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"So...How do you go to he bathroom?" and other tales of peeing handicapped.


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It was really nice of you to write about this, especially that part where you encouraged us to ask more questions. I'm always really interested in understanding the various ways of how someone can be different from the average person, but as you understand, those can be touchy subjects to bring up. Some people are just really fed up with answering the same questions over and over and over again, and I don't want to be that guy in anyone's life.

 

But since you said you'd accept questions... I hope I don't make you regret saying that.

I have general knowledge about what CP is and how it can affect a person, but could you please tell more specifically, how does it affect you? I mean practically, how well or un-well do your legs work? Are your muscles weak, or shaky, or something? Does it affect all parts of your body or just some? How about speech and overall communication with gestures and facial expressions? I know it's different for everybody, but I'd just like to hear about you, because it's so different to hear an actual individual tell about themselves than to read some general article about all the possible ways of having CP.

I'm a little unclear, can you use the toilet independently, or do you require help from other people with that? If you don't need help, then have you ever required help from other people at an age when most people don't usually need help anymore?

Have you ever felt guilty about using your disability as a get out of jail free card? I don't mean to imply anything, I think you're kinda lucky to have this interest, since you're already in a situation where you can get away with it in a way that most people can't. There's nothing wrong with using a good chance if you have one. I'm just interested in how it is or has been making you feel. You are in an uncommon situation, people with CP and people with this interest are both minorities, and you belong in both minorities. You have something in your world that most people don't. I know CP naturally has its downsides, but the mixture of CP and this interest, does it bring any downsides with it? Such as guilt. Or have you ever had to deal with some person who makes you feel bad about it in some way? Like those overly fake smiley "AND HOW ARE WE TODAY"-people who treat like you're mentally handicapped and make a great fuss about how they're not making a great fuss about your "accident". Like a teacher, a relative or a nurse who helps you clean up and they're just so annoying they make you regret going in your pants, have you ever had to meet someone like that?

 

Thank you in advance. These probably weren't the last questions I ask you, they were just all I could think of now. I hope I didn't ask anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

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Hi! I'm fully prepared to answer respectful questions. Don't worry about offending me... Unless you do that loud slow talking down to me crap you mentioned then I will run over your feet. Even when someone has mental deficits you can speak to them with respect. Anyway. sorry, onto your questions.

The specific name that you need to Google to find more than layperson answers is Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy, but remember, everyone is different. What that means for me is that most of the affected part of my body is the lower half. My legs. As far as upper-body, my right hand is...An assistant to my left hand at best. My entire right side is marginally weaker (But less spastic) than my left side. And when I say spastic, that can mean everything from extreme stiffness to, literal, shaking and noise, spasms. Thankfully the shaking is mostly limited to my legs.

Now onto "How affected am I?" As a kid, and my teens, not much. I adapted. I could walk, with crutches or a walker or furniture heavier than me to hold onto. Medication to reduce tone and spasms helped. I would crawl if I needed to be quick. As I get older? I can't walk anymore, and I can only stand with assistance for time best measured with a stop watch. Not because I have gotten weaker or lazier but because Cerebral Palsy can be brutal on the body, especially if you are self-mobile. I can't walk anymore or stand for long periods anymore because I have arthritis in my toe and it hurts, and my other joints will follow. especially if I were to insist on continuing to walk.

Pride and insistence on independence means that I ignore everything I wrote above when it comes to bathroom stuff. I find a way to do it on my own.

Guilt? Yeah, sometimes. If I made a bigger mess than intended and someone else had to help clean it up.

As for the baby talk, as expressed above, I hate it. When I was a kid I was too shy to speak up and say so. But, as you said, two sides of the same coin, as a kid, I liked the "Mommy time" accidents and "accidents" created, because, like I said, my parents were pretty chill about it, especially when I was young.  So the reaction to an accident was mostly loving. It was extra attention. I enjoyed it. Looking back, do I feel bad about making my parents work more? Yeah, but I didn't see it that way then.

