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What Happened to Ella Marsh?


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There was the clanging of dropped utensils followed by silence. Ella knew from the look on Heather’s face she was in trouble. Her lips were pulled tight and her eyes narrowed. She looked like she was about to say something, but before she could, Danielle and Charlie had broken the silence with uncontrolled gales of laughter. Her eyes shifted from Ella onto the pair of them and then back to Ella.

 

“That kind of language isn’t allowed in this house.” she said. Ella sunk in her seat. “I’m giving you a warning this once, but if I- Will you two stop laughing!” She snapped at them. “You’re sending the wrong message.”

 

“I. Can’t. Breathe.” Danielle managed to choke out through fits of laughter. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

 

“Sorry, honey, it was just so unexpected.” Charlie said, wiping his mouth with his napkin as he tried to pull himself together. Ella could tell he was still trying to fight back a grin as he looked up at Ella. “You shouldn’t say things like that.” He sounded very unconvincing with his bright red face and teary eyes.

 

“And-and you said you were glad she wasn’t in public school so she wouldn’t pick up bad habits!” Danielle roared making Charlie lose his composure all over again. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Fu-”

 

“You are not too old to go over my knee young lady!” Heather said through pursed lips. “Please get yourself under control.”

 

“Sorry,” she said, raising a glass of water to her lips and taking a drink.

 

“I hope I’m not too old to go over your knee.” said Charlie. Danielle choked on her water, spilling it down the front of her shirt.

 

“OUT! Both of you!” She shook her head at them as they left, laughing all the way to the living room.

Once it had gone quiet again, Heather turned her eyes back on Ella. “Did you hear that at school?” Ella nodded. “Words, Ella.”

 

“Yes.” She croaked out.

 

“Who? Another student or a teacher?”

 

“Kay-” she trailed off, unable to get the last syllable out. Heather looked displeased.

 

“She shouldn’t be using that kind of language.”

 

Ella pulled her phone out of her pocket and began to text Heather the rest.

 

“No, Ella, use your words.”

 

“Can’t say. Too big.”

 

She can’t control it. She has Tur its.

 

“What do you mean? What’s Tur its?”

 

Ella wiggled around and mimicked some of Kaylee’s movements with her neck and arms. Heather looked at her as if she had just spoken Latin. She did it again, but no recognition came to Heather.

 

Danielle came back in, now composed and headed for the table. “Just wanted my water.”

 

“Do you know what she’s trying to say?” asked Heather.

 

Danielle watched her wiggle around before shrugging. “Maybe she’s trying to make it rain.” Heather rolled her eyes and showed her the text message. “Tur its… Tur its… Oh! I think she means Tourette’s!”

 

Ella pointed to Danielle.

 

“Ten points for Slytherin!”

 

“I… don’t think I know what that means.” admitted Heather.

 

“Yeah you do, It was on that show we watched on TV with the kids who were yelling swear words and moving their heads? You remember Leslie from soccer last year? Her little sister has it.”

 

“Vaguely. Is that the really tall one?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Heather pursed her lips together. “I don’t know if I want you hanging around her, Ella. She sounds like she might be a bad influence.”

 

“No!” said Ella, sounding firm.

 

“You better not hear Leslie talk like that. She’d be so mad ”

 

“Well Leslie’s not here, this isn’t her sister, and I don’t need Ella picking up any more bad habits.”

 

“We sit to-to-geth-er.” Ella managed to say while crossing her middle and index fingers. “Par- part-ners.”

 

“I think I like that even less.”

 

“Mom, seriously?” said Danielle. “Let her have her friend. It’s only been a day.”

 

Heather scowled. “That’s my point! It’s only been a day and she’s already parroting what she hears her say.”

 

“It’s not like she said it as a swear word. She didn’t yell it while stubbing her toe. You asked her what she learned and she told you.”

 

“Danielle,” Heather said with a sigh, “Take Ella and go pick out a movie. I’ll join you in a minute.”

 

“Friend!” Ella repeated. “Friend!”

 

“Go!” Heather insisted. “I’m just going to clear the table.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Once the girls had left, Heather went to her purse and pulled out her cell phone feeling peeved the school had failed to mention what Ella would be exposed to in their care. She was young and impressionable! She scrolled through her contacts until she found Mrs. Hernandez and hit Send.

 

“Hello, yes, I’m sorry for disturbing you at home, but I was hoping we could talk. This is Heather Graceland, Isabella Marsh’s foster mom-”

 

“Oh, hi, how are you? I’m assuming you’re calling about the note I sent her home with today.”

 

“I’m calling about- wait, what note?”

 

“Oh, I sent it pinned to the bag with her soiled clothes.”

 

Great, thought Heather as she pinched her eyes shut and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. She didn’t tell me she brought home dirty clothes and now her backpack probably smells like pee.

 

“She had a bit of an episode this morning and I’m a little concerned.”

 

“What kind of episode? What happened?”

 

“Well it started when she had an accident in front of a few kids. She was understandably pretty upset, especially when a few of them laughed and made some inappropriate comments-”

 

“Was it Kaylee who laughed at her?” said Heather, cutting her off. “She’s actually the reason I called.”

 

“Kaylee Shepherd? What? No, quite the opposite from what their paraeducator told me. Jasmine said Kaylee sat with Ella while we had her lying in the changing room to rest. I heard she really calmed Ella down. The trouble had come after. Ella had fallen asleep, so we let her nap in there for a bit, and she seemed to have some kind of fit in her sleep.”

 

“Yeah, we’ve been trying to get to the bottom of that for a while now. My oldest shares a room with her, and says it’s been an ongoing concern in the months since we’ve had her.”

 

“Okay, so you are aware? Good, okay I just wanted to check and make sure she wasn’t having some kind of seizure.”

 

“No, nothing like that, we’ve had her checked. The doctor says it’s all psychological. It’s stemming from stress. We’re not entirely positive as to what, but we believe she sustained some kind of trauma in her past.”

 

“Oh, I see, and does that have anything to do with the toilet anxiety?”

 

“It’s not the toilet, but the bathroom as a whole, and yes, it does all seem to come together.”

 

“Is Ella being seen regularly by mental health specialists? If not, we do have resources to get her in touch with certain services.”

 

“Yes, I can barely keep track of them all! She has psychologists, psychiatrists, case workers, therapists. No one can really seem to get to the bottom of it. I keep pushing her forward so she has a better chance of catching up with other kids her age, but she still seems off from what a nearly 11 year old should be. I mean, I honestly can’t believe they’ve let these problems go on for so long! I never would have allowed Danielle to run around in pull ups at her age just because she was scared. At some point she’s just going to have to grow out of this. The doctors kept saying give it time, and i’ve given her plenty! I think it’s time I give her that final push. No more pull-ups, no more buckets. Sooner or later she’s going to figure out nothing’s going to hurt her. I think she’s ready.”

 

“I do have a suggestion, if I may?”

 

Heather narrowed her eyes, clutching the phone a little bit tighter. The silence hung thick in the air before Mrs. Hernandez spoke back up without a reply.

 

“If what I witnessed today is a result of exposing her to the bathroom; she’s not ready. That reaction wasn’t the result of a typical child being scared or anxious. From what i’ve witnessed first hand, and from what you’ve shared with me from the few times we’ve spoken, this is trauma. There is no quick fix, unfortunately. Making her face her fears when she is not ready may only serve to cause her more harm in the long run. While a typical person or child may get over their fears after being exposed to something that frightens them, a person with trauma may not. Something in Ella’s subconscious is telling her that whenever she goes in the bathroom her very life is in danger. ”

 

“What am I supposed to do? Keep her in diapers?” said Heather, sounding indignant at the very thought.

 

“Would that really be so bad?”

 

“Absolutely not! I will not have my nearly eleven year old with a perfectly functioning bladder and bowels, running around in diapers!”

 

“It’s only a thought. Limiting her exposure to triggering situations could lead to less flashbacks and improve her quality of life. Symptoms aren't appearing only in the restroom. Jasmine said even after only spending a single afternoon with her she could tell Ella is very anxious. She jumps at loud and sudden noises, and is hyper vigilant of her surroundings. She spends more time checking her surroundings than doing schoolwork, and any admonishment has her quick to tears. It’s common in children who have a history of abuse or neglect.”

 

“We don’t know if she’s been abused.” said Heather although she knew very well all signs seemed to point that way. Raising Ella seemed to come with one challenge after another. One week Ella would be scared of Heather’s mere shadow, the next Heather never got a moment to herself with Ella clinging to her like a baby possum.

 

On her clingy days, Ella would camp out on the couch, in the office, with her sketchbook and drawing supplies, while Heather worked on the laptop. Once Heather got off, Ella would follow her to the living room where they’d put on a movie and cuddle on the couch together. A week or two later, when Ella’s attention meter seemed to have been filled, she’d be off, either doing her own thing, or go with Danielle to soccer practice and play in the jungle gym.

 

Then the cycle would repeat itself and Ella would be attached at Heather’s hip as if she had never been shown an ounce of love in her life.

 

The therapist had also said that was a sign of trauma. She was cycling through stages of isolation, mistrusting anyone who got too close, then went looking for a “rescuer.” Heather had been confused at first. Ella had already been “rescued”, but the therapist explained what Ella was searching for was a relationship that made her feel safe. Heather tried her best, but the only one who seemed welcome during all her stages was Ribbit.

 

“She hates being wet.” Heather went on. “ She’s expressed to me before that she wants to use the toilet and be like normal kids her own age.”

 

“Well, one reason for that is she wears pull-ups, which are made to make kids feel uncomfortable so they take an interest in potty training. Another reason could be she is expressing interest because she knows that’s what you want.”

 

“We’ve worked so hard to get her to where she is though! I can’t just throw that away.”

 

“I’m not asking you too. I’m asking you to sit her down and ask her what she wants. You mentioned something about a bucket?”

 

“A camping toilet, yeah.”

 

“Maybe she’s perfectly fine with that arrangement. Maybe you just need to take one step back, not a full leap. We can always put a camping toilet in the changing room for her if need be. Just talk to her.”

 

“I’ll think about it.” Heather said. She had almost hung up before even discussing what she had called about in the first place. “What I wanted to talk to you about was Kaylee.”

 

“Oh? What about Kaylee?”

 

“Ella came home and dropped the F-bomb. She certainly didn’t learn it from us. I really don’t want Ella exposed to that sort of language. I hear she has some kind of thing.”

 

“I’m sorry, I can’t discuss private information involving the other students. We can certainly impress on Ella that whatever she may hear should not be repeated.”

 

“I really don’t want her around it at all. She seems like she might be a bad influence. I called to see about separating them.”

 

There was a long pause, and Heather wondered if her phone dropped the call.

 

“Is that what Ella wants? They seemed to be getting along well today.”

 

“No, and she’s not very happy with me, but I feel it-”

 

“Mrs. Graceland,” Mrs. Hernandez said, interrupting her. “While I can not go into the specifics of Kaylee’s condition, our school promises to be a safe space where kids with all disabilities can come to learn in a place where they feel accepted, understood and are taught with patience and respect. We also make it a point to teach students to accept the differences of others. We do not discriminate against our students. If Ella were to say she feels Kaylee is too much of a distraction to her learning, then I would consider moving their desks, but we will not forcefully keep them apart against their will due to a student having a certain kind of disability. We are happy to teach Ella, as we do all students, not to repeat what is overheard in her company, but as this is out of Kaylee’s control, I do not feel punishing her by taking away her friend is an appropriate course of action, do you?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Heather stood in the hallway feeling dumbfounded. That was not how she thought the conversation would play out. Instead of the school apologizing and having Ella moved safely away before she picked up on any new lingo, Heather had been the one to swallow her pride and apologize. Mrs. Hernandez had come to the defense of her student, and she had come swinging. Now she wondered if maybe she had jumped to conclusions about Kaylee after being told a second time how she had been there for Ella.

