Jump to content
  • 0
Sign in to follow this  

I want to get my girlfriend back!

Question

She broke up with me sadly due to the fact that "we do not understand each-other" . And that she never saw me happy while i was with her (and never had an honest smile.)

She always tried to cheer me up, trying to make me a better person, but things didn't changed because i fucked up(seemed that i hide my happiness always from everyone and i don't know why,because i did not do that purposely), and she used all of her energy for this... also i sadly have a bat habit for making her feel bad from my tone which she tells me that i'm attacking her when i use this tone of my(as far as i know this tone of mine is what i use when i'm being sarcastic..i tried to explain to her but she says't that it's different..) and also tend to roll my eyes rudely, but honestly i don't do this because i'm rude, it's just means that i'm tired of all the shit or i'm stressed or just do it sometimes casually for no reason...

I asked her if i change can we start it from all over again, and she said maybe (i think that's what she said, no pun intended) but she can't promise a thing.. i don't want to see she's having another boy instead of me, i really don't want to see that.. i cannot allowed this to happen because i love her so much..(never have i ever had somebody to love so much like this)

Maybe one thing that made me such a dick is the lack of sex...(yes, pathetic i know, i'm pathetic) but we haven't had sex in more than a month! It's not because she didn't wanted it, but it was because of the circumstances, and i'm not angry at her, i'm mad at the circumstances... fuck them .

 

I was so happy with her, that i'm not alone and having to jerk myself off and watching porn all the time.. i don't want this phase to come back.. i just don't

 

 

I feel very sad about this and want her back.  

 

I have decided that i'm not going to be depressed anymore, and i want to get rid off my bad habit. I want to prove her that i can change and that i'm doing it for her.Because i love her so much.. she means everything to me and i want both of us to have a future with each-other..

 

Hell, i even promised myself to get rid of my diaper fetish..because i don't want it to have a place in our relationship...

 

i'm trying to avoid sad music at all cost to not let myself cry because off all this, you know i promised.. no more tears(no pun intended as well)..no more depression..

 

So i'm trying to keep myself alive and console myself with Almost Easy by A7X.

 

Please, i don't want to have answers that tell me to move on.. i don't want to.. and i wrote this topic to ask your help guys to get her back.. pretty please..

Share this post


Link to post

13 answers to this question

Recommended Posts

  • 0

 

if im wayyy off then i apologize but based on your wording this is what i took from this

second if you are this depressed in general then more depressed and by what you wrote “trying to stay alive” then posting about this on the internet is going to get you no where, get medical help, go to an ER or call suicide hotline if this is how low you are feeling and get some actual help. There is nothing anyone can say here in my mind to magically fix all your problems as this seems way deeper and more serious than what the title makes it out to be

if she doesnt wanna be with you due to your own personal problems that are clearly causing issues with the relationship then you might have to move on and get yourself help, ik thats not the answer you want but its the answer you need, you may not have seen what she was seeing because you were dealing with personal or mental stuff, believe me ive been through this, what comes off as something small and not rude to you can come off differently to her, and by the way you describe it she doesnt wanna be with you if all you have been is depressed or stressed more than you ever are happy.

im sorry if this wasnt the answer you wanted, but i cant fix this and no one on this site can fix your relationship other than you, and right now, based on everything i read, I personally think you need to seek professional help, call a hotline for help instead of worrying about your love life if your depression has gone this far, if you have been feeling severely depressed and are now trying to stay alive by staying away from things that make you feel worse, then this is something only you can fix and i dont think a relationship is gonna fix it, i think your mental happiness needs to come first before you can work on getting your gf back

Edited by Brittanybunny

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
7 hours ago, Brittanybunny said:

 

if im wayyy off then i apologize but based on your wording this is what i took from this

second if you are this depressed in general then more depressed and by what you wrote “trying to stay alive” then posting about this on the internet is going to get you no where, get medical help, go to an ER or call suicide hotline if this is how low you are feeling and get some actual help. There is nothing anyone can say here in my mind to magically fix all your problems as this seems way deeper and more serious than what the title makes it out to be

if she doesnt wanna be with you due to your own personal problems that are clearly causing issues with the relationship then you might have to move on and get yourself help, ik thats not the answer you want but its the answer you need, you may not have seen what she was seeing because you were dealing with personal or mental stuff, believe me ive been through this, what comes off as something small and not rude to you can come off differently to her, and by the way you describe it she doesnt wanna be with you if all you have been is depressed or stressed more than you ever are happy.

im sorry if this wasnt the answer you wanted, but i cant fix this and no one on this site can fix your relationship other than you, and right now, based on everything i read, I personally think you need to seek professional help, call a hotline for help instead of worrying about your love life if your depression has gone this far, if you have been feeling severely depressed and are now trying to stay alive by staying away from things that make you feel worse, then this is something only you can fix and i dont think a relationship is gonna fix it, i think your mental happiness needs to come first before you can work on getting your gf back

i didn't meant "stay alive" literally so sorry for misunderstand it.

