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Roommate and I can`t decide about a new cat


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First off, I just hope I made the right choice about putting this into the off-topic category, not sure whether to put it here on in Guidance & Counseling since it would fit into both actually...I think.

This past monday I lost a good friend and family member of 9 way too short years, Lenin. Or rather - the decision was made to end his suffering as the Vet openly stated that there was like nothing they could do anymore to help.
Lenin was suffering from severe kidney damage and he (again, according to the Vet) would`ve died within the next 12-48 hours anyway...only with much more suffering.
It wasn`t me who made the decision to grant him peace but my roommate, as I was visiting some other friends this past weekend.
Of course...if I would`ve known what would happen...well...of course I would`ve stayed home. But there is no use in thinking about that now, is there? It`s not like I can reverse time or so...

Of course I`m really sad right now. Life just isn`t the same without Lenin. This place feels empty and silent without him. And I think this is where the actual problem comes from.
It was my roommate who made the decision to end his suffering - and no, I don´t blame him for that. It was the right decision and I am glad he had the strength to go through with this...as I am not sure whether I would`ve been able to ask for this procedure myself.
But now we`re in disagreement - he wants to get a new cat within the next few days, as he can`t stand the loneliness and the silence.
While I agree with that...it is hard to get used to this new reality...that there is no one meowing into my face each morning, no one to randomly shove dishes off the kitchen counter and no one to tear stacks of neatly organized papers into shreds - basically all those things which make living with cats worthwhile. I miss Lenin and I would give anything to have him back right now.
And I also want to get a new cat at some point - altough later. Much later. Maybe in a few weeks or month or so. First I want to mourn. And say goodbye. And cry a few more times.
While I understand his point of getting a new cat as quickly as possible to combat the emptyness of our home, I just think it is way too soon.

But maybe I am in the wrong here? Perhaps it would really be better to pick our new pet rather quickly? I don`t know...
What do you all think? I need some advice here, what would you do?

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I think it’s difficult for an outsider to give better advice than your instincts, but as a lover of cats, I’ll try. And sorry to hear about Lenin.

I’d suggest you hold off just for right now. Do cry when you need to, it’s a wonderful thing to do. But also keep all the good times in mind. That’s how I got through the last time my cat passed. The ending was sad, and losing him was too, but I had a wealth of memories of him that I keep in my mind forever.

Maybe in a few more days, maybe in a week, go with your roommate to somewhere where you can view some potential adoptees. Then leave it to your heart. You may fall in love with one and accept them. You may not. Either is fine. But don’t think of it as a replacement, just a new cat filling in those lofty old boots.

And keep Lenin alive in your positive thoughts. ?

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I have had to deal with the sad early death of my cat twice now one time I got a new kitten right away about three days after the death and the other one a year after that ones death.

I find it much better to get a new little kitten soon after the death as the kitten will love you and help you threw the hard times, the year between my second and third cat had to be some of the most lonely months of my life.

I understand it is very hard to move on when it happens, but the way I see it is my cat loved me and would not want me to be sad.

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Your cat was called Lenin. I have a cat called Vladimir. Shame they never met - they might have been able to solve Russia's economic problems :sad:

I would absolutely, definitely, 100% recommend getting a new cat, ASAP. You can mourn Lenin either way, but it will be so much harder when there's nothing to fill that void - and it won't really do you any good. I don't believe in the idea that getting a new pet after losing an old one is a "replacement" - it's something much more than just a position to be filled. Every household friend we have is unique, and we love them for who they are, not what they are.

As a Facebook meme once said,

"My cat is very handsome and soft. My cat is best cat. Your cat is also best cat. All cats are best cats and that is science. Thank you."

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Thanks, everyone...this really helped me to understand my roommates thinking a bit better, I guess.
I mean, I already got his point...but the reasoning behind it was a bit foggy to me.

I felt (and still feel) more like it`s a matter of respect to Lenin, letting some time pass. Rushing to adopt a new one seemed a bit like "oh geez, cat is dead. whatever. let`s grab the next one, it´s all the same anyway"
If a human family member dies, you wouldn`t just "get" a new one either, right (okay, put aside the fact that you can`t really "replace" a human family member who died, it`s just for the sake of argument)

But I guess thats not it. In a certain way, a new cat could just be another way to deal with your sadness. I must admit, the emptiness here is unsettling. It makes everything so much worse. After living with cat`s for the majority of my life, a home without one doesn`t feel like home anymore.

Still not sure whether it`s already the right time to "move on" ....but I have to admit, I started checking the local shelters adoption list.
Already know that I won`t adopt a young kitten - not that I don`t like kittens. Kittens are amazing and fun. But it`s always the older cats who have a hard time getting adopted, because most people want kittens. And any cat older than 2 years or so has a good chances of staying at the shelter for a long time. So when I (or we, actually) go pick a new cat, it will most likely be an adult one.

Maybe I call that one Trotzky? Ah, oh well...too early for that I think^^
But thank you again...

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