As far as just general assistance, most of what I required was due to my size not my disability. I'm fully grown, and I'm 4'8. When I was a kid? The toilet was not a small leap. I had to have help because for quite a bit of my life I wasn't tall enough to stand, turn, and sit.

Did I ever make anyone angry? Yeah. Nurse or aide types who, rightfully, saw me as creating more work for them by "not paying attention" or whatever euphemism they used for not going in the toilet. I hate to use this excuse, but I was a kid. I didn't see it from their side.
People who knew me? Family? Babysitters? No, they didn't care. Especially in public, if I just had to pee, and the bathroom situation wasn't ideal... "Just do the best you can until we find a better option." was an indirect "It would be easier if you didn't make me take you in there..." thing that I heard a lot.

As for being fed up with answering the same questions, I tried to cover the ones that I knew were coming. You're right, it gets old, but if people are asking it means the answer isn't known.

Did I get everything? If not, lemme know. And anyone else is free to dive in if I haven't answered your question.

Story coming soon, I promise.

Edited by ErinonWheels (see edit history)
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9 hours ago, diokno44x said:

You know, when I was younger, I was diagnosed with CP. I wore diapers, due to being scared of the flushing and uncomfortable with bathrooms outside my home, aswell as liking them

Just a guess you are extremely jumpy around loud noises? Me too. Weird little quirk of CP that is probably too far down the off topic rabbit hole to get into here.

9 hours ago, snufkin said:

Thanks for sharing, Erin! I have to admit I find your post rather exciting, and it's a thrill to read how you have come to develop this fetish while disabled. Looking forward to reading more from you. Please keep those stories coming!

 

Thank you. And on cue, finally an actual story. Well, sort of. It's not one singular event which I can give lots of detail about and make it entertaining, or exciting. It just sort of illustrates "The struggle". And I use that phrase somewhat tongue in cheek. I've got it easy compared to most disabled people.

When I was 15-16, seemingly out of nowhere, I could no longer pee before bed, and sleep until morning. I would wake up in the middle of the night singing that jingle from the overactive bladder drug commercial. "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!"...Never a good thing if I'm not already headed to the toilet. Best case scenario if I got up quickly I might make it, at the very least to pee myself on the toilet which is slightly less of a hassle in the middle of the night than what was more common. Get my feet tangled in the blankets, get spastic and uncoordinated because I'm trying to hurry, or just not wake up with enough time to spare, and I would pee myself in front of my bedroom floor (praise not having carpet), or in front of the toilet... This is why I started keeping a urinal next to the bed as mentioned in the first post. I eventually outgrew the random teenage lack of night time bladder control, but I keep the urinal next to my bed, still, because, who likes trudging to the toilet half asleep?

So, yeah, not exciting or entertaining, but that's mostly because it wasn't one event, this happened semi-frequently for around a year. The only detail I can add is what I felt: At varying times frustration, annoyance, relief (Hey even peeing on the floor feels good when ya really gotta go), and embarrassment. Unplanned accidents in my teens were definitely "look back and laugh", not "jump in bed and let my fingers do the walking.".

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3 hours ago, ErinonWheels said:

Just a guess you are extremely jumpy around loud noises? Me too. Weird little quirk of CP that is probably too far down the off topic rabbit hole to get into here.

Thank you. And on cue, finally an actual story. Well, sort of. It's not one singular event which I can give lots of detail about and make it entertaining, or exciting. It just sort of illustrates "The struggle". And I use that phrase somewhat tongue in cheek. I've got it easy compared to most disabled people.

When I was 15-16, seemingly out of nowhere, I could no longer pee before bed, and sleep until morning. I would wake up in the middle of the night singing that jingle from the overactive bladder drug commercial. "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!"...Never a good thing if I'm not already headed to the toilet. Best case scenario if I got up quickly I might make it, at the very least to pee myself on the toilet which is slightly less of a hassle in the middle of the night than what was more common. Get my feet tangled in the blankets, get spastic and uncoordinated because I'm trying to hurry, or just not wake up with enough time to spare, and I would pee myself in front of my bedroom floor (praise not having carpet), or in front of the toilet... This is why I started keeping a urinal next to the bed as mentioned in the first post. I eventually outgrew the random teenage lack of night time bladder control, but I keep the urinal next to my bed, still, because, who likes trudging to the toilet half asleep?