 

i said that i'm not rude as a person, but i have a kinda rude habit that usually makes people misjudge it as i being rude.. but in reality i'm not doing it to be rude, it's just comes form stress usually...

one thing i don't understand is how can she say that i was never happy with her... because i was happy all the time when i was with her(and i can still be happy if i get back her)..i was happy... really happy, but don't know how she didn't saw that.. i only i could prove that..

 

i don't have serious depression, what i mean is that i'm not wanting to commit suicide or that i don't feel so down all the time so i'm incapable to do things in my life..

what i meant by trying not to be depressed is not letting my emotions and sadness inside break out of me.. i'm fighting with it, and it's really hard for me. The stress and hiding happiness comes from school sadly, it's an awful place which i hate so much... lot's of scums are there whom i hate... maybe that's why she saw me as if i had a serious problem or something

i do this because i am the only person who can help me.. my psychologist couldn't really do anything to solve this, because she couldn't even know what causes it in me, and she didn't wanted to gave antidepressants to me , saying that wouldn't really solve my issue.

 

i said it before, i won't move on.. because it not the case of moving on... and you're right, like she said i have to fix my mental happiness first.. so i must do that.. i just hope that as soon as i achieve this i can be with her again..

Edited by ShallowBear52

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0

when she said "maybe", she actually said "yes, if it will be different".

i suggest you work on yourself first before you get into any relationship. because people should get into a relationship to GIVE something and to make others feel better, NOT to use them to fulfill your needs of any kind and depend on them - there are way too many relationships like that, and that's why they're shit.

you probably already realize there are some issues you need to solve, in order for your sadness to disappear. try to make your goal to first find exactly what causes that, and then try to find solutions for it, one by one. 

you can't decide to not be depressed anymore, and avoid things that make you feel sad.. that's just bottling up. i don't recommend you do that. quite the contrary, if you feel the need to cry or whatever, just let it out. it passes, and you feel a lot better, and when you feel better you focus on making things better.

what specific problems do you have in school? schoolmates, teachers, hard subjects and lack of motivation to study? 

far the best antidepressant is to feel productive, and in order to feel that is to be productive. just a simple step as cleaning your room is a huge improvement for your feelings, and it motivates you to do more. and when you do more, you feel even better, and want to do even more. that's why people who do volunteer work are full of energy and positivity. it's hard to take the first step, but once you get going, you only need to continue. working out (exercising) is also a great way to feel good. 

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
On 7/4/2019 at 4:53 PM, slovenc79 said:

when she said "maybe", she actually said "yes, if it will be different".

i suggest you work on yourself first before you get into any relationship. because people should get into a relationship to GIVE something and to make others feel better, NOT to use them to fulfill your needs of any kind and depend on them - there are way too many relationships like that, and that's why they're shit.

you probably already realize there are some issues you need to solve, in order for your sadness to disappear. try to make your goal to first find exactly what causes that, and then try to find solutions for it, one by one. 

you can't decide to not be depressed anymore, and avoid things that make you feel sad.. that's just bottling up. i don't recommend you do that. quite the contrary, if you feel the need to cry or whatever, just let it out. it passes, and you feel a lot better, and when you feel better you focus on making things better.

what specific problems do you have in school? schoolmates, teachers, hard subjects and lack of motivation to study? 

far the best antidepressant is to feel productive, and in order to feel that is to be productive. just a simple step as cleaning your room is a huge improvement for your feelings, and it motivates you to do more. and when you do more, you feel even better, and want to do even more. that's why people who do volunteer work are full of energy and positivity. it's hard to take the first step, but once you get going, you only need to continue. working out (exercising) is also a great way to feel good. 

 

school give me anxiety because of bullying and from harsh teachers. 

it seems that she really don't want to speak with me..

it hurts because i know i fucked up and would avoid those things that i made earlier .

it all started when i asked her why didn't she wanted to have sex (she was on her period) because we did that before when she had.

i was such a dick and didn't realized that in time before i asked her that

 

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
1 hour ago, ShallowBear52 said:

school give me anxiety because of bullying and from harsh teachers. 

it seems that she really don't want to speak with me..

it hurts because i know i fucked up and would avoid those things that i made earlier .

it all started when i asked her why didn't she wanted to have sex (she was on her period) because we did that before when she had.

