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Lonliness

Question

I could use some advice on the current problem of mine. From time to time I feel lonely this usually stems from not having someone to speak to. I tend to feel a majority of this when I'm online and none of my friends or the people. I've chatted with are online and haven't had the chance to send a reply back to me, I spend a great deal of my time online visiting this site or DeviantArt looking and hoping that I get something because I really want to speak with someone. There are also times when I get really excited about certain things, which can range from something we've talked about, a story I've asked them to commission for me, to a couple of other things as well. But the main problem is I always get angry very easily it's my worst aspect of me personally. This anger usually comes from the person I want to talk to taking forever to message me back, I know RL stuff comes before online stuff but, I can't. Help but feel at times like I'm being ignored like I'll send someone a message about something and get nothing back. This leads me to believe that the user is indeed ignoring me which of course upsets me a lot. This usually leads to negative outcomes where I always push the friends I have away and I feel like it's happening with a current friend.

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A psychologist once theorized that loneliness actually has nothing to do with who you surround yourself with, but rather how well you are known. Even if you find people online (or irl) that engage in communication quickly enough, keeping them at arms length as you discuss small talk won't develop lasting progress to combat loneliness. That isn't to say that you should bare your soul to everyone that replies to your post, but do put some emphasis on quality of relationships, not just quantity.

Also, in the face of anger or fear, try applying curiosity. Learn about them. If they feel that you are truly interested and invested, they will be more likely to respond. Doesn't always guarantee results, but it does beat hand-wringing.

Lastly, take some time to reevaluate how you feel about yourself. What's your self-worth? Maybe it's great. But if you hate yourself and don't think people want to waste their time on you, that kind of self-criticism can often be felt by the other person. Dig for ways to cherish yourself for how and who you are. Then share what you cherish with others.

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there's no shortage of people online to chat with, if you can't find any, explore the internet further. there is another problem tho - you could find people who enjoy arguing all the time.

other that that, there are lots of other things to do if there's nobody around. there are hobbies, you can exercise, do something productive. i prefer being alone most of the time and almost never bored. 

and yes, being a dick doesn't help you get company. if you have issues with anger, deal with them (or deal with the problems that cause you to be like that, there always is one. when you figure yourself out, you're happy with yourself, even the people who try to annoy you will fail to do so).
also, practice patience. don't sit and wait for reply, do something else in the meantime. and the general rule of life i learned is to always rely on yourself the most. 

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Hmm... This is something I struggled with during my worst bouts of depression.

I'm not sure how to deal with it either, but for the most part, plenty of are people willing to hold a conversation with you; and if you have more people to talk to, there's less of a chance of you not having anyone to talk with at any given time. On the other hand, as you said, those same people have their own life, their own people to talk to, and depending on the means you use to reach out to them, they aren't always available there; it may also be the case that they have their own set of issues, difficulties and insecurities in keeping up a conversation, or even initiating one.

It admittedly takes some mental fortitude to not let it keep you down, and if you have anger issues and lash out frequently, that doesn't help you in this endeavor... I don't know how to help in regards to that. You should probably follow what slovenc said here already, to find things to do other than waiting for a reply - occupy your mind so you don't stress about not being replied to when you want to.

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it's interesting how this person opened a thread, seeking help and company, not wanting to be ignored, and now ignores everything and doesn't even reply to those of us who took time to read this and tried to help. this thread perfectly explains itself. 

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