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Bonnie from Pokémon omorashi and


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Hope you people enjoy 

One day while Ash and the gang were on there journey they had to travel through Santalune forest to arrive in the next city Bonnie asked "Hey Clement do you have any water I'm really thirsty" . "Yeah" clement replied "here you go " clement said handing Bonnie the water. Bonnie chugged the water down as fast as possible. They continued walking through the forest. About 30 minutes pass by and Bonnie feels the water hit her bladder. She brushes it off not thinking it was a big deal as they pass another path. Then they hear a loud snap and a crash it made them all jump, but they continued on the path. Another 15 minutes pass by and Bonnie starts to feel slightly desperate then they all stopped to see a tree fallen on the path. Ash then said "looks like we'll have to go back and use the path we passed by and see if that leads us around the tree. So they start to head back. After a 15 minutes Bonnie starts to feel quite desperate to pee. They find the path and start walking. 10 minutes pass by and Bonnie thinks " I need to pee now or I'll wet myself" Bonnie then said "Ummm guys is there a bathroom near by because I got to pee". Clement said "There's no bathroom out here looks like you will have to use the forest." Bonnie yelled "NO WAY! I can hold it". Clement said "ok Bonnie". 10 minutes later they find there selves lost. They continue walking and with each step Bonnie got more and more desperate to pee then Bonnie trips over a tree root coming out of the ground and screams as a dribble of pee come out as she hoped it wasn't  noticeable she looked down and saw a wet spot she quickly jumped and said "I'm fine". 10 minutes later she thinks "I NEED TO PEE NOOOW" Then she crosses her legs and puts her hands on her crotch holding it tightly then She starts to blush and tear up as pee starts to dribble out. She try's to hold it in but it was no use she felt a warm stream of pee come out of her and Ash said "guys I found the exit " Clement turned around to tell Bonnie and he froze as her saw Bonnie peeing herself. Bonnie just thought to herself "I couldn't make it" 

 

 

 

 

 

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This story seems a bit... rushed. I guess I would have liked to see more visual description than "A does b." 

Some formatting, at least new lines, would have broken it up so it didn't read like one run-on paragraph.

My last point is... did this need to be pokemon based? I don't think I saw a single pokemon in the entire story. It was very off putting for me to be reading a pokemon fanfic and see nothing other than names that relates it back to the source material. This story could very well have been Joe, Walsh, Scott, Mary, and Jane got lost in the highlands last Saturday and read exactly the same. 

The following thread by SomeGirl might be worth a look through:

https://www.omorashi.org/topic/38443-omg-writers-tips-and-resources/ 

Apologies if I came off too harshly. It seems like a good base/start to a story.

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