i was such a dick and didn't realized that in time before i asked her that

 

i was bullied too. never had a problem with the teachers though. 
if i went in the past right now, the first thing would be not to take everything so seriously. i was a weak, fragile kid, and very emotional, every remark was hurtful, even though it wasn't meant that way. it was different back then when i didn't fully trust any of my friends that would give me self respect, as opposite to now when i know very well i have good friends i know i can count on, know they genuinely respect me, and feel 100% accepted. 
second thing i would do is to toughen up, both phisically and psychologically. start to work out (which is a good thing in every possible way) and stand up for myself. not to plan beating anyone up or anything like that, but to feel secure enough to know i'm able to defend myself and therefore confident enough to stand up for myself when necessary. it's interesting how even a small action or even a few words can change other's perceptions of you, and make people back off surprisingly fast and effectively. 

easy for me to say these things, being 28. but it would be a lot easier for me if somebody told me things like that. i can tell you that most things that seem horrible and stressful will one day be amusing memories of the past, and you just might share laughs about it years later over a beer with someone you might consider a mortal enemy right now (i can tell you more about my own experiences, if you're interested.. i don't feel like writing long essays if nobody reads them).

also one important thing you must realize is that you're not alone. practically everyone goes through problems like this in this stage of life and eventually they deal with it, grow up and live normally. 

dealing with all these problems will attract your girlfriend back to you. she will see that you're actively working on a solution, trying to make life better for yourself, trying to evolve in every way, and trying to make world around you better. this will also lead you to better attitude - instead of sadness, anger, depression, resentfulness, you become more optimistic, more motivated to solve problems in your life, calmer, happier, more generous and helpful, and most importantly, more relaxed. 

i think best way for you right now is to keep in contact with the girlfriend and let her know about the progress you're making, and evolving. that alone - showing her you're serious about becoming a better person and a better man 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
21 hours ago, slovenc79 said:

i was bullied too. never had a problem with the teachers though. 
if i went in the past right now, the first thing would be not to take everything so seriously. i was a weak, fragile kid, and very emotional, every remark was hurtful, even though it wasn't meant that way. it was different back then when i didn't fully trust any of my friends that would give me self respect, as opposite to now when i know very well i have good friends i know i can count on, know they genuinely respect me, and feel 100% accepted. 
second thing i would do is to toughen up, both phisically and psychologically. start to work out (which is a good thing in every possible way) and stand up for myself. not to plan beating anyone up or anything like that, but to feel secure enough to know i'm able to defend myself and therefore confident enough to stand up for myself when necessary. it's interesting how even a small action or even a few words can change other's perceptions of you, and make people back off surprisingly fast and effectively. 

easy for me to say these things, being 28. but it would be a lot easier for me if somebody told me things like that. i can tell you that most things that seem horrible and stressful will one day be amusing memories of the past, and you just might share laughs about it years later over a beer with someone you might consider a mortal enemy right now (i can tell you more about my own experiences, if you're interested.. i don't feel like writing long essays if nobody reads them).

also one important thing you must realize is that you're not alone. practically everyone goes through problems like this in this stage of life and eventually they deal with it, grow up and live normally. 

dealing with all these problems will attract your girlfriend back to you. she will see that you're actively working on a solution, trying to make life better for yourself, trying to evolve in every way, and trying to make world around you better. this will also lead you to better attitude - instead of sadness, anger, depression, resentfulness, you become more optimistic, more motivated to solve problems in your life, calmer, happier, more generous and helpful, and most importantly, more relaxed. 

i think best way for you right now is to keep in contact with the girlfriend and let her know about the progress you're making, and evolving. that alone - showing her you're serious about becoming a better person and a better man 🙂

I can relate with almost everything you said. And thank you, i appreciate your responses :) that's what i have planned out. I'm going to deal with these problems and i'm trying to be a more nicer and helpful person than i'm already. Thanks to my friends and family whom support me and i try to be the best friend to my friends and best son to my family.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0

I've been where you are/were. Given that this topic is already a few weeks old, I don't know if you even still need the advice. But I'm going to give it to you anyway.

The biggest paradox of getting back 'your' girl is that you can only get her back once you've totally and completely moved on from her. I know, this is a very strange concept, but I promise you this is really the only way. You need time to grow. You need to stop being this externally rude oops-I-didn't-mean-to type of person and prove that you can be a good boyfriend in a general sense. You have to learn to check off all the standard boyfriend boxes first. That begins with NEVER begging/whining for sex. Not only is it bad to do because you are pressuring your gf, but it makes you look pathetic to her. That's a one-two punch for her to not want you sexually anymore. I don't mean for this to be harsh, but I do want to be blunt because it's important you understand this in plain terms.

First, you be a good man. Second, you get over her. Totally. After all that (should take MONTHs maybe longer), then you can sit down and evaluate with a clear head if you think she and you are still a good fit.

Best of luck.

