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Would Girls Be Willing to Date A Guy With Serious Multiple Sex Problems?

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Posted (edited)

I need a real female perspective here. I do not want to hear anything from a male at all

 I am a guy that suffers from bad sexual performance anxiety, possibly mild erectile dysfunction, and severe premature ejaculation issues. When doing intercourse I go soft before I start or in the middle of intercourse. Or I would ejaculate as soon as i start intercourse, even masturbation. This problem is getting worse as i'm getting older (i'm 25) and sex therapists are not insurance covered, so we are talking about 200-300 dollars a session, which is unrealistic for me to afford.

I know that women care about personality and connection. But as soon as we fail sexually, its over so damn fast! When you date a girl and that moment comes, you tell a girl about your sex problems it will 100% kill the moment. We can't bring this up earlier/out of the blue cause they will assume were just desperate for pussy. If you tell her your not ready/comfortable in the moment she will get turned off/assume your gay. And if you just go with it without getting it off your chest, and mess up, you failed the 'sex audition' and the relationship is over. 

This is sadly the reality of human nature and the unfortunate reality of being a man. Even if your the sweetest most fun guy ever, if your sex performance is not up to par, you will NEVER get past the first few dates. Women dont care, feel sorry or want to help with your sex problems and I can't stand that they are like this. They don't know what it's like to struggle with these issues.

I fear everyday I am going to end up alone for the rest of my life because of this problem. I keep asking myself why me? Why am I the chosen one? Am I really bound to stay single for the rest of my life because if so, its going to be a very long painful depressing life. I am full of love and emotion that will just waste away because my dick cant work right. I almost feel like chopping it off and becoming female so i don't have to deal with this bs anymore. 

I hope I am wrong and I am sorry for talking so bad about women because I have had nothing but negative experiences with them. They couldnt stand my emotional sensitivity and sex issues so they cheated on me and abandoned me. They have tore me apart

Edited by malegusher92

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AquaVitae    426

Bro, you just need to get a prescription for some erectile dysfunction pills. I've seen this time and time again. You can override what your mind is doing to your genitals by just increasing bloodflow, which is how these pills work. As an added boost for your specific condition, the placebo effect even will be enormous so I suspect you wouldn't need that high of a dose. It really sucks you don't have insurance, but these pills are often not covered anyway. Do some researching and see what your out of pocket expenses would be. Therapy is good but if it's not helping, then you need to explore other likely cheaper alternatives.

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, AquaVitae said:

Bro, you just need to get a prescription for some erectile dysfunction pills. I've seen this time and time again. You can override what your mind is doing to your genitals by just increasing bloodflow, which is how these pills work. As an added boost for your specific condition, the placebo effect even will be enormous so I suspect you wouldn't need that high of a dose. It really sucks you don't have insurance, but these pills are often not covered anyway. Do some researching and see what your out of pocket expenses would be. Therapy is good but if it's not helping, then you need to explore other likely cheaper alternatives.

Idk what the hell to do. I may not have ED. Maybe I just have very high sexual performance anxiety which would also cause me to cum too fast or go soft in action.

Every fuckin girl ive been with cheated on me and left me cause of this. If a man's sex skills are not up to par NO woman is gonna give a fuck cause she has that luxury of getting another dick with the drop of a hat. And the fact that i cant afford medication or therapy thats the longer ill be alone and single.

This wouldnt be a problem if women would have patience and give me a chance to get better but of course it's not in thier nature to feel bad for a man and want to help, once again its cause women can get with any guy at any time, as soon as they don't like something instead of helping you they run off and cheat, and were left alone and broken. Thats human nature for ya...

Edited by malegusher92

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AquaVitae    426

Yeah it sucks to be rejected, for sure. But you dont need to blame women in general for that. It could be that the ones youve met so far havent been too kind. Also consider that maybe they are thinking its their fault they cant turn you on. All I'm saying is that attraction is pretty complicated when you look at it.

 

Check it, i just looked it up and thirty 2.5 mg cialis pills would cost you $360 out of pocket. So imagine what fewer would cost. Could you save that up? Go to an MD and get looked at for this. Its a serious quality of life issue for you.

 

You should also check out joyable.com. its like self directed therapy for anxiety and might help you. Costs $20 a week but can have lasting effects.

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Zee    5

Try avoiding all pornography and self-stimulation for at least a couple weeks. When reality is your only sexual outlet it'll work a lot better.

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i already have sexuality course at university... the professor was a sexologue and her tip for this kind of problem ( premature ejaculation) is that you must do masturbation and when you feel that you are about to ejaculate you stop for few minutes and you restart stimulation and again when you are close to ejaculate you stop... that should help for not have premature ejaculation
 

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Omo_Guy    23

I don't have issues performing sexually, but long story short, i'm now on zoloft, which has done something to my ability to cum. 

This hasn't affected my relationships, I agree with Aqua, you can't generalize to women in general, i understand bad experiences skew things....anyway, i think the anxiety aspect doesnt help. in my experience, if you're open and honest about any issues, women, if they like you, are generally understanding. there are also other ways to please a woman without necessarily fucking her to orgasm (i.e. fingering for clit orgasms)

That being said, as a patient myself, i would recommend a psychiatrist. While sex therapy may be needed, they deal with a lot of issues involving this, and as opposed to therapy, it's not so much as "sit on a couch and tell me your feelings" as it is "this is what's going on, what do you think i can do to solve it?" 

Just my two cents... 

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On 8/12/2017 at 0:36 AM, Zee said:

Try avoiding all pornography and self-stimulation for at least a couple weeks. When reality is your only sexual outlet it'll work a lot better.

