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The core here is so, so good. I love the idea and both of the girls to death.

But are you aware of the ancient writers' tip, "show, don't tell"? You use little in the way of vivid language to "show" us what's going on and how characters feel. It's 90% plain telling what you want us to know, when good fiction lets the reader imagine it. For example, your first sentence says she's bored at school. You could have described what she was doing instead of paying attention: maybe coming up with summer/university plans as a double whammy to say she's almost done. Then you drop the bomb that she'll have an important assignment and the story starts for real.

I upvoted every section because your story is great. But I hope it gets better too. 🙂

Edited by AliasnameTO (see edit history)
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  • 2 weeks later...

At least Anna got her relief and I'm assuming you had the idea all along about her going in the backyard and planning revenge on her sister and didn't get that from me but her sister will get what's coming to her more than likely.

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