So, yeah, not exciting or entertaining, but that's mostly because it wasn't one event, this happened semi-frequently for around a year. The only detail I can add is what I felt: At varying times frustration, annoyance, relief (Hey even peeing on the floor feels good when ya really gotta go), and embarrassment. Unplanned accidents in my teens were definitely "look back and laugh", not "jump in bed and let my fingers do the walking.".

Well, It turned out I apparently  didn't have CP, but I have idiopathic toe walking 

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I vaguely remember when I was 6, I had surgery on both of my legs, and for reasons that I don't remember, they put a metal bar within the plaster to separate my legs. For this reason, I couldn't sit on the toilet for several weeks, so I had to wear diapers, but I didn't "get it". For some reason it didn't even register that I was wearing diapers, maybe because they didn't put me in them until I left the hospital. On the way home I had to poop. I told my Mom, and she said "I'll clean you up when we get home." "No, I need to." "Don't worry about it." "I have to poop!" "I know. I'll take care of it at home." "I can't wait that long!" Just...Back and forth not on the same wavelength, until I "had an accident" and I started bawling. My Mom asked me what was wrong "I told you I couldn't hold it!" "Did you poop?" "Yes!" "Good girl."

Well....Color me confused, "What?" "That's what the diaper is for," "I'm not a baby!"

It was at that moment my mother realized that we hadn't been having the same conversation for the entire car ride.

Truthfully I only remember very small snapshots of this. I was very young and on pain meds. That's just what my Mom says happened.

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We have a guy with CP, don't know what kind beyond that.  He's in his 50's and can still walk albeit with a slightly awkward gait.  His left arm/hand is pretty much useless, but he is still quiet able with his right.  He does a lot of data entry and to assist him, he has Dragon NaturallySpeaking.  I was curious if you use any speech to text program, or if you just type with your left hand.

How do you feel about "normal" people using the handicap toilets?  I always see at work non-disabled people using the handicap stalls without a second thought.

Also, what terminology do you prefer people to use?  Handicapped, disabled, etc?  Thanks for doing this!

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1 hour ago, AtomicBob said:

I always see at work non-disabled people using the handicap stalls without a second thought.

I have to come in here to comment this. They're actually not handicap stalls, they're called accessible stalls. I'm not trying to sound politically correct here, because there's really an important difference between these terms. If they were called handicap toilets, that would implicate they're meant for handicapped people only, which is not the case. It depends on the location, but accessible toilets are sometimes not reserved only for the people who need them. In some places they're open for everyone to use, if the location allows that. Of course no one should spend 15 minutes pooping or texting or fixing their make-up in there, but anyone can take a quick pee in them. However, in the most public locations, such as big libraries or malls, or in locations where many disabled people are expected to visit frequently, there the accessible toilets are (or should be!) reserved only for those who need to use an accessible toilet. This is, of course, assuming the place offers normal toilets too. I sometimes need to visit this store-and-services complex, where all the public toilets are accessible toilets because the majority of clientele requires accessibility. If a person who does not require an accessible toilet needs to use the facilities there, they have no choice but to use an accessible toilet. Which of course is not forbidden. So the subject of accessible toilets is actually much more complicated than what someone could first expect.

Also, you can't always see if a person is simply using an accessible stall out of temporary convenience, or if they really need the accessibility. Maybe you've seen my sister there, who knows. She looks perfectly normal to the outside, and sure she can do her business in a normal toilet, but due to her special needs, she finds accessible toilets much easier to use. So maybe there's some kind of a special needs gathering place near your work, and that's why many of them use the accessible toilet you're talking about. Or if you were talking about your coworkers, maybe they know that the accessible stall would be rarely used if it was only used by the people who absolutely need it, so they know it's not harmful to anyone if they use it.

