Jump to content
Existing user? Sign In

Sign In



Sign Up

Recommended Posts

What is it with guys and morning sex?

Morning sex is garbage. Nobody has had a shower, or stretched out their muscles, or brushed their teeth! Morning breath isn’t sexy. And maybe it’s different for other people but when I wake up in the morning I usually need to pee. There is nothing less sexy then needing to pee. Amiright? 

But every dude I’ve ever dated just loves first-thing-in-the-morning sex. Apparently I’m extra hot when my hair looks like I’ve crawled through a haystack and my eyes be all crusty. You be you guys. :p

I have had sympathy for horny boyfriends sometimes and let just-woke-up sex happen. It always kinda sucks, but whatever. Except this one time when it was literally the “worst sex ever.” I do appreciate that my “worst sex ever” was at least consensual, and kinda funny so... lucky me I guess. 

This particular morning I woke up, like usual, with a dick pressing up against my ass. Nothing wrong with that. The hot breath on my ear and the kisses of a chronic snorer were less great. I was going to excuse myself to the bathroom and breakfast, not simultaneously. But when his hands started hitting the right spots I momentarily wavered and thought “maybe morning sex would be fun today?”

Spoiler; Nope! 

Even as I rolled onto my back I noticed I had to pee. I hate having to pee, I always pee as soon as I need to go. Like, why would you ever not? Because you are mid-sex? I say shut that shit down and go pee. Or I do now. At the time I was more thinking, “Ugh. Morning sex strikes again. Hopefully it’ll be quick, and anyway it’s not like I’m going to pee myself or something.” Ahahaha. 

It was not quick. Or maybe it was just normal length and it seemed long. I know I should have just hit pause but I felt like a bitch for breaking the mood. So I did not do that. Instead I just endured him slamming into my bladder like a jackhammer with every downstroke. It sucked. So after a few hundred reps of that shit I was like, “Hey dude? Why don’t I be on top for a bit?” Some guys will tell you they don’t like that. They do though. :p

I had thought that not getting pounded would make me feel better. And it did, I guess, but the new upright angle made me need to pee more. Like, I hadn’t needed to pee that badly in my whole life more. It was really really bad you guys. But... didn’t want to let him down so I figured I’d just be enthusiastic and use all my best moves, make him come real quick, and then dash off. I mean, it’s not like I was going to pee myself.

My bladder was abso-fucking-lutely throbbing. Hella bad. And he just wouldn’t finish. I kept telling myself, “OK girl, five more strokes, he’ll come, you can go. You can do this.” Nope! I was so uncomfortable. Worst sex ever. 

And then came the key moment. I felt like I was about to pee. Obviously I pulled him out of me and ran to the bathroom. Or that’s what I tried to do. I got myself off of him in a genital sense but my legs were cramping, or the blanket was on my feet, or something. Anyway, I was temporarily unable to get off my guy.

Then I pissed myself.

You knew that’s where this story was going. Ugh. It was the weirdest fucking feeling, peeing when you are trying with all your might not to. So I just knelt there, straddling my guy, peeing a full bladder on him. Bit of a mood killer. 

He was pretty decent about it. Helped me change the sheets, never asked for morning sex again. We never spoke about the peeing on him affair, thank God.

But now everytime I change my sheets I see the stain in the middle of my mattress and are reminded, “Hey, remember that time you were too polite during sex and peed your goddamned bed?”

Fuck morning sex. :p

Link to comment
On 8/2/2018 at 7:45 PM, Manowar said:

Haha. Great story... Although I have heard that sometimes woman asked for morning sex because of their partners' big erections which actually is caused by their need to use the loo...

I hadn’t heard that!

13 hours ago, AliasnameTO said:

Morning sex is cool because sometimes us guys are frisky right when waking up. But a little patience at first is worth it, because after-shower sex is so much better. Your skin feels great afterward and it lets you do some foreplay by peeing on each other in the shower lol.

Sounds like a solid plan :p

18 hours ago, Ondinist said:

Great story, thank you for posting it.

 

On 8/2/2018 at 1:16 PM, Melificentfan said:

Lol nice story 

Thanks you guys!

 

On 8/2/2018 at 6:52 PM, Babedut123 said:

Is it on purpose this is in the fiction section. 

Uh huh. Not my voice, didn’t happen to me. Though it did happen to someone I knew 15 years ago. I dramatised it a lot, her story was like three sentences long.

On 8/2/2018 at 12:34 PM, wd70 said:

Honestly looking at it from the guys point of view I’d say “best sex ever” lol

I figured most people who read it would! Because I posted it here. But if I’d just put it some random place on the web most people would agree with the protagonist. Which I think is kinda interesting. How different audiences as a group respond to the same text.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/5/2018 at 3:08 AM, jrs1989 said:

Will there be a sequel?

I don’t plan on it. :)

On 8/5/2018 at 12:19 PM, Blurple said:

As a guy I don’t understand morning sex.

That’s fair! Everyone is different. Personally I’ve got no problem with it, but the narrator of the story is not a fan. :p

5 hours ago, remos6 said:

I feel kind of bad for saying it, but I'm not really a fan of this one. Another well written story, but I struggle with scenarios where none of the characters really have a positive experience. Cute, incriminating mattress stains FTW though ? 

I like to write a variety of stuff. I seriously doubt anyone likes all my stories on a sexy level. I certainly don’t! But, I hope, someone likes any given story. 

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...