 

The phone call had also given her a lot to think about. Maybe she had been pushing Ella too hard too fast. What was the point of making Ella sit on the toilet if she was too scared for anything to even come out. Was she really just setting her up for failure?

 

Heather’s head throbbed just thinking about it. No matter what she did she seemed to make the wrong move. She felt like an armature chess player going up against a computer who would always win. She had gone to all the professionals, she followed the doctors orders to a ‘T’ and yet, here she was back at square one. Did she let Ella slide backwards or did she make her keep moving forward?

 

She cleared the table while lost in thought. Mrs. Hernandez’s words seemed to sting. “Is that really what Ella wants, or is Ella only saying it because she knows that’s what you want?” She had a sinking suspicion that was the case.

 

Heather spotted Ella’s backpack in the corner. She picked it up and opened it, relieved to find her soiled clothes sealed tightly in a bag trapping the odor with it. She spotted the note and pried it off.

 

Ella is showing an unprecedented level of anxiety when faced with using the restroom to the point she is physically unable to urinate. As a result, Ella had an accident on herself and the floor. While we welcome students in need of varying levels of personal care, we strive to limit students exposure to harmful bodily fluids. Due to Ella’s current mental state, we do not feel it is in her best interest to pursue her on file instructions of care without a doctor's written consent.

Until such time where more suitable arrangements can be made, please send Ella in more appropriate attire. Enclosed are a few garments to hold you over until more can be obtained. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call me.

 

- Mary Hernandez

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ella sat at her desk feeling confused. Heather had gone through the previous night acting as if nothing had happened. She had expected to be punished. Instead they watched movies until 9:30 pm where Heather sent her off to bed with a kiss to the forehead. This morning had been even more strange. Heather had come to wake her up later than usual. Instead of being dragged off to the bathroom half conscious against her will, she had been told to use her bucket.

Ella had wasted no time in this, eagerly bunching up her nightshirt as she sat on the seat behind her bed.

 

“Ella,” Danielle groaned from underneath her blankets. “Keep it down, you’re making me have to pee. Some of us have to get up and walk to the other end of the house.”

 

Like any good sister, Ella’s response had been to position herself in a way that made her stream as loud as possible.

 

Once she had finished, Heather had told her to lie back down on the bed. Without an explanation, Heather had then put her in a diaper before sending her off to school. Now she sat at her desk wondering what the hell just happened as she religiously swiped her hand behind her back to check if it was poking out.

 

Kaylee snickered and put her book away. “You’re just making it obvious.” Ella pulled her note book out of her backpack and began writing a response.

 

I think it’s because I’m in trouble.

 

Kaylee frowned as she read the note. “No one puts a kid in a diaper because they're in trouble. Mrs. Hernandez probably told your mom to after what happened yesterday. You were freaking out and I saw Jasmine putting some in your backpack.”

 

Ella realized that made a lot more sense than what she thought it was for. So I’m not in trouble for… earlier?

 

“Nah, happens all the time. There’s a rumor that you can’t graduate until you stain the carpet at least once. It’s like tradition or something. You just got it out of the way on your first day.”

 

Ella considered this before asking, So have you?

 

Kaylee seemed to lose her composure for a moment. “Don’t trust a fart on Taco Tuesday.”

 

Ella scrunched up her face in disgust before laughing. “Fuck!” Kaylee blurted out.

 

I got in trouble for saying that last night.

 

“Why’d you say that of all things? You don’t even talk much.”

 

Ella shrugged before writing, Heather kept making me talk. My throat was hurting and it was the easiest thing I could think of to say. Then she made me tell her where I heard it from and now she thinks you’re a bad influence. Ella thought this would make Kaylee laugh, but instead she seemed to deflate and Ella could tell Kaylee seemed hurt.

 

“Guess you shouldn’t talk to me then.” said Kaylee before giving her the cold shoulder.

Ella tried getting her attention, but Kaylee seemed to be looking everywhere but at her. What had she done? When all her written attempts had failed, she moved on to audible ones. When those had failed as well, Ella slumped down on her desk and rested her head in her arms.

 

“Good morning, class!” Mrs. Hernandez called out making Ella jump.

Kaylee let out a few barks before slapping herself in the face with one hand and swiping everything off her desk with the other. She let out an annoyed sigh as she watched pencils and paper scatter across the floor. She got up and began hurriedly collecting her things, but just when she grabbed the last elusive pencil, Kaylee would let out a yell and throw them. On the third attempt, while she was crawling under a desk, she had suddenly sprung up and hit her head with a loud thwack.

 

That seemed to have been her breaking point. She collapsed to the floor, clutching her head as she rocked back and forth. Ella had tried to help her, but Kaylee had moaned at her to stop and turned away from her. Ella stood helplessly by as Jasmine helped Kaylee to her feet and led her onto the table in the changing room to lie down before leaving to get some ice.

Still quietly wondering what she had done wrong, Ella picked up the scattered pencils and paper before sitting back down and setting them in a pile on Kaylee’s side. She could hear her writhing on the table and yelling an assortment of words and curses. She seemed to quiet down when Jasmine returned with ice. Ella had wanted to see if she was ok, but Jasmine had shut the door behind her.

 

Mrs. Hernandez had gone on with the morning announcements, picking up where she left off as if nothing had happened. When she had finished and excused the class to begin working on their assignments, Ella was forced to open her English packet on her own and start as Jasmine was still preoccupied. When Jasmine had finally emerged, Kaylee hadn’t followed.

 

“I see you started already, good job.” Jasmine said, taking a seat across from Ella.

 

Is she okay? Ella mouthed.

 

“She’s just having a rough morning. She wants to lie down until her head feels better. She’ll be okay.”

 

I made her mad at me. Ella wrote in her notebook. I said Heather called her a bad influence and now she won’t talk to me.

 

“So that’s what got her all wound up.” Jasmine said, more to herself. “Sometimes people say and do some not very nice things to Kaylee because of something they don’t understand. She gets punished for things that aren't her fault and it can be very frustrating for her. Nobody likes feeling unwanted.”

 

Ella dug through her backpack until she pulled out her sketchbook and flipped to the picture she had been working on this morning. “Friend.” Ella said, showing Jasmine the picture.

 

“Oh, Ella! Did you draw that?” Jasmine asked looking at the sketch of Kaylee in awe. Ella nodded and reached for her sketchbook, but Jasmine had picked it up and had begun flipping through the pages. “These are, wow! Where did you learn to draw like this?”

Instead of responding Ella made another grab for the book. If Jasmine kept going she would find her other drawings. Ella could see the moment Jasmine had gone too far. The look of awe was gone and in its place grew a worried frown.

 

She flipped through the back pages silently. Some were of herself, trapped by black vines holding her in place while words she associated with herself surrounded her. Worthless. Burden. Broken. Sick. Disgusting. Slow.

 

Another page had the words from her repetitive nightmares written over and over again, “Let mommy make it all better.” The final page held her most recent drawing in the back section. A sketch she had stayed up late drawing last night after waking with a fragment of memory previously lost to her. It was a doorway, and in that doorway leaned a blacked out figure. All except the face. With long stringy black hair and a pointed nose, he leaned in with tear filled and blood shot eyes. A face she hadn’t recalled being in her nightmare until last night. Her old soccer coach.

 

“Ella, who is this?” Jasmine asked, turning the page around.

 

Ella mumbled something that Jasmine had barely caught.

 

“The monster.”

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Going to make an account here just for this. I've read this all night, and I enjoy this so much. I like that's it not just pure fap material, and it actually has a story to it and better yet, one that doesn't have omo every five seconds of reading. Bravo to you. I love this series and I plan to continue reading it. I also want to thank you for actually researching about the anxiety, PTSD & the other disorders/illnesses the characters have in the class. Definitely a story I'm going to bookmark and continue reading until it's end.

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4 hours ago, oddyssey said:

Going to make an account here just for this. I've read this all night, and I enjoy this so much. I like that's it not just pure fap material, and it actually has a story to it and better yet, one that doesn't have omo every five seconds of reading. Bravo to you. I love this series and I plan to continue reading it. I also want to thank you for actually researching about the anxiety, PTSD & the other disorders/illnesses the characters have in the class. Definitely a story I'm going to bookmark and continue reading until it's end.

Wow thank you so much ^^ that means a lot to me. Most stories I post have some sort of plot to them, although I have done my fair share of fappy one shots lol 

 

I actually have a bad case of tourette syndrome in real life.  The tics in the story are things I have really said and done.

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I really need to learn to keep things to myself, Ella thought, sitting on the couch in the tiny windowless room of the family therapists office. She was smushed in the middle of Heather and Danielle on an uncomfortable brown sofa only meant for two people. Susan, the family counselor they had begun seeing, was flipping through the back of Ella’s sketchbook with an unreadable expression on her face. When she finally put it down, she addressed Ella first.

 

“So, Ella. why did you refer to this man as The Monster?”

 

Ella shrugged. She was done sharing. Everytime she opened her mouth, literally or figuratively, she found herself in trouble.

 

“Do you remember this man from somewhere?” she tried again.

 

In truth she had remembered him. He was her old soccer coach that didn’t get along with her mom. What she couldn’t understand was why his face had appeared in her recurring dream. No one else had ever been there before. Just her and her mom holding each other while her mom whispered those words. “Let mommy make it all better.” She wondered for the hundredth time why words that should have been soothing made her feel the pressure of the black vines reaching around her throat and chest. Usually that’s when she’d wake, gasping and crawling at her neck for air.

 

Instead of her nightmare ending there, her vision had gone black and she had reappeared in the bathtub. Then the monster, with long black tentacles for hands, had appeared in the doorway wearing her old soccer coaches face, and he was weeping. She wondered if she was putting too much thought into it. It was only a dream after all. At least that’s what she tried to tell herself. As much as she wanted to believe it was just a dream, she could remember bits and pieces of that night.

 

She had been getting sick. Violently. It had been one of her worst nights. Thanks to the recurring dreams, she could vividly remember the pain she was in. Her mouth hurt, her throat hurt, her stomach, her bones, her muscles. Everything hurt. She remembered pleading with the empty air to “please, make it stop!” followed by her mother's warm embrace and the whispered words. And then nothing.

 

Try as she might, that was the only thing she could remember before waking to find herself in the hospital an orphan. So then why did she now have the feeling her soccer coach had been there? Him of all people? It made no sense! She had so many more questions now that her brain had decided she was ready for a little more of the truth. Why was he there so late at night? Why was he there, period? Why was he crying?

 

“Let’s come back to that later.” Susan had said after realizing getting a response was futile.

 

“Heather, how are you and Danielle getting along?”

 

 

Coming to family therapy had been quite different than her other appointments. She kind of liked it, since it wasn’t all about her. Sometimes she just got to sit, listen and learn things about her new family she hadn’t known.

 

Some of the things Ella learned were eye opening. Like the number of miscarriages Heather had had before giving up and looking toward adoption. It took nineteen miscarriages before they had discovered abnormalities with Heather's uterus, along with precancerous cysts in her ovaries, which led to an early hysterectomy in her 40’s. There lied a large portion of Danielle and Heather's conflict. When Charlie had first mentioned the change, Ella had thought he had been referring to her. Ella now understood she was not the driving wedge between them. Menopause was. It was nice to know Heather’s wild mood swings had not been brought on by the stress of Ella’s arrival.

 

Besides Heather’s failed attempts at having another child, Ella heard the truth to a question that had been nagging at her from day one. Why Ella? The answer had been so simple she wanted to slap herself. It was Ella, or it was nothing.

 

The wait to adopt an infant was years. Ella didn’t know if Heather just had the world's worst luck, or the stars were just aligning themselves in a way to keep Heather from having a baby at any and all cost, but every match had seemed to fall through at the last minute. Whether it was the agency deciding another family was a better fit after months of planning, or a mother deciding, after holding her newborn baby, to not give it up for adoption afterall. It was one disappointment after another.

