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Origins: How it began and how it evolved


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I’ve been meaning to post my “origins” story for a while now, so here it is! To be frank, this is partly background for my explorations on this forum and others, but also partly for me to try and work through how I became into this (and where it might go next).

 

The earliest experience I can recall was when I was around 4 I believe... I remember having a messing accident at the birthday party of a friend and being exceptionally embarrassed. Try-as-I-might though, I can’t for the life of me remember what happened next in that situation or how it resolved. Though this is the first accident I can remember, I certainly don’t remember ever being attracted to wetting/messing/diapers as a youngster. As a matter of fact, I had quite an excellent track-record for not having accidents during my childhood.

 

At age 10 I started to slowly become sick. Not in any acute way, but a definite slow decline into anemia, GI troubles, and slowed growth. Over this year I had what was truly my most traumatic accident. I was at a funeral (for a great aunt, or something like that), when I began to feel my stomach rumble. As I had been experiencing some tummy troubles over the previous months, I thought it prudent to preemptively go on a bathroom search. However, I could only find the ladies… As my urge worsened, I went and found my mom and asked if she could help find the bathroom. As we looked, my urge rapidly increased (which I vocalized), and she just suggested I run into the ladies. But as I pushed opened the door, my body tingled, my abdomen contracted, and I uncontrollably messed my pants. And this was no small mess: it was a considerable amount of some awful porridge-like consistency. I think it must have been obvious, as while I cried in the stall and tried to figure out what to do, my mom calmed me down and passed wet paper towels under the stall door.

 

About six months later, after a continued decline in health and an intense hospital stay, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. Although nothing accident-wise occurred during this time, it was certainly a period of intense stress combined with raw feelings of vulnerability (and a focus on BMs and GI health, as all individuals with IBD/IBS I am sure are well aware). Over the following months and years, I recall beginning to experiment with peeing in my underwear slightly, and then eventually lining my underwear with toilet paper and messing just enough to get that taboo feel but without the cleanup. 

 

In looking back now, I think my Crohn’s experience (with the never-ending diarrhea, GI problems, and hospital stay) may have been the etiology of this whole kink. Interestingly - and in contrast to many other origins stories I have read - I can’t specifically remember attractions to any aspects of this kink before then (although that could very well just be poor memory). I wonder if the ceaseless worrying about bathrooms/accidents during my Crohn’s flareup prior to going into the hospital managed to get some wires crossed in my pubertal brain!

 

Around age 15 was the first time I experimented with diapers. It was really a classic story: I was curious about them for quite a while, and then finally, one day when my parents were out, I ventured down to a nearby grocery store and nervously bought a pack of pullups. I went back home, slipped one on, wet and then jerked it furiously (as young boys do hahaha), and then chucked the whole rest of the pack, spelling the end of my first binge-purge cycle. I did this several more times over the following years, and continued to occasionally wet or mess my clothes - although always minorly enough that I could throw them in the family laundry without raising suspicion.

 

I am not one to shy away from things: If I feel like there is something I want to do or explore, I almost always give it a try. So, as I continued throughout high school and into early university, I became more and more daring. I experimented with wetting in public, the rapid desperation technique, setting myself up (intentionally) to have wet accidents in public, wearing diapers in public, and messing at home and in public (in both pants and diapers). There were definitely a few times I was 100% seen in some very wet pants, but I’ll save those stories for another post. This period was marked by an emerging understanding of sexual attraction to these kinks, but a profound lack of comfort or acceptance. This led to some pretty wild binge-purge weekends (which I should also write a post about at some point).

 

Finally, in the second year of my undergraduate I met a young woman who became my long-term girlfriend. I give her nearly 100% of the credit for helping me from a shame/binge-purge view around to a (nearly) fully accepted view of myself and these kinks. (Although, for the record, I certainly believe anyone can come around to this acceptance on their own!) How I told her, and the process of coming to a more positive view of these kinks, will be for another post!

 

Over the past year I became engaged to this wonderful young woman and I became a graduate student. I am very active athletically and have a busy schedule balancing school/friends/family/athletics/hobbies, and my kinks continue to evolve somewhat. It has been an incredibly fun and interesting experience to explore my kinks with my finance and without the massive shame-filled comedown that was a feature of my experiences when I was younger. More recently I have become increasingly interested in trying a stint of wearing 24/7… In typical me fashion, I am planning to jump in with both feet in the coming month - again, story soon!

 

And for now, I’ll leave it there. As always, happy to chat, discuss, or take suggestions!

 

AN


 

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks @Taylah and @Helena

Maybe I should make a whole separate post about "coming out" so-to-speak to my fiancé... But to answer your question, @Helena, yes, I've wet many times in front of her, several times in public, and I wear diapers reasonably often while we're out and about. I've also messed a few times in front of her.

I think I'll devote my next post to this topic! If you want me to cover anything specifically, let me know!
 

AN

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