judging by what I've learned through these years I'd say he would only agree to stuff that would be mutually pleasant. Quote Link to comment
soo-pis-sed 646 Posted November 17, 2019 Author Share Posted November 17, 2019 Sorry, I don't know why it was posted twice. What I said above wasn't quite right. I know I actually can involve him into doing things he doesn't like, but in such a case I wouldn't feel anything but guilt for forcing him. Quote Link to comment
Guest fluidfox Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 Just now, soo-pis-sed said: Sorry, I don't know why it was posted twice. What I said above wasn't quite right. I know I actually can involve him into doing things he doesn't like, but in such a case I wouldn't feel anything but guilt for forcing him. Yeah I get what you are saying, and personally I think if your partner isn't into it then is it even sexy to involve them in the first place? If I know someone isn't being turned on in the slightest then it just flips my off switch and I can't get into it either. I know some people can turn a blind eye as long as they are having a good time but that just isn't in my nature and it sounds like maybe it's not in yours either. I'm sure there are a great many things you can do and enjoy with your partner but perhaps 'pee stuff' won't be among them. That doesn't have to take anything away from the relationship though. It's just one aspect of sex, which is one aspect of your whole relationship. Quote Link to comment
JensH2 602 Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 1 hour ago, soo-pis-sed said: I know I actually can involve him into doing things he doesn't like, but in such a case I wouldn't feel anything but guilt for forcing him. 56 minutes ago, fluidfox said: I know some people can turn a blind eye as long as they are having a good time but that just isn't in my nature and it sounds like maybe it's not in yours either. Just to be clear: I did not mean forcing anyone and I surely don't turn a blind eye when it comes my partner's feelings. I just think it's okay to ask my partner to experiment with me and I don't have a problem if we're doing each other a sexual favor from time to time even if one of us is not into it. And of course if my partner says "no" to one of my interests, we can still have a great relationship and a good sex life - no doubt about that. 🙂 Quote Link to comment
soo-pis-sed 646 Posted November 17, 2019 Author Share Posted November 17, 2019 9 minutes ago, JensH2 said: Just to be clear: I did not mean forcing anyone and I surely don't turn a blind eye when it comes my partner's feelings. I just think it's okay to ask my partner to experiment with me and I don't have a problem if we're doing each other a sexual favor from time to time even if one of us is not into it. And of course if my partner says "no" to one of my interests, we can still have a great relationship and a good sex life - no doubt about that. 🙂 I didn't even think you meant forcing, and I believe it's okay to just ask; but now that I'm pretty sure he's not into it, I know it won't be willingly even if he says "ok fine I'll do that for you" 🤷 Quote Link to comment
zen 102 Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 Hi, I’m that guy who came out a few days ago. I guess this is an update but also going to try and use what’s happened so far as anecdotal advice of sorts. So we didn’t really talk about it much until today. We’ve had sex a few times since I told her, but it was just the normal routine. I did notice I was a lot more into it, and I have to attribute that to having told her about the omo. Her knowing about it... I just don’t feel guilty about having the thoughts and interest in it now. It’s huge to not have to repress that - I didn’t realize how much it was getting in the way of just having normal sex, even if it wasn’t a focus. So anyways, before we had sex today, she asked me what she could do to turn me on more. I straight up told her, with no hesitation, if she could make her panties wet with pee, it would drive me crazy. She tried and couldn’t do it, but again, the freedom to talk about an innate sexual desire is so liberating and just her trying was enough to make me crazy. Later on in the day, she went to the bathroom, and came out with a pee spot in her underwear, and all she said was “oops.” I didn’t push this on her, and it wasn’t even on my mind - but god damn, that was so freaking awesome, and I never would have anticipated this having known her personality for so long. Why am I saying all of this? Well, she was a “vanilla” gf as well. We had normal sex and she never displayed a desire for omo. She still doesn’t, but she’s been willing to venture out of her comfort zone because I think I showed her such a vulnerable side of myself. As you could tell the other night, I was expecting this to end our relationship, and I never imagined it would strengthen our relationship, but here we are. It was easily one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, as I had come to view this fetish as an irredeemable part of myself, but its really, well, not that big of a deal? Omo isn’t a destructive fetish imo, and I don’t think it will ever come to dominate our lives or anything. I thought hiding it was just a normal part of my life as well, until I found myself constantly drawn to it and always feeling like I was betraying my gf by not telling her. I think your bf will at the very least appreciate the vulnerability in coming out with it, and maybe he won’t be into it, but maybe he’ll try if it makes you happy. If he hates it, he hates it, and you go from there on what that means for your relationship. If he’s into it or at least doesn’t mind it, and he sees how much it does to you, then that’s another conversation to have. One step at a time, but the first step is the most important. hubertheiser and soo-pis-sed 2 Quote Link to comment
Guest fluidfox Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 1 hour ago, zen said: As you could tell the other night, I was expecting this to end our relationship, and I never imagined it would strengthen our relationship, but here we are. Hey I'm really pleased for you. It must have been a big step to actually sit down and have that discussion when you knew how much was at stake. Total credit to your gf as well for taking it in her stride and being willing to try new things for you. I think you've got a keeper there buddy 🙂 13 hours ago, JensH2 said: Just to be clear: I did not mean forcing anyone and I surely don't turn a blind eye when it comes my partner's feelings. I just think it's okay to ask my partner to experiment with me and I don't have a problem if we're doing each other a sexual favor from time to time even if one of us is not into it. And of course if my partner says "no" to one of my interests, we can still have a great relationship and a good sex life - no doubt about that. 🙂 I didn't think that's what you meant either. Sorry if you thought I was referencing your comments before, that wasn't my intention at all 🙂 Quote Link to comment
Guest Closed_Account Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 I can't speak for your bf, but if I found out my girl was into some weird things I'd be really excited to help her try them out, even if they're not personally my kink. Quote Link to comment
kochel428 583 Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 Seems pretty unfair to decide on behalf of your boyfriend whether he'll ever get to participate in your fetish. But if you really think he's not the kind of lover who would not do something for you even if he doesn't get anything out of it, I'd recommend getting a new lover. Sake 1 Quote Link to comment
SoggyShorts 815 Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 I'll tell you what.... Around twentymumble years ago, I told my girlfriend what I was into and what I though would be pretty hot. She wasn't into the idea. We stayed together anyway, we got married anyway, and so far, we have lived happily ever after. Don't sweat this stuff. Lay it out and let it be known. Otherwise, you're going to have a strained relationship at best. Quote Link to comment
soo-pis-sed 646 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 16 hours ago, Coinín Beag said: I can't speak for your bf, but if I found out my girl was into some weird things I'd be really excited to help her try them out, even if they're not personally my kink. If I found out he was into something, I'll be happy to try it with him as well, also, it would be a great way to start a conversation on kinks and eventually tell him about mine. But I asked him for a number of times, and promised I'll support anything he can think of... alas, he just says "nah, I'm fine with what we have now." Quote Link to comment
Guest Closed_Account Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Quote If I found out he was into something, I'll be happy to try it with him as well, also, it would be a great way to start a conversation on kinks and eventually tell him about mine. But I asked him for a number of times, and promised I'll support anything he can think of... alas, he just says "nah, I'm fine with what we have now." Damn, that's a shame. Still, I think you should bring it up with him. Worst case scenario he says no. Quote Link to comment
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