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Is there a viable way to talk and flirt with girls online about this stuff? I'm reluctant to do it here since I'd probably be breaking the moreso tasteful nature of this website and I'd rather not come off as creepy. I've talked to a couple people through different websites but the conversation usually doesn't extend past a single 24 hour period. Wondering if anyone else has had any success stories. Hope this topic isn't inappropriate at all. 

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I'd have thought it would be OK to PM someone you fancied and say something like, "I really liked your story about xxx, do you do that in real life? I'm 29 and single, send me a PM if you would like to chat more."

The crucial thing would be to ask just once.

(If the moderators don't intervene here, I guess that would be OK)

If you succeed, and your new friend is OK with that, it might be nice to tell us about it.

 

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4 hours ago, David_E said:

I'd have thought it would be OK to PM someone you fancied and say something like, "I really liked your story about xxx, do you do that in real life? I'm 29 and single, send me a PM if you would like to chat more."

The crucial thing would be to ask just once.

(If the moderators don't intervene here, I guess that would be OK)

If you succeed, and your new friend is OK with that, it might be nice to tell us about it.

 

Honestly, that's bloody annoying...

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23 hours ago, StubbornBunny said:

Have you tried Fetlife or Fetish.com?

Made a FetLife account recently. Haven't put much info on there and I'm not totally sure how the site works yet. Haven't heard of Fetish.com so maybe I'll try it.

 

6 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

Honestly, that's bloody annoying...

That's kind of how I feel when I think of doing it. I'd hate to message someone and have it received as uninvited or unwanted. I also simply wouldn't know what to say. I'm awkward but I also would like to meet folks of the opposite sex.

 

Does anyone know if this topic goes over well on Tinder? I've never tried it.

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8 hours ago, haloslipping said:

Made a FetLife account recently. Haven't put much info on there and I'm not totally sure how the site works yet. Haven't heard of Fetish.com so maybe I'll try it.

 

That's kind of how I feel when I think of doing it. I'd hate to message someone and have it received as uninvited or unwanted. I also simply wouldn't know what to say. I'm awkward but I also would like to meet folks of the opposite sex.

 

Does anyone know if this topic goes over well on Tinder? I've never tried it.

Honestly I think liesjeversteven is being too touchy, I mean I too remember being extremely shy and awkward with girls in my youth, so I know from personal experience that can be a real problem. If merely asking a girl once for a chat on a forum like this is considered to be harassment, then PC has gone way too far!

TVGuy has also written movingly about the fact that he suffered from shyness as a teenager. My theory is that people possibly become more interested in kinks like omorashi when they find it hard to form a relationship.

So far, no moderator has contacted me about what I suggested, so I would still suggest you gently explore that approach (obviously avoiding liesjeversteven ) and see what happens. Remember that many people here  are probably in a relationship, so don't expect to contact someone immediately. You might also add a comment on your profile here, saying that you would welcome PM's from girls.

Even just chatting with a girl can probably help to reduce your shyness.

Feel free to contact me by PM if you would like to discuss this further, but remember, I am not a professional, just a former sufferer.

David

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I miss Experience Project, I met a few girls on there from the UK and the US who were into desperation/wetting and had quite a few video chats with them on MSN (which sort of shows how long ago this was, given than MSN is no longer running). Even met up in real life with a girl I met through EP. 
 

21 hours ago, David_E said:

I'd have thought it would be OK to PM someone you fancied and say something like, "I really liked your story about xxx, do you do that in real life? I'm 29 and single, send me a PM if you would like to chat more."

 

I would say something like 'Loved your story about xxx' and wait for a response. Asking about real life stuff, giving your age/status etc. feels too strong for an opening message (IMO) and might turn people away. Helps if you have posted your own stories/content as well so people know a bit about you and what kind of stuff you are into.

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Guest DarthBane93

This. Everyone's situation is different and I get it's different for the opposite gender in this society. I feel like as long as it's respectful it's okay to reach out. I would be wary about stressing communication and intentions though. Won't name names but the only person I ever connected with to the point of meeting up ended up being a big miscommunication. I thought they were in it for genuine connections and enjoyment of the fetish, turns out they were only in it for money. Not for me lol. I do wish there was an omo dating site though. Fetlife isn't as much about it I've noticed.