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3 hours ago, AtomicBob said:

We have a guy with CP, don't know what kind beyond that.  He's in his 50's and can still walk albeit with a slightly awkward gait.  His left arm/hand is pretty much useless, but he is still quiet able with his right.  He does a lot of data entry and to assist him, he has Dragon NaturallySpeaking.  I was curious if you use any speech to text program, or if you just type with your left hand.

How do you feel about "normal" people using the handicap toilets?  I always see at work non-disabled people using the handicap stalls without a second thought.

Also, what terminology do you prefer people to use?  Handicapped, disabled, etc?  Thanks for doing this!

 

Text to speech, yes, when texting, because I can't do it well. On the computer I'm old school. I type with my index fingers, mostly. I can do it surprisingly efficiently. I *can* use all of my fingers on my left hand but trying to type the way you're taught with one hand and peck with the other is...Pointless vanity, basically, and can even throw off my rhythm and slow me down. On my right hand, my thumb and index finger can move independently. The other fingers try to act as one and that just...Doesn't work.

Vocabulary? I gotta be honest. I'm old. (Thirties) The accepted terminology has changed too many times in my lifetime for me to care anymore. Just keep it to one word and three syllables. And if you want to know what I really think go to Youtube and type in "George Carlin Euphemisms" without the " " ...That about sums it up.

Answer to second question below.

 

1 hour ago, Fisk said:

I have to come in here to comment this. They're actually not handicap stalls, they're called accessible stalls. I'm not trying to sound politically correct here, because there's really an important difference between these terms. If they were called handicap toilets, that would implicate they're meant for handicapped people only, which is not the case. It depends on the location, but accessible toilets are sometimes not reserved only for the people who need them. In some places they're open for everyone to use, if the location allows that. Of course no one should spend 15 minutes pooping or texting or fixing their make-up in there, but anyone can take a quick pee in them. However, in the most public locations, such as big libraries or malls, or in locations where many disabled people are expected to visit frequently, there the accessible toilets are (or should be!) reserved only for those who need to use an accessible toilet. This is, of course, assuming the place offers normal toilets too. I sometimes need to visit this store-and-services complex, where all the public toilets are accessible toilets because the majority of clientele requires accessibility. If a person who does not require an accessible toilet needs to use the facilities there, they have no choice but to use an accessible toilet. Which of course is not forbidden. So the subject of accessible toilets is actually much more complicated than what someone could first expect.

Also, you can't always see if a person is simply using an accessible stall out of temporary convenience, or if they really need the accessibility. Maybe you've seen my sister there, who knows. She looks perfectly normal to the outside, and sure she can do her business in a normal toilet, but due to her special needs, she finds accessible toilets much easier to use. So maybe there's some kind of a special needs gathering place near your work, and that's why many of them use the accessible toilet you're talking about. Or if you were talking about your coworkers, maybe they know that the accessible stall would be rarely used if it was only used by the people who absolutely need it, so they know it's not harmful to anyone if they use it.

Yeah here's my thing, I agree with this, mostly. If you are just going pee and you can keep it reasonable, or for some reason other than disability CAN'T use the other stalls...Fine. Just don't keep it tied up for long perods of time.

Here's why: Usually, those stalls have a bar behind the toilet, and a bar on the wall next to the toilet. Sometimes the side bar is on the...metal wall of the stall rather than attached to the wall of the room. Those bars exist in ONLY one stall, and they exist for...Me. I roll in, I face the toilet, I swing out the foot rests, I pull myself up using that side bar. up, I hold the side bar...This is the part where I might end up on the floor because I have to pull my pants down with one hand while keeping myself vertical with the other hand on the bar (Please to be God let all grab bars be on the left side when facing the toilet.), then I have to do this trick that I can't explain verbally or in writing where I turn 180 degrees without ever having both hands off the bar, then I sit. Point is, I need those bars, and, other than other people who can't stand without assistance, or need to pull themselves out of a wheelchair, or need to push themselves up from the toilet, which is a very small percentage of people, it's like, old people and disabled people. That's it. So when one Mom goes in one stall, the *only* stall that I can use, with three kids, all of them goofing off, one of 'em don't gotta go but she's gonna make him "try" while I wait...Yeah that wets me off. Don't even get me started on other uses for that stall.

