Manowar 170 Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 Fabulous story. Quote Link to comment
AliasnameTO 335 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 (edited) The core here is so, so good. I love the idea and both of the girls to death. But are you aware of the ancient writers' tip, "show, don't tell"? You use little in the way of vivid language to "show" us what's going on and how characters feel. It's 90% plain telling what you want us to know, when good fiction lets the reader imagine it. For example, your first sentence says she's bored at school. You could have described what she was doing instead of paying attention: maybe coming up with summer/university plans as a double whammy to say she's almost done. Then you drop the bomb that she'll have an important assignment and the story starts for real. I upvoted every section because your story is great. But I hope it gets better too. 🙂 Edited September 28, 2019 by AliasnameTO (see edit history) Sake, LilMiss, Theonlysaneperson and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment
holding84 31 Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 very good story. i really like it, please continue whit this one. Quote Link to comment
BurstingStory 133 Posted October 10, 2019 Author Popular Post Share Posted October 10, 2019 (I apologize for the delay again, thank you so much for being patient!) Maddie couldn't help but smirk, watching her older sister hold her near overflowing bladder. She was enjoying the torment that Anna was undergoing, and she knew she would be in for a surprise any second. With the amount of water that she took in, the search for a bathroom was in the immediate future, it was just a matter of time. With her focus solely on her bladder, Anna failed to notice her mischievous sister and her clear pleasure from her situation. Her hands were fastened to her crotch, desperately squirming around. She knew it was only a matter of time before she lost complete control, and Anna wanted to make sure that she was in a bathroom for when it happen. Her legs shaking, she started to walk, her bladder crying out with each step she took. Anna knew a bathroom was just around the corner, and she sighed in relief as she made it to her door. Her bladder was nearly at its bursting point, she had never held this much in her life, and her bladder pulsated with every slight movement she made. However, it would finally be relieved soon, as Anna neared the bathroom. As she did, her jaw dropped as she attempted to turn the handle. Anna frantically twisted the handle, but the distinctive locked sound pinged throughout the hallway. Behind her, Maddie began to giggle, failing to suppress her involvement. "I'm sorry sis...but you're going to have to hold a bit longer..." She teased, dangling the master key in her hand. Before Anna could react, she darted around her sister, retreating away from her with a quick dash. Anna seethed in anger at her sister's interference. There was nothing she could do, there was no way she would be able to catch her sister and get the key in time before she burst. Besides, trying to walk in the state shew as in was already a laborious task, and running would be absolute torture. With no way to get the key, Anna had to find another solution, and quick. She wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of explaining to her parents about why there was a stain on her carpet, and she wasn't about to find a bucket of sorts. The only option that popped into Anna's mind was the backyard, but even that had risks to it. She was at her breaking point and it was the only logical option she saw, it would have to do for now. Anna made her way to the edge of the stairs, which would be her hardest challenge. She took a deep breath and collected herself, before she took the first step towards the first floor. She took it one step at a time, but was barely halfway down before a warm damp spot spread across her panties. Anna gasped in horror, realizing what she had just done. Her control was escaping her, and she knew she would be in a lot of trouble if she just stood there. It was a quick split second reaction as she started to descend down the stairs rapidly, giving up all hope of control as she did so. The torrential rush of pee escaped from Anna's bladder into her panties as she darted for the backyard. She slowly leaked down her legs, leaving a slight trail as she ran. She threw open the backyard door, her control still nowhere to be found. Anna didn't care if anyone was around, her bladder was fully releasing by this point and there was no hope in sight. Anna darted out to the backyard, where she quickly slipped out of her soaked panties, finally releasing the torrent of pee onto something that wasn't her clothes. The sound of her splashing pee with the grass rang out through the otherwise quiet atmosphere, as she finally could relax and let her stream out. She was finally relieved to no longer be holding, but would forever be embarrassed. Slowly creeping to the window, Maddie took her phone out, and took a few pictures as she stared in awe of her sister. She was simply letting it all out, with no regard for anybody potentially watching. She simply laughed and observed, impressed that her sister was that bold. She continued observing as Anna finally released the last of her bladder's contents and picked up her soaked shorts. She turned around and saw her sister, her facial expression turning to one of anger. Anna gritted her teeth as she glared angrily at her sister, already formulating a plan to get her back... daniel2, wether, HarryC and 5 others 8 Quote Link to comment
Melificentfan 1,215 Posted October 10, 2019 ✨ Legendary Member Share Posted October 10, 2019 Her sister is in trouble now but great chapter Quote Link to comment
Guest SAM996 Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 At least Anna got her relief and I'm assuming you had the idea all along about her going in the backyard and planning revenge on her sister and didn't get that from me but her sister will get what's coming to her more than likely. Quote Link to comment
Manowar 170 Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 On 10/11/2019 at 12:32 AM, Melificentfan said: Her sister is in trouble now but great chapter She should be. Anna ought to do something to revenge, especially because Maddie has pictures... Goid story by the way 😉 Melificentfan 1 Quote Link to comment
Theonlysaneperson 42 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Why would Anna be worried about her friends finding out about her project if she's going to be presenting it in front of the class? Quote Link to comment
fantasyfan 16 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 On 10/14/2019 at 6:39 PM, Theonlysaneperson said: Why would Anna be worried about her friends finding out about her project if she's going to be presenting it in front of the class? My guess is that her sister would put an untrue spin on it to make it seem like it's for more than just a grade Theonlysaneperson 1 Quote Link to comment
Adrian6970wc 243 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Good story. Quote Link to comment
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