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Trans? What would you call this?

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Been awhile since I've made a post at all here but I wanted to ask a question. Ever since I was little I wanted to know what it would be like to be a girl. I would wear my sister's clothes when they were out and I could sneak them from the laundry to a bathroom. Before I knew what it really was, I would try to tuck myself away. Also I would pretend that I was a girl from time to time.

As I got older I have actually bought some girl's clothes but I never saw them as clothes for girls I just saw them as my preferred clothes. And I do try to pass but I'm also just happy wearing my clothes and I feel happier with how I look in them. So everything about that makes me say I'm PROBABLY trans. But at the same time I just don't know. I just feel like me, who I am. I don't feel the need to have a special title, I just want to look how I want to look and if that means long hair, bra, panties, skirt, tights, ect, then that's just how I am. I don't know any other trans people so I don't know if that's a normal feeling or not.

My best friend knows and he's fine with it, in fact he said I pass pretty well. My fiancee knows and she doesn't like it, it's more of a she doesn't want to see or talk about it, but then she will bring things up from time to time but if that conversation goes anywhere she normally gets upset so I push away from that topic. My family doesn't know at all, let's put it this way, mom had a trans brother and he is not a part of the family anymore and when my brother came out as gay, mom and dad didn't take it well. They still talk to him and I became an ordained minister to marry him to his now husband. But it took a long while till my parents were "okay" with it, but any mention of "gay" things and my mom acts like it's the most unholy, ridiculous thing a person could even consider especially if the person in question is young. 

tl;dr I don't "feel" trans I just want to be who I am, whatever that means, so is that a normal feeling? 

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someone I know said it better than I can: if you find yourself wanting to be a different gender, you probably are that gender. things like dysphoria aren't necessarily Included in being trans, so yes, you might be trans!

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Well, from reading this, I don't hear you mentioning that you WANT to be a certain gender, only that you want to be yourself. Being a guy that likes to dress as a girl doesn't make you a trans, it makes you a guy who wants to dress like a girl. Although I am fairly against using the terms "like a guy" or "like a girl". It's things that shouldn't matter. As a child I liked to dress more "boy-like", I wore saggy-jeans and comfy hoodies. Looking at old pictures of me you'd probably mistake me for a little boy. I never liked the skinny-jeans or skirts and dresses like the other girls wore. As a teen, I started to take a liking to leggings, because they're just way more elastic and comfy than any jeans you can find, and I dress up more girly-like than I used to. I still hate skirts and dresses though, there are many other ways to dress up nice. Maybe that's a bit unrelatable though, because as society goes, it is more accepted for girls to wear clothes directed to either gender, but guys are pressured to wear the right set of clothes, at least more than girls.

 

See, your interest in dressing up in panties and bra's can be defined as just a cross-dresser or even can go towards the "drag-queen" genre, which is totally different from transgenders.

In my opinion though, transgenders are something that is born from too high standards of society, as in, it is because people brand something as girly or manly, which I find wrong. That only plants ideas in children's heads that if they like something the other gender should like, it means they don't fit in, they will feel like they don't belong. For example, I always loved playing video games, but as a kid, I could never actually go around playing them, because I was a girl, and that wasn't a very girly thing to like. It changes as you grow up though, or maybe society changed a bit, but fact still remains, I was pressured to not play them as a child.

The same thing goes for clothes. If we didn't brand certain clothes for certain genders, those who like clothes aimed for the opposite gender won't feel out of place, it would just be the norm to wear whatever you want. 

Anywayy, this is not what the question was about, so I'll leave my speech here for now.

There is one other thing that concerns me, that is your fiancee. The  fact she kind of rejects the idea, is really bad. In fact, it is kind of saying she's rejecting a huge part of you, and wants you to just not do it, meaning she is demanding that you don't fully be who you really are. Of course, this isn't something every guy does, meaning it is looked at as abnormal, wrong, which leads to it being prejudiced.

I can't really say it is the same, but I was once in a relationship with a guy who hated my omorashi fetish, found it weird and disgusting. His view towards it was/is the same as your fiancee's towards your cross-dressing. He'd get mad if I tried to bring it up, if I ever mentioned wanting to try doing it with him or anything of the sorts. And I didn't really realize it until a while after we broke up, after 2 years in relationship, how rejected it made me feel, how unhappy and insecure about my fetish it made me. Don't get me wrong, it was a very happy relationship most of the time, but maybe because of those differences, I slowly stopped having feelings for him. Most of the fights we had were related to the fetish or ended up becoming an argument about it. He didn't want me acting on it in any way, he didn't like it when I wanted to just hold my pee for a while, if we were watching a movie or a tv show together, he'd always tell me to go to the toilet as soon as he noticed I needed to, becoming annoyed if I didn't.