But in general, I don't care. If you hover, though, I want you to know that I hate you. If I wanted to sit in pee, I'd use the dude's room.

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28 minutes ago, ErinonWheels said:

 

Text to speech, yes, when texting, because I can't do it well. On the computer I'm old school. I type with my index fingers, mostly. I can do it surprisingly efficiently. I *can* use all of my fingers on my left hand but trying to type the way you're taught with one hand and peck with the other is...Pointless vanity, basically, and can even throw off my rhythm and slow me down. On my right hand, my thumb and index finger can move independently. The other fingers try to act as one and that just...Doesn't work.

Vocabulary? I gotta be honest. I'm old. (Thirties) The accepted terminology has changed too many times in my lifetime for me to care anymore. Just keep it to one word and three syllables. And if you want to know what I really think go to Youtube and type in "George Carlin Euphemisms" without the " " ...That about sums it up.

Answer to second question below.

 

Yeah here's my thing, I agree with this, mostly. If you are just going pee and you can keep it reasonable, or for some reason other than disability CAN'T use the other stalls...Fine. Just don't keep it tied up for long perods of time.

Here's why: Usually, those stalls have a bar behind the toilet, and a bar on the wall next to the toilet. Sometimes the side bar is on the...metal wall of the stall rather than attached to the wall of the room. Those bars exist in ONLY one stall, and they exist for...Me. I roll in, I face the toilet, I swing out the foot rests, I pull myself up using that side bar. up, I hold the side bar...This is the part where I might end up on the floor because I have to pull my pants down with one hand while keeping myself vertical with the other hand on the bar (Please to be God let all grab bars be on the left side when facing the toilet.), then I have to do this trick that I can't explain verbally or in writing where I turn 180 degrees without ever having both hands off the bar, then I sit. Point is, I need those bars, and, other than other people who can't stand without assistance, or need to pull themselves out of a wheelchair, or need to push themselves up from the toilet, which is a very small percentage of people, it's like, old people and disabled people. That's it. So when one Mom goes in one stall, the *only* stall that I can use, with three kids, all of them goofing off, one of 'em don't gotta go but she's gonna make him "try" while I wait...Yeah that wets me off. Don't even get me started on other uses for that stall.

But in general, I don't care. If you hover, though, I want you to know that I hate you. If I wanted to sit in pee, I'd use the dude's room.

Unless the toilet is absolutely disgusting, who the dick hovers?

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1 hour ago, ErinonWheels said:

Yeah here's my thing, I agree with this, mostly. If you are just going pee and you can keep it reasonable, or for some reason other than disability CAN'T use the other stalls...Fine. Just don't keep it tied up for long perods of time.

Here's why: Usually, those stalls have a bar behind the toilet, and a bar on the wall next to the toilet. Sometimes the side bar is on the...metal wall of the stall rather than attached to the wall of the room. Those bars exist in ONLY one stall, and they exist for...Me. I roll in, I face the toilet, I swing out the foot rests, I pull myself up using that side bar. up, I hold the side bar...This is the part where I might end up on the floor because I have to pull my pants down with one hand while keeping myself vertical with the other hand on the bar (Please to be God let all grab bars be on the left side when facing the toilet.), then I have to do this trick that I can't explain verbally or in writing where I turn 180 degrees without ever having both hands off the bar, then I sit. Point is, I need those bars, and, other than other people who can't stand without assistance, or need to pull themselves out of a wheelchair, or need to push themselves up from the toilet, which is a very small percentage of people, it's like, old people and disabled people. That's it. So when one Mom goes in one stall, the *only* stall that I can use, with three kids, all of them goofing off, one of 'em don't gotta go but she's gonna make him "try" while I wait...Yeah that wets me off. Don't even get me started on other uses for that stall.