 

Heather’s plan had then been to foster a baby instead, that was until she learned it was not a permanent placement. The thought of getting attached, and then having to say good-bye quickly put a stop to that idea. She had almost given up on the idea of raising any more kids when she had come across a picture online of an adorable, albeit sickly, looking five or six year old girl sitting alone in the hospital. A phone call later revealed that Ella hadn’t been a kindergartener at all, but nearly a ten year old!

 

 

Heather wasn’t looking to take in an older child, she already had one teenager and that was enough. She was about to turn her down, but the woman on the phone kept insisting she come down and meet her. “She is just the sweetest thing! She’s just so quiet and shy!”

The first trip, Heather had driven down by herself. She was shocked by what she saw. She was so tiny! Were they sure she was really ten? If she hadn’t been led in by Rose, she would have assumed she had walked into the wrong room.

 

 

“She’s had a hard life.” Rose had told her after their visit. “Her mother died in the middle of her treatments and she’s been alone ever since. Now that she’s in remission, we’ve done all we can for her. What she really needs now is a family.”

 

That had been the first time Ella had learned the truth. Ella hadn’t been chosen over all the other kids. She was the only kid. A part of her felt like she should feel hurt, but deep down she had known it to be the truth all along. She really had been the last doll, broken and alone, sitting on an otherwise empty toy shelf.

 

Another thing Ella had learned was the true motivation behind the sudden push of getting rid of her bucket. It wasn’t that Heather thought Ella was ready, it was that Danielle was still pissed and Susan had seemed to have taken her side. According to Susan, Danielle had every right to be upset. Not only had she lost her room, but she had been expected to put up with the sight and smell of someone using her space as a restroom. The bucket had to be moved. Instead of moving it, Heather had taken it upon herself to wean Ella off of it. This had been met with a scolding both Ella and Danielle had secretly relished.

 

The only people Ella fully opened up with were Jasmine and Kaylee. If Ella had known everything she shared was being put in her file and sent to Heather, Ella may not have trusted her so much. As for Kaylee, It had taken time, but she had opened up about why she was so upset. It had apparently not been the first time parents had tried to separate her from their children. Adults seemed to see her as an infectious disease there to ruin their babies innocence. Kaylee had pointed out that the kids in question, whose parents worried for their innocence, had never been all that innocent to begin with. They had just seen her as a scapegoat.

 

The girls had quickly made up, and soon the two were connected at the hip. Kaylee had always lent her an ear, or in Ella’s case eyes, when Ella needed to vent her frustrations, whether it be schoolwork, homelife, or Brian’s ever growing taunts at her. If there was one drawback to befriending Kaylee, it was it that it had put her on Brian’s radar.

 

 

“Worth it.” Ella had said one afternoon when Kaylee had apologized for the upteenth time for drawing a target on her back. If there was one thing Kaylee seemed to do more than tic, it was to apologize. It hadn’t taken long at all for Ella to notice Kaylee wasn’t nearly as confident as she had pretended to be on day one. By day three, she was certain that her story about making money by purposefully shouting obscenities at Mrs. Garcia had been nothing but a lie. Kaylee shrank at the woman's mere presence, and the times she did shout, her words were accompanied by such complex movements, Ella had a hard time believing those had been purposeful.

 

 

After prodding her day after day, Kaylee finally cracked and the truth had come out. She had never faked her tics, not even once. The rumor had been spread by none other than Brian.

“From what I heard, he had been caught reaching into my desk.” Kaylee explained. “I always had my lunch money in it. He got caught trying to steal, but he said he wasn’t taking money, he was giving it to me as payment for calling Mrs. Garcia a-well, I don’t remember the actual thing, but they started getting suspicious as to why I always had money.”

 

Don’t you always buy stuff from the vending machines here though? Ella had asked.

 

“Yeah, but apparently they never noticed before. I have this thing called echo-lala, or echo-something, it makes me repeat what I hear. Brian told the other kids that if they repeated stuff a bunch of times, I’d say it too. They started making a game out of it. They’d follow me around repeating crude things over and over until I ticced it. It got to the point when I’d get stressed, out they would come, and well, Mrs. Garcia stresses me out.” Kaylee said with a shrug of her shoulders. “She’d walk by, and my brain would decide, ‘now would be the perfect time to hit the playback button’.”

 

Didn’t you tell anyone?

 

“I didn’t understand that I couldn’t control it at the time. It was still kind of new to me then. I didn’t used to be like this a few years ago.”

 

Me neither. What happened?

 

“I don’t really know. I don’t remember being like this back in Texas.” Kaylee explained as they sat on a pair of open swings and gently rocked back and forth. “We moved here, I went to a new school, and then a couple weeks in… I don’t know. It felt like something was inside me trying to get out. I had to move. I had to yell. If I didn’t it would just keep getting worse until I thought I was gonna blow up or something. It started with movements, then noises, and then I was yelling whole words and phrases out of the blue! I started yelling words I had never said in my life! I must have spent a whole month grounded and in detention before we finally figured it out.”

 

Were you scared?

 

 

“A little bit. I think I was more angry since no one believed me.”

 

How did you end up here?

 

“I got kicked out of my old school. I kind of… kicked a guy in the nuts for picking on me. Worth every bit of trouble I got into for that.” They both giggled at that. “What about you? Who was that guy you drew in your book and why were they freaking out about it?”

 

 

It’s just a dream.

 

“Must be one scary dream to make you scream like that.” Ella cocked her head to the side in confusion. “On your first day, you fell asleep and started screaming, ‘MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!’ We were surprised because they said you didn’t talk.”

 

I do sometimes, it’s just hard. Heather makes me talk at home. It’s just faster if I write it.

 

“Who is Heather?”

 

My foster mom. She’s kind of like a mom, but…

 

“Wouldn’t calling her mom be easier than Heather? Like at home since she makes you talk. If you needed to get her attention.”

 

Ella shook her head. She’s not my mom.

 

Despite having lived with them for a few months, the thought of calling them “mom” and “dad” had never crossed her mind. Everything still felt so temporary. She felt like she was intruding on their family, and she was the outsider. Except for Danielle that was. They had pretty quickly fallen into the roles of sisters by going out of their way to annoy each other whenever humanly possible. When Danielle made the room smell like nail polish remover and left her toenail clippings on Ella’s side of the room, Ella retaliated by losing a few colored pencil shavings in Danielle’s bed sheets.

Maybe that’s why Ella liked her so much. It didn’t feel like Danielle walked on eggshells around her.

 

They sat in silence for a moment before Kaylee asked the question that seemed to be on everyone’s mind since she came here. “Why are you scared of the bathroom?”

 

She thought of giving her typical answer, a shrug of the shoulders and nothing more, but she liked Kaylee. She pondered how best to explain.

 

It hurts my chest. I can’t breathe and everything kind of starts to go black. Besides, these are way comfier.

 

Ella jumped up and landed back down on her butt for emphasis. Kaylee giggled. She hadn’t been thrilled about being reintroduced to diapers again, but they had quickly grown on her. They almost never leaked like the pull-ups always had, and they didn’t immediately become super uncomfortable to remind her of her indiscretion.

 

The doctor said I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

 

“What’s that?” Kaylee asked, plopping down next to her in the sand.

 

Something bad happened, but I don’t remember what. The bathroom triggers some kind of episode. All I know is I woke up in the hospital unable to talk and found out my mom died. I’m not really sure what that has to do with the bathroom though. I lived there for a couple years before Heather brought me here.

 

“That’s...that’s insane! I’m sorry! I hate the hospital! It must have been horrible to live there.”

 

Ella shrugged. Some of the things were. The sickness. The loneliness. All the nights she woke up alone crying for her mother, only to remember she was gone. A lump formed in her throat. She didn’t like thinking about that time. She referred to them as “the first three”. They were the first three months after her mother died. When she woke up sick from the chemo, there were no hands to comfort her. No words of encouragement or hope, only the incessant beeping of machines.

 

Then Ella remembered something else; something darker than just loneliness. Her own mortality. At one point she had been told the chemo wasn’t working. She was supposed to have died.

 

She couldn’t remember the conversation, but she remembered the room she was in, with the medical textbooks in the bookshelf and the framed diplomas on the wall. Her mother was wailing and yet, Ella couldn’t stop staring at those diplomas, with the fancy cursive writing. What an odd thing to be so transfixed with when you were being told you had six months left to live. Why had somebody gotten an award from something called Dartmouth? What in the hell kind of a sport was that?

 

Ella laid down in the sand and stared up at the clouds. She had come such a long way from then. She had beaten the odds. She had beaten cancer.

 

A single tear escaped the corner of her left eye, racing down past her ear and into the sand. She hadn’t been alone. Not really.

 

A different memory played in her mind's eye. The one and only time Rose had been really

mad at her.

 

 

Rose had been trying to get her to eat, but Ella kept refusing. Her body kept rejecting everything it received.

 

“You need to eat something, Ella!” Rose had been trying to spoon feed her applesauce after seeing the untouched meal for the third time that day. Ella just sat there, motionless, staring at the wall lost in her grief. Rose let out a defeated sigh and dropped the spoon. “You need your strength to get better. Don’t you want to get better?”

 

Just let me die.

 

That’s when Ella suddenly found herself inches from Rose’s face, her note crumpled is Rose’s clenched fist. There was a look in her eye’s Ella had never seen before that scared her more than an incoming phlebotomist pushing their cart into her room.

 

“Now you listen to me, little girl! You are not going to die! No, look at me!” She grabbed Ella’s face in her hand as she tried to look away and forced Ella to meet her eyes. “You are going to wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and you are going to keep fighting. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to be fun, but you are going to get better!”

 

The next thing Ella knew, she was being scooped up in a single sweep of Rose’s arm and set back down on Rose’s lap as she sat on her bed. Ella let her face fall on the woman’s shoulder, no longer able to contain the emotional storm that had been brewing inside her for days. She bawled into the woman’s scrubs as Rose gently rocked her back and forth, occasionally stopping to rub the top of Ella’s bald head. With every fallen tear, drip of snot and anguished wail, she could feel the terror, rage, and numbness slowly ebbing away. Ever so faintly she could feel a new emotion she hadn’t felt in months. Peace.

 

“We’re going to get through this, Ella, you’re not alone.” Rose whispered, before kissing the top of her head and laying the now half asleep girl in bed.

 

Ella’s heart ached at the memory. She knew Rose was just doing her job, but there was a certain...closeness she had felt with Rose that wasn’t there with Heather. No matter how many times Ella got in Heather’s lap, or wrapped her arms around her, she always felt so far away, no matter how physically close they were.

 

There was something else about that evening, hadn’t there been? Hadn’t Rose turned away a late night visitor? She had been mostly asleep at that point, but she had the vaguest sliver of a memory of a man standing in her doorway holding a vase of flowers. The vase had been there sitting on a table next to her when she woke up with a handwritten note.

 

It’s going to get better now.

 

She had originally thought they had been from Rose, but now she wasn’t so sure. What did it matter? It had been over a year ago. Who cared who they were from? But still... Something nagged at the back of her mind. Something about those words seemed so familiar.

It came to her all at once. She knew where she had heard those words! She let out an audible gasp and shot up to a sitting position. Her dream!

 

His lips had been on hers. She had been lying on her back looking up at him. He was crying when her eyes made contact with his.

 

“It’s going to get better now, Ella! It’s all gonna get better!”

 

Why was he there? Why had he been kissing her? She knew she needed to tell someone this time… if only she could remember his name! He had been there that night! She was sure of it! All she had to do was ask him what happened and it would all make sense! She needed to find him!

 

She ignored all of Kaylee’s questions as she continued to rub her lips. She jotted down what she knew on a piece of paper and tore it out. She would give it to Jasmine later. Maybe she could help her find him.

 

“Ella, could you come here?” Mrs. Hernandez called from upstairs. Ella frowned. Was recess already over? She looked to Kaylee who shrugged and yelled something provocative about donut holes.