 

I'm not saying that is the case with your cross-dressing, all I'm asking you to do is think about it. If she really can't accept it, are you willing to sacrifice that thing you really like for her? Neither choice is wrong, as long as you're happy with it. 

The matter with your family is another, just as difficult one. But as you said, your parents did come to accept your brother in time, and they will do the same for you. Parental love is very strong, and most of the time they are unable to reject their child. They might object it at first, but if it is something you truly feel better with yourself doing, then do it. Don't let the opinions of others hold you back.

 

I'm going to leave it at that. I could make a speech 3 times as long, but I doubt anyone would bother reading it, I'm not even sure if you will have the patience to read all this xD 

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I completely agree with everything Lilypad says. And i actually know how you feel, I almost feel the same way. Ive always had the desire to wear girl's clothes since I was little but was afraid of getting caught. Once I got a job and made an Amazon account, I started buying women's clothes, makeup and jewels, silicone breats and hips, no wigs cause I have natural long hair.

I also dont feel like a trans either. I feel like myself, just like you said. I carry myself like a normal man, but deep down sometimes i just hate the gender I was assigned to. I feel I never fully meet the manly expectations of a man, but I dont want to become a woman. I just want to be identified as no gender, a non-binary/genderfluid. Honestly, there is a chance that you could be that. 

Its great you have friends that accept you for you. All my friends know I dress like a woman, I usually do it at thier parties and stuff. My parents dont know I do this and probably never will. They would not understand, at all. As far as your fiance, if she cant accept what makes you happy and what makes you who you are, its never a good thing. I would NEVER settle for a woman that hates this about me. Unfortunately, it is very hard to find women that accept this. Its my dream to have a woman i can do girly stuff with together, like paint each others nails, do each others makeup and go out together dressed up all pretty.

Society puts these rules in us that whatever clothes we wear or things we like to do determines our sexual orientation and gender. Just because we wear dresses means were automatically a female and must be attracted to men. Dont ever let anyone make you ashamed of who you are, because what you do and who you identify yourself to be is what makes you unique

Edited by malegusher92

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On 9/24/2017 at 1:02 PM, Lilypad said:

I always loved playing video games, but as a kid, I could never actually go around playing them, because I was a girl, and that wasn't a very girly thing to like. It changes as you grow up though, or maybe society changed a bit, but fact still remains, I was pressured to not play them as a child.

 

 My sister has been a hardcore gamer since she was really little and still is as much to this day, owns every newest console there is today. My parents or anyone else never shamed her for that. I used to watch her in the 90s beat all the Sega Genesis games that I sucked at lol

Edited by malegusher92

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39 minutes ago, malegusher92 said:

 My sister has been a hardcore gamer since she was really little and still is as much to this day, owns every newest console there is today. My parents or anyone else never shamed her for that. I used to watch her in the 90s beat all the Sega Genesis games that I sucked at lol

My parents never shamed me, not at all. It's about social status though. In my childhood, I was judged by the other girls, heck, even the boys found it weird. That's just how it was. On top of that, I was rather insecure as a child, so that didn't help either :P

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On 9/23/2017 at 11:08 PM, YukiTana said:

Been awhile since I've made a post at all here but I wanted to ask a question. Ever since I was little I wanted to know what it would be like to be a girl. I would wear my sister's clothes when they were out and I could sneak them from the laundry to a bathroom. Before I knew what it really was, I would try to tuck myself away. Also I would pretend that I was a girl from time to time.

As I got older I have actually bought some girl's clothes but I never saw them as clothes for girls I just saw them as my preferred clothes. And I do try to pass but I'm also just happy wearing my clothes and I feel happier with how I look in them. So everything about that makes me say I'm PROBABLY trans. But at the same time I just don't know. I just feel like me, who I am. I don't feel the need to have a special title, I just want to look how I want to look and if that means long hair, bra, panties, skirt, tights, ect, then that's just how I am. I don't know any other trans people so I don't know if that's a normal feeling or not.

My best friend knows and he's fine with it, in fact he said I pass pretty well. My fiancee knows and she doesn't like it, it's more of a she doesn't want to see or talk about it, but then she will bring things up from time to time but if that conversation goes anywhere she normally gets upset so I push away from that topic. My family doesn't know at all, let's put it this way, mom had a trans brother and he is not a part of the family anymore and when my brother came out as gay, mom and dad didn't take it well. They still talk to him and I became an ordained minister to marry him to his now husband. But it took a long while till my parents were "okay" with it, but any mention of "gay" things and my mom acts like it's the most unholy, ridiculous thing a person could even consider especially if the person in question is young. 

tl;dr I don't "feel" trans I just want to be who I am, whatever that means, so is that a normal feeling? 