But in general, I don't care. If you hover, though, I want you to know that I hate you. If I wanted to sit in pee, I'd use the dude's room.

I understand completely, and as I said, it heavily depends on the location. In a big, busy mall it's reasonable to assume that a person with special needs can turn up needing the accessible toilet at any moment. That's why no one should use the accessible toilets in that place if they don't have a good enough reason to prefer accessible toilets over normal toilets. But in smaller, less busy places I see nothing bad in using the accessible toilet for a smaller reason. It's so nice that you approve of this, too, because I find it unpleasant how some people are instantly judging other people's reasons to use accessible toilets.

I wish more toilets were accessible, and not just because of the bars. There are so many other good things in them! The additional space, the lower leveling of objects, and many accessible toilets are also calmer and quieter than other toilets. It's great for visually impaired, mentally retarded or autistic people, or people with ostomy or some kind of an auto-immune disease. The additional space is good if you have a helping person/animal with you, or you need to change yourself, or if you have severe claustrophobia, or if you don't want to bump into people and things because you can't see well. Many normal toilets don't provide for the people who need the space. The lowness of objects makes life easier for the people who are especially short, because how are you supposed to wash your hands if you literally can't reach the sink and there's nothing around that you could stand on? The privacy and seclusion from the rest of the world can help some people concentrate better and finish their business much faster than they would in another kind of a toilet, it can prevent a lot of stress from happening to them.

It's such a shame how often "accessible" means "accessible to people who have average arm strength and a certain kind of a wheelchair". They all should have bars on both sides of the toilet, the kinds of bars that you can lift up if you need to. And enough space for all kinds of wheelchairs to fit in there, even big ones. There should always be proper lighting and garbage cans, all things should be easily reachable, no buttons or handles should be too tight to use with weak strength, and they should be separate rooms with thick walls so that outside noises would be at least muffled. Ideally.

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1 hour ago, Fisk said:

I understand completely, and as I said, it heavily depends on the location. In a big, busy mall it's reasonable to assume that a person with special needs can turn up needing the accessible toilet at any moment. That's why no one should use the accessible toilets in that place if they don't have a good enough reason to prefer accessible toilets over normal toilets. But in smaller, less busy places I see nothing bad in using the accessible toilet for a smaller reason. It's so nice that you approve of this, too, because I find it unpleasant how some people are instantly judging other people's reasons to use accessible toilets.

I wish more toilets were accessible, and not just because of the bars. There are so many other good things in them! The additional space, the lower leveling of objects, and many accessible toilets are also calmer and quieter than other toilets. It's great for visually impaired, mentally retarded or autistic people, or people with ostomy or some kind of an auto-immune disease. The additional space is good if you have a helping person/animal with you, or you need to change yourself, or if you have severe claustrophobia, or if you don't want to bump into people and things because you can't see well. Many normal toilets don't provide for the people who need the space. The lowness of objects makes life easier for the people who are especially short, because how are you supposed to wash your hands if you literally can't reach the sink and there's nothing around that you could stand on? The privacy and seclusion from the rest of the world can help some people concentrate better and finish their business much faster than they would in another kind of a toilet, it can prevent a lot of stress from happening to them.

It's such a shame how often "accessible" means "accessible to people who have average arm strength and a certain kind of a wheelchair". They all should have bars on both sides of the toilet, the kinds of bars that you can lift up if you need to. And enough space for all kinds of wheelchairs to fit in there, even big ones. There should always be proper lighting and garbage cans, all things should be easily reachable, no buttons or handles should be too tight to use with weak strength, and they should be separate rooms with thick walls so that outside noises would be at least muffled. Ideally.

One  can dream... As I've said, things have gotten a lot better than they used to be. Was a time when at certain places my options were "Don't have to pee." or "Hold it.", particularly stadiums and other places where the bathrooms were one step above "temporary".

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Blurple

My gf has CP and I always assumed it was a spinal issue. She has issues walking, but doesn't need any assistance unless we've been drinking. She jokes that she'd fail a sobriety test sober. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

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