 

Ella brushed herself off before climbing the steps, mentally running through any and everything she could possibly be in trouble for. When she stepped inside, she was surprised to find a bouquet of flowers waiting for her on her desk along with a small Amazon box. Upon closer inspection, all the personal information had been crossed out with a black marker. She examined the flowers, multicolored roses surrounded by white Baby’s Breath. She picked up the card and read:

 

Happy Birthday, my little artist.

 

Her heartbeat with excitement. Her birthday wasn’t until tomorrow, but she was already getting gifts? She hadn’t had a real birthday in over two years! She eagerly opened the box and her mouth dropped as she pulled it out. It was a tablet specifically designed to plug into a computer to draw with. She couldn’t believe the school had gotten her this! It looked really expensive too!

 

“Th-thank you!” she managed to get out. Her wide smile faltered a little when they looked at her puzzled.

 

“A man dropped that off for you in front of the building a few minutes ago. He just rang the doorbell and left it.” said Mrs. Hernandez. “Next time, tell your foster dad he’s welcome to come in and leave it at the front desk so it doesn’t get stolen.”

 

Ella felt her stomach tighten as she shook her head. Charlie wasn’t even in the state today. He wouldn’t be back for three more days.”

 

They frowned when Ella explained in a note.

 

“Then who?…” Mrs. Hernandez said. “Wait here, I’m going to go talk to the front desk.”

Ella’s concerns quickly vanished as she opened up the tablet and began setting it up. She had almost forgotten about Mrs. Hernandez until she, followed by the lady that worked the front office, were in front of her desk.

 

“Ella, can you watch this video and tell me if you recognize this man?”

 

She looked up to find a cell phone in front of her, and video from a Ring doorbell security camera loading on the screen. She pressed play and watched as a familiar face bent down, dropped the items, and walked away without looking back. She had only seen his face for a split second, but that was all it had taken, before a name she had struggled to remember flashed through her mind. Coach Stanley Virtamin.

 

She no longer needed to find him. He had found her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Heather hung up the phone and sat on the couch too stunned to even process what had just happened. It had been Ella’s school and Ella had just passed them a note confirming all of their worst fears.

 

Her blood was boiling as she was beginning to let the words sink in. The school had informed her they had already called the police before reading her the contents of the note. One line kept replaying over and over in her head.

 

I was lying on my back and he was kissing me.

 

Every word was like a knife wound in her chest. She was lying on her back and he was kissing her. The 38 year old man was kissing an eight year old girl with leukemia on the mouth…

What if Ella’s mom hadn’t committed suicide after all?

 

Heather was seeing red as a new theory was beginning to take shape.

 

She had caught him molesting her daughter…

 

I was lying on my back

 

She stood up and screamed into the empty living room.

 

He was kissing me

 

All she could see was Danielle. If Danielle had gone through everything Ella had, wouldn’t she be just as screwed up?

 

“Ella… no wonder… the bathroom...had it happened there? Had it kept happening there?”

 

She threw her phone into the couch. He had followed her here!

 

He better pray the police catch him, because if she saw him. She’d kill him.

 

She picked up the phone again, took a deep breath and made one more phone call.

 

“Hi, Rose. It’s Heather. She remembers.”

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Ella had only had ten minutes alone with the tablet. Ten minutes! She had been completely transfixed by the brightness and colors of its loading screen, before it had been unceremoniously yanked from her grasp. At first she thought it had been Brian. Elle was already prepared to bite him if necessary, but it hadn’t been him at all. It was Mrs. Hernandez. 

 

“I’m sorry, Ella, but we think this might be unsafe for you.” 

 

“No, it’s mine!” Her words sounded a lot more like “Mr. Mime!” but her reaching hands made it perfectly clear she wasn’t giving it up without a fight. It wasn’t fair! It was hers! What did they think it was going to do, blow up?

 

She sat in stunned disbelief as she watched Mrs. Hernandez set it into a drawer in her desk.  Ella was crushed. Her mood kept cycling from anger, to sadness, before finally settling on a slim ray of hope when Kaylee suggested maybe she just couldn’t have it at school.

 

“Maybe it would make the other kids jealous or something. They’ll probably give it to Heather  once school’s over.” Kaylee had said once Ella had filled her in. Ella’s mood lifted considerably after hearing this. It made sense. Maybe they thought Kaylee would accidentally throw it at her and that’s why they thought it was unsafe for her. She looked at the clock. Just four more hours until she got it back. She had almost been able to calm herself down and focus on her work when something completely unexpected happened.

 

There was a knock on the classroom door and in walked two police officers. Everyone stopped what they were doing and gaped at them. The room fell silent. Ella looked on with interest. Were they having some kind of presentation? Oh! Did they bring their dog with them? She had seen cops with dogs before.

 

 She looked around eagerly as they talked quietly with Mrs. Hernandez by the door. She was a little disappointed when she peeked through the gap in their legs and didn’t see a dog, but any presentation was better than doing word problems in math. 

 

“I hope they taze someone.” Kaylee whispered. “I hope it’s Brian.”

 

“Kaylee!” Jasmine admonished.

 

“What? He’ll live!” Jasmine just shook her head and got up to see what was going on. The four of them whispered amongst themselves. They now seemed to be asking Jasmine a lot of questions.

 

“Hey, since you don’t talk, does that mean you have, like, super hearing?” Kaylee asked. Ella raised an eyebrow and gave her a puzzled look. “What? I heard if someone loses a sense, their other ones get stronger. Like if you were blind or something…” Ella just gave her another puzzled look and shook her head.  The only thing “super” being partially mute got her was super annoyed. 

 

There was a heavy air of disappointment when Mr. Hernandez pointed down the hall and the cops turned around and left. 

 

“Bummer.” Kaylee said. “I thought something interesting might happen.” Ella was about to agree with her, but then Mrs. Hernandez spoke. 

 

“Ella, could you pack up your stuff and come with us? Your mom’s waiting for us in the conference room.” 

 

Ella felt her mouth go dry. She could hear the excited chatter around her. Was she the reason the cops were here? Her fears were confirmed when Mrs. Hernandez reached into her desk and pulled out the white tablet. 

 

Ella had a silent conversation with Kaylee that consisted of wide eyes, shoulder shrugs and shakes of the head. Once she was all packed, she gave Kaylee another fearful look before following Mrs. Hernandez and Jasmine out the door, around the corner and into a conference room. There seated at the table was Heather and the two police officers from earlier.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

By the time they let Ella leave, her hand was cramping from the amount of writing they had made her do. They had so many questions that never seemed to stop. Who was the man in the video camera? Why was he leaving her gifts? Did she know he was in town? 

 

She wrote all her answers down as best she could on a piece of paper. Yes, she knew him from soccer, and no, she didn’t know he was in town. Why was he leaving her expensive gifts? Because it was her birthday? 

 

Then the questions took a different turn. Had he ever touched her? Yes. Had he kissed her? Yes. Where? On the lips. Was she standing, sitting, or laying down? Laying down. Was she clothed or naked? Naked. Did he touch her other places? Yes. Did he touch her chest? Yes. Did he touch her anywhere lower? Yes. Where? He had bandaged her ankle when she had sprained it during a match. Had he touched her any other times? Yes, he had given her hugs before. Did he touch her butt when giving her hugs? No, why would he touch her butt? 

 

The questions just kept going and going. Heather had grabbed her hand under the table and given it a squeeze. 

 

“You’re so brave.” Heather had said. Ella didn’t feel brave. She only felt confused. 

 

They started asking her questions about the night her mother died. 

 

Was he there that night? Yes. Was she sure? Yes. Was he touching her that night? Yes. Is that when he kissed her and touched her chest? Yes. Was he being gentle or rough? Rough. Did she see a gun? No. Did she have guns in the house? She didn’t know. Did she hear a gunshot? No. What was the last thing she remembered her mother doing? Giving her a bath. What time was that? A little after 10 pm, she had gotten sick on herself. Was it possible he had given her something to make her sick? No, she was always sick around that time. Why? Chemo. Was he in the room with her when she was getting a bath? No. Was he there earlier that night or had he just shown up? She couldn’t remember.

 

There were many questions she couldn’t answer, like exact times, dates, names. They wanted information from her on an event her brain wouldn’t even let her have access to. She was the one who wanted answers about that night! They should go ask him! They informed her they were doing just that.


 

“Is he cooperating? Has he admitted what he did to her?” Heather asked. 

 

“As soon as the night in question was brought up, he shut down and demanded a lawyer. Questioning will resume later this evening. This is why we need your daughter’s statement. If we can’t charge him with a crime within 48 hours we have no choice but to let him go.” One of the officers said. 

 

“Let him go? So he can go out and assault other children!? He took advantage of a very sick 

Eight year old! Not only did he follow her out here, but look at what he left her! He’s still grooming her.” Heather showed him the tablet. “I googled what this is! This isn’t some cheap knock off, this is a Wacom Cintiq! It goes for nearly $700 on Amazon! How isn’t that proof enough? Do you think soccer coaches just go around leaving $700 gifts to old teammates?” 

 

“We’d actually like to take a log that in as evidence. If he is stalking her, there’s a chance he bought this for the purpose of spying on her. There are ways to tap into a camera on an electronic device remotely.”   

 

They began asking more questions, things like what she did online and if she had given anyone she didn’t know her new address. Ella shook her head. She wasn’t allowed on-line. Heather and the officers continued to talk while they made Ella fill out a written statement of everything she remembered. It had felt like hours before they seemed content with what information they had collected. 

 

Ella nursed her cramped hand while they packed all of her signed statements into a folder. She was even willing to attempt verbal communication if it meant not picking up another pencil for the rest of her life. 

“I want to be there.” said Ella. It came out a garbled mess. The officers looked at each other as if to ask Did you catch that, before looking to the others for clarification.

 

“Absolutely not!” Heather nearly shouted. “You are not getting within ten miles of him let alone ten feet.” 

 

Ella felt frustrated. They had put her through all that, and Heather wasn’t going to let her go. She had so many questions that needed answers!

 

“We don’t think that would be a very good idea.” The female officer looked at Ella and gave her a sympathetic smile. “We want to keep you safe. That’s our number one priority.” She then looked up at Heather. “We do have an idea if you want to hear it.” 

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Heather didn’t like this. Heather didn’t like this one bit. She walked the steps to the courthouse, fiddling with the wire as she did so. The cord for the microphone ran up the inside of her blouse and rested underneath her shirt collar. At least she wasn’t doing this alone. She looked at Rose, who seemed to have an eerily similar look of doubt plastered across her face.

 

As soon as Heather told Rose she had learned they had him in custody, she had grabbed her husband and they had driven non-stop through the afternoon. She had barely made it out of the car when she had been lured into their crazy plan by the police. Ella didn’t even know she was in town. 

 

“You ready?” Heather asked.

 

“No.” Rose responded. “What makes them so sure he will talk to us over them? He will probably just feed us a bunch of bull shit.”

 

“I know, but they want to get him talking before his lawyer gets here, off the record.” Heather did air quotes around “off the record”. They were just supposed to be concerned caretakers wanting to know what happened to Ella that night. They wern’t supposed to ask anything related to sexual abuse, they were only to ask questions as if he was an innocent bystander. Pfft, innocent, Heather thought. It was a good thing Rose would be there with her, otherwise she might be tempted to rip his head off right then and there. She needed someone there to pay her bail if she hit him. 

 

“Isn’t this illegal?” Rose asked. “I thought you needed consent to record someone or else it’s inadmissible.” 

 

“It is, they just want to play it back to him and trick him into confessing.” 

 

“You would have to be pretty brave, or pretty stupid to admit to molesting a girl to the girls’ family. I don’t know what they think we are going to accomplish.” 

 

They checked in at the lobby and pinned their visitor badges to the front of their shirts. Heather’s heart was beating out of her chest. Her clothing was beginning to stick to her body from sweat. There was no way she could just act like they were having a friendly chat. 

 

Heather and Rose followed the male officer down a hall and into a visiting area. Heather peeked into a window and saw him sitting alone in a large room of tables. He was wearing normal street clothes with a visitor badge and looking at his phone. He wasn’t even cuffed. 