4 hours ago, PrincessPeeach said:

I would agree, I mean as a member I can always choose not to reply, but what’s the harm in reaching out? I’m not planning on meeting up with anyone, but I’ve enjoyed talking with lots of different people on here, and have found nearly all of them to be extremely polite and respectful. 

 

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9 hours ago, Maria-Sanza said:

I get it, but at the same time, if you're in their situation, what the hell are you supposed to do?

Go out and meet people in real life?  Not hide behind a computer screen and cower away from life? Don't get me wrong.  I won't bite somebody's head of if they reach out to me on this board or anywhere else online.  I'm always polite and will politely reject them, but what do people expect? Some stranger you've never seen in real life suddenly starts chatting you up, not knowing anything about you nor the other way around and that's supposed to work?  Get a life! A real one I mean...

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10 hours ago, David_E said:

Honestly I think liesjeversteven is being too touchy, I mean I too remember being extremely shy and awkward with girls in my youth, so I know from personal experience that can be a real problem. If merely asking a girl once for a chat on a forum like this is considered to be harassment, then PC has gone way too far!

TVGuy has also written movingly about the fact that he suffered from shyness as a teenager. My theory is that people possibly become more interested in kinks like omorashi when they find it hard to form a relationship.

So far, no moderator has contacted me about what I suggested, so I would still suggest you gently explore that approach (obviously avoiding liesjeversteven ) and see what happens. Remember that many people here  are probably in a relationship, so don't expect to contact someone immediately. You might also add a comment on your profile here, saying that you would welcome PM's from girls.

Even just chatting with a girl can probably help to reduce your shyness.

Feel free to contact me by PM if you would like to discuss this further, but remember, I am not a professional, just a former sufferer.

David

PC is not my strong point either, so that's not where my reply came from. Actually fuck PC, there's too much of that in this society.  It's just that as a girl/woman on any forum having to do with anything sexual one is constantly bombarded with friend requests and chat requests from guys who are desperate for attention without any regard of the receiving end.  Shyness is not an excuse for a lack of respect.  It's not because one's online that normal social rules of engagement don't count anymore.

Don't get me wrong, i can handle myself and do so.  I'm never impolite in rejecting people or telling them I'm not interested.  I just wonder why they keep trying... Especially as i'm quite open about the fact that I'm a lesbian and not interested in guys...

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3 minutes ago, liesjeversteven said:

Go out and meet people in real life?  Not hide behind a computer screen and cower away from life? Don't get me wrong.  I won't bite somebody's head of if they reach out to me on this board or anywhere else online.  I'm always polite and will politely reject them, but what do people expect? Some stranger you've never seen in real life suddenly starts chatting you up, not knowing anything about you nor the other way around and that's supposed to work?  Get a life! A real one I mean...

I think hardly anyone understands how intensely the shyness problem affects some men - because they obviously do not talk about it. I do remember that TVGuy, of all people wrote on this forum about the problem he had as a teenager and into his 20's. I couldn't seem to find this using the search button. This is definitely not solved by telling them to

"Go out and meet people in real life?  Not hide behind a computer screen and cower away from life? "

That is a bit like telling someone with intense arachnophobia to pick up a spider by its legs and chuck it out of the window if you don't like it!

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As a girl that one would meet online in an omo context, I don't find one and only one reach-out message to be annoying, and I even land on the touchier side of things, tbh.  The only messages I ever respond to are ones that the other party put a little thought into though.  I never respond to anything that says "hello, how are you?" and nothing else.  It gives me absolutely zero to work with in terms of building conversation and I like to get a sense of a person before agreeing to engage, as a woman on the internet.  It really is kinda scary out there for us, lol.  I'm not saying to spill your life story or anything right out of the gate, but saying you liked their work or whatever (I'd even add what parts you liked best or why you liked it for extra context...it produces an immediate talking point) and you'd like to chat if they're open to it isn't out of line, IMHO.  

Aside from all that, I met these omo friends through my own activity on social media.  Being active yourself might help meet people of similar interests.