This is what i thought and its actually helped a little

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On 8/11/2017 at 10:10 PM, AquaVitae said:

thirty 2.5 mg cialis pills would cost you $360 out of pocket

thats fucking outrageous!! I guess im going to be single till i can afford medication

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Posted (edited)
On 8/11/2017 at 10:10 PM, AquaVitae said:

Yeah it sucks to be rejected, for sure. But you dont need to blame women in general for that. It could be that the ones youve met so far havent been too kind. Also consider that maybe they are thinking its their fault they cant turn you on. All I'm saying is that attraction is pretty complicated when you look at it.

 

Check it, i just looked it up and thirty 2.5 mg cialis pills would cost you $360 out of pocket. So imagine what fewer would cost. Could you save that up? Go to an MD and get looked at for this. Its a serious quality of life issue for you.

 

You should also check out joyable.com. its like self directed therapy for anxiety and might help you. Costs $20 a week but can have lasting effects.

All the women ive been with were very open minded and good hearted and after like 3 months of still not being able to perform sex they still gave up on me. Its just very unfortunate that im so young and i already have this problem.

If ED pills cost that much then I am fucked. I am no simple man. I hae other needs in life and cant put every dime i make to sex.

I honestly feel like just getting a sex change and being done with manhood. I hate being a man because of this issue

Edited by malegusher92

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I think focusing on this problem is actually the problem. You seem like a guy who worries a lot, your first post tells a lot about your frustrations. And of course you can't function, having all this in the back of your head and it pops out right when you're about to cum (happens to me sometimes too, a quick thought can ruin a great orgasm). The more you worry about it, the more it's real, and the frustration got so big it's even making problems at masturbating, watching porn... when you masturbate, do you ever think about how it's all just an act, a fake, the woman just doing it for money, fame, not really enjoying it? It ruins it for me, that's why i prefer amateur stuff. Porn itself can be a problem, when you're so used to weird specific stuff a normal sex just doesn't seem interesting anymore at all. 

But I think the core of this problem, which is a big one, for both men and women, is how relationships nowadays aren't about love and caring anymore, but more about using someone to satisfy your needs. Partners aren't seen as "special" anymore, because there are so many, and people replace them so often. And in a society where a man's primary concern is "how to be a man in front of girls to impress as many as possible, screw them the best way and make them crazy about me" I'm not surprised so many people are confused, depressed, lonely, although sexual freedom is bigger than ever. 

I personally think desire for the best sex comes out of loving someone. And by that I mean someone special to you, someone you trust, you care for, and they feel the same about you. Someone who you can talk to, tell your deepest secrets, things you'd be ashamed to tell anyone else. When you feel so relaxed, you can completely focus on loving that person, you can also enjoy sexuality at the full extent. Of course it depends on the person, I am one the the guys who connect love with sex, and I think you (malegusher92) do, too. 

I think best bet for us is to seek a quality relationsip, not quantity. To find a woman who will be that special one, not a number. But it's hard to find a girl like that in wild 20s where everybody just want to "have fun" and just dump you if you're not desirable at that moment. 

But in general: try not to worry so much. A chick that dumps you because she doesn't see you worthy a bit of patience, talk and care, isn't your type anyway. What is your purpose in life? To enjoy, to do things you like. Don't think your purpose in life is to be a good dildo to please women. Don't listen to their definitions of what a real man is, and not even to other guys. 
To me personally, a man is someone who doesn't care about definitions of being a "man". All those guys showing off with money, expensive cars, muscles, big dicks, selfies doing some "manly" bullshit.. when I see guys like these, i think to myself "damn, this guy is really desperate to show everybody about his manliness, he must really have low self-confiednce". And you'd be surprised how easily some of those "men" break down when you hit them in the right spot (emotionally, i mean, not physically).

Focus on the important things, things that are important to YOU. It's funny how a world nowadays is about promoting diversity, but at the same time everyone want to live like everyone else - have a wild youth full of sex, travel a lot, then settle down and have a family and have a good job with a lot of money.. don't succumb to those ideas like everyone else. Set your own goals in life and don't feel down if everybody is doing something and you're doing something else. 

Well, that's all I can say about this erection problem :P A lot of this may seem like offtopic, but I think it's not - the problems you have are much deeper and erectyle disfunction is a consequence that you noticed. Well, not really problems, just worries. But stress can make a lot of damage to the body in very subtle ways. You just have to think deeply and connect the dots, I really hope it'll work for you. 

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I have not seen a single girl's perspective here yet. Its easy for any man to say what theyve been saying here. But I want to hear from a woman herself if she would tolerate a guy with bad sexual issues. But im sure some girl is gonna say "if you fail to please a woman sexually no woman is gonna be happy with you. There's only so much patience we can have before we decide it's time to move on".

Many women have also thought I might just be attracted to men since im so nervous to have sex with a woman and I am also a semi-trans/drag queen/non binary but I am not gay. I am only into women sexually and emotionally. No woman has ever truly understood me yet

Edited by malegusher92

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OPencil    16

I'd tolerate it, (and I'm sure any other asexual would!) Contrary to popular belief, there are lots of girls (particularly grey-aces) who don't believe sex is the most important thing in the world. It's not an insurmountable barrier to finding a partner- and worrying too much will only exacerbate the "problem". US healthcare sucks, though- those prices are insane.

Edited by OPencil

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Blurple    10

You need to de-stress. I have those issues too when I'm stressed and can't get something off my mind.

 

I also don't believe that you're destined to be single. Don't rush into sex. Let someone fall in love with you first.

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