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0

i didn't worked. i talked to her not long ago and she said that she is happy that i've changed but does not feel the same about me as before and loves another. She also said that she wishes me to find a girl that loves me and how that girl will be very lucky to have me..i'm all over myself 😭😭

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
39 minutes ago, ShallowBear52 said:

i didn't worked. i talked to her not long ago and she said that she is happy that i've changed but does not feel the same about me as before and loves another. She also said that she wishes me to find a girl that loves me and how that girl will be very lucky to have me..i'm all over myself 😭😭

Just be happy she isnt being snotty about it, she wants you to move on and be happy with someone else, and i think thats pretty big of anyone to say after a breakup, you need to change for you, not for her

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
13 hours ago, Brittanybunny said:

Just be happy she isnt being snotty about it, she wants you to move on and be happy with someone else, and i think thats pretty big of anyone to say after a breakup, you need to change for you, not for her

I know i should just move on but i can't let her go. I'm unable to do that, i still feel attached to her.

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
2 hours ago, ShallowBear52 said:

I know i should just move on but i can't let her go. I'm unable to do that, i still feel attached to her.

Thats probably why she wont take you back, most girls dont like overly clingy and a guy changing for them instead of themselves, it doesnt feel natural then, and then sometimes girls feel as if they are involved and to blame of why the situation wont get better, be happy she didnt tell you to screw off or something worse, the more you obsess about her the further away she will go from you

Edited by Brittanybunny

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
On 8/24/2019 at 5:34 PM, Brittanybunny said:

Thats probably why she wont take you back, most girls dont like overly clingy and a guy changing for them instead of themselves, it doesnt feel natural then, and then sometimes girls feel as if they are involved and to blame of why the situation wont get better, be happy she didnt tell you to screw off or something worse, the more you obsess about her the further away she will go from you

i'm trying to move on but it's difficult. i'm really trying to forget her but there's always something which forces me to think about her. for example, there are a lot of argument/issues in  my family which stresses me out and wishing i could hold her in my arm.

Share this post


Link to post
  • 0
On 8/24/2019 at 12:34 AM, ShallowBear52 said:

i didn't worked. i talked to her not long ago and she said that she is happy that i've changed but does not feel the same about me as before and loves another. She also said that she wishes me to find a girl that loves me and how that girl will be very lucky to have me..i'm all over myself 😭😭

because you didn't change. you may seem to have an idea what you could change, but you're still focusing on getting her back at any price. which is understandable, but still the wrong path. 
it is my strong belief that a person, as personality, never changes. what you CAN change is your perspective on things in life and changing the response to them. which requires new experience, new way of doing some things and enough time. 
it is interesting to see how young people develop nowadays: 
at 15, they start worrying about anything, desperate to find an easy solution to every problem they can think of, and cling to the first thing someone convinces them is right.
at 20, they are convinced they found perfect solutions about everything - politics, life, relationships, and their beliefs are so strong they rebel against everything with all the protests, activism and everything (also they are most annoying at this stage of life).
at 25-30, they slowly learn life is way more complicated than that, and practically no thing is entirely good or bad. they overgrow all the ideologies they had, which is an existential crisis to many. but after abandoning all the ideals, they become truly mature - they think rationally and are mostly neutral, and most importantly - they realize they actually don't know much at all. 
what i'm trying to say is that changing is slow, and involuntary - by abandoning what you once strongly believe in, you accept some thing of what was previously completelly opposite (that's why some things you dislike the most are good to try - like inviting an ex-bully to a drink). the life shapes you, not other way around. only thing you can do is choose to act, experience, and learn. and the best thing about changing a perspective is that when you look back and think about something you were then crying about, you now think of it as a useful experience that makes you smile, and you even feel glad it happened.

people like to say to move on, thinking it's just giving it time and it passes by itself. WRONG. if you're overthinking, without anything else to do, it becomes even worse. 

to actually move on, you'll have to take a burden on yourself that is bigger and more important than your love for the woman. and you have a good opportunity here: working on relationship with your family. 
besides that, solve problems in life, or make some things better. start small - setting small things right will motivate you to deal with large things better.
also, my strong suggestion to anyone is to start working out, because it's a pure form of action and it brings nothing but positive changes in life. 

one thing you should also be careful of - never depend on someone. if your ex-girlfriend was your shelter from the problems with your family, that's not a good relationship. also, you see how painful it is when you lose that shelter as well. one of the most important thing you have to realize is that you're an independent person who can deal with his own problems, and if you don't feel you're capable of that, you have to become that and prove that to yourself.
one good way of getting that feeling is also helping others - many people do volunteer work - to do something good for others, and also they realize there are much more serious problems in life than their own might be - when you see someone who lost a house and all their belongings in a tornado or something, you realize your problems are actually minor inconveniences. with more experiences, your perspective changes and it results in much more mature way of thinking and behavior. 

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Answer this question...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...