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Sexless Marriage.

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Me and my wife are sexually incompatible... after having our first child she's more modest & Vanilla ..... Everything else is great. I personally hate to use the internet as my sexual outlet.... I'm not a fan of porn because I am a feminist and I know alot of women are abused by the industry. how should I handle this? Divorce is not an option everything else goes so well. 

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the quality of sex depends on the quality of the relationship. there are some obstacles in yours, even if you may not realize. of course, a child becomes the main priority, but that's no reason why the two of you wouldn't have time for yourself every now and then. another reason is that when a woman has a child, her role becomes being a mother instead of a lover and her body has changed psychologically and physically for that particular role, while yours has not, at least not that significantly.

i think the best course of action would be to relieve her of as much stress and responsibility as you can, and relaxed as she will be she might feel the desire to be kinky again. until then, porn can be your friend (but you'll have to drop those ideological beliefs to actually enjoy it - people do porn for money, that's it. if actors and actresses who don't want to be a part of it and have a chance to leave, that's not abuse). it's bizzare that a concern like that is mentioned on a forum where most users get turned of by people unwillingly wetting themselves. how about a wetting video of a woman's own production, doing it willingly and with pleasure? i don't like seeing a woman being abused as well, so i only watch content of which i'm sure that's not the case. 

Edited by slovenc79
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I kind of have some experience with a similar situation and I know it can be terribly frustrating. Does your wife consider/realize that it's a real problem for you, or does she think everything is going ok, or even worse - dismissing your concerns about sexless life? It matters where she stands here and if she is willing to work on her end.

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Do you know Dan Savage? He'll tell you two things: 

1) Lack of sex can destroy a marriage whether you want it to or not 

2) The GGG rule: successful couples are Good, Giving, and Game for Anything (within reason). That means you should be willing to try things out -- in both directions. Balance is everything. 

I agree with Dtravis, it would help to know if you've talked to your wife about this. If she knows and isn't willing to change that's one problem. If you haven't been able to talk to her, that's a different problem.  

Also: don't sweat it so much about the internet. You're totally right that there's waaaay too much abuse in the porn industry (I've seen it myself) but that's not all porn ever. Some amateur stuff is clearly done for the fun of it. Also there's different kinds. Plenty of stories and drawings/cartoons on here that are 100% abuse-free, since the people in them don't exist! So you can find some, if you know where to look. (And people here can help you find it, too.) Now, if you're worried about "cheating" on your wife, maybe the compromise you come to with her is that this is your outlet. I had a partner whose sex drive was lower than mine, and they were totally fine with me getting off on the internet because that took the pressure off them. Your wife might be the same. But you gotta talk about it! 

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On 11/22/2019 at 4:29 PM, slovenc79 said:

the quality of sex depends on the quality of the relationship.

That's true. The reverse is also true! Many people will tell you that when the sex starts rolling downhill, the relationship follows. 

 

On 11/22/2019 at 4:29 PM, slovenc79 said:

i think the best course of action would be to relieve her of as much stress and responsibility as you can, and relaxed as she will be she might feel the desire to be kinky again.

Yes indeed. Stress and exhaustion are massive turn-offs

On 11/22/2019 at 4:29 PM, slovenc79 said:

people do porn for money, that's it. if actors and actresses who don't want to be a part of it and have a chance to leave, that's not abuse

Hmm. Here I have to disagree, at least a little. A friend of a friend got into some financial trouble and made a porn video to get out of it... but it was apparently a miserable, even traumatizing experience. So she didn't want to be part of it and she totally had the chance to leave, but she needed that money to survive. That's abusive, as I see it. I wasn't there, I never heard the story from her... but even secondhand the story breaks my heart. (That's about the time I resolved that I needed to make more money so I could help my friends out of that kind of trouble.) 

HOWEVER... 

There are quite a few women, including any number on this site, who obviously are entirely delighted to share their stuff here. And when they're sharing it for free, you know they're doing it for the love of it. Enjoy to your heart's content with those! 

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9 hours ago, Weasel said:

Hmm. Here I have to disagree, at least a little. A friend of a friend got into some financial trouble and made a porn video to get out of it... but it was apparently a miserable, even traumatizing experience. So she didn't want to be part of it and she totally had the chance to leave, but she needed that money to survive. That's abusive, as I see it. I wasn't there, I never heard the story from her... but even secondhand the story breaks my heart. (That's about the time I resolved that I needed to make more money so I could help my friends out of that kind of trouble.) 

it's actually a female privilege that a woman can actually get (a lot of) money that way (you can get low wage labour work anyday anywhere, you just have to be willing to do it), for a man, it's practically impossible because there's no such demand (that's why men, under the same excuse "there's no other way", involve themselves in illegal activity, which is also full of stress and abuse - but of course, nobody ever feels any sympathy for them). everything boils down to integrity. 
this is actually a very interesting topic i would love to debate more about, but i don't want to go too offtopic, so.. 

for that reason i prefer videos that were made by girls themselves, solely out of joy and shared for free. because the lust is always genuine, and there's no reason for any kind of abuse or exploitation 🙂

9 hours ago, Weasel said:

That's true. The reverse is also true! Many people will tell you that when the sex starts rolling downhill, the relationship follows. 

could be, but it depends on the reason why sex isn't satisfactory anymore in the first place, and even more important, why the problem doesn't get solved by the root, but spreads to the rest of the relationship. 

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We worked things out.... and it was a rough spot I have alot of deep issues in myself to work on. Now on the question of porn the self made and self promoted stuff is the only thing people should trust. When a girl gets a big smile across her face cause she knows shes being naugty and the ad views on pornhub are just the icing on the cake. I'll put it this way I can't get off if shes not happy... in real life or in a porno. Yes I have heard of Dan Savage he might be the most brilliant man on the topic of sex ever. 

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20 hours ago, Soma-Matic said:

We worked things out.... and it was a rough spot I have alot of deep issues in myself to work on. Now on the question of porn the self made and self promoted stuff is the only thing people should trust. When a girl gets a big smile across her face cause she knows shes being naugty and the ad views on pornhub are just the icing on the cake. I'll put it this way I can't get off if shes not happy... in real life or in a porno. Yes I have heard of Dan Savage he might be the most brilliant man on the topic of sex ever. 

i'm very glad to hear that! i hope you will resolve the issues and the relationship will improve. 
i have simmilar views. i don't like when a video is made just to make money or any other motivation than pure lust (also don't like so much if amateurs show faces.. tho it's sexy to see her face, but practically loses anonimity). the videos i enjoy most are the ones where i actually get to talk to a woman that made it, get to know her a bit and feel she genuienly likes the fetish and want to share the joy. 

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