I pretty much agree with everything @Lilypad said.

The few trans people I have known had a very strong since of gender identity.  They knew, from a very young age, what gender they were- That gender just didn't match the body they were born into.  Some people identify as non-binary, not clearly fitting into any pre-defined gender roll.  Only you can really know what your identity is.

However, taken by itself, simply liking certain kinds of clothes doesn't mean you are transgender.  It just means you like certain kinds of clothes.  That we live in a society that segregates clothing choices by gender doesn't necessarily say anything about your gender identity.  If you reversed this situation, where a woman felt for comfortable wearing clothes from the men's section, I don't think she would assume that meant she was trans.  My girlfriend, for example, prefers men's pants because they have usable pockets.

When I was very young, I wanted an Easy Bake Oven.  I saw commercials for it on TV, and I very much liked the idea of being able to cook food myself and bake my own chocolate chip cookies.  However, my parents were concerned that I might be gay because of this.  The Easy Bake Oven was pink, it was a girls toy, and as a boy this isn't something that my parents thought I should have wanted.  The truth is that I am not gay and my gender identity matches my biological sex. I simply liked the idea of the Easy Bake Oven and there were things about it that appealed to me, even though it was made primarily for girls.

Maybe you are trans.  Maybe you are non-binary and don't fit into any specific gender.  Or maybe clothes, makeup, and hair are just your easy bake oven- It is just something you like and has nothing to do with your gender identity.  Only you can answer that.

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I've only ever met one trans-gender person. She was a nice person in the dealings I had with her, but more than that I can't say with any certainty. I was told that, as a man, she was as gay as they come, and no man was safe sitting within reach. As a woman, post-operative, she was perfectly normal, at least in the day-to-day dealings we had.

I don't think you should worry about it. You are what you are. You may possibly need a new fiancee though. There's not much you can do about your family.

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This raises questions about myself as I have also always thought about what it be like to be a girl and I often fantasize about it in depth. I definitely don't want to transition to a girl, i just kinda wish I was born one. 

I've dabbled into cross dressing before, with some clothes an ex girlfriend left behind and it was interesting. However my ideal girl dresses neutral with no bias to one gender. I wouldn't like make up or frilly pink skirts.

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There are no qualifications or requirements to be who you want to be, and no man, government, or other group has the right to say otherwise, no matter how they try.

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10 hours ago, facade said:

This raises questions about myself as I have also always thought about what it be like to be a girl and I often fantasize about it in depth. I definitely don't want to transition to a girl, i just kinda wish I was born one. 

I've dabbled into cross dressing before, with some clothes an ex girlfriend left behind and it was interesting. However my ideal girl dresses neutral with no bias to one gender. I wouldn't like make up or frilly pink skirts.

This is me except i love makeup and everything girly. When I crossdress I do it as girly as possible lol but i would never wanna be a woman all the time. 2 genders are better than 1

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Posted (edited)

I call this perfectly normal guy, who is worried about a detail like this because dumb over-complicating-nothing-better-to-do society says he should re-define his gender because of things like that.

Why would you need to be a "trans" because you like clothes that happen to be mostly worn by girls? You're a regular guy who happens to like "women" clothes, that's it.

Calling yourself trans for something like that is like saying a man who happens to wear women clothes is not a proper man and he MUST be labeled as a trans :) In a world where people are trying to liberate from the typical male-female roles, which is a good thing, people now invent new genders for every detail you differ from your typical sex-based gender? See, that means that the society by inventing these new genders still supports the idea of traditional sexes. A pile of paradox crap. 

If you actually ACCEPT a male or female as they are, you WILL NOT invent new genders if they're not typical male/female. That's the point nobody seems to understand. 

I must say, I really feel sad for some of you people. Really. You should enjoy what you are, not being confused because some detail in your life doesn't fit the definition of come gender. Forget about all those damn definitions this stupid fucked up society is making you think about, and just be who you are! Nobody cares if you are 39.54% that and 6.39% that and 4.58% that which makes you 96.39% of that and that gender.

I'm a skinny guy with a sexy ass, cute hands and feet and little body hair. Am i a trans now? Fuck no, I'm a male. I don't happen to be the typical alpha male seen in hollywood movies, but i'm still a male. Problem solved. 