As for success stories, I have met several people with whom I've developed long-lasting friendships via Twitter and Tumblr (rip) through the shared interest of omo.  It exists, it's just hard to find. 

 

 

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An interesting discussion! I've had a few conversations with people on here, pretty much all related to, almost an extension of, a post that one or the other of us has commented on. A couple of those (with girls, probably incidentally) have gone way off the topic of omo, indeed off the site and outside the protection of anonymity, and we've talked about all sorts of things over long periods. One in particular has turned into a great friendship in real life. It's never been about flirting for me though and certainly not about anything more than that, just about sharing a mutual interest, and I'd like to to think that that's reflected in how I approach things.

I gather that they're both (or were, since neither are active on the site any more) are pretty much inundated with (at best) low-effort, uninspiring messages, sometimes worse, and it does put me off trying to initiate new conversations because I'd hate to be lumped in with that sort of behaviour 😞

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14 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

Go out and meet people in real life?  Not hide behind a computer screen and cower away from life? Don't get me wrong.  I won't bite somebody's head of if they reach out to me on this board or anywhere else online.  I'm always polite and will politely reject them, but what do people expect? Some stranger you've never seen in real life suddenly starts chatting you up, not knowing anything about you nor the other way around and that's supposed to work?  Get a life! A real one I mean...

I don't think this is a fair statement to make, honestly. My first boyfriend and I met online and then we closed the distance. It's really convenient and helpful to be able to use the Internet as an option because some of us lead busy lives and may not be able to meet others conventionally. I don't think it should be considered "hiding behind a computer screen and cowering away from life."

14 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

 I'm always polite and will politely reject them

Take note, anyone who is thinking about reaching out to this person now or in the future.

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15 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

Go out and meet people in real life?  Not hide behind a computer screen and cower away from life? Don't get me wrong.  I won't bite somebody's head of if they reach out to me on this board or anywhere else online.  I'm always polite and will politely reject them, but what do people expect? Some stranger you've never seen in real life suddenly starts chatting you up, not knowing anything about you nor the other way around and that's supposed to work?  Get a life! A real one I mean...

I will second Maria-Sanza that this statement isn't fair. My wife and I met each other online on some social network site many years ago. Back then we lived thousands of miles away from each other. We're married for 7 years now and counting. Distance doesn't matter that much, people do. Some people worth a long flight on a plane, others don't worth your time spent to meet them at pub down the street. Just from my own experience.

One of my best friends met his wife online as well. Their distance wasn't as big as ours, but still it started with ICQ text chat and now they're married for years.

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59 minutes ago, Maria-Sanza said:

I don't think this is a fair statement to make, honestly. My first boyfriend and I met online and then we closed the distance. It's really convenient and helpful to be able to use the Internet as an option because some of us lead busy lives and may not be able to meet others conventionally. I don't think it should be considered "hiding behind a computer screen and cowering away from life."

Take note, anyone who is thinking about reaching out to this person now or in the future.

Good for you that you found a boyfriend online.  Nothing against it, if it works for you, fine.  Congrats even.  I'm just fed up with constantly being chatted up online.

8 minutes ago, Dtravis said:

I will second Maria-Sanza that this statement isn't fair. My wife and I met each other online on some social network site many years ago. Back then we lived thousands of miles away from each other. We're married for 7 years now and counting. Distance doesn't matter that much, people do. Some people worth a long flight on a plane, others don't worth your time spent to meet them at pub down the street. Just from my own experience.

One of my best friends met his wife online as well. Their distance wasn't as big as ours, but still it started with ICQ text chat and now they're married for years.

See above.

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15 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

That is probably the best way to get over arachnophobia...

That might be true for a few, but I doubt it would be a popular treatment! More to the point, to get over intense shyness dating, you don't just have to somehow mutter "I'd like to take you out", while feeling (and therefore looking) awful, because that will elicit a "No!, and just intensify the problem.

The fact is, a small proportion of men have this problem, and it can be intense. Because I escaped relatively young, I forgot all about this until I spotted a newspaper article on the subject. I then discovered a very dark website, populated by men who had remained stuck for decades. All they do is whinge to each other about how terrible women and "feminists" are. You can laugh at them or curse them, but that doesn't alter the fact that are still stuck waiting for their first girlfriend - often their first kiss. One guy there is nearing 60.