 

“I don’t understand. I thought he had been arrested.” Heather said. Rose agreed. She had been under that impression too. 

 

“No, ma’m, he is here voluntarily. He was only asked to come in for an interview today. He can leave whenever he wants.” 

 

Heather and Rose exchanged worried looks. 

 

“What about all that about holding him for 48 hours?”

 

The officer looked confused. “I don’t know anything about that. He was only asked to come give a statement.”

 

So they had either lied to her, or didn’t know what was going on. Neither thought was very comforting. The last thing Heather wanted to think about was incompetent police, but the thought that they had lied to Ella filled her with rage. 

 

When they had been led into the waiting room, with its faux wooden tables and vending machines that reminded her of a break room, the man briefly looked up. 

 

“Are either of you my lawyer?” He asked, looking hopeful. 

 

They had this all planned out, but the moment she locked eyes with him, her speech seemed to fail her. She hadn’t expected him to look so...so...ordinary. It wasn’t like she was expecting him to scream, “child predator” but he looked like your run of the mill dad you’d see at a park pushing his kid in a swing, or a dad getting stuck playing chaperone on a school field trip to a group of hyper-active girls. 

 

The blurry footage on the security camera with its finger print smeared lens, had made him look downright sinister, but as he sat there with his long black hair pulled tight in a neat bun and a maroon, buttoned down, long sleeved shirt tucked into black slacks, he looked genuinely out of place in a prison. It made Heather all the more angry. How many parents had he fooled? How many innocent kids had he lured in? 

 

“No, sorry, we’re just waiting for someone.” Rose said.

 

He let out a disappointed sigh. “I just want to get this over with.” He mumbled to himself as he tapped anxiously against the table. He seemed to take in Rose for a moment as if just noticing her. “You look familiar.” 

 

“I was about to say the same thing about you.” she replied.

 

Heather was impressed. How Rose managed to keep her composure and sound friendly was beyond Heather, when Heather herself was fighting every impulse to tackle him to the ground and gouge out his eyes with her thumbs. 


“Where do I know you from?” His brow creased in confusion. “Do you have any kids? Do they play sports? I’ve coached several youth leagues over the years.” 

 

Heather had to resist the urge to ask if along with coaching several leagues, had he also molested several children as well? She decided that it might be better to let Rose do the talking. She walked over to the vending machines, feigning indifference to the conversation. The first hurdle was over, they had made contact and he seemed willing to chat.

 

“None of my own, but i’ve treated my fair share of sports injuries, sprained ankles and broken bones mostly, but every once in a while I’d see a bad case of heat exhaustion in the summer. I hope you remind those kids of yours to drink plenty of water.”

 

He smiled weakly and nodded his head. “I try my best to keep them from drinking those sports drinks and sodas, but you know kids, they think they're invincible. Common sense seems to go in one ear and out the other.”

 

“I once treated a kid, who after seeing spider-man, decided to pick up a black widow with his bare hands in order to get superpowers.” Rose said. They both cringed. 

 

“Are you a doctor?”

 

“Pediatric nurse, I worked the emergency room for 15 years, but the last handful have been spent in long-term care. Those are the kids with blood diseases, severe birth defects, and...cancer.” His eyes suddenly flashed in recognition.

 

“Do you happen to work out of Loma Linda?” 

 

“I did, did you-” she paused and squinted her eyes for show. “You said you coached kids soccer right? I do vaguely remember an entire team, jerseys and all, piled into a single room.”

 

“Guilty.” he said with a slight smile. “So sad.” He muttered more to himself.

 

“Was it cancer? Or…?”

 

“Yeah, leukemia.” he said, wringing his hands together. “Such a sweet girl. She didn’t deserve that, no one does.”

 

Heather glared at the assortment of snacks trying to hide her anger and thought, she certainly didn’t deserve you.

 

“Do you remember her? I mean, I’m sure you’ve dealt with so many kids it must be hard to remember a particular one, but her name is Isabella.”

 

“Can i join you?” Rose asked motioning to the empty seat at his table.

 

“Please,” he said. “I could use the company; I’m a little nervous. By the way, I’m Stanley, but you can call me Stan.” He extended his hand and Rose shook it.

 

“Rose, and yes, I remember Ella. She was someone very special to me.”

 

“She was special to me as well.” Both women clenched their fists. “I should have taken responsibility for my actions when I had the chance.” Heather felt a wave of satisfaction as she watched him choke back a sob. The guilt was eating him alive. Maybe they could get a confession out of him after all. Heather had expected Rose to push the issue further, but her response surprised her.

 

“I regret my actions too.” Rose admitted. “I’ve regretted them everyday.” Now it was Rose’s eyes that were watering.

 

“What happened?” he asked after realizing Rose was not going to further explain.

 

“She’s gone through so much, first the cancer, and then her mother’s death. My husband and I were planning on taking her in if this other family fell through. I didn’t realize how much I regretted giving her up, until I saw her walk out the door holding someone else’s hand.”

 

“You were?” Heather asked, turning around. “Why didn’t you?”

 

“I honestly thought you’d flake like all the others.”

 

“How do you know Ella?” He asked, looking from Heather to Rose. “Are you a nurse as well?”

“I’m her foster mother.” Heather said through gritted teeth. He seemed to perk up at this.

 

“You are? How is she? Did she get my gift? I couldn’t get in, so I had to leave it out front.”

 

“Yes,” Heather said, venom dripping from her words. “The police have it now.”

 

“Why would the police have it?” He cocked his head to the side in confusion.

 

“Why did you give her that? That’s an awfully expensive gift to be giving a former team member.”

 

“Well, the thing is, she’s not just a team member to me, I just really wanted to make it up to her. I know It can’t make up for the past, but...” 

 

“Damn straight it can’t make up for the past, you sick pervert!” Heather said, no longer able to control her outrage. “You think you can just buy her a toy and she’ll just forgive you for molesting her? She’s traumatized because of you?”

 

“Wait, what?” He looked horrified. “What are you talking about? I would never! Why would you even think that? Did she say she was molested by someone? Hasn’t she gone through enough already? Please, tell me she wasn’t assaulted like that!”

 

“Both of you, calm down!” Rose said. “There’s obviously been some kind of miscommunication.”

 

“Why would you say that?” Stan asked Heather.

 

“You were the one who was going on about how you were ashamed of your actions!”

 

“Yeah, but I was referring to something else! I would never touch her! I would never do something like that… to any of the kids! Especially not my own daughter!” 

 

They stared at him in shock. Did he just say…?

 

“You’re Ella’s father?” Rose asked. “Where have you been? Does she know?”

 

“No, I only figured it out not that long ago. I had a one night stand with a stranger in another state about 12 years ago, never saw her again, but then who should show up one day? Mystery woman dropping her daughter off for practice, and damn did she look a lot like my other daughter, Gracie. Did the math and yeah…” 

 

“If you didn’t assault her, then why does Ella remember you kissing her?”

 

“What? I never kissed her!” He said scrunching up his face. 

“She says she remembers you on top of her, kissing her and touching her chest.” Rose explained.

 

His face fell and his eyes filled with a deep sadness.

 

“I guess to a kid it would seem that way.”

 

Rose stared at him for a moment before her eyes opened wide. “It was you! I had assumed it was the paramedics.”

 

“Maybe it was them, they would have done a better job anyway. I’ve only practiced on dolls before. I was too scared of hurting her more than she already was.”

 

“Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” Heather asked.

 

“What Ella remembers isn’t what we thought it was.” Rose said. “He wasn’t kissing her, he was giving her mouth to mouth.”

 

“And you believe him?” Heather asked, still sounding skeptical.

 

“There was bruising on her sternum and ribs consistent with CPR injuries. I had assumed it was the work of first responders, but if it had been them, bones would have been broken. There’s a saying in the medical field, ‘If you’re not breaking bones-”

 

“‘You’re not doing it right.’” He finished.

 

“Was she in the bathtub?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I thought so, she must have fallen asleep and gone under and-” Rose began, but the coach cut her off.

 

He looked up, his eyes now shining with fresh tears that spilled down his face. “No, that’s not what happened! It’s worse than that! It’s so much worse! It’s all my fault!” He was bawling now, head down in his arms. “I had to stop her! She was going to...and then she… there was so much blood and I panicked!” 

 

They listened quietly, horror struck by what they were hearing as he told them what happened that night. He was right. It was so much worse than they had dared to imagine. 

 

Now Heather and Rose stood alone in the dark empty parking lot leaning against their cars.

 

“What do I do? What do I tell her?” Heather asked. She hadn’t smoked in fifteen years, but now she was craving a cigarette. 

 

Rose shook her head. “We can’t tell her.” she said, barely over a whisper. “The truth will destroy her.”

 

“We’ll say she fell asleep in the bath. Her couch found her while he was visiting her mom, pulled her out and gave her CPR. That’s why she remembers him kissing her.”

 

“And her mom’s death?” 

 

“When CPR failed, she thought Ella was dead. She was so distraught she took her own life.”

 

“Do you think she’ll believe it?”

 

“She’ll have to. There’s no way we can tell her the truth.”

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It was the sound of Danielle’s laughter that had awoken Ella from her nightmare. Her eyes were damp with moisture and her nightshirt clung to her body from sweat. She pulled the thin blanket over her head and cried softly into her pillow in frustration. Why? Why was she still having nightmares? Had she really expected everything to just magically fix itself overnight just because she learned the truth?

 

Heather had sat her down late last night and shared the good news. It was all a big misunderstanding. He hadn’t been kissing her, or groping her. He had been trying to save her. It had all been an accident. She had passed out in the bath from exhaustion and had almost drowned. Her mom had been so sure of Ella’s demise she had taken her own life.

 

“You see, honey, your mother never left you. She never would have abandoned you while you were going through all that. She thought you were already gone.” Heather said. “Now that you know the truth you can finally get some closure. Nothing scary happened in the bathroom after all, well I shouldn’t say nothing scary. You almost drowned, and I bet that was terrifying for you, but nothing in there is going to hurt you. I bet now it will start getting easier for you.”

 

Was that really what happened? She thought of the feeling in her chest everytime she went in there. Doctors had kept telling her it was an anxiety attack, but was it her mind remembering? Is that the sensation she feels? Drowning? Yes, now that she thought about it, it did feel like she was drowning. Her lungs always ached and her chest burned as she struggled for air.

 

She felt kind of dumb now that she thought of it. It made sense. All this time she had been afraid of pooled water because she had almost drowned. The bathtub was full of water. The pool was full of water. The toilet bowl was full of water. It didn’t seem so scary now that she could pinpoint the problem.

 

So did that mean it would go away? Did it mean she could do it now? Could she just waltz into a bathroom now? Could she just keep reminding herself the bathtub was empty? And what about the toilet? Who drowns in a toilet? What were even the chances of that happening?

She let out a nervous gulp. She could go test her theory now. Her diaper was only a little wet, most likely from sweat. She had to pee, but she fought back the instinct to just go in the diaper.

 

Two weeks ago, Heather had made Ella a deal after discussing it with the therapist. Ella wasn’t ready to face her fears. Even Heather had to admit exposing her had only seemed to aggravate her symptoms. They would take a step back for now and put Ella in diapers, and in a month's time, they would try again and see how she did. If they had to retrain her bladder, then so be it.

 

There were only two conditions. First was Heather’s number one rule. No poopy diapers under ANY circumstances. She either had to hold it until she got home and use the bucket, or face the restroom. The other condition was she cleaned and changed herself.

 

There had been one day, and one day only when Ella had tested rule number one. Looking back, even Ella had to admit she had been a brat that day. She was grumpy about being dragged from store to store so Danielle could get new clothes for school. There was nowhere for her to sit and It had felt like they had been in the mall for hours! They went to the Gap, then Target, then H&M, then back to the Gap. By the third trip to the Gap, because Danielle couldn’t make up her mind between a pair of shorts from them or a pair of capri’s from Urban Outfitter, Ella was pissed.

