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I want to make a suggestion:
The very ending is identical to another story. I do NOT blame you for copying it or something like that! I am sure it is kind of a homage or something like that.
Nevertheless, personally I'd suggest to change the ending a little bit.

The queen wets herself and Lucille and Mary discover her doing it.
Let those two carry a big bucket with water - the queen has returned and they bring water for a bath.
To cover up what the queen did they push the bucket over - and all this water makes it absolutly impossible for anybody to realize, that there isn't just water but a lot of royal pee too.
To trip and spill the water is even more plausible then two girls both wetting themselves at the same time.

Just a suggestion of course!

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On 5/17/2017 at 3:05 AM, wedgeantilles said:

I want to make a suggestion:
The very ending is identical to another story. I do NOT blame you for copying it or something like that! I am sure it is kind of a homage or something like that.
Nevertheless, personally I'd suggest to change the ending a little bit.

The queen wets herself and Lucille and Mary discover her doing it.
Let those two carry a big bucket with water - the queen has returned and they bring water for a bath.
To cover up what the queen did they push the bucket over - and all this water makes it absolutly impossible for anybody to realize, that there isn't just water but a lot of royal pee too.
To trip and spill the water is even more plausible then two girls both wetting themselves at the same time.

Just a suggestion of course!

 

If I were to change the ending, I would just add a scene where Lucille and Mary wet themselves intentionally, just so they could get their dresses wet as proof that they really were the ones who did it.

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On 5/17/2017 at 1:35 AM, wedgeantilles said:

I want to make a suggestion:
The very ending is identical to another story. I do NOT blame you for copying it or something like that! I am sure it is kind of a homage or something like that.
Nevertheless, personally I'd suggest to change the ending a little bit.

The queen wets herself and Lucille and Mary discover her doing it.
Let those two carry a big bucket with water - the queen has returned and they bring water for a bath.
To cover up what the queen did they push the bucket over - and all this water makes it absolutly impossible for anybody to realize, that there isn't just water but a lot of royal pee too.
To trip and spill the water is even more plausible then two girls both wetting themselves at the same time.

Just a suggestion of course!

 

On 5/21/2017 at 5:40 PM, Keita123 said:

 

If I were to change the ending, I would just add a scene where Lucille and Mary wet themselves intentionally, just so they could get their dresses wet as proof that they really were the ones who did it.

Thank you for the suggestions guys but unfortunately, I won't be able to make any changes to the existing post since it is not editable. I'll try and incorporate more omorashi to my stories if I ever write again and I'll make sure it has less of that bloodshed and gore! Haha! 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi all, I'm uploading my The Queen stories on here in pdf format for those of you who are interested. Just let me know if anyone has any ideas for this story series. I'll be glad to pen them down for you all! Thank you!

The Queen

Part I- A Song of Swords.pdf

Part II- The Rains of War.pdf

The Queen's Dilemma- The Lord's Tourney.pdf

 

Edited by Pain (see edit history)
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  • 6 months later...

Thank you so much Jackles12! Thank you for being such a great reader and reviewer of my works!! I'm glad to have a person like you who enjoys my stories so much! And it feels kinda good to know that there are other people who like big bladdered women like I do. Thank you for the tremendous support! You are a great friend! 

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7 hours ago, Pain said:

¡Muchas gracias, Jackles12! ¡Gracias por ser un gran lector y crítico de mis trabajos! ¡Me alegra tener a una persona como tú que disfruta tanto de mis historias! Y se siente bien saber que hay otras personas a las que les gusta las mujeres con grandes vejigas como yo. ¡Gracias por el tremendo apoyo! ¡Eres un gran amigo! 

Thanks so much to you. I hope to read some of tour amazing work.

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9 hours ago, wedgeantilles said:

Nice to see this great story bumped :)

 

Thank you so much, my dear friend! I glad my effort was successful in entertaining you. There is nothing more I could for as a writer! Thank you so much for the tremendous support and motivation!

5 hours ago, Jackles12 said:

Thanks so much to you. I hope to read some of tour amazing work.

Sure, you will Jackles12, I promise to do better the next time. :wink:

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