Edited by David_E (see edit history)
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I’m a guy and probably therefore get PM’d a lot less than some of the females. But I will always respond politely to any polite message from anybody. 

I have a couple of times messaged females on here but - and I think this the key - without being too forward or blunt, just making a follow-up comment on a post they’ve made. 

If you just message someone out of the blue with a “wanna f**k” or “want to pee all over you” message then you’ll not get far. 

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Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. If you would feel uncomfortable with a random message saying ‘I’d love to date you’ or worse then don’t ever send it. If you would feel good receiving something like it appreciate your content and the effort you put into this site. Thank you. I especially loved.....because....so thank you again’ then the person receiving it is likely to feel good too. 
be honest, be real and post as much as you can (comments or posts) as this helps others get to know you and feel more comfortable.

well done for overcoming your shyness to ask. 

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This is a fascinating topic. It's really nice to see people supporting the idea of reaching out within reason. Of course, the key is reason, which a lot of dudes are SEVERELY lacking in. My one piece of advice to the OP is: If you do reach out to someone and they respond in kind, don't make your entire friendship/potential romance about omo. People are multifaceted and you could have other interests or just as likely- have ZERO overlapping interests.

 

Also...don't ghost anyone if you realize you probably won't get along. That can be habit forming and a bad habit at that. Just as you are shy, there are plenty of shy girls out there as well. Be respectful and understanding. 

If you do manage to find a romantic option among the female denizens here, long distance relationships are HARD and communication is such a vital key to keeping that relationship alive. You will make mistakes and you will fuck up. Acknowledge them and strive to be better always.

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1 hour ago, Bedwettingchik12 said:

You’re an idiot. Seriously. You seem like an ignorant person who doesn’t understand fears.

yes, people petrified of spiders should pick them up and throw them away

people who have depression should also just “get over it” too huh??

pick your words carefully. Especially while you are also behind a computer screen

First of all, I have not been impolite to anyone in this discussen.  My opinion might differ from other's, but I always stay respectful and never go ad hominem.  You barge in here and start with calling me an idiot before you've even written another word.  Not very polite at all... Manners much? Your own words: "pick your words carefully. Especially while you are also behind a computer screen"

Second: I'll admit.  i'm a person without fears.  i don't have any phobia (anymore), I'm not shy, so I do have a hard time understanding them.  I used to be afraid of heights.  i got over it by going rock climbing.  i believe in facing one's fears.

Third: About depression: I have never said, thought or claimed anything of the sort. Don't be fucking ridiculous. I do believe, on the other hand, that if one suffers from depression one should seek professional help.

And that's the last thing I say to you, because I generally don't talk to rude people. It's a waste of time and a mood killer.

 

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2 hours ago, liesjeversteven said:

First of all, I have not been impolite to anyone in this discussen.  My opinion might differ from other's, but I always stay respectful and never go ad hominem.  You barge in here and start with calling me an idiot before you've even written another word.  Not very polite at all... Manners much? Your own words: "pick your words carefully. Especially while you are also behind a computer screen"

Second: I'll admit.  i'm a person without fears.  i don't have any phobia (anymore), I'm not shy, so I do have a hard time understanding them.  I used to be afraid of heights.  i got over it by going rock climbing.  i believe in facing one's fears.

Third: About depression: I have never said, thought or claimed anything of the sort. Don't be fucking ridiculous. I do believe, on the other hand, that if one suffers from depression one should seek professional help.

And that's the last thing I say to you, because I generally don't talk to rude people. It's a waste of time and a mood killer.

 

Making that ridiculous claim about phobias is rude. Taking it a step further and mentioning depression was out of line, yes. But you are almost proving my point.

if you’re without fear, you can never understand someone with a fear of spiders, but you make a stupid statement like that.

so using that same mentality- I assumed (because unfortunately a lot of people are like this) that if you aren’t depressed, you wouldn’t understand depression and therefore would think it’s easy to get over.

 

so yes, I was out of line saying that. However, your claim about just throwing the spider out is absolutely ridiculous.

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