 

No matter how much she complained she was tired and wanted to go home Heather wouldn’t budge. Heather still insisted they’d be done in a minute (A fact she kept repeating every twenty minutes for the last two hours) Ella decided to take matters into her own hands. A half baked plan had formed in her head, and in a defiant and desperate attempt to go home, she had purposefully pooped herself. Heather knew it was no accident, Ella had made sure of that by straining.

 

Ella had gotten her wish. They had gone home. She had felt smug at first with her victory, despite her inner monologue screaming in disgust as she now had to sit in it for the duration of the car ride home. After being hosed off in the backyard and led back to her room, it was there that Ella realized she had made a terrible mistake. She had not expected an introduction to a certain white, hard plastic cooking spoon. Heather, it seemed, didn’t care if Cps found red welts on her behind that day.

 

“Why did you do it?” Heather had asked, once she had finished spanking any residual defiant feelings out of Ella. “You had one rule!’

 

In between sobs, she did her best to explain. It had taken a while, but Heather finally understood.

 

“If you needed to stop and rest that badly you should have told me!” Ella wanted to throw her hands up in frustration, but she had lost the will to fight. She HAD asked. And begged. And pleaded. She had done everything but held a large banner and danced in front of her.

 

Heather sighed when Ella turned away from her signaling the end of the conversation. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget you’re not normal.” Heather immediately cringed and tried to take it back, but the damage had been done. No amount of, “I didn’t mean it like that’s” could take it back and their relationship had taken another hit. Heather had only been referring to Ella’s stamina level, but it had come out the wrong way. With her back turned to her, Ella didn’t see the tears rolling down Heather’s face.

 

Ella wiped her face and stretched. That had been weeks ago, and in kid years, it was practically eons. They had never talked about it again, but Ella noticed Heather checking in on her more often when they were out of the house. She had even rented Ella a stroller when they had returned to the mall to finish shopping. It was kind of embarrassing at first, and it was a tight fit, but it was leagues better than walking until she felt like she would pass out.

One hour in and she had even fallen asleep, despite being partially buried in clothes.

 

Danielle laughed again and Ella poked her head out. Danielle was watching TikTok videos on her phone. Ella was only mildly jealous Danielle got the internet on her phone and she didn’t. She could text and make phone calls, but other than using it for typing words she couldn’t say, it was more of a paperweight. Heather usually held on to it for her when they went out since Ella’s pant size was too small for it to fit in her pocket without risking it falling out.

When Danielle noticed Ella was awake, she motioned for her to join her.

 

“Look look, I swear this is how mom wakes up in the mornings.”

 

Ella waddled over and watched the short clip. It was of a redheaded woman sitting up in bed. She yawned, and stretched before saying, “I’m gonna be a bitch today!” Ella chuckled along with Danielle. She sat on her bed and the two of them watched videos together. Ella usually enjoyed anything to do with cats and art, while Danielle liked silly dances. She had even managed to get Ella to dance with her on a few occasions for a video. Danielle wasn’t allowed to upload them, but she enjoyed making them. Even Ella had to admit she had had fun when they played with the face filters together.

 

“Mom has a surprise for you in the living room.” Danielle said. Ella raised an eyebrow, but Danielle would say no more. When Ella got up and headed for the door Danielle stopped her. “You can’t go out for another half-hour though, I’m supposed to keep you distracted until ten.”

 

Then why tell me?

 

“Because I can.” Danielle said with a grin.

 

Ella scowled. So much for her test of courage. Oh well, she thought as she re-joined Danielle. If she was going to wet her diaper afterall, her sister's bed was as good a place as any. She laid down as close to Danielle as possible and rested her head on Danielle’s shoulder before smiling up at her.

 

“I don’t trust that look for a second.” Danielle eyed her suspiciously. Ella only smiled wider and let out a content sigh. It took her a second to realize what Ella was doing. “No! No! No! Get off my bed! Do that on your side of the room!” Ella decided to take it a step farther and pin Danielle down by sitting on her stomach. “Get off me! Get off me! EWW! It’s all warm!” Ella cackled while Danielle pushed her off.

 

Ella went back to her side of the room as Danielle shivered and hugged herself, clearly now traumatized. Ella laughed as she retrieved her changing supplies. She threw a towel on her bed and sat down before emptying her bladder for real this time. She hadn’t really peed on Danielle, but she was in no hurry to console her. Once she was finished, she untapped it and slid it out from under her.

“Why do you wear those now?” Danielle asked. Ella looked up to find Danielle watching her. “Doesn’t it feel gross?” Ella shook her head and cleaned herself up before taping on a new one.

 

The pull-ups were way worse, at least these don’t leak. She texted Danielle once she had finished everything. It was weird at first, but you get used to them pretty fast.

 

“I’ll take your word for it.”

 

She had actually been quite horrified when the school had told her to wear diapers, but she had been surprised to find the pros out weighed the cons. While less discreet than pull ups, she found them to be much more comfortable. She didn’t have to worry about them leaking either. She could sit at her desk all day and her butt would never get sore. She also found she had far less anxiety attacks during the day. Even Heather had commented she had seemed less uptight. Is this what normal people felt like when they didn’t have to worry about every time they had to pee?

 

She pulled her night shirt off and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as Danielle changed as well. She wondered what surprise Heather had for her. Her hopes weren’t really high. Her last few birthdays had been very uneventful. Despite her low expectations, she found herself checking the time every couple of seconds. By the time Heather called down the hall for them, Ella was pacing the floor.

 

Ella made her way down the hall, and peeked her head around the corner. She could hear voices talking in the kitchen. There were people here, but who? She slowly stepped out and took a step in their direction when a hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder.

 

“RAH!” yelled the male voice. Ella spun around and in the process, managed to trip over her own feet and fell on her butt with an audible, “poof”. When her heart finally stopped racing she looked up at the source of the noise. It took her a second to recognize him without his usual tan jumpsuit. Her eyes widened in shock. It was Pedro from the hospital! What in the world was he doing here?

 

“Did I scare you?” He laughed as he offered her a hand up. She nodded too stunned for words. “Still as quiet as ever, aren't you?”

 

“Oh, you leave her alone!” Another voice said. No...way... She didn’t want to believe it in case she was wrong. She turned around, shock still evident on her face. “Happy birthday, honey.” Ella ran and threw her arms around Rose’s waist nearly knocking the coffee out of her hand. She laughed and thanked Heather who took the mug from her, before Rose bent down and hoisted Ella up in her arms. “Ohh! I missed you so much!”

 

“Me too!” Ella said, throwing her arms around Rose’s neck.

 

“There’s that sweet voice I’ve been hearing so much about!” Ella didn’t think her voice sounded very sweet. It still went in and out switching from high to low. Her classmates often referred to her as, “prepubescent.” She found it rather embarrassing and she still wrote her replies when she could get away with it. Right now though nothing mattered. She giggled as Rose spun her around.

 

“You’re getting so big! Heather, what have you been feeding this kid?”

 

“Oh you know, I mix a couple scoops of Miracle Grow in her food when she’s not looking.”

 

“You must be! I don’t remember her being so heavy! And look at all that hair!” Rose exclaimed. She waved a hand through Ella’s full head of curly black hair.

 

“Gee, I see how it is, Ella. You scream when you see me, but when you see her, you run into her arms.” Pedro said. “She’s the big bad scary nurse with all the needles. I’m the one who snuck you all that candy. I thought we had something special!”

 

“That’s what you get for being a gilipollas and scaring her.”

 

Pedro feigned hurt. “Can you believe her? Do you know what she just called me?”

 

Rose ignored him. “You remember my husband, Pedro?” Ella’s eyes widened. She looked from Rose, then to Pedro, then back to Rose.

 

“Since when?”

 

“Oh, since about 30 years ago.” Rose chuckled. Ella’s mouth fell open. She had no idea they were married.

 

When Rose set Ella down, she eagerly pulled her all around the house on a small tour. She

showed Rose her half of the bedroom, some pictures she had drawn, and introduced her to

Ribbit. When she showed her the front of the fridge in the kitchen, Rose let out a chuckle. It had been a running joke in the house when they saw how well Ella could draw. They had hung up a couple of sketches with magnets. One was from Ella, another from Danielle and one by Charlie, each with their name and age. Ella had made a realistic rendition of Ribbit’s face while Charlie and Danielle had made stick figures that kind of looked like cats...if you squinted hard enough.

 

“So when’s Leslie and ...every one coming.” Danielle asked.

 

“They’re meeting us there.” Heather said.

 

“Cool! Ella’s going to love it.” Danielle said.

 

Ella looked from Danielle to Heather. “Love what?”

 

“It’s a surprise.” they both said in unison. She stared at them in confusion. She thought Rose was her surprise. What could top her?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ella stared wide eyed and open mouthed in amazement. She couldn’t believe such a place even existed, let alone she now possessed an all day pass for everything. There were video games, tunnels, trampolines, ball pits, slides, laser tag, go-carts, mini golf, a bowling alley, a blow up obstacle course. Her brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend everything there was she could do. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any better her eyes locked onto a familiar face. Kaylee.

 

“I think she’s in shock.” Danielle said.

 

“How?” Ella asked as Kaylee and what appeared to be her mom and older sister approached.

 

“I was right, she is Leslie’s sister.” Danielle said. “Since mom already knows her and her mom, it was easy to convince her your friend wasn’t some diabolical juvenile delinquent there to steal your innocence. She talked with her mom on the phone and they worked out the details.”

 

“Happy birthday!” Kaylee said grinning. “It was so hard to keep this from you yesterday! GOAT CHEESE!”

 

Ella’s face was already hurting from how much she was smiling today. Not only did she get a day to play in a place that looked like child heaven, but her best friend was here too! She ran and gave Heather a hug.

 

“Thank you!”

 

“You’re so welcome, now go have fun! I have your things here if you need them.”

 

The four of them took off without another look back.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

“Thanks again for inviting us!” Olivia said. “I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me to see Kaylee getting invited to these types of things. I was so excited when I heard she had made a friend at school.”

 

Heather felt a pang of guilt. Her reaction had not been so pure.

Heather, Rose, Olivia, and Pedro sat on the bench reserved for their party.

 

“Hi, I’m Olivia, I’m Kaylee and Leslie's mom.” She shook hands with Rose and Pedro.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Rose and this is my adult child husband Pedro who is currently drooling over the arcade.” Pedro snapped back into the conversation.

 

“I like shiny things.” Pedro admitted with a shrug. The others laughed.

 

“Fine, go.” Rose said with a roll of her eyes and a playful shove. He quickly bolted leaving the three women to talk. She turned her attention back to Olivia. “I am really happy as well Ella has made a friend.”

 

“Are you her grandparents?” Olivia asked and Rose laughed.

 

“No, my husband and I just retired from the hospital Ella had been staying in. I was her nurse for a couple years, and Pedro was an Environmental Specialist. We’re thinking of moving in the area.”

 

This was news to Heather. She bit her lip. Ella would be ecstatic. She had never seen her so happy or talkative as she had been when she saw Rose. Heather felt a pang in her chest as she thought about what Rose had said last night. They had been planning on taking her in. Rose had the training to care for Ella in ways Heather could not. Would she have been better off with Rose and Pedro? Rose and Ella seemed to have a bond which Heather feared she would never have. She loved Ella, but it seemed she was making the wrong move at every turn.

 

Rose had warned her of the difficulties of taking in a special needs child, but she had brushed her concerns off. She kept comparing her to a typical 11-year-old and Ella was the one paying for it. Now after hearing what had happened to Ella in her past, she knew she could never give her the kind of care Ella truly needed. She knew inside that if she truly loved Ella, she would have to let her go.