I apologize for this comment sounding harsh, but seeing you people feeling to need to define yourself, your genders, whatever, really pains me. So much confusion for nothing, and I see some of you suffer a lot because of it. YOU'RE ALL ALLRIGHT! Life is too simple for you to overcomplicate it and suffer depression because of it. 

Edited by slovenc79

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On 4. 10. 2017 at 10:45 PM, malegusher92 said:

2 genders are better than 1

why is that?

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5 hours ago, slovenc79 said:

why is that?

its more than just the enjoyment of wearing clothes, I feel I have both components of genders in me. I feel partially like a woman mentally, and I like to express her in full form but at the same time I still embrace the guy in me pretty well. It may sound ridiculous but its complicated to really understand. I hate genders and I wish roles never existed, I could never see myself as a full woman or a full man, i'm just something in the middle I guess

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2 hours ago, malegusher92 said:

 

its more than just the enjoyment of wearing clothes, I feel I have both components of genders in me. I feel partially like a woman mentally, and I like to express her in full form but at the same time I still embrace the guy in me pretty well. It may sound ridiculous but its complicated to really understand. I hate genders and I wish roles never existed, I could never see myself as a full woman or a full man, i'm just something in the middle I guess

you're male in a biological way. other than that, be whatever you want. we all feel more manly and more feminine at different times, both men and women. 

i think long before, when men and women had stronger relationship, the roles were more practical. in general, every sex has masculine and feminine side, but in a couple, one can fully fit in one, and other in other role. but today, it's very hard to form strong relationship, people feel very lonely and men miss presence of feminine energy in their life, and vice versa. i fill that painful gap in my life with women clothes. until i find the right woman in my life, i think i'll never feel as manly as i wish i could. 

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2 hours ago, slovenc79 said:

i think i'll never feel as manly as i wish i could

I feel you... its because Women want the Alpha Machos, not the Beta Softees. Its a sad fact of thier biological chemistry. What woman wouldn't want a Ferarri over a Toyota Corolla?

But be you man... Because you have a right to be you! You don't need to meet societies manly expectations. I don't... Do you know how many women dumped and cheated on me for how I am? Plus they all HATED my crossdressing, they thought I was gay for wanting to wear girl clothes (where's the logic there?). Then after they got to know my sexual performance anxiety and my emotionally sensitive side, they bounced fast. Told me I might just be better off with men. Shy\Timid+Sensitive+Feminine=GAY. Sucks that i'm only into women.

No woman has ever understood me one bit yet. And i'm not sure how to believe anyone of them will. They're always the same damn story one after the other

Edited by malegusher92

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It's not just that, it's the fact that without a woman, i don't have any feminine sides in my life. I have to balance that myself. Like a single father who also has to be a mother-role to his child, or a woman who also has to be a father-figure to hers. I think the right partner is really what makes someone perfect. I guess it's biological.

The only thing i care about society is that they are messing people up. On one hand, they want equality and respecting everyone equally and all that stuff, but on the other hand, they are promoting perfections and unrealistic rolemodels. People are depressed because they aren't perfect in every way, and they also don't tolerate imperfections on other people. Everyone wants too much, and everyone feels worthless at the same time. 

I just want the right girl, immune to all this bullshit, who accept herself and her imperfections, and also mine. The rest of the world can go fuck itself for all i care :) I'll just teach my child from the beginning that the society (i can't imagine what bullshit will they come up with when my kid will be growing up) shouldn't be taken so seriously that it would make them depressed. 

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Well, you could be trans in the sense of being non-binary or gender fluid or something. Or you could just be a guy with some fluidity in the way that he presents himself. Either is fine, and the issue seems to be in your head in terms of trying to put a label to it - you're basically trying to fit into something or the other that society feels that you should, and I don't think that fitting in would really be of use to you as such. So there's that. Yes, I'm a bit late here.



Anyhow, there was this annoying thing that I noticed in the comments - the usage of "transgenders", which is neither grammatically correct (it's an adjective). nor an identity in and of itself (what I mean is that no one calls themselves "a transgender" or identifies as that only). Just wanted to point that out.

 

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I also see in your description a "crossdresser" more than anything else. 

And I know how you feel because I like to wear female clothes, shoes and makeup too, but never considered myself as a trans because of that. I feel quite good in male skin, just like female clothes better. We are just unlucky that today's society don't consider "anything goes" when comes to clothing and tries to force on people some narrow minded guidelines what is ok to wear and what not. If people wouldn't judge so quickly I wouldn't even fully dress as a women or as a man, but instead combine some female and some male clothes together. 
It's the same with out fetish.Why is so wrong to wet your pants, if you like that? We are not hurting anyone with that.

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