 

So last night, after they had learned the truth, they had sat down and talked it over. After the party and the excitement had died down they would ask her and let Ella choose. She could stay here and continue to be a part of their family, or she could go with Rose. She had been let down by so many people in her life, she didn’t want Ella to feel she had abandoned her too.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When the group had made it back to the table for lunch, followed by cake and ice cream, Ella was exhausted. She had never in her life had so much fun. They had played tag in the tunnels, chased each other with laser guns, jousted, jumped on the trampolines, swung on a rope and landed in a pile of foam blocks.

Her only disappointment had been when they told her she was too short to drive a go cart. Kaylee had stayed behind with Ella while their sisters went on ahead and joked about what catastrophic thing might happen if Kaylee had gotten behind the wheel. Kaylee and Ella both mimicked large explosions with their hands and tallied a possible body count. They had both laughed hysterically when Danielle crashed through the plastic barricade and the whole race had to be stopped so they could fix the track.

 

After that they had gone on the bumper boats. Ella was thrilled when she got to drive one. It had taken a few moments to figure out how to steer it, and Kaylee laughed as they spun in circles in the water. They were both soaked by the time they got off after having fallen victim to Leslie and Danielle tag teaming them from both sides.

 

Now she laid out on the bench holding her stomach. She had eaten too much pizza and ice cream. Reality had come and given her a wake up call. Her tummy wasn’t used to so much junk food and now she desperately had to go. She was mad at herself. The fear was still there, she was still stuck in the same place. Learning the truth had done nothing. Tears slid from her eyes in frustration. She couldn’t think of a single way this could end well for her. She wasn’t ready to leave! She wouldn’t even make it home. She doubted she could even make it to the car. It had come on fast and strong like it had the day they had brought her home. She didn’t want her perfect day cut short and end with her getting spanked by a plastic spoon.

 

“What’s the matter, Ella?” Heather asked, bending over her. Rose was standing next to her too. Ella cringed and answered truthfully. She begged Heather not to punish her or take her home yet. Heather didn’t look pleased, but she didn’t seem angry.

 

“What’s wrong, Ella?” Rose asked.

 

“She has to go number two.” Heather said. “Usually that means I have to take her home since she won’t use the restroom.”

 

“Why?” Rose asked curiously. “Did you not bring any spares?” She bent down the waist of Ella’s shorts to see what she was wearing.

 

“There in the bag but…” Heather said. “We have a rule about no poopy diapers, if she wants to stay and play she has to be a big girl and use the restroom.” Without a word Rose picked up the bag before flinging it over her shoulder.

 

“C’mon, Ella, let’s go to the truck.” She pulled her up by the hand.

 

“I can’t make it home.” Ella whimpered.

 

“I’m not taking you home.” She lifted Ella up in her arms and whispered. “We can handle a little messy diaper, can’t we.” Rose said. Ella blushed and let herself be carried to the parking lot. She set Ella back down and Rose unlocked the bed of the truck. “Come lay down on the blanket when you’re done.”

 

Ella didn’t need to be told twice. She felt a rush of both relief and revulsion. When she felt her stomach had finally calmed down, she gingerly climbed in and laid down horizontally on the blanket near the edge. She felt grateful for the camper shell giving her a bit of privacy as Rose began gently stripping her down. It wasn’t very comfortable, but she didn’t care.

 

“Did she really still think this is a choice you make, despite everything you’ve been through?” Rose asked, more to herself than to Ella. “On your birthday even, just because she doesn’t want to clean you up.” Ella could tell Rose was mad, but her hands were as gentle as ever, and she never made disgusted noises like Heather did. “Your clothes are all wet, what have you been doing?” Rose asked, turning her attention to Ella.

 

Ella told her about the bumper boats and Rose laughed. “I’m glad you’re having so much fun.” Once she was clean, Rose taped a new diaper on and helped her into a dry change of pants. Ella sat on the bed of the truck and let her legs dangle and Rose joined her. “Do you feel better now?”

 

Ella nodded, but worried it would happen again. Rose seemed to read her mind. “Come get me if you need another change.” I remember a certain little girl's stomach being relentless at times. Come here,” She lifted Ella into her arms and cradled her there. “I’ve missed you so much.” Rose whispered before she began to hum softly.

 

“I missed you too.” Ella closed her eyes and rested her head against Rose’s chest. She had missed this most of all. Rose had a way of making all of Ella’s anxiety melt away. “I don’t want you to go.”

 

“Come back with me.” Rose said. Ella shook her head. She didn’t want to go back to the hospital! Rose sighed.

 

“I meant back inside.” Rose lied. “Your friends must be missing you.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Ella thought she could die happy. This had been the best birthday ever. They had gotten back home a little after 8 p.m. and she was exhausted. When Rose had sat down on the couch, Ella had eagerly climbed into her lap and had nearly fallen asleep the moment her head hit Rose’s chest.

 

Now they were shaking her awake. She moaned in protest, she didn’t want Rose to go!

 

“Ella, we need to talk, this is important.” Heather said.

 

Ella clung on to Rose tighter. She wondered if she was in trouble for breaking the most important rule. Twice. Lunch really hadn’t agreed with her.

 

“You’re not in trouble.” Rose whispered and Ella relaxed her grip. “We just wanna talk.”

 

“Do you like living here?” Heather asked after a moment of silence.

 

Ella nodded, feeling confused. She suddenly remembered what Rose had asked her and began to cry. They were sending her back to the hospital! She buried her face in Rose’s chest and sobbed.

 

“Tell us what you’re thinking.” Rose said. She rubbed Ella’s back, but the girl refused to turn around.

 

“You. Want. To. Get. Rid. Of. Me.” Ella managed to choke out.

 

“No, Ella, I want you here, but most importantly, I want what’s best for you. Do you understand? I might not be what you need right now.” Heather admitted. “I don’t have the...experience to give you the kind of one on one care you deserve. This is entirely up to you. If you want to stay here you are welcome to. You’ll always have a place here. We love you, but it’s because we love you that we’re asking you. Do you want to stay here with us, or do you want to go back with Rose?”

 

How could they ask her if she wanted to go back? What about school? What about Kaylee? And Danielle? And Ribbit?

 

“No hos-hosp!” She couldn’t get the word out! Suddenly she felt Rose’s arms squeeze her tight.

 

“No, honey. When I asked you if you wanted to come back with me, I didn’t mean come back to the hospital.” Rose said. Ella looked up at her. Then what had she meant? “Pedro and I would like to know if you’d like to come be part of our family?” Ella’s eyes went wide. She studied each of their faces carefully. Were they serious?

 

“You don’t have to give us an answer tonight.” Heather said.

 

“We’ve talked it over. We don’t want to uproot you from the friends you’ve already made and make you start all over again. We found a house in the area we’re interested in, so if you wanted to stay close by and keep going to the same school, you can.”

 

“And you can come visit us anytime.” Heather threw in. “This isn’t good-bye.”

 

Ella looked back up at Rose. Were they really serious?

 

“I don’t want to lose you again.” Rose whispered so only she could hear. “I’ll never replace your biological mom, Ella, but I don’t want us to be nurse and patient anymore, I want us to be mother and daughter. I love you, diapered butt and all.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

10 Years Later

 

“Look who’s finally old enough to drink!” Danielle cheered, lifting up her wine glass in the air. “The baby of the group is finally legal!”

 

“Like being underage ever stopped her before,”Kaylee said.

 

Ella snickered, taking a sip from her margarita. “Uh, you didn’t hear that, mom.” Ella said.

 

“La la la la la.” Rose said, covering her ears.

 

“Luckily, we had such nice older sisters who snuck us beer.” Kaylee said.

 

“La la la la la.”

 

“Shh, guys. You’re giving my mom the wrong impression.” Ella said. “She thinks I’m a good girl.” she whispered.

 

“Ha! I knew you were trouble the moment you took off streaking down the hospital corridor.” Rose said. Danielle choked on her wine.

 

“Eat Shit!” Kaylee yelled, before barking.

 

“No one’s going to take our orders if you keep telling everyone to eat shit who passes by us.” Leslie said.

 

“Oh, remember that time she threw a taco across that mexican restaurant, and it hit that dude in the face.” Danielle said. “He had guacamole and sour cream all over his cheek.” The group laughed.

 

“So have you guys set a date yet?” Ella asked. “You’ve been engaged since you finished high school.”

 

“We’re waiting until I graduate college.” Kaylee said, wrapping her arms around the man sitting next to her. “Right, Brian?” Ella groaned as they kissed. “Don’t be jealous, Ella.”

 

“I still can’t believe you two of all people ended up together. You guys hated each other when we were kids.”

 

“What? I don’t remember that?” Kaylee said.

 

“How could I ever hate you?” Brian asked. They kissed again. Ella made retching noises.

 

“Keep that up and you lose your spot as my Maid of Honor.” Kaylee threatened. Ella just laughed.

 

“What? I’m your sister! I should be your Maid of Honor.” Leslie said.

 

“And she’s my best friend.”

 

“Ella, is it true your thinking of applying to Dartmouth?” Danielle asked.

 

“Thinking about it, I’m not sure yet. I can’t decide if I want to just stick with my B.a. when I graduate or go for my masters. The thought of taking on any more student loan debt is like ehh.” She pulled an imaginary noose around her neck.

 

“Why Dartmouth though? In-state universities are so much cheaper.”

 

“I don’t know, it’s just a thought. Something about that school has always stuck with me. Must be something from when I was a kid.”

 

“Ella, come with me! I have to go to the bathroom!” Kaylee said, prying herself away from Brian.

 

“Huh, oh sure,” she said. She stood up a little too fast and stumbled over her feet.

 

“You’re such a lightweight,” Kaylee teased. “Do I need to carry you there?”

 

“Careful! She bites!” Rose called out. Heather and Rose both snickered.

 

Ella sat on the toilet and pulled her phone out flicking through all the “Happy Birthdays!” on facebook while Kaylee talked about work from the next stall over. There was a notification about a new episode from her favorite true crime podcast having been released. She’d listen to that tonight when she got home. She had been looking forward to it all week. The host had hinted it was one of those bizarre cases and those were Ella’s favorite. She loved the weird ones.

 

As she was washing her hands in the sink she stared at her reflection. She still looked young for her age. She could tell the waitress had a hard time believing her ID was real. She was short at a mere 5’1. Kaylee’s 5’7 reflection towered over her. Most everyone towered over her.

 

She took in the bathroom as Kaylee dried her hands. Wasn’t there a time she had been scared of them? Why was that? She couldn’t really remember. Wasn’t it something to do with water? She remembered the reason, but it didn’t really make sense to her. Looking back it seemed silly.

 

“Was I really scared of bathrooms?” Ella asked Kaylee as they were headed back to the table.

 

“Oh gosh, I forgot about that. Yeah, don’t you remember how we met? You peed on the rug in front of me your first day.”

 

“I did not!” Ella said. “Oh, god, I did. I remember!” She buried her face in her hands.

 

“Remember what?” Brian asked.

 

“Ella’s first day at school when she peed on the rug.”

 

Brian chuckled. “Oh yeah! I remember that.”

 

“Oh so that you remember.” Ella groaned, shaking her head.

 

“Oh! Are we roasting Ella for her birthday? I want in!” Danielle said. “There was that time when she lived with us and she pooped in the litterbox and tried to pass it off on the cat! Mom freaked out and took our cat to the emergency vet, along with the poop. $250 later and we learned there was no way that came from a cat.”

 

The group roared with laughter and Ella continuously banged her head against the table.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

“Did you have fun tonight?” Rose asked as Ella collapsed on the couch.

 

“Yeah, thanks for dinner, mom. It was nice to get to see everyone again. It’s been awhile since everyone’s been in town.” She gave her a hug before getting up. “I think i’m going to go to bed early tonight. I’m tired.”

 

“Okay, goodnight sweetie. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, mom.”

 

Ella kicked her shoes off, shimmied out of her jeans, and stretched out on her bed. She scrolled through facebook for a few minutes, before clicking on the new podcast episode and hit play. She set her phone down on the nightstand, closed her eyes and listened.

 

“Now this week's episode is a little controversial. It contains crimes against children, so if that makes you uncomfortable you might want to skip it.” The female host warned. “Now if you’re still tuned in, do I have a story for you.’

 

“Thirteen years ago, police were called to an apartment building by a man claiming to be a concerned neighbor. He said he heard, what to him, sounded like a gunshot and would they please come and do a welfare check.

 

When Police get there, they are shocked at what they find. A woman is lying dead in the master bedroom from what appears to be a self inflicted gunshot wound. So they continue their search of the house, when suddenly one of the cops yells from the bathroom. There on the floor is what appears to be the body of a small child, but after a quick check they discover to their amazement, she has a pulse. They quickly call in an ambulance and rush her to the hospital, only for doctors and hospital staff to know exactly who she is.”

 

“So her name was never released to the public, so for the sake of the story, let’s just call her Kelly. Now Kelly was a very sick little girl. She was constantly in and out of the hospital, was severely underweight, and to top off everything, had terminal cancer. That’s why police were so shocked when they found a pulse. By all accounts she looked dead.

 

When Kelly finally wakes up, doctors are stumped. She can’t remember a thing, and more bizarrely, she can’t talk. From what I’ve gathered this was a really friendly, talkative little girl even despite her circumstances. So after discussing how she was found with police, doctors thought given her severely weakened state, it was perfectly plausible she had accidentally fallen and hit her head.

 

Police quickly shut the case and rule her mothers death a suicide. Police figure she had walked in the bathroom, found her daughter unconscious in the bathroom and thought her dead, just as police had. In her grief, she had taken her own life. The gun had been found lying next to her after all. Pretty open and shut case, right? Well that’s where you'd be wrong.

 

Now this is where this case takes a sudden twist. It’s not until two years later that police get a phone call from a school for kids with special needs. It’s a school a six hour drive away, and one of the teachers begins to talk about one of her students. The student in question is Kelly and she’s starting to remember bits and pieces of that night, and what she has to tell police will throw everything they thought they knew about her mother's death right out the window.

 

So Kelly tells them she remembers a man being there that night, and even stranger, that it was the same man the school caught on surveillance that very morning leaving a very expensive gift, for none other than Kelly.

 

Kelly identifies the man as Stanley Vertamin, a previous sports coach she had before she had gotten ill. Police quickly track down Stanley in town and bring him in for questioning, and there he admits everything.

 

According to Stanley, he first met Diane Marsh nearly 12 years previously in Las Vegas. They get to talking, and he invites her up to his room, and she agrees. He says they have consensual sex and she leaves. They have a one night stand and neither of them ever expects to run into each other again, but little did they know they would cross paths nine years later in a completely different state.

 

Stanley Vertamin is now working as a kids soccer coach and he notices one girl in particular looks stunningly like his daughter. They have the same build, the same eyes, the same black hair. When he sees who comes and picks her up the truth hits him like a ton of bricks. He recognizes her immediately as the woman he had had an affair with all those years ago and quickly does the math. The girl looks like his daughter, because she was his daughter as well.

 

Stanley approaches Diane and she admits that yes, she had gotten pregnant after their affair. She tells him though not to worry, she wasn’t coming after him for child support, and meeting him here had only been a fluke. She tells him basically just go on with your life, pretend this didn’t happen, and just treat her like any other kids on the team. Stanley quickly realizes he can’t do that. He finds himself giving Kelly extra pointers and keeping more of an eye on her than anyone else on the team.

 

It’s while he’s been watching her that he begins to notice a drastic change come over her. Instead of her usual energetic and bubbly personality, she seems to always be tired. She has this overall unhealthy look about her and she always seems to be covered in these big nasty bruises. In Stanley’s mind, he immediately thinks the worst. He suspects Diane has been abusing Kelly, and he needs to step in and stop it. He confronts Diane after practice one day and Diane is pissed. She immediately pulls Kelly off the team and tells her she has to stay away from him.

 

Things begin to take a turn for the worst and she begins to notice a change in Kelly too. At first she thought the bruises were from playing sports. You know, she’s a kid and kids fall and get hurt all the time, but even after Kelly stops playing soccer, all she wants to do is sleep. Diane knows something is up now and takes Kelly to the doctor. She starts to think Kelly has mono, or she’s anemic, or something minor along those lines. What she was not expecting was to be told Kelly has leukemia.

 

When rumors of Kelly’s condition reaches Stanley, he immediately gets in touch with Diane to apologize and he rounds up the whole team to come visit Kelly in the hospital. They all sign a big, giant get well card and bring her flowers and such. It’s then that Stanley notices Diane looks awful. She’s clearly stressed, she’s lost weight, she looks exhausted. He keeps asking her how she’s doing, but Diane just puts on a brave face and says they're managing.

 

It didn’t take long at all before Diane had completely gone through her savings to pay for Kelly’s treatments, and the bills just kept piling up. She had had to quit her job in order to take care of Kelly, and It had gotten to the point where Diane was having to make choices about what bills she paid. Did she make the car payment or did she pay rent?

 

Then came the worst news imaginable that no parent wants to hear. Kelly’s treatments were not working. It was starting to look like there was nothing more they could do. This round of chemo was about to finish up in a couple weeks, and doctors were telling her that once it finished, she should probably just keep Kelly home and try to make her as comfortable as possible. At the rate her cancer is spreading, doctors give her an estimated six months left to live. Diane is understandably crushed. She’s a single mom desperately trying to hold it all together for her daughter.

 

A few more weeks go by and Stanley says this is where she runs into Diane and Kelly again. He notices their car run right through a red light and he follows them home to make sure everything’s okay. He gets out of the car and knocks on the drivers side window. That’s when he notices Diane is just sitting there spacing out of the window. She’s not responding to him at all, so he opens the door and is startled to find Diane just sitting in a pool of urine just staring at nothing. He debates calling 9-1-1 but Diane kind of snaps out of it a little. She’s still clearly not ok according to Stanley, but she is making eye contact and talking.

 

Relieved, he helps her inside only to find their apartment is an absolute disaster. It looks like no one’s cleaned in months. He puts both Diane and Kelly to bed, and does what he can to try and tidy up a bit. He picks up all the trash, does the dishes, vacuums. It’s not great, but it was certainly better than how he found it. While he was picking up, that’s when he noticed all the past due notices for just about everything, and worse an eviction notice for two weeks from then.

 

That’s when Diane comes back out. She looks a lot better than before and whatever had happened, she seems to have snapped out of it. She is surprised to find him in her living room. So he tells her what happened and how she was acting strange. She’s shocked. She didn’t remember any of that. Stanley insists Diane go to the hospital and get checked out, but she refuses. She keeps insisting she’s fine and admits she’s been under a ton of stress. She hasn’t been sleeping because she’s been up most nights with Kelly when she gets sick.

 

He makes a deal with her. He promises to spend the night on the couch and look after Kelly so Diane can get some sleep. In return if he doesn’t feel she’s at tip top shape she has to go to the doctor. Diane agrees and thinks maybe she just needs a good night sleep after all. She feels totally fine. He orders them all dinner, and by 7pm Kelly says she’s going to bed. By 9 p.m. Diane says she’s going to. She brings Stanley a blanket and pillow and thanks him for all the help. He lays down on the couch and falls asleep.

 

When he awakens around 11pm, he hears strange noises coming from the bathroom. He figures that must be Kelly getting sick and rushes over to help. Instead, what he finds makes him absolutely freeze in his tracks.

 

The weird sound wasn’t Kelly getting sick. The sound was Diane holding Kelly underneath the water while she repeated over and over “Let mommy make it all better.”

 

Kelly is fighting and thrashing in the bath and the sound of splashing water seems to snap Stanley out of his shock. He rushes to Diane and tries to pull her away from Kelly, but she is completely fixated on drowning her daughter. It takes all his strength but he finally wrestles Diane away, only to find Diane once again in a complete trance like before. That’s when he notices what’s in Diane’s hand. A gun.

 

At this point Stanley realizes Diane has completely snapped. There is no waking her up from this. She just keeps repeating, “Let mommy make it all better.” She has gone into a completely dissociative state and Stanley realizes it's her or them. He charges Diane and manages to push her back into the bedroom where she drops the gun. He picks it up and sure enough Diane keeps ignoring him and going after Kelly. If he wants to save Kelly he has to act now, and that’s when he pulls the trigger.

 

He drops the gun and runs to Kelly. He finds her floating facedown in the water motionless and he’s terrified he’s too late. He pulls her out of the bathtub and onto the floor where he begins chest compressions. Just when he’s about to give up hope, she begins coughing up water. He does his best to reassure her, but she goes unconscious. Satisfied she’s breathing at least, he goes to check on Diane and that’s when he realizes what he did. He finds her bleeding from a shot to the side of the head and begins to panic. She’s clearly dead and he knows it doesn’t look good for him. So he wipes the prints off the gun and sticks it by Diane. He checks on Kelly one more time before calling 9-1-1 pretending to be a concerned neighbor and takes off.

 

Stanley is at first charged with one count of first degree homicide, one count of felony tampering with a crime scene and one count of felony child endangerment. Later the charges of first degree homicide are reduced to manslaughter and Stanley pleads guilty in order to avoid dragging Kelly through the stress of testifying at trial. He was sentenced to 15-25 years in prison, but three years into his sentence he was killed by a fellow inmate during a fight.

 

Some people see Stanley as a father who did what needed to be done in order to save his daughter’s life. Others see Stanley as full of shit. Some people theorize that when Diane was desperate for money, she threatened to tell his wife about Kelly, and he snapped.

 

Unfortunately, we only have Stanley’s version of events and whether true or not, he is facing his just rewards in the afterlife.

 

So what do you think happened?”

 

Ella turned off her phone and sat there motionless for quite some time.

 

Let mommy make it all better.

 

“No! That couldn’t be what happened!” but she knew it was true. She had never told anyone those words before. She numbly stood up and went out to the living room.

 

Why?

 

“Hey, I thought you said you were going to bed.” Rose said. One look at Ella’s face and she knew something was very wrong. She stood up and went to her side. “Ella, what’s the matter? Talk to me.”

 

“You lied to me.” Ella said.

 

Rose sighed and led Ella to the couch. There was no point in playing dumb. Rose knew she’d learn the truth eventually.

 

“Yes, we lied.” Rose said as she held Ella’s hand in hers.

 

“Why?” the numbness and shock were beginning to wear off and the truth was starting to set in.

 

“Ella, you were ten years old. You were traumatized! You didn’t need to know! You couldn’t handle knowing the truth. You couldn’t set foot near a bathroom without having a panic attack until you were nearly 13!”

 

“Have you known this whole time?”

 

“We first heard his story the night before your eleventh birthday. Do you remember?”

 

Ella did. It was her favorite memory. She had felt wanted for the first time.

 

“Is it true?”

 

“Only you can tell us that.”

 

Let mommy make it all better.

 

“It’s true.”

 

Ella fell to the floor and began to sob harder than she had in years. She was vaguely aware of Rose kneeling down next to her and rocking her in her arms.

 

“Why did she?”

 

“Your mother loved you, Ella. I don’t know what happened towards the end, maybe watching you suffer was just too much. Maybe she thought ending your pain was a kinder fate.”

 

Let mommy make it all better.

 

“But the cancer didn’t kill me, she would have ended my life for nothing.”

 

“But she didn’t, because you are the strongest and bravest person I have ever known, and I have a wonderful daughter now as a result. Pedro would be so proud to see the woman you’ve grown up to be.” She looked longingly at the ceramic urn on the mantle.

 

Ella wiped her face on her arms. They were right. Knowing would have killed her then.

 

“How about you come sleep with me tonight? I’ll keep the nightmares away while you sleep.”

 

“I’m too old to sleep with you now.” Ella chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

 

“You are never too old to need a mother's love. Remember what I told you when you were younger? You don’t have to be in such a hurry to grow up. It’s okay to take a step back when you need to. The world will still be there when you’re ready to face